I wake up with a headache, and that is the best part of my day.

I am at a loss at the moment for what to do. I am still aggrivated and grouchy as hell at the world. I do not seem to relax until I leave the University at night to go home and be with my family.

Part of me believes it is "cabin fever" which is typically called "Seasonal Affective Disorder" these days. Part of me thinks I am simply too damn busy. And part of me thinks I need a dramatic change of pace from my day-to-day life.

I used to be very comfortable with who I am and what I do. Oddly, I am still not UNCOMFORTABLE with who I am or what I do.... but I am NOW IRRITABLE AND GROUCHY most of the time. I am truly at a loss for how to fix this situation. It seems as if I am frustrated and upset from the moment I get up in the morning until I come home from work in the evening. Only then do I have a few brief hours of contentment and relaxation where I feel a hazy peace with the world. The evenings are fine and the weekends are fine. Plus the Friday afternoons of pipe tobacco shoping and drinking myself silly with my father-in-law are a blessed respite from the day-to-day grind.

The problem is, it used to not feel this way.... I used to enjoy work and felt very good about my choices and actions. There is nothing that I can pin-point that has changed or gone sour in my work. But my heart always feels heavy when I am there lately.

It is not a good feeling, and I must resolve it.

I am going outside in front of the building with my lab in it to slowly and deeply indulge in my beloved pipe and pipe tobacco. Perhaps an extra strenuous does of beautiful lady nicotine will help boost my spirits before class.

PipeTobacco