Stupid Nerves

 

In the comments, Liz asked about the meaning of my "big voice lecture" statement from yesterday.  These are the classes I teach that are in huge lecture halls and can hold up to ~300 students.  In those spaces I have to speak very loudly in order to be heard at the back of the lecture hall.  

The reality is that I have done this in these large spaces (even in some rooms holding ~500 students) regularly.  BUT... with the Covid-19 pandemic's need for masking (double masking in fact.... I wear one N95 with a cloth mask over it to help hold it tightly in place).... it is MUCH, MUCH more strenuous to have to lecture in these big spaces.  With the double masking, I find that I literally have to SHOUT the whole time to be heard.  This is why I broke down and bought a microphone system.  It helps.... but the damn thing is now on the fritz and I am back to shouting until I either buy another microphone, or Amazon replaces it for me under its extended warranty.... which I am finding out to be just as much of a scam and sham as other "extended warranties" that I have avoided.  I came to find out that even though the extended warranty was sold by Amazon.... it was still governed through a third party.... and those folks are doing everything in their power to find some way in which I "am at fault" and be able to refuse to replace the microphone.  I damn well should have known better than to buy the "extended warranty".... but I thought it was one that governed BY Amazon.  Live and learn, I guess.  

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Onto my other thoughts:

• I was a bundle of nerves this morning because I was worrying about completing enough lecture in my neuro course so that I would be able to give them the (already printed) lecture exam that I scheduled in the syllabus for next Tuesday.  
• The students in that class are upper division students, mostly seniors, and mostly the "cream of the crop" in our major as well (happily the "cream of the crop" students apparently like my manner of teaching and my subjects, because my upper division classes always fill and have waiting lists.... while some of the other profs (including the one I am especially not fond of) barely have enough students register for their upper division course to avoid it being cancelled.
• But, these students also tend to like the subject enough that they like to ask quite a few questions... usually interesting, thought provoking questions too.  But, this often leads me to fall somewhat behind in lecture. 
• I was desperately trying to go fast today in lecture to catch up and complete this chapter which was a big part of the exam.  But.... I knew it was damn near impossible to get through all I had left..... which was my fear and my reason for the nerves.  
• So, I hated to admit defeat.... but 10 minutes before lecture was to end, I stopped lecture and explained to them the predicament.    Then I offered two options..... a) they could still take the exam on Tuesday and I would write out my whole lecture for the remaining slides I had left to discuss and send it to them later today, or b) they could have the exam be postponed until next Thursday.  I then told them to discuss it with each other for a few minutes, while I stepped outside for a bit, and that we would take a vote (majority rules) upon my return.  
• I was happily surprised that all but two students voted to have the exam moved to Thursday.  And, that decision helped dissipate all the nerves I was experiencing. And the best part was that no one seemed fazed or upset.  

In some ways I *KNOW* it was idiotic for me to get all nerved up about the above.  But, I do value trying to keep my word, and since I had the date of this exam in the syllabus, I felt quite chagrined in failing to meet my part of my promise to the students.  I was also worried there would be a nearly 50-50 split to the vote as well, which would have meant a lot of irate folks.  

• strangely, now that the stress HAS dissipated, I really would like a nap.  I do have a small couch in my back office at the U, and I have relaxed there often.  I have spent many hours during the day, supine upon that couch, and smoking my pipe while reading some journal articles, compendiums or textbooks.  But, I have only very rarely taken a nap on my couch.  Thinking back, I would bet it has been at least, well over twenty years since I recall my last taking a snooze on the couch.  
• Even with my bundle of nerves today.... I FORCED myself to run all 11.1 damn miles this morning!  I kept thinking in my mind that I ought to get to the U early so I can try to practice teaching faster, or at I could spend the extra time excising some slides that perhaps I had not asked questions about in the (already printed) exam. But, no.... I ran.... like I am supposed to do.... and while it was physically exhausting, getting through it was helpful for me since I would not have the missed miles looming in my mind all day.

One of the more interesting aspects of the neurology of pipe smoking that I think about from time to time is the very interesting (and scientifically documented) ability of pipe tobacco (hell, I suppose any tobacco would do, but for me... well... you know that pipe tobacco is sublime).... the ability of pipe tobacco to physiologically/psychologically act either as a STIMULANT or as a RELAXANT.  

Yet, I never needed the proof of scientific research to know this, as I can easily attest how both options are true events I had experienced, lived, and relished for many decades.  I have to also admit that when I stepped outside while my class was discussing the exam offer I gave them..... I autonomically  reached into my tweed jacket pocket to grab my pipe (which of course, was not there).  

I am still utterly famished!  I *think* it may be a late Winter thing.  My left overs last night were wonderful.  As I anticipated, my wife ended up eating something else.  

Tonight is taco/burrito day.  I already have BIG plans for an enormous taco salad as big as my head, two of my hearty, three-bean burritos, a spicy tostada, and the last of my batch of the chickpea/chard side dish (so I can make a new batch this weekend).  And, I am very seriously considering adding a hefty scoop of baba ghanoush to each of my burritos tonight.... just because.

Baba ganoush has to be (to me anyway.... my wife abhors it) the most delicious, most creamy, most satisfying appetizer (that I use almost like a condiment at times) I know of.  While I do make hummus (and buy hummus too), I currently only buy prepared baba ghanoush.  I have never had a lot of luck in working with eggplant, so I am a little gunshy about trying to make baba ghanoush.  I might give it a try if I have some free time this Summer.  

The Indian Grocery Store that I mentioned yesterday, sporadically will have baba ghanoush in their deli, even though baba ghanoush is not really a traditional Indian food, but is instead more Mediterranean in origin.  But I am glad that one of the deli women who work in that store likes to make it on occasion.....and I reap the benefit....  because every time I find it there, I buy a huge tub.    

Now that my stress has dissipated, I can sense I am a bit "all-over-the-map" in my writing (and in my thoughts, too, I have to admit).  The idea of reading a good book this afternoon (or hell, I'd be fine with a journal article or two or three) on that couch with me smoking a pipe.... is awfully damn tempting!!!! 

PipeTobacco