Thanksgiving & Decorating

Thanksgiving this year (happily) turned out to be a calm and pleasant affair.  All of the kids came home, and... there has been no drama (hugely thankful for that).  We had a very pleasant day.  And, on Friday, everyone rallied together too to actually decorate the house for Christmas.  This is not usual, and it too was pleasant in all regards.  It is rather quite nice to have the house SET for the holiday so early.  It means that we are settled into our routine from yesterday (Friday) until January 6th, the day my wife and I will pack the decorations away.  

My youngest son brought a pecan pie he had made, and it was very tasty.  It was only the second pecan pie he had ever made, and it was very successful and delicious.  He has been into baking and cooking a lot the last several months.  It is rather interesting as when he was a young kid, he was rather impatient about our cooking meals and always wanted "fast food".  

We are expecting to receive between 5 - 9 inches (~12 - 23 cm) of snow between this evening and Sunday afternoon.  I really need to go double check to see if the snow blower is up to snuff or not.  But, unfortunately, it is rather too late to do much about it, if it is not.  So, I may simply stay in my office here, grading, and hope for the best.  I am very glad that about 2 weeks ago, during a thaw, that I remembered to pound into the ground the orange stakes I have to demarcate the driveway and sidewalk so that I can more easily shovel and plow the driveway.  I had forgotten to put them in earlier, when I should have done so, and the ground had gotten rather frozen.  I am thankful for the brief thaw we had, because those stakes/poles help greatly.  

With the start of Advent this week, I am truly trying to focus on the four themes of the season.... hope, peace, joy, and love.  I am hoping I am able to grow more into the person I should be.  My many failings are all too apparent to me, and I know I can and should be better.  I want to work to shed the failings I have.  

Due to Thanksgiving, I could not run my hamster loops on Thursday, so I went to indoor track this morning to get through my missed miles.  It feels good to have reached the mileage for the week, even though it is a day later than usual.  

I have been reliving in my imagination the delightful flavors, the sanguinity of my spirit, and the the beautiful nurturing of my neurons that the sole pipe provided me last Tuesday.  The experience was so vivid.

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The Pipe

The manner in which things transpired at the U made it so, that instead of being able to go to the cigar shop on Monday, which was my Dad's 102nd Birthday, I instead went on Tuesday afternoon.  I did this mostly because with the unexpected U challenges on Monday, I would have felt it would be a rather rushed experience.  Tuesday had inherently greater flexibility.  

When I arrived, there were none of the "Retiree Cigar Group" fellows at the shop.  Other than the shop worker, there was only one other fellow, who I did not know in the shop.  I figured this might be the case, so I brought some paperwork with me and also brought with me the book "Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family" which I have been reading sporadically.  It is a book looking at the potential genetic aspects of schizophrenia through the lens of a biography of a family with twelve kids, six of whom developed schizophrenia. The case is well known in neuroscience circles, but this biography is very well done and helps to integrate the conditions into a much more honest and real context.

So, I go up to the counter with a Brickhouse Maduro "Mighty-Mighty" which I have found to be a reliable, predictable cigar.  If none of the retiree fellows showed up, I would simply save it for next Thursday.  But, then I also asked the shopkeep to please give me an ounce of Lane 1Q which was probably the most interesting of the few pipe tobaccos they had.  The shop had this (and all their) pipe tobacco in bulk form in larger glass jars.  He looked at me slightly quizzically at first, but did bag up the ounce.  I mentioned to him that I was going to go upstairs to find a quiet spot to read and/or fuss with the paperwork I had.  He nodded.  

As I sat down in a comfortable leather chair and peered out and about (you could see much of the first floor as well, as the second floor was only a partial floor, with a sort of internal balcony of sorts.  I opened the pouch of Lane 1Q, and as I had anticipated and expected, it was incredibly, excessively moist.  This is by no means abnormal.  Most pipe tobaccos are SOLD in a VERY moist state.  But, the heavy moisture content is NOT conducive to pleasant smoking.  Most, if not all, dedicated pipe smokers know very well that they want to allow time for their pipe tobaccos to air dry considerably before indulging. 

So, I stuffed the Lane 1Q into the pocket of my sport coat.  From my coat's breast pocket I withdrew the small pouch of "Three Star Blue" I had purchased, hell, perhaps two years ago one of the times I was in Chicago and visited Iwan Reis.  I also withdrew my pipe (The one I had brought was my Dad's well used, Dr. Grabow Omega with me), and fished out my Zippo from my coat as well.

The process and pattern of opening the pouch, filling the bowl, etc, felt still so natural and "second nature" to me.  The bowl of the pipe fit so reassuredly comfortably in the palm of my hand, like they always had.  

I spent several minutes thinking about my Dad, his birthday, my love and appreciation for him, and of course how I missed him too.  I did NOT cry, but I admit I felt a larger than normal amount of lacrimal fluid flowing across my eyes. 

With my thumb, I opened the lid of my Zippo, and it provided its unique "klink" sound upon opening.  I then spun the flint wheel with my thumb and a soft, yellow flame erupted.  I brought the flame to the bowl and slowly nourished and coaxed the flame into the leaf.  I then, with my index finger, gently tamped the leaf within the bowl to an even level, then repeated using the Zippo to draw the flame more deeply into the bowl to create the ember of leaf and flame.

* * * * * 

I am at a loss for adequate words to describe the indulgence in this bowl of pipe tobacco.  Although wholly inadequate.... the best I can summarize is that it was utterly "beautiful" in every regard. I simultaneously felt emotions of calmness, serenity, joy, and peacefulness.  The flavors I experienced were rich, diverse, wonderfully vivid, and tasted wholly exotic.  My mind felt simultaneously invigorated and yet also felt deep tranquility.  I sat in that leather chair, not moving much if at all, for at least a good 45 minutes, gently sipping from the stem of the pipe as I quietly gazed both outwardly about the room and also inwardly in my mind.  I stayed that way through the point where every crumb of the pipe tobacco had transformed into a soft, grey-white ash, and the ember quietly expired.  

I continued to sit there for probably another 15-20 minutes, just continuing to allow myself to continue to bathe in lingering, yet slowly dissipating feelings and thoughts percolating through my body and mind.

* * * * *

I never did get to my book nor the paperwork I brought.  After a while, I gently knocked the ashes from the bowl of the pipe into the nearby ashtray, stowed my pipe, pouch and Zippo away, picked up my book and papers (and reading glasses), and shuffled downstairs to the main floor.  

I was walking over to the coat rack, where my (weather style) jacket was hanging near the front door of the shop.  But, then one of the fellows from the Retiree's Group came in (Jim).  He was in his (usual) talkative mood.  As he selected a cigar, I told him I would sit and talk with him.  We sat in the usual "Retiree's Circle of chairs near the front of the store.  I did indulge in the cigar I had purchased as well, while I talked with him.  Even though it sounds even to my ears, rather illogical.... while I did enjoy having the cigar.... it was in NO way or form anything like the beauty of that single bowl of pipe tobacco.  I am at a loss myself on how to explain it.  But it was DIFFERENT.  

The cigar was enjoyable.  The chatting was wonderful.  But the cigar was nothing like the pipe was.

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My Dad

Today would be my Dad's 102nd Birthday (it is now his 102nd birthday, but in heaven).  I do miss him greatly.  Yet, I work to keep him close to my heart each and every day.  It has been close to 32 years since he passed away.  

I remember so many talks with him.  I remember so many car rides.  I relish the memories of having pipes with him.  I relish the memory of going out with him to have Coney Dogs.  I just relish the memories of the times I was able to spend with him.  I hope he is proud of my efforts here on Earth.  I hope he can see how I do TRY to do good.  How I try to be helpful and a servant to others.  

I am going to strive to have a pipe in his honor.  However, because of some unanticipated work kerfuffle's that I need to wrangle in.... I am not sure if I will travel across town this afternoon, or instead tomorrow afternoon to do so.  But, it will bn one of those two afternoons.  

There are vastly too many stories to write about regarding my Dad.  They are swimming around in my neurons.  The memories are important.  I need to spend more time writing them out.

*****

Pat's comment last week was especially thought provoking to me, and I have been finding considerable wisdom in those words.  I am still mulling them over before I try to respond.  

*****

One of the songs we are playing in our Christmas series is the new song, "For Good" associated with the sequel to Wicked.  It has some intriguing syncopated rhythms that I find rather enjoyable and challenging.  

*****

I woke up later than I had intended today, and only was able to get in 5 (~8km) miles of hamster loops at the indoor track before getting cleaned up to go to the U, where I had an early Zoom meeting with a student.  

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Physical Exertion

It is not a surprise to anyone here that I run as a form of exercise.  A rough estimate that I think is pretty accurate is that I have been running now for closing in on ~12 years.  

I ran initially to see if I COULD do so.  When I was a kid, and rather chunky, I never ran..... because as a kid, I had a fear of failure and a fear of being ridiculed by the "cool" athletic kids.  I did, also, however, greatly ADMIRE folks who DID run.  I was also in AWE of an adult who I knew who ran, and admired his strength and determination to do so.  I always was in awe of folks who could run.  But, I never gave it much thought for me, as I believed it to be impossible.  Even when I lost the massive amount of weight I forced myself to lose (~135 pounds) to reach dead-center BMI, I never even considered running for several years.  

But, when I found I actually did have enough stamina, and enough gumption, and enough stubbornness to be able to run..... I found the IMPORTANT REASON for me to run, was primarily to reduce feelings of stress, day-to-day.   The other effects are mostly what I consider fringe benefits..... bonuses.  

I am eager to go to the Retiree's Cigar Group later today.  I hope it is as enjoyable as I am envisioning.

PipeTobacco 

A Fork in the Road/Routine

I was just thinking about Thanksgiving which is next Thursday, November 27th.  And, I realized that unfortunately, Thanksgiving will result in the cancellation of the Retiree's Cigar Group because the shop closes for Thanksgiving.  

The loss of being with the group on Thursday the 27th is not pleasant.  But, in keeping with my idea of trying to find a positive resolution to something I cannot really regulate or control, I have been thinking.  And, I think I have a nice idea I MAY try:

Since there is NO Retiree's Cigar Group next week, I am thinking that I may purposefully go there one day next week when they are open, when I can.  I am thinking I could go perhaps on Monday  as I have at least a bit of the afternoon available to go as there is not band this upcoming Monday.  I also think it would be a good day as it would be a way for me to celebrate my Dad's 102nd Birthday and remember him.  I am even thinking of bringing a pipe, and having a pipe there and possibly one smaller than usual cigar IF there are any of my friends there on this what will be an atypical day.  The cigar would allow me to buy something (their pipe tobacco is miniscule, and also would be far too moist to smoke immediately).  

At least at the moment, I believe the above could be a workable plan.  We will see if it actually transpires.

PipeTobacco

An Attitude of Gratitude

So, during the considerable thinking I did during the weekend, I RE-RECOGNIZED something I already KNEW, but had somehow lost track of.  This re-recognition, I believe, will be a partial way I can change myself into a person who feels more "alive" and potentially more "content".  I know and understand that this is NOT some deep, philosophical construct and that it is simple (and some might say "polly-annish") logic.  I believe that one important step I can make toward feeling more alive and content is to more consistently develop and attitude of gratitude.   

An attitude of gratitude is a mindset where a person consistently focuses on and appreciates the positive things in their life, whether they are large or small.   And a rather important aspect of this is to strive to reduce dwelling on problems and/or failings as much as is reasonable.  

In many ways, the formation of an attitude of gratitude is a CONSCIOUS choice to recognize positives and to be sure to give them the appropriate "weight" they warrant given that for most (or at least for ME) my failings, my faults, and my problems seem to amplify in my mind.... and I am thinking that at least SOME of the time they are amplifying beyond what is warranted. I have read about this technique before, and I believe it has merit. My hope is that cultivating this attitude can potentially lead me to increases in happiness, optimism, and well-being. 

Some of the things I am going to try to have become a consistent habit for me include:

Conjuring up in my mind, daily appreciation.  I have been trying since Friday to sit for a few minutes before I start to read in bed at night.... and to mentally list at least FIVE things that I am grateful for from the day.  On rough days, it may be quite simple things like having been able to eat nourishing food, or having gotten up in a timely way in the morning.  But, on other days the list can expand and may have many elaborate components.  Reminding myself of anything I can think of that was positive..... makes it less likely I will focus on or at least less likely I will be overcome by negative things that may have occurred.  

I am trying to MORE verbally express gratitude.  Thus far, I have been more specific and more frequent in letting my wife know how and why I so appreciate and love her.  After Mass on Saturday as we were walking out, I specifically thanked my Retiree Cigar Group friend for getting me involved in the group.  I thanked our priest for his especially thought-provoking Homily.  I even thanked my dog for her companionship.   

I am also ACCEPTING that I ruminate and I do not think I will ever be able to master NOT ruminating.  But, INSTEAD of ruminating on things that HURT, I am trying to muster an ability to ruminate about positive thoughts and positive emotions I experience.  

I am also TRYING to develop an attitude where I can acknowledge I do some positive things.  I have been trying to reawaken an appreciation for things I do that can be identified as positives for others.  I have been thinking about how my effort in teaching is helping students reach their career aspirations, how my carefulness in care for my dog has allowed her to be quite robust and healthy at 13 years of age.  

Thus far, my efforts in the above have been able to shape my days and nights to be more peaceful.  And, for me that is very positive.  

I do not think the above represents ALL the work I need to do, by any means.  But, as an attempt to improve.... I feel the trajectory HAS moved in a better direction.  

PipeTobacco

Bootstraps Again

 

I have spent considerable time since last Thursday's post thinking about and trying to determine a course of action to "fix what ails me".  And, as I have determined in the past but then fail to follow is that I need to figure out a way to "pick myself up by my bootstraps" as the colloquialism goes.  

So, that is what I have been thinking about engaging during the weekend and into this week.  I will be trying to put down on paper (blog paper... aka... HERE) my ideas, goals, and thoughts.  I hope that it will work and it will be a productive venture.

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