Slammed

It has been an enormously busy day (especially for a FRIDAY at the U).  I have not had a moment to sit down to do anything outside of getting work things done until this very moment.  I arrive here at 7:43am and it is now 3:53pm.  And, I still have to get a few more things done too.  But, I am taking just a few moments to come here to jot some things down:

• I was lucky I went to the track and started running RIGHT at 6:01am  (they open at 6:00am).  It gave me the ability to get in 8.7 miles (~14 km) before I HAD to leave to get ready to head to the U.  I still have to make up a bit of miles probably on Saturday to get my goal for the week.

• I have been in meetings galore with faculty, with students, with student researchers all day, doing all sorts of tasks.  It is also the time of the academic year where letters of support are needed by junior faculty from "respected" geezer faculty (aka the folks who have reached the top of the advancement ladder, like me) as part of their retention process and potential acquiring of tenure and potential promotion.  I have been asked to write several of these support letters.  

• I have been extremely active with my research students today as well.  We are getting a new Drosophila project underway, and so that is intellectually interesting, but requires a lot of time go guide the researchers into seeing both the "big picture" and the important minutia they need to be aware of to make the research a success.  I am also having to goad some of the kids from some of our prior work into getting their damn data analyzed... because it needs to be ready for a conference presentation only 6 weeks away.

Yesterday, I hustled myself over to the cigar shop and was fortunate that TWO of the guys were still there! One was my friend from Mass who initially invited me into the group, and the other was Frank.  Unfortunately, I do not have enough time at this moment to write out about the stories heard, but it was a beautiful and relaxing time.  I may try to write it out for tomorrow.  I also enjoyed a "Perdomo Habano Bourbon Barrel-aged Connecticut" cigar.  It was a pleasant cigar.  And, being able to talk with (at least some) of the guys was wonderfully relaxing and made for a calm, contended mindset that lasted all evening long.  

When I arrived home from the Retiree's Group, my wife and I went swimming and we then came back and had a wonderful, quiet evening together with dinner being a home-made Ethiopian soup my wife had put into the crock-pot yesterday morning along with sandwiches.  We watched television into the late evening.  Just wonderfully peaceful.

PipeTobacco   

PCS = 7..... the beauty of a pipe is so alluring to me. Like a beautiful melody or an exquisite painting.

Contentedness Score = 6..... even with the busy-ness.... things seem pretty ok.

  

Not Sure

I am not really sure what I will do after my long, 4.5 hours of "big voice" lecturing today in our U's huge lecture hall.  I will be exhausted from all that vocal projection.  I will be heading out to being those lectures very soon.  Earlier today I have been mostly working with my rodents and doing a lot of fussy paperwork for an upcoming Research Conference that I am part of the Executive Committee in. 

Last semester, at the end of the 3 hours of "big voice" lecturing I had in that same lecture hall, the timing of the end allowed me the beautiful luxury of then traversing to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" and I was only modestly late in arrival.  It was something I had grown VERY fond of each Thursday.  

Part of me SO very much wants to travel out to the cigar shop, and try to capture the same sort of fun and relaxation I had been experiencing every Thursday for the last several months.  But, I am not sure who if any of my friends will still be there at the time I can arrive.  Will I be disappointed and no one will remain?  Should I or should I not have a cigar if no one is there?  Should I read a book while there, if I go? Will the larger amount of "big voice" lecturing make me feel (especially if disappointed at no friends still there) more ornery and exhausted if I go.... hence making the experience not enjoyable, or will it still feel like a respite, a relief, and a pleasantry? 

I am just not sure what I should do.  

• Still been running.  10 miles (~16km) each morning this week.  Some days it has been enjoyable.  Today, it felt less than enjoyable, but I persevered.  
• I am of the opinion that the "doctor" (my preferred moniker for him....QUACK!) who treated my foot challenge (the corn/wart/whatever) did not really do a damn thing.  I do not think it really went away and I have the same issue and it is frustrating.  I am going to take measures into my own hands and work on it using over-the-counter callous removers. 

PipeTobacco

PCS - 9... I really would like a pipe very, very much at the moment.  Perhaps indulging in a cigar at the shop may help somewhat, but I do not know. 

Contentedness Score - 3.5.... nothing is really wrong.... I just have feelings of aggravation and a lack of understanding about the near future.

Gallus Ova

The information about retirement yesterday had me daydreaming all evening long. Do not get me wrong, I actually very much enjoy MOST of my job (you know the exceptions in terms of some annoying folks).  But, the one facet about retirement that I am looking MOST forward to is the flexibility in terms of my time.  The idea of having a flexible schedule of when to do things seems so beautiful.  I was able to taste the flavor of that freedom during the pandemic, when the U was in lockdown and all our classes were online.  Being able to choose day-to-day when I would get up, when I would do work, when I would exercise was SO freeing-feeling..... even in the midst of the pandemic.  

Eggs are interesting in many biological and also culinary ways.  In my embryology course, I talk a whole hellluva lot about eggs from all sorts of different beasts and various forms of vegetation.  But, from a culinary standpoint, I also admire eggs.  Of course I have used and eaten eggs as part of various delightful and delicious baked goods.  But, interestingly, I never really liked eggs as a singular food type when I was a kid.  It was not until I was in adulthood that I began to find eggs as a singular food to my liking.  

For me, I tend to like four different types of singular food type eggs..... a) coddled are perhaps my favorite, b) hard boiled, c) scrambled, and d) frittata/quiche.  I am very much not fond of fried eggs, or any rendering of those. 

I am still pondering what to do if anything on Thursday relating to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  I already feel sad about not being able to be there.  I am not sure if I should go as quickly as I can get out of the U and POSSIBLY find one or two stragglers who may be left, who most likely will be nearly ready to leave when I arrive..... or if I should go there and likely just be by myself and read a pleasure book.... or if I should simply just not go and stay at the U and work.  I need to make some sort of decision/plan. 

"Gallus" is both the Genus and the species name for the domestic chicken (Gallus gallus).   Ova is a more "sciencey" name for an egg.  One funny final thought.... when I wrote above... "all sorts of different beasts and various forms of vegetation"  it reminded me of a funny definition I would use to define "biology" and I would use it especially to tease my botanical cohorts (my being a zoologist):

"Biology - the study of animals and their food sources."😁

PipeTobacco

PCS - 8... I have been thinking deeply about my beloved pipes the last few days.  The feelings of deep yearning for them seems to be very prominent and strong this week.  

Contentment Score - 6... thus far, anyhow..... it just seems like a normal, average day.  That.... in itself, is soothing. 

Supposedly

 

The retirement company that is associated with our U has retirement specialists that come to campus once a month to help folks with questions/concerns.  I made an appointment with them to see what was up.

That appointment was today.  Trying to learn about my retirement options is a daunting task for me.  My inclination is to have extraordinary trepidation about retirement because I am terribly afraid to be "destitute and homeless".  I can understand that this last sentence may sound silly.  But, it is a very significant fear of mine.  Perhaps it was a worry instilled in me by my Great Depression era parents.... but I do  not tend to think so, although it may be a part.  Perhaps a large amount of my fear is related to the ambiguity of the various "calculators" and "predictor models" that purport to project into the future factors such as inflation, economy, etc.  Or perhaps there is something more that I just do not understand about my fears.  

But, I do know that the idea is wholly frightening.  I keep imagining scenarios where what APPEARS to be a comfortable retirement plan becomes decimated and simultaneously social security drys up and Medicare is dismantled.  I have even had nightmares of exactly these things happening and I awake in a fully pajama soaked sweat from the fear experienced in those nightmares. 

With my U position I am able to go to these specialists every month or two, and I am thinking I NEED to do this, just to try to allay my fears and anxieties.  In today's session, which arguably was extremely hypothetical, the fellow set up a scenario where he projected out until we are each in our mid nineties the projected costs we would together have based upon "lifestyle spending trends" we talked about.  He was even able to (with my wife's permission) access her own retirement information and combine it in this theoretical model with my own to project our "couples" needs.  

From his modeling, he suggests that in THEORY, if we were to retire in two years, we would THEORETICALLY meet our monthly expenditures every month in this projection through our mid 90s with a THEORETICAL monthly surplus of ~$6,000.

I do not know if I believe the above, or if in reality the above is just this fellow "blowing smoke" up my posterior.  I do not know if I trust the modeling system.  I do not know if I can test the accuracy of such a model.  

Overall, it SOUNDS amazing and wonderful and more than I (we) could ever hope for.  But, I do NOT believe it, and I do NOT trust it.  This fellow also helped me enroll online for a retirement simulator approved by the U's retirement agency that I can "play around" with to test various scenarios.  I may have to do this, and see what my own efforts at modeling may show.  I imagine I would strive to create as much of a "worst case" scenario in these models as I could figure out.  Perhaps, IF after I exhaust creating as many worse-case scenarios as I can figure out.... and if they would somehow still allow us to have at least an ability to SURVIVE in retirement... then PERHAPS I could feel less afraid and less fearful.  I do not know.  It all seems to be smoke and mirrors if you ask me. 

PipeTobacco

PCS - 8.... I would so much relish a calming pipe.  The retirement talk has made my stress hormones sky rocket.  And, the ambiguities about what will occur regarding my inability to go to the Retirees Cigar Group at the proper time if at all this coming Thursday make things feel very harsh.

Contentedness Score - 3.... nothing should be wrong, but I now feel a lot of anxiety.  I feel exhausted.  The fear is draining.  

Day 1

From a teaching standpoint, I am now finished with Day 1 of the semester.  I still have plenty of research things, meetings, and paperwork things to do for the remainder of the day.... but the teaching is finished for today. 

I had to buy a new set of tires for my wife's vehicle.  We noticed what a difficult time the car was having navigating on the slippery, icy, and snowy roads this weekend (we had a fresh ~3 inches of new snow on the roads), and as I inspected them, I realized that they were the ORIGINAL tires from when we purchased the car (50,000 miles ago).  The tread was not particularly deep. Usually the mechanic we use checks our tires when the vehicles come in for service.  But, my wife had been choosing to go to a "Speedy-Lube" to have them change the oil in her car the last two years or so because she wanted to just hurry up and get it done fast (~10 minutes) compared to when I would take the vehicle to the mechanic and it could take an hour or two or three before it would be worked into the schedule.  Since I rarely drive her vehicle, I had overlooked that no one was paying attention to the tires.  I will not neglect to do so from now on since she appears to want to continue "Speedy Lube-ing". 

My MIL seems to be doing ok with everything, and I hope we can continue in that way to get her through the arm recovery for the next four more weeks.  This will allow her to be cast free and to use her walker again in about five weeks.   

I am not sure what if anything I will do this Thursday concerning the "Retiree's Cigar Group".  Unfortunately my lack of being an actual retiree has hampered my progress and I have a class on Thursday during the prime meeting time.  It is discouraging.  I am considering maybe trying to get there as fast as I can after class and to see what is going on.  At best, there may be one or two stragglers who stay quite long there.... and I could have a cigar and talk with them.  But, it likely would not be for long, perhaps 15 to 30 minutes maximum... if they are there at all.  Then I would likely be alone.  I could potentially take a book to read, but that is a whole different dynamic in and of itself.   I just am not sure.  I will GREATLY MISS what was.  I am not sure what to do.  I want to go there.  But, I am not sure.

Anyone else remember the old "One-A-Day Vitamin ads like I posted here?  Or the original glass bottle you would buy them in?  I do, and I think I may still have one of the bottles hanging around somewhere in a box somewhere.  

PipeTobacco 

   

Brief

My MIL is doing reasonably well, other than…. because of her memory challenges, she keeps asking why there is a wheelchair in her room and she ended up taking her cast off once (we put it back on more firmly and there is a “lock device” on it that we hope prevents her from doing that again).  Her return visit to assess her arm’s progress is late in the week.  

PipeTobacco 

Wrist

Unfortunately, my Mother-In-Law fell and broke her wrist yesterday in her assisted living apartment.  It has been quite chaotic and difficult, especially due to her cognitive decline.  Right now she is seemingly doing ok.  But we had her at the emergency room for quite a while and now she needs to use a wheel chair during her recovery as she had been moving and navigating with a walker.  I am hoping that she continues to do things that will help her recovery and not try to get up unassisted.  

PipeTobacco

Moody Blues

While working late into the night yesterday to get things up to snuff in my courses, I turned on my Pandora, and this time I selected the "Crosby, Stills, & Nash" channel I had created a couple of years ago.  

Although my kids continually attempt to goad me into using their "youngin' preferred" app, Spotify.... I have been reluctant to try Spotify as I do very much like my FREE Pandora.  I also like that with Pandora, when I created a channel, they initially stated with a small handful of songs from the artist I created the channel about, but then regularly add "similar" styles of music from other artists that I can "thumb up" and keep in my channel or "thumb down" and eliminate from my channel.   I have been exposed to many new (to me) songs that I enjoy, including many of the lesser known C,S,N, & Y songs, and solo works by the C, S, N, & Y folks.  

But, what is ESPECIALLY nice is when Pandora rotates in a song from a different (but similar styled) artist or group.  This happened yesterday and it is the reason why I am writing about it. Yesterday, they added a new (to me) song by the Moody Blues.  Of course I know their biggest hits in the U.S. (Tuesday Afternoon & Knights in White Satin) which I enjoy, but I have been relatively unfamiliar with other work of theirs.  The song that was playing on my Pandora was utterly striking, and it was called "The Story in Your Eyes".  I was rather captivated by this song and looked it up.  It was quite popular in Canada, so I suspect AC will know it, but it had limited popularity on U.S. charts.  It is so good, I had to also look up the lyrics as they were beautiful as well.  I encourage you to listen to this song, especially if you are unfamiliar with it:

The Story in Your Eyes

by The Moody Blues

I've been thinking about our fortune
And I've decided that we're really not to blame
For the love that's deep inside us now is still the same
 

And the sounds we make together
Is the music to the story in your eyes
It's been shining down upon me now, I realize
 

Listen to the tide slowly turning
Wash all our heartaches away
We're part of the fire that is burning
And from the ashes we can build another day
 

But I'm frightened for your children
That the life that we are living is in vain
And the sunshine we've been waiting for will turn to rain
 

Listen to the tide slowly turning
Wash all our heartaches away
We're part of the fire that is burning
And from the ashes we can build another day
 

But I'm frightened for your children
And the life that we are living is in vain
And the sunshine we've been waiting for will turn to rain
 

When the final line is over
And it's certain that the curtain's gonna fall
I can hide inside your sweet, sweet love forever more

Now look at this ACOUSTIC COVER of the song.  It is amazing.

So, it was a wonderful find that enhanced my late night work.  I am going to look for more Moody Blues as well, as I suspect there will be many more songs I may not know but would greatly enjoy.  

* * * * *

I am looking forward to the Retiree's Cigar Group!  I shall be going soon!

PipeTobacco

Contentment Score = 6

PCS = 4

Bee

 I have only a brief post because I am bound and determined to get all my pre-start course materials up to snuff and also the LMSs published and my greeting letters out to students before I go to bed tonight.  I am doing nothing else other than dinner until they are all done!  

That way, I should be able to focus on all my organisms tomorrow before heading to the Retiree’s Cigar Group in the early afternoon Thursday!  It will unfortunately be the last one for at least a few weeks because of my schedule.  That disappoints me and I am not sure what I will do next week regarding this.  

PipeTobacco 

Contentment Score = 6 

Pipe Craving Score =8

Just Fussing & Finagling

 

Just fussing and finagling all sorts of documents on the computer today as I adjust dates on syllabi, a whole host of other documents, and  adjust dates on my various LMSs.  It is rather akin to "grunt" work that is tedious, and my mind drifts readily.  

Times of this sort of mundane, but very focused work had typically been times where my pipes and pipe tobaccos were my constant companions to assist me in this sort of work.  I fondly remember my tendency during these sorts of times to have multiple, consecutive bowlfuls of pipe tobacco.... typically varying the brand/flavor of pipe tobacco with each bowlful to keep things interesting.  Interestingly, I do remember many of the rotations of different pipe tobaccos I consumed during those times, and I would often have several bowlfuls of leaf I only very infrequently sampled to keep it interesting.  But I scantly if at all remember the monotony of the keyboard or pen of those same times.  So, in many ways I feel the pipes and tobaccos were BOTH a focuser for me in my work and also a highly pleasant distractor from this mundane work.  

My hope is to have everything up to snuff and ready to go by Wednesday at the end of the day at the latest!  I need to focus on research things, and need the mundanities of getting the courses ready to be DONE so I can just focus on my opening day lectures and my research.

I ran 10.2 miles (~16.5 km) this morning.  That is a helluva lot of loops on the track.

PipeTobacco

Contentedness Score - 5.  I feel rather neutral today.  Just grinding through.

Pipe Craving Score - 9.  As stated in the above, today's workload would especially draw me to my beloved pipes and pipe tobaccos (but then again, it seems perhaps everything does. 😄 ).  But, I can sincerely state that today the yearning is significantly strong and very deep.  Interestingly, I abruptly awoke this morning at ~2:30am, feeling hot and sweaty (this happens occasionally).  I got up and walked out in my pajamas onto the back porch to cool off a bit so I could go to sleep.  In my mind, I would have relished a pipe then too (and "back in the day" typically would have done so).  I wonder if I was already anticipating the planed monotony?

PipeTobacco

Comments on Comments Monday

Some thoughts on some excerpted comments from the last week.  They are arranged alphabetically by person and are in reverse order from last week:

AC stated:

"The description (of Capuchin theology) sounds like what Christians are supposed to be....   ....They have to do with lifestyle rather than religious piety."

Yes, unfortunately, like in MANY religions and in MANY other groups (political, social, etc.) the intention of a group itself is OFTEN corrupted and negatively distorted by some folks who do negative things under the GUISE of that group.  There are MANY people of this ilk.  In my opinion, it does not negate the actual group itself.   

"The group (Retiree's Cigar Group) fills a need in your life although 'need' may be too strong of a word, but you know what I mean."

It is indeed something that makes me feel a whole and complete person, if that makes sense.  It is just a group of regular folks who are becoming my friends and it feels so casual, so normal, so like how an "unencumbered" life feels.  It feels "centering" to go there because it is not about stressors, not about work, not about responsibilities.  It just is "being" if that makes sense. 

"You have a lot of resolutions because you are a thoughtful and sincere guy who always strives to do your best." & "You sincerely try to live a good life and try to keep doing even better than you already do."

I sincerely thank you for thinking so.  I like that at least my intentions are apparent even if I fail often. 

 

GaP stated:

"... Regarding OZ...I was reared on the original MGM film which got me to check out the source material of L. Frank Baum. He wrote fourteen books about OZ before he passed away... So yeah...all these new spins on OZ just don't do it for me."

I am glad what I wrote makes sense.  Do  not get me wrong, the movie itself was excellent cinematic-ally and musically.  It just felt OFF from a story standpoint to me, and felt almost like it wanted to in many ways destroy the beauty of the original, IMO.... which I think would be sad. 

Margaret stated:

"I agree with John (AC) that the description is what Christians are supposed to strive for. How I wish that were still the case with everyone!"

Unfortunately, IMO, there have ALWAYS been folks who corrupt a doctrine, philosophy, faith, or group so that they can attempt to use this corruption to their own devices.  In the modern age, I do believe there has been a rather strong anti-faith push by various groups... and one way they promote anti-faith thoughts by very heavily focusing people's attention on only the negative, horrible things that a subset of folks do using pseudo-faith as a way to do their wrongs.  There are of course many instances of folks who corrupted Catholicism to do harm, and similarly for other faiths collectively called "Christian" as well.  And, the same is true for many other faiths that have had some folks corrupt their message and philosophy.  But also, here is a non-faith example as well..... Unionization of workers is a wonderful action in my opinion, but there have been SOME union "leaders" who were corrupt as hell too (Jimmy Hoffa for instance).  Bad folks doing things in the guise of something that IS good does not, IMO negate the good of the real group.       

"What a coincidence about the grandson being a former student! I'm often running into that since I've lived my whole life in the city I taught in. Someone always knows someone I know! That's wonderful about the cigar group and the lifting/running. It sounds like you have some of your joie de vivre back!"

It was interesting and surprising to me too.  Over the decades of my teaching, I have lots of former students recognize me and want to talk almost everywhere I go, so that is pretty common.  I even have students who come to me and say that their parents (or now even a few GRANDPARENTS) had me as as a teacher).   But it was interesting for the grandfather of a student be interested in making the association.  He reported back to me that his grandson gave me a tremendous amount of accolades and mentioned that I was very dynamic and verbose in class, which impressed the fellow as (as I have mentioned before) I am still (by my nature) relatively quiet at the Retiree's Cigar group.   As for my joie de vivre.... I am hoping it IS back, but.... one thing I do realize is that I have to keep trying even when I am not feeling up to snuff, because it is the only way I know to get to feeling better.  :) 

"I don't know if pleasant memories can be as good as the real thing, but they seem to comfort you. Strength training would be great for me as well but would require buying weights or going to a gym, which I've never been motivated to do."

Very true.... the pleasant memories are in no fashion as good as is actually indulging in my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  There is no comparison.  But, the memories ARE positive.  

"These are all very worthy goals to strive for. The idea is to move forward toward them (in my opinion) and not consider oneself a failure if they are not quite reached. Progress is key." 

That is how I feel too.  Progress IS the key.  I feel it is important to always remain grounded in the idea that to accomplish anything, I think work is the key.  It is interesting that some folks do not feel that way, and I am at a loss on how to understand how they move towards their goals or aspirations.  

"I'm happy about the Cigar Group relaxation and bonding! What a great decision you made to attend. As for the family stuff, we can only separate so much as parents, unfortunately. "

I am very glad I tried the group too and remain thankful to my friend from Mass for inviting me.  You are absolutely correct about not being able to separate from family.  What I find for me, though, is that compartmentalizing those more harsh aspects (when I can figure out how to compartmentalize) helps me to better cope with the other responsibilities of life as well.  As I suspect you may feel similarly, when a harsh thing happens, it can and USUALLY does smother (at least for a while) most other aspects of life.  It is my hoped for goal/aspiration regarding family challenges .... to be there when I can be helpful, and to try to better compartmentalize my worry when it occurs into a workable package that allows me to better continue with the other things I must do too.

Pam J. stated:

"If you make a list of 2024 accomplishments, joining the cigar group will be near the top....  ...I live with an adult son and never imagined that my children wouldn't leave the nest. One did, one didn't. I don't have devastating emotions about this reality but I do worry about this child every day and will until I die. I also review my many mistakes in helping this child with independent living and those feelings can get close to devastating (when I'm in a particularly bad mental place). It's the biggest mystery in my life, and probably my biggest perceived failure. So I get your obsession, even though it might not be an apples to apples comparison."

I am sorry that you are having that challenge.  Although my challenge is different, the feelings seem the same.  When things first started going South, I would ruminate for hours and hours about how perhaps if I had done this, or done that, or focused on this or that, perhaps the outcome may have been different.  For quite a while that was where my mind was continually focused and I felt so many regrets... for so many things I had done that I had hoped were positive things.  Eventually, through a lot of reading, I was able to (mostly) dig out of that "Perhaps if I had...." mentality and realize that my efforts WERE and CONTINUE to be towards doing good for my family members.  Perhaps some of what I did, did not meet some needs, but I cannot say I did not TRY with all the energy I could.

Pat stated:

"Professor, am I remembering correctly that you've had a pleasant acquaintanceship with a pipe-smoking Capuchin friar? Are you still in touch with him?"

Very sadly, this remarkable man who you mention, has passed away.  He was at our Parish sporadically over the course of about three years or so, and I really admired and enjoyed him as a Capuchin Priest and Brother.  He had heard many of my confessions as well, and we had many discussions also about his (and my own) pipe smoking.  He was at our Parish to assist during an extended illness of our Parish Priest.  After that resolved, this wonderful Capuchin was moved elsewhere shortly before he then (due to his own challenges with mobility due to a leg condition) when into an assisted living community.  Unfortunately, he did not last there too long, as when I had found out where he was, I worked to contact him by letter, and was regrettably informed of his passing.   

"Professor, perhaps I'm over-analyzing, but I'm wondering whether there's an interesting aspect of your PCS that I hadn't considered previously. Thinking about what you've written in the past at different PCS levels, I'm wondering: would a low PCS score ironically correlate with less contentment?..."

I am not sure I am viewing my scoring in that sort of fashion.  To me, a low PCS score is more a measure to me of my not having a focus on my pipe smoking habits (desires currently and also perhaps memories of the past).  From the scale I envisioned, I thought the lower the numbers the more I had been able to move "beyond" these thoughts.  

"...It seems that you derive genuine joy from your tranquil thoughts of pleasant pipe memories, such that your optimal PCS wouldn't be in the 0/1 range, but rather would be as high as it could be without severely tempting you to indulge...."

I do indeed derive some level of happiness in recalling pipe memories.  Whether it is a positive or a negative to do so, I am not certain.  In some ways, perhaps it could be viewed as a "crutch" of some sort.  Or, perhaps in a "positive spin" it could be just a remembrance of a former reality I had experienced.  I am not sure which if either way to perceive it is wholly accurate or if there are other reasons.  I do know and recognize that when I am drifting off to sleep I can and typically DO perpetuate "experiencing" these memories in multiple sensory modalities.... touch, taste, olfaction, visually and auditorily.  It is being ALMOST able to experience this modalities is what FEELS helpful in relaxing me to sleep, but again, I am not sure if that is a positive or a negative.

PepperLady stated:

"Looks like all is well."

Things are indeed at a point where things feel more predictable and stable.  So that is good.

Street Writer stated:

"Sir, to get some zest back in running, I suggest you resolve to run a half-marathon race (13.1 miles) this year. I am your age and have run 2 of them and plan on running another in August. And you are a much stronger runner than I am."

I agree with you that I should do this.  One of my son's has been after me to do this last year and would want to do so this year.  I know I CAN (at least at the moment, knock on wood) run a half-marathon, for for the past 5 years, I have vowed to run at least ONE workout to the 1/2 marathon length each month.  I think I WILL try to muster the courage to actually run a 1/2 marathon at an event this year.  I must admit though, that I have NOT done so before this, because I feel extremely self-conscious about running in a group of real runners.  Even though I do run, and I do run a fair amount.... in my MIND I remain the incapable, very chubby kid who failed at anything athletic in my youth.  I remember the guilt, the shame, the feelings of failure when I had gym in high school and it seemed almost inevitably I was in a class with "jocks" of all sorts and my "nerdy", "bookishness" was considered rather repulsive.  But, I do think you are correct, and I am working to overcome my anxiety to register for and run a 1/2 Marathon in public at a race that is relatively close to me that occurs in July.  

That is it for today, I guess.

PipeTobacco

PCS = 7.  Although I have yearnings for a pipe, the busy-ness of having to get things done for the new semester help me push the thoughts to the back of my mind to a degree.

Contentedness Score = 6.  Just a general busy day, but without specific deadlines, so that helps.

Capuchin Mindset

In my effort to delve into Capuchin Roman Catholic theology more deeply , I am attempting to be more proactive in my organization and thoughts about the beloved Capuchins.  I am starting to keep a notebook of things I find, and better organize books I have or may obtain about their thoughts and work.  

Capuchin theology is based on the teachings of Saint Francis of Assisi and has folks attempting to live the Franciscan traditions. Capuchin Franciscans are a Catholic religious order who emphasizes the following in theology: 

Prayer: Capuchins seek to be a living prayer and joyful presence. They pray regularly, including morning praise, evening thanksgiving, and Eucharist. 

Fraternity: Capuchins are rooted in mutual love, humble reverence, and respect for one another and for all people. They believe that a Capuchin is first and foremost a brother among brothers. 

Simplicity: Capuchins live a simple lifestyle, but NOT a harsh one. They vow poverty, but have enough to ensure a healthy and complete lifestyle. 

Service to the poor: Capuchins dedicate their lives to serving the poor and marginalized. They preach, teach, cook, counsel, and minister in hospitals, schools, soup kitchens, parishes, and in the mission fields. 

Eucharistic devotion: Capuchins place great emphasis on Eucharistic devotion. 

Veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary: Capuchins venerate the Blessed Virgin Mary. 

All of the above are aspects I wish to immerse in more deeply.  Today, in particular, the aspects of simplicity and service are the areas that especially resonated and I am planning to spend more time today attempting to learn more and to identify ways in which I can begin to grow and become better in those two aspects.  

PipeTobacco

Contentment Score = 7.5 - Generally things seem even-keeled, and there feels as if there is potential for me to grow and be a better person.  

Pipe Craving Score = 8 - I have always deeply associated contemplation with smoking my pipe.  And, what is perhaps valuable for me to recognize is that CONTEMPLATION is a wholly different mindset from RUMINATION.  For me, ruminating can be sometimes useful when I need to solve a problem or conundrum.  But, rumination itself can sometimes be debilitating to me, especially when there are no discernable pathways to improve a problem or conundrum.  Contemplation, by contrast, feels more as an action of being more present, more immersed.  And, truth-be-told, I do realize that my pipe has been a useful and loved tool that has helped me be more present and more immersed.  I do miss that.

This & That

 Just some thoughts:

• The Retiree's Cigar Group was a pure delight!  One of the fellows, who is roughly 80 or so, was telling me of his grandson who had just graduated this past December, and I ended up finding out he (the grandson) was a former student of mine.  The fellow who had initially invited me from Mass was there as well, and we talked about various things, including his interest in HAM radio, which I have had a mild interest in, but have not pursued.  There were fewer folks yesterday due to the still "holiday" timings for a lot of folks, but it was great fun.  I indulged in a Perdomo cigar again and it was very pleasant (it was NOT a pipe, but it was nice in its own way).  
• Running was good this morning, although the tiredness of my upper body training is a bit noticeable in my running as well because I tend to brace myself a lot with my legs when I am using the various weight machines.  
• I shall be lifting again today as well.  
• I believe we are still on for having dinner with my sisters this evening.  I may indulge in a beer (IPA preferred if possible for its "hoppiness").  
• My wife and I are hoping to swim this afternoon before going to dinner.  

PipeTobacco

Contentedness Score = 7.5... nice day of things seemingly falling back into a pleasant, recognizable routine.  

Pipe Craving Score = 7... the cigar yesterday was nice, but it was NOT a pipe, and the beautiful memories of prior pipes are keeping me chugging along.  If I think about the memories too deeply, though, it can feel bittersweet because of not currently indulging.  But, if I simply let myself relive their beauty in a more ephemeral sort of mindset, it is quite pleasant.  

Thursday!

Keeping my finger's crossed that I will be able to attend the Retiree's Cigar Group this afternoon!  I am looking forward to it.  Unfortunately, with my new schedule, my attendance is assured (as assured as it can be) for today and for next Thursday.  After that, I regrettably will be much more sporadic.  That has me concerned because it is a wonderful experience for me and I have grown to look forward to it greatly.  With how it stands now, I may only be able to attend once a month for the next few months.  I am trying to figure out other options, but I am not sure what they may be.  

• Yesterday, I ran on the Planet Fitness treadmill and did my upper body workout.  My arms and chest are indeed sore this morning, but that is to be expected and a good thing.  I am going to go again today.  I am now officially recording my upper body weight training in a book I made with the four potential areas I may lift weights at (PF, the U, the pool, and some minor lifting at home using old equipment my youngest son has left behind) so I have no excuse to not do this and no excuse to not KNOW where I am at in my attempted improvements.  
• I ran today at the local track, which opened back up this morning at 6:00am.  I am glad it is back and there are no planned closures for months now (only heavy snow may shut it down).  

The image above is not me, but the craggy fellow does represent how I felt this morning being a bit more sore than usual.  But, again, that is a good thing.  It will allow me to grow.

PipeTobacco

Contentment Score = 6... I am feeling just like plugging along trying to prepare for the next semester.  I am also working on getting Christmas Decorations put away and the house cleaned and back up to snuff from the holiday activities and increased mess from messy folks.

Pipe Craving Score = 4... With this being a "RCG" day (Retiree's Cigar Group), although I have a yearning for a pipe, the substitution of the RCG... with its camaraderie has me feeling that yearning less than I otherwise would... since I have something really enjoyable to look forward to.

New Year

Since the U is closed (I can access my offices, labs, and animals of course, but the exercise building is closed.) and the local track is also closed, my wife likes to go to our community's Planet Fitness, and I can go with her for free.  So, it will be on the treadmill later this morning.  I am also hoping to do some of the weight training I am vowing to get back into.

Not sure what the remainder of the day will be.  Perhaps I will work on syllabi and my LMS's.  I am not sure.

PipeTobacco

Contentment Score = 5 (This score can span from 0 - 10).  As I have not yet started much of the new year and there is not a lot going on, I think a 5 is a reasonable starting point.

Pipe Craving Score = 7 (This score (like before) can span from 0 - 10). It is interesting that my thoughts before bed remain in recalling pleasant pipe memories.  They help me feel tranquil at the end of the day.  I am not sure if such a drift into memories would be helpful during the workday or not.