I Made It

I made it through the week with my stash even though it was tiny as hell.  I could start my new ounce tonight, but I am going to try to resist to have a bit of a cushion for next week.  Hopefully this next ounce will be distributed a bit more evenly.  

Am I unlearning pipe tobacco smoking?  I am not sure.  But I hope I am.  I had  a couple of beers earlier, so now I am enjoying a pipe (which I probably should not do, in order to learn) and I have about one more bowl left from last week's stash.  We will see if I can resist it to save for tomorrow.  

It is such a funny thing.  It seems so natural to smoke a pipe for me.  I have done so virtually forever.   But deep down I know I should not and that it is stupid for me to continue.  But I keep thinking about my father and uncles who smoked a pipe and I feel a kinship with them, but is that real or just me stupidly trying to justify a stupid behavior?  

Now that I am a bit beery feeling, I have also been thinking about all my relatives who have died.  I miss them

So much.  I wish they were here to talk with.  Ugh.  Getting meloncholy is not what I should be doing at the moment.   

My wife is staying at my elderly father-in laws house tonight because he just finally was released from the hospital. I fear they kicked him out because it was not profitable, and that he was not ready.  He will hopefully do well, but I am fearful he will just give give up and die.  I am glad my wife is there, but I feel alone and lonely.  I am just a foolish old man.  Too stupid to figure things out.   But I got things settled for the night with our youngest kids and the pets are being take care of.  But loneliness ensues and permeates my being.

PipeTobacco