Absolutely Normal Chaos

 

One of my younger kids read the above book when she was a "tween" (I really dislike that phrase, but it is commonly used to designate a kid perhaps between 10-12 years of age.).  The book is quite well known in the young-adult fiction world.  I read it too, and it was very interesting and creative in a "coming of age" sort of genre book.  

I was reminded of that long ago book from the way I felt this morning concerning our situation.... it is "absolutely normal chaos".    My MIL seems to be relatively back to her usual self.  Her hallucinations have greatly diminished.  She has started a course of antibiotics.  But, the chaos of the last couple of days were disorienting in many ways, but..... here is the tie-in..... it seems like my wife and I are continually buffeted into something unexpected almost every damn day for the last few years.  It is exhausting.  We seem to live in chaos..... which is now our absolutely new "normal".  Whether it is my MIL, or my SIL, or my wife's brother.... or if it is one of our kids.... or our dog.... we nary take even a single step without there being some new "crisis" or other.   

It is difficult to fathom how this came about.  Is it just random circumstance?  Is it that we have done something gravely wrong and are being "punished"?  Is THIS what the AARP years are like for everyone?  All I know is that my wife and I feel quite exhausted quite a large percentage of the time.  

I overslept a bit and could only squeeze out 7.9 miles (~12.7 km) in the time I had this morning before HAVING to call it quits to have enough time to clean up and get to the U on time.  

Rather than complain about the current lot.  I am trying to focus on the positive.  Even though two dinners with my wife were kiboshed due to the needs of my MIL, I still focus on that mealtime opportunity with my wife to feel the love and contentedness.  I also do this anytime we are able to swim together.  A lot of my day is looking forward to the possibility of one or both of those.  I also try to focus on how it is actually damn fun to teach.  Especially when allow myself to get "worked up" in an animated way where I feel akin to a robust and wise "story-teller" from antcient times.  I can work myself up to jumping around, being quite demonstrative and being, even dare I say..... somewhat codgerly humorous in the classroom.  And,when I can successfully roll out a really good analogy of a real-world event/activity/item the kids know about...... and then reign them back in to how they relate to  detailed, rigorous science concepts to show them how the analogy represents a helluva lot of the key concepts of physiology they need to know.... but often equate with "dry toast".... this makes me feel good.

And, when I have a moment when I can daydream..... memories of the thousands of beautiful bowlfuls of pipe tobacco I have indulged in over the years are at my beck-and-call.  I have gotten so strong at the art of these memories that I can swear that sometimes I can almost TASTE the beautiful flavors and almost FEEL the gentle serenity and calmness the pipe and its gentle pipe tobacco ember can provide me. I am SO, SO hoping I get to go on this Chicago trip.  It gives me the perfect excuse to justify the indulgence in a bowl.  

I have to scoot to class.

PipeTobacco   

MIL

Late Tuesday, my MIL had to be taken to the hospital.  

After visiting my MIL with my wife Monday, we had a urine sample taken so that it could be assessed for potential infection (she often gets UTIs (urinary tract infections)).  We had been awaiting results (which are slower than they should be, IMO).  My wife called my MIL to talk with her in the late afternoon, and she did not answer, and her video monitor also was not turned on properly.  This made my wife nervous and she headed over there as I worked on finishing dinner.  

My wife called and said that my MIL had fallen in the bathroom and could not get herself back up.  This is unfortunately not unusual.  She uses a walker because does not move around much lately and unfortunately her muscles have atrophied as a result.  She used to be extremely active and would walk around everywhere before the dementia changed her mindset to NOT wanting to socialize.  In these last few years, the atrophy has made it harder for her to walk, and she does not walk far from her apartment room most days other than to the dining room and sometimes if she is dementia-cranky she refuses to go to the dining room as well.  

Unfortunately, she did not think to press here help button on her necklace, so she was sitting on the floor to her bathroom for some indeterminate time before my wife arrived.  She and a few workers helped Mom back onto her feet and she (using her walker) walked back to her chair to rest.  

All seemed "ok" at that point, but my wife stayed with her for a while.  Unfortunately, within about 1/2 hour, my MIL suddenly vomited.  THIS IS UNUSUAL for her.  And, it can sometimes occur if a person hits their head.  So, this really frightened us, and my wife decided to take my MIL to the hospital. 

After several hours into the early morning, my MIL had been examined, received an MRI and was discharged from the emergency room.  We still are unsure about an infection, but we believe it to be the case.  

She is now resting back at her apartment, but my wife and I are both exhausted.   We are not sure what may next happen.  Will Mom remain stable and potentially get antibiotics for a UTI?  Will other hallucinations occur?  Will she fall again?  We just do not know. 

* * * * * 

I forced myself to do 13.1 miles (~21 km) this morning, even though exhausted, so I could stay on track for the week.   

PipeTobacco

Long Day of Teaching Ahead

 

Yesterday in the very late afternoon, my wife and I went to the cemetery across town to pick up the Memorial Day flowers we had at our various relatives' grave sites.  This is something we have done for decades, and I did with my Mom & Dad before that as well.  

My wife and I went purposefully yesterday afternoon to try to assure the greatest percentage of our flowers would still be there.  The cemetery is often pilfered by some folks who want "free" flowers for there use.  Typically the pilfering is heaviest starting today, so that is why we went late in the afternoon yesterday.  We were able to retrieve 100% of our plants this year.   As is our custom, these plants then are used around out yard in various locations for the Summer to help remind us of the many loved ones who are no longer with us here on Earth.  

After getting the plants, we continued even further away from there to visit her sister (my SIL) and BIL.  We stayed and visited for about an hour or so.  My SIL had been feeling rather low due to her continuing medical ailments related to her diabetes (kidney issues, foot & bone issues, circulatory issues especially in her legs and feet).  She was happy to see us as was my BIL.  He is a really nice guy.  He is quite good at the guitar, although he does not read music.... he plays by a mixture of chord notations and ear.  He was happy to show me how he writes out the lyrics of the songs he works on and strums until he figures out the correct chord and then writes it above the specific part of the lyric where the chord progression occurs.  

* * * * * 

• With teaching starting so early (I begin "big voicing" at 8:00am), my runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays  during these sessions tends to be a bit truncated compared to what I try to evenly space out for the week.  So, today I managed to get up early enough to get in 9.2 miles (Just a hair under 15km (14.8km)).  I was happy to get that many in and still clean up and get to the U in time.  

• My MIL has been feeling off.... I am thinking she may have an infection.  I suspect my wife may be working with my MIL most of the day to try to help get this on the mend.  My MIL was having some mild hallucinations which seems to happen with her dementia when she has an infection.

• Just the POSSIBILITY to go to Iwan Ries and fully and completely and unabashedly indulge in a wonderful bowlful of pipe tobacco still is having me feel almost "giddy" at times.  If I DO get to go to Chicago, it will be such a beautiful way to spend some time.  To realize how happy just the THOUGHT of getting to smoke a pipe IS to me.... is something I find both interesting and perplexing as well.   I will likely (if I get to go) get another box of their wonderful matches as well.  When I was smoking a pipe every day, I only sporadically used matches, typically using my Zippo pipe lighter or my Nimrod pipe lighter as my preferred flame producer.  But on trips, since 9-11 occurred, matches or a disposable Bic lighter were used traveling because if the TSA would give grief, they could be tossed. 
  

This is about all I can get in before I have to get to class.

PipeTobacco

Routine, Comments & More

 

In my effort to try to find a way to see the positive sides of life (akin to what I alluded to a few posts ago about the fact that I get to do many of the things I DO enjoy, but that things often feel like such a burden), I am going to work to get back into a morning posting routine here like I have often had.  For the last several months I left my posting to be rather haphazard in terms of time of day, and this resulted in far more missed days as I became burdened and busy with various work things.  

* * * * 

More replies to comments (something I want to try to establish doing for comments once a week):

Margaret mentioned recently about the learning styles post that.... "(She) was close in every category except concrete random. (She does not) ever process concrete info in a random way. (She knows) this about (her)self; it's why in any group effort assigned a task, (she) tends to "take charge" and get everything (and everyone) organized. 

To me that is very interesting, as that organizing ability is part of the "Concrete Sequential" style, which has never been a strong suit for me.  I dislike attempting to get folks organized, and as my learning styles are (1st very strong "Abstract Sequential" and 2nd "Concrete Random") I actually tend to feel some discomfort in group work, and find organizing of group work to be mentally exhausting and sometimes a bit overwhelming. 

AC mentioned to me that.... "You seem to be carrying a heavy burden recently."

Yes, AC is correct in terms of his insight here.  It is difficult to try to talk about (part includes what I do not talk about here any longer) because no matter how I try to reason through it in my mind, I cannot discern any way to improve the situations nor how to even begin to address them in some fashion that would not be more problematic than helpful. So I feel very "stuck" without options.  

Pat mentioned a few posts ago about.... "...looking forward to news of your Thursday social occasion. You certainly benefit from whatever happy socialization you can find, so I'm hoping you didn't stay home and skip the event."  

Pat, I thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I do miss it when you are unable to post comments.  Unfortunately, as you likely read.... the looked-forward to venture to the retirees cigar group was something I unfortunately had to cancel due to other's needs.  It was a SIGNIFICANT disappointment to me.  I especially had been looking forward to it.  I was still unsure if I would have indulged in a cigar to better "fit in" or if I would have instead unpacked my pipe.  But, the loss of the potential camaraderie in either scenario was difficult. I am thinking/hoping that in July, I should have a few (perhaps even several) Thursday mid-day times free so I can traverse there to see if it is as enjoyable as I am anticipating.

Peppylady mentioned that.... "School schedule sure change over the years."

I think it is more that various schools adopt their own particular schedules.  In my region, most schools have a Fall and Spring semester and then one or two accelerated Summer semesters.  But, in my travels I have seen a WIDE array of different approaches.  

* * * *

• I ran 12.4 miles (~20 km) this morning.  I am trying to be more consistent in IMMEDIATELY getting up to get my run in too.  Some mornings I had been getting rather lackadaisical and sloth-like in terms of getting up when I should and this would then disrupt the remainder of my day.  I want to consistently roust myself out of bed at 5:00am at the latest again.
  
• Things are looking quite promising for the Chicago trip and I should know soon.  It would allow me to be in the delightful land of Iwan Ries on June 6th I believe.  I have already been experiencing considerable delight in terms of planning to take one of my favorite pipes with me to have the opportunity to have a blessed bowlful of some of their leaf.  The anticipation of the joyfulness of such an excursion is difficult to put into words with sufficient aplomb.  But the smile it brings to my furry face is palpable.  I can FEEL the difference in my countenance just thinking about it.  I guess that would seen odd to most folks, but it is wholly palpable to me.   

• While I always enjoy cocoa flavors in ANYTHING.... this past weekend I was able to have with my wife some delightful ice cream and in my order I had 1/2 of my ice cream be what is called "Bear Claw" which is a deep chocolate ice cream with chocolate covered cashews (the cashews are the "claws" of the bear) and the other 1/2 was moose tracks (a vanilla based ice cream, but with heavy (HEAVY) bands of the deepest, darkest chocolate fudge paste, small chocolate, peanut-butter cups and (in this version) small chunks of dark chocolate brownie.  Also this weekend I indulged myself in having a strong "cocoa" coffee.  I did this with some instant coffee that I made ~24 ounces of  VERY strong coffee and added three heaping teaspoons of extra dark cocoa powder to..... then I microwaved the hell out of it so it boiled well.  Then after boiling, I added just a bit of sugar so it could be tasted, a little bit of vanilla syrup, and then poured it over crushed ice to make a ~44 ounce iced coffee.  It was chocolately and rich.  I had it with breakfast Sunday morning.  I have also had cocoa imbued pipe tobacco previously.  Perhaps they may have such a blend when (if) I DO get to indulge in a bowlful of that cocoa tinctured leaf in the illustrious Iwan Ries?!?!  

PipeTobacco

A Couple of Comments, But Not All YET

 

First a few mentions from comments:

1.  AC mentioned that he was a very "concrete thinker".  These tests In various tests of that sort I have consistently been identifed as a primairly "abstract sequential" thinker and my secondary foci is "concrete random".  I think AC is referencing an aspect of the Gregoric's Style Delineator test that has been widely used to identify learning styles.  I tried to link to this test, but if you put "Gregoric's Style Delineator" into Google, you will see a link to the free, traditional test on the Loma Linda University School of Medicine.

In the many renderings of this test I have taken (and administered) over the years.... my primary and secondary foci have stayed very much the same.  In the image above you can see practices attributed to my primary learning style (abstract sequential) and my secondary (concrete random).... both of which score very strongly. My scores have always been consistent as well, and I have VERY low scores related to concrete sequential thinking and to abstract random thinking.    

2.  AC also asked about my teaching schedule.  I do not HAVE to teach in the Summer.  I do teach in the Summer because I receive considerable bonus pay for doing so..... and because the class I teach is both fun and easy to teach.  As you know, I am a bit of a penny-pincher..... but simultaneously a worry-wort about being destitute.  I think it was because I have always been a damn good listener, and I remember very, very well all the frightening memories and stories I heard from my Mom and my Dad and other Uncles and Aunts about how very hard it was to live through the Depression. 

* * * * *
I am running out of time today to write much, so unfortunately, I have to cut it short here..... I will comment on more comments tomorrow.  

A funny end note..... I am not sure HOW I do it, but sometimes (I did it today for example).... SOMETIMES I have an ability to do a rather strange form of "multi-tasking".  Today, I was able to lecture (and yes, even in an animated fashion) while SIMULTANEOUSLY also living in my imagination, recalling beautiful bowls of pipe tobacco that I had smoked.  When I recognize I am doing this, I feel rather amazed and cannot figure it out.   But, the desire for a pipe was VERY strong today, so I reckon that had some influence on my ability to do both simultaneously.  

PipeTobacco

Kumbaya

 

The word, "kumbaya" I found out, is actually an amalgam of three words originating from Hebrew:

"kum" - arise

"bah" - come

"Yah" - God (also in a longer form, Yahweh)

In the U.S. the three terms were slurred together as a part of the African-American song from times of enslavement in the South.  The song also gained additional focus as a folksong in the 1950s and continued to be quite prominent and associated with its use towards unification in various groups in the 1960's and 1970's active in progressive issues such as civil rights, voter's rights, and various other forms of political protest.

More recently, "kumbaya" has unfortunately become almost a term of derision.  It is associated in many contexts with having an overly naïve and unrealistic attitude about peace, harmony, and cooperation.

I mention the above because it was something I thought a lot about while running.  A big part of what I am striving to do mentally/emotionally is to try to change myself from within.  I have a tendency to be a rather anxious person.  I have a tendency to worry and have a tendency to ruminate over things.  Sometimes, during the last several days, I made a purposeful, conscious decision to NOT think about the many worries and anxieties I have (over work, family, all the same damn things you always hear me yammer about).  It was extremely difficult to NOT do this.  

The last two mornings when I awoke, I had a greater sense of this difficulty.  I am I guess, getting a bit more "self aware" and both yesterday and today.... upon awakening, I EVALUATED how I "felt" upon awakening, and in those first 15-20 seconds.... I felt pretty relaxed, calm, and dare I say, "happy".  But, then, the laundry list of tasks, worries, deadlines, looming potential dreads..... all flooded back INTO my consciousness.  

Then, while running, I tried to list in my mind, what are some of the things that I find contentment and joy in.  Thoughts that came to me included such things as a) I love my wife, b) I so enjoy teaching, c) I feel a joy in playing my instruments, d) I (had) experience(d) deep contentment with my pipes, e) I experienc(ed) comfort from my family, and on and on a whole list.  

And, you know what?  Most of the things on my LIST.... are things I DO get to do regularly (Unfortunately, that does not include my pipes, and it doesn't feel like it happens with some aspects of my family).  But...... many of the things I DO get to do.  

So.... that begs the question of WHY DOES IT FEEL SO DAMN HARD a lot of the time then?  

In part, I believe some is a result of a decreased feeling of CONTROL over WHEN I get to do these things.  They often feel more "forced" upon me and not of my own time in choosing. It seems like I have most things, most tasks THRUST upon me and I simply have to "deal" with them, if that makes sense.  

But, another part of it is my natural inclination towards rumination.  I have begun to TRY to break the thought process that is so ingrained in me to constantly be "observing and evaluating" everything from the moment I awake (well, like I alluded to above, after the first 15-20 seconds) and feeling worried and anxious from the get-go.

I need, I believe, to break that thought process.  I believe I need to become more experiential, and less observational and thought-focused.  Can an ancient, grey-haired old fellow like myself, do this?  I am not sure.  But, I am going to try..... try to disrupt that pattern.  

I have a lot more thoughts about this too, but I am trying to sort them out better to be able to explain.

* * * * 

Running was nice.

My amazing POTENTIAL event relates to a research project that I had a very minor supporting role in that was primarily the effort of a pair of younger faculty.  This wasn't a science study, but more akin to a pedagogy effort with a bit of philosophy thrown in.  Well, one of the two lead folks has found he has to back out of this presentation.  I was not going to be at this conference because my role was small (even though I am a co-author). But, now a second person is needed.  There is work afoot to try to get the ticket of the fellow refunded... if possible, and possibly send me in his place.  It looks like if I were to get a ticket, it would be ~$150 more than his was, but I think I could get the U to cough up that difference.  And, guess what.... it is in CHICAGO!!!!!!!   Home of the illustrious Iwan Ries!!!!!  If this all falls into place, I may be back in that beautiful city.... and its damn glorious pipe shop for a couple of days in early June.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.   

PipeTobacco 

Potential Opportunity

The timing and scheduling of how my Summer course runs is quite a bit different from the usual Fall and Spring semesters.  In my Summer class, for the several decades I have taught this course in Summer, the course is a continual, all-day affair on two days a week.  Basically, I hit the door of the classroom laboratory at 7:55am, and teach labs or lectures continuously for the next 10 hours.... with only two 15-minute breaks (in which this brief writing is one).  As I have gotten older, I find that I need to be cognizant of my pacing, so as to not become overly tired.  I still work to teach demonstratively and with gusto.... stomping about the classroom, and weaving big, boisterous analogies throughout my lectures, but I do so with a more careful plan so as to not be fully exhausted until the end of the day.    

 During the first 20 years of my time at the U, in Summer, I even added another course onto one of the days, so that I literally taught non-stop on that day for 14 continuous hours (with a total of 3 15-minute breaks) and 10 continuous hours on the other day.  The extra course was a graduate course for science teachers, and the U decided due to a period of declining enrollment (during a period when K-12 teacher jobs  for graduates were rather scarce) to cancel this graduate program.  K-12 Teaching Major job prospects are very undulating.... and I have seen them undulate from having a huge need/demand for new graduates to tremendous lows where our region has few if any jobs for new graduates.  And, this undulation has occurred several times over the many decades.  We are now in a period where there is again a HUGE demand for new teachers, and if our U had not been short sighted, we could now have a huge number of students again in that (now defunct, but excellent) graduate program.   

I hit the pavement to hoof out my 10 miles at 4:45am.  I got them all in before I headed to the U.

I am actually nervous to discuss it yet, BUT...  I *MIGHT*.... just *MAYBE* have an opportunity to have a damnably WONDERFUL pipe adventure coming up.... rather unexpectedly.  It is not a certainty yet, but.... the POTENTIAL of it had me filled with sheer glee and... if I had a tail like a puppy.... it would be wagging vigorously in utter excitement.  I am keeping my fingers crossed!  I may know more very, very soon!  

PipeTobacco

The Other Side

I am feeling like I am coming out from the other side.  "The Other Side" was a German novel written by Kubin, and I believe it was sometime in the late 1970s when I read a translation of this work.  It was quite dystopian.

The last two weeks have felt rather dystopian to me. A brief synopsis:

• due to a "crisis" not of my making, the person of whom I no longer discuss has found need to move into our house for an indeterminate period of time.
• due to a "crisis" not of my making, one of my research teams required my rearranging my very cramped schedule to assist them in obtaining/preparing/analyzing data for a research meeting.  This put the kibosh on my long hoped for trip last Thursday (correction…. two Thursdays ago…. I am losing track of time it seems) to the "retirees" cigar group I had been looking so forward to participating in.  
• a cadre of about a dozen students in my new class have been, how shall I say, "needy" in terms of a lot of their "electronica" for the course. I work damn hard to make sure the electronic media/assignments adopted for this course are PRECISELY set up with due dates, and every damn bit of minutia I possibly can identify so that students can utilize the system easily and efficiently.  I explain to them on DAY 1 that I have tested and retested all links, due dates, and functionalities of these damnable electronic assignments and that the WORK and are SET UP properly. I explain to them on DAY 1 that they MUST be responsible for their own awareness of due dates from the extensive, multi-page document I give them that outlines each and every damnable due date for the entire semester.  I explain to them on DAY 1 that I am unable to address individual computer conundrums they may face and that if they have trouble, there is a hotline they can call for computer issues..... which is NOT ME.   But, a group of about a dozen of them were so "whiny" with the hotline folks that the hotline folks have contacted me by e-mail at least a dozen times saying they are reaching out for "such and such" student because they have concerns.  I wrote to all these folks telling them (as I also told EVERYONE in the face-to-face lecture and lab sessions last week) that I do not have the fortitude nor time to figure out what is going on with their own individual computer.  This had some of the cadre "freak out" about the idea that they might get a "0" on a 5 point assignment that was coming due.  One five point assignment of this sort is ONLY 0.3% of the points they can earn this semester.  ONE THIRD OF ONE PERCENT.  I gritted my teeth as best as I could (aggravating my TMJ in the process) and explained that they needed to go back and read the directions again and work with the folks on the hotline if they wanted to keep trying to get these points before the deadline to figure out what was going on with their particular computer that was not giving them the success they wanted.  

Less dystopian, but still aggravating to a degree.... when I went to examine the scores for the class on this microassignment on Saturday after the grades would post.... 96% of the students DID do it correctly and received the FULL POINTS.  I wanted to write to the whole dozen of the "freaking out" students.... "See.... if you follow the directions and use the help options I tell you about, YOU can figure this out." The three students who did not earn the points were students who did not even attempt the assignment or the computer access, so I have no pity for them.

* * * * *

The above computer crap happens (to a much lesser degree) every semester.  But, for whatever the reason, a LARGE number of the students in this new class are of the "freaking out" variety.   Today they have another electronic assignment (a quiz this time) that they must complete by a specific time.  We shall see how it goes, and I will see how many "freaking out" students I have in class tomorrow.  If they remain this way, it will be a rough semester.

* * * * * 

BUT.... with all of the above sh*t that is swirling around me, I came to a very powerful realization while at Mass this weekend.  It is thus:

REGARDLESS of all the moments of other folk's having one or more "crisis" and regardless of all the difficult situations that may transpire.... I HAVE the ability to still strive to have a life of feeling a) I am doing good, b) that I can find ways to be happy, regardless of the sh*t, and c) that I can persevere as best as I can to do what I believe is appropriate, fair, kind, and just.  

The above realization may not seem like much, but for me it helped me to find "The Other Side" of the the emotions I had been drowning in.  It is not that I am adopting a "Polly-annish" attitude that all is "candy and roses".  But, instead it is a focus on trying to not allow other's roiling emotional turmoil.... force me into perpetual turmoil as well.  I have the option and I can wring out the ability to feel and see a more positive day-to-day experience for myself.  I am trying to imagine myself in a suit of teflon, a suit that lets the roiling turmoils of other slide off me, so that I can instead focus on what is needed and necessary.  Obviously, some folks' turmoils ARE things I can help with, and help I still will.  But, I can also now (hopefully) better focus on what I can do, and not just be bombarded with it all.  

• besides Mass, running has also been a tremendous help.  Some days I truly hated the effort to run, but I knew that if I forced myself to do it, I would feel less stress when I was finished.  So, I have remained fully on track with my 50 miles a week (~81 km).
• I do feel frustrated that I missed my "retirees" cigar club that I had so been looking forward to.  I am trying to figure out my next option.  I probably will not have an available Thursday for that club (because it meets in the lunch period on that day, which is not usually available for me due to U efforts) until July now.  But, I have to figure out a pleasant option somehow.  

PipeTobacco

Randomosity

Just an array of random thoughts:

• I actually did not know that "randomosity" was an actual word.  I thought I had made it up, but it is in the dictionary so is apparently legitimate.
• Even though I "knew" deep in the recesses of my mind.... but I wasn't actually "aware" in my day-to-day thoughts that I an old enough geezer to technically be considered by my U students' as a "grandpa" figure.   
• The Israel - Hamas War is difficult at so many levels.  Here are my opinions overall..... Hamas is wrong and started this sad affair.  Hamas, IMO, does not represent the Palestinian people.  Palestine does deserve and needs its own country.   Israel's government is causing horrific death and destruction of civilian (non-Hamas) people, which is wholly wrong.  People who are Jewish should NOT be the subject of hate speech.  In a perfect world (a pipe dream of course) here is what I would want.... Hamas to end.  Palestine to exist.  Israel to be at peace with Palestine.  No discrimination nor harm for people who are Palestinian nor Jewish.   
• My grades are now in, and I have a few days to get my next damn class ready for next Monday.
• I am up in the air about Thursday at the moment.  Part of me desperately wants to go to the gathering and enjoy the luxury of a wonderful pipe.  Part of me wants to go and indulge in a cigar, just to feel more a part of the "in crowd".  Part of me is worried that I will not be able to go due to some sort of U crisis that is potentially going to happen.  Part of me thinks I am just a dumb, old doofus for thinking about such things and that I should not go.
• I have been so exhausted the last several days that I do not even read when I finally get to bed.  I am asleep before my head hits the pillow.  It is full exhaustion. I am back to being in a dreamless sleep too, and my wife even has gotten nervous a few times because I am apparently not even moving during my sleep (I typically am rather restless and moving around a lot).... so that she sometimes rouses me ("just to be sure") because I am so quiet and stationary.
• My TMJ has quieted quite a bit.  I think during the last 4-5 days, I had some sort of gum infection near a back molar and have been treating it (uncomfortably) with the technique my now retired (and unfortunately expired) dentist from 50 years ago recommended in these occasions..... with a finger of mouthwash in a cocktail glass (I use a traditional,  minty, store-version of "Scope") add ~ a single teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide.... swirl around the mouth as typical, expectorate, and then repeat with a finger of just the mouthwash.  But, this gum infection has been difficult because I aggravate it when I eat, so I have been eating very gingerly to try to avoid hitting it (which has been hit-or-miss in terms of success, regretably).  But... FINALLY, it feels like it is getting better. 
  
• Running.... unfortunately, with the irratable, out-of-sorts way I have been feeling.... I have NO interest in running.  But, I keep doing it.  And, when I get the damn steps out of the way, I have to admit every time that I do feel LESS out-of-sorts.  So, I keep doing it.
• I would love to swim today, but the damnable pool is CLOSED today for "filter maintenance".  To me this seems absurd that the WHOLE DAY has to have the pool be closed, and truth-be-told, I think it is just an excuse.  But, oh, well.  
• Sometimes I think I am just a silly, old fool to have such a fondness for pipes and pipe tobaccos.  Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.  I just do not know, sometimes.
• I have to send in a new abstract for an international research meeting (unfortunately in the US this time) that I am going to work to present at in November.  I need to get the abstract in by the end of the day, so I had better scoot.

PipeTobacco

Aggravation

I am livid, but I am going to let it go.  A student whose task was to keep a stock culture alive of nematodes did  not do so and they expired.  This is ~2 weeks before an important presentation.  I have scrambled to order a new culture (out of my pocket) and have it shipped to us.  It will arrive Wednesday.  I am not happy.  But, I am not going to let it ruin the rest of my day.

Things around at the U are just too damn intense and stressful and frustrating at the moment.  

Breath. 

Let it go.

There is no inherent value in being p*ss*d off.  Emotionally, I want to dress down the student because I am so frustrated and angry.  But, I cannot do that, as it a) is not the way I want to be as a person, b) it does not promote kindness, c) it does not really help in learning.  I would also hate myself afterwards if I did so.

I am hoping that the crunch he has put himself and his group into.... is going to be sufficient enough stress to have him learn a valuable lesson.  Perhaps after things settle down, I will more gently TALK with him about this experience.   

Breath.  

I can say with 100% certainty that in the wonderful "old" days, this easily avoided catastrophe sure as hell would have been a whole lot easier to grapple with  while having a delightfully smoldering pipe clenched between my chompers as I practiced my "breathing".

* * * * 

• Because of all the end of the year "dog doo-doo" that happens.... and in 2024 this "doo-doo" seems to be happening at an exponentially and logarithmically greater level than most other years I have ever experienced.... I did NOT run today.  I had been ahead a bit, so I should theoretically be able to catch back up tomorrow.  But, that too was not a good way to have to start the day.
  
• My wife and I have had (for ~6 months now) a pair of tickets for a date together in a nearby town to listen to a very nice classical guitar group.  It is likely to be filled with all sorts of "fancy" people dressed to the hilt.  I am not sure what my wife will choose to wear, but I will be decked out in the same, frumpy, tweedy attire I wear to work most every day.  But, it should be a pleasant evening.  I may even allow myself a drink.  The music should be wonderful.
  
• I am still keeping my fingers crossed about next week's potential cigar/pipe experience.  I am HOPING I can still go, and that I will not be forced to stay at the U that day because of my recalcitrant group associated with the nematodes, who did not follow my guidance... to help them catch up and get their crap accomplished.  I so want to have the opportunity to go.  I still debate whether to join the "in crowd" with a cigar, or to be a "lone wolf" with my pipe.  

PipeTobacco