Caenorhabditis elegans

Sydney Brenner was a very important scientist in the field of developmental biology.  In 1963, Brenner began research into a small worm of the species, C. elegans primarily in the area of neuronal development. In 1974, he began research into the molecular and developmental biology of C. elegans, which has since been extensively used as a model organism. It was the first multicellular organism to have its whole genome sequenced, and is the only organism to have its entire connectome completed.  A connectome is a mapping of the wiring of the circuitry of the brain. 

While I do not use C. elegans currently in my research, I do, however, when in face-to-face teaching, use C. elegans in a couple of lab experiences in the lab sections I teach.  It is a beautifully elegant creature from which we have learned a great deal. 

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Hills & Valleys

It is relatively unimportant as far as things go these days with the pandemic, but when I look inward at myself, I do see how my emotions ebb and flow.  One day I will feel comfortable and feel that we will be able to get through this situation with life relatively unscathed.  I can convince myself that we will be able to keep the curve flat enough so that we will be able to successfully treat folks who have this Covid-19 situation in a rough way in our hospitals and that the survival for them will not be determined by lack of care and shortages.  But, then the next day, I fear that we are already too, too late and that there will be so very many folks who, IF MEDICAL TREATMENT WERE AVAILABLE, would be able to recover.... but will perish because of our mistakes, our poor planning, our lack of medical supplies. 

To imagine a state  of affairs where some are suggesting the need for selecting who lives and who dies based upon their "value" to society makes me hurt so very deeply inside.  Even after Covid-19 is past... how do we, if we are a survivor, cope with these choices our society may have made? 

* * * * *

On a "lighter side" I found an old can of instant coffee hidden away in the cupboard.  We had it because we do not actually own a coffee maker as I am the only coffee drinker in the family and would, when wanting coffee, get it at work or at a convenience store.  In our state of sheltering in, I made myself a cup of instant coffee.  It was quite pleasant and felt like something "normal". 

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Mass Thoughts

I watched mass televised from the Cathedral today.  I am fortunate to be able to do that.  But, even though I am fortunate, I do wish I were able to be actually in Mass and able to receive communion. 

In the readings this mass, the following most strongly caught my attention and thoughts:

“Rabbi, the Jews were just trying to stone you,
and you want to go back there?”
Jesus answered,
“Are there not twelve hours in a day?
If one walks during the day, he does not stumble,
because he sees the light of this world.
But if one walks at night, he stumbles,
because the light is not in him."

To me, this struck a chord with the notion that I need to keep in mind the notion to be aware and alive concerning what I KNOW.  I do not need to be afraid or angry about things or people in life that have hurt me if I just keep in mind that I am a kind, decent person, and that I do work and strive to be a light for others. 

In a broader Covid-19 sense... this passage also struck me as being valuable to hightlight how SCIENCE and scientific understanding is a key light that is designed to help people.  We need to see the light that is a part of the way in which our Public Health Community and the CDC and others in science help to guide our society along the path towards being safe and hopefully successful in combating this virus.  Other voices, not of science, and even often anti-science try instead to convince the populace either a) yeah, we're going to start everything up for public gatherings ahead of Easter, or b) yeah, what does it matter if all those over 50 perish? 

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Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament

Even though I could not physically attend at the Cathedral or parish in my Diocese this Lenten season, My family was able to view the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament yesterday (Friday) afternoon that was being held by the Pope in Vatican City.  It was helpful to us.

 "Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament" is a Eucharistic practice in the Roman Catholic, traditions, in which the Blessed Sacrament is adored by the faithful. This practice may occur either when the Eucharist is exposed, or when it is not publicly viewable.  Adoration is a sign of devotion to and worship of Christ, who is believed by us Catholics to be present Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, under the appearance of the consecrated host. From a theological perspective, the adoration is a form of latria, based on the tenet of the real presence of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. Latria is a practice with a strong emphasis on the internal worship.

Trying to Establish a "New Normal"

Ok.  I am pushing myself to get back into my "routine" of sorts that approximates what I considered my "normal life" to be before the pandemic. 

Of course, we are all practicing social distancing and are in "lockdown" like most everyone else.  Hopefully, we will continue to remain healthy and not become sick with the virus.   Hopefully the isolation most of us are practicing WILL successfully flatten the curve enough so that folks who have an especially rough time with virus will have available hospital support to recover. 

* * * * *

So.... up until today, I have been spending most all day and evening every day just getting used to manipulating the electronic teaching world and then making all sorts of electronic teaching lectures, tools, etc for my students.  It feels in many ways like starting from scratch like I did so many, many years ago.... sure.... I know the content like the back of my hand.  But, I am used to face-to-face lectures and labs.  Everything about electronic teaching is one, two, or three steps removed from normal face-to-face and requires huge amounts of finessing, fixing, adjusting, creating, and in general, lots of writing to HOPE to get the deeper, more nuanced ideas that come so easily in face-to-face formats. But, I am persevering and working hard. 

* * * * *

The one thing I have maintained in this transition is to RUN.  I have actually been using my running to help cope with stress as well.   I have been typically running about 6.6 miles (11km) every morning.  I chose this amount because it is just a tiny bit over 1/4 of a marathon (26.2 miles, or 42km). It has helped me to be a bit  more even keeled emotionally. 

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Just Moving

Just keeping moving.  It seems like I cannot get into a routine.  I keep seeing it just out of grasp.  I need to get my work routine settled to get my life settled into the Covid-19 world.  It is not coming quickly.

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A Bit Calmer

Still not a big post, but I can say I am coping a bit better at the moment.  Yesterday had me about ready to throw in the towel with regard to electronic teaching....it never ends and is very labor intensive if you try to do well and not just give out “A” grades.  But I found my footing again and I feel like teaching will now be ok.  Covid-19.... I fear the next three weeks will be an utter nightmare for the world.  I am just hoping that all of you are safe and I hope my extended family and friends have heeded the warnings and are safe.... and that my immediate family and myself are also safe.

Such worrisome times.

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Maybe

Maybe if I just admit I am a bit overwhelmed, it will be better tomorrow.

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Break

Taking a small break from working on my classes to post today. 

It has been a few days of almost non-stop rain here.   That has made it more challenging for me in terms of running because the temperature is only a degree or two above freezing, and it has been quite windy as well.  But, I have been persevering and running on the trail.  I come back looking like a soaking wet dog, but then I hope in the shower to clean and warm up. 

After I completed enough teaching work for the day yesterday, I spent some time playing both my bass clarinet and my tenor saxophone.  I have two pieces I have been practicing, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for three Bb instruments, and also a reasonably good score for Chicago's "25-or-6 to 4" that I have been enjoying working on.  I found a backing track on-line for the Chicago that is in the right key and I have been working on playing along with that.

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Fail

I failed to get the time to write the bigger post I want to write.  Still managing and working hard to keep my students feeling as “ok” as possible at this time.  Even though Covid-19 is not going away anytime soon, I am still hopeful that I will be able to create a new “norm” at least in my work environment, so that I can have more even keel times in my day soon... under this new construct.

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So Much to Write

But, unfortunately I am still running out of time at the moment.  I *think* Monday will be better for me to write.... after I get one class of students through an exam.... they need my attention at the moment as they are stressing out, and it is hard to help them with the technology that is new to all of us.... they are having trouble getting used to it too.  I think it will be a long evening with many e-mails offering what support I can.  I and my family were able to watch Mass today, and I want to talk about that amongst MANY other things.  I will strive to get there tomorrow (Monday).

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Had to

...take a day away from electronics. 

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Tiny Post

Still struggling to get it all rolling well with the electronic education, but I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I am going to bed nearly at midnight tonight, which is an improvement.  I promise more as soon as I can get into a routine of sorts.

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One More

Still slogging away.  I am still beyond stressed about classes at the moment STILL let alone Covid-19.  I would like to have several drinks and several pipes at the moment.  I am hoping tomorrow will maybe slow me to settle down a bit about the classes.

I want to write more but I am too exhausted.  Maybe tomorrow.

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So Tired

I am beyond tired.  I have been staying up until ~2am the last several days to prepare classes.  That is all I can write for today.

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Tomorrow

Tomorrow is “launch day” as far as my electronic teaching goes.  I *think* I am about 80% ready with decent stuff.  I will be fussing and fixing things tonight still for the big launch.  After that point, I think my day will be able to fall into a general routine for work.  At least I sure as hell hope so.

I can say I am comfortable in how to create meaningful content electronically.  It is still not as fun or as “real” nor as “thought-provoking” as is face-to-face teaching.  But, it will allow the students to acquire, if they choose to, what they need.  The biggest part of my time in the whirlwind of the last several days was in my thinking, planning, developing and then learning and executing the ORGANIZATION of how students can navigate through this.  Electronic teaching requires a different mindset for both instructor and student.  I had to get my mindset “right” first on how to do it, and I have been working diligently to create things in such a way so as the students can get their mindset working in the same vein.

Wish me luck!

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One More....

.... super brief post.  I think if I keep working late into the night tonight, I may have my classes in at least an acceptable place for my ~250 students to continue there education on-line, electronically.  I wish it were different (as we all do), and I miss them.  But, at this time it will be for the common good to do it this way.  It has been a helluva lot of work to get things situated and in place (and to learn) with the electronic delivery, and it is NOT as good as regular face-to-face teaching.  But I am damn dogged determined to help them get where they need to be.

I am thinking that after tonight, I can adopt again a relatively normal time to teaching from here on out, and that I may be back up to snuff about posting starting tomorrow.

Stay safe!

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Super Brief

Other than Mass today (which I will talk about more later), I have been figuring out the unpleasant platform I have for electronic testing at my U.  It is unfortunately very convoluted and cumbersome compared to similar programs I have used for surveys and other such question asking programs.  But, to assure universal availability and access for all my students, I need to use this one.  But, it is not test writer friendly.

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Pi Day

To celebrate”Pi Day” my family made a cherry pie today.  It is cooling in the refrigerator as I type and we will be sampling it soon.

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Interesting Realization

With everyone on the planet dealing with Covid-19, it is a definite time of chaos.

In my own circumstance, it has resulted thus far in a need to adopt and develop new strategies for teaching, and I am working diligently to figure out how to best proceed in a way that is as fair and as equivalent for my students.  This immediate need for change is of course stressful.  It is mildly interesting how many of my pipe smoking behaviors arise innately without any conscious thought as I go about my work to figure out my changes in teaching.  I have absent-mindedly and reflexively reached into the pocket of my sport coat to rummage for my pipe so many times in the last 36 hours to only remember it is not there.  The pipe has always been a great companion in both happy and harsh times to me, I have known that.  But it is interesting to me how ingrained a behavioral mindset I have with pipe smoking to function when there is stress.  It is a sort of “fixed-action-pattern” apparently for me, which is a bio behavioral construct I often talk about but did not recognize in myself.

Back to working though changes and adaptations for me, now, however.

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Roil & Toil

So, my U is one of the many hundreds of universities around that is going to adopt on-line delivery of content for the foreseeable future until there is some positive change in the Covid-19 situation.

It will be an interesting time.  Even though it is rough for lab based instruction and for my research students.... for me the hardest part is not being able to interact with my many students on a face-to-face level.  I will greatly miss that interaction. 

* * * * *

My research meeting ALSO was one of the many public gatherings that was postponed/cancelled as well.  My research students who were going to present publicly for the first time were disappointed.  I was very seriously contemplating my first pipe adventure in so, so  very long, at the beautiful pipe shop too.  But, that will not be occurring now, of course.  My own research presentation.... it is "old hat" for me to present, so I am not worried about that.  My data will hold and be usable in the future somewhere.

* * * * *

So, all of this is of course needed and necessary for public health and safety.  So, I am not in any way trying to negate that.   As I usually do here, though, is I try to write somewhat coherently and cohesively on what it is that *I* am feeling inside as life unfolds about me.

* * * * *

Life and society is in a very nebulous state right now.  Feeling nebulous is difficult.

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Corona & Education

There is a lot of talk at various universities, colleges, and other places of learning in my region about possibly having only electronic delivery of educational content during the next 4-6 weeks due to the fears of the Corona Virus (Covid-19) pandemic.

I am not sure if that choice will be made and if it will come to pass, but it is worrisome.  I am in an age range at risk, but I am not sure what to think, actually.  While on-line delivery of educational content can suffice for simple lecture classes (even though face-to-face is still better), it feels especially rough for my laboratory based courses.  I am also concerned about my research students as well.

We shall see what comes to pass.

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Test of Mettle

The chaos continues. 

Not only is this one extremely stressful week for me in terms of preparing for a research talk, and helping students prepare for their research posters, the chaos of the corona virus, the gas prices, the stock market all are making this week a week that is testing my mettle to the maximum. 

I ran, but to try to save time, I only ran 5 miles which is the minimum I need to do each day, so that I could get to the U earlier.   I stayed up last night into the wee hours of the morning writing a test so that it could get to graphics in time.

Our Starbucks has a new policy I came across today where they no longer allow refillable cups due to the Corona virus scare.  So, I was carrying around a bunch of different cups until I could put away my refillable ones back in my office and lab.

Too much work, and way too little time.   And, I am having to keep a close eye on my emotions.   They are feeling very tumultuous at the moment, and to keep my Lenten vow, I need to keep as tight a reign on them as possible so that I do not go into an angry state.

And, of course, I am missing my friendly pipes as well.

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Hectic Week

This is the start of a hectic week for me.  I am working to keep my emotions in check during it all as I work on my Lenten vows.  This week will be a true test of my resolve to hold onto this year’s vow.   Please wish me luck.  I will need it.  I feel exhausted just imagining all that must transpire this week.  It is weeks like this where my pipes were especially valued friends and companions.


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Blueberry English Muffins

Before I head out to the concert, I am going to have a breakfast of blueberry English muffins. They have been a Sunday favorite for a few months now.

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Mass Thoughts on Saturday This Week

If you remember, a few weeks ago, I was offered (asked) to substitute for a bass clarinetist in a band in a community band a few cities away from my own.  Even though I had trepidation about doing this, not knowing if I would be a strong enough player for their group, I agreed to do this.   I have been working feverishly on the ten songs of the program that they have been practicing for many months.  I have been able to attend the last two of their rehearsals before the concert which is tomorrow.  It was hard coming into the group so late, and it was a struggle to play in rehearsal with their already high degree of polish.   But, I think I am doing at least "ok" (I hope).

But, due to the timing of the concert, I have had to go to Saturday evening Mass this week, so I thought I would write about thoughts today too, since I just got out of Mass.  While there were many ideas I heard, the one part of the readings that really resonated with me was very simple:

“Rise, and do not be afraid.”

I believe it struck me and resonated with me in part because I had been thinking about my fears a lot again since Lent started.   I admit I am a fearful person.   I cannot deny that, but at the same time, I cannot let fears and anxiety prevent me from trying to be the person I should be.  Being afraid is not a valid excuse for not trying, for not working hard.  In some ways, this recognition is helpful to me, for when fears do enter my mind, the idea of admitting their existence in me BUT at the same time being able to recognize that I still have work to do, have responsibilities to take care of, still have people counting on me.... helps me to keep those fears in their place and helps me to be less likely to succumb to wallowing in them.  Bob Dufford's lyrics in "Be Not Afraid" further helped to reinforce this idea for me at Mass. And, I also thought of Pat's comment to me as well, it is helpful to, when possible, meet fears head-on.

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The Pipe Shop

As I mentioned a few days ago... I have a research talk to give in not too many days in the future, that is at a research convention I regularly attend.   And, at this location there is an absolutely wonderful pipe shop that I have frequented regularly when I go to this meeting.  When I first thought of this idea a few days ago, I was feeling quite nostalgic about the place and the many, many hours I had spent there over the years.   And it gave me the idea to ponder about *if* there is a way for me to truthfully be an occasional pipe smoker? 

My thought is/was to potentially pack one pipe with me and to even have the bowl filled with a beautiful burley leaf and take it with me.  My thought is that I could take some time to walk around the store, and smoke my pipe, and chat with the folks during a break period in the course of the meeting.  I would not bring any other pipe tobacco with me, and perhaps not even a lighter... so that I would need to use the ubiquitous wooden matches that are sitting by each ashtray in the shop. I would then stop after the one bowlful and return back to the meeting. 

It feels exciting and invigorating to image this adventure.   Not really sure if I should or if I will do so... but it is giving my mind some pleasant thoughts and the anticipation is very enjoyable. 

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Plumbing Peculiarities

While I kind of, generally know how to do some basic plumbing repair.... I will not attempt ANY actual plumbing repair if it is required on the second story of our home.   Recently, one of the float systems in an upstairs toilet started to fail.  It was not a simple, traditional float system with the giant ball-like float that cantilevers over to one side in the holding tank, but instead was of the more complex  "Fluidmaster" type shown in the image above. 

Technically, I *know* how to replace the beast.... but... with it being on the second floor.... I feel more comfortable having a real plumber come in and fix it.  If this were to have happened on our first floor toilet, I would have done the work.... and I have done so in the past.  But the worry... and the stress of the worry about my efforts not being completely perfect, and the damn toilet overflowing and the images of water cascading down the stairs, and water soaking and eventually causing collapse of the first floor ceilings.... make the plumber's charge a small price to pay for a significant reduction (not elimination) of that fear.  

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320

I just checked back in my log, and I found that I have ran 320 miles (~515km) so far in 2020.  I figured I should be close to that, as I ran roughly 1,800 miles (~2,900 km) in 2019. That means I have somewhere between 1,000 & 1,100 miles on my running shoes from when I purchased the damn expensive things last Summer.

"Experts" suggest that you should buy new running shoes every 500 miles or so... but, damn-it-to-hell, paying $120+ for a pair of running shoes sticks in my craw.   They are BY FAR the most expensive shoes that I own.  And, I treat them like royalty.  I never wear them EXCEPT when running, and if it is especially wet or rainy, I have my old pair (with ~1,800 miles on them) to wear in inclement weather of that sort. 

I started my running efforts using a "normal" pair of running shoes that I just bought from a department store.... but I think it was four Summers ago, my wife convinced (demanded?) that I go to a running store for a professional fitting and advice about what I should wear.  It was enormously difficult for me to wrench open my wallet when they told me the price of those first foot-beasts.   But my wife is correct in that at my age, I need to be careful and protective.

Not really sure why I free-formed into a discussion about the price of shoes.   I really meant to just focus on hitting 320 already and we are barely into March.

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North By Northwest

My wife and I, this past Sunday, were able to watch this classic Alfred Hitchcock film on the big screen at our local theater.  It is such a wonderful film, and I had never seen the film in its entirety before, having caught bits and pieces of it over the years when it has played on television.  Seeing it also, larger than life, on a real movie screen enhanced everything about the experience. 

It was and is a true gem.  Eva Marie Saint was so very excellent in her role.   Cary Grant was, of course, good.  Martin Landau was so surprisingly recognizable, even though he was exceptionally young in this film.  I loved the filming style of Hitchcock in this film.   The film stock gave the images a more than realistic vividness and saturation which I always find so pleasant and so philosophically of the time period (it was the film stock type that predominated color films of the mid 1950s until the end of the 1960s).  Even the opening credits were pure beauty in that 50s-60s style.   The opening scene of the film focused on the reflection of city traffic as seen through reflections in the office windows of a modern, glass skyscraper.   Absolutely beautiful and transfixing.

There was even a pipe smoking professor in the film. Leo G. Carroll was excellent in his role as the CIA/FBI head honcho guiding most things behind the scenes as a wise professor.

A suspense film that makes most films over the last 30 years pale in comparison.  

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Monday

Pat mentioned the idea of confronting one's fear in a comment to me yesterday. This is very strong advice. 

When a person has fear that can be acted upon, it *is* indeed important to try to confront that fear and do what *can* be done to allay that fear.   Avoiding avoidance is key to that concept, and I do try to enact that as much as I can.

The adage of "A coward dies a thousand deaths, while a valiant man dies but once" has a *bit* of truth to it.  Yet, truth-be-told, I suspect most "valiant men" are valiant on in a facade.  That, or they have figured out a way to not *think* about the intangible, non-confrontable, non-mutable fears that a person cannot change.  In reality, a person can ONLY change his/herself and (at least for me) there are some thoughts that bring about fear.... and since they are immutable.... they are not confrontable, and the best I can seem to muster is to sometimes ignore them. 

* * * * *

A bright spot yesterday was that my wife scheduled and reserved a spot for our annual camping trip.  It shall be somewhat around the early part of July.   It has been a reliably wonderful time of family and friends and it gave me considerable comfort to think about and image the warm Summer breezes, the unique foods we only eat while camping, the lack of electronics, the more intimate nature of all of our interactions, and the feeling of being more whole. 

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Mass Thoughts

In mass, both in the readings and in one of the songs (Michael Joncas' "On Eagles Wings"), the following passage resonated especially deeply with me today:

He will command his angels concerning you
and with their hands they will support you,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.”

For me, both the passage and the song speak to me about a failure I so often have.   This failure is in my grave difficulty in working to let go of my fear.  The passage and especially the song using this passage so strongly speak to me about my need to let go of my fear. 

Even though I *try* to keep a strong facade, with a brave face in most of my day-to-day interactions at work and even at home..... as I am supposed to be the "strong" husband, parent, sibling, worker, helper, etc..... truth-be-told.... inside me... deep in my soul.... I am a very fearful, very scared individual.  Fear of loss, fear of illness, fear of eventual death, fear of loss of loved ones, fear of being destitute, fear of disease... all of these fears and many more swirl in my mind more than I would like.  
The passage and the song speak to me of the focus I should have.  I should be able to ignore my fear or work to bypass my fear with the understanding that all will be as it is intended to be. 

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