Numbers

Two "milestones" to mention today:

1.  Today was the 3,616th day in a row where I walked or ran at least 5 miles without missing a single day!!!!!  I am fast approaching the 10 year mark for this behavior.  I hope I make it.

2.  I have now passed a full 1/2 of a year (6 months) without smoking a pipe. 

Again, neither of the above really has any value or bearing on much of anything relevant, I know.  I realize in the greater scheme of things, both are truthfully rather inconsequential.  I mention them both, however, because they are meaningful to me, personally.  Both help me feel like I can show commitment to something, and help me to see I am capable of purposeful consistency. 

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Pat McDowell's Comments

A few days ago, Pat McDowell raised some very interesting and valuable points to me in the comments section.  Pat asked me why I still have my pipes and tobaccos?  The thought was that I should either get rid of them if I am hell bent on quitting for good or I should simply go back to smoking a pipe.  I think the questions and ideas are valid ones and I can understand well the suggestions. 

However, for me the answer lies elsewhere, and not at either end of the spectrum.  While many would agree with Pat and say I should throw all my pipes, my tobaccos and other associated materials away to help me continue to refrain, I do not find this a comfortable or appropriate choice for me. The pipes are "old friends" that I have had for decades and to toss, sell, or in any fashion "get rid" of them feels inappropriate and sad to me.  Each pipe has a story and each pipe reminds me of many different aspects of my life.  They are also, at least in my opinion, quite beautiful, each akin to a work of art.  I like looking at them.

In a similar vein, I can understand the idea of saying "to hell with quitting" and simply going back to the hobby/habit.  Believe me, I can understand this well.  It was something I enjoyed greatly and still think about quite regularly.  It would be easy to go back to my prior ways. 

Yet, at least for now, I do not.  I do believe I am doing something good for my physical health by not smoking a pipe.  Whether refraining hinders or helps my emotional health is up for debate. :)  But, I do believe that from a physical standpoint, it is probably a good idea for me to refrain. 

I also admit that there are a few current factors that I believe had made me more capable of refraining that in other attempts I half-heartedly tried before:

1.  The Lenten Vow *was* very helpful to me during my early period of when I stopped smoking my pipe.  The Lenten Vow was akin to a mission that I needed to accomplish.... I needed to do what I said I would do.  It helped me push through some very rough times. 

2.  The lack of local pipe smoking friends.  During earlier decades and even just a few years ago, I still had local pipe-smoking buddies and friends to commiserate with.  Currently, I have no such friends.  When I would smoking my pipe I ended up being a "lone wolf" sort of character.... which in some ways was "ok" but truth be told, it also felt isolating and alone.  This is not really a "peer pressure" sort of emotion (even though it could be read that way), because no one bullied me in any sort of fashion to refrain.  It was a choice I made, but I do admit a part of why I made this choice is that I did feel a bit alone.  I guess I am not much of a "maverick" "lone-wolf" sort of fellow at heart. 

3.  The unfortunate passing of my dear friend and father-in-law.  I do, very deeply miss our chats and our discussions, and I miss our times of libations and pipes together.  With his passing, those times have abruptly ended, and I do feel that loss greatly.  In some ways, a lot of the joy and value of my pipes and pipe tobaccos diminished with the loss of this great friendship. 

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So, it may seem to many that I am in a state of "limbo" (a good "old school" Catholic term) in regards to my pipes.  But, I guess for me, I do not ever think there will be a time where I would want to shed myself of these pipes nor the pipe tobaccos and other accoutrements.  While I may plan to not use them again, I do not feel it is correct for me to simply excise them from my life.  In the same way I keep the signed copy of a Kurt Vonnegut novel I doubt I will read again (I was able to have him sign the book when I attended one of his public speaking engagements many, many years ago.), I keep my pipes.

*    *    *    *    *

Will I go back to  my pipes?  I cannot say.  In a perfect world, I would never have left them.  But, in the real world I live it, it seems best to be away from them now.  Perhaps in the future, I will change my mind.  Yes, there is a risk that temptation may win out on my resolve.  It almost did so a few days ago (as my prior post mentions).  If I had a true "pipe dream" I would like for the current, real world.... I would be able to indulge in a pipe or two or three a month, and not indulge the rest of the time.  I do not know if I could realistically do that however.  I do not know if attempting such a pattern would be something I could muster up the resolve to do, or if it would simply be a slippery slope back to my prior ways.  I do think a lot about *if* that once or twice or thrice a month *is* something I could do.  I do not think I am strong enough in resolve to try that... at least at the moment. 

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Tarragon

My newest "fad" in terms of spice usage in cooking is with tarragon.  For some reason, even though I have used it in the past, it somehow feels especially fresh and enjoyable to use lately.  I have been adding it to all sorts of different dishes I cook or bake.  One especially noteworthy use I had for tarragon lately is in cornbread.  I made a Mexican bean dish for us for dinner last night, and I decided to make a different flavored cornbread.  In this case I used tarragon and crushed black pepper.  It was really good!

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Strangely Challenging Day

I am not really sure what it was about today, but it has been a helluva day to refrain from my pipes.  As I have stated before, it seems for the most part to have become managable to not indulge in my pipes.  I am soon to be hitting the 6 month mark of not smoking a pipe any longer.  But, even though today seemed generally like an average day, I have been having a lot of thoughts about my pipes and pretty strong longings to indulge in a bowl of burley leaf. 

In the mid afternoon, I even had it in my mind that I *was* going to smoke my pipe.  I grabbed one out of a drawer, and grabbed a pouch of pipe tobacco and my lighter.  I had plans to smoke some vanilla tinctured burley after I left for the day and started to do some errands.

Once I left, I was driving around, and I thought, well if I am going to do this, I should sit somewhere peaceful out-of-doors and indulge.  So, I knew of a place on my route that nice, and planned for that.  It took about 15 minutes to get there.  But, the day was quite hot and the bench I had wanted to sit at was in the baking sun, so that did not seem particularly appealing, so I decided to wait to find somewhere else.

The long and short of it, is that I spent most of the afternoon running a bunch of errands, and after not indulging in that park I like, I kept putting off smoking my pipe, truthfully NOT because I did not want to smoke, but because I kept wanting to get all the different errands accomplished while I had time.  I guess that turned out to be fortunate for me, because by the end of all the various errands, the urge to have the burley leaf had diminished enough that I ended up putting my pipe, pouch, and lighter away in my desk when I eventually arrived home.

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Camping

The family (and few groups of friends) all went camping for the last five days.  It was a wonderfully relaxing and enjoyable time.  Of course there were the requisite bug bites, rain, etc.  But, the reality was that those things were inconsequential.  It was wonderful and enjoyable to be with family in friends in the great outdoors and really have virtually no agenda or schedule except to relax, have fun, eat food, sit by the fire and relax.  A great time was had by all. Great company, great food, a great location, and a whole helluva lot of fun.

I also played it smart as well, regarding my pipe.  One concern I had would be that I would really want (and really miss my pipes) while we sat around the campfire late at night.  My pipes had always been a part of my "sitting around the campfire" experience.  I do admit that I thought about them several times, but the feelings were manageable.  I also had a strategy I adhered to as well.  As is normal with campfires and camping, there is often a reasonable about of consumption of "adult" beverages that occurs, and I do admit enjoying partaking in this ritual.  However, I also know that if I were to become a bit "tipsy" my desire for a pipe would increase dramatically and I would either become quite unhappy that I did not bring by pipes or I might even want to "bum" some form of tobacco from someone else around the campfire.   So, I decided to engage in relatively modest drinking and also restricted myself to light beer only. 

Our current tent is rather scruffy and old (as I guess I am too).  The one we have currently is already 16 years old.... but it held up damn well, even with the rain we had.  I have been fastidious with this one, however.  Unlike a lot of the previous tents we have had over the years, I have taken really good care about cleaning, drying, and gently folding this one after every use.

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