Emotionally Low
Feeling very moody, forlorn, down, and sad at the moment. The primary causative factor is worry, anger, and sadness about my one kid who is potentially making some rather horrific decisions. No, nothing new has happened or changed. I have just had a difficult time disassociating from the pain of what this decision will mean if adopted.
I do not know if this makes any sense.... but while I LOVE this kid and always will..... I can also just as truthfully say I do not LIKE this kid. I do not like the choices being made. I become so frustrated by how little-to-no thought how this kid's actions will impact others. This kid is selfish in ways that I never, in my wildest imagination would have imagined a kid of mine being. This kid is so blind to others and so blind to the idea of trying to serve others to make the world a better place.
* * * * *
- I ran 10.7 miles this morning (~17 km). It helped tone down my hurt a bit.
- I prayed about my three friends while praying the Rosary during my run.... the heart attack victim, the suicide victim, and the severe stroke recipient
- I gave an exam, I wrote a different exam, I taught one lab course, I graded three exams, I had a research meeting with my students.
- Still no pipe dreams. I do not recall ANY dreams all. This is making me sad.
- Today I AM experiencing pipe cravings again. I would say it the PCS (Pipe Craving Score) of around a 7 at the moment. It just gnaws at me. I think it would be so relaxing and soothing to fire up a briar filled with deep, heavy burley leaf.
That is about it, I guess.
PipeTobacco
8 Comments:
the idea of trying to serve others to make the world a better place
Isn't that a big part of your pipe-abstaining? You've at least somewhat accepted the fallacious idea that by not smoking your pipes you are improving the world for the non-smokers all around you.
Meanwhile, without knowing the details (and without needing to know such a private matter), may I at least suggest that the vast majority of people have such a difficult time providing for their immediate families that the idea of "trying to serve others to make the world a better place" is very much one of those "First-World problems" and frankly is a luxury for so many who are living from paycheck to paycheck or dealing with severe family crises of health or economics?
If you've taken a commercial airline flight, perhaps you can recall the little safety spiel given before takeoff regarding the overhead oxygen masks. Passengers are told to "fix the mask on your own nose and mouth before attempting to fix it on the person next to you." Self-care is important, in the right context, and many a well-meaning caregiver has reached burnout worrying about other people's problems while neglecting their own basic needs. Please be sure, Professor, to be mindful of your own emotional, spiritual, and physical health even while you worry about your wife and your kid -- precisely so that you're in your best health to be of real help to them.
It must be tough when kids go awry. Thankfully, I didn't have to face that. Hopefully, that holds true with the grands.
My comment actually posted!
Our children are not us, no matter how we rear them. They will choose their own paths which may or may not meet with our approval. :( I am with you on the pain of poor decisions from a child. It's easy to blame myself.
you have a kid that desperately needs guidance but sure go run miles and what ever you do..spend the rest of the time thinking about smoking your pipe..judas priest.
Hello JackieSue:
I am sorry I gave you that impression that I am being selfish. My kid who is contemplating these poor decisions is actually on my mind all the time every day. I try to talk with her nearly every day about her plans and her potential actions and she gets upset about my attempts at advice and my attempts at guidance because she does not want to hear these ideas. It has caused me far more tears than I write about here because I am hurt and frustrated that I cannot figure out how to get her to hear what I am trying to have her hear and understand.
PipeTobacco
JackieSue:
Sometimes it is to hard to write about these “goings-one” with my daughter as I have to couch things in an ambiguous way for her privacy. If I felt more able to do so, I would likely write about it in far more detail every day.
PipeTobacco
PipeTobacco, you may remember our son and his family moved to Italy in July with all these ideas about how life would be so much better and cheaper and generally wonderful. We pointed out lots of flaws and potential problems but he chose to ignore them. Our recent visit to them has proven us to be right. The temptation to say, 'I told you so,' is great - but unhelpful obviously and we won't.
I don't know what it is your daughter is planning but I can understand your pain. Sadly they will make their own decisions; all we can do is grieve, and be ready to pick up the pieces if necessary.
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