Measure of a Man
Quick lunch break post again today. Perhaps even quicker as I am in my U office and have a smaller period of time as today is a day of a lot of face-to-face interaction.
With the Covid-19 situation, it is a rather edgy experience when face-to-face. I am pretty bushed already.
With the new recommendation to wear double masks due to the more virulent strain of Covid-19 that is out-and-about in my region.... it is even more challenging to speak to a whole class in a loud, "professorial" voice than it was before with just the one mask. It makes me rather tired. I also miss being able to see (and give) non-verbal communication signals (smiles, grins, etc.). You of course, can see some of it in the crinkling of eyes, etc, but it is a bit stifling at times. But... it is important for safety. In some ways I wish I had all my classes on Zoom or Teams or some such platform this semester. Even though some of my classes ARE in that venue, and there are some challenges to that too.... I think it is a more successful method to deliver "me" and my nuances to the students... in addition to just science content.
Today is about measuring myself, measuring my life, measuring my behavior. Like the beaker above that allows one to measure a precise quantity of fluid, I am now thinking if I can lead a measured life.
So, from yesterday, I can say I now recognized a major factor of my refraining from my pipes was to try to live a life where I would not be purposefully doing something that caused fear. Now that I have gone almost three years without smoking my pipes, I am wondering if there IS a level that I can find comfortable (meaning without having the fear component) that would allow me a return to the beautiful avocation? Last week when I started to write I initially threw out there a "once every two week" approach as a possibility for it seemed (off the top of my head) that I probably wouldn't find that too worrisome and relatively speaking safe.
But, I am not sure about a few things:
1. I am not sure what the actual level of pipe smoking without worry would be for me. Might I be able to indulge once weekly? Once a day? Or never? I am still reasoning through that. As the ideas gel more, I will eventually talk about them more.
2. If I am able to discern an adoptable, "worry-free" pattern of indulgence, am I physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong enough to adopt and maintain the adoption of this pattern.... or would I be weak and falter back into a greater level of indulgence all too easily and thereby also fall back into the sin of fear?
Not as long today. Have to rush back to class. Probably not as coherent either. :)
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
Kind sir,
What level of teaching without worry can you manage? It seems to me that your posts describe that in order to carry out your life as a teacher you must learn to live with a certain level of fear... yet we don't see you writing about a potential decision to abstain from teaching -- even though you probably have a few colleagues who in your situation would put a projector or monitor up in the lecture hall and would "Zoom" in to "meet" your students.
In this life, in one sense aren't we ALWAYS in the presence of factors that can bring us to fear? Whether it's COVID, or crossing a busy street, or eating processed food, or drinking polluted water... What is it, if anything, that makes pipe smoking a different category of potential fear?
Also, why are you so fearful of being "weak"? Your Roman Catholic heritage is filled with saints who recognized their weakness. In fact, for some, being "spiritually strong" can end up provoking a pridefulness that is in fact the fundamental sin of all sins, the worst of them all.
Indeed, if sin is your ultimate worry, wouldn't you be in a more sound spiritual position if you humbly accepted your weakness and your need for your pipes, instead of pridefully insisting that you are "strong enough" to exert your will over the matter?
Yes, smoking your pipes may hasten your death. However, NOT smoking your pipes may hasten your death. You just don't know. If you believe the original 1964 Surgeon General's report, there are a few people for whom pipe smoking is correlated with LONGER life, not shorter life. If, however, you believe a generation or two of public service announcements, if tobacco doesn't kill you then animal fat or milk fat or dirty water or household background radiation will kill you. If you are fearful of smoking your pipes, maybe you will want to research the many OTHER hazards that allegedly can kill you. There's a lot you could fear; have you talked with any respected friends or priests about how you might reach a happier level of acceptance of your circumstances?
You do have a lot to think about, and I wish you all as you contemplate what to do.
My daughter tells me that I overthinks things, but you have me beat. :)
I admire your devotion to your students and their education.
You and your teaching colleagues everywhere are doing heroic work.
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