Listening vs Talking
An unfortunate thing about me is that when in a group of folks, I tend to become quiet. I am quite comfortable at one-on-one conversation with people, and of course, I can TEACH with small or quite large classrooms of people. But, being a "conversationalist" in a group of say 4-10 people who are casually talking, I have the natural inclination to "clam up". This is especially true in a group that is of folks I know modestly.
Meetings are not the same. A meeting is a more task-oriented group with some sort of goal, and even though they are not my favorite tasks, I can and do get my point(s) across in meetings.
But, a casual, unfocused group.... I am just damn awful as a conversationalist. I AM a damn good listener, and often could repeat and synopse most everything that was said.
This brings me to my conundrum. With it being Thursday, I am hoping to go to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" this early afternoon. But, I am getting the sense that I "should" be talking more in order to fit in. One fellow actually suggested that I talk more the last time I was there. I wasn't completely silent, but I did not talk a lot. But, then again there were two other fellows who were pretty quiet (one said nothing). But, with me being the "newbie" and the others knowing each other for a long time, perhaps my relative quietness is off-putting.
So, I do not know what to think. It is a bit uncomfortable for me just to "spout" out things, especially when things are not my forte. I usually try to ask questions in that case.... in many ways as a way to get the others to talk more. But, I guess I have to rethink that.
We shall see.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
Professor, you've just come up with the perfect excuse for bringing a few pipes and pipe tobaccos to the "Cigar" group. It sounds to me as though there would be no problem with your talking about your passion for pipes, as long as in doing so you weren't insulting other group members' cigars.
Hey there, visiting from AC's blog. I too tend to be quiet in groups, especially when I do not know the people. What I do is to ask them questions, so they talk about themselves. People love to do that. And like you I am a very good listener. That served me well in my years as a librarian and as a storyteller. Maybe it would work for you?
I will be meeting with my two photo friends tomorrow morning, and I am the listener for the most part. With me, it’s an introversion thing. By that I don’t mean shy, but my brain tends to work in an interior way and things just tend to tumble around in there. I have known some people who almost have to talk to think.
I usually ask questions to get others talking and then it leads down roads that start up conversations. But not always. I'm not very shy although not an extrovert and might hazard saying something like, "I'm new here. Is there anything you'd like to know about me?" In some groups when there are new people, each person introduces himself/herself
to the group with brief autobiographical remarks.
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