Profound for Me

There is something that is inherent in my personality that causes me to naturally tend towards rumination and worry.  It is, I have come to realize, a "default" pattern of sorts for me.  And, I suspect in some fashion, rumination specifically has helped me focus on certain goals and tasks that require long-term effort. 

But, unfortunately, rumination does not always lead to a better understanding of  situation, sometimes ruminating can simply be like a record stuck in a groove and repeating the same thing over and over and over.

And, so, in many ways, I have begun to realize I am somewhat in a repeating record groove with this rumination about the anger and hurt I have about some of the b*llsh*t that is going on at work.  And, it really does me NO GOOD to stay focused on this crap.

The really challenging thing for me in regard to rumination is that intellectually I KNOW that the behavior is not good for me, and is not helpful for me in cases like what is going on at work.  But.... the difficult thing is that sometimes it takes me a helluva long time to REALIZE that is what I am doing.  The hurt feels so intense that I am not really AWARE that I have been in a rumination spiral of repetition and repetition of the same thoughts and feelings of hurt.  It is a strange feeling to realize I am doing this ruminating... and to realize I was not really recognizing it.  TO REALIZE THIS IN THE MOMENT IS PROFOUND FOR ME.  It is sometimes very hard for me to recognize it.

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So, the recognition of my ruminating is an important key for me to be aware of.  It has been helping me to recognize and try to expend my energies more in other aspects of life.  I need to figure out a way to better and more easily recognize this sort of ruminating behavior and when it is not helpful (much of the time it is not), work against it. 

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1.  I am thankful for my family, my wife and kids.... their love and support and friendship makes each day so important to me. 

2.  I am thankful for my students.  They are fun, funny, enjoyable and even when they grouse about my exams being hard, it is wonderful to see them grow and learn and better understand what I work hard to help them learn.

3.  I am thankful for the Summer, even though it is hotter than hell at times (today we may hit 100 degrees), it is a great time of the year.

4.  I am thankful I ran VERY early this morning as it was already 79 degrees at 5am with 50% humidity.  I was completely wet perspiration and looked like a drowned rat when I finished this morning.

5.  I am thankful for music.  I have been listening to Chicago a great deal this week.  I feel so invigorated by the horn parts in their songs. 

PipeTobacco