I am feeling extremely bitter.

It seems as if I am on a continual course of disaster in life. I work and strive to make life as contented and happy as possible for those I love. I try to be a good, decent person who tries to help others and society. Like is the opening of the Apostle's Creed, "I believe in God..." Yet, there is a never ending stream of horror and pain that befalls my family and my life. Catastrophic illness in two members of my family, horrible developments for my wife's research, copiously enormous surges of stress hormones continually course through my body allowing me no peace. I try to hold it together.... "it" meaning I try to support my family in these times of horror...... "it also meaning I try to keep myself from literally going off the deep end..... "it" meaning I try to continue to work at my job..... ". Life has no color or flavor at the moment other than that of black, wretched, decay and doom.

I have become simply a robot. I no longer look at much around me, for most of the time all I can see is hurt and worry. I no longer listen to music or the radio even though it may be on, for all I hear is the pain and the suffering. I no longer smell or taste food, but instead simply shovel it into my gullet to provide calories. There are no spices, no care-free feelings, no casual contentment in life anymore. Every moment of the 24 hours of each day is stress.

I am truly sad, and am beginning to lose the ability to even imagine hope for me or my family.

PipeTobacco