The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Friday, May 16, 2025

Various Varicosities

 

"Varicosities" is a collective term applied to what we commonly call "varicose veins".  From what I have been told, they can be somewhat uncomfortable and often feel rather itchy in folks that have them.  People can have them in a temporary fashion (such as many women experience them abdominally and in the upper leg region during the later stages of trimester three of a pregnancy), or they can be long-term and persistent.  

In my family, my Dad had considerable varicosities in his legs.  He did not complain about them much but did say they were quite itchy.  My mother did not experience any varicosities.  In us kids, I have one sister who has very significant varicosities much like my Dad had, but the rest of us are varicosity free (well, one other sister had temporary gestational varicosities).  

Even though it was a bit ahead of time in the semester, I was thinking a bit about one of my lectures about cardiovascular physiology, and was reminded about how I do talk about varicosities fairly extensively.  One of my favorite stories associated with that topic is about how cashiers (like in a grocery store check-out line) have had thick, rubbery mats in their cashier's booth since roughly the early 1970s.  Because a cashier is on his/her feet for the entirety of his/her shift in a relatively stationary pose, cashiers used to be very prone to developing persistent varicosities.  But researchers discovered that UNEVENLY surfaced rubbery mats in a cashier booth would force the cashier to keep shifting his/her weight back-and-forth during the workday and the muscular contractions of the legs would be sufficient in most cases to prevent the development of varicosities from long-term standing.  This is because the leg muscle contraction would push against the veins in the legs, helping them get blood more easily back to the heart, instead of having blood pool in the veins (leading to varicosities).  So, since the 1970s, cashier booths almost always have a thick, uneven, rubbery mat in them... not to be "cushiony" but instead to force the cashier to shift his/her weight back-and-forth.  

Fortunately I do not have any varicosities.  But, I DO have very prominent arteries and veins that are noticeable under the surface of my skin.  I have always had them, but they became even more prominent when I lost weight long ago.  My hands and my feet especially show a very prominent and strong arborization of vessels.  I have been told by a variety of clinicians that I would be an easy "delight" to obtain a blood draw from if that ever became needed, because my veins are so easy to see (and feel). 

Thursday's teaching was QUITE busy, but overall rather fun.  I am still relishing the memory of going to the Cigar Shop on Wednesday because I was delighted to have "Clif" and "Norm" to talk with..... even though it was not Thursday.  That has me feeling hope that it will pleasant each week until I can really rejoin the Retiree's Cigar Group at the start of July.  Because the fellows know I am not yet retired, I have jokingly told them that I am actually in their "Apprenticeship Program" so that I can learn to become a good retiree.  

In the glove box of my vehicle, I have ALWAYS kept an older, "less special"  pipe, and a small pouch of pipe tobacco (I do not really like that phrase... what I am meaning more is that the pipe is not a pristine, "perfect" specimen.... instead it is a well-worn, well-loved pipe that is sturdy and strong, but not needing a lot of care).  I hadn't thought about this pipe in a while, but on the way home from the U yesterday, I dug it out of the glove box and was looking at it and remembering many of the enjoyable times I had indulged in my pipe tobaccos with it.  I fiddled with it all the way home on the drive and gripped it between my teeth a fair amount of time too.  I could even taste a a gentle, very pleasing remnant/residue of a particularly pleasant vanilla tinctured burley I have always especially liked...  on the stem.  It was extremely pleasant to have while driving home.  It had me yearning to readopt my old, daily ritual of enjoying a pleasant pipe whilst I drove home each evening in my trusty steed.  That ritual was such a beautiful transition from work to home.  It in many ways helped me to "reset" my mind and focus each evening. 

PipeTobacco  

Thursday, May 15, 2025

10 Minute Break

I only have a 10 minute break for today's 9.5 hours of "big voicing" so I thought while I gobbled down some cereal, I would briefly write:

  • I could only get it 6.2 miles (10km) this morning, because I have to get up so damn early to be able to then clean up, get dressed, and drive to the U to start my 8:00am class.  
  • The foray to the cigar shop was a great success yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon!  Two of my friends were there, so it was very nice!  I kind of think these two are akin to Norm and Cliff on Cheers..... there nearly every day.  So, while I would like to go to the "formal" Thursday group.... during this interval of the accelerated course,  a Wednesday foray will seemingly work!
  •  Back to the class!
PipeTobacco



Wednesday, May 14, 2025

Fiber Cereal

  • I am in my office eating my high fiber cereal (with blueberries and a bit of grape nuts as well) that has been soaking for perhaps two hours so it is nice and soft.
  • I ran a strong 10 miles this morning (~16km).  It was helpful.  
  • Later this morning I will eat my bowl of grapefruit and grapes.  
  • Yesterday was the first class of the new semester.  In this semester, I spend 9.5 hours straight on two days a week (it is an accelerated class and there are enough students to also have two laboratory sections).  50 students total, with about 10 on a wait-list because I cannot overload the class due to lab regulations.
  • As it was the first day of the semester, I talked the whole damn day.... in my "professorial voice" as well.  I was beyond tired.
  • Unfortunately, our Parish's "Care-Share" study group changed the day it is meeting now to Tuesdays at 7:00pm.  My wife REALLY enjoys going, and so we went.  I always enjoy the videos, which are focused and rather linear in presentation.  But the mandatory group discussion afterwards is difficult for me... and was even more so in my state of exhaustion after "big voicing" all day.  Please do not get me wrong.... I like the people.... but as I have said before.... the ability of the group discussion to be focused (such as ABOUT THE VIDEO WE WATCHED) is nil.... I think the tiny brain of a gnat would have more ability to focus than the collective group.  It is very, very challenging for me, especially when I am exhausted and famished (not enough time to eat..... barely enough time to get to the "Care-Share" after leaving the U as it is.  I did nibble on ONE small "Fun Sized" candy bar that they had a big bowl of for snacks, but honestly, candy like that on an empty stomach only makes me feel a bit queasy and a) I also still worry about eating badly in that it may cause my BMI to creep out of the "normal" zone, and b) I still struggle to NOT eat in these types of situations to just "bide time".... that is an old habit I had used and was ingrained in me for decades.... and when I was working hard to lose weight all that long time ago, the "eating mindlessly in social situations.... to bide time" was one of the biggest struggles I had (and forced) myself to break.  It still IS hard when I am am feeling "trapped" in social situations where I find myself feeling tired, bored, or impatient.   
  • Because of the new schedule in this accelerated semester, there is no way I can be at the Retiree's Cigar Group on Thursdays..... not even late as I would at best get there about 6:30pm..... no good at all.  So, today, I am going to try out seeing what it may be like on Wednesdays at the normal meeting time.  I believe a couple of the regulars at the Retiree's Cigar Group do go to the shop most days to just hang out and talk.  So, I am thinking now that my Wednesday early afternoon is free for the next several weeks, I will go (at least today) to see if that may work and I might find a friend or two to chat with.  
  • Come July, however, I will be VERY HAPPILY able to go back to the Retiree's Cigar Group and SHOULD be able to be there at a normal time on Thursdays for the next six months!  
  • My students are going to present there research talks this upcoming Monday.  I will have to make an appearance too, and this meeting, being a regional one, is only about three hours away, driving.  Not that I want to drive for six hours on my Monday.  But, I should make an appearance.  I was contemplating that after I make my appearance, there is a tobacconist in THAT city I have not visited for more than a decade.  I have been rolling around in my mind that just MAYBE, I could go visit there and have a pipe while I am there.  Part of me is really drawn to the idea.  I have been happily imagining doing so for more than a week now.  Yet, I am admittedly nervous as well.  I keep imagining I am taking more and more steps on a slippery slope.  If I think about it too long, I already feel guilty about going to the Retiree's Cigar Group.... even though I also can conjure up in my mind that it is important TO go for the friendship I obtain.... and the cigar is just a part of the experience... at least in my theory.  But, in thinking about and wanting to go have a pipe at this other place.... feels almost like a wanton disregard for the "slippery slope" and perhaps is just my mind wishing to be hedonistic. So, I am not sure what I will ultimately do.
  • Speaking of this research meeting, a few of my students have just arrived to practice with me an ask questions.  So, I had better end it here.
PipeTobacco

Friday, May 09, 2025

Thursday Was Nice


Going to the Retiree's Cigar Group ON TIME for the first time in MANY weeks was really a very nice time.  Everyone who is a regular (except one person) was there, and it was extremely relaxing, peaceful, fun, and felt very experiential (I use the term "experiential" to mean it feels like an experience.... something pleasant.... not simply a task or work.).  I ended up indulging in a Perdomo Habano, and it too was pleasing to my palate and my mind.  

My wife had a work related task Thursday evening, so even though I would rather be enjoying her company..... I felt rather refreshed from the afternoon.... I went swimming, then I went home, tidied up the kitchen a bit, made a small, lime-flavored desert for us to share when she eventually came home.... AND then willingly went to my den and worked more on some of my student's presentations for their upcoming talks at the regional meeting happening soon.  

Today, I have ran already, so that is nice.  I am gearing up for a hoped for, final push on getting these presentations up-to-snuff.  I am hoping I may be able to go swimming WITH my wife this afternoon.  I still feel trepidation about the weekend, but am hoping it will go well.  

During much of the stressful times in the last few weeks, I did NOT experience any dreams, or if I did, they were more nightmares (that I do not want to relive).  But, last night I had an especially vivid and pleasing dream, which made me quite happy upon awakening.  In the dream, I was somehow in Germany, and it was a pleasant Summer day.  I was in a nice, shady park, and had just sat down and was eating a German sausage in a bun (probably not even a real/legitimate German food, but more what I imagined to be so), was drinking a large, frothy beer (in a glass mug), both of which I had purchased from a food vendor nearby (even the mug, which I was asked to return when finished).  Also in a stereotypically silly and unlikely fashion, in the park, they were having a tuba and clarinet concert I was happily listening to.  After finishing the sausage and about 1/3 of the mug of beer, I pulled out my pipe, and filled it with pipe tobacco (it was oddly some imaginary German brand I must have "picked up" prior to the start of my dream).  As I ignited my pipe, it was surprisingly and vividly robust  and quite beautiful.  In the dream, I felt so fully, the sights, sounds, and flavors of everything and felt so content.

PipeTobacco 

Thursday, May 08, 2025

Wanting "Jakoś to będzie’ "

 


I had been reading a bit and came across a concept that I have borrowed some quotes from that article below:

"In Poland, the concept of ‘Jakoś to będzie’ is acting without worrying about the consequences. It’s reaching for the impossible. It’s taking risks, and not being afraid. Literally, the phrase means ‘things will work out in the end’ – but it’s so much more than that. Rather than sitting around and hoping things will work out by themselves, 'Jakoś to będzie' is acting without worrying about the consequences. It’s reaching for the impossible. It’s taking risks, and not being afraid.  It is a concept that seems to make sense to me, and it is perhaps the perfect philosophy for tough times.

Happiness Polish-style is getting out of that comfort zone. It’s doing something that doesn’t seem to make sense simply for the sake of going against the tide. It’s striving for change."

My wife has Polish heritage, and the (now closed) Parish we went to for Mass ever since we were married is rich in Polish tradition.  One very nice fellow I knew from our Parish was from Poland and he and his family had been held in one of the Concentration Camps when he was a young boy before immigrating to the US after World War II.  I remember him saying the above phase, and now reading about it again brought back good memories.  He was a wonderful person.  He passed away about 10 or so years ago.  Even though our Parish closed, my wife and I are still often in contact with he and his wife's kids and grandkids.  

I ran again this morning.  It was good, but I am tired.

I am off to the Retiree's Cigar Group later today.  I hope it goes well.

This upcoming weekend is already getting me nervous as there are several family related activities that are happening and the potential is there for a rough go of it.  I am hoping things run smoothly but we shall see.  While I plan to write tomorrow (Friday) too, I am just mostly hoping that come Monday, things may be more calm in a more prolonged fashion.   

PipeTobacco


 

 

Wednesday, May 07, 2025

Trying to Find Calming Waters


 

Things are still difficult, and I am still feeling considerably on edge much of the time, but I am back to continuing to seek more "calming waters" and to try to manage all this stress with hopes that it will eventually dissipate and I can feel back to "normal" ..... hoping this is not some sort of NEW normal.

I ran outside today, and that was helpful.  It was extremely sunny (rare here), and I was a bit concerned it might have been hard for my eyes, but I wore a pair of prescription sunglasses and tried to not run directly into the sun, so it went ok.  

I believe I have my new class that starts next week, up-to-snuff electronically.  There probably are a whole helluva lot of date typos, so that may be a hassle, but in the greetings e-mail I sent out to students I informed them that during the first week or so of class they may get updated versions of things if I find errors.  So, my bases are covered, even though I have to find the time to look through things again with a fine-toothed comb.  

In this week off between classes, I should (fingers crossed) be able to go to the Retiree's Cigar Group at the appropriate time and see everyone.  That should be very nice.... I hope.  I will probably get some ribbing from some for being away, but hopefully I will be able to just take it in stride.   And, perhaps it will JUST be fun and enjoyable. Who knows?

Unfortunately, this is about all the time I have to write, as I am still knee deep in the process of building presentations for the presenting students.  I hope perhaps to get it done today (again, fingers crossed) so I can let that stressor go as well.  

PipeTobacco 

Monday, May 05, 2025

Very Hard


 

It was a very hard weekend.  

Grades are due for my 200+ students.  The new semester (accelerated pace) starts in less than a week and so I have to have those materials (electronic, paper, etc) all ready.  Problems arose with the family member I do not speak about here but they have been really damn hard. My MIL was experiencing weakness and much greater dementia when we visited Saturday evening.  I was very concerned. I am struggling to get talks together for the four research teams presenting at the regional conference in about two weeks.  

I am getting inundated by many e-mails (perhaps ~35) of the 200+ students this semester, whining about there grade prospects and asking for "extra credit or "anything"" that can help them get the grade they want versus the grade they have earned.  Three of these e-mails were from students (especially notoriously bad students) who attempt to "PUSH" at me with statements akin to "....well, you didn't reply to all my previous e-mails" (there was ONE prior e-mail asking me to open up 15 different electronic assignments for her and I ignored it as she had NO REASON other than her choosing to not do them at the appropriate  time....and it CLEARLY STATES in my syllabus, and I say it aloud at least four times during the first week of the semester..... I DO NOT REOPEN ELECTRONIC ASSIGNMENTS) or "...I think it is unfair you asked this, and this assignment of us." (they are easy to earn points if the student does them and end up helping ~95% of students course grade).  Both of these students are REPEATING the course as they failed the first time.

When (the fortunately VERY, VERY FEW) students attempt "bullying" tactics like the two above..... it makes my blood boil, and I would LIKE to reply back to them in a "fire and brimstone" or at least "snide and snotty" fashion telling them basically to go to hell.  But, that would be both unkind and wrong.... and also damn foolish on my part.  So, I have let my e-motions about that simmer and cool down before a write a brief, terse reply explaining that their "request" is not possible.  I am glad the VAST MAJORITY of students are not like this, but the two or three that can be are memorable.  

In the above, I actually WILL reopen assignments for students who have a LEGITIMATE reason (like a medical issue or a death in the family..... BUT NOT because they forgot or didn't want to do the damn thing at the time it was due.  These electronic assignments are only worth perhaps 2-3 points each (in a class with over 1000 points to earn) and are a pain in the ass to open up for individual students, often taking 10-15 minutes for each student.    

Trying very hard to focus NOT on ruminating was easier said than done this weekend.  I was emotionally at my end.  I cried a lot.  When I could, I slept a lot.  On Sunday, I had a splitting headache like with my TMJ acting up.... but more than usual.  It was all along the right side of my face, eye and upper skull.  My right eye was feeling extremely light sensitive.  I felt like I was having a panic attack.  My wife thinks I may have experienced a migrane as these were similar to the symptoms she has experienced when she has had a migraine.  I slept and cried, on-and-off for about 2-3 hours on Sunday afternoon.  When I got up, the light sensitivity had decreased some, and so had the headache.  But, I was still emotionally and physically completely exhausted.    

Fortunately it was heavily cloudy outside and I wore sunglasses.  My wife and I went across town to the cemetery (where my parents are and my FIL (my wife's dad)).  We went there specifically to clean the headstone of an elderly friend of ours who lives (now) about 3 hours away from the cemetery.  She is almost 90 and is in frail health.  She had always been faithful about bringing flowers to her Mom and Dad's gravestone..... and with Mother's Day coming up, and with her very likely not being able to come to the cemetery due to her health at the moment.... we went out to the cemetery with a flowering plant we bought for her Mom's headstone for Mother's Day.  We did this so we could take a photograph, and then print it and send it to her, so she would see that we did this for her so she would know her Mom did receive flowers.  Because of the harsh weather (still frost sometimes at night) we took the flowers back home with us so they would not freeze and will bring them back the day before Mother's Day to leave there (and I will be bringing a plant for my own Mom as well).  

On Thursday, I did go to the "Retiree's Cigar Group" but because I was even later than usual, none of the group was there.  I tried to read my book (I am re-reading Huxley's "Brave New World" at the moment.) but my heart and mind wasn't into reading. .  I was also ahead of the evening crowd, so I had the place to myself.  My mind kept going into rumination, but I kept trying to steer my focus onto my phone or at least onto the cigar.  But.... overall it was not as wonderful as usual.  

I am sorry for my own whining.  But, I need this place to be able to try to express when I feel, good or bad.... to help me.  

PipeTobacco