Plus & Minus

Yesterday was much better at the "Retiree's Cigar Group."  I did talk considerably more, and yet do not feel I was overbearing or "too" chatty.  As a result I felt less anxiety (not zero anxiety, but hopefully that will come with time) and it was nice and was a positive.  Because of an appointment next week at that time, I will not be able to go, but will again in two weeks, God willing.

I have not ran yet, today, for I stayed around home helping my wife prepare for her journey this morning.  I then saw her off on her flight.  I will hopefully get my miles in this afternoon.  I am not sure if I will run outside (if it is cloudy, yes) or inside (if it is bright sun).  

Now to the negative:

This time of year is an odd one for educators (or at least me).  It is what I think of as a "zone of nebulosity" meaning that it is technically still "Summer" but it is also only a little over a week before the new U semester will begin, which is truthfully "Fall" in my mind.  This in-between time usually feels emotionally difficult in a number of ways:

1.  I feel a sense of melancholy at the end of the flexibility and freedom offered by "Summer."

2.  I feel worry/anxiety about the start of a new, "rigid" routine of "Fall."

3.  I feel underprepared, even though I am as prepared as I can be.  

4.  I feel work-avoidant, even though there is plenty of work to do.

5.  I feel like a trained seal, or a lever pressing rat, or a robot in that emotionally I do not feel like anything other than a small, insignificant cog in a machine of no importance.  I just do what I do, and then I repeat it, and repeat it again.  I just keep spinning like that cog.  

Adding now to this are the three days my wife will be away.  I am never really liking the few times my wife has to travel somewhere without me.  But, in the past, I had some "go to" things that would be enjoyable alternatives.... I could go hang out with my father-in-law, enjoy a beverage and a pipe..... I could go hang out at the pipe shop that used to be or travel to the farther away one.  

But, now, those things are not possible.  Of course, my FIL has passed away, so that is not possible.  Drinking a beer or two or three by myself seems pointless.  Having a pipe and/or going to a pipe shop is not an option, as I have already gone to the "Retiree Group" yesterday, and to indulge in a pipe now would most assuredly get me on a quite slippery slope....... even made even MORE slippery as I would be home alone for three days.  

The pool is unfortunately closed this week for its yearly, damnable "maintenance schedule" which I think really is just to give the pool folks a cohesive vacation.  So, no swimming.  

I should probably just buck-up and go do some sort of work.  Cleaning the garage sounds really blah.  Working on more U things seems boring as hell at the moment.  Redecorating the bathroom seems tedious.  I know I could easily go home and take a nap, and probably sleep until early evening if I allowed myself.  But, that does not damn good either, and then I would probably toss-and-turn all night.  

So, I am not sure what to do. I just know I am feeling emotionally edgy.

PipeTobacco