Why I Have Been Away
I apologize about being away so long. Unfortunately, it has been a rough time and I have not had a lot of extra energy. Here is a brief summary:
1. We have experienced the death of another family member. This time it was an aunt on my wife's side of the family. She was a very cherished member of the family, and it has been difficult.
2. Work difficulties have been significant. A nice friend of mine was "pushed out" and has left the U. It is a result of his "incompatibility" with the "U's" horrendous administration. The loss of this fellow was a great disappointment, even though I had predicted it long ago as he was far too good for the U.
3. I have felt tremendously strong yearnings for my pipes. I have NOT given in, but it is disheartening to have the cravings return with a vengeance after 3/4 of a year away from the pipe. It has taken a surprising level of energy to refrain.
I am working at resolving my emotional reactions to the above three items as well as a few other things. I must be making some sort of progress as I have eked out this small modicum of time to at least give a brief update.
I am hoping this initial effort indicates my returning to regular posting. Prior to this, I have been mostly just trudging through the day other than reading a few comics.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
Glad you stop in and sorry about your Wife Aunt.
Enjoy reading your post.
Coffee is on
Congratulations on your energy level in refraining from your pipes! I have an old friend who gave up his pipes ca. 1990, and he tells me that to this day he feels occasional strong yearnings to go back to his pipes. He tells me that he doesn't consider these to be mere cravings of a physical sort; they are as much emotional/psychological yearnings for a pastime he treasured. However, he knows that as a rational being he has the power to withstand those yearnings in order to please his wife and his family. He has told me that if he outlives his wife he will likely take up his pipes again, but that for the moment he endures the sadness and emptiness that wash over him when he resists the yearnings, because he knows it to be the better choice for him. All of which is to say that you should probably expect never to be free of the yearnings, but as long as you can endure them in a broad context of WHY you are abstaining, you should do well. If you ever do go back to your pipes, you can do so as a rational actor seeking something good, not as someone who gave in to a bad impulse.
So sorry about the loss of your aunt and the exile of your friend. All the more reason to be sure that you are enjoying the NOW and not suffering now for a future that may never come. Right now, your abstention seems to be serving you very well, but that doesn't mean it has to be permanent in order to be worthwhile. Any day when you wake up and resolve, "I will not smoke a pipe today" is a day when that decision helps you enjoy the now, but if you go to bed some evening and resolve, "Tomorrow, I become a one-day-a-week pipe smoker," you should be equally happy about your resolve to make the most of your now. In the meantime, please don't be hard on yourself; perhaps instead you could focus your upset on the creeps in the university administration!
it is a shame you continuously live in such a funk. You are missing the beauty of the days that are passing you by - and you are shortening your life by carrying continual tension.
Suggested reading: Buddhism Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen
Change the things you can and accept the things that you have no control over.
best wishes
the Ol'Buzzard
I've suffered another family death and then one of my favorite friends on facebook passed away too...my heart is still healing.
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