Ambiguity

 

Not really sure.

I am not really sure if the "Retiree's Cigar Group" is for me or not.  

I enjoy the folks there.

I have found the cigars I have indulged in, to be fine and reasonably enjoyable (They are not a pipe, however).  But, I do believe if I can be an accepted member, I could transition to a pipe eventually.

But, I am not sure if my quiet nature in the group is acceptable or not.  Some of the guys have said that maybe I could "talk more" next week..... two weeks in a row.  There is at least one other person who has been there who is as quiet or perhaps quieter than I am.... but he has been in the group for a decade or more from what I understand.

And, I did *try* to converse more yesterday, and I did to some degree.  But, my worry about figuring out (and finding a pause in the conversations) when and where I could "jump in" to say something, and also my trying to figure out something appropriate/useful/meaningful/or humorous within the context of what was being discussed to contribute..... had me feeling on edge.  

And, feeling "on edge" is the antithesis of why I want to go there and be a part of the group. 

Yesterday felt a bit too much like "work" and not relaxation or enjoyment.  It is frustrating.  

* * * * *

• I reached my 50 mile weekly goal this morning (I ran 10 miles this morning (~16km)). So I can take the weekend off from running.
• This weekend is my and my wife's Wedding Anniversary.  I have a big, robust day of a lot of activities (that I feel and hope are romantic) and I have a few gifts that I hope my beloved will find meaningful.  

PipeTobacco