Swirling Thoughts
- My mind has been awash in pipe cravings yesterday and today. After being away from the cravings for a period of time the last week or two, the strength of them upon their return was surprising as I seemed to have forgotten their intensity at times. In other words.... it is difficult for me to concentrate on work tasks as I continually fall into a daydream about smoking a pipe.
- Still NO memory of ANY dreams yet. I DO sincerely hope they come back to my consciousness. I know I must have them during parts of my deep sleep cycle.... but I do miss not remembering them.
- Ran only 9 miles (14.5 km) today. I did this purposefully (and perhaps foolishly). If I run 13.1 miles (21 km) tomorrow (Friday)... I will effectively have a "threefer":
1. I will have ran my October Half Marathon on the very earliest day possible in October, so it will be done for the month.
2. I will have reached my maximum target mileage for the WEEK of 55 miles (~89 km). I have ran between 53 and 55 miles each week for nearly 2 years now, and I have been a bit gunshy about moving beyond 55 miles as I am not sure if I could sustain more than 55 miles in a week over time. But, if I hit 55 miles tomorrow (Friday).... it means I can take two days off from running (Saturday AND Sunday) instead of just Sunday without penalty. This might be a very nice treat for me. I will still walk at least 5 miles on the days I do not run.
3. I will be extra tired (and will have dissipated MORE stress hormones) ahead of our Department Meeting on Friday. I do not want to go into the meeting anxious, and yet there is much to be anxious about. By running ahead of the meeting, my stress hormone levels will be considerably lower. This will make the meeting a bit easier (and it will help me also feel less anxiety about my kid as well).
- I would like to invest in some basic recording equipment for me to make some recordings of my playing. I am not sure how to go about choosing things, but I found this on Amazon that seems to have most items I *believe* I need other than some sort of foot actuator (which I do not really understand) but I believe will allow me to play along with previously recorded tracks to build layers of sound. I have been watching some bass clarinetists and saxophonists on You Tube and it seems that they use many of these things in their recordings. I would also need a web camera if I were to record myself pictorially. But that is probably an easy add-in.
- I am feeling "starved" and yet I have already gobbled up every bit of food I normally bring with me to the U. It is crazy. I feel I could eat my desk, I am that hungry.... but there is no logical reason I should be especially hungry.
- I think I am going to try to work through my thoughts about trying to find a path back to pipe smoking tomorrow. I hope I can put the various thoughts I have down in some sort of cohesive, understandable pattern.
3 Comments:
I think I am going to try to work through my thoughts about trying to find a path back to pipe smoking tomorrow. I hope I can put the various thoughts I have down in some sort of cohesive, understandable pattern.
That's wonderful, and I'm sure it will be valuable to you as far as it can take you. But isn't your pipe smoking as much about deep-seated emotions, feelings, and even your sense of self and your worldview? In these last 3+ years, you have certainly "thought" about pipe smoking, but haven't your happiest moments been those where you reveled not in thought, but rather in your feelings about the hobby, and even in your sense memories about aromas and peaceful feeling? I'm going to guess that you need an "understanding" of your relationship to pipe smoking every bit as much as you need "thoughts" about a "path." You can't always "plan" emotions and feelings the way your intellect might plot a path. But if you learn to accept your emotions and your feelings about pipe smoking, that alone might make your next steps a lot clearer to you. Does that make sense?
I'm impressed by your mileage. If I do half that running and walking I consider it a success. Hope the department meeting isn't too stressful. I dreaded them at the high school level and I can't imagine they are any better at the collegiate level.
I haven't thought about it much, but I don't think I remember most of my dreams unless there is a reason, and that is very occasional. I have some sort of vague recollection of having a dream last night, but I can't tell you anything about it.
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