27 Days....
I am not sure why exactly, but the #27 has always been a number that I have viewed positively. So, I am hoping that is how today will go for me.... positively and joyfully. Today represents the 27th day I have gone without smoking a pipe.
I did resist the urge to smoke my pipe on Sunday, even though technically it would be allowed within the Lenten rules. I truly thought about it several times and had one really "close call" where I was seriously contemplating filling up the bowl of the cleaned pipe I have been carrying around as a sort of "pacifier" during this effort.
I truly am unsure how to create the same damn, dogged, stubborn determination to refrain that I have now (because of the Lenten vow) to after Easter morning. And, that lack of seeing a path in how to have myself have the same sort of gumption.... it makes me believe I will go back to the pipe.... because part of me would like that very much.... but another part of me would like to quit forever.
I ran very comfortably this morning. I almost decided to go outside and run, but with the temperature being a bit "iffy" in regards to whether there would be ice or rain on the sidewalks, and the light snowfall we had over the last few days, I was thinking it would be too risky to run in the dark... being a klutz, the risk was high that I would slip and break a leg or crack my head open. So, I ran my 5 miles inside again.
PipeTobacco
6 Comments:
I have followed your blog on and off for some time, but this is my first comment. May I make a friendly suggestion? You seem to be contending with both internal and external motivators for your actions, especially as they apply to your pipe-smoking.
You report that you do well in those areas where you follow your inner motivators. Your consistent running is a good example of that. Any discomfort the running causes you is bearable because your motivation for running is ultimately internal, and you have the strength of character to listen to your conscience and internal motivators.
It sure does seem, though, that your desire to give up your pipes is a desire that comes from outside of you. You know the discomforts and embarrassments of being a pipe-smoker in today's society, and you would like to be free of those burdens. Yet, when you look deep inside, you would in an ideal world be a pipe-smoker as well as a consistent runner, good husband, etc.
You also know, firsthand, from experience, that you are living in a society that blurs important distinctions. You know that the risks of cigarette smoking are far greater than the risks of pipe-smoking, and that the original 1964 Surgeon General's report was on to something when it found that pipe-smokers have a trivially longer life-span than non-smokers. Yes, pipe-smoking brings real risks, but it also confers real benefits, at least to some people... and I would infer that you are one of those people.
So, if you really want to get to the point where you can quit, it would seem that you need to find internal "quit" motivators that are not only stronger than your current external motivators, but also stronger than your internal "smoke" motivators. As long as you know, deep down, that you are a contented pipe-smoker in a world that calumniates pipe-smoking, you will remain a conflicted pipe-smoker. So, either accept who you are as a pipe-smoker, or purge your inner motivator of its many positive feelings about pipe-smoking and replace those feelings with "quit" motivators. I hope this makes some sense. Good luck in figuring out what works for you!
Pat:
What you suggest, does indeed make a great deal of sense.
You state.... "...either accept who you are as a pipe-smoker, or purge your inner motivator of its many positive feelings about pipe-smoking and replace those feelings with "quit" motivators."
And, it would be very, very good if I could figure out a way to do one or the other. But, that is unfortunately the difficulty as well:
With all the negatives thrust upon the hobby/habit by various aspects of society (some legitimate, and some more hysterical)it is difficult, if not impossible to maintain consistently positive feelings about pipe smoking.
But, equally difficult (at least to me) is to figure out a way to actually purge my internal positive motivators... let alone replace them.
So, I do greatly appreciate your comments and your wisdom. Unfortunately, I have yet to find my way to be able to reach either end of the continuum.... let alone stay there with any consistency.
I usually just walk, but it is challenging in winter.
You're doing well despite your struggles. Carry on.
Did your father or father-in-law ever come to the point at which they regretted their pipe-smoking? If so, then perhaps you could frame your choice to quit as your way of letting them live vicariously through you. They didn't quit, but they will be with you in spirit as your well-wishers as you abstain.
On the other hand, if your father and father-in-law remained content to the end as pipe-smokers, I suspect you would need to make an impossible emotional break with them in order to persist without your pipes. You sometimes judge yourself rather harshly for smoking your pipes, but are you prepared to judge your father and father-in-law with equal harshness? If you can judge them so harshly, you have some hope of quitting; if not, you truly are a pipe-smoker and should just relax into the habit/hobby.
Perhaps, once you give up the idea of quitting, you can then give yourself permission to moderate and adjust this treasured hobby that connects you with your loved ones. With your father and father-in-law gone, surely some of your old "rituals" are also gone. Maybe you can establish new rituals that will connect you with the departed, satisfy your physical cravings, and also fit in with the practicalities of your current life.
I found you recently. My husband is a professor.. your blog intrigued me
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