The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Friday, April 28, 2017


I am going to a wedding today with my family for my nephew.  Many of my relation has not seen me in a while and I anticipate excessive comments about my now fairly big, fluffy (dare I say, luxurious?) beard I have been letting grow freely for four months.  

I find it surprising how manny comments (90+% positive) about my beard right now.  Keep in mind that I have worn a beard and moustache continuously ever since I was 19 (many, many, many decades ago).  I had always kept it shortish probably about 1 inch in length, and sometimes about 1/2 inch immediately when I would trim it.   

Now, it is perhaps 3 inches in length, so it is not really a helluva lot different in my opinion.  It is fuller and to me I like it.  I have a look that to me is something I am liking.    Sometimes I think I look a bit like a Civil War General, or perhaps late 18th century scholar (Darwin, perhaps) or like Jack Elam, the character actor in a lot if westerns.  

So, since my more distant relatives will be "shocked" at my new appearance and will comment on it extensively (they tend to be very opinionated), I have decided to meet them head on with a bit of self deprecating humor:

I am planning to tell various folks in a joking fashion as soon as they mention it one of the following... imagine a deadpan expression with just a hint of humor in my voice, "Yeah, well, you know... I'm planning to audition for the role of (X) in the University play production this Summer."  

Depending on the person and what will strike them as most humorous and recognizable, (X) will be one of these:

Teveya (from Fiddler on the Roof) for those relatives that know and like that play.

Don Quixote (from Man of LaMancha) for those folks who know it is a typecast role as I am rathe the absent minded professor in real life.

A homeless person (for some unnamed play) for the relatives who I know will be more negative about the beard no matter what (these are the especially intense relatives).  

With those three different options, I should be able to navigate through there ample comments with humor and grace. I might throw in a Jack Elam reference too occasionally or a Victor French reference for the couple of relatives who may know those character actors.   A part of the humor will in itself be in my saying I am going to audition for a role in a play itself.  As a biologist, and a generally quiet person, the thought of me auditioning for a role in a play will seem shocking and humorous to my relatives and will tend to diffuse the comments into a less pointed fashion.  

As this is a wedding, I am also steeling myself for the usual routine with my wife. I KNOW she will want to stay to the very end of the reception.   She knows that is not my preference, but, it does always go that way.  I will likely have more to drink than I will wish I had come Saturday morning, but I will try to be as moderate as I can muster.  But, as the hours keep passing and passing while I wait for us to go home, I will likely end up drinking a few extra glasses out of boredom.  Or, maybe I will be schnockered enough that I will dance and act even sillier than usual?  Only time will tell.  



Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Another option would be to say you're auditioning for the part of a pirate captain, e.g. Blackbeard. As pirates speak in funny voices, this would accentuate the humour. Having a beard also makes a man funnier when he attempts to dance in a state of innebriation.

Friday, 28 April, 2017  
Blogger PipeTobacco said...

The pirate idea is a great idea! I cannot be Blackbeard, however, as I am very much grey. I do not know if I will ever get to white (might stay always grey), but I could (if white) be practicing for being Santa.

I guess if I "borrowed" some of my wife's hair dye, I could be "Blackbeard"... but really, then I would have to be a new pirate names "Lightauburnbeard", truth be told. :)

Friday, 28 April, 2017  
Blogger S. J. Qualls said...

I hope things go well for you and your beard! Jack Elam? Most of the stuff I've seen him in, he was fairly clean shaven. Gabby Hayes would be a good character. Oh, there are so many to chose from. Could also be scientific research. Have fun with it and try to enjoy it for Mrs. Professor's sake.

Friday, 28 April, 2017  
Blogger JACKIESUE said...

I'd go for witness protection.

Saturday, 29 April, 2017  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home