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Wearing A New Hat



There is really no use going into the details of this recent past, let me just say that I have been exceptionally sad and upset. I have cried and screamed and been so feeling despondent that it was horribly difficult for me emotionally. Yesterday was the breaking point, however, and I was able to resolve some of the issues I was feeling so bad about.

So, instead of the old analogy about me picking myself up by my bootstraps, instead, I am working on a new basis of "putting on another hat" to demarcate my working and striving to climb out of the pit of despair I had been in. I am making a resolution to myself to work to find a happier place in my mind and in my soul. I am thinking I am going to do this through a journey in which I engage in a helluva lot of hard work and hard play. I am going to try to force myself to be more perpetually active and doing things.... both work and play. I have noticed in myself that when I feel sad and hurt, I almost inevitably will lose all inertia and my whole life comes to a screeching halt. To move, to function seems nearly impossible. But, if I keep my movement, keep my inertia in working to try to do things, and keep trying to do things, even the harsh sadness, the despair, and the feelings of utterly loneliness and pain do not hurt as much. The shame and anger I feel is decreased by hard, physical labor and effort.

So, that is where I am at. I am bound and determined to work hard and to play hard and to write here often so as to keep me from sliding down into that crevasse of no movement, no effort, no life. I am going to keep the idea of kinetic energy in my mind, and try to infuse the idea of kinetic action in my heart and soul.

PipeTobacco