Fr. Keith & Fr. David

 

About 4-5 years ago, while our parish priest was away on medical leave for several months, two visiting Capuchins, Fr. Keith and Fr. David were alternating with the saying of mass and providing of confessions.  At that time, I was in the midst of an early stage of considering quitting my pipe, because I was thinking it must be sinful to smoke my pipes.  I think I was lead to this notion by the some of the more ardent Fundamentalist Protestant friends (truth-be-told, all who told me this were of the Baptist faith).  

Father Keith is the older of the two, somewhere in his early 80s and is officially "retired" although he substitutes at masses widely to this day.  He also is a pipe smoker, and when I first met him, I knew he indulged in Borkum Riff pipe tobacco, as I saw the easily recognized edge of the pouch of this brand of pipe tobacco just slightly jutting out of his jacket pocket.  He is tall and quite lanky, and wears a mustache and goatee. At that non-Covid-19 time, I was the lay-person responsible for working through a lot of the set-up of various materials in preparation for mass.  When Fr. Keith would be the celebrant, it was his routine after concluding confession... he would at about 1/2 hour before mass began, walk outside into the garden area on the side of our parish and sit in the shade on a concrete bench.  The bench was surrounded by flowers, and he sat there, smoked his pipe and glanced through the notes he had written down for use in his upcoming homily.  He would then return into the church roughly 10-15 minutes before mass was to begin, and talk with me, and other parishioners ahead of the start of mass. 

Father David is younger, only in his late 60s... probably early 70s today.   He is a bit more average height, with a bald head and a beard and mustache. Fr. David does not smoke.  

During the period they were with our parish, I had gone to confession in the presence of one or the other of these priests several different times. On one of the occasions, Among the many wrongs I had spoken of... confessed.... and seeking forgiveness, I also mentioned of a "sin of failing to stop smoking my pipe" to Fr. David, the non-smoker.  

He talked with me for a bit about the sins I had committed, and before receiving absolution, he also specifically stated that smoking a pipe was NOT a sin.  It was a habit, is all.  I think I must have looked at him a bit quizzically, because I had been summarily brow-beaten into seeing my pipe and my pipe smoking as a "sin" by the Fundamentalist Protestant friends I mentioned above.  Fr. David stated that a habit such as that is not a sin, because it is not done in personal defiance of God, nor did it meet the other criteria of what would consistent sin. He further added,

"Of course, it is not great to do for your health, and it can potentially be difficult for a family's finances, but it is truthfully not sinful."

I do not have all his words precisely stated in the above, but this was the gist of his discussion with me.  I was initially surprised by the answer, but as I thought about it more... over the next several days it made more and more sense to me.  I think Fr. David's discussion with me was extremely helpful as I was struggling to grapple with the idea that even though perhaps I WAS sinning... in my heart I could not view my father, my grandfather, my uncles, my father-in-law as being sinful in regards to their smoking of their pipes.  That seemed too harsh and wrong.  And, with the advice from Fr. David, I felt I  better understood, and I felt a sense of relief.  

Still... even though I did not think of my pipe smoking as sinful any longer, my pipe smoking was still bothering me in some way that I could not quite figure out.  It took Fr. Keith to help me better realize what I was experiencing.  

It was perhaps three or four weeks after the discussion with Fr. David when I happened to attend the particular mass being celebrated by Fr. Keith that week.  In confession ahead of mass, I tried as usual to address all of my damnable sins like I always try to do.  It is extremely challenging, because you have to be willing to see and acknowledge your own failings.  I struggle in shame at both the sins I commit, and also at the difficulty I have in acknowledging my sins.  Afterwords, because it was a VERY early Sunday mass and was typically lightly attended, there was no other confessor and there were still a few minutes before Fr. Keith needed to conduct his preparation out in the garden, pipe in hand ahead of mass. 

So, I stayed a bit and told him of the discussion I had with Fr. David, and how it was a relief to me.  And, Fr. Keith nodded.  He already knew I was a pipe smoker, for one time after a Saturday mass, I stayed late after mass finished to do some rather mundane janitorial/cleaning work in the "multipurpose room" that is adjacent to the church building.  I was cleaning and arranging tables, working a bit in mopping the floor, especially in the kitchen area... and I worked on a few other neglected odds and ends.  This is the room in which parish council meetings occur, funeral lunches occur, etc.  He happened to come into the multipurpose room while I was there, and I had been smoking my pipe while doing some of the cleaning, and we both ended up sitting and talking a bit after I had finished my cleaning.  

I'm more than a little bit off track here.... so, back to when I was in confession with him again.  I had told him of my discussion with Fr. David and Fr. Keith nodded in agreement.  But, I then mentioned that I still was feeling a bit out-of-sorts and not sure what to think or feel about my pipe smoking.  

Fr. Keith helped me to see the second part of my answer.  He again, affirmed that my pipe smoking (nor his) was sinful, but he also had me contemplate the idea that perhaps what I was feeling was a sense of worry, a sense of fear about smoking a pipe.  And, I said, sure.... of course I have some of that feeling.  

He then told me, it may be very much THAT.  It may be that FEAR you are needing to think about.  Living a life of fear about something you purposefully do.... that FEAR can be a sin.  

That idea resonated with me on so many different levels.  It helped me to see things in a different light.  

I have to cut off for the moment, as I have finished my miniature, lunch-time, wild, rapid-fire, scattered thoughts-style post, but I have now run out of time and have to get back to classroom cyborging.  As this may not be a complete thought, when I look back later today, I will know if I have said what I needed to say here today, of if I should continue with this tomorrow.     

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