Pat McDowell's Comments

A few days ago, Pat McDowell raised some very interesting and valuable points to me in the comments section.  Pat asked me why I still have my pipes and tobaccos?  The thought was that I should either get rid of them if I am hell bent on quitting for good or I should simply go back to smoking a pipe.  I think the questions and ideas are valid ones and I can understand well the suggestions. 

However, for me the answer lies elsewhere, and not at either end of the spectrum.  While many would agree with Pat and say I should throw all my pipes, my tobaccos and other associated materials away to help me continue to refrain, I do not find this a comfortable or appropriate choice for me. The pipes are "old friends" that I have had for decades and to toss, sell, or in any fashion "get rid" of them feels inappropriate and sad to me.  Each pipe has a story and each pipe reminds me of many different aspects of my life.  They are also, at least in my opinion, quite beautiful, each akin to a work of art.  I like looking at them.

In a similar vein, I can understand the idea of saying "to hell with quitting" and simply going back to the hobby/habit.  Believe me, I can understand this well.  It was something I enjoyed greatly and still think about quite regularly.  It would be easy to go back to my prior ways. 

Yet, at least for now, I do not.  I do believe I am doing something good for my physical health by not smoking a pipe.  Whether refraining hinders or helps my emotional health is up for debate. :)  But, I do believe that from a physical standpoint, it is probably a good idea for me to refrain. 

I also admit that there are a few current factors that I believe had made me more capable of refraining that in other attempts I half-heartedly tried before:

1.  The Lenten Vow *was* very helpful to me during my early period of when I stopped smoking my pipe.  The Lenten Vow was akin to a mission that I needed to accomplish.... I needed to do what I said I would do.  It helped me push through some very rough times. 

2.  The lack of local pipe smoking friends.  During earlier decades and even just a few years ago, I still had local pipe-smoking buddies and friends to commiserate with.  Currently, I have no such friends.  When I would smoking my pipe I ended up being a "lone wolf" sort of character.... which in some ways was "ok" but truth be told, it also felt isolating and alone.  This is not really a "peer pressure" sort of emotion (even though it could be read that way), because no one bullied me in any sort of fashion to refrain.  It was a choice I made, but I do admit a part of why I made this choice is that I did feel a bit alone.  I guess I am not much of a "maverick" "lone-wolf" sort of fellow at heart. 

3.  The unfortunate passing of my dear friend and father-in-law.  I do, very deeply miss our chats and our discussions, and I miss our times of libations and pipes together.  With his passing, those times have abruptly ended, and I do feel that loss greatly.  In some ways, a lot of the joy and value of my pipes and pipe tobaccos diminished with the loss of this great friendship. 

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So, it may seem to many that I am in a state of "limbo" (a good "old school" Catholic term) in regards to my pipes.  But, I guess for me, I do not ever think there will be a time where I would want to shed myself of these pipes nor the pipe tobaccos and other accoutrements.  While I may plan to not use them again, I do not feel it is correct for me to simply excise them from my life.  In the same way I keep the signed copy of a Kurt Vonnegut novel I doubt I will read again (I was able to have him sign the book when I attended one of his public speaking engagements many, many years ago.), I keep my pipes.

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Will I go back to  my pipes?  I cannot say.  In a perfect world, I would never have left them.  But, in the real world I live it, it seems best to be away from them now.  Perhaps in the future, I will change my mind.  Yes, there is a risk that temptation may win out on my resolve.  It almost did so a few days ago (as my prior post mentions).  If I had a true "pipe dream" I would like for the current, real world.... I would be able to indulge in a pipe or two or three a month, and not indulge the rest of the time.  I do not know if I could realistically do that however.  I do not know if attempting such a pattern would be something I could muster up the resolve to do, or if it would simply be a slippery slope back to my prior ways.  I do think a lot about *if* that once or twice or thrice a month *is* something I could do.  I do not think I am strong enough in resolve to try that... at least at the moment. 

PipeTobacco