List

 

 A bulleted list for today:

• On Memorial Day, I felt a need to "get out some stress" and "to feel accomplished about at least one thing" and so I ran 18 miles (~29 km) which is a new "longest distance" I have ever ran in a single run.  
• Besides my typical praying of the rosary and listening to a Capuchin Mass as I run, I also spent time thinking about and remembering all the deceased relatives, friends, mentors. and guides who had a strong impact on my life.  This included my parents, my father-in-law, four uncles, three aunts, a cousin, a niece, six close friends, my grandparents, four priests, and my two educational mentors.
  
• I also took time to think about the three especially important deceased relatives of mine who served in the military.... my Dad (WWII), my cousin Earl (WWII) and my Father-in-Law (Korea).  
• My wife and son both are now testing negative, and I have remained negative for the damnable Covid-19.  They both seem to have recovered physically.  My wife, though, now has a rather severe skin infection that has me worried due to her diabetes, and my fears about her being at risk for sepsis.  I am quite concerned about this. There is nothing I have read that makes me think this is Covid related.  But, is very likely a result of  her less than successful regulation of glucose. 
  
• With the negative tests, we were able to eat (outside) with my mother-in-law and my wife's siblings for Memorial Day.  While I am not typically all that fond of grilled meat, I ended up eating not just ONE, but TWO chicken drumsticks (BBQ sauced).  They were rather tasty.  I may have been extra hungry after my 18 miles. :)  
• Because of very early work at the U today, I could only get in 8 miles (~13 km) before I had to stop so I had enough time to get the U ahead of my 8am class.  
• I have a bunch of applicants from students for a paid student research position I have that will begin this Summer.  I am going to work on setting up interviews for these students.  I may do them on Zoom, to make it easier, but I am not sure.  
• Over the weekend, I actually had three different dreams that I remembered!  
• One was a nightmare I have had for decades.... it is a dream where it is the modern day (2022 for instance) and I suddenly "realize" that I a) somehow did not complete my Ph.D. and now I will get fired from the U and b) I never stopped the lease on the apartment I had been renting when I was a graduate student many, many decades ago. The loss of my job, and the multiple decades of rent payments I owe....have had me in previous experiences of this dream....  typically wake up fully soaked in sweat and anxiety, and this time was no exception.  
• The second was a dream where I was in my teen-aged years and was at a Coney Island restaurant with my Dad.  We had a bit of a ritual during a few years when I was a teen where we would go there, just the two of us and eat two Coney Dogs each and share an order of fries, drinking mugs of root beer.  We did this pretty much every other week for four years or so until I had to go to college.  We then would continue the tradition when possible when I was able to be home thereafter.  The dream was wonderful and felt so vivid and real.  
• The third dream was brief, but was recalling a time when I was a new, still "wet-behind-the ears" professor, many decades ago, and I was at a research meeting in Boston, and during some down time, I visited the famous Leavitt & Pierce Tobacco shop, and spent much of an afternoon there.  This dream too, was again as vivid as if it were happening right now.

PipeTobacco

Five Stages of Grief

Psychologists talk about there being five stages of grief:

1.  denial

2.  anger

3.  bargaining

4.  depression

5.  acceptance 

Yet, it is not that these five stages occur in a specific order.  It is sometimes the case for folks that the order DOES occur consecutively as shown above, but there are variations.  Sometimes people can move back and forth between stages, and sometimes stages may be skipped in certain instances.  Also, at times, a person may become stuck in one or more stages.  

All of us have grief of varying sorts.  Some forms of grief may be more extensive than others.  In my recent past, I can identify five significant areas of grief:

a)  The suicide of my close friend/colleague about two years ago. His office was only a few doors from mine  I believe I am mostly in the acceptance phase with regards to this.

b) The unexpected passing of another close friend/colleague about 1.5 years ago, due to a heart attack.  Again, I believe I am mostly in the acceptance phase with regards to this.

c)  The additional, unexpected passing of another very close friend/colleague about 1 year ago, also due to a heart attack.  His office was next to mine. Again, I believe I am mostly in the acceptance phase with regards to this.

d)  The very significant personal grief I have experienced from the actions of the two colleagues I have written about many, many times..... the one who is a person I dislike very intensely, and the other is a former close friend.   In this case, I think I have been alternating between anger and depression about this situation for a very long time, but I believe I have been moving during the last few months towards more of the acceptance stage.  The number of times I have been angry/depressed about those two HAS diminished a fairly significant amount.  I do not think I am fully in the acceptance phase, but it is an improvement.

e)  The very significant personal grief I have experienced from the actions and choices by the person whom I do not write about here any longer.  Surprisingly, I feel in this regard, I ALSO have been able to move considerably towards acceptance.  I am not yet always in the acceptance phase with regards to this person, but I am feeling calmer and less continually in grief about this person's choices.  

* * * * *

But, as you may have gathered from my last several posts.... I am pretty damn agitated right now and have two additions to my "grief plate".  But, I did not directly write about them Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, because my feelings of anger, grief, anxiety, and sadness were SO, SO very strong.  I feel I am in a state of being "resigned" at the moment.  Being resigned is, I guess a form of acceptance.   With my resgination, however, there is also a lack of "descriptors" at the tip of my tongue, so I guess it is just the facts (and not so much my emotion) as I list these two new "items":

1.  My wife and my youngest son (who lives at home) both tested positive for Covid-19.  This occurred during the weekend, hence my discovery of and subsequent post about the damnable CDC.  My wife initially experienced a bit of shortness of breath, but that seems to have diminished.  My youngest son has experienced tiredness, but that has subsided.  Thus far, I have tested NEGATIVE with two different tests days apart.  I hope I stay negative.  All of us are fully vaccinated and boosted.  

2.  I mentioned about a year ago how ANOTHER of my close friend/colleague (His office was two doors from mine.) experienced a debilitating stroke.  Unfortunately, that stroke severely affected his thought processes, and he had to be moved to an assisted living establishment.  Equally unfortunately, his affected thought processes became thoughts of suicide and he was institutionalized (no visitors allowed) for the last four months.  He was put through a battery of trials of various psychotropic medications and only was released back to assisted living about a week and a half ago.  I had wanted to visit him to be able to talk together again.  With the Covid situation at home, I did not visit due to the risk of me converting to being Covid positive.  Unfortunately, we received word on Tuesday, that he had died in his sleep the evening before (presumably of a heart attack).  

So.  That is about it.

PipeTobacco

Anger & Despondency

 

I am filled with anger and despondency at the moment.  However, I cannot figure out how to write out my feelings at the moment, nor am I even sure of all that I am feeling.  I will have to let it percolate for a while as I try to sort things out.  Maybe tomorrow I can talk about it.  But, I am not sure.

Therefore, a banal post of bulleted list thoughts that careen through my mind:

• I ran 11.1 miles (~18km) this morning.

• Politics is such a damn, dirty game.  With the tragedies yesterday and last week (the mass shootings in Texas and in Buffalo), I see almost no sincere compassion from any of the politicians.... even the Democrats whose ideas I tend to agree with.  All I see is pure manipulation by politicians on both sides to USE folk's emotions to try to attain and wield more power.  It is disgusting.

• I was wasting time perusing some vehicles on-line again.  I know I am not going to be buying ANYTHING anytime soon, but I do keep looking.  I was looking at several vehicles of potential interest, and due to the chip "shortage" which I think is at this point in time, purposeful.... a typical pricing of vehicles I was looking at ran akin to something of this sort:

NEW 2018 Vehicle, Sticker Price when new = $29,965.00

Price of SAME vehicle in 2022, (hence 4 years old) with 57,000 miles (~92,000km) = $26,999

There is no way in hell I would pay that price for a used car with that many miles (when compared to the original new price shown).  But, currently all used cars are pretty similar in that stratospheric price range, due to the chip "shortage".  Typically, such a vehicle would normally be falling in the price range of ~$12,000 - $14,000 at this point.  I suspect, with the predicted chip "shortage" potentially abating by early 2023.... that then used car prices will then plummet back to more typical ranges.

• Sometimes it is hard to feel there is a purpose for us as individuals in life.  On good, and also on average days, I can see my purpose is to love, and my purpose is to serve others.  But, some days, like today, it is hard to feel or believe in these purposes.

• I may stop on my way home from the U at the ice cream shoppe.  If I do, I may bring my wife a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream (which I utterly abhor, but she has always held as her favorite).  If I do this, I may get myself either Moose Tracks or Bear Claw.  
  

PipeTobacco

Aggitated

 

Feeling agitated.  Trying to work on calming myself down.  Not really externally....  Externally, I display a "mask" of normalcy, where I can appear my regular self, albeit probably a bit "tired" looking.  However, internally, I feel awash in emotions, stressors, anger, resentment, and anxiety.  I am trying all the techniques I know to dissipate these feelings.  I ran 11 miles (~18km) this morning before heading to the U to teach.  Yesterday, I ran 14.1 miles (~23km).  I am trying to flush out the stress hormones in my body by drinking huge amounts of water.  I am trying slow, deep breathing exercises.  It is difficult to keep up the facade.  Eventually, though, I know I will end up moving towards feeling calmer.  

If it happened to be 1,561 days ago, I would be vigorously smoking my pipe to try to help settle my nerves.  Today marks the 1,560th day I have refrained from my beloved pipes and pipe tobaccos.  Honestly, I do not know if they would actually help today.  But.... I equally do know they would not hurt.  In some ways, my pipes and pipe tobaccos provided a more "fun" way to practice slow, deep-breathing exercises, I guess. It does sound so inviting to have a pipe right now. 

Another thought for coping I had was if I felt like this in the late afternoon, I wouldn't be opposed to having a few stiff drinks.  The two problems with that approach are a) drinking isn't fun without a drinking buddy, and b) drinking isn't any fun without a pipe.  

Another thought of method to cope is to go to sleep.  Even if the sleep would be tumultuous, it would be a way to be "away" from the emotional turbulence I am feeling in the awake state.  Yet, a full day teaching at the U beckons and sleep is not an option either.  

My only viable option currently is to live with it, and to wait it out.

This is not my favorite day.

PipeTobacco  

Damnable Lying CDC

 

I must say I am extremely angry at the political machine that I USED TO BELIEVE was a institution of science and something you could have faith in.... the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC).  

This is the article, in Fortune, that shocked me into the realization that the CDC is just a corrupt and politically driven institution as any we have seen in our "fair" nation:

"The U.S. is in a sixth COVID wave—but it doesn’t look like it on a new CDC map"

 

(Note.... the article keeps disappearing and reappearing.  If the above link does not work, try this one for access to the full article. If neither link works, copy the title of the article above and put it a search engine.... it is an article in Fortune magazine.)

 

From this article, something I had been wondering about for quite some time, was revealed clearly for me for the first time:

 

The CDC changed the metrics of the data for which they reported the COVID-19 levels.  The maps that have been widely reported and shown everywhere have been based on hospital capacity.... meaning very simply that the hospitals in the region have beds available in sufficient numbers for folks with COVID who need hospitalization. These have been the data the corrupt, dishonest CDC has been using to create the nearly all "green" maps they have been promoting SINCE FEBRUARY!!!!!!!!!   The POLITICAL IDEA is to then tell anyone living in a green or yellow county that they can leave their masks at home when going out and about.  So, the show maps like this: 

 

 

 

 

 

The above map, shows MOSTLY all GREEN for "community levels" of Covid-19.  This map has been MOSTLY GREEN for several MONTHS now, with gradual yellow and orange colors appearing slowly over the last month or so especially in the northeastern US.  

 

So, from the above, it looks like things are relatively "hunky-dory" (in case my euphemism isn't well known, that means.... everything is doing pretty well overall) doesn't it?  

What the lying scum of the CDC didn't clearly state is that they CHANGED THEIR METRIC FOR REPORTING THIS GRAPHIC INFORMATION in February. 

 

But..... PRIOR TO FEBRUARY, however, community level maps were based on the amount of virus spread and the percent of COVID tests returning positive.

Here is the same map of the U.S..... but now it is reporting the same type of data that the CDC was reporting in January and earlier maps:

 

 

 

In the above map, we see the map using the type of data that was used BEFORE a few months ago when the damnable CDC decided to switch metrics. 

Some important quotes from the article:

"The U.S. is experiencing a sixth wave of COVID, with over 90,000 confirmed new cases a day and a 20% increase in hospitalizations over the past two weeks. The actual number of new cases per day likely sits at a half million or more, "far greater than any of the U.S. prior waves, except Omicron," writes Dr. Eric Topol, the executive vice president of Scripps Research and a professor of molecular medicine, in a post on the maps.

Meanwhile, the CDC propagates delusional thinking that community levels are very low while the real and important data convey that transmission is very high throughout most of the country. Not only does this further beget cases by instilling false confidence, but it is conveniently feeding the myth that the pandemic is over—precisely what everyone wants to believe."

We are in the midst of a sixth wave of this damnable pathogen, and there is no guidance of any merit from the agency we are SUPPOSED to be able to count on to give us the information to try to live as safely as possible.   

With these numbers as reported by the SECOND GRAPH, we SHOULD be masking in all enclosed spaces.  We should be very vigilant about our safety protocols in the workplace.  Our national, state, and local governments should be reinstating mask mandates.  But.... NO ONE IS DOING A DAMN THING.  A lot of folks think everything is FINE AND GOOD because the widely published map (Graph 1) shows everything is GREAT, everything is FINE.  And, I suspect.... both damn political parties WANT IT THAT WAY because this is an "important" mid-term election year, and they both are vying to try to wrangle more power..... and who the hell cares if there are more Covid-19 deaths or more debilitating Covid-19 disease?  

I am so angry and frustrated.  I will never trust the CDC again, and I despise both political parties.  

PipeTobacco
 

Tired

I was feeling VERY tired this morning, and with the rain that was falling, the stronger than desired winds, and the 48 degree temperature (9 C), I did NOT get up to run.  The fellows face in the image above speaks to me of the tiredness I feel.  And yet, my lackluster laziness is bound to be my downfall in life.  My loutish lack of getting up when I damn well knew I should now is biting me in the posterior hindquarters..... because I NOW have to figure out WHEN to get the miles in after work.  This.... having the miles unaccomplished... makes me feel tired also. 

We had, and I had to run, the Parish Council meeting yesterday evening.  The meeting itself was ok.  It was nice to see folks.  We discussed some minor renovations we are hoping to create a fund for in our parish. Much of it relates to maintenance work on the more than 100-year old stained glass windows, but there are some other facets of renovation as well.   The struggle I had yesterday though, was that the meeting STARTED late in the day (7:30pm), and by that time of the evening, the last thing I feel "enthused" about doing is having a meeting.  I had not gotten to eat dinner either, so I was hungry, and  foolishly ate two (very tasty) but really unhealthy cookies at the meeting.  I did not get home until 9:30, and was feeling ornery, hungry, and exhausted.  

My "Unknown" commenter friend, yesterday asked me "Wouldn't it be wasteful to order the intriguing new blend and let it sit unused?" in reference to my contemplating ordering the beautiful sounding pipe tobacco blend that had a mixture of Zimbabwean and from Malawian pipe tobaccos and fruit essences.  

I guess, the simple answer to my friend is..... unfortunately.... YES.  It would be wasteful.  That is in part why I hem-and-haw about the IDEA of purchasing a few ounces.  I keep imagining I would love to smell the pipe tobacco in the pouch.  But, truthfully, that is rather wasteful.  I would love to smoke this blend, actually.  But, I am not really sure of my resolve and ability to rejoin the beloved pursuit in an appropriate fashion either.    

PipeTobacco

Not A Lot of Traffic

It happens occasionally, and it appears that now is one of those times.... the amount of visits to my blog have gone down considerably in the last week.  Interestingly, I also noticed a road traffic decline that has occurred the last few days in my region as well.  This morning, for instance, the relatively short period of time when I was running on sidewalk associated with a typically heavy traffic road... there were virtually no vehicles.  I have also noticed a decline in postings by the various friends whose blogs I visit and comment upon as well.  

I have noticed these ups and downs before.  I am thinking the blog traffic/writing decline is mostly related to the time of the year (Spring, when many folks are more attuned to outdoor activity), and I am suspicious that the lower vehicular traffic may be due to the stiff price of gasoline currently ($4.67/gallon ~$1.23/liter).

Because yesterday I was only able to get in 7.5 miles before I had to get to the U, today, with a more leisurely start time at the U for me (9:00am), I ran 13.1 miles (~21 km), which is a "1/2 Marathon" length to compensate for yesterday's small showing.  And, this means I am about 4 miles (~6.5 km) ahead of where I typically like to be in order to hit my miles goal for the week.  Having that cushion feels comforting.  

I am surprised, yet also not surprised that many of the "Trump endorsed" candidates running in the primaries for this year's mid-term elections have won their seat. At one level it is discouraging that so many folks are so in lockstep with Donald Trump.... that "base" of folks are in my mind, quite frightening in their "logic" and "thinking" processes.  In another level, however, it *could* potentially be beneficial for the elections if the Republican party keeps being so "split apart"..... into "Trumpers" and "relatively more traditional Republicans".... because it could help the Democrats retain (and potentially gain?) seats in the midterm elections.

I keep looking at that pipe tobacco I found online containing two different forms of pipe tobacco (from Zimbabwe and from Malawi)  in the blend.  It just intrigues me greatly.  I keep debating whether to order a few ounces.   

PipeTobacco

Candy

I was only able to get in 7.5 miles (~12 km) this morning, as I had to be at the U before 8:00 am. and I did not awaken until 5:10am.  Luckily I have some "cushion" with the 17 miles I ran yesterday.

I have been feeling in a "sweet tooth" sort of mood the last few days.  I have been craving my favorite, super sweet candies..... a) jelly beans, and b) candy corn (more specifically the especially plump mellocreme pumpkins).  It is near Easter still, so it is no surprise I have jellybeans, but I also DO have candy corn (mellocreme pumpkins) because I know that I will miss them during the off season, and so I always buy a few extra bags to fill the need throughout the year.  

Still debating if I should order the pipe tobacco I spoke of yesterday, or if it is just too damn foolish for words for me to do that.  

PipeTobacco 

Ok.

 

The weekend was generally "better" than was Friday.  My wife and I went SWIMMING together.  We were able to go at a time where there was few folks there (only three other people besides the life guard) so we felt "relatively" Covid safe.  

We also decided to see an afternoon film at the theater (with masks on)!  We watched "Jayeshbhai Jordaar" which is an Indian (Hindi-language) dramedy.  If the term "dramedy" is too old school, because I am not sure if folks use that term anymore.... it is a film that is a mix of both comedy and drama.  

Both my wife and thoroughly enjoyed this film!  We both awarded it an "A" grade!  Bollywood films are so often very fresh and interesting and exciting.  In the following, I have linked to a YouTube video of one of the songs in this film, and also to the official movie trailer.  Each video gives you a nice (albeit a bit stylized) impression of the film:

"Firecracker" theme song of the film Jayeshbhai Jordaar

Jayeshbhai Jordaar official movie trailer

The film has some over-the-top comedy moments, but is also a very heartwarming story of family and love and kindness.  It is a truly feel-good film.  I was especially excited to see it on opening weekend.  We do not often get Bollywood films on their official release weekend!

* * * * * 

This morning, I decided to push myself, and I ran 17 miles (~27.5 km).... a new record for me in a single run.  I am a bit tired, but pretty damn happy that I was able to do this.  I am drinking an especially large amount of water today to draw out any lactic acid buildup that may have occurred from this new, longer distance.  And, I also allowed myself one asprin tablet when I arrived at the U. 

I happened to be walking across campus this morning, when a fellow professor who I haven't seen in a few years (he is in Economics, which is way-the-hell diametrically opposed to where my habitat is on campus, and he is no longer on the committee we were both involved in where I would regularly see him) "recognized" me.  He seemed startled/amazed at big/bushy beard and mustache and was saying he didn't recognize me at first.  He liked the "bushier" look and then asked how my wife likes it.  I grinned, and said that she "tolerates" it.  

I still do find it funny.... I have worn a beard for many decades.  And, as I have mentioned here before, neither my wife nor kids have ever seen me without a beard/mustache.  In fact, I think now.... that perhaps the only two LIVING folks who HAVE seen me without my beard/mustache are  my two sisters.  But, for most of those decades, I did keep it rather short (probably between 3/4 inch to 1 inch).  Apparently, the "bigger" look, however, is much more noticeable/noteworthy.  

* * * * * 

I spent a bit of time perusing some pipe shops online when I was feeling glum on Friday.  I was feeling quite a desire to buy one particular Dublin shaped pipe I saw.  And, at another site, I was looking at some of the pipe tobacco blends that they had.  One was was especially intriguing to me.  It was called Peter's Pleasure and was described as "made from the flue-cured tobaccos of Zimbabwe and Malawi, with the addition of Black Cavendish and mild Burley tobaccos. Fruit and vanilla flavoring awaken this mild bend’s outstanding taste and aroma."  The idea of trying tobacco from Zimbabwe and/or Malawi was very exciting.  And the mixture of some fruit and vanilla flavorings.... it makes me want to order a few ounces.  

Yet, it seems foolish as hell to buy a pipe or some pipe tobacco when I am currently refraining from smoking my own very abundant array of pipes and pipe tobaccos.  So, I am kind of feeling like a schmo about this, but I really would like to order one or both items (especially the pipe tobacco).  I do not know what I will do however.

PipeTobacco

 

Sour

I am unfortunately in a bit of a sour frame of mind at the moment.  I am thinking my frame of mind is a result of this week proceeding in a different fashion than I had envisioned.  

With me transitioning into the Summer sessions at the U, I typically have the expectation that things quiet down a bit.  I am teaching less, there are fewer students about, the parking lots are more sparsely populated, and just in general the U is quieter and calmer.  Do not get me wrong, I like the hustle and bustle of the normal semesters as well, but it is always a nice reprieve to have a period that is more subdued.  

Campus IS more quiet, so that is as expected.  But, at the same time, I also look forward to this time of the year to be generally more relaxed and allowing of a bit more "play".  My wife and I both were thinking we were going to be able to spend considerably more time together this week.  Unfortunately, the opposite has occurred.... A) my wife's work had several unexpected add-on meetings throughout the week, B) as you know from my earlier post this week, we were both feeling a lot of emotional after-effects from the less than stellar Mother's Day, and C) my own, planned-for classroom preparation went more slowly than I had hoped.  All-in-all.... the week has felt like a constant barrage of unremitting pressure.... and for far too many days this week, my wife and I did not get a chance to sit down and relax (and eat) with each other till after 9pm in the evening.  This sort of schedule is not conducive to having a feeling of "togetherness" or of relaxation, nor of a gleeful, "romantic-comedy-esque" sort of  happy ending to the week.  Instead, it just feels lonely.  

I am *trying* to keep a stiff upper lip (which you cannot see to confirm, because my upper lip is hidden under my mustache) about the whole thing.  I am hoping and anticipating that we will get to spend more time together this weekend and next week as well.  But right now, I feel lonely, blah, and uninspired.  I even tried to buoy my spirits for a while this morning, by daydreaming about smoking my pipes and pipe tobaccos.... but to no avail.... there was no change in my spirit.

PipeTobacco

Slovenly

 

Argh.  I again slept longer than I had planned to this morning, and as a result I was only able to get in 7 miles (~11 km) before I HAD to stop so I would have enough time to get ready for a very early appointment at the U.  I had PLANNED on getting up by 4:30am, and hitting the trail by 4:45am.  Instead, I didn't get to the trail until about 5:50am.  I may need to try to run more miles at the end of the day (sigh).

Due to the computer chip shortage, used car/vehicle prices are outlandish.  I have been casually looking around a bit, and it is obnoxious to see people buying 3 & 4 year old USED CARS with up to 50,000 miles (~ 80,000 km) on the odometer.... selling for 95% - 100% of the original NEW CAR PRICE!!!!!! It is insanity.  I will not be acquiring a different vehicle anytime soon.  From what I have read, the predicted end to the chip shortage should begin around October, and it is anticipated that used vehicle prices will plummet back to their more typical prices in the early part of 2023.  

There is a wind ensemble concert going on tonight at the U.  My wife and I have tickets, but unfortunately, my wife now has a last minute, work-related thing she has to attend instead.  I will still likely go to the concert, but it will not be as enjoyable without her.  

Since my wife is not currently pursuing her goals of working to improve her Type 2 Diabetes,  we splurged last night and went to an ice cream shop and we each had a bowl of ice cream.  I had mine be 1/2 Moose Tracks and 1/2 Bear Claw.  My wife had Mint Chocolate Chip.  

It used to be a very common movie trope where a person would have a "condition" where they would become a "sleep walker"...  and the person would move around and talk and interact with folks during the night and not be cognizant of their actions or behaviors in the morning (I saw a version of this while watching an old movie on television last evening).  While running this morning, I was imagining what it would be like if I were to develop the "condition" of theoretically becoming a "sleep pipe smoker". While there is really no such thing.... the idea of developing into one sounds fun, enjoyable, and could make really good fodder for a mystery (book or film).  The thought of becoming a "sleep pipe smoker" amused me.  

PipeTobacco

Just Because

 

Yesterday (Tuesday), I woke up later than I had wanted, so I only ran 8 miles (~13 km) before I had to stop so I could get to the U on time.   So, with a more flexible morning today, I tried to make up for the number yesterday by running 15 miles (~24 km) this morning.  This allows me to today be a few miles ahead of my daily target in order to reach my weekly goal of 55 miles (~89 km).  

I have to admit, the long 15 mile run was rather exhausting today since I had ran ~16 miles on Monday.  Those are VERY long distances for me.

Since I was running on very smooth pavement, I could afford myself the opportunity to daydream a bit.  In terms of my daydream's focus this morning... somehow my mind chose to remember and reminisce the sheer delight of smoking a bowlful of a very old-fashioned, cube-cut, "corner pharmacy staple" type of pipe tobacco, called "Sir Walter Raleigh".  

Sir Walter Raleigh was one of TWO staple pipe tobaccos my Dad always had, and Sir Walter Raleigh was the very first pipe tobacco I tried, oh so long ago as a kid.  I can still conger up the memory of quietly going to the kitchen cupboard where my Dad kept his one pound canister of either Sir Walter Raleigh or Prince Albert Pipe Tobacco.  When I first quietly "borrowed" a bit of his pipe tobacco, the can present was of Sir Walter Raleigh.   

But in my imagination this morning, I was focusing on the feel, the tastes, the textures, and the beautiful physicality of indulging in a bowl of this simple, but blissfully pleasant pipe tobacco.  Being a cube-cut, instead of the more common "shag" style (little ribbons), the cube-cut leaf looks like a bunch of very small..... cubes.... about 2-3mm in diameter.  In my mind, cube-cut pipe tobaccos are especially nice because they offer a more uniform surface to ignite than do shag cut pipe tobaccos.  I can remember peering into the bowl after lighting, and the beautifully white ash atop of the ember would often look a bit like a snowy mountain due to the cube cut nature.  The smoke produced from Sir Walter Raleigh (SWR) also was especially noteworthy to me, because it always felt more palpable, more dense and substantial.  It is somewhat hard to describe, but the smoke had a beautifully "chalky" aspect to it as well.  And, its flavor.... mostly pure, simple burley leaf, but with gentle hints of bourbon and molasses to give it a sweetness as well. Drawing in the richly chalky, flavorful smoke would provide a nearly indescribable sense  calmness and feelings of  composure, tranquility, patience and satisfaction.  Just... so very beautiful.  

I have probably at least 40 of the big old pound sized cans (empty of pipe tobacco) in my garage and in my workroom in the basement, holding all sorts of odd and ends from over the years and decades. I have undoubtedly thrown many others away over the years and decades as well.   One is filled with old nuts and screws and bolts that I would extract from items I would dismantle as I prepared to throw something broken away.  Others are filled with a myriad of other things.  The very traditional color scheme of an "orange-ish-red" background with 'ole Sir Walter himself and print on the can in a blue-grey, nearly black hue is such a color scheme of its origins.   It is a very fitting look.  

My pound can of SWR that was my active can when I began to refrain is still approximately 1/2 full of the illustrious leaf.  I opened the canister up the other day to waft in some of its gentle aroma.  

PipeTobacco   

A Squealing Penny

 

Pat asked the other day if I am going to have my Summer off... or if I am teaching.  The short answer is, I am getting ready for the start of my accelerated Summer session.  But, thinking of Pat's question, gave me reason to ponder further:

We are not required to teach in either of the two Summer sessions that the U has.  But, we may do so if desired.  In the many decades I have been at the U, I have NEVER forgone the opportunity to earn extra pay by teaching in a Summer session.  It never even really occurred to me to NOT pick up a class.  

Now, my parents were both significantly impacted by the Great Depression.  Both were born ahead of its start, and both experienced their latter childhood and young adulthood during the Great Depression.  This lead both of them to be financially careful in life.  And, they also attempted to instill in their offspring, the value of being careful and wise about money.  

I took my parent's concerns about finances to heart, myself.  I have always been a frugal.  I am often times thought of as being quite a bit of a penny-pincher.  I am not really sure if my frugality is a good thing or not, but I accept that is how I am and I suspect I will always be.  

One of my sisters, by contrast, has lived a life fairly close to "polar opposite" to my parent's suggested carefulness about money.  This sister would spend freely, and often, and often without thought.  And, she and her husband always had considerable credit card debt and loans for the very many new vehicles they drove, and always bought the "trendy" newest gizmos and things nearly the second they were produced.  My sister's husband eventually had an affair, and they divorced, my sister was able to receive an annulment, and eventually remarried a nicer fellow who is generally more frugal, even though she likes to try to get him to spend more freely.  

So, to the point of Pat's question.... yes, I am teaching this Summer.  In THEORY, I think our retirement "portfolio" is probably pretty "ok", and I do try to do all the things recommended by the U's retirement consultants plus a bit more.  But I try to not think about it much because I have a tendency to imagine apocalyptic sorts of scenarios about it.... imagining all sorts of potential plagues (ha), depressions, inflationary spirals, and health care implosions that could easily cause us to become destitute and homeless in old age.  It is unfortunately a way that I am "wired" I guess.  Instead, my wife, who is more comfortable with those sorts of things, acts as our official "overseer" of these matters about retirement, and she will on an occasional basis attempt to reassure me that things are "fine".  

The penny-pinching fear/anxiety is probably a significant part of why I have only ONE TIME purchased a new vehicle (all others have been used.... and the one new one I bought long ago.... I regretted, not because it wasn't nice, but because I felt I squandered away hard earned funds on something utterly frivolous.  It is why I comparison shop exhaustively for damn near anything I buy.  I will gladly buy and wear used clothes at rummage sales, Goodwill, etc.  

PipeTobacco

Out and About

 

I decided to "bite the bear" this morning and I went running for 16.1 miles (~26 km) this morning.  Only ~ 2 miles (~3.2 km) was on sidewalk that I had to be gingerly careful watching.  The rest was on a newly paved trail that was pleasantly smooth and devoid of cracks and pavement upheavals.  It was actually quite nice to run through woods and fields in the very early morning daylight.  I started at 6:15 am.  

My suggestion of "biting the bear" in the above is an attempt to play off of my tumble last week.  Tomorrow I will be having the stitches removed.  "Biting the bear" to me symbolizes that I am trying to a) be more careful and cognizant when I am running on sidewalks to avoid tripping, and b) that I am forcing myself back into running in places beyond the simple loop that is very safe for me.... but not very interesting or motivating.  Running to more distant areas and new areas I have not ran is quite enjoyable and I think it is good for my emotional well-being.

The person I attempt to not write about here was unpleasant to my wife (and me) this weekend, and the unpleasantness really affected my wife emotionally, especially since yesterday was Mother's Day.  I was emotionally hurt too, but I have ended up taking it as "par for the course" if you get what I mean.  My wife is still hurting quite a bit.  I have tried to be there for her as best as I can figure out how, but unfortunately her emotions about the matter have had her respond in a brusque fashion to me, and that typically means I need to "back off" a bit myself, so in effect, I feel rather lonely.  

I am not having any real "yearnings" (deep, intense desires) to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos today.  That is not to say I haven't been thinking about them, for I have.  Thinking about them feels somehow "happy" in a way.  Imagining smoking them feels "pleasant" and the act of imagining this feels "centering" to me emotionally.  I am not sure if that is progress towards a goal of potentially being able to become an occasional pipe smoker, or if I have ingrained in me strongly enough the idea of not "acting out" and making decisions when hurt or stressed (aka, eating a bunch of junk food like I used to when hurt/stressed, perhaps also aka, not smoking my pipe when hurt/stressed) that pipe "yearnings" are dampened down by my hurt/stress.  

PipeTobacco

The Damn Bear

It was a surprise to me, as I did not think there WERE any BEARS in my neck of the woods, as it was too urban an environment. But, lo-and-behold, there he was.

Of course, I had a surge in the "Fight-or-Flight" hormones of epinephrine and norepinephrine in my body at seeing the massive brown bear.  But, dammit, I had been feeling rather "pushed around" enough by life lately, that I  thought in the back of my mind.... NO... NO MORE!  This time..... this time.... I am going to STAND MY GROUND!

The bear approached me rather quickly, and gave me a rather surprisingly powerful right jab that hit me across the cheek and rattled my eye in its socket a bit.  I admit... it hurt.... a helluva lot.  But, that just riled me up more.  

I took a broad stance with my legs and put up my fists, and POW!.... gave the damnable bear a good right hook!  Then, I regained my footing and threw a powerful left fist into his snout,  and then I rounded it up with another massive right hook to the side of his head!

I swear.... at the end of all that, the bear looked a helluva lot worse for wear than I did!!!!!

.

.

.

.

😄

Ok, now onto the more mundane, actual aspects of life....

I ended up tripping on some broken up sidewalk Tuesday morning just about as I was starting mile 9, and took a tumble.  I didn't break my fall very well, nor roll as well as I have done in the past, and my cheek hit the pavement (along with my shoulder, knees, etc).  My cheek split open a bit and I spent the morning in the emergency room getting stitched up.

Everything though, is on the mend.  I have one helluva black eye, though, besides my stitches.  One of the emergency room doctors gave me a "complement" of sorts when he told me he was glad I hadn't hit a bit lower on my face, otherwise he would have had to trim my beard on that side to do the stitching, and that would have “…been a real shame to have to trim it.”

I went home and rested a bit, and did some further grading.

And now, I tried to follow the old, cowboy adage today:

"When you fall off your horse, you have to get back on to ride."

So, this morning, even though I was more than a little bit stiff and sore, I got up at the usual time, and I ran 11.2 miles ( ~18km) so I wouldn't be "spooked" about my fall.... and to stay on track for the week.

My stitches will be removed in a few days.  They are in the same location as on the pirate in the above image, but on the left side.  Too bad it isn't Halloween, I could have used my stitches to enhance my pirate costume at a party.  

PipeTobacco 

1/2

 

I ran my May 1/2 Marathon run for the month this morning.  I actually ran 13.3 miles (~21.5 km).  I am glad to have gotten that run out of the way for the month.  It has given me a bit of a jump start in terms of reaching my weekly goal.  

I have been busy with all sorts of grading for the end of the semester.  My head is spinning with numbers.  

I am wearing an ancient sweatshirt from my graduate school days today while I work in my office.  It is only one of two that I have left from those years, several decades ago.  But it is enjoyable to wear, even though it is a bit big and baggy on my now. 

I am taking this as an improvement, although it is not yet where I want to be.... but I did recall a very small snippet of a dream this morning.  It seemed to be only a few seconds worth of time, but in the dream, I was perhaps around roughly 30 years old (my beard and mustache were dark brown mostly), and I was sitting on the ground, outside somewhere (could not discern where) smoking my pipe.  Not much else in that snippet of a dream, other than I was wearing a worn, dark blue, button down shirt.

But, I am going to think of this as the grand start of me recalling my dreams.... or at least I sure hope so.

PipeTobacco