The Void

I feel as if I am currently in a VOID.  I do not really feel happy, nor sad, nor angry.  I kind of feel nothing.I do what I have to do.  I put on an "animated" face while teaching, but it is a facade. I run, but only to get it done.  This has been the routine for the last two weeks, at least.

Not much else to report.

PipeTobacco

Ultra Tiny Bullet Points

Sometimes it may seem surprising, but with a relatively busy schedule to begin with, having a "day off" due to illness, like I had last week, can be akin to throwing a monkey wrench in to the gears.  This is what I am finding at the moment.  

My day off, though necessary as it was (since I could not talk in the slightest), and even with still working on my infernal computer while I was sick at home to try to do things I could.... I am still feeling a rather exponential ratcheting up of the things I need to do.

Hence, I am writing here today in brief bullets (or what pass as "brief" for me, anyhow):

• With Tuesday being this semester's BUSIEST teaching day (Thursday is pretty much the same TEACHING level, but with my not scheduling any research or service work AFTER lecturing on Thursday (due to the Retiree's Cigar Group), it feels LESS busy..... Today (Tuesday) has been exhausting as I have have to be especially lightning sharp, focused, and vigilant on everything I talked about to try to get back on track.
• The three, ninety minute lectures I had today revolved around a) the cellular processes of how muscle tissue contracts and is regulated by the biochemistry of the neuromuscular junction, b) a lecture about the neurophysiology of hearing (auditory) and the neurophysiology of our vestibular system (the portion of the ear that perceives balance, body position, and movement), and c) an extensive lecture on the physiology of the nephron (the tubulature within the kidney that obtains cellular wastes to concentrate these wastes into excretable urine).  In this lecture, I especially focused upon the role of specialized, high pressure, fenestrated capillaries in the glomerular capsule that is the physiological junction between the circulatory system and the urinary system.  
• While lecturing, I wrote with 5 different colors of markers (three of each color... spread across the 30 feet or so of white board I have in the big lecture hall, projected perhaps 60-70 different PowerPoint images on the giant screen above the white board).  Three of my markers gave up the ghost so I had to dispose of them while in class, and I also had to replace a battery in my electronic pointer/slide advancer as it gave up part way through the day.  
• My voice is tired.  
• I am still feeling frustrated that I had to skip last Thursday's Retiree's Cigar Group (even my typical late arrival this semester) because of my damn illness.  I have been already looking forward to going, come hell or high water this Thursday.... again, regrettably late, but with the hope one or two stragglers will still be there.  
• I sent out information (that I just received) for a next batch of research talks my students may potentially wish to pursue with our research.  This Conference is in May.... so we will see how many take the opportunity (with my help) to submit an abstract for consideration.  In the last go around, I had six groups submit an abstract and all six were accepted.  
• "Tacos" tonight for dinner.  "Tacos" is a bit of a euphemism for what I make.  I actually make a) two robust, super low-fat bean burritos on extra-high-fiber tortillas, two super low-fat bean toastadas (using smaller extra-high-fiber tortillas I bake to crispness so they are virtually fat free), and a taco salad (extremely low fat, bean forward, but also with a bit of diced chicken) that is in my usual salad mode..... made in a 8"x8" glass baking pan and piled high to be bigger than my head.  I will feel pleasantly full.
• I do not know if I mentioned that when I was sick I missed some running.  This discombobulated me somewhat.  I have ran consistently yesterday and today, and with such, I feel more up-to-snuff.
• I have been fussing with my pipes a fair amount in the evening the last couple of days.  It feels very good to hold and manipulate them.   I even filled a bowl of one with some lovely pipe tobacco (Three Star Blue, Iwan Reis), but after a few minutes knocked the leaf out back into the canister as I was feeling a rather too pointed and vivid urge to grab my Zippo as well.  It would have been very easy to do.  
• This time of year, the weather is SO frustrating.... beautiful (in the high 40s to maybe 50 for one day) and then a plunge back to below freezing for 3-4 days. It is POSSIBLE, tomorrow may be another day we MIGHT reach 50.  

 PipeTobacco  

Struggle

 

After last Monday's post, I started to not feel particularly well.  By Monday afternoon I felt really awful.  

The difficulty seemed to be my TMJ, so I just kept trying to persevere.  

Tuesday was much worse.

Wednesday was horrific.  Very significant pain in my ear.  Nearly unbearable TMJ.  A sore throat that was sharp every time I tried to swallow.  And, I began to lose my voice.  At the end of the day, I went to a regional "Quick-Med".

They checked me out.  They did a throat culture for Strep Throat.  They looked at my ear.  They told me I had a SIGNIFICANT ear infection (throat culture was negative for Strep).  They gave me a prescription for an antibiotic, and I went home.

We have a bit of a pharmacy issue in our region as so many pharmacies have closed in the last several  months.  I went to the Walgreens in my area, and there was a line of at least 30 folks (and also a dozen additional folks in the prescription "Drive Thru".    I was feeling so bad, I could not imagine waiting what would have been at least 90 minutes at that pharmacy with folks coughing and hacking.  So I went home.  I phoned my wife to see if she might be willing to stop at the pharmacy when she went by there on her way home, thinking by the the backlog would be gone.

My wife came home and reported longer lines than what I had experienced, and she said she would go back later. Fortunately this is a 24 hour pharmacy, and so, she tried again ~10pm..... to no avail.  Then she went back around 1:00am and only had to wait around 20 minutes.  So, I had my first dose, in the middle of the night.  

Thursday, I was still feeling so, so sick.  So, for the first time in about 10 years, I ended up calling my secretary and asking her to put cancellation notices on the doors to my classrooms on Thursday and to tell them (my students) on this sign to look for an e-mail from me.  

I basically stayed in bed from Wednesday afternoon through Friday afternoon.  By then, I could feel a lessening of the pain and discomfort.  The antibiotic seemed to be doing its thing and my ear pain had regressed some.  

So, today I am back, playing catch up.  

PipeTobacco

What Has Been Up

I apologize for being away for a while.  A number of things have kept me from writing here.  I do REGRET not writing for this time.  Here is a summary:

• A major factor was related to the research talks I had been working with my researchers for their talk at the conference that occurred.  It was, truthfully, a fairly "all consuming" activity with my having a quite large cadre of researchers at the moment.  Thankfully, all SIX talks went very well and it was a great experience for them.  But, I had shunted so much of my time the weeks prior to the conference towards helping them, that I fell behind in a whole helluva lot of grading.  
• As a result, I did not get to simply "relax" at the conclusion of the conference, but really needed to jump back into lots of fussy grading (especially of my ~200+ students various writing assignments). 
• Lent.... DECISIONS (which I will write about later).... and also considerably more activity that I needed to engage in both during Masses but broadly at our new parish outside of Mass as well.  
• Medical challenges related to my MIL, my SIL, and my wife.... NONE WERE SERIOUS (thank God), but they each needed time.
• Medical duties related to our puppy (silly, I know.. she is now 13, but I think of her as a puppy still).  I am now giving her supplements of glucosamine chondroitin to help keep her joints as strong as possible, as recommended by our veterinarian for her breed at her age.  But, it was a bit of a task as the veterinarian only had supplements in the form of tablets.  And, our pup is not a good girl in terms of taking pills, even if hidden in a hotdog or peanut butter..... she easily finds the tablet and leaves it behind.  She is also rather new-food averse so she is somewhat guarded about foods that are not her normal dog food.  So, I had to search for an appropriate liquid variant, and had to experiment to find a way to get this liquid into her normal food in a way that she would not become food averse to because of the odor change.  I have developed a technique of coating her kibble in this liquid in a way that it gets absorbed, but at the same time does not change the normal odor appreciably and she willingly gobbles it down.  It has been only around 10 days thus far, so it may be my imagination, but she seems more limber already.  

The above hits MOST of the salient reasons I have been away.  But, I needed to be back here, as I felt the loss of you, my commenting friends, and I also felt the loss of having this space to get things out of my head that I needed to write out regarding things I try to not talk about excessively in my day-to-day existence.  This space really is important to me for I can freely express more of my own inner world... my uncertainties, my worries, my plans and my hopes.  

By the way:

• Running has continued, unabated.  It helps me to ameliorate stress and anxiety.  I have worked to reshape my mindset about running to be a "joy" in that I can do it, compared to the "task" to just get it done because I should do it (which has been my mindset for probably the last three months).
• My weight has remained stable at my preferred "dead center" BMI.  I seem to have turned that around successfully, and I am feeling relief being back into the more simple maintaining of my BMI.    
• As you may already anticipate, pipes and pipe tobaccos are still ALWAYS in and on my mind.  I think that I have finally, somewhat grudgingly accepted that this is likely immutable for me, no matter how I did not think this would be so.

PipeTobacco

• 
  

Uhm?

I just heard how tRump treated Ukraine’s delegation and President Zelensky.  I have no words.  

(sigh)

PipeTobacco 

Exhaustion

 With ALL the work I have been doing with my students to prepare for this conference, I have difficulty explaining how UTTERLY tired I am.  It has been very much a condition of close to non-stop work and effort other than a late dinner in front of the tv with my wife before bed.  

I may be exaggerating a bit.... but IT HAS BEEN MUCH BUSIER than is my comfort zone.  

Last night, I ended up Zooming with some of the researchers until 2:00am.  

I was so tired this morning, I did not run.

I need rest and relaxation.

PipeTobacco

Beautiful Dream, but Odd

 

I am still completely in a state of feeling "wiped out" pretty much every waking hour.  Fortunately, all the student's research talks ARE up-to-snuff.... but a number of teams are excessively nervous and want MULTIPLE practice sessions with me (at this late date).  So, I have a variety of other commitments as a professor (teaching, exam prep, and all the usual.  So I listed available times I could "Zoom" with my students to let them practice their talk with my guidance.  I have running Zoom sessions all afternoon, and have three scheduled between 11:00pm and 1:00am tonight as well!

I chose Zoom meetings for this all week, as the students are all the hell over the place in different locations across most of the day.  Some are nearby on campus, others are off in the field somewhere doing other things. And, of course in the latter part of the week we are all traveling to the conference.   

And, even though I originally stated the couple of openings I had for EMERGENCY NEEDS ONLY on Thursday (I am part of the Executive Board of this conference and it meets in the evening Thursday), I already have TWO of the three "Emergency" late night spots taken on Zoom as well.  (sigh).  

A dark, heavy, robust IPA (or perhaps two) will be damn pleasant at the end of the day, Friday.

BUT.... onto my very entertaining DREAM!!!!!  It was quite odd in many ways, but still it was wonderfully fun:

For some reason, which I do not recall, I was in Puerto Rico.  I have NEVER actually been to Puerto Rico, but I have always thought it would be a fun place to visit.  My wife and I were staying in a beautiful condominium apartment that was way up high, perhaps along the 10th floor or something.  It had a beautiful, expansive balcony.  

In my dream, I was running one of the mornings we were there, and I was running on a path along the beach.  And, from looking on my phone that morning, I had found that Puerto Rico had only ONE pipe tobacco shop (although it did have dozens of cigar shops).  I ran by the street the pipe tobacco shop was located and decided to go from the trail to the street to go see what the shop looked like.  I ended up finding the shop when I was back in the middle of the "downtown" area.  I went inside, and apparently the shop was just opening for the day, as I was greeted by the owner who was rather loud and boisterous.  He greeted me with robustness as I entered.  He sported a very dark, bushy mustache and was tall, and round as a barrel.  He was wearing a wide brimmed hat.  

I was in my running clothes, and was sweaty as hell.  As is my norm, when I am running, I have my phone in an armband/pouch that I wear on my upper arm.  This allows me to use the gizmo earplugs that I can wear while running and listen to music (most of the time Gregorian Chants or other Catholic Music as I am typically praying the rosary during my run) or listen to a Capuchin Mass.  

But, for whatever reason, not logical in the least, In addition to my phone that was in this armband/pouch, I also had one of my Peterson pipes, and I pulled it out and showed it to the fellow.  He laughed, and looked at it and then reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the SAME MODEL of Peterson pipe as mine, just with a darker walnut bowl color compared to mine.  

We laughed.  

But then, with this dream being disjointed in a lot of ways, suddenly (I did not seem to dream through (or at least did not remember) the details) I had agreed to help the guy out and run his pipe tobacco shop for a month while he was working on and finishing his new cigar store that was on the other side of downtown.  He had a scheduled opening date 5 weeks out and was so far behind, that he had to devote all his time to getting the cigar shop up and ready to open.  He had agreed to pay for my condo for a month and to provide me a reasonable wage as well. 

I was excited and yet nervous about the news.  I was running back to the condo, trying to figure out in my mind how to tell my wife this sudden news when the damn alarm woke me from my dream.  

It was a nice dream, but very all over the map in timing, and in focus.  It was odd.  Maybe I ate too many types of salsa on my taco salad last night?  I actually put four different types on it..... salsa Verde that I had made (and froze) from our garden's tomatilos , Pace traditional, a Fresh Market, sweet onion salsa, and another Fresh Market pineapple/jalapeno salsa?  Maybe the too diverse array of flavors added to the chaos of my dream?  

 PCS - 8..... I am stuck here it seems, at the high range.  

Contentedness Score - 8.... I can FEEL the end of this week approaching and it feels good! 

PipeTobacco