Cheers

 

Last Thursday, I was able to get the opportunity to spend time at the "Retiree's Cigar Group" at the Cigar Shoppe a ways away that I have been talking about for many weeks.  I have to admit that I was nervous.  I had a lot of "hopes" and "expectations" for the experience.  And, I had even more "worries" and "concerns" about my not being able to fit in.  And, I had worries that it would not be as I had hoped.  

So, what was I hoping and expecting?

• I was hoping to find a group of fellows who would feel like friends.  
• I was hoping that there wouldn't be folks with attitudes.
• I was hoping it would not be filled with folks who were "schmoozy" business/salespeople types.
• I was hoping to fit in and be accepted with the group.
• I was hoping to find a place where I could, in a measured, controllable way, occasionally indulge in pipe tobacco (of course, first and for a while it will be a cigar, hopefully eventually a pipe) without being inclined to actually "falling off the wagon". 

What was I worrying about?

• I was worried I would not fit in.  
• I was worried that I would stick out "like a sore thumb".
• I was worried that the group would be "click-y" and not want any new folks in it.
• I was worried that I would be "grilled" about my life, my (lack of) knowledge on cigars.
• I was worried I might not know/follow some sort of unwritten etiquette of the place or the group. 
• I was worried I would be ignored/invisible.
• I was worried I would make "mistakes" and be perceived as an idiot. 
• I was worried that I might talk too much or too stupidly, but I also worried that I would be "too quiet" as I tend to not talk much in social groups. 

So, you can see a whole helluva lot of things were swirling in my mind..... simultaneously.  I do not know why my brain is wired like this, but it is my reality.  It is both annoying and exhausting a lot of the time.  It may be some of the reason why I really like routines and consistency.  When I attempt new things, I inevitably end up experiencing the above sorts of thoughts.  

   
* * * * *

So.... I drive there, and park on the far side of the building so that my vehicle cannot be seen, and I get out and walk around the building down the sidewalk to the side entrance.  The building itself is an older building in the older part of downtown of this city, and the building was a typical type of three story dark brick and mortar building with large windows that were pretty common and standard in towns across the country and were built in the 1890s - late 1920s (ahead of the start of the Depression). The first floors of these buildings were usually shop fronts of one kind or another.  The cigar shop's building was at the end of a row of these buildings so not only did it have a large storefront window facing the main street, but a similar sized storefront window facing the side street as well.  

I walk inside.... feeling edgy and jumpy, but I try to act "cool" and nonchalant.  A young girl (probably mid-late 20s) is working behind the counter.  I believe the shop was far enough away (in the next town) that I doubted she was a student at the U, fortunately.  I went into the humidor and looked around until I spied the Arturo Fuente cigars.  I glanced through the several boxes, and saw an Arturo Fuente Hemingway Signature cigar.  It was not the same as I had on the trip with my wife, but it was quite similar, so it seemed a safe bet.  

I brought out the cigar and went up to the counter.  The young girl was cheery and was playing with a small dachshund who I believe was the shop owner's dog and appears to be a sort of "mascot" in the store.  The girl asked me:

"You taking it with you, or are you going to smoke it in the lounge?"

I said "The lounge." and paid.  Happily, I noticed a few cigar cutters on the counter and a few butane cigar lighters, and asked, "I presume it is ok if I grab a cutter and a lighter for in the lounge?" Each cutter and lighter had a small chain and tag on it, identifying it as a "store" cigar cutter or "store" lighter.  

"Sure, that's what they're there for." she said with a chipper voice.  

After paying and putting a tip in the tip jar, I picked up my cigar, a cutter and a lighter and went slowly walking towards the bigger lounge area where I could see about 8-10 "old guys" sitting and talking and smoking their cigars.  I tried to quickly gauge the room and the scene.

This portion of the lounge had perhaps a dozen or so overstuffed, leather chairs  plus a few wooden chairs..... with small side tables and ashtrays scattered about.  The chairs and side tables were arranged in a circle.  A large coffee table was in the center of the space.  It too had a few ashtrays, but also had an array of cigar related books and magazines scattered about on its surface  I even noticed one book about pipes..... and I considered that a good sign.  

Luckily, there was one empty leather chair in the circle that had an empty chair on either side as well.  I walked towards the one in the middle so as to not too close and potentially bothersome to anyone.  I sat down (sank down) into the leather chair.  I looked around the group as they were talking.  I noticed my friend from Mass,  two fellows down the row. He noticed me and gave me a quick nod of recognition, but didn't say anything.

That is about all I can write today. I need to get working. More tomorrow.  

Oh, I did run another 10.2 miles this morning (~16.5 km). 

 PipeTobacco 

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind is a variety of ways since last Thursday:

1.  The "Retiree's Cigar Group" was Thursday.  I plan to write about it tomorrow.

2.  Friday I had several pressing deadlines in research at the U.  

3. Friday evening was spent in a lot of preparation for my MIL's Birthday Celebration we were having on Saturday.  My SIL and her husband were not able to help much due to a lot of work they were doing for getting ready for my SIL's impending dialysis. My BIL and his wife were of the usual scant help they always are. 

4.  Saturday was spent wholly in the setting up and preparing the party and having the party.  We were able to use a special event room at my MIL's Assisted Living complex, so that was nice in not stressing on Mom too much.  We invited all my MIL's siblings and their spouses and a lot of my MIL's close friends.  A lot of folks came from several hours away.  We had a group of around 25 folks or so.  It was very nice, even though some of the more distant folks were a bit taken aback by Mom's memory loss.  I was a good mule (carting things around) and a good photographer.  My wife and I went to Mass after the party.  By the time we returned home and cleaned up all the mess that we had to cart back, we were wiped out.  I ended up feeling so hot, that I filled the tub with very cool water and submerged in it for a good thirty minutes to cool my core.  It helped. 

5.  Sunday was  one of my wife's Family Reunions (there are two or three a year).  We drove a few hours to reach the spot, very, very DEEP into the country/farm region.  We brought a pea/peanut/cheese salad (I made that) and a Tortellini and Chicken Pasta Salad (my wife made that).  For a reunion, it was nice, and the weather was pleasantly cloudy also! 

While we were in the midst of the perpetual bingo games, news flashed across my phone's News Feed that President Biden decided to withdraw from the nomination.  I cringed, hoping no one else at the reunion had a news feed on their phone because it would NOT be a good thing for the crowd to get talking about politics.  A hefty percentage of the folks at the reunion are "Forever Trumpers" who are of the Trump base, and there were a lot of more traditional Democrats as well.  Political discussions at the reunion in previous years have never gone well.  Fortunately, no one mentioned the news until about 15 minutes before the end, and even more fortunate and surprising, no one said anything and no discussion ensued (either because most folks KNEW political talk would not be good at the reunion, or folks were just ready to pack up and go..... not sure which was the bigger factor).  

* * * * *

About Biden's withdrawal from the nomination and race:

1.  I completely understand Biden's choice to do so.  However, I think it was not warranted nor necessary... and I believe the news media created a "witch hunt" atmosphere around the first debate that was wholly unfair and only served the news media's interests (money and attention).

2.  I still believe Biden had the best chance of winning the election over Trump.  

3.  Kamala Harris is a GOOD replacement candidate.  I like her work and I am relieved most Democrats are supporting her.... and there is not a lot of chaos and in-fighting..... SO FAR.  

4.  I will vote for Harris (presuming she is the eventual nominee).  I think she could be a very strong president.  Unfortunately, though, I believe she will not win the election.  I think Trump will win by extremely small margins in the battleground states and that will tip the election to him.  

5.  I do hope Harris selects a governor from a swing state to be her vice presidential candidate..... Arizona's Katie Hobbs, or Michigan's Gretchen Whitmer, or Pennsylvania's Josh Shapiro.  I think that could help.  

* * * * *

Late last week, my mileage running went to hell.  With all the things piling on, I ended up having difficulty motivating myself to run.  The harsh sun and heat for some of the days did not help either.  In order to complete my goal of at least 50 miles (~80 km) for the week, I ended up having to run all seven days last week.  To struggle to get to 50, I did the following late in the week:

Thursday - 5.5 miles

Friday - 5.0 miles

Saturday - 4 miles

Sunday - 2.5 miles.... to finally get to 50 (and a bit more).

* * * * *

Today, I forced myself back into a better pattern.  I pushed through 10.1 miles (~16 km). And, I got to the U gym by 7:15am and "pumped iron" to start my second week of doing some upper body weight training.  I have not done any lifting weights since before Covid.  But, I am determined to try to get back some of that tone I was able to develop.  But, mostly, I was looking forward to the machine to stretch my calf and achillies tendon.  

PipeTobacco

Sometimes You Need to Reknow

Standing Calf Raise Machine Image

I have found that there are things I need to "reknow"..... perhaps better stated as REMEMBER something I KNEW previously but had somehow forgotten.  Three items have come to my mind recently in that regard:

1.  Within the last several days, I remembered (and mentioned previously) how a Calf Raise Machine (like in the link above, since "Image Insertion" at Blogger is damn wonky again, but what I call a "shoulder press machine" because it presses weights down on my shoulders) will help me so tremendously in STRETCHING my gastrocnemius muscle and achillies tendon beyond what I can do manually on my own.  I knew this before COVID, but then was without the machine because of the shutdown and forgot about it.  It has been helping me stretch far better after my runs.  

2.  After feeling in a rather foul mood most of yesterday, but then feeling better after running in the afternoon....... and this morning, waking up "dreading the day" but feeling better after I forced myself to run early...... it helped me to "reknow" how important it is for my MOOD to get my run in as early as I can at the start of a day.  With no formal classes at the moment, I have been sloth-like and often times not getting up until 7:00am.  And, even more sloth-like, I have had days where I just did not feel like running, even when it was that late 7:00am, and I would then delay running till sometime later.  I NEED to run as early as I can, even if that means I have to get up at ~5:00am or earlier to get it done even on days when I do not have to be at the U early.  The run shapes the whole day to be better.

3.  My pipes and pipe tobaccos.... in the last couple of days I have been beginning to "reknow" the fact that not only do I love and enjoy smoking my pipes and pipe tobaccos.... but in thinking back, I now realize that my pipes and pipe tobaccos helped me to a) modulate stress more successfully, and b) they helped to make happy times more happy, and they helped to make difficult times less difficult.  With this memory in mind, I am very eager to go the "Retirees Cigar Group" tomorrow, and feel it out.  I am very hopeful that the experience will allow me to feel a kinship and friendship with folks, and that within a couple of weeks perhaps I can naturally transition to having a pipe there instead of a cigar.  Do not get me wrong, I will like having a cigar tomorrow (hopefully, if things go as I hope), but a cigar is just a cigar.... it is NOT a pipe, and cannot (in my opinion) ever be as delightful as a pipe.  However, it could/can be a valuable bridge to find a potential way to have a regulated, occasional pipe that I may be able to adopt for the future.

I did not mention my run yesterday, as I wrote before running.  In total this week, I have thus far accomplished 33.6 miles (~54 km) with 13.5 miles on Monday, 10 miles on Tuesday, and 10.1 miles this morning.

Last thing..... perhaps someone of my blog reading friends may have a book recommendation for me about.... I want to better learn about chord theory and music composition.  There are a fair number of books I have seen on Amazon about the subjects, but.... it is hard to discern which one would be best for me.  What I WANT, is a book that discusses chord theory and music composition in terms of USING chords and chord progressions in developing music.  

PipeTobacco

Comments on Comments

Here are replies to some of your recent comments:

 

AC stated...

"I think you underestimate how tragic another Trump presidency will be."

AC, I apologize that you think I am underestimating how damaging a second Trump Presidency would be.  Please know that I think that in the (unfortunate, likely) event that he is re-elected, the amount of chaos and hardship the US and the WORLD will experience... will be exponentially greater than what we experienced during his first term.  I think a second term WILL be extremely tragic..... but with the way many, many folks are responding to the events of last weekend and this week..... I think we will have to brace ourselves for his win.  I regrettably believe he WILL now win, no matter who we put forth on the Democratic side.

"I can see no reason for feeling shame. You're a guy loaded with troubles, and it appears that you feel things deeply, which is a rather good thing. I also have a feeling that you may be demanding too much of yourself."

I KNOW we cannot plan and organize the timing of our troubles. But, the way in which so many things sometimes pile upon us all at once is quite difficult.  I do tend to feel a lot of shame about things I should do, but am either too lazy or too unfocused to do.  I feel shame at not being able to do as much work as I could do for my students, or for my research.  I feel shame at not as fully as I could, showing the deep, enormous love I have to my family.  I feel like a failure because I think I do not try hard enough to do the things I should do.  I feel like a failure because I get tired, I get distracted, I get annoyed. 

 

Jennifer stated...

"Please, for the sake of all that is good and decent, let us not give up on defeating Trump in November!"

I truly am not giving up.  I am voting for Biden.  And, probably ~90% of my closest relatives will vote for Biden, and probably around 60% of the folks I know will vote for Biden.  Unfortunately, though, with the "rally around the flag" result of the recent assassination attempt and also the Republican Convention..... I think enough of the few, remaining "undecided" voters.... will be swayed into the Trump camp to make his unfortunate win in November occur.  

What would be the best strategy IMO for right now is to absolutely LOCK IN BIDEN as the nominee and a) have folks rally around him, and b) put up as big a push as possible to get apathetic Democrats and "unregistered to vote" on board to do their part. 

 

Liz Hinds stated...

 "So if they're protected will you have to leave them there until they want to move on?"

The folks who arrived to do the work for us this past Saturday...  seemed to my mind, rather "sketchy". They said they wanted full payment up front on that day, and then said they would work for the next several days.  This set off alarm bells in my mind and I told them I would need to "think about things" a bit before proceeding, and I told them I would call the "project leader" on Monday since neither were unable to reach him for me on their phone.  

Between Saturday and Monday, my wife and I both thought about it, and we decided to cancel the whole damn thing.  There are several reasons:  

1.  The original plan was done with a sort of "hard sell" approach that we fell into because we were alarmed/nervous when we thought the critters were bats.  

2.  The plan was for these fellows to put "one-way" gates on the chimney tops (actually only one chimney but it has three outlets).... allowing the birds to get out but not get back in. But, on Saturday, the "sketchy" fellows who arrive to do the work said that these gates would need to be "delayed".... but they still wanted payment.  

3.  The price quoted was actually a helluva lot of money!

4.  I have read that the chimney swifts will eventually leave later this Summer into Fall.  Now that we know what they are, the noise is not so bothersome.   And, even though I am NOT sure if they are in protected status here.... they are rare enough that I would very much NOT want to harm the species. 

 

Margaret stated...

"I'm glad you found a compromise and now feel more comfortable attending the group. Yay! The bat situation would have freaked me out so I'm happy that they were birds, although they're a nuisance too."

I am cautiously feeling some optimism about this upcoming Thursday!  I do think there is a good chance that it will be enjoyable and fun! And, it could a) potentially be a way for me to eventually have an "occasional, metered, prescribed way" to have a pipe once in a while, an b) it could provide a bit of that kind of non-work folks, friendship opportunity that I have not had much of the last several years.  

"There is no shame in having troubles and worries; we all do. Sometimes they are few and other times they hit us like bunch of bricks."

Some of the hardships and troubles are ones I feel relatively acceptable in dealing with, but some of the items just seem beyond what my mental and emotional fortitude can withstand.  Events that occur that are irreparable (deaths of course, but also breaking of items that are not replaceable) are ESPECIALLY difficult for me to handle emotionally.  Also things that have a facet of embarrassment also are extremely difficult for me to wrangle in my emotions about.  I think the feelings of embarrassment were what caused my sobbing in the damn car, for instance.  There was really nothing I could do SAFELY in the very center of that multi-lane traffic.... except sit there waiting for the tow vehicle.  The hundreds (more likely thousands) of people having to work around the blockage of my vehicle while I sat there waiting.... and their looking at me as I sat there was beyond what I could take.  And, of course, the sobbing that I did..... only made my sense of embarrassment even more acute as folks drove by.

 

Pat stated...

"And what's the harm of bringing a pipe or two with you? Your friend already assured you that it would be OK, and as they don't yet know you they might as well get to know the real you, with pipe in hand."

Pat, it sounds like a great IDEA, but until I feel more comfortable in the space, I think it would have me feel to conspicuous and perhaps too pushy for a "newbie" to the group.  I do admit that I HOPE that if I do fit in and am accepted to the group, I may bridge the idea of my bringing my pipe instead, as it is a far more enjoyable option if possible.  

"I hope you can do something to de-stress." 

Believe me, I know and understand that I seem to get stressed fairly regularly.  I DO, I sincerely do try to find ways to decrease stress day-to-day.  My pipes and pipe tobaccos used to be a primary way I modulated stress. A most interesting thought also occurred to me.... before I began my pipe fast (almost 6.5 years now) I did not think as often about stress.  Of cousre I did experience stress.... but it felt less sharp.  I am not sure if my pipe would "smooth the edges" of the stress for me, or if my stresses are more of a sharper variety these days.    

But, even though my pipes and pipe tobaccos are not a daily option any longer (sadly), there are other ways I do try to manage stress.  I run until I am tired enough that some stress dissipates.  Swimming helps to lower stress when it occurs at the end of a workday.  Those items are helpful.  

 

PeppyLady stated...

"I have an bullet journal.That keeps me on track."

Yes, I remember reading about your bullet journal on your blog!!!  And, I KNOW that if I did so more reliably it would help me too.  But, I have not had particularly good luck in persisting with the bullet journal sort of "to-do" lists in the past.  I am not sure what the problem is, and what I could do to be better at consistently using this idea. 

 

I guess that is it for today.

PipeTobacco

Boosting Energy

 

Not sure what is up with the image insert in blogger, but it is malfunctioning.  Oh well.  I will try after I am done here. (Addendum..... the image inserter is still "wonky" so there will be no image today.)

I am trying to boost my energy, as I tend to be rather sloth-like a lot of the time.  I have done this by making a list of tasks I want to do, and working on the most arduous ones earliest, so that I get a "boost" of energy by feeling that the damn things are off my list.  

For today, as has become useful for the time being, I am going to talk in random bullet points:

The assassination attempt on Trump was horrible, and is incredibly sad.  Such violence should NEVER happen.

I do think, however, that with this turn of events, that Trump WILL win the election, and this makes me also sad, because I do not think he is good as a leader for the nation nor the world.  I think he will win, no matter WHO the Democrats now put forward.  I still think Biden has the BEST chance of winning over Trump, but I no longer think any Democrat will win.  I am still voting for Biden, however.  Trump made some pretty amazing photo imagery following the attempt that I think will rally all sorts of folks to him.  

Even though the attempted assassin was horribly wrong in what he did, I also feel significant sadness for his family.  He was so very young (20).  I cannot imagine what is happening now within his family.  From my understanding both parents were counselors of some sort.  

It was raining pretty heavily this morning and was beautifully cloudy, so I hoofed out 13.5 miles (~22km) this morning.  It feels good to be ahead for the week's goal.  

One of the days last week when I ran on the U indoor court, I stopped downstairs and saw a weight machine I had forgotten about.... it is a shoulder press, where you actually rest considerable weight upon your shoulders and then push up with the heels of your feet.  Even though I had used this machine in the past, I had forgotten about it since Covid happened.  When I saw it, however, it reminded me of how helpful it was in helping me to FORCE a deeper stretch of my achillies tendon and gastrocnemius muscles than I could do on my own.  I tried it that day, and it was REVOLUTIONARY in helping me feel more limber.

So, I made a plan to go back to the U gym three times a week to do some resistance training (weight lifting) AND stretching on the shoulder press.  I had done this BEFORE Covid, but never picked it back up when things shut down.  I am easing back into the mild lifting I had done before, with my old goal in tact of regaining the ability to do unassisted chin ups. I am far from it, after four-some years of not lifting, but it DID feel good, although I suspect I will be damn sore tomorrow.  But, that is how it goes.

I am very glad I did the quick visit to the Cigar Shoppe last week, and I am hopeful I will go for the "Retiree's Cigar Group" this Thursday.  I feel more (not totally,  but MORE) at ease about being able to fit in. 

I have done a great deal of rodent work this morning, and that has felt good as well.  

It actually feels good that this was the first time I was on the computer today as well.  I feel often that work computer time is a necessary evil..... it never feels as satisfying as teaching or doing actual hands-on research.  It is important, but it tends to leave me feeling "unaccomplished" inside.  

To have my blog entry be the first time I was on the computer today felt REALLY good.  I like the computer to communicate with so that worked out wonderfully!

PipeTobacco  

Half

Take the image any way you wish.  It has many meanings to me.

Bullets again today:

Yesterday continued the onslaught of stressors in very many ways.

• The vehicle failure is going to cost $2,000 to repair. Yes, we are footing the bill.

• Yesterday, we transported one of the kids to the airport (the one 3 hours away because it was cheaper that the closer ones) for her overseas trip.  She needed to be there at 3:00am for boarding regulation timelines. We left at 11:45pm. Thursday evening.  We arrived home today at ~7:00am.  I am at the U.  My wife is at a work meeting, herself.

• One item that played into yesterday also is a situation that has been going on for much of the week, but I haven't mentioned it previously.  Last Sunday, we started to hear sounds in our fireplace.  In the past, it has happened that there were two times a bird had fallen in and could not get out, or a squirrel had fallen in and could not get out.  I could see them through the gate & grate, and being the robust, "Indian Jones"-style, biologist/adventurer I am (Ha, that was said with blistering sarcasm.), I was able to capture the beasts with my (leather gloved) hands and transport them back into the natural environment. This time was different.  We could not see the beast, and the sounds were akin to a rattlesnake shaking its tail with a few squeaks.  I had no idea what it may be, but was presuming a bat due to the sound.  I waited a few days hoping it would dehydrate some and fall to the base of the fireplace so I could better determine if I could rig a way to get it out (I was much more worried about a bat, with the potential for it to carry rabies, and as bats are basically rodents with wings, I know also that they are aggressive biters.).  But, each day, the rattlesnake sounds and squeaks remained, and actually by Tuesday and Wednesday had grown louder and more robust.  This had me become worried this was well beyond my feeble abilities.  It further suggested to me they were bats, because I was now thinking they were getting out and coming back with more of their damnable friends. So I looked up (on the damn phone, which is no where near as confidence building as the old "Yellow Pages" were as most every search resulted in a helluva lot of what seemed scammy, hukster-ish options to sort through) and called one of the companies who of course only had damnable voice mail and no real person to answer the phone.  I left my details.

• I started out Thursday morning still hoping/planning and trying to build the "courage" to go to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  Yes, because of my worry about feeling "out-of-place" or "not accepted" it was taking me a lot of thought to wrangle my mind around the idea that the only worst-case scenario would be that I would not "fit in" and that if I didn't try, I would never know. After praying my usual rosary and listening to daily Mass during my run, the majority of the remainder of my 10 mile (~16km) run was spent me working to give me a "pep talk" and to cajole myself into giving it a try at the group.

• So, after washing and heading to the U, I open an e-mail from the "bat" removal company (I do not know why in the hell they did not simply call me) offering to be at our house at 2:00pm.  Because of my wife's worry (and hell, my own too because it was getting louder), I replied back that 2:00pm was workable. It made me frustrated because that actually meant with the drive time, etc, that effectively there was no way I could participate in the Retiree's Cigar Group.  I would have to have at LEAST a clear two hours of time if I were to go, purchase a cigar, talk with folks and indulge in the cigar.  There was no way I could do this with a group that started "around" noon according to my the fellow from Mass.

• I felt a mixture of frustration and disappointment (in not getting to participate) and yet also a bit of "relief" as well (not having to face my fears/worries about not fitting in), and because of the "relief" also a whole damn bunch of annoyance at myself for feeling this "relief" and the phrase often used by young kids in my elementary school, when I used to BE a young kid rang through my mind, "You are just being "chicken sh*t"!" (back in the day, the kid parlance in the use of this phrase towards another meant that you were much more "chicken" (afraid) than the chicken itself, but you were so much more afraid, you were worse (and more cowardly) that the bird's excrement).

• So, I kept thinking about how "chicken sh*t" I felt I was being, even though I also literally did not have the needed time to experience the group due to the "bat" removal fellow.  So, I conjured up a "1/2" strategy in my mind.  I thought that at least I could partially do what I had said I would do.  I decided to take a trip out to the Cigar Shoppe with the mindset of being a "shopper" meaning I could go in to peruse the cigars, pipe tobaccos and other delights for a bit (probably 10-15 minutes at most, time-wise)... but of more value to me, I might  a) not feel so "chicken sh*t" about myself, and b) I could get a "lay-of-the-land" perspective on how I would "fit in".  

• So, I DID this "shopping visit".  I ended up being in the place for ~10 minutes.  It was actually very pleasant.  In my perusal of their wares, however, I did not see ANY pipes or pipe tobaccos (when I had briefly visited the place many years ago, well before any knowledge of the "Group", there were a few meager pipes and a few meager pipe tobaccos).... but perhaps they were somewhere I had not fully investigated.  I spent most of my time at the cigar cabinets/humidor area which was relatively close to the lounge, so I could sense and hear a bit of the "Group".  There were about 8-9 fellows there (I did not see the person from Mass there), and the snippet of their discussion I could hear seemed wonderfully casual, not intense, and pretty much exactly what I was hoping for in my "best case scenario" I had imagined in my mind.  None of the various "worst case scenario" type things (I had also imagined) were occurring.   

• I had to leave quickly to get home to meet up with the "bat" fellow, and I did not purchase anything.  But,  I have a good idea of their stock and I can research a bit to try to see which cigar I may best enjoy.  However, the best part is with the "listening" I did, I feel more excited (and more comfortable) about planning to go next Thursday (July 18th).  I think it WILL be fun. I know that at least this first time next week, I will smoke a cigar and not my pipe, but I should be able to better discern if a pipe would "fit in" or not.

• When I arrived home, it was only about 5 minutes before the "bat" fellow arrived.  He could hear the noise emanating from our fireplace.  He said it did "sound like bats".  I sealed him off in the room and peered in through a narrow crack in the door, in case the bat(s) suddenly flew out into the room, as I was not wanting to get bit. He tried first to see the beast with his flashlight though the glass door (like I had), to no avail.  He then cautiously opened the door, the sound intensified.  He started to peer into the chimney stack and he kept looking and looking. Finally, he closed the door to the fireplace and came out to me.  "Uh, they might be bats, but I am not really sure, as they are not behaving like normal bats.  I am not sure what they are, but there's at least 15 of them in there."  He went outside to call his boss at the company for advice, and to investigate more outside, and saw one or two fly out.  

• He came back in excited.  My boss told me that they were "Chimney Swifts" and that they were rare around here, and in fact are in many regions considered a threatened species.  He then told me that while he was outside, he looked up the birds on his phone and the sound was exactly the same.  He had never seen these birds before (and he worked for this company for over 5 years, he said).   He gave us a quote (~$1,000) to put one-way exit caps on the chimneys and other measures to ensure once the birds left, they could not get back in.  

• I am glad it was not bats.  I watched and listened to a video about Chimney Swifts after the fellow left and they are interesting birds. They cling individually to the side wall (or a chimney or wherever they are are roosting) and hunker down so they do look like a typical "ball-like" sleeping bat.  And, when disturbed they will (en masse) emit this crazy alarm signal (the rattlesnake-like sound) to attempt to frighten off potential predators.  

• So..... half..... I did "sort of" 1/2 of what I had wanted to do associated with the Cigar Shoppe and the Group.  Half of me is glad that I did this "1/2" at least, but half of me still is calling myself "half-*ssed, chicken sh*t" for that "sense of relief" I briefly felt though I could NOT go to the Group because of the bat guy. Also, "half-*assed" apply applies to my feelings about the news media and several big-wig "Democrats" of late who cannot seem to do anything but bash Biden.  Mark my words.... IF they dump Joe, I guarantee there will be a tRump win in November.... which is what I think the MEDIA wants because it is entertaining and sells their papers and television channels.... and someday down the road, perhaps soon, but perhaps years from now, the regular Democratic voters will recognize how they were DUPED into this absolutely bad decision to dump Joe.  About 1/2 of my SIL's appointments are scheduled for next week in her getting ready for dialysis next step.  My MIL appears to have about 1/2 fewer hallucinations at the moment which is helpful.  

I am quite sleepy.  Too damn much money is flying out of our savings with all the above.

PipeTobacco

Nitty Gritty & More

 

Ok, with scant energy reserves, I thought today would be best accommodated by talking in bullet points:

• SIL - yesterday, she received news from her clinician that she needs to begin dialysis.  This is of course devastating to her, her family, my wife, and me.  Of course, the procedure will take a bit of time to get started and there will be surgeries, trainings, and all manner of things before it becomes an actual task that occurs.  The normal procedure is to get things started first by having a port implanted in the neck to begin dialysis and trainings, but within the first 90 days or so a second, more invasive surgery is needed to insert a fistula for longer term use.  We are all devastated by this prognosis. 

• MIL - was having new hallucinations yesterday, and we worry she may have an infection (UTIs tend to seem to correlate strongly with her beginning to hallucinate).  

• Offspring Item #1 -  the person I no longer write about had need of a vehicular repair which we (I & my wife) paid for, and we retrieved the vehicle.  On the way home, said vehicle had a transmission failure and it so happened as I was driving it on the busiest, most chaotic, multi-lane roadway in our city.  I could not move the vehicle at all.  I was stuck in the middle of traffic with flashers on for ~ an hour until a tow truck was able to arrive and transport the vehicle back for repair.

• Offspring Item #2 - illogical, very poorly thought out decisions and ideas by an offspring, who has suddenly, out of nowhere decided to completely upend the plans she has been working diligently and successfully towards for years to do something entirely different because she suddenly began to feel tired of "things" as they were.  

• Offspring Item #3 - another one of our offspring is set to begin an overseas trip in the next few days and was in a "panic mode" of worry, and trying to pack, etc.  This item was the more minor stress yesterday compared to the others.  

So, a whole helluva lot of chaos, grief, and worry yesterday.  

* * * * * 

So, other items:

• Yesterday, before all the chaos, I felt like I really did not want to run outdoors for two reasons 1) the air quality index was reporting a high number (high = poor air quality) in our region,  and b) the thought of running in the intense sun yesterday (I overslept to about 7:15am and it was already extremely sunny and hot) seemed overwhelming.  I had already gotten some sun the day before yesterday and my face and neck had a bit of reddishness, and that was a cloudy day. So, I decided to go to the indoor track... filtered air, air conditioning, and no sunlight.  I was hoofing out miles, and then all of a sudden I stumbled (the front tip of my shoe contacted the track, I must have not been lifting my foot sufficiently) and fell hard onto the track.  I hit both on my rib-cage (knocked the wind out of me), and my elbows.  The track is on the second floor surrounding the perimeter of a large basketball gymnasium.  When I fell, it knocked my lap clicker out of my hand and it clattered around and through the fence of the track and then clattered down to the first floor gymnasium below.  I slowly got up, making sure nothing was too badly damaged on my body, shuffled off downstairs to retrieve my clicker, and said "To hell with it." and left.  I had ran only 5.1 miles (~ 8km).  

I went home, washed and drove to the U.  Then all the sh*tty stuff above began to happen the rest of the day.  

• By the time I finished with the transmission failure, my nerves and emotional state were beyond shot.  My wife wanted to go see/talk with her sister, so I went back to the U (I had left most everything on in my office and lab, thinking I was going back to do work after the "easy" planned pickup of the vehicle... which then failed on the way back.  I know it may sound utterly stupid and foolish, but the hour I waited with the damn vehicle before the tow truck arrived shot my nerves to hell well beyond what had already transpired during the day.  Again, I can recognize it was utterly stupid and foolish TODAY, but while waiting with that damn vehicle, all I could feel was a complete sense of FAILURE.  Stupid though it is, I was weeping while I sat in the damn vehicle, cursing at myself all the while for all my many shortcomings.  And while the shortcomings are true, weeping and cursing about them accomplishes nothing.  

• When I got back to the U, I was too damn emotionally drained to be able to concentrate on anything, so I shut down my computers and the things running in the lab, and then went to the U Fitness Center and pounded out 5 miles (~8km) on the U's indoor track. I was able to stomp out some of the grief, some of the anxiety, and some of the shame I felt.  

• Last night, my wife and I were rather quiet from all the emotional turmoil, but we had a pleasant dinner and watched a bit of television. 

• This morning, it was densely cloudy and gently rainy.  Even though I was sore from the fall yesterday, I was able to hoof out 11.3 miles (~18 km) in the gentle rain.  

• I do not know what to think/do about the Retiree's Cigar Group tomorrow.  Part of me desperately wants to go, hoping it would be a way to potentially bridge safely what I am missing.  But, there are also a lot of worries, a) What if I do not fit in?  That would feel sad. b) I am not sure if the friend from Mass will be there or not because he wasn't at Mass this past week.  He may be visiting a daughter in California.  He would be a valuable segue for me into the group, but if he is not there? c) all the worries about my SIL, MIL, and the damn vehicle also give me pause.  I want to go, but I am not sure if I SHOULD go nor if it is responsible of me to go amidst all this.  I do have to admit  I feel nervous about "fitting in" and would hate to fail at another thing this week.

PipeTobacco