Slug

 

I actually think slugs are exceptionally cool creatures.  Snails are more akin to slugs who are RVing, so they are pretty cool as well.... but I find working with (non-human, animal) slugs to be quite fun.  I do not do research with them, but in one of the labs I teach in my ethology course, I have the students work with slug behavior in a maze learning experience, and I also lecture about the physiology of snail mucin (the material that makes the the "slug slime" of the beast).  It is helpful for the locomotor behavior of the beast and it can be used in defense by the slug.  In some species, the mucous secreted also has chemical agents that make the fluid rather antimicrobial and in some cases also a mild anesthetic.  I also like to mention (much to the horror of some of the students) that snail mucin is actually incorporated into some commercially beauty products (cosmetics, shampoos) and some medical salves.  

But, today I am not so fond of the (human) slugs in one of my research groups.  They have not yet gotten me their data in the form of an Excel file so that I can produce graphs for them of their data.  This means I am at a (nervous) standstill.  

I am already at the peak of excitedness imagining going to the Retiree's Cigar Group tomorrow!  Unfortunately, my schedule means I will be very late, but I am hoping, with weather looking ok, that I WILL get there in time to have at least 2-3 stragglers remain so they can chat with me for a while.  It is an incredibly peaceful and relaxing experience, and I so look forward to it.  

Presuming I can work like hell this Friday, I should be able to catch back up on things I have let slide (grading) while fixing the kids' research graphs so much of the last two weeks.  On Friday my wife and I are planning on going to a play, and on Saturday there is a TUBA CONCERT (yes, I am serious) that I very much want to attend. As you know, I relish the low instruments (my own bass clarinet, contra alto clarinet, contrabass clarinet, tenor sax, baritone sax, euphonium, tuba).... and when I read of an actual TUBA Concert, I knew it was for me.  I am not sure if my wife is ACTUALLY interested or is just humoring my eccentricities.... but she is willingly coming with me to this as well. 

PipeTobacco

PCS - 8.5... I know this may sound awful.... but I have done this a couple of times.  When I get into some certain lecture topics that  are SO easy (I guess I mean for me, not the students) I sometimes can get into a bit of an "autopilot" mode where I am animated and gesturing about and lecturing like usual.... but I can slip into a bit of a daydream as well.  Well in today's lecture about basic comparative brain circuitry and my rather elaborate diagramming and discussion of the zebra finch higher vocal center (a brain region that in male finches is the telencephalonic region of circuitry for development of their elaborate song production), I was in the midst of a daydream about smoking a bowlful of cube cut, Sir Walter Raleigh pipe tobacco.  I wasn't really "seeing" it as I was looking at the students as I talked, but I was emotionally feeling it in my mind as was recalling that ingrained, repetitive pattern of drawing from the stem of my pipe. 

Contentedness Score... a 7, which I consider pretty damn good for how hectic life still is at this moment.  I might even have listed a 7.5 if I was not weighted down by the (human) slugs I spoke of.  

Snow and Computer

Just a brief post because I have been unable to sit to write anything meaningful (if I ever do, anyway).....

We had a large amount of snow that happened Saturday through to Sunday and  while we made it to Mass on Saturday, most all weekend my time was spent either a) on the computer doing analysis to help my research students prepare their talks or I was snow shoveling.  

I did help my wife with dinner, however... Frittata, (with lots of vegetables and an Ethiopian style curry seasoning), lots of other vegetables, and my requisite salad that is bigger than my head. 

I am exceedingly bushed this Tuesday morning.   My secretary messed up the printing of my exams for students, so I am lecturing ahead on the fly instead.  That is exhausting.  

I daydream and night-dream about pipes and pipe tobaccos.  And, I also keep imagining the act of being able to go to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" this Thursday.  

Running like usual.  Band last night was squeezed in.  But, very little else but work when I come home.  I am a true cyborg at this point.  

The end of this mad work schedule is in sight.  I am hoping before Thursday when I head to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" I will have everything as done as I can damn well do for my students and it is then on them to PRACTICE and PRACTICE their talks.  They will have about 1.5 weeks to bring their talks up to snuff..... so they need to practice.

PipeTobacco

More Snow

Over today and tomorrow, we are anticipated (again, taken with the rather salty caveat that our television weather-folk tend towards hyperbole, exaggeration and wild speculation) to acquire ~10 inches (~25cm) of new fluffy, white stuff.  We shall see how much time I ultimately have to spend pushing snow around today and tomorrow.  

I am still thinking deeply about what to do as a way to become more attuned to the way my faith directs me to live through my Lenten journey.  I want to work to become the better person I can and should be.  Admittedly, I TRY to figure out my failings and TRY to figure out ways to become better as a human across the entire year..... as I should.  But, the Lenten journey offers me the more coalesced, more focused opportunity and time to try with more energy to become what I should be.

So, what of my many shortcomings would be the most important to focus upon?  Here are things I know:

1.  I am lazy.  I can and do push myself to do things.  But, left to my own desires, I am inherently lazy.

2.  I am unfocused.  It takes me considerable energy to train my mind towards a task.

3.  I do not love sufficiently.  In my mind and in my heart, my emotions roil and boil and are wholly effusive.  Yet, I am very often too tired, too afraid, too exhausted, or too timid to express my love as effervescently as I should be able to do.  Whether this is to my wife, to my kids, to my dog or cat, or in a friendship way to my friends, my co-workers (most of them) or students (most of them).... I FEEL love deeply, but I am not as successful at expressing that love through words nor actions.  

4.  I live in fear.  I believe I end up wasting considerable time in a state of fear.  I fear for my family, I fear about a sense of incompleteness in my relationships (due to my lack of effort), I feel fear about my work, I feel fear about my health, I fear not being able to retire, and yet I also fear retiring, I fear being pointless, and I fear having and continuing to waste my life, or at least not maximizing the life and the opportunities within it I have been given.

The above are the primary thoughts I search through as I try to create my Lenten path this year.  I have recently acquired the "app" (I dislike that term, I would prefer everyone simply say "application") called "Hoopla" so I can check out books electronically from my city's library and read them on my Kindle.  I am searching through a number of Capuchin theology texts to select one that I hope may be helpful to guide me as I continue to try to determine my path.  When I eventually select the primary text (hopefully this weekend), I will try to report on what I find from its pages.  

In the notion of having one of my hoped for three Lenten aspirations be to learn from either refraining from the "Retiree's Cigar Group" or  through refraining from ABSTAINING from my pipes and pipe tobaccos.... I can see strong merits for potential growth in either approach... but I also see a variety of risks... risks mostly in my own limited fortitude.  I fear I would lose the young, perhaps fragile friendships I have formed with the "Retiree's Cigar Group" fellows if I purposefully refrain from attending.  Regarding my pipes, I fear I would not focus on growth, but instead on hedonistic enjoyment if I were to refrain from abstaining from my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  Would I truly focus on GROWTH and not on hedonism if I did so?

I do know that for today, my focus will be on further refinement of the talks my researcher students will be making soon.  I do know my focus will also be on grading the many papers, exams and other ephemera that have already been submitted by students and await my red pen.  I need to keep a focus on being directive in my grading and comments, but also kind.  I need to work to guide them and not just "judge" their efforts.  I have noticed that without a pipe clamped between my chompers as I scribble with my red pen, I do always have to concentrate more on maintaining that directive, yet kind focus.    

My wife and I will attend Mass this late afternoon, because we anticipate it may be more difficult to get to Mass on Sunday morning.  I am hoping that the homily strikes a strong chord with me to help me shape my path. 

My efforts at upper body strengthening have gone by the wayside to large extent.  I have seemingly lost the time I had thought I had for this effort in the myriad of other work tasks I feel behind in.  Perhaps that should be a second, Lenten focus?  I think it is important... but not to become an "Arnold Schwarzenegger" type, which I could never become.  But, instead, I believe that building more tone and strength in this way would allow me a greater chance of maintaining strength to do work as I continue to age, and I would like this work to include volunteering work I hope becomes a more sizable effort I engage in during my retirement.  I would like to become a bigger presence at helping at Soup Kitchens for the poor, and for work with "Meals on Wheels" and similar such programs for the needy, housebound, etc.  I think that would be an excellent focus for my retirement years.

PipeTobacco   

   

Upcoming Lenten Journey

Fortunately, I have a bit more time to think and plan for what I would like to strive for in my Lenten journey this year.  Ash Wednesday is considerably later this year (March) than the last few years (February).  However, I am rather all over the map in regards to what I should do at this time.  

A Lenten Fast in my Catholic faith incorporates the following concepts:

A primary goal of fasting during Lent is to repent, or turn away from sin, and to prepare for Easter. Fasting is a traditional way to signify sorrow for transgressions and to express humility for failures. It is a way to discipline the body and train the mind and increase understanding of faith. 

Components of a Lenten fast include:

Repentance - feeling sorrow and the offering of reparation for failures to be good and kind. 

Self-control - displaying the ability to make good and kind choices. 

Prayer - fasting can facilitate prayerfulness and contemplation.

In reality, the ideas of a Lenten journey are to become better as a person, become more prepared for Easter, and to (arguably in an exceedingly small way) model and shape one's life to attempt to model the fasting of Christ.

* * * * 

With the above, I can literally chose from a near infinite number of options in which I could work to try to become a better person, become a kinder, more caring individual, and lose at least some of my many, many failings.

Two ideas have been mentioned here that do each have merit for me to consider adopting.  Yet each is rather in conflict with each other in some fashion.  These two ideas revolve around my persistent thoughts about my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  In the now seven full years in which I have abstained from my pipes and pipe tobaccos (sans my Dad's 100th birthday), I initially entered into my effort to abstain with the full belief that as time passed, the desires for, the memories of, and the interest in my pipes and pipe tobaccos would dissipate.  That has proven to be inaccurate.  I now believe that regardless of whether I smoke my pipes or not, I will very likely continue to desire, continue to have memories of, and continue to have deep interest in my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  So, with that in mind, three different ideas have been suggested (or thought of):

1.  Pat suggested that perhaps I would benefit from a Lenten fasting from ABSTAINING from my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  

And, in my mind, this seems delightful to consider.  It is almost akin to a "Get out of jail free" card in Monopoly to my mind.  I could dive back into the journey I have missed.  As was suggested, though, if I view it in the light than I am fasting from abstaining in order to better understand my attachments to the pipes and pipe tobaccos... that could be a good thing.  But, in the same vein, if I were to do this, but not really follow through in the focus on examination, thought, and understanding of  the "whys?" I could very easily fall into gluttony and hedonism as my focus with fasting from abstaining.  I think it could be a rather narrow tightrope to balance upon.

2.  Another suggestion is that I could instead fast from the "Retiree's Cigar Group" during Lent.  

In this mode, I would, I guess, be focusing on introspection of my motives for smoking a pipe.... in an environment devoid of the influence of the weekly cigar indulged in with the group.  And, I can see potential merit in this as well.  Yet, I had that sort of environment for years PRIOR to starting to attend the "Retiree's Cigar Group" and during that time the findings of my introspection were, at best chaotic, and at worst unsuccessful.  Perhaps the thought is now that I have been indulging in a cigar weekly that to abstain would in some way perhaps replicate my original period of abstaining from my pipes and if so, this may offer me new insights.  

* * * * *

Yet, in idea #1 (fasting from abstaining) I do think there is a very real risk that a) I would simply fall into a very easy sense of gluttony and hedonism and would wallow as happily there as a pig does in mud, or b) even if I would strive to begin abstaining again at Easter, would I have literally "fallen off the wagon" and not be able to return?  I do not know if I would chose to return to the state of abstinence.  It was quite difficult that first time.  Perhaps it would be even more difficult a second time?  

And, in idea #2 (fasting from the "Retiree's Cigar Group), I would feel especially a sense of loss of the friendships I have made.  When I went there yesterday, there was only one fellow from the group there, and because I was especially late, he was only able to stay about 15 minutes.  I did chat with the owner a bit as well, but then I went to the upstairs loft and quietly read by a brightly lit window for another hour and a half.  Even that little bit of friendship time felt enriching to me. And, yes, the cigar was entertaining as well.  It was not a pipe, and a pipe would be several logarithmic levels more enticing and wonderful.... but the cigar was nice.  But, perhaps it is the WHOLE of the experience that has the significance.  The "Retiree's Cigar Group" seems in some way to be a mechanism to get me to "slow down" if you know what I mean.  When I left late in the late afternoon, I felt exceedingly relaxed, and more "present" in myself than I know how to adequately put into words.    

* * * * *

So, while the above two seem to each have merit as possibilities, both have considerable worrisome aspects to me as well.  They are still both options for this upcoming Lent, but I am also beginning to try to look more broadly as well for other things that could form part of my Lenten journey this year.  I have sometimes in last Lents attempted and strove for up to three different foci.  I am not sure if I have the energy for that many challenging foci or not this year, but it is an option.

PipeTobacco

PCS - 7

Contentedness Score - 5

Makes You Go "Hmm?"

Well, the predicted 12 inch (~30cm) snowstorm did not come to fruition.  Instead, we received roughly, only ~6.5 inches (~15-16cm) of the fluffy stuff. 

I had thought that perhaps that WOULD be the SWEET SPOT of perhaps just enough snow for the U to close.  

NO.

Although EVERY OTHER institute of higher learning in the region DID CLOSE...... a community college ~5 miles away from the U, another community college about 30 miles from the U, a smaller U about 35 miles away from the U, a vocational school ~10 miles away from the U..... and EVERY K-12 school in the vicinity... and they notified their students and worker folks by 11pm last night..... 

my U...... notified us at 6:45am this morning.... that they would have a "2-hour delay" which meant that the U would not open until 10:00am. 

On Thursdays, my classes START at 10:00am.  So, no difference in my workday.... other than I do not have any preparation time before the classes begin.  

This news (and its late delivery) was just a TAD frustrating.

So, what did I do?  

Well, I got up.... I could not get to run as the Community Center's Track was closed until the afternoon to allow for snow removal in their parking lot.  I pottied the dog, made my coffee, and bundled up in my snow gear to go shovel and plow the driveway so I could get out.  

But, noise ordinances do not permit loud noise prior to 8:00am in my region.  So, I had to wait a bit.  I did QUIETLY hand shovel sidewalks, porches, and also shoveled snow away from the garage doors.  And, then at 8:01am, I fired up my infernal snow beast and began the long pathways of many, many back and forth travels up and down our driveway to push & blow the snow away.  With the orientation of our house and with the heaviness of the snow and the height of the drifts, the driveway typically requires TWO complete cleans.... the first to move a sizable majority of the snow, and a second pass through to be actually showing the surface near the concrete. 

I raced through the two cleanings as fast as I could.  Disrobed from all my snow gear, and then cleaned up a bit (washing face, brushing hair, beard, and mustache), tossed on a little Old Spice (well, technically a store brand, less expensive version... and yes, it is an old bottle I have had for at least 15 years... I am not sure if Old Spice (or its facsimile) is available anymore) since I did not have time to shower, dressed and drove (slowly due to poor roads) to the U.   

* * * * * *

• I will have to make up running miles.  Perhaps I can run more tomorrow, or I can push miles into Saturday even though I like having the weekends off from running.  
• Because the U has me working, I am damn well going to try my very best to traverse (carefully) to the shop.  I do not know if anyone will be there from the "Retiree's Cigar Group" or not.  But, I still want to try.  I will bring a book, in case I am alone.

PipeTobacco

PCS - 9 - I had always been my pattern to have a pipe as a reward after doing a good job on snow removal.  Even after all the years I have refrained, the loss of that reward is something I really notice.

Contentment Score - 5 - now that I complained a bit (in the above) about the U, I feel a bit better... much better than I did at 6:45am this morning.  It is just another day..... but with a few added hassels.

Beyond Exhausted

 

*** I started this post on Tuesday, but was so exhausted, I gave up and am finishing it now***

From Tuesday:

I put every ounce of energy into my 4.5 hours of "big voice lecturing".  I am awfully damn bushed.  I just realized I inadvertently used part of a lyric (every ounce of energy) of a song I have always liked (Turn the Page - Seger - certainly my favorite of his many works).  

I only ran 8 miles (~13 km) this (Tuesday) morning. I ended up getting up later than I should have because I was tired after getting home from band practice last evening.  

Band, although it was tiring having such a late night (Monday night), was quite enjoyable.  Two of the songs I especially enjoy playing in our current performance package for this series are:

Bolero for Band  

Selections from Wicked

From Today (Wednesday):
 

I ran another smaller run this morning of only 8 miles (~13km).  I am having trouble getting up when I should and end up not getting to the indoor track until around 6:30am. I should be better at this.

We are potentially getting one helluva big snowstorm today into tomorrow.  Potentially 12 inches (~30cm) (if the cataclysmic forecasters are actually accurate).  We shall see.  

If that much snow happens, it may mean I cannot even go LATE to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" on Thursday which will disappoint me a whole helluva lot.  But.... if we hit just the perfect "sweet spot" where perhaps we get enough snow that the U decides to close campus, but the roads are reasonable by noon.... then.... I might just be able to venture out and GO to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" and get there on time!!!!!

I will be keeping a close eye on the weather.  I am hoping to have it be that perfect "sweet spot".  It would be great to meet with ALL my friends, some of whom I have not seen in at least four weeks now.  

PipeTobacco

PCS - a reasonably manageable 7.5.  The yearning and hunger are there and fully tangible.  Yet, I have so much to keep me busy that it simply is there.... nudging me every few minutes.  

Contentment Score - a nervous 7.  I feel like I have all the various plates spinning on the rods, and none of them are cantilevering dangerously.  It is a nerve wracking time, but it too feels more manageable today than it has for quite a spell.    

Mini-Comments Day

With the ongoing need to work with my students for their upcoming talks, I am writing a brief mini-comments post today... with the idea that these are just a few thoughts from a few comments..... there are several others I do wish to explore further, but with time limited today, this is what I can do.

AC stated:

"....[he] was observing that pipes produce ash. Sounds like it keeps with the season in one respect."

Haha!  That is very true.  I remember quite fondly a cute comic that was published in our Dioceses' Catholic Newspaper back in the late 70s or early 80s where the kids in the comic were play-replicating Ash Wednesday.  The kid "priest" used one of his father's neckties for the orarium (stole) and was using one of his dad's spent, cold pipes with left over ash in the bowl as the ashes he was distributing to his playmate "parishioners."  I cut out that comic from the newspaper, and probably have it in some box somewhere.  I would like to see it again.  It was cute.   

GaP stated:

"It's very obvious that you love your pipes and tobacco, Professor. They gave you great joy."

Yes, that is true.  I do love my pipes and pipe tobaccos. Whether I SHOULD love them or not is the harder to answer question.  

Margaret stated:

"You are a determined person."  

I can say that I relish being thought of as a determined person, so I thank you for that pleasant complement.  But in my heart/mind I believe I am a very LAZY person.  I TRY regularly and with a lot of energy to force myself to do things I think I should do, things I can do, and things I need to figure out how to do.  But, if push comes to shove, I sadly am rather a lazy lout in most ways, which I dislike about myself.  If I were determined, I believe I would have more of an innate sense of directionality in what I do.  Mostly, what I seem to do is to try to fix things, for my family, for my students, and I try to fix myself. 

Pat stated:

"...you would find it uncomfortable to "fast" from the Retirees Cigar Group during Lent...  ...I would suggest that you attempt a cigar/Group fast for Lent. But my guess is that such a fast would be much too hard for you to maintain."

Hmm.  I do know that I relish the friendship of the "Retiree's Cigar Group".  Even with one or two stragglers when I have to be late, it feels important for me to be there.  And, yes, I can admit that having a cigar is pleasant.  But it has never been in any appreciable sense a sufficient "replacement" for my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  You may be correct about the nicotine aspect, but I am not sure.  But, I do know that I would feel a sense of loss at not going to the "Retiree's Cigar Group".  I will have to keep in mind and think about what you suggest about either giving up the "Retiree's Cigar Group" for Lent, or the converse of "giving up the abstaining from my pipes" for Lent.  Both ideas create very muddied thoughts in my mind, and I am not sure how to proceed.  But, I will think more on both ideas and eventually try to write more about what I can figure out.  I have to think deeply about how to make this Lent as meaningful a pathway of cleansing and renewal as I can figure out.

* * * * * 

• 10 rather pleasant miles this morning.... even though it was the zillion-billion loop style on the indoor track.  It felt good.  No muscle discomfort (my gastrocnemius was acting up a bit last week).  The only damage was that I bashed my forearm into a pointed edge of a metal post on the track in one of my loops.  When I undressed to wash and get ready for the U, I found I had punctured the skin (under my exercise shirt) and needed a bandaid and some antibiotic ointment.  
• My wife and I are HOPING TO SWIM this late afternoon.  It should be relaxing.  
• My wife has put on (in the Crockpot) one of our favorite lentil dishes.  I have missed it, having eaten the last frozen portion several weeks ago.  It is rich and spicy, and the texture of the lentils is wonderful, especially because we substitute 1/2 mung beans in the original recipe (instead of ALL lentils, we have a mix of 1/2 lentils and 1/2 mung beans.  

The fellow in the image is not me, but his beard shape is similar to mine this morning.  

PipeTobacco