Sunday and a Bit Better

For the last several weeks I have been in a very bad mental state.  It might be seasonal affective disorder, or it may be that I have just been too damn busy with a boatload of crap I did not cause but have the requirement to fix at work.  It really doesn't matter the root cause.  But today, I was able to clear my head a little bit and I think I feel as if I am going to be on an upward swing as far as my mood goes.  I hope I can keep the focus I have to keep things in this happier state.  I sure as hell hope so.  For the moment, as far as my pipes go, I am going to give myself a bit of a break.... no longer am I going to beat myself up over every pipe.  I am going to work at reducing, because I want to quit, but managing to keep a focus on being happier in life is the most important thing at the moment.

PipeTobacco

Right Now

After a few libations with my elderly father in law, I have decided for the evening to not give a hoot about my pipe quandary.

I am sure tomorrow I will see things more as they really are, but for tonight... It will be pipes as desired.  

I am still disgusted with myself, though, even with each delightful bowlful of the nicotinic leaf.

PipeTobacco

Bust

My pipe is still in my hand.  I am angry and disgusted with myself for my failure.  Unfortunately, I am, sadly,  also relieved as well to still be smoking my pipe. 

I am at a loss at the moment on how to make progress.  It is embarrassing, frustrating, and angering.  I hate myself for not doing what I said I would do.

PipeTobacco

Trying to Prepare

With Lent only a few days away, I am trying to prepare myself for the pipe fast. I feel nervous, but I want to figure out a way to have this success.  It is rather disconcerting and a bit frightening to me.

PipeTobacco

 

Obsevvations

In thinking and contemplating my pipe consumption, I have determined that there are two pipes of the day that I believe will be my most difficult in tees of emotions about giving up.  While I typically smoke six or seven pipes a day in my current average, two have always been particularly noteworthy in terms of being constants that I relish more than others.  These two times are my first pipe upon awakening.  That one seems logically obvious for many reasons.  The second one however is the pipe I have upon arriving home each afternoon.  This afternoon pipe is perhaps the most challenging time as it has always been a sort of reward for accomplishment and also a transition to being home.  There are of course a myriad of potential ways I could try to divert my thoughts at these two times, but I j ow they will be my biggest hurdles.

PipeTobacco

Gearing Up

I am pretty sure I am going to work on giving up my pipe for Lent.  I am thinking and planning how to do this successfully. February 9th is not far away.  Part of me is hopeful I can get this to work and it will be good for me, but a big part of me is nervous as hell about it.  I have to figure out a way to be able to do this without becoming ornery and angry to actually be successful.

PipeTobacco