Potentially "Playing With Fire?"

 

I was perusing the Internet looking for interesting things to potentially do in Des Moines when I get there Friday.  I know I will be trying to get to the Ethiopian restaurant they have, and I am hoping to go to one of the two Indian restaurant's they have.... BOTH of which still have a lunch buffet!!!!!!  Lunch buffets at an Indian restaurant are a SPECIAL treat as you can sample small bites of MANY of the wonderful foods of Indian cuisine.  None of the local Indian restaurants in my region have had buffets since Covid.  

Obviously, I am going there to do work related to the conference I am attending.  It is an interesting research focused conference.  So, a lot of time will be spent there.  However, my time IS a bit more flexible there than was in the team/collective writing project I was at in Chicago in December.  

So, as I was perusing the Internet, it occurred to me to look up pipe shops in Des Moines.  Well, there wasn't a helluva lot.  Sure, there were probably a dozen "head shops" for folks indulging in that greener leaf, there were several of the "tobacco shops" that sell cigarettes and vaping supplies, and there were even vape and cigar stores. 

But.... there WAS one seemingly ALMOST traditional pipe tobacco shop that I DID find.  It is called David's Fine Tobaccos, and has been around since 1956.  From what I was able to glean online, it appears to be a RELATIVELY traditional, old-school pipe shop.  It even has a space that is their "lounge" that looks more like a classic small diner with several tables and chairs.  From the history I read, the place has had to move around a lot.  It was in the center city, then moved to a Mall during the heyday of malls, and now it is seemingly located in a relatively new building that appears to be located at the cusp of suburbia and the edges of the city's rather elite Drake University.    The “almost” aspect is that it also appears to sell hookahs and the tobacco that is used with them.  That isn’t necessarily a problem, but I am unsure if the clientele will be traditional Eastern European, Middle East, and Western Asian folks (good) or more “head shop” type folks (not so good).  If hookahs are a large part of the business, I hope the clientele is of the more traditional folks.  

I also explored how to get there, as it is not really within normal distances to the main city, and especially not close to the Convention Center where my work is occurring.  What I found is that Des Moines apparently has a pretty good and well established bus system, and it appears that I SHOULD be able to take a 20 minute bus ride and get off about only ~1/2 mile from David's Fine Tobaccos. 

* * * 

Now...  After concluding my story of my Chicago trip, a friend and reader of my blog (who I happen to also know face-to-face) asked me if I had smoked my pipe beyond that one bowlful in Chicago.  I assured him that the answer was "No.".   I do admit that a few times, especially immediately after Chicago, I did want to throw in the towel.  The bowlful I had in Chicago was truthfully wholly wonderful and amazing in every way I could hope for.  It was, BY FAR the most exciting experience while in Chicago.... and overall Chicago was a good trip in many ways.  

But... even though it WAS hard, especially at first when I got home, I did succeed in returning to the fast.  I have not smoked any more pipe tobacco since that beautiful bowlful.  I had assumed folks would realize this as I had continued to put up my PCS scores.  

* * *

So, in a nutshell... as I prepare to head out tomorrow, I am considering taking a trip out to David's Fine Tobaccos while I am in Des Moines... and I am considering taking one or perhaps two pipes with me.  It has been three months since I had the bowlful in Chicago.  I am thinking this may mean I MIGHT have found a way succeed TO HAVE an occasional pipe, but not fall back into the old level of my pipe smoking, which was wonderful.... but caused me worry and anxiety that was NOT wonderful.  

So, not sure if I will have time, but if I do..... I may take a trip there.  If the ambiance and the opportunity is even only 1/5th as "urbanely bucolic" and simultaneously invigorating and thoughtful as was Iwan Ries.... it may be a delightful way to spend a few hours in the afternoon or evening one of the days I am there.  

Again, it has been three months.  I am thinking I have proven to myself I can do this.  But, I may both literally and figuratively be playing with fire.  I do not really know.  I would be more than happy to hear comments or advice.  

* * * 

• Ran 10.5 miles this morning (~17 km) this morning.  The new shoes are finally starting to feel normal.
• PCS = 8... I would LOVE to have a pipe.
• Family..... everyone appears to be STABLE at the moment.... even my BIL.  He had a rough evening two days ago and I was thinking he'd have to head back to the hospital.  But, has been feeling pretty average since then.  
• All has been quiet on the "person I cannot talk about here" front as well.  That has relaxed my disposition appreciably.  

PipeTobacco

P.S.  The fellow pictured at the top of this post IS NOT me, of course.  And, my beard and mustache are considerably longer, more wiry/bristly,  and fluffier than that now..... although for perhaps at least 30 years the length he displays WAS the length I aimed for as well.  The fellow is a person from the London Pipe Club, and I remember reading something about him several years ago in one of the pipe magazines I was glancing through at.... a pipe shop.   
 

PipeTobacco 

Vegan Carnitas?

 

 

I received an invitation "requesting" my attendance at a U function a bit ago.  It is a dinner that is given for undergraduate students who have completed their work in the Honors College and are set to graduate at the end of this semester.  Admittance to the Honors College is quite a feat, and completing all the additional scholastic, research, and service components to receive the special designation of an Honors College graduate are significant.  So, these are damn good students. The number of students in the Honors College is quite small at the U, perhaps somewhere in the neighborhood of 35-40... those that ARE selected ARE exceptional.  

The dinner is for these students and their parents (or significant other(s)) so they can celebrate.  And, it is also often a time for the parents (or significant other(s)) to meet the professor who guided the student through their research.  Attending as a professor is somewhat like being a caged, zoo specimen, on display for the general public (parents, or significant other(s)) actually DO sometimes gawk at a bit. Over the years, I have had parents (usually Dads) often jokingly ask if I was "the mad scientist" who guided his child... or if I could do "this-or-that" sort of outlandish scientific thing they had recently heard or read about somewhere.  

Over the years, I have had a number of these undergraduate HC students and they mix well with my main research students after I help them get up to snuff.  This year, I have TWO undergraduate Honors College students who are set to graduate this May.   So, I will need to attend.  

But, what was interesting about the invitation was..... besides responding that I will attend.... I have to choose the dinner option I would like.  Currently at U functions, there is usually:

1.  A "traditional" meat and potatoes sort of option.

2.  A "typical" vegetarian option.

3.  (Relatively new to campus) A "gluten free" option

4.  (Again, also relatively new to campus) A fully vegan option.

I usually select whichever option seems the most "odd" or most "exotic" of whatever the options are.  I am what could be classified as an "interestivore".... if I see interesting food of any ilk, I will eat it.  

In this menu listing I received, options 1 & 2 are quite MUNDANE and BLAND this year, and option 3, while interesting (it is a cauliflower "steak" covered in Alfredo sauce and comes with a variety of sides), I do not really feel in the mood for Alfredo at this time of the year.  To me, it feels more of a "deep winter" flavor.... and I am damn tired of winter.  But, option 4 is "vegan carnitas" which intrigues me.  Carnitas are usually sort of like a pulled-pork dish, often eaten on tortillas like would be a soft-shell taco.  I selected 4, just because it seems the most interesting, and I look forward to seeing how this is "pulled" off in a vegan way in a few weeks when the event occurs.  

* * *

• Ran 11 miles this morning (~18 km)
• My new hoof covers still feel odd and I am nervous about having a trip or fall while on the track.
• For the last several weeks I have been drinking my iced coffee spiked with a shot glass's worth of sugar free hazelnut syrup.  I have always loved hazelnuts (aka filberts).  Hazelnut syrup is not quite really "hazelnut flavored" but is damn good in its own way
• PCS = 8.5.  At this level, I do easily drift off into memories of especially beautiful bowls of pipe tobacco I have had in the past.  Today.... I can attest that I did this numerous times. 
  

PipeTobacco 

Feeling Bushed

 

It has been a very hectic and busy day.  Not only did I have to do my own 4.5 hours of BIG VOICE lecturing, I had to "pinch-hit" and give another 1.5 hours of lecture for a fellow in the Department who was ill:

Lecture 1 - big discussion of the physiology and biochemistry of how neurons transmit messages.  Part of the focus involved the internal relay of signals via the activity of voltage-gated channel proteins and another facet was focused on intercommunication between neurons via neurotransmitter release and post-synaptic signaling.  Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this lecture involved how I worked students through the process of how anti-depressant medications such as Prozac, Zoloft, and others of similar ilk alter the synaptic spaces in regions of the hypothalamus.  

Lecture 2 - An extensive lecture on communication behaviors in various animals.  I especially focused upon signals associated with reproductive success and with mating.  A few highlights included descriptions of the male and female sexual behaviors of the rat and their linkage to the hormonal profile they experienced in utero and post-puberty, a discussion of the parthenogenic Whiptail Lizard that is able to reproduce without sperm and egg fertilization and how females share and alternate female-typical and male-typical reproductive behaviors during their sexual activity.  I also highlighted concepts of foraging communication in terms of the dance language produced by worker caste female honeybees to teach other foragers about food source distances and orientations.  

Lecture 3 - A broad based lecture on the nephron, the structural unit of the kidney that is responsible for collecting and concentrating cellular wastes into what we ultimately express as urine.  Perhaps the most interesting side-topic within this explanation of the physiology and biochemistry of the process was in describing zonally where bladder cancers are most likely to erupt and the ecological/environmental causative agents that elevate the risks for such cancers arising... along with guidance for these students on how to best guide their future patients on how to decrease these risks with simple daily actions.  

The above three were my typically classes for the day.

Lecture 4 - was for a colleague who was also  talking about the nervous system.  

Unfortunately, he approaches the topic very differently than I do.  I am (in all of my courses) focused on physiology and the processes that guide and shape how a function, or a tissue, or a behavior DEVELOPS.  And, how that development will ultimately shape health and wellness (in the human based courses) or survival and fitness (in broader based courses that include non-human animals as well as human animals as subjects).  

My colleague teaches very differently.  He is more of a "plug-and-chug" sort of fellow.  He basically presents an array of facts.... often a scattered array.  He is much more of a "detail-and-minutia" sort of fellow where I am most assuredly a "big picture/conceptual" fellow.  So, in order to give a lecture to his students in the same vein as to what they are accustomed to, I basically took his PowerPoint slides and did my best to be minutia focused.  His lectures are rather on the "dry" side.... no segues, no "big picture" ideas, no extrapolations of detail to a bigger whole.  

So, I did that.  Yet, by the end of the lecture, I was dead-dog tired. Rolling through slide upon slide of disjointed minutia wears out my neurons and makes me weary.  I could not help myself.... I added several appropriate segues and real-world examples to try to tie concepts together.  I am sure I did not travel through as many slides in my substitute lecture as he would have done.  He often just reads the details he typed onto each slide.  But, I did my best in doing it his way to not disorient the students.  

I tend to think that each of us is wired to either be a splitter (minutia detailed) or a clumper (big picture/conceptual).  I have LEARNED both sides of this "coin" in my specialty fields..... it is really a requirement of the doctoral experience.  And I can teach both sides.... but my preference, and my teaching joy comes from teaching big picture/conceptual ideas.  At least at my U, I think more students appreciate my style as my courses are almost always maximally full.  His classes tend to offer students more "elbow room".  

* * * * *

• Ran 11.3 miles (~18km) this morning.  
• I was feeling a bit off in my cadence.  I kept worrying I was going to catch my toe and take a tumble.  A large part of this is due to my trying to break in a NEW pair of the damnably expensive sneakers I run in. 
•  I finally had to admit I needed a new pair after hitting a grand total of 2,015 miles (~3,242 km) on my prior pair last Friday.  
• Most "experts" recommend changing running shoes every "500" miles, but that is only realistic for Mr. Pennybags in Monopoly.... not normal folk. 
  
• During the weekend, I grudgingly forked over the $110.00 required for the new hoof covers I ran in yesterday and today.  
• Even though this new pair is the exact same type and size as the old pair ( I had to search high and low for them too, because there is a "new-and-improved" (read.... even more pricey) model of this shoe at most locations. 
  
• Their newness felt odd on my feet, and it usually takes some miles to get them broken in properly to the idiosyncrasies of your feet. 
• Today, my wife and I are hoping to (in perhaps half an hour) go swimming!  It will be an utter joy to immerse in that water, and wash away at least the outermost layer of my tiredness.  I always feel much more vibrant after swimming.  
• Tried making a list of items I have to remember to take for my trip to Des Moines later this week.  I am trying to pack light, and my goal is to have everything I need in the one carry-on so travel will be easier. The list is woefully incomplete at the moment, as I was interrupted by roughly 10 or so students across the small amount of time I had to be at my desk.   
• PCS = 7.5.  It has hovered and persisted at this higher intensity level for months..... I would have to look back, but I think it has been basically sitting in the 7-9 range consistently since AT LEAST late October.   
• Dinner tonight is tacos.  I am so famished, I am going to make my ENORMOUS taco salad in a rectangular cake pan so that I can fill it to the brim and beyond!  Happily for me, my taco salad (the way I make it) is 100% fat free….. well….. damn close.  There is a bit of fat in the black olives I throw onto the salad.   

PipeTobacco

Bon Vieux Temps - E

 

With all the things that have been going on in my day-to-day life since that trip to Chicago back around December, the memories seem almost surreal now.  Yet, the memories of the trip also still remain extremely vivid in my mind.  With that, I am hoping to below, capture and conclude this memory.  I had actually been planning the end to be "Bon Vieux Temps - D" back when I was writing that portion.  However, I accidentally caused the story to "publish" with some odd keystroke combination I did not know about.... while I was in the middle of a sentence.  So, in the below, the italics at the start is where I had left off in  "Bon Vieux Temps - D" so that there is a bit of context while I continue.  Of course, if interested, you can go back and visit the entirety of the remembrance if desired.  The links to each essay is also listed below:

"Bon Vieux Temps - A"

"Bon Vieux Temps - B"

"Bon Vieux Temps - C"

"Bon Vieux Temps - D"

I walked over to the display of the estate pipes for sale.  There were many beautiful pipes there, several were of a similar brand and style to what I had at home.  Still holding the stem of the pipe between my teeth, I pushed the little blue box open, and saw the matches.  They were rather quite delicate.  Each wooden stick was significantly thinner than the typical kitchen match, and instead of a large red or green head, these matches had a rather small, bluish head on them.  

I immediately recognized that these matches were "Swan Vesta" matches, which are considered to be especially high quality matches.  They tend to be preferred by pipe smokers because they...

...  light quite easily.... and because they have an especially small head, so that when igniting they do not have much, if any, sulfur odor (think of the common kitchen match.... it has a very large head, and when it lights, it takes more effort and it also has a significant sulfur odor associated with it).  While Swan Vesta matches could have any of a variety of head colors, there was really no mistaking the smaller, yet denser appearing head of the Swan Vesta.  I was  not surprised at all that Iwan Reis would choose this brand of match to have its own logo on the striker box..... everything I saw about Iwan Reis spoke of integrity, care, and quality.   

I reached into the box and took out one of the blue-tipped matches, and then slid the striker cover emblazoned with the blue Iwan Reis logo back over the rest of the matches.  I angled the striker plate upwards in the palm of my hand, and started to bring my other hand, gently holding the match towards the striker plate.  

Yet, I paused.

"Should I really do this?" I thought to myself.

Obviously, I truly WANTED to indulge in the bowlful of "Three Star Blue" pipe tobacco.  The aroma of the leaf was beautiful, ephemeral, and wholly enticing just in the jar, and I had also been further enticed by the elevation of that aroma as I had gently pressed the beautiful samples of the crumbled leaf into the bowl of my pipe.  It was THIS vivid and delightful even WITHOUT the flame imbued into it..... just the THOUGHT of actually drawing a flame into a bowl of this leaf sent a shiver of excitement down my spine.  

But.... might the enthrallment I felt at possibly smoking this bowl of pipe tobacco truthfully be the indicator of WHY I had damn well better avoid doing so?  If just the THOUGHT of really indulging again created such a visceral pleasure in me.... I could only imagine what pull, what siren-call I might feel after indulging..... I did not know if I could stop at one bowl.... or would I plunge head-first back into my prior indulgence levels?!?  

At the point of my trip, it had been damn near FIVE years since I had last smoked a pipe.  FIVE YEARS!!!!!!   That length of time sounded BOTH... repressive, shocking, and somewhat disturbing.... but also somewhat of an accomplishment... when I was a young lad, if I would have ever had the thought about this.... no way in hell would I have EVER imagined being able to go FIVE years without a pipe.  

My back was to the fellow who provided me the bowlful of "Three Star Blue" so I could not tell if he was watching me, or if he had gone about some other tasks.  I was holding the matchbox in one hand, striker plate up...... and the match in my other hand.  "What do I do?" I thought in my mind.  In case he WAS watching, I PRETEND to glance upward a bit as if I am staring at a few of the especially pretty Petersons higher up on the wall in front of me, but really I had my eyes shut tight, as I often do when I need to think, need to reason through a difficult question, difficult problem.  I try to negate all other sensory input to just THINK it through.   

.... I think and debate in my mind....

.... I think some more.....

..... And, I think some more....

I reach a point where I feel like a damn fool.  I open my eyes.  I look downward, and I gently squint my eyes until they focus more fully on the task....... I bring the match to the striker plate....... and every so briefly scrape the blue head of the match against the striker....

The head instantly flares.....  but after a brief moment, it quickly settles down to have a gentle, yellow flame rising from the end of the matchstick. 

As the stem of my pipe was already gripped between my teeth, bringing the lit match towards the bowl was actually a reflexive action on my part, it was very nearly autonomic in me. That THIS movement happened nearly SUBCONSCIOUSLY.... without a conscious "decision" from my mind..... unnerved me a bit... well...  QUITE a bit.

I quickly shook the match.  The flame died out.  The wood of the match emitted a wisp of smoke as the flame died. I tossed the match into the ashtray on the counter in front of me. It landed next to a large, grey ash someone must have tapped off of a cigar earlier in the day.

Now I was actually feeling rather agitated at myself. 

"What the hell was I doing?" I thought.  

Part of me was angry at myself for going through the folly of this damn trip to Iwan Reis.  I did not KNOW if smoking my pipe would send me down the "road to Perdition" akin to "falling off the wagon" after all this time, where I would easily and quickly schlump back into all of my old habit, and have a return of the damn guilt, the damn WORRY, the damn anxiety.  But, another part of me was chastising myself, calling myself "a Chickensh*t!" like used to be the common epitaph thrown about in the schoolyard of my youth when you were being goaded by others to do something against the "rules". Both the thoughts of "Perdition" and of being a "Chickensh*t" reverberated though the hollow of my skull traveling simultaneously through the billions of neurons encased in there all at once.   

….

….

….

I grit my teeth... well.... I grit my teeth as best as I could as I was still gripping the stem of my pipe between my teeth.  I am sure I DID add a little bit more "chatter" to my stem from the tight grip of my teeth. 

….

….

….

(contemplating)

….

….

….

I slide open the matchbox again, and extract another match.

Just like a few minutes before, I barely had began to rub the head of the match against the striker and it immediately flared.... and quickly calmed to a gentle, yellow flame.  

I then CONSCIOUSLY brought the match to the bowl of my pipe, letting the flame hover a bit above the bowl of leaf.

I paused.

I paused a bit more.

Then I..... 

….

….

….

.... drew on the stem.  The gentle flame inverted and was pulled into the bowl of the pipe and began its magical mixing with the leaf.  I tamped the top of the bowl gently with my fingertip and then brought the flame back above the bowl again, and drew again on the stem.... a few times.

I could taste and feel the gentle smoke enter my mouth from the stem as a "cherry-colored" ember of leaf and flame was created in the bowl.

It was....

....

....

....

..... utterly BEAUTIFUL!

The flavors were vivid!  Like burleys in general, there was a beautiful hint of nuttiness in the flavor,  But it was delightfully complex as well, with an aspect that had an essence that was of the flavor of some sort of fruit, perhaps citrus. It had an aspect that reminded me of nutmeg as well.  And, there was a bit of a peppery bite in the flavor as well.  

As the flavors percolated throughout my mouth with each draw on the stem, I felt more at home, more content, and more at peace than I remembered in quite a while.  Retrohaling a bit of the smoke through my nasal passages and out my nostrils revealed more flavor as well, with a greater presence of the citrus and pepper in ways so very pleasant.  I closed my eyes, this time to concentrate more on the exquisite, yet ephemeral experiences.  

I could feel my shoulders relax, hell my whole body felt calm and serene.  Of course, the gentle effects of the combusted nicotine exerted a little bit of that effect.  And, can freely say I enjoyed that.  But, by no means was most, nor even a robust fraction of the beauty of this experience due simply to a bit of nicotine in my system.  I had tried that route fore a few days when I first, foolishly thought when I laid down my pipes, that one of those damnable "e-devises" would help me wean away from my pipes. It was never beautiful, nor serene.  It was just...... nothing.  

But this, this bowlful of "Three Star Blue" WAS SOMETHING.  It was an incredible synergy of experiences of flavor, taste, olfaction, and neuronal stimulation that  roused my mind, roused my spirit, heightened my senses, heightened my awareness, gave me comfort, helped me feel WHOLE.  

Each draw on the stem was a rich cornucopia of delightful treasures.  My mouth and nasal passages were bathed in the gentle flavors and they lingered and reminded me of so many moments from my youth through a lot of decades.  An analogy that seems apt to me.  If you have ever worn a pair of tightly laced shoes across the span of a workday..... think of the feeling that you get when you untie your shoes and slide your feet out of the damn contraptions.  Think about how free your feet feel, how flexible they can be, and how much cooler and relaxed they feel.  In some ways, that is how my whole body felt during this beautiful, richly flavored, immersion into my pipe. 

At the moment, I cannot describe it any better than this.  It was.... just.... tranquility and contentedness.... but even those descriptors do not do it justice. , wit

I turn around, pipe clenched in my teeth, and head towards where I had left the salesfellow earlier.  

"How do you like it?" he asks, his eyebrows a bit arched.

"Wonderful.... in EVERY way!" I firmly state, with a wide, furry-faced grin splayed across my face.  

I thank the fellow, and pay for the 7 ounce can of "Three Star Blue" I had left at the counter.  I tell him that when I next get to be back in Chicago, I will be SURE to visit again.  

"Great to meet you."  he says.

"Same here!" I reply.  

Although I covered the bowl of my pipe with my palm as I rode down the elevator to exit the building, when I reached outside, the ember was still smoldering, and I was able to happily smoke my pipe all the while as I walked back to the conference center.  

As I approached the conference center, I could tell my pipe had been just about spent.  I looked into the bowl, and touched, and felt the powdery whitish-grey ash collapse to the bottom of the bowl.  Not even a crumb appeared to have gone unsmoked.  When I was just about to climb the stairs of the conference center, I gently knocked the beautiful ash out of the bowl of my pipe.   I put my pipe back in my backpack I was carrying.  

I made it back to the meeting only about ~15 minutes late.  The groups were still yammering about lunch and my lateness didn't matter one bit.   I sat down next to one of the folks in my group, getting ready to begin the next session of work.  

She looked at me.

She sniffed.

Then she asked a bit hesitantly, "Were you.... smoking.....?  Smoking..... pipe tobacco???"

I said, "Yes."

"My grandfather used to smoke a pipe when I was younger." she said.

"Ah." I said, "..... Mine too, and my Dad as well."

Then the conference started back up.

* * *

• 10.1 miles this morning.
• SIL continuing to recover well, no sign of infection
•  BIL seemingly to remain "ok".  Will not talk about whether there is blood in his stool.  I suspect there must be, but he is just thinking about not being in the hospital.

PipeTobacco   

 

 

Response to my "Unknown" Friend

 In my comments, my friend who goes by "Unknown" asked me a question:

"Do you have a deep distaste for even the most necessary and helpful of confrontations?"

I can answer that I AM confrontation averse.  That is true.  But, I WILL confront folks when I feel that to do so is right, correct, and/or needed.  But, even in those situations, it DOES cause me significant worry and stress... even though I know I MUST do it, and NEED to do it.  

In regards to the situation with the reader at Mass..... there was absolutely no need for me to engage in confrontation with her.... as I was FINE with reading, but I was equally FINE not reading that vocal passage.  It truthfully did not matter to me.  

It DID matter to Father.  I can understand his reasoning, but in reality, over the many years I have been lector, there have been MANY times where the reader was of a different gender than the biblical character who was "speaking".  So, for me.... there was NO benefit to be confrontational with this other reader.  She is actually a very nice person.  She just has a trait that is a bit bossy at times, and that is widely known across the Parish.  

So, I was fine with reading, and fine with not reading.  I was NOT needing to be confrontational for something that was not my edict. 

* * * 

As far as the person I do not mention..... most of the interactions I DO have are on the "confrontational" side as I am attempting to get this person to think logically about some damn critically important things.  It is enormously taxing on me, though, and after each interaction, I am completely emotionally drained and physically drained as well.  But, again, I do not get into any specifics here any longer.

* * * 

Other updates:

• Still running as usual.  Hit my 50 mile plus (~81km plus) goal this morning, so I can take two days off.
• BIL was discharged without any endoscopy (neither upper nor lower) like he should have had.  The hospital said they did not want to do the endoscopy because he was found to have norovirus.  There is no reason to avoid endoscopic examinations due to norovirus.  I think they did not have a bed (due to nurse shortages) as he was in the ER observation the whole time.  I am anticipating he likely will have further bleeding and/or a redevelopment of pain and will likely be back in the ER this weekend.
• SIL had a reasonably good report at her doctor.  The doctor is planning to keep the amputation stitches on for at least two more weeks, but fortunately the wound has no sign of infection.
• MIL seems fine now related to Covid, so that is good.   
• I feel like a robot.  I do not seem to have any opportunity to NOT be doing something that someone else needs.  I guess my run at 6am every weekday morning is "for me" but, the rest of the day.... not so much at least the last several weeks.  It is wearing me down mentally and emotionally.
• I have to fly to Des Moines at the end of next week.   

PipeTobacco

Fragmentary

I have been away.  It has been difficult.  Life feels like I am mired in quicksand.  Not much time, so a brief list of bullets.  I apologize if some of this may be redundant.  I did not check what I last wrote:

• MIL acquired Covid.  She recently came out of isolation.  During isolation was difficult because of her dementia. Fortunately, her Covid symptoms stayed mild. 
• I know I already mentioned the garage door opener breakage.  That took a lot of wind out of my energy as well.
  
• SIL was hospitalized.  She had a foot infection.  The clinicians said it had spread to a bone, and part of her foot had to be amputated.  The infection is related to the neural and vascular decline in her extremities due to poorly regulated diabetes.  The amputation was very traumatic for her and for all of us, especially my wife.  My SIL is home now and recuperating as best as she can.
• Spent most every day and evening last week (other than class, hospital visits, limited sleep, 6:00am running, and Mass) working well into the post-midnight timeframe with students in order to get them prepared for this past weekend's research talks they were to give.  
• Went to the Conference (and the Executive Board Meeting of the Conference).  Chaired my section and listened to a lot of research talks, including my student's talks (some of which were in my section, a few in other sections of the conference).  I had to apologize and scurry to another building twice during my section to go hear my own student's talks.  I am fortunate that the vice-chair of my section actually attended the afternoon session this year (in the past, she has been rather spotty about attending).  So, when I had to scurry away, she took over for those brief periods.
• The conference was ~4.5 hours away by vehicle.  That meant I did a numbing 9 hours of driving in the span of a few days.  I am not fond of long-distance driving..... especially since I have been refraining from my pipe.  
• Our priest caused a "kerfuffle" at Mass.  We have a variety of folks who read the first and second readings at Mass.  We have laypeople do this, and the Priest reads the Gospel reading prior to his Homily.  Our priest wanted an especially long reading of the "blind man" passages this past weekend and wanted to have this Gospel read with voices of Narrator, Blind Man, and Christ.  Normally when this happens (usually near major Church holidays), the readers of the first and second readings divide the Gospel's narrator part and the Blind Man part (or other part if it is a different reading) and the Priest reads the portion where Christ speaks. One lady who is  a regular reader was one of the people designated for reading the first reading and another lady the second.  But, Father spoke to his secretary and asked her to tell ME that he SPECIFICALLY wanted ME to read the part of the Blind Man.  He wanted a deep, resonate, male voice for that part.  The secretary texted me that information.   However, one of the two lady's who was set to read then non-Gospel readings is a person who is a little bit "bossy" and she decided that SHE and the other non-Gospel reader would decide which of THEM would read the part of the Blind Man.  Honestly, it made no difference to me, so I said.... "Sure."  I knew it would keep the peace as I know how rather grumpy this one person gets if her idea is not adopted.  It was not any big deal to me.  Father's secretary heard our conversation and went to let our Priest know of the change.  Father was NOT happy.  He came to me and said that he wanted ME to read (for the reason I stated above) and that he was going to go and talk with the "bossy" lady.  I actually asked him to NOT do this, as I knew it would cause her to get actually grumpy.  But, he was insistent.  He went over and talked to her, and she WAS grumpy.  I am not sure if she is grumpy at ME or our Priest, or BOTH.  I will see how it goes this weekend.  I am hoping she is not irate at me.  I was not involved in this, other than to read the part Father had asked.  
  
• The meeting preparation put me behind in my grading of exams. I am now working late, late into the night to get those caught back up too.  
• During this time, we had TWO unfortunate challenges with the person I can no longer talk about here as well, which made things even more stressed.  
  
• NOW, as of this morning, my BIL was admitted to the hospital today.  Significant blood in the stool.  Stool is pitch black, suggesting an upper gastrointestinal cause.  He is scheduled for an upper GI and a lower GI tomorrow.  He is in significant, unremitting pain.  His abdomen is distended as if he were carrying a pregnancy.  CT scans show no blockages.

I am tired of stress.  I am tired of worry and anxiety.  I am tired from less sleep than usual, and usually I am under-rested.  The above is a brief glimpse into my life since I was here last.

PipeTobacco

Brake or Break?!?

 

A brake can be something to help stop a vehicle, but there is also the alternate spelling of "break" which is somewhat different.

A "break" can be a time away, a peaceful refuge, a time for quietness, or a time for frivolity.

And both "break" OR  "brake" can can be used in different contexts to relate to the snapping of wills, the collapse of energies, the disassociation of thoughts due to exhaustion.

Technically, we are in the midst of "Spring Break" at the U.  

Unfortunately, this "break" is not going as I had envisioned. I had HOPED for a bit of down time, and a bit of relaxation.  Unfortunately, a variety of situations have prevented that vision from occurring:

1.  My elderly mother-in-law's Covid.  VERY FORTUNATELY, she is only experiencing very mild PHYSICAL symptoms of the pathogen.... a bit of a runny nose a bit of a feeling of tiredness.  Rather UNFORTUNATELY, a pattern is seeming to be occurring that when my MIL has some sort of illness/situation that causes a bit of an inflammatory response (like happened when she fell, and now has happened with Covid).... it causes her memory to return a fair amount (a good thing), causes her to be more interactive (also a good thing), but also experience hallucinations (a very bad thing).   In the case of Covid, she is required to be alone in her room, with her room door shut.  This also aggravates her as she likes her door open and likes to interact with other people in the hallway, and she and her two neighbors leave their doors open like this 95% of the time.  It has been rough goings on since the diagnosis.  My wife goes to visit her (wearing an N95 of course and takes a shower upon return home), but the visits have helped but she cannot be there 24/7, nor would I want her to be, and worries about her getting Covid are stressful.  And, worries that Covid could also transmit to me are worrisome, especially with the upcoming research meeting I am attending with students

2.  Preparing my students for this meeting is also not going as I had envisioned.  It has been a lot of long, more arduous work than I had been hoping for.  It has been causing me quite a bit of disgruntlement and stress. 

3.  My wife's work with her siblings regarding my MIL's house has been chaotic, as now one of them is wanting to NOT prepare the house for sale and it is causing more stress 

4.  My wife and I had PLANNED to take a day trip to the Capuchin Retreat Center we like that is several hours away.... on Wednesday.  We had both blocked our schedules to be free.  Tuesday, mid-morning, my wife was leaving to go to my MIL's house to meet with the siblings, and as she was leaving, she pushed the garage door closer in her car, and the door closed... only half way.  She kept pushing the button and then got out to investigate.... and the mechanics of the garage door opener were smouldering!  She ran into the house and in a panic ran to my den, where I was working on things for this upcoming meeting.  Of course, I ran out with her, saw the smouldering mechanics, and had to act... I got out a ladder and unplugged the damn contraption from its plug in the garage ceiling.  It stopped smouldering, fortunately.  My wife went to her Mom's house, and I had to try to troubleshoot.  I played around with the mechanism a bit, and everything was free moving, so I plugged the damn thing back in and it started smouldering again.  I unplugged it and called the garage door people we have used for a couple of decades.... they set our appointment for WEDNESDAY, negating our trip.

5.  I figured the door opener had gone belly-up and was not repairable.  It was 45 years old, so it had served its job well.  I also new it was of a manufacturer that was no longer in business (I had worked to get new remotes for the opener a few years ago, which was very difficult) so replacement parts would likely be non-existent.  

6.  Waiting around for the door repair folks all day Wednesday was not fun, and as expected, the mechanism was no longer repairable.  They then showed me models to replace the device, and I picked a pair of a medium priced model (we have two single garage doors, and like to have our remotes with two buttons so we can control both sides.... so the opener on my side of the garage would also be replaced... it too was 45 years old, and although working fine, we did not want to have two remotes in each vehicle, and with the age of mine, it was likely not going to work too much longer anyhow).  

7.  They scheduled this installation TODAY.  It has been a most-of-the-day affair.  I have been trying to do work while they work, but I have been unfocused and out-of-sorts, so I was not particularly productive.  

8.  Between late night tonight and tomorrow (Friday) we are scheduled to get ~7 inches (~18 cm) of snow (sigh).   So, tomorrow will be spent with much of the day having me dig us out.

* * * * * 

• Ran 10 miles (16 km) this morning.  I am a little bit ahead, so IF I can get to the track tomorrow, I only need to run ~7 miles (~11 km) to complete what I need to hit my weekly goal.  Hopefully I will be able to get there.  
• PCS = 8 again.  Just a strong desire to have a pipe and enjoy how it is helpful in letting me relax a bit.  Sometimes I wonder if I should just "go with the flow" and do what I hedonistically want to do.  I feel discouraged about life at the moment.  So, that may be part of it.  
• My work was so tedious and not what I wanted to do, that I found all sorts of distractions to avoid doing it.  I did have fun, however, on a comment board I used to participate in a great deal.  I really should NOT have been involved with it today, but I had been meaning to return to this board because I did miss the camaraderie.  

PipeTobacco

Just Plugging Away....

 

It has been a rather disjointed and dis-articulated last few days. I have been paddling like a frantic dog just trying to keep my head above water:

• Thursday, I spent every moment I was not in class "big voice lecturing" on trying to revise and update my vitae.  I was able to get the beast done and sent out by 4:27pm.... it was due by 4:30.  It is now current, and is 14 pages.  Now that the damn thing is out of my hair, I will simply sit back and see how it goes.  It would be rather nice to be recognized.... but as with most things at the U, it is also a rather "politicized" sort of thing.... it may very well be that someone who plays the political game far more elegantly than I is already earmarked for the award and my and other's vitae's are being requested simply to "legitimize" the competition as a facsimile of an actual "race".  I despise political wrangling, and am therefore not considered an "insider" to the powers that be at the U, so if the award is being used as a political tool this year, I haven't got a chance.  But if it is an actual award this cycle, I *might* have a small chance.... although there are some folks here who are very strong.  I often think I am more akin to whom Foghorn is describing in the above image.
  
• Friday, I spent the entirety of the day writing out new exams for all of my courses and updated the electronic classroom materials for all my courses.  I also built an array of PowerPoint slides for a cadre of my research students to take as a template to develop the specifics of their upcoming research talks they are preparing for. 
• Saturday, even though we had a fairly large snowfall Friday evening, I ended up on a bus Saturday morning, and traveled half way across the state to a Community Band Festival.  This event is somewhat akin to the Solo & Ensemble Competitions and School Band Festivals  that are a mainstay of major events for students who are in high school band.  However, this Community Band Festival is an annual event that draws in most every regional and local wind band, wind ensemble, etc from across the state for performance and competition.  I and the other members of our band boarded the bus around 8:30am and spent the non-travel times listening to other community bands, performing our own concert, receiving a formal critique of our work, participated in a teaching session for us as a community band, and also had a specialized teaching session based on instrument group (I was in the woodwinds group, of course).  We arrived back at the parking lot ~9:00pm and I drove home by ~9:15pm.  
• Sunday, besides Mass, my wife had to go to her Mom's house as the siblings were yammering and wrangling to try to get my wife to move onto cleaning and ultimately selling my MIL's house.  My wife has been against this, because she did not want to upset Mom, but one of the siblings demanded something be done about the house and that this sibling had "talked to Mom" and she was "a-ok" with it.  I (very happily) was NOT invited to participate as it was meant to be the siblings alone... no spouses.  While my wife was a way, I worked at cleaning our house stem-to-stern because a variety of house messes had accumulated and general upkeep had gotten away from us during the last several days.  As you might be able to anticipate..... the gathering that my wife had with her siblings was not a smooth, silky, "kum-ba-ya" sort of affair.... and is typical for such an activity, my wife came home angry, in tears... and was rather grumpy at me and at everything.  
  
• So, now my wife is back at my MIL's house with her siblings again, today, Monday.  We will see how that goes, although I am expecting a repeat of yesterday.

  So, other than that..... lets see:

• I happily hit my mileage goals for the week, last Friday, and had two days off.
• Today I hoofed 10.5 miles (~17 miles) on the track, and was there at 6:03am.  I listened to Sunday's Capuchin Mass and prayed the rosary while I ran.  It was not the most rapid nor joyful run for me today.  I felt sluggish.  I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  Even though emotionally, I had been feeling more positive the last several days, this morning..... I felt blue and out of sorts.  I tried to sort it through in my mind, to little avail.  I tried to focus on the Capuchin ideas of living a life of gratitude.  But it did not really stick well, this morning.  
• PCS = a surprising drop to a "6".  This means that if I actively think about my pipes and pipe tobaccos, they seem enjoyable and fun, and I would willingly participate.... but... thoughts of my pipes and pipe tobaccos do not right now enter my mind.... unless I purposefully think about them.  In other words... for whatever reason, today, I am not having unexpected thoughts/memories of my pipes randomly jumping into my mind's field of view today.

 PipeTobacco

Addendum.... just as I was getting ready to submit/publish this to blogger... I have received a phone call from my wife.  My MIL has tested positive for Covid... in the weekly test all residents must take.  (sigh) 

Hmmm.... Nice, But...

 

Yesterday, late into the afternoon, I received an e-mail that was both pleasant and yet also adds work to my already busy plate.  I received an e-mail that told me that I was a finalist in the major research award that is given at the U.  Apparently some cadre of folks at the U nominated me, and a preliminary perusal of my research by the awards committee suggested to them that I was to be one of these "finalists" which means I am in the finalist group of three that this committee pares down to from all the folks who had received some minimal number of nominations.  The last time I heard about how this secret committee works, they apparently would do this preliminary perusal for anyone who received at least five nominations.  Being a finalist (the group of three folks who are finalists) means I would have roughly a one-in-three chance of being chosen for the award (depending upon variances of U politics, of course).

So.... while this is pleasant news.... I am happy to be considered a finalist.  It does add work to my plate, because the committee has asked for an up-to-date vitae from the finalists, and it needs to be turned in by the end of the day, Thursday (today is Wednesday).  Unfortunately, I am not always that "up-to-date" on keeping my vitae polished and ready to go.  At this stage of my career, the need to provide a vitae for anything is near zero.  I have been promoted to full professor long, long ago, and really now-a-days the only "vitae-like" document I ever need is an ABBREVIATED vitae that has to fit in its entirety on two pages.  These abbreviated vitae documents are what is requested in every grant application I have submitted in AT LEAST the last 15-20 years.  

But, the U Committee is requesting a FULL vitae.  That document will likely be at least 10 pages in length, but I have not updated the one I have in at least 10 years if not longer.... so I have a helluva lot of work ahead of me to get it up to snuff.

Part of me has been thinking about the various homilies I have been hearing since Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. Most of the homilies I have been hearing speak of the sin of pride and the virtue of humility.  In some ways, I am wondering if I should simply decline to submit my vitae.... it would be in keeping with those ideas to a degree.  But, part of me also thinks it more likely would better represent my inherent laziness, because I do not want to update my vitae.

But, I guess I *should*  submit the damn vitae since it was asked for.  I will try to eek out some time (which is very limited) to update it and then submit it.

* * * * * 

• I was able to hoof out 11.2 miles (~18km) this morning.  It feels nice that I am a *little bit* ahead in my progress to my weekly goal of 50+ miles (80 - 82 km).  And it is always VERY nice when I hoof the last step in the run for a day.  
• PCS = 9..... A deep.... DEEP yearning for my pipes and pipe tobaccos today.  I must have been having some rather long and detailed...  and vivid pipe smoking dreams last night, for I can recall three different, very brief snippets of dreams from last night.  In each, I was smoking my pipe.... but in each snippet I was smoking a DIFFERENT pipe.  And, in each snippet, I was wearing different clothes.  Each snippet that I remember seemed only a few brief seconds long, but the different pipes and different clothes have me guess each snippet may have been a longer, much more elaborate dream.  And, the cravings are such right now, that if I give myself a few moments to let my mind wander and not stay on task..... I am quickly and deeply into a daydream of smoking a pipe..... and I can feel myself salivating like a Pavlovian dog (although I do not drip... as I keep my mouth tightly closed... remember, I have TMJ).  
• I also wanted to thank Anvilcloud for the link to the photograph he provided.  I saw it just a few minutes before writing this blog entry today.  It is a very artistically pleasing photograph, and you are correct, the subject matter is indeed of interest.  I have a pipe of a similar shape/style as his.... but mine is stained a lighter color.... unless the darkness of the bowl is merely a result of subtleties  of the B & W nature of the photograph. 
• My wife & I are set to go to our Parish’s first "Wednesday's of Lent" soup supper...  including a film and discussion group session afterwords. 

PipeTobacco