Sort of An Update
I am concerned, angry, hurt, devastated, demoralized, deeply sad, and feel quite despondent. The cause is due to that which I can no longer speak about here because it causes some to comment negatively, so I feel stymied about what to do/say here because the situation consumes all of my thoughts at the moment.
* * * * *
So, what have I been doing?
1. Running. I have been running like hell. It is the primary avenue I have to ATTEMPT to lower somewhat the stress and hurt that I feel. I started my November 1/2 Marathon Run at 4:45am this morning (ran a total of 13.7 miles... 22km) and it was damn cold too (36 degrees... ~2C).
2. Sleeping. Whenever I can, I try to sleep, because USUALLY my mind can drift away from the pain of the situation. Not always, because sometimes it leads to nightmares about it. But, on some days, I either have no dreams and am away.... or I have dreams that are of normal things... both of which are a relief.
3. Working. Although work can and does provide its own hassles at times. It does sometimes also force/allow me to get my mind elsewhere than the difficulty... which is a relief.
4. Eating. A bit of a double-edged sword, but I am eating a lot more out of stress. But, I am doing my damnedest to overeat by eating only the healthiest non-fat, low calorie foods as possible. The extra eating means my salad is twice its already huge size, my unbuttered air popped popcorn is twice its size, and every raw or steamed vegetable I eat is twice its size or more compared to normal. The act of eating helps to diminish stress to a degree, but it is hard also because my wife is doing similarly.... but is eating a large array of junk foods to cope, which I emotionally WANT to do too, but I cannot if I want to remain at a normal BMI and not return the ~135 pounds back on my body.
That is about it.
PipeTobacco
9 Comments:
It's good to hear from you, Professor! Please don't feel that you need to over-share here, but it would be great if you could use your blog to un-stress by sharing happy news about mundane joys like chickpeas and pipes, even while the bigger-picture stuff needs to percolate on its own, out of sight. Be well!
It is not that I do not WANT to write about what is happening (in a careful way to protect the privacy of the individual involved)….. it is that when o was doing so, to the best of my ability….. it was suggested by a commenter that I really didn’t care or give a damn because I would talk about other things too. And, believe me, the harsh things that are happening ARE nearly the only things I have been thinking about and trying to fix virtually all day, every day.
PipeTobacco
Well, Professor, even if you can't share much here because the people around you think you should only be focusing on the harsh things, I hope you can find some off-line way to vent and to brainstorm. Maybe that's a priest-friend, or maybe it's someone at the university? Bottling emotions inside you is the worst of all possible options -- but you already know that. And please do remember the "Serenity Prayer" and that if something is truly beyond your ability to fix, your only sane option may be to find a way to be at peace with letting go. One way or another, please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of your blog-readers!
I am glad you posted. I have been thinking and wondering about you but while actually at the computer. I knew that you must not be in a good place. One avenue would be to post what you want, and if you see that certain commenter's name pop up, just trash and don't read. Easier said than done, I know. You would have to be disciplined enough to just see the name and then quickly avert your eyes.
It is good of you to post an update. Sorry that these days leave you despondent. Sharing with a trusted friend, counselor, cleric could ease the pain.
Running now is not only spartan, connotative of strength and mastery, but a tonic of endorphins as well.
Take care.
Surely you can block that person so he/she can't comment at all!
She is actually a very nice person….. but I felt very chagrined that she did not understand my motives of being careful about privacy so that I was only occasionally alluding to what was going on….. and not talking as much about my responses and efforts to help as they would be difficult to write about in a more private fashion.
That my limited writing about the hardship was able to be misconstrued as my being callous hurt, and that is why I decided to try to leave the whole situation “offline”.
PipeTobacco
I've been concerned about you and wondering if the situation had worsened. I'm so sorry you're dealing with the pain and stress of this. Many of us share your your woes and can sympathize. I'm sending you supportive thoughts. Healthy coping strategies are so important.
Thank God you're back, Professor!
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