Pro.... Found.... Sad......Ness

It was a strange day yesterday.  Here is a bullet point summary:

• I got up especially early, because of my planning to participate in a simulation in early morning.  
• I ran
• I went to the site of the Poverty Simulation.  I think I have written about this before, but the Poverty Simulation is an educational simulation designed to help teach folks (students, community leaders, etc, health care workers, etc) a glimpse of what it is like to live in or near the poverty level.  I have participated in these simulations for probably 15 years or so now.  I have a role as one of the members of the community the simulation participants may choose to interact with as they try to cope with the pressures they face during this simulation.  I have had a variety of roles, but I have become noteworthy in a role as a Pawn Shop Owner where folks can theoretically sell their items for quick cash.  
• The Poverty Simulation went well, and the folks DID seem to come away with a deeper sense of understanding and empathy for those who are at or near poverty.  
• I then went to the U in the afternoon to get back to work, and to try to finish up at least a draft of my new research presentations.  
• On the way TO the U, however, I started to feel a profound sense of sadness.  I felt forlorn, lonely, tired, frustrated.... you name it.  I had tears falling down my cheeks and into my beard as I drove.  I tried to hold it in as best as I could though, so I kept from actively sobbing, even though that is what I was feeling.  
• I felt useless.  I felt wholly exhausted.  I felt alone.  I felt unloved.  I felt burdened by work.  I felt I never was able to just "be".  
• Well, there isn'a a whole helluva lot I could do about any of the above.  So, I tried to stuff it away, and worked as best as I could to just do the work I needed to do.  
• Eventually, I was caught up enough to call it quits,, and even though it was late....and it was still Wednesday, not the normal day.... I went to the cigar shoppe.... hoping to feel better. 
• None of my friends were there (to be expected, as it was later in the afternoon.  
• I did indulge in a cigar.  But, it was not particularly enjoyable or exciting or interesting.  I tried a different variety, just rather randomly.  It was shorter and cheaper than others that I have had, thinking I would not stay overly long that late in the day.
• I had forgotten MY current book that I had been reading.  So, I tried to read a magazine or two that were in the shoppe.... but they were meaningless to me, and I eventually tossed them aside.  
• Then I ruminated.  I did not PURPOSEFULLY ruminate.  I know that is not usually a good thing.  But, it was hard to try to force myself out of it.  
• I eventually left at about a time my wife would be available to swim, and I met her at the pool.  She helped me with my feelings of sadness, although much of it still lingered and remained.  But I was thankful to be with her and to be swimming.  
• We went home, ate, watched a bit of television and went to bed.

Today, I feel more "neutral" which is a bit of an improvement.  At least I take it that way.

The image I show was because it reminded me of the phrase.... "Close, but no [good] cigar." like was said by the old-timey carnival workers when someone didn't win a prize. I added the [good] to the above to relate it to my experience yesterday.

PipeTobacco

Shoes

 

I have talked a few times about my infernally expensive running shoes, that I DO replace every 1200 - 1500 miles, faithfully, even though "experts" suggest getting a new pair every 500 miles for long distance runners.  

But, I do not think I have spoken about my work shoes.  I have two pair of very specific shoes that I lecture and do all my U work in and have done so for perhaps 30 years now.  These shoes are classic Rockport Men's shoes that style-wise have served the test of time.  

I always have one pair in black and one pair in brown, so I can wear whichever best fits my "professorial garb" for the day.  I try to have two brown favoring days and two black favoring days each week, and Friday is more variable as the extra workday.  The brown variant is shown in the above image.  The black is identical.... except black in color.  

Unfortunately, with most shoes, I tend to wear them out from the INSIDE and not the outside.  My current pairs are perhaps 7-8 years old and they are shot-to-hell inside.  It may be my persperation that does them in, I am not sure.  But... I have reached the point where I am planning to gravitate to my new brown pair and my new black pair (that I bought perhaps three years ago now in anticipation).  My feet are tired and sore most days because of really no internal cushioning remaining in my current pairs.  It bugs me, though, that they look perfectly FINE from external appearances.  

I had planned on getting rid of them back when I bought their replacements, but kept putting it off and putting it off thinking I could still get some additional wear from them. I am NOW relatively firmly committed to begin wearing the replacements this coming Fall at the start of September because the old sets are uncomfortable by the end of a day.  I have probably purchased five or more probably six (possibly at most, seven, but six is more likely) sets of these identical shoes over the 30 some odd years. I have always been relieved when I look and they are still available.  

I am not quite sure why, but today has been an especially "pipey" day, meaning my daydreaming has been especially pipe focused.  I had difficulty concentrating on praying the rosary while I ran (at the damn track again due to the wildfires), because my mind kept drifting back to remembering Sir Walter Raleigh cube-cut pipe tobacco and how good it is.  While I am not sure why those thoughts/memories are so strong today, it may be in association with the time of the year and what I am teaching.  At the moment, I am lecturing on the various sensory modalities (tactile, gustatory, olfactory, visual and auditory), and in my talking about how the sense of smell is governed neurally, I talk about how there are categories of odorants people use to classify "pure" odors, but that most odors are a mixture of multiple odorants.  I would name several of the more common odorant categories and then give examples of how different common odors are compositions of different categories.  Traditionally, I had always used as one example, a comparison of the odorant catetories between pipe tobacco in its leaf state versus pipe tobacco experiencing combustion. In many classes, I would toss a pouch of my pipe tobacco towards a student and ask him/her to describe the odorants they noted in the leaf state.  I typically gave them a pouch of Sir Walter Raleigh or a pouch of Prince Albert as they were relatively "plain" and not adorned with a lot of "extras".  I have not always done the "pouch" routine in class, because sometimes I am too rushed with making sure I get through what I need to for the class.  Last time I probably used the "pouch" angle in class was about 3 years ago.

Please also be assured that I mean "plain" as in JUST TOBACCO LEAF.... not "plain" as in dull or boring, because neither of those pipe tobaccos would EVER be thought of as dull by me.  They both are ROBUST and BEAUTIFUL.  

In the few minutes I have time between all the "big voicing" today, I have written this and also tried to organize my thoughts on a new presentation I have to have done very soon for a presentation at another meeting.  

PipeTobacco    

Comments on Select Comments Monday

 

I am going to try to have Monday be my day for trying to reply to some of the comments I receive:

Margaret stated....

"Perhaps it's true that dogs come to resemble their owners--or is it the other way around?? I have an iPhone 16 Pro and love it. I don't have an iPad though. When I went to buy one, the Apple store employees were so condescending that I left."

I do tend to think there is some sort of correlation between dog and owner (er, perhaps adopter is better).  Our Wheaton Terrier was a puppy we selected, perhaps in part because I convinced my wife of the many attributes of this type of dog..... personality is VERY friendly, very inquisitive and curious, playful, attentive.  Additionally, the breed has very curly hair and can easily sport a fluffy beard and mustache like is typical terrier.  I predicted to my wife that our dog and I would appear somewhat "twin-like" because her golden blond goatee/mustache and my grey beard and mustache were similar enough to draw comparisons. 

I am annoyed FOR you that the Apple employee was condescending.  I have actually only been in a legitimate "Apple Store" one time and can understand your feelings.  In my opinion, the store was (trying to use current vernacular) "Bougie" and simultaneously underwhelming.  I have an iPhone because that is what my wife chose for us.... and yet we GET that phone from the cell phone store.  The iPad also came from the cell phone store, so I was able to avoid the "Apple Store" again.

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Margaret & AC commented on my Laboratory Practical Exam.....

(Margaret) - "...Although many classmates were terrified of the limited time for the exams/essays, I thrived in that environment; it focused my brain like nothing else could."

(AC) - "One would think that fatigue could become a factor. Have you ever noticed this?"

For me, personally, the idea of a big exam of MEMORIZATION of minutia..... drives me nuts.  I sincerely detest/despise having to memorize silly arrays of things.  It is tedious and tiresome.  

BUT, it is an important facet of being able to have a vocabulary to use in talking about physiology.  All physiologists HAD to do this at one time or another to have their working vocabulary.  

I hated these boring as hell exams back when I had to take them.  But, I am glad I did have them to force me to build my vocabulary.  I MUCH prefer to be higher up Bloom's Taxonomy in terms of my own (and my student's) educational goals.  I strive to get them into AT LEAST the apply and analysis levels.  And, my researchers, I will guide into evaluating and creating. 

I tend to think fatigue is a factor from beginning to end of these exams.... especially because I suspect the sizable majority of the kids pulled an "all-nighter" cramming session the evening before the exam..... as per usual for most.  

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For both Margaret and AC about air quality generally......

We have had AQI Scores (Air Quality Index Scores) above 100 every day now for just about a week.  It is a royal pain in the posterior as far as running goes. The primary pollutants are in the Particulate Matter below 2.5 microns.  Dangerous sized stuff.  In THEORY, a building's HVAC system (the air conditioning specifically) helps the levels be significantly lower inside. So, it has been my decision to run inside, as much as I would rather be outside at near daybreak.  The Canadian wildfires spoiled a lot of running last Summer, and it looks to be a very possible repeat this Summer.  Another frustrating and criminal aspect of Global Warming.... unfortunately.  

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AC stated....

"You just roll on and on with that big voice of yours."

By nature, I am typically rather quiet-voiced.  But, in order to a) be heard in the big lecture hall, and b) to capture student's attention.... I have LEARNED to have a BIG VOICE and have LEARNED to be animated in my speaking and also in my non-verbal communication as well (facial expressions, hand gestures, body language) overall.  In many ways, I believe a TEACHER has to become what I call a "Knowledge Actor"..... he/she NEEDS a) a great deal of knowledge, b) an ability to logically organize that knowledge for presentation, and c) the skills of an actor to actually engage with the student populace.

We teachers all recognize the "Charlie Brown Teacher" stereotype..... the never seen figure who is just a bag of boring noise (on the cartoons the sound is done with a manipulated mute and a trumpet)... and most of us worth our salt STRIVE like hell to TRY to avoid that as our perception.  

Margaret stated....

"I'm happy that you're seeking congenial company and enjoying a cigar, if not a pipe."

I have to admit that the company and companionship is tremendously meaningful to me.  The whole atmosphere is so very NOT "U"-like that it refreshes me.  It is NOT work!  It is PLAY to go there.  

And, I do have to say I find the cigar I indulge in to be rather entertaining too.  I find the cigar enjoyable.  But, in the same breath I can say with relative confidence that I do not feel a risk nor a potential compulsion to want to smoke MORE cigars more often.  When I first started to go there, I was a bit worried about if I would feel this sort of pull.  But, happily (at least thus far) I do not.  

And, yet at the same time.... I can still fully attest that even though I have not spoken much of it here of late..... I still have a "PCS" a pipe craving score, for the reality is...... for reasons I do not fully "get" or understand.... there IS something so very different (and damn near "magical") about smoking a pipe FOR ME.... that makes both experiences SO different that there is nearly no overlap in emotions.  Today, for instance, I would estimate my PCS is at roughly a 7.5.   

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Finally, for both AC and Margaret relating to my cigar post.....

Yes, AC, I suspect the Brick House will be a favorite for quite a while.  And, Margaret, yes, as I tried to explain a bit in the above..... I just do not KNOW if I could trust MYSELF if I began to have a pipe at the Retiree's Cigar Group.  From a congeniality standpoint, I am sure THAT would be fine with the group (probably after some gentle "ribbing" from a few, perhaps).  But, in my heart and mind the pipe is so much MORE, and so much BETTER than just the sum of its parts.... that I am not sure I would not simply (and likely willingly) cascade back down to my old ways.  I do not know if I have the inner resolve to have only one pipe a week.  

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Finally, I must briefly mention that it is a bit sad that some of my commenters have disappeared (or at least gone on prescribed hiatus).  It may simply a) be a reflection of less reading occurring in the Summer so less commenting, b) be because what I write about is boring as hell, c) or from a worrisome aspect, be because people are struggling (health or otherwise) and that is keeping folks away.  

I am so grateful for Margaret and AC.  

But, I do very much miss Pat, and Liz, and Pat M., and Paula, Jenna, and GaP, and PepperLady..... and many others. 

Brick House Maduro

 

The cigar I sampled on Wednesday was different than my prior types.  Previously, in the time I have been part of the group, I have tried three different cigars.... one only a single time, one three times, and the rest of the time has been spent with the Perdomo cigar I had found to be pleasant.  

But, I felt a need to TRY a different cigar this past Wednesday.  As I drove to the cigar shoppe I already had plans to try to be "daring" and try something new.  But, the reality is that I have had that aspiration most drives to visit the shoppe, but would simply fall back to the Perdomo as it felt safe and comfortable.  

But, this past Wednesday, I stuck to my resolve.  Actually, that is a fib.  As I walked from my vehicle the block or so to the shop, I had began to vacillate in my conviction to be "experimental" and to try something new.  As I stepped inside, I had already changed my mind and was walking to the cabinet/humidor where the Perdomos resided.  Lo-and-behold..... the Perdomo box was EMPTY.  The last one had been sold.  So, the decision was made FOR ME.

It took me ~20 minutes of hemming-and-hawing to finally select the Brick House Maduro I indulged in.  I had no idea what to expect.  

I was very pleasantly surprised.  It was more pipe tobacco like in its creamier texture.  I found that extremely pleasant.  It sported an easy, comfortable draw which was also nice.  Unlike pipe tobaccos, which have a rich, diverse array of flavors, cigars are significantly more muted and often single noted in terms of flavor.  But, this Brick House Maduro, while still limited in flavors and still muted (like every cigar I have had).... it was a bit broader and I could taste a (muted) cocoa flavor and a (muted) nutty flavor which further added to the enjoyment.  The cigar was a larger gauge than I have had before as well.  It was a 6.25 X 60. 

Overall, I think this will become my cigar of choice when I go to the Retiree's Cigar Group... at least until I find they are out-of-stock, and my hand is forced to select another.  But, it was enjoyable.  I am looking forward to being able to be back with the official group come July too.  That will be even better! 

Still..... it is NOT a pipe.  It is PERHAPS the reason while I do not feel at risk for "falling off the wagon" currently by going to the shoppe.  I am not sure.  If I were to have a pipe, I do think the potential to "fall off the wagon" would be very significant.

PipeTobacco

Exhausted

Like the fellow above, but perhaps more so..... I am just exhausted.  It has been a long week of big voicing, and my body is exhausted, my mind is mushier than oatmeal, and my emotions are fully spent and the emotional turmoil is likely the biggest culprit to my exhaustion.

But, I am done TEACHING for the week, and tomorrow can be a day at my desk and in my research lab.  It will still be a helluva lot of work tomorrow, but at least my voice will not be taxed.  

It has been a lot of years, but still, given the right circumstances, I inadvertently can stumble into my old mindset of.....

"Wow, tomorrow is Friday, and I can mosey over to my father-in-laws have a beer or two and a pipe or two or three and unwind from the week with jovial talk and genial company."

It was such a beautiful routine and I miss that friendship so much with my father-in-law.  When reality rears its ugly head after that quoted thought..... the emotional downturn hurts.

I am going to go home tonight and plant some more herbs (basil, parsley, and mint) and some final flowers to fill our crockery.  HOPEFULLY my wife and will I swim in a bit, and I can plant afterwards.  

I will have to write about my cigar yesterday.  It was a different one, and it was what I would say is the most pleasant one I have indulged in.  But, it is NOT the same as a pipe.  And even though there was one friend there and one new guy who was talkative and nice.... it was NOT the same as talking with my father-in-law nor decades before that, my Dad.

PipeTobacco 

Wildfires & Running

Unfortunately, I had not been paying attention as carefully as I should have regarding the new Canadian Wildfires.  Apparently, yesterday was a bad air quality day in my area, although it was not particularly hazy appearing.  This morning, the haze was far more pronounced and I checked and found that today is also a very poor day atmospherically.  So, I did not run outside in the early morning as was my plan.  I am hoping/planning to run on the indoor track at the U in the early afternoon.  Even though it is not FUN to run on the indoor track (and I do this already during the Winter), it should be a better choice for today.  The "THEORY" is that the air conditioning and other aspects of filtration that occur as part of the overall HVAC system will make the INDOOR air less problematic than the outside air.  I am not sure I actually believe this, but I am going to accept it as HOPEFULLY true so that I should run indoors today.

I made an Indian inspired dish in our crockpot this morning.  It is somewhat akin to Chana masala and is chickpea based, but I also add fruit and tomato (technically also a fruit) purees into the mix to add moisture, flavor, and a bit of texture instead of oil.  With the curry spice blend I use, it should be very tasty.  My wife and I will have it over rice and topped with a small scattering of peanuts and raisins for dinner.  I will also have some sort of vegetable (perhaps oven roasted Brussels sprouts) and my typical gigantic salad that is bigger than my head..... made in my daily use, deep dish, 8X8 cake pan filled to the brim.

I am aiming to head to the Cigar Shoppe late this Wednesday afternoon.  Hopefully a friend or two may be there.  Only a few more weeks and I can go back to the official Retiree's Cigar Group on THURSDAYS so I can see everyone!  I have a book I am reading that I will bring with me in case none of my friends are about today.  I am also considering packing a pipe and pouch with me and my possibly indulge in that instead if I am alone and reading.  I am not sure IF I will take a pipe and pouch, though, as I feel pretty confident I can be more measured with a cigar and not have to worry.  I do think/worry that if I were to indulge in the much more delightful, much more longed for pipe instead.... I still am not sure I would maintain my resolve of this once a week event.  A cigar is just a cigar, but a pipe is so much more.... so I am not sure I want to risk being on the precipice of a slippery slope like that.... well, not that I wouldn't WANT TO.... but I am not sure I would want to struggle to maintain the goal of this weekly indulgence after tasting a pipe again. 

The book is "Hidden Valley Road" and it is an interesting biographical work about a family that had numerous children that developed schizophrenia.  The book goes through their family history and how progressively various children developed symptoms.  Researchers have been able to isolate potential genes in the family that appear to be influencing the development of schizophrenia.  Although horribly tragic for the family, their willingness to allow genetic testing has dramatically helped in the research struggle to identify factors related to the development of this horrific neurological disorder.  

There is a one day, mini Jazz Festival today in the nearby downtown.  If it is not too excessively rainy (rain is projected) my wife and I plan to go mosey about hearing music.  

PipeTobacco  

Mind Numbing, But Voice Saving

Today my students are experiencing their first laboratory practical exam of the course.  They have been nervous wrecks for the last several days in anticipation.  If you have not taken a laboratory practical exam,  it is set out in an immense space where I have 25 different stations.  Each station has four questions, and each station also has some array of body parts, models, tissues, histology slides on microscopes, etc.  Students come into the space and sit at a station.  They have two minutes to answer the four questions, and then en masse everyone in the room gets up and moves to the next station in numerical order.  They then get two minutes to answer the new four questions in front of them.  This continues until each student has had their two minutes at each of the 25 stations.  100 points total for the exam..... each blank on the 100 question exam they write the correct structure/part/tissue etc... they earn a point. If they leave a blank or put an incorrect answer..... no points.  With perhaps ~750 anatomical structures and parts covered thus far in the semester that they are expected to know/learn.... they have a lot of answers that should be within their mind.  

I will begin grading them tomorrow to see how they performed.  It is tedious grading.

I like laboratory practical exam days because my role is simply that of a sentinel (to discourage cheating) and as a timer....... in other words.... on this laboratory practical exam day, I only have big-voice lecture for 3.5 hours instead of 9.5.  But, in some ways it is mind-numbing to be a sentinel and timer.  

I remember long ago as an undergraduate when I experienced one of my own, first laboratory practical exams.  I remember my jolly professor doing the same thing as me, but he was able to smoke his pipe during the administration of the laboratory practical exam.  I remember the aroma was pleasant and oddly comforting during the exam.  

Sadly, of course, that would not be permitted today.  Although, until I set aside my own beloved pipes, I would smoke them in my research laboratory and my offices.  I still have pipes and tobaccos in both  locations.  

PipeTobacco