No News So Far

No news so far.  It is frustrating.  The ultrasound appears to be "still on" and so I am going to take my wife to that in just a bit.  

I am tired.  I have though, successfully squashed my internal emotional whirlwind down so that I am able to exist as a fellow without affect through most of the day.  I have no energy, other than to try to adopt a smile and an attempt at laughter when about my wife helping her.  It does no good to emote the worry, the frustration, the anger (at these delays) I have inside.

Sometimes I do not know who I am any longer.

PipeTobacco

Waiting Game

We were granted the "luxury" of having an MRI on Sunday.  Now, we are just in a state of waiting for potential results.  I am not sure when this may happen.  But, at least we now have a scan.

I am not sure if it is stupid or not, but we ALSO have an "ultrasound" of the knee scheduled for tomorrow.  I do not believe an ultrasound reveals anything beyond what an MRI reveals, so I am thinking that the powers that be forgot to cancel the ultrasound, and the ultrasound folks had a "drop out" and called us with this new information that an earlier space became available.  

Again, from my understanding, the MRI is definitive of showing in a non-invasive way what is going on.  Again, from my understanding, the ultrasound is a lesser test, typically done to "see" if there a warranted need for an MRI in health-speak.  

Health care is even more screwed up than I had previously recognized.  

But, I am HOPING for some good news SOME DAY if the MRI is ever read by the specialist, and if the results are ever submitted to the primary care physician, and if the primary care physician ever attempts to examine the specialist's notes, and if the primary care physician ever decides to inform us (technically, my wife) of her recommendations and of a treatment plan.  

PipeTobacco

Hoping

Well, my wife's rather strident and adamant pleas appear to have at least STARTED some things.  Of that I am glad. 

• She has a doppler now scheduled for today because her lower calf is swollen and the clinicians want to (hopefully) rule out there being blood clots in her lower leg.  (This is ~2.5 weeks after the event.) 
• Depending upon the findings, she may or may not be able to be potentially "squeezed in" perhaps on Saturday or perhaps on Sunday (no guarantee of either date) to have a "rush" ultrasound or perhaps a "rush" MRI.  Again, it is all vague, but IF it transpires, it will be about 1 week earlier than the prior scheduled ultrasound. (If either occurs, it would be ~3 weeks after the event.... a modest improvement compared to the scheduled time which would be ~4 weeks after the event.)

With all this, we try to carry on as best as we can. She has been sleeping downstairs on the couch since this happened because it is too painful and too scary and too dangerous to try to navigate stairs without ANY sort of diagnosis.  She has been working remotely when possible, and I have brought her into work when remote is not viable using her sister's wheelchair.  

We have been able to go swimming a couple of times.  We use the wheelchair to go to the pool, to get her into the pool area and back from the pool.  I believe this is helpful and beneficial as she needs some sort of movement for health, and the buoyancy of the water dramatically reduces the pressures/forces on her leg while walking in the pool (gently).  With the decreased pressures/forces, I believe/hope the risk of further injury is very low.  

We are trying to keep a positive attitude.  Mine is more of a facade, as I am quite worried and anxious all the time, and I am rather exhausted with the additional things I need to do (and add to my already busy plate) to try to keep my wife safe and to try to help keep her spirits up too.

PipeTobacco

Perhaps Today

Perhaps today will be the day to actually get some diagnosis, some guidance, some THING.  But, I sincerely doubt it.

My wife has a doctor's appointment with her primary care physician today.  It was scheduled three months ago, so that is the only reason we have this appointment (which was for her diabetes care).  But, my wife (hopefully) will be strong, and determined, and adamant with her to GET SOME ANSWERS and to GET THE SCAN SHE NEEDS.  

It has been just about two weeks now.  NOTHING has changed or resolved.  And, we are still two weeks away from an ULTRASOUND which will be pretty much useless.  I think my wife has to get mad and demand that this is CRITICAL and she NEEDS an MRI IMMEDIATELY.  

I keep suggesting she should simply go back to the emergency room and have a fit there about her knee so that the ER folks may just do the scan.  But, that is not the "right" way to get things done..... but NEITHER IS THIS "following the damn rules".  

My wife has basically been nearly immobile for two weeks which is NOT good for her overall health and wellness.  It is a nightmare related to work too. It is exhausting and it does not nor should it be like this. 

PipeTobacco

Not Knowing

Just trying to update for a moment:

Last Tuesday, after I had finished my "Twee" post, I was doing some work and my wife called, to let me know she had experienced some "trouble".  As she was getting into her car, her leg, at the knee, made a made an horrendously loud snapping sound and extreme pain shot through her leg.

She was at the emergency room (having driven herself there before calling me).  They proceeded to X-RAY her hip (not her knee?!?!?!) and sent her on her way saying it was "sciatica". 

It has been one nightmare after another since then.  She SHOULD have had a scan (MRI) of her knee to evaluate if there was a ligament tear or rupture.  Then we would actually KNOW where we stand.  But, no, it has been utter insanity since:

• my wife has been resting at home with her leg elevated 
• by Wednesday, I had convinced my wife she needed to contact her primary care physician to try to get an MRI of her knee.
• her primary care physician is not particularly responsive and ultimately did not even talk with my wife, but by late in the day THURSDAY had her nurse schedule an X-RAY of her knee.  This is utterly foolish, as an X-Ray will NOT show any soft tissue damage (like a ligamental tear or rupture).  
  

What we are concerned about is that NO ONE has examined or looked at the KNEE.  This is where the loud snapping sound occurred when the pain occurred.  The worry/risk is that IF a ligament has been damaged, my wife could in just a matter of a few steps (if her leg is not fully stable) tear her Meniscus at the knee joint.  

If my wife has "sciatica" and no knee problem, it could resolve itself in roughly 1-2 weeks.

If my wife has a ligamental tear, it could require surgery, but with a recovery time of perhaps 3 weeks.

BUT, if my wife has a ligamental tear, and she further damages her Meniscus by walking on the injury, this type of surgery and recovery can take 6 months to a year to heal properly.  

And, with my wifes diabetes, and other issues, including not really being strong enough to use crutches safely.... the NEED AND GOAL is to avoid a Meniscal Tear. 

• But no one listens to her or us.  We got the damn X-Ray on Friday at 8:00am.  It was never evaluated by the clinic nor her doctor by the end of the day on Friday.  So, we were wholly immobile all weekend.
• Monday, my wife spent a lot of the day on the phone trying to get some response from her doctor.
• Tuesday, the doctor next instructed her nurse to order an "ultrasound" of the knee which will NOT tell a damn thing either.  And, there are no appointments available to GET a damn ultrasound until MARCH 5th!  And.... it is USELESS for what my wife needs.

I feel as if we are in some alternative universe where no one does what they are supposed to do.  My wife NEEDS a simple MRI of her knee to either rule out or confirm there is ligamental damage.  Pure and simple.  We cannot get this accomplished.  She is nearly immobile.  The walking she does to go to the bathroom is with a cane we borrowed from her Mom.  And, we borrowed a wheelchair from my SIL so that I can when needed push her around.  This is NOT good for my wife's overall health.

But, we do not want her to try to walk normally if she has a ligamental tear that could in a matter of a mistep or two.... lead to an injury that could require perhaps a year of recovery and a lot of down time.  

I am angry at health care.  I am scared and worried for my wife.  I am struggling to also try to do my normal work and not fall into an abyss of getting behind, which would only ramp up stresses further than they currently are.

This is why I have been away.

PipeTobacco

Twee

On our Amazon Fire Stick we have been exceedingly delighted to watch a variety of art programs.  We have been slowly working through various seasons of Sky Arts "Portrait Artist of the Year" and Sky Arts "Landscape Artist of the Year".  Both programs are from Great Britain.  

Both programs are exceptionally inspiring and enjoyable in every regard.  We have a habit/pattern of watching an episode of one of the above programs each week as we eat a "special" Sunday Breakfast together.  

Three judges..... all three are wonderful, but I especially enjoy Tai-Shan Schierenberg, who is also a well renowned painter/artist (a painting of him is shown at the top of this post).  I like listening and learning from him about art and art theory.  He has a very "teacher-like" quality in his manner of speaking that I like a great deal because he helps me to learn.

Well... the subject of this post is a word that I had not heard before watching this program....... "Twee".  This new-to-me word was one that was fairly easy to discern from the context cues of how each of the three judges would often use the term.  However, its formal definition is:

Twee - adjective (British English)

• excessively or affectedly quaint, pretty, or sentimental   

In looking at Google's Ngram Viewer (a web tool that attempts to show the relative usage of a given word over time), for Twee, it can be seen that it has been around for a long time (at least ~1800) but that its rate of usage (probably as a colloquial expression) took off ~2002 :

I am not sure if that will be readable or not, but the red line indicates how "twee" has taken off in usage since 2002.  

Language is fun and interesting to learn about.  I wonder if "Twee" is something more folks in Canada may be familiar with.  I do not think many in the US have heard the word often if at all.  

PipeTobacco

Lost and Not Yet Found

I have misplaced the file where I have written responses to comments.  I think perhaps I left it on my computer at home instead of transferring it to the flash drive that I normally do.  I tend to do this with all my files.... I may work on one computer or another, but I try to faithfully transfer things I do on one machine to the other via a flash drive.  When I find where the file is sitting, I will get up the "comments" post I had been promising.  

Thinking about the upcoming Lent, I really need to give thought to what my plan will be during this season.  I feel I need to try to find ways to accomplish a few different things:

1.  I want to evaluate AT LEAST ONE area in my life that I feel I need to fix or improve in myself.  And, when I figure out which one or more are most meaningful to try to fix or improve..... to develop a plan of attack towards fixing them.  

2.  I want to determine AT LEAST ONE new way I can work to serve others, and I want to find and actively and consistently become involved in that sort of service in a long-term, permanent way.  

3.  I want to find a way (perhaps scheduled) to spend some time in quiet and peacefulness to try to wrestle through some worries, fears, and some potentially excessive expectations about what retirement may be like.

The above seem to be the items I want to figure out in the next several days.  I suspect I may end up writing about the above here as well, as Lent progresses..... but first I have to figure out my parameters.  

• I had thought about potentially giving up my once a week cigar with the fellows for Lent.  But, ultimately, I have decided to not do this as I feel psychologically the friendship I have there is too important to my well being.  
• There are so many failings and weaknesses I have that I am not sure how to narrow the focus to one or a couple that I feel I could potentially make some true, tangible progress on.  I think the key is I have to find the one-or-more items that I have at least some sense within myself that I CAN muster up the energy to work to fix in myself.  
• I want to find some form of service that I can manage within my rather hectic schedule, but I would be especially pleased if I could figure out a way to find a form of service that different or outside the realm of what I try to do now.  

Hmm.  And, there are so many things to think about and consider as I approach eventually retiring.  It boggles the mind in many ways.  I have to try to put those issues down here on paper to make them more tangible for me.

• And, as I am now approaching what I believe is EIGHT full years fasting away from my pipes and pipe tobaccos (sans the single bowlful on my Dad's 100th, 101st, and 102nd birthdays).... I am wondering and beginning to think that maybe I need to "re-evaluate" this fast.  I am not feeling particularly sure about it anymore.

So many things to think about.  Such a brief time before Lent starts.  Even though the start date is intermediate  within the dates it has fallen (it is not overly early).... for some reason, its impending start has caught me off guard a bit.  I do not feel ready.

PipeTobacco