Hoping

Well, my wife's rather strident and adamant pleas appear to have at least STARTED some things.  Of that I am glad. 

• She has a doppler now scheduled for today because her lower calf is swollen and the clinicians want to (hopefully) rule out there being blood clots in her lower leg.  (This is ~2.5 weeks after the event.) 
• Depending upon the findings, she may or may not be able to be potentially "squeezed in" perhaps on Saturday or perhaps on Sunday (no guarantee of either date) to have a "rush" ultrasound or perhaps a "rush" MRI.  Again, it is all vague, but IF it transpires, it will be about 1 week earlier than the prior scheduled ultrasound. (If either occurs, it would be ~3 weeks after the event.... a modest improvement compared to the scheduled time which would be ~4 weeks after the event.)

With all this, we try to carry on as best as we can. She has been sleeping downstairs on the couch since this happened because it is too painful and too scary and too dangerous to try to navigate stairs without ANY sort of diagnosis.  She has been working remotely when possible, and I have brought her into work when remote is not viable using her sister's wheelchair.  

We have been able to go swimming a couple of times.  We use the wheelchair to go to the pool, to get her into the pool area and back from the pool.  I believe this is helpful and beneficial as she needs some sort of movement for health, and the buoyancy of the water dramatically reduces the pressures/forces on her leg while walking in the pool (gently).  With the decreased pressures/forces, I believe/hope the risk of further injury is very low.  

We are trying to keep a positive attitude.  Mine is more of a facade, as I am quite worried and anxious all the time, and I am rather exhausted with the additional things I need to do (and add to my already busy plate) to try to keep my wife safe and to try to help keep her spirits up too.

PipeTobacco

Perhaps Today

Perhaps today will be the day to actually get some diagnosis, some guidance, some THING.  But, I sincerely doubt it.

My wife has a doctor's appointment with her primary care physician today.  It was scheduled three months ago, so that is the only reason we have this appointment (which was for her diabetes care).  But, my wife (hopefully) will be strong, and determined, and adamant with her to GET SOME ANSWERS and to GET THE SCAN SHE NEEDS.  

It has been just about two weeks now.  NOTHING has changed or resolved.  And, we are still two weeks away from an ULTRASOUND which will be pretty much useless.  I think my wife has to get mad and demand that this is CRITICAL and she NEEDS an MRI IMMEDIATELY.  

I keep suggesting she should simply go back to the emergency room and have a fit there about her knee so that the ER folks may just do the scan.  But, that is not the "right" way to get things done..... but NEITHER IS THIS "following the damn rules".  

My wife has basically been nearly immobile for two weeks which is NOT good for her overall health and wellness.  It is a nightmare related to work too. It is exhausting and it does not nor should it be like this. 

PipeTobacco

Not Knowing

Just trying to update for a moment:

Last Tuesday, after I had finished my "Twee" post, I was doing some work and my wife called, to let me know she had experienced some "trouble".  As she was getting into her car, her leg, at the knee, made a made an horrendously loud snapping sound and extreme pain shot through her leg.

She was at the emergency room (having driven herself there before calling me).  They proceeded to X-RAY her hip (not her knee?!?!?!) and sent her on her way saying it was "sciatica". 

It has been one nightmare after another since then.  She SHOULD have had a scan (MRI) of her knee to evaluate if there was a ligament tear or rupture.  Then we would actually KNOW where we stand.  But, no, it has been utter insanity since:

• my wife has been resting at home with her leg elevated 
• by Wednesday, I had convinced my wife she needed to contact her primary care physician to try to get an MRI of her knee.
• her primary care physician is not particularly responsive and ultimately did not even talk with my wife, but by late in the day THURSDAY had her nurse schedule an X-RAY of her knee.  This is utterly foolish, as an X-Ray will NOT show any soft tissue damage (like a ligamental tear or rupture).  
  

What we are concerned about is that NO ONE has examined or looked at the KNEE.  This is where the loud snapping sound occurred when the pain occurred.  The worry/risk is that IF a ligament has been damaged, my wife could in just a matter of a few steps (if her leg is not fully stable) tear her Meniscus at the knee joint.  

If my wife has "sciatica" and no knee problem, it could resolve itself in roughly 1-2 weeks.

If my wife has a ligamental tear, it could require surgery, but with a recovery time of perhaps 3 weeks.

BUT, if my wife has a ligamental tear, and she further damages her Meniscus by walking on the injury, this type of surgery and recovery can take 6 months to a year to heal properly.  

And, with my wifes diabetes, and other issues, including not really being strong enough to use crutches safely.... the NEED AND GOAL is to avoid a Meniscal Tear. 

• But no one listens to her or us.  We got the damn X-Ray on Friday at 8:00am.  It was never evaluated by the clinic nor her doctor by the end of the day on Friday.  So, we were wholly immobile all weekend.
• Monday, my wife spent a lot of the day on the phone trying to get some response from her doctor.
• Tuesday, the doctor next instructed her nurse to order an "ultrasound" of the knee which will NOT tell a damn thing either.  And, there are no appointments available to GET a damn ultrasound until MARCH 5th!  And.... it is USELESS for what my wife needs.

I feel as if we are in some alternative universe where no one does what they are supposed to do.  My wife NEEDS a simple MRI of her knee to either rule out or confirm there is ligamental damage.  Pure and simple.  We cannot get this accomplished.  She is nearly immobile.  The walking she does to go to the bathroom is with a cane we borrowed from her Mom.  And, we borrowed a wheelchair from my SIL so that I can when needed push her around.  This is NOT good for my wife's overall health.

But, we do not want her to try to walk normally if she has a ligamental tear that could in a matter of a mistep or two.... lead to an injury that could require perhaps a year of recovery and a lot of down time.  

I am angry at health care.  I am scared and worried for my wife.  I am struggling to also try to do my normal work and not fall into an abyss of getting behind, which would only ramp up stresses further than they currently are.

This is why I have been away.

PipeTobacco

Twee

On our Amazon Fire Stick we have been exceedingly delighted to watch a variety of art programs.  We have been slowly working through various seasons of Sky Arts "Portrait Artist of the Year" and Sky Arts "Landscape Artist of the Year".  Both programs are from Great Britain.  

Both programs are exceptionally inspiring and enjoyable in every regard.  We have a habit/pattern of watching an episode of one of the above programs each week as we eat a "special" Sunday Breakfast together.  

Three judges..... all three are wonderful, but I especially enjoy Tai-Shan Schierenberg, who is also a well renowned painter/artist (a painting of him is shown at the top of this post).  I like listening and learning from him about art and art theory.  He has a very "teacher-like" quality in his manner of speaking that I like a great deal because he helps me to learn.

Well... the subject of this post is a word that I had not heard before watching this program....... "Twee".  This new-to-me word was one that was fairly easy to discern from the context cues of how each of the three judges would often use the term.  However, its formal definition is:

Twee - adjective (British English)

• excessively or affectedly quaint, pretty, or sentimental   

In looking at Google's Ngram Viewer (a web tool that attempts to show the relative usage of a given word over time), for Twee, it can be seen that it has been around for a long time (at least ~1800) but that its rate of usage (probably as a colloquial expression) took off ~2002 :

I am not sure if that will be readable or not, but the red line indicates how "twee" has taken off in usage since 2002.  

Language is fun and interesting to learn about.  I wonder if "Twee" is something more folks in Canada may be familiar with.  I do not think many in the US have heard the word often if at all.  

PipeTobacco

Lost and Not Yet Found

I have misplaced the file where I have written responses to comments.  I think perhaps I left it on my computer at home instead of transferring it to the flash drive that I normally do.  I tend to do this with all my files.... I may work on one computer or another, but I try to faithfully transfer things I do on one machine to the other via a flash drive.  When I find where the file is sitting, I will get up the "comments" post I had been promising.  

Thinking about the upcoming Lent, I really need to give thought to what my plan will be during this season.  I feel I need to try to find ways to accomplish a few different things:

1.  I want to evaluate AT LEAST ONE area in my life that I feel I need to fix or improve in myself.  And, when I figure out which one or more are most meaningful to try to fix or improve..... to develop a plan of attack towards fixing them.  

2.  I want to determine AT LEAST ONE new way I can work to serve others, and I want to find and actively and consistently become involved in that sort of service in a long-term, permanent way.  

3.  I want to find a way (perhaps scheduled) to spend some time in quiet and peacefulness to try to wrestle through some worries, fears, and some potentially excessive expectations about what retirement may be like.

The above seem to be the items I want to figure out in the next several days.  I suspect I may end up writing about the above here as well, as Lent progresses..... but first I have to figure out my parameters.  

• I had thought about potentially giving up my once a week cigar with the fellows for Lent.  But, ultimately, I have decided to not do this as I feel psychologically the friendship I have there is too important to my well being.  
• There are so many failings and weaknesses I have that I am not sure how to narrow the focus to one or a couple that I feel I could potentially make some true, tangible progress on.  I think the key is I have to find the one-or-more items that I have at least some sense within myself that I CAN muster up the energy to work to fix in myself.  
• I want to find some form of service that I can manage within my rather hectic schedule, but I would be especially pleased if I could figure out a way to find a form of service that different or outside the realm of what I try to do now.  

Hmm.  And, there are so many things to think about and consider as I approach eventually retiring.  It boggles the mind in many ways.  I have to try to put those issues down here on paper to make them more tangible for me.

• And, as I am now approaching what I believe is EIGHT full years fasting away from my pipes and pipe tobaccos (sans the single bowlful on my Dad's 100th, 101st, and 102nd birthdays).... I am wondering and beginning to think that maybe I need to "re-evaluate" this fast.  I am not feeling particularly sure about it anymore.

So many things to think about.  Such a brief time before Lent starts.  Even though the start date is intermediate  within the dates it has fallen (it is not overly early).... for some reason, its impending start has caught me off guard a bit.  I do not feel ready.

PipeTobacco
 

Salt & Light

 

It is not meant to  be an "Earth-shatteringly" new concept..... in fact it is a very traditional concept.... but one that is sometimes hard to keep in the forefront of the mind.  

At Mass today, our priest's homily... in helping us to think about and plan for lent.... rather eloquently reminded me of how my life is meant to be a life of service to others.  Believe me that I do TRY to keep that focus, but I am not particularly successful in maintaining this focus in my mind.  I can and often am far too selfish, far too unfocused, far too often failing to do this.

The analogy that our priest focused on related to the ideas of:

Being the salt of the Earth.

and

Being a light for the World.

Being "salt" is akin to being a flavoring to help make the world better.  That is an obvious way to be of service.  But the idea of being "salt" also had me thinking ABOUT salt and how it is a critical mineral that is important in enzyme function in the cells of our body.  Salts, and most any mineral you can find listed on a mineral supplement you may take..... are part of what are called "cofactors".  Cofactors help to adjust the three dimensional shape of enzymes so that they can accomplish or better perform  the role of facilitating chemical reactions in our cells.  So, from a chemical standpoint, salt can serve an enzyme to allow it to function as it should and the enzyme serves the cell by allowing needed chemical reactions to occur more easily with less energy costs.  

Being "light" is akin to allowing folks to see.  To be light would mean to be able to illuminate ideas/thoughts that would build others up, to help others.... to SERVE.  And, as I thought about it more, I was thinking of how the photons of light energy are what stimulate the disks in the rods of our eye to elicit the firing of neurons in our retina to allow us to see.  And, I was also imagining how these same photons of light stimulate the chlorophyll in a plant cell to generate energy.  The neuronal firing is a message or signal, and the energy produced by the plant serves as food.  

I just thought I would jot down the rather random thoughts as associations I felt while I was contemplating how I could become a better servant..... how I could more successfully serve.... how I could better become who and how I should be.  

PipeTobacco  

Azoturia

 

I am tying up a lot of loose ends today, with the hope/plan/belief that I will after today.... be back on track for a "normal" week next week.  

• All the letters of recommendation I needed to complete at the moment ARE finished. 
• 90% of the big rodent uses in the classrooms are finished (I have one more bout on Monday, but then will be completely done helping in that regard for quite a while).  
• I also have all of my LMSes (the gizmo-ey electronic classrooms that I use for storage) all set up so students can access things for next week, 
• And I have all the NEXT SET OF EXAMS written and sent to the secretary for printing and sorting.... even though NEXT WEEK is the timing where I have the FIRST EXAMS in most of my classes.  
• Additionally, I have stayed on top of the needed research work with my rodents, my flies, and my worms.

Yesterday's Retiree's Cigar Group.... was not all I had hoped for.  Surprisingly most of the fellows HAD stayed far later than usual.... which WAS wonderful.... but, for some reason I am still not sure about, there were a significant BUNCH of additional folks (that are not regulars) who were there too.  That is of course, ok too.  But, there were so many that they had out many folding chairs too to accommodate folks, as all the comfy chairs were all taken.  It was jam-packed at the place.  So, as is typical when the group size gets larger, I tend to get far quieter.  But also, one of the never before seen before fellows who showed up was a rather "extremely boisterous" fellow who did most if not all the "talking" and most of the talking he did was in the form of a continual stream of very overly bawdy jokes.  This fellow occupied so  much of the air space, that pretty much he was the only one talking 90+%  of the time.  Still, even though the jokes were not really of a type I prefer to listen to..... it was still nice being able to enjoy a cigar and to see (but not hear much from) my friends.  

"Azoturia" is an "old-timey" phrase that was, I believe mostly used in the 1800s to describe a condition of horses that causes stiffness and pain in the muscles of all four legs simultaneously but the pain is more noticable and focused in the hindquarters and back.  Way back in the day when I was an undergraduate contemplating attempting to pursue Veterinary Medicine as a possible career, I remember hearing an older gentlemen use this term.  This fellow was a person I was working with while volunteering at a horse stable to obtain some large animal experiences.  I had also seen/read this term somewhere before that in some cowboy-based Western novel I had read in junior high or high school.  Words tend to stick with me, and this is especially so for interesting sounding words, so I always remembered the word after seeing it in that novel.  When I heard the older gentleman say the word while at the stable, I surprised the heck out of him by defining the word.  He laughed and then said that most folks just say the horse is "tying up" instead of the old, formal word.  

In some ways, I have felt I have been "tying up" or having Azoturia during the last several weeks dealing with my own leg pain while running.  I have ran each day this week, however, so I am pleased that I am progressing back to a more normal state.  I still do not fully understand why this happened.  I do think that the damn plantar wart played a significant role in it, though.  As I mentioned several days ago, I developed a plantar wart well over a year ago dead center on the heel of my right foot.  What I did not tell you, was that:

• Unlike the one I had back in graduate school for a brief time, this one.... because of its location, was painful as hell and annoying because I would put pressure on it with every step.
• When it first developed, I dutifully went to a podiatrist, hoping he would freeze the damn thing and it would fall off.  BUT NO, he did not "believe" in that sort of thing, and instead decided to use some "mystical fluid" of his that he very genially and lightly dipped the end of a Q-Tip (cotton swab) into, and then ever so lightly touched the tip of the damn plantar wart with a miniscule amount of that fluid.  He then put a bandaid on my foot and sent me on my way with a follow-up appointment in what amounted to three weeks.  
• In my graduate school version of this many decades ago, the medical support at student services instructed me to use salicyclic acid on the thing.... and it fell out after a few weeks of daily application (it fell out while I was in Nova Scotia, but that is a different story for another time).
• I was skeptical of the treatment I received for my heal, but I tried to reason through in my mind that this fellow was a "medical professional" and knew what he was doing.
• But.... seriously.... not a damn thing changed.  In the subsequent appointment, he did the same damn thing with his little Q-Tip, and then at a third appointment he did the same damn thing again..... and NOTHING had changed.  I questioned him about this, and again asked if he would freeze it (common practice) and he said no, and then mentioned this could take "several months or more" to treat.  
• I grew extremely tired of his antics, which I now believe were simply to string me along so he could repeatedly charge my insurance for a visit.  I did not go back to him after the no progress third visit.  
• So, I decided to take measures into my own hands at this point.  
• BUT, in these many weeks, running was a bit "uncomfortable" but WALKING was actually rather painful almost every step because of the location of this damn wart.  
• So.... I believe that while I treated myself with salicyclic acid patches (in much the same way I did in graduate school) and eventually got rid of the damn plantar wart.... during the many weeks of it being painful..... I think I started to adopt a change in gait for my affected leg while running and while walking that had me walking more with pressure on the paddle of my foot (effectively decreasing the pressure on my heel) which then resulted in my shortening of various tendons of the foot and ankle region.... causing the development of the plantar fasciitis I have now been dealing with using the foot gizmo you saw in an earlier post.   

Overall, my legs are improving and I hope to be trotting, if not galloping soon as I hoof around the track.... in a manner like I had normally been before the plantar fasciitis flared up..... very soon.  The damn wart has been gone for ~3 months, but the after effects on how I subconsciously adjusted my gait to make walking less painful now are what I am battling to bring back to homeostasis.  

I DID run today, and I CAN say it is getting better.  I just want it to be like it was before.  

Yesterday, I also found a long missing pipe that I had lost track of as well.  I must not have worn the particular sport coat I wore yesterday in quite a lot of time, for inside the left hip pocket, I found a beautiful pipe I had been missing.  Now, it really isn't a particularly "special" pipe as it was a basket pipe I picked up long ago... but to my own eye, I thought it was/is rather beautiful.  the color of the briar is distinctly brown.... but there is some aspect of it that has a bit of an olive green cast to it which I always liked and felt was rather unique.  And, it is a full-bent billiard shape, which I always have liked.  It was always a very COMFORTABLE to grip between my chompers as I smoked it, but also the pipe was beautiful to my eye.  I was happy I found it again.  

PipeTobacco