Quite Exhausted

I think it is due to a mix of things.... the onset of very cold weather, snow and ice, emotional challenges with  my MIL and VERY emotional challenges also with the person I cannot speak about, the approaching end of the semester,  looming deadlines for work, and looming deadlines for tasks I am in charge of with regards to my Parish, trying to help my wife as she feels the emotional traumas as well, worry about my dog's upcoming surgery and anesthesia...... but I feel awfully damn tired most of the time these days.

None-the-less, I try to the best of my ability to continue to persevere.  Here are some items of what I am doing:

1.  Running.  With the ice/snow, I am now on the damnable treadmill every day (instead of outside).  Even though treadmill running is not my favorite, I am very fortunate to actually have that option now.  I do miss my more pleasant form of indoor running (the indoor track at the U or the indoor track at the local fitness center).... but that is becoming a distant memory since I had to stop when the Covid-19 pandemic began in March 2020.  With the surges in cases in my region and also the new variant, Omicron, I do not see being able to safely run at the indoor tracks anytime soon.  I never owned a treadmill UNTIL the late Fall of 2020 (specifically bought used at a rummage sale.... to use during the pandemic)

2.  With limited time to actually sit down and practice playing any of my instruments...  I am instead currently working through a large set of flash cards of music terminology, music theory, chord progressions, etc. I work through the flash cards at various times of the day to trying to at least improve on my music "theory" skills,  and I can fit working through these flash cards anytime I have a few moments (like between classes or while waiting in my vehicle for something or other).

3.  My wife and I have decided to have a quite minimalist approach to Christmas decorating this year.  With the emotional toil we are both experiencing, neither of us is feeling like pulling out all the family mementos of joyous Christmases of the past, because both of us are thinking it will only exacerbate feelings of melancholy for both of us.

4.  I still am NOT remembering any of my dreams while I sleep.  This unfortunate situation has been happening for several weeks now.  This week, I have started to try to drift off to sleep while purposefully imagining a topic I would love to dream about..... perhaps visiting my Mom and Dad when I was younger, remembering family trips, indulging in pipe smoking forays and adventures, etc. However, no matter the topic, I still seem to be in a state where my dreams remain unremembered in the morning.  I wish the dream memories would return.  

4b.  Dreams while sleeping are so much more VIBRANT to me than simple daydreams.  For instance, when I had been fortunate to have sleeping dreams of my adventures with pipes and pipe tobaccos, I would often awaken with the very pleasant FEELINGS of what it was actually like to have been indulging in my pipes and pipe tobaccos. At awakening, I could ALMOST tangibly sense the flavors of the pipe tobaccos on my breath, Feel the whole body physiological sense of relaxation, etc.  In a similar vein, nighttime dreams of visits with my Mom and Dad always FEEL more like true interactions.  I can not really attain those sort of "real" feelings with any type of daydream I have thus far attempted.  I do very much miss my night time dreams.

5.  My wife and I are making a Lentil dish for dinner today (a delightful crock pot recipe again..... with a mixture of whole lentils and whole mung beans),  and I will serve the lentil dish with it a rice & wild rice side dish that I am concocting in my head.  I am imagining making a side that will be rather tumeric and paprika forward in its flavors, and I am also thinking of having some soft, plump raisins in the rice as well. 

PipeTobacco