Let There Be Light... PLEASE

As many know, I often have larger classes for anatomy & physiology sections.  Well, one of my sections has ~125 students in it and is held in one of the very large lecture halls at the U.  This room also happens to be in the second oldest building at the U.  As far as big lecture halls in old buildings go, this one is reasonably nice.... except for the LIGHTING. I and also several other professors have sent in work requests to try to have the lighting system repaired.  Roughly ~35% of the lights in this room will not operate.  

When I am "big voice lecturing" to the class,  and I have an anatomical image projecting onto the big ~30 ft x ~15 foot screen above me and above the 40ft expanse of  white board extending from one side of the room to the other.... a somewhat dim, "mood-lighting" light level is ok as I rant and rave about all the different physiological concepts I yammer about.  

But, when students take their exams..... some of them end up having to sit in regions where the lighting is nearly atrocious.  Their younger eyes likely do "ok" in the dim light..... but I would be angry as hell if I were taking an exam in some of those seats.  

For those students.... that is why I have been pressing this issue with the U's Facilities Management.   And, it has been worked on and examined by the U's electricians.  But.... unfortunately..... they report that they cannot figure out how to fix the situation.... because of the antiquated "high tech" equipment, and also due to the room's inherent electrical complexity.  I counted one time, and there are ~40 different light switches in the room organized into four different banks, none of which control "everything".  The U electricians petitioned to get approval from the "high falutin', muckety-mucks" (the President, the Provost and their minions) to call in an electrical specialist.  That is somewhere in progress.

Well..... today..... I go to my class in this lecture hall..... get there about 15 minutes before the start of class..... having hoofed across campus with a big box hoisted onto my shoulder.... containing ~250 different exams and ~250 scantrons.  

You see.... this semester, I have TWO back-to-back anatomy & physiology classes, each ~125 students, and each having an examination yesterday.  One class is Anatomy & Physiology 1, the other class is Anatomy & Physiology 2.... different topics in each, different exams in each.

I get into the big lecture hall, and some of the students are already sitting in the room, waiting.  But, they are sitting in a room that is PITCH BLACK inside.  The only reason I knew some students were in there was through the light shining onto the faces of these students from their gizmo phones that they were interacting with in a myriad of ways while they sat.   

I chuckled a bit under my breath..... I often go into that room and students in that first class seem to LIKE to sit in the dark..... who the hell knows why?

I entered, set the box down, and then proceeded to dig my own gizmo phone out of my pocket, and I proceeded to turn on the thing's flashlight.... and proceeded over to the amazing wall of light switches. Different switches had various printed paper labels under them, some had jury-rigged labels made from masking tape, and a few still had plastic labels from the old "Dynamo Label Maker" days.  But, many were unmarked as well.  

I started locating and trying to flip the switches I had memorized to flip as the ones that would provide the greatest amount of light in this space.

None of them worked.

I went back to what I thought may be a "main" switch,, and changed its position.

No effect.   I then went back to the prior panels and tried again......

No effect.

Getting very nervous, I only had ~10 minutes now until the exam was set to start.  More and more students were pouring into the dark and using their phone's flashlights to get seated.  I called both IT and also Facilities Management..... and after working through each Departments damable phone tree (aka, the "Interactive Voice Response System" reached a real person, and they were dispatched to try to rescue me.

Unfortunately, the IT Specialist came, and could not activate any lights whatsoever.

Unfortunately, the U Electrician came over, and he too could not get any of the switches to operate.  But, he then went up to the very back of the auditorium and with his keys was able to open a small, narrow, locked door leading into the projection room for the space.  I followed him inside.  He proceeded to open and examine a variety of different electrical panels..... some had solid green lights inside (a good sign) but MANY displayed instead... a flashing red light (not good).  He cursed... somewhat under his breath.  He tried to turn everything in that projection room OFF and then back ON (sort of a "reboot"...  like done on a computer).  

I went back out to talk to the class about potential options..... while the electrician worked.  

Unfortunately, and yet also fortunately...... the U's electrician (fortunately) was able to get MOST of the lights to come back on (now ~40% are out)..... but it took him (unfortunately) about 45 minutes into the class time for the lighting to be "restored".  

While he was working, I had talked with the class about options for the exam.  I gave them three "options" with the idea that the majority opinion would be what we would do.  I already knew the student mind enough though, that their preferred choice at 90% of the vote (to take the exam in the next period) was what I was planning anyhow..... but by being allowed a choice..... it gives them a sense of ownership and philosophical "agency".  I then told them the obvious (that I also could not lecture without light) and that unfortunately class was cancelled. 

The electrician, who was a near perfect doppelganger of myself in appearance other than I would need to still be at my previously portly girth. He is someone I have known for a few years, his having come to the U AFTER retiring with his pension from his former electrician job.  He is a very nice fellow.  

After thanking him for his help, I worked on the rooms computer until the next class arrived, and then gave that SECOND class their exam.  

I HOPE that I will not have lighting problems on Wednesday, when I am not hoping to administer the exam for the first class.

* * * * *

I have been thinking and searching around looking for the various pipe and cigar shops I can find in Washington D.C.  It sure isn't like it used to be, where pipes and pipe tobacco shops were common and typical.  Even the one pipe shop I remember from a prior, long-ago DC visit..... Georgetown Tobacco..... seems much more focused on cigars now.... and pipes are pretty much an afterthought. The same is true for Curtis Draper Tobacconist..... pretty much just cigars these days.  But, I do remember a blend of pipe tobacco I had gotten and greatly enjoyed at Georgetown Tobacco.... it was called "Night Owl" and as a young biology prof back then, I tended to pick a blend preferentially, if I could relate it back to some sort of creature..... hence "owl" attracted me first to the blend.  But, even though "Night Owl" has now been long gone in my cache, I do remember it fondly.  If I do get the opportunity to get to Georgetown Tobacco...... I hope they may still have "Night Owl" on hand.

But, if I do get to go to Georgetown Tobacco... and it has a lounge that is all or primarily only focused on cigars.... that will be disappointing.... and if that IS so (like I fear), I think may rather go then.... instead.... to the Casa de Montecristo Cigar Lounge & Bar which is part of J&R's Cigars.  

It may sound foolish or stupid, but if the old "pipe focused" Georgetown Tobacco and Curtis Draper Tobacconist are both a much reduced venue for pipes and pipe tobaccos than each had been...... it would feel somewhat sad to spend a lot of time in either if it is now really mostly about cigars.  I would, rather, in my mind.... indulge in the Casa de Montecristo in that scenario.... because that was and remains its purpose.... cigars.   I do still hope that Georgetown Tobacco is both very pipe focused/friendly and that they still have "Night Owl"..... but if not, I at least have a backup plan that would be enjoyable.  

And, I MOSTLY am still just HOPING that  I CAN successfully eek enough time out of part of a day to at least DO one or the other of the above.

* * * * *

I ran today..... indoors.... but with my new shoes!  They actually felt very comfortable.  It was a pleasant run.  

PipeTobacco

Crunch Time

 

Last week, following my post about the (then) upcoming mid-term elections, I had a sudden realization that not just one.... but TWO different conferences were coming up.... both LESS THAN two weeks away!!!!  In my mind, I had been thinking I had THREE WEEKS of time to work on them.

But, when I realized HOW CLOSE both were, it resulted in me feeling "under the gun" in terms of timing.  I HAD to get the four student research posters to the graphics center before last Thursday, and I had a talk to prepare as well.  All of those things needing my attention and work with seven less days to accomplish what I needed.... made for a rather hectic workweek, and ended up nullifying my hoped for writing here during the Tuesday-Friday dates of last week. It was unfortunately an academic "Crunch Time" for me.

But.... fortunately, I did get the research posters to the Graphics Office in time (after a few late nights) and the talk is up-to-snuff.  Three of the research posters are heading to an international conference that is being held in Washington D.C.  I will be leaving for that meeting this upcoming Friday.  The other two presentations are at a regional symposium about two hours away from the U.... and that does not occur until the 20th.  

The Society for Neuroscience meeting (in D.C.) is a huge extravaganza.  Even though a bit lighter in attendance since challenges from Covid and from Trump both affecting Visas..... the last two years, attendance has still hovered around 35,000 researchers globally in attendance.  It should be a very interesting meeting, and my wife is scouring the Internet to help find us some especially enjoyable restaurants featuring less common ethnic cuisines in our home region during our stay in D.C.  I am kind of hoping especially for a really nice, authentic Turkish restaurant, I would love an Ethiopian restaurant, and I would be especially excited to find a style not at all available anywhere near home (perhaps Russian, or Brazilian, or Argentinian).  We also plan to try to visit at least two different Smithsonian Museums.  I have to admit I have been looking at potential pipe shops and cigar lounges.... if I can wiggle away a bit of time to visit one of those delightful "candy shop" venues for me too.  I am really hoping I can find a bit of time to do that, but I will see.

Also, last week, on Friday, because of extreme cold (38 degrees Fahrenheit (~3.3 Celsius)),  high winds (~15 mph (~24 kph)) and rain at 5:30am.... I succumbed and ran at the indoor track, thinking that now unfortunately, the indoor track will become my norm once again for the next several months until likely April.  I am still hoping to eek out some outdoor days for a while, but I suspect it will be sporadic at best.  I ran on the track this morning as well.

I am not sure if I beat AC this year or not, but this morning, my wife and I succumbed and finally turned on the furnace for the first time.  It was just not pleasant inside at 59 degrees Fahrenheit (15 degrees Celsius) this morning, and we both agreed it was time.  

I am glad that all the "academic" aspects of this upcoming research conference trip are done, and all that is really left to do is my normal work week (but also trying to get my normal Friday lab work, writing work, and grading work done during the earlier four days)... and packing.

I remember very fondly the first time my Mom brought home Captain Crunch Peanut Butter.  I had generally liked regular Captain Crunch (although I much preferred Corn Flakes, Quisp, Sugar Frosted Flakes, Product 19, and Trix).... but Captain Crunch PEANUT BUTTER was to my young palate, extremely delicious and stayed a favorite for quite a while.  

I think most of the cereals I listed above are pretty common knowledge, except perhaps for Quisp.  I have added a photo of it below:

PipeTobacco 

Vote

 

I have already voted this morning.  It will be interesting to see the results.

It will be rather interesting IF the control of both the Senate and the House become Democrat Majority. Polls suggest this will happen, but polls have been inaccurate in several other occasions.  Things I think about given the current thought that we may a Democrat Majority Senate and House (DMSH):

1.  Will DMSH actually be able to successfully reign in Trump to keep him from doing as many egregious things?

2.  Will DMSH actually incite Trump to act out even MORE vehemently than he has already been?

3.  Will a DMSH result in the Democratic Party becoming more unified or more fractured ahead of the 2028 presidential election?  

I worry that modern society is too "self focused" meaning that the thrust of most discussions and arguments politically are focused on individuals and/or small, specialized factions.  I truly believe that the advent of Internet commerce, fractured news media, smart phones and social media, and asynchronous media streaming has obliterated most all aspects of broader community.  

I miss newspapers.  Electronic facsimiles of said are just not the same.   Their decline also has contributed to the loss of recognition, participation in, and an awareness of community.  

* * * * * 

Haley Stevens..... I worry/fear she may have had some sort of psychological breakdown.  Her actions, and her interviews Sunday to the present have been shocking.... and difficult to observe.  

* * * * *

Through it all, my mind still spends its free moments thinking about pipes and pipe tobaccos.  In some ways I am finding comfort in that consistency of my mind.  Eight and a half years ago (when I first laid down my pipes), I had very mistakenly presumed my focus, my passion, and my interest in pipes would wane.  As these past 8.5 years have shown to me.... this is not the case.  While there is "undulation" in my pipe focus day-to-day, it has never left me.  From a physiological perspective this is still surprising to me, but in the same vein from a psychological, philosophical, and perhaps theological perspective I guess it is not as surprising a finding.  

Because my PCS is still in the 9+ range, I have both a pipe and a pouch of pipe tobacco in my jacket pockets today, and I have my trusty Zippo there as well.   I have not had the full set of the trio with me  at the same time as I go about my day-to-day actions in a long while.  It is strangely COMFORTING that because of the beautiful tools within my pockets.... within a matter of less than a minute, I could readily grab the pipe, tobacco, and lighter and indulge in their grace and beauty.  And, yet of course, it is also more than a bit NERVE-WRACKING that these beautiful pieces of art and tools are ALL so conveniently present and instantly available as well.  It feels GOOD to think about just spontaneously having a pipe at any moment.  Yet, in the same breath, I feel WORRY (guilt?) about slipping off the wagon.

PipeTobacco

Halloween

With Halloween occurring tomorrow (Saturday), I did carve our pumpkin for our porch and have a candle ready for its innards.  Depending upon my wife's plans for us tomorrow, we will either be home to distribute candy, or we will have an old chair with a big bowl of candy out on the porch, with a sign requesting revelers to take only one or two pieces so everyone will be able to get some candy.  

Interestingly, with the SOARING prices of actual chocolate currently.... due to some sort of cocoa shortage..... the candy favorites we like to give have been in short supply (difficult to find)..... OR other favorites have been REFORMULATED into a version that does not taste as good as it should.  So, my wife made the executive decision to have our treat, this year, be packages of "gummie bears" instead of the usual.  I have to admit that I do like "gummie bears" so that is fine by me.... I will gladly eat any remnants if there are any.  

But, by far, my FAVORITE candy of the Halloween season are HANDS DOWN.....

Brachs Mellocreme Pumpkins

Yes, I know... they are basically the same as Candy Corn (which I also like), but they are about the size of what would be perhaps 3-4 candy corn.... and they are typically softer.... and a bit creamier than are individual candy corn.  

Long ago, they used to have small bags of candy corn (often with a mellocreme pumpkin or two in each bag as well) to distribute to the kids.  But, we have not seen any of those in well over 20 years.  Otherwise.... if they were still around..... THOSE would by my preference to give out to the kids!

Apparently, though, candy corn (nor Mellocreme Pumpkins) are NOT favorites of hardly ANYONE these days.  I have read (far too many than warranted, IMO) comments from folks online who seemingly DESPISE these delicious little candies. I think there may even be an "Anti-Candy Corn" online group or club that I stumbled across one time.  

But, very kindly, my loving wife bought me TWO larger sized bags of MellowCreme Pumpkins that I may dole out to myself for the next several weeks.  

* * * * *

• Running was again pleasant....  after the first mile or so!  :)   
• The Retiree's Cigar Group was so beautifully relaxing and fun!  Most all of the group was there, and it was a time filled with a lot of joking, laughter, and relaxing times!  And, I reverted back and had a 6x60 Cohiba Red Maduro which is a pleasant cigar I have always had good luck with as well.  
• PCS is still ~9.0.  Not sure if that is going to change anytime soon.
• It feels so STRANGE that we are 2/3rds through the semester already!

PipeTobacco

Of Mice and Mazes

 

One of the toys I had received as a very young kid, was the classic labyrinth maze toy like shown above.  If you are not familiar with this toy, it is a maze-shaped board, that is controllable (in terms of tilting left and right, and front-to-back) by the two side knobs shown.  The goal was to navigate a steel marble through the maze from start to finish without falling into any of the holes.  

I remember receiving my labyrinth maze toy at Christmas when I was four years old.  And, even though for my four-year-old self, it was rather beyond my patience and dexterity to succeed at.... I always liked the toy.   It sat in my toy box or on a shelf in my bedroom for quite a while, not played particularly often.  But that changed when I was eleven or twelve, and I "refound" a strong interest in the toy and worked and practiced on it quite frequently until I was rather adept at navigating all the channels successfully.  I really liked the DESIGN of the toy and the DESIGN of the maze on the table of this toy.... and it sort of "imprinted" in my mind.

Advance a couple of years and I was just starting my first year in high school.  My best friend and I... 

(I have sometime in the past written about this friend of mine... we were wholly ensconced in (unfortunately in our minds) the "nerdy, unpopular" group of kids in our school.  He was my friend who I would regularly go seining to catch baby fish (bluegill, pike, darters, catfish, etc) in local streams and ditches to put into aquaira so we could watch and observe them... they were usually about 1 - 1.5 inches long.) 

... were very excited that a science teacher at our high school had decided to have that year, the district's first "Science Fair" it ever held.  We both schemed and discussed what we could DO for our projects for a long time.  He ultimately decided to create a study looking at fish feeding behavior and learning.  I really wanted to really do something with mice.  Eventually, on one of the weekends my parents took me to the public library, I stumbled across a book about mazes and checked it out.  In that book, I learned that the classic labyrinth maze toy was a classic maze shape and was referred to as a "Lasher Maze" based upon a researcher who used this style of maze in testing.   I then had my idea.

I asked my Dad if he thought we might be able to BUILD a "Lasher Maze" for me to use with mice.  He was game to try, and over the course of a weekend and a trip to the lumber yard, he and I worked with his electric and manual hand tools try to build a mouse-appropriate sized version of the maze of my toy.  It was a fun time, and remember fondly working with him as we carefully worked to measure and remeasure our boards to create this maze.  During this work, as with most things, my Dad always had his pipe gripped in his mouth.  By that time, I had already been sporadically "borrowing" and sampling his pipe tobacco myself.... but it was prior to his knowing that I was doing so.... so while I would have ALSO liked to have had a pipe while we worked, it WAS only a pipe dream of mine at the time.  

When we completed the maze, it was actually rather beautiful and was very nicely done!  We painted it with a can of orange spray paint (I already really liked orange by that time), and then cut out of hardware cloth, a cover to place over the maze so the rodents would not climb walls or escape during testing.  

Over the next several weeks my friend and I both worked feverishly on our projects... and we helped each other out in both projects, collecting our data and in writing our science project reports.  We even very carefully followed the tenets of the scientific method we had found in one of our textbooks in science class as we organized and wrote out our projects.  

We and other kids from all the various high school grades eventually submitted their projects for consideration.  There were prizes for each grade level, and an overall winner prize as well.... which was a small trophy.  

On the day of the awards, prizes were first given to each grade-level winner.  My friend and I were greatly disappointed when our grade winner was NOT one of us, but was another kid who had written a report about something to do with how batteries produce electricity.  

Although we were VERY disappointed,  we continued (of course) to stay in the auditorium for the rest of the event..... (I have to admit, though, my friend and I were not paying particularly close attention at that point, and instead were playing various pencil and paper games with each other in one of our notebooks..... "hangman" and "dots and boxes" and "battleship" are the games I remember us doing.)... and eventually it was approaching the end of the event... and they were going to announce the overall winner.

Both my friend and I were presuming it would be a 12th grader who won, and we anticipated it being either this really rather annoying guy in 12th grade who was a rather mean, "teacher's pet" kid for the 12th grade Physics teacher, or this equally rather mean girl who was very snooty to both of us... she did some sort of chemistry report and was also in 12th grade.  

The principal went up to the podium to announce the overall winner..... 

... and he began by talking for a while about all the strong science projects and all the general "political platitudes" about how science is important and on and on.... 

... then he said, that it was very difficult to chose ONE winner, so they had decided to award TWO first place winners for the Science Fair.... 

... and he then read off both MY NAME and MY FRIEND's NAME!!!!!   We were both shocked and amazed!!!!!  It was beyond our imaginations that either of us would have won.... and even more that BOTH of us won.  

Regrettably, there were no additional science fairs that occurred during out time in high school.  The young teacher who had organized this one, was unfortunately pink-slipped (laid off) because of budget cuts in our district... he ended up being one of I think it was 6 teachers that had to be laid off that year due to these budget cuts.  

I still have that maze my Dad and I built.  I actually have some of my rodent researchers use it to run juvenile rats in, as they are similar in size to mice.

*****

• Running was pleasant this morning, even though cold.  It helped me to clear my mind.
• I am aiming to head to the Retiree's Cigar Group this afternoon.  I will be avoiding that dull as dust type of cigar the fellow convinced me to try last week.
• Fortunately, my wife and I have NO scheduled agenda items tonight, and so I can be luxuriously sanguine (I hope) at the Retiree's Cigar Group... and just have fun.  And, my wife and I can leisurely swim afterwards.  
• My wife has a late afternoon on-line meeting with her "Veggie Peeps".... these are a cadre of on-line friends she has that all met when they all were trying to adopt a wholly plant based diet for health.  Even though I would be wholly fine eating a completely plant-based diet.... and there is pretty strong evidence that type of extremely vegan, very low fat diet can be very helpful for reducing risks of heart disease, diabetes, and inflammatory responses in the body.... after trying it for about a month.... my wife and her friends basically gave up on it.  However, they remained friends and meet regularly online.  I actually enjoyed the choices we had during the month she adopted this diet... and would readily go back again if she is ever of  a mind to do so.  

PipeTobacco 

Fitness Age?

This last Monday evening, while at rehearsal (we are now starting rehearsals again after having our Fall Concert Season performances of the last four weeks) there was a lot of chatter, especially while passing out our various new Christmas Holiday sheet music pieces.  One discussion I heard parts of was between a couple of trumpet players discussing their "Fitness Age" which is apparently some sort of calculated value of their athletic age based upon exercise, lifestyle, chronological age, and other factors that is determined by their "gizmo" athletic watch.  I was mildly curious as at least one of these fellows, I know for certain, has a Garmin "gizmo" watch.  

My own, hand-me-down "gizmo" watch that I inherited from my son, long ago, when he proclaimed that it was far "too old and outdated" for his needs.... is also Garmin.  It is the Garmin "Forerunner 235" (I just checked the name of my watch again on the "gizmo" app(lication) on my phone, since I never remember it.).  Hearing the trumpetists talk about this measure had me curious if perhaps my own "gizmo" watch would calculate something similar for old, grey, furry-faced me.... with the hoped for idea that because I actually run.... perhaps seeing a potentially good fitness age for my tired body.... might boost my self esteem and resolve to keep plugging away as I have been.  

I could see that the one Garmin wearing fellow's watch was seemingly much newer (MORE "gizmoey") and more luxurious than my own.... so I doubted he would be able to help me much with my watch, which by today's "standards" would likely be referred to as an "ancient alien" relic of some sort.  So, I did spend a little bit of time trying to figure out myself if my watch has this feature or not.  

Apparently my watch is from the model year of 2015 (Oh, the HORRORS... it is so, so useless, old, and decrepit! (sarcasm).... No wonder there have been probably 10-15 additional "new and improved" models since.... I am now actually surprised my watch does not run on coal, instead of a battery. (sarcasm again)).  In theory, from what I have read on-line, it SHOULD have the capability to discern a "Fitness Age".  But, I followed (attempted to) three slightly different sets of instructions.... none of which revealed this measure.  

So, at this time I am stymied.  Perhaps some day I will take another stab at it.  One measure I have been observing regularly for quite a spell though has been my heart rate.  Most mornings when I first wake up, I glance at what my supposed "resting" heart rate was while I was sleeping.  It has been averaging typically between 45-50 beats per minute. During my runs, on an average day, I sit at somewhere between 120-130.  But, this range while running sometimes makes me feel like a "slacker" of sorts because the "gizmo" watch also tells me graphically that I am only "maintaining" my fitness when I run in that range.  The next level up is called "improving" fitness and indicates gains in aerobic ability.  So, I will on some days, try to PUSH my pace to be more strenuous.... which can be hard to do.  Running at the fastest pace I can muster will typically push my heart rate into the 150s... at least for a period of time.  But running full force also makes me considerably more nervous about tripping/falling.... because it is harder to be as fully aware of the pavement around me when I am attempting to go "full force".  I know that on at least TWO of my trips/falls, they did occur when I was trying to get an "improving" score for that day's run..... and I was running at "full force".  

Another interesting/strange thing I have done is to, a couple of times, watch my heart rate while at the Retiree's Cigar Group.  On the three times I have done this, I did get consistently the same results.  When I got to the shop, I would first go and purchase my cigar, and then go sit down.  I would wait about five minutes (NOT having lit the cigar).... and then glance (surreptitiously, so as not to be questioned about what "weird thing" I was doing) at my heart rate.... it would sit somewhere in the 45-50 bpm range.   Then I would ignite the cigar, and indulge and chat with my friends.  At about the 1/3 of the way through mark..... I would again (surreptitiously) glance at my heart rate on my "gizmo" watch.  The first time I tried this, I was anticipating that the nicotine from the cigar would likely have my heart rate shoot up considerably.  But, I was rather surprised that first time..... and it was exactly the same the two other occasions I checked.... that my heart rate still was parked in the 45 - 50 bpm range..... while indulging in a cigar.  That LACK of any significant change shocked me.  

* * * * *

• Running the last couple of days has generally been good.  But, I admit that for the first 1 - 1.5 miles of my run (~the first 2 km) most days this time of year... it does NOT feel particularly fun, nor enjoyable.  At first, I tend to feel a great deal of stiffness, and I tend to feel rather cold (I am still outside), and the darkness seems to envelop and also permeate my mood (even with the headlamp).  Usually after I warm up some, I feel better and it is more enjoyable.... but at this time of year it CAN feel a bit of a chore initially.... and I need some "mental" support that I had hoped my "fitness age" might provide.
• I STILL need a new pair of running shoes.  I have (even in my miserly mindset) gone WAY TOO LONG between pairs of shoes.  I roughly estimate this pair has stomped its way through ~ 3,500 miles (~5,500 km) of running.  "Expert runners" suggest a new pair is warranted every 500 miles (~800 km) but that is just marketing b*llsh*t IMO.  I do, however TRY to buy a new pair every 1,500 miles (~2,500km).   So, I am WAY overdue.  But, I am having great difficulty finding a shoe I like, as my prior model was CHANGED in its new version into a form I think is bad/dangerous for my running (I should explain more, perhaps in a future post.).  So, I have been looking for a shoe with similar properties of my current pair.
• My PCS still is very high.  Probably a "9" today (down from a "9+" at least.  Maybe it is a Fall thing?  I am not sure.  But, I do feel such a strong, yearning desire for them.  I keep trying to coax myself into being patient... by reminding myself I have PLANS (that I still need to work through) to actually have a pipe on my Dad's birthday in about a month or so.
• I am hoping my wife and I may eat at the U Cafeteria we sometimes have dinner at.  The last time was wonderful, and I hope it is what we will do this evening.

PipeTobacco

More Retirement Musings

My mind routinely alternates back-and-forth concerning retirement thoughts.  I feel akin to being like an alternating current line, just undulating briefly one way and then another.  

Pros to retiring soon (within a year or two):

• having complete flexibility over my schedule (at least OTHER than how my wife may want to shape it)
• not having to deal with those folks who are annoying... at the U
• not having to "big voice lecture" every single day of the workweek
• having the POTENTIAL to do other things more easily... such as music playing, music writing, novel writing, trips, other hobbies
• having greater POTENTIAL to do meaningful volunteer actitivies.... working with the Catholic Diocesan Office in some capacity, working at the Soup Kitchen more routinely, etc
• having the potential to find a "part-time, hobby" job.... perhaps working part time at a hardware store (big box like Lowes, Home Depot, etc.... or locally owned), perhaps having a part-time gig at a pipe/tobacco shop, perhaps having a part-time gig at a music store
• potentially being able to adopt a "snow-bird" lifestyle..... 1/2 the year (Summer/Fall) up North, 1/2 the year (Winter/Spring) down South

Cons to retiring soon:

• missing teaching in the classroom
• missing interaction with the students
• missing working with my rodents, flies and nematodes
• missing some really nice people at the U
• financial ambiguities..... not necessarily "worries" since in THEORY we are "safe", but more like.... having to figure out a whole new mindset towards looking at income, spending, etc.... my mind is still so fixed on the notion of "work hard as hell, spend as little as possible, save as much as possible".... but living on a retirement income is SO VASTLY different than the mindset that navigated my adult life.... it seems like it needs to be a whole philosophical/emotional  change... and seems scary in many ways
• missing my routine
• potential "loss of purpose" in life... who will I be, who will I become.  How will it be to no longer be a professor or a researcher.... do I have the energy, the fortitude, the stamina to become something else?  Or will I whither away into complete meaninglessness?  

Fun?

• in theory... life..... and life in retirement.... is meant to be fun and enjoyable.  It may sound melodramatic and hyperbolic to some degree..... but I am not sure if I know any longer.... how to have or feel "fun".  
• I do know how to "fill time" and some of that is work, some of it is not work.  And, some of it is "enjoyable".... there is no doubt about that.  But, is it "fun"?  I am not sure.
• It seems when I was younger, life was FILLED with "fun".  But, that feels and seems elusive to me now.  I am not sure I know how to find that again. 

So, I am trying to determine what are the "real and legitimate" thoughts and feelings that I SHOULD focus on, versus those thoughts and feelings that may, in the greater scheme of things be of lower or less importance.  

It is strangely HARDER than I thought it would be to figure out.   I think (very unrealistically I now realize) I had THOUGHT it would be a process akin to a "light switch" in that there would just come a point and either a) I would die before I could retire, or b) a switch would toggle, and I would immediately know to retire and have my whole gameplan.

I was more naive about this than I thought.  And, it is more frightening than I anticipated.  If I were to retire.... my old life seems "done"..... and yet, whatever my new life may be is undefined, unclear, and uncertain.  Those "un" words are damn scary.

• I ran this morning.  It was important for me to do so, as I had dreams (er, more truthfully nightmares) where I relived all the sh*t about the kid I do not talk about any longer.  I woke up very angry and frustrated.  I awoke, wanting to hide from the day and just lay in bed.  
• But, I pounded out the miles to dissipate my anger and my hurt.  It is, of course, not gone.... but it is "farther away" than it was when I awoke.
• Now I will just work through the day as best as I can

PipeTobacco