Stuff Stuffed

 

Just taking a few moments to write here and try to eat a bit before I rush downstairs to inject ~three dozen chicken eggs for a classroom laboratory experience late in the week.  I will use bullet points to try to keep myself more succinct:

• Very, very happily, even though my wife was only able to have TWO physical therapy sessions last week (she is scheduled for three a week, and with availability at the therapy center rather limited, last week a third one was not available).... she reports that the therapy DOES feel positive and helpful for her!  I believe she has been able to secure three spots each week for future weeks, so that is good as well.  
• I am SO stuffed with things to do, that if I try to look at the big picture, it makes my head spin.  I have to play catch-up on a lot of things that were pushed aside while caring for my wife when she was immobile, I have the "normal" research and teaching of any typical week, and I have in roughly two weeks, a cadre of UNDERGRAD, NEOPHYTE researchers who are going to be making their first "big splash" into the world of science by giving talks of their research.  These neophytes need considerable "hand holding" as they work through building their talks, experiencing the jitters and occasional meltdowns they are prone to as this is often their first time "on stage" etc.  
• Running, which has been an agonizing chore of late, but I damn-doggedly FORCE myself to do it.... is about the only think neutralizing some stress.  But, when the alarm clatters at 4:55am, I do admit to cursing under my breath as I force myself out of bed to dress in the running clothes.  
• Pipes.... as is always the case, and is likely to be forever true.... my thoughts and memories of the many, many absolutely beautiful, luxuriously tranquil pipes I have enjoyed over the decades help me to quiet my mind every evening to help me to sleep.  Even though it sounds silly, I am beginning to earnestly think that, somehow..... for me.... and perhaps me alone..... pipes and pipe tobaccos are in some fashion..... yes it sounds foolish.... but in some fashion are MAGICAL for me, or my physiology, or something.  It seems more and more true to me, and not hyperbole.
• After having missed a couple of sessions at the Retiree's Cigar Group, I am hopeful that THIS WEEK, I will be able to return.  The return, of course, at this time of academic year, however, is still LATE.... but I am hopeful there may be one or two stragglers from the group there to commiserate with.  If not, I plan to bring the new novel I am reading.

I could talk (write) a whole helluva lot more, as it feels good to release some of these thoughts to paper (well, electronic "paper"... but you know what I mean) and get them out of my head for a while.  But, I have a date with some chicks I have to attend to.

PipeTobacco

Wiped Out

I am regrettably feeling wholly wiped out and it is only 9:30am.  It is more emotional rather than physical, even though I do not feel up-to-snuff physically either (sore muscles, TMJ, very itchy, dry skin from winter).  

I know a lot of the emotional malaise is just part of the recovery from the month-long anxiety about my wife.  She has been doing well in physical therapy, though, so that is good.  So much worry, stress, and anxiety occurred during that month-long process that we both squelched, that now that she is on the road to mend, as the stress dissipates and we work to resume normal day-to-day life.... we both feel more exhausted.  In many ways, the stress forces a "reset" where we have to pick up a lot of pieces of a disrupted routine and work to re-establish them..... which can be exhausting when you have to try to "catch up" on things that did not get done.  

We had a "teaser" of Spring on Sunday and Monday with temperatures in the 50s.  But, last night, temperatures plunged back down to gloomy winter and we had thunderstorms and ice storms.  Our region also had quarter sized hail around 11pm last night, and this morning, ice covered everything.  Fortunately, it was only a little less than 1/4 inch of ice, so it will likely break and melt apart today as we are anticipated to at least get up to 37-38 degrees.  

I feel very old today.  I feel very worn out.  I need to figure out a way to turn around my mindset.  It is, however, hard to figure out how to do this some days..... and today it feels like an exceptionally daunting task.  

PipeTobacco

Trying to Return to "Normal"

Lots of things have been "slid around" and shifted and pushed aside the last four weeks for me to try to help my wife as best as I could.  With things returning to some semblance of "normal" I need to try to wrangle back into place all the things I have been supposed to be doing and may have been doing to some degree, but am lagging in where I SHOULD BE regarding work, regarding home tasks, regarding most everything in normal day-to-day events.  

So, I am trying to rustle these things back into place.  It is tiring to do, and I feel the weight of my needing to do these things.  I stayed up until around 2am last night working on research related items for my research students who are gearing up for a big meeting several of them will be presenting at at the end of the month.  

Today, I am hoping to get my lectures back into shape so I can be on the normal trajectory by the end of the week.  I am trying to write up exams to get them to the secretary for production by graphics in the next day or so.  

Unfortunately, we have a public concert tonight, and while I normally enjoy such things, it is at the moment, just a task to complete so I can check it of my very long list of things I need to do.

I am hoping my wife's physical therapy goes well, and that they encourage her to continue swimming with me..... if that is recommended, I am hoping to squeeze in some swimming with my wife before heading to the concert. 

PipeTobacco 

Well...

We went to the 8:00am appointment.  Unfortunately, the clinician was running late in getting to the hospital, so we were there for a while.  But, that was ok.

Happily, he was a very nice, careful, and concerned fellow who treated my wife very kindly and with thorough care.  After seeing her walk, and in checking all sorts of external features of her leg's musculature, and testing tonicity, strengths of muscle, and tension in resting muscle, he then also looked at the results of the MRI testing.  

His conclusions were that my wife has a tear of her anterior cruciate ligament (ACL), which I also knew from reading the summary of my wife's MRI. BUT... he also felt that the ligamental tear was incomplete (partial) and small enough...... that it DID NOT require surgery!  Instead, he suggested that prescribed physical therapy would be the best way to proceed, with the therapy helping in tensions in the knee region, in building a better gait (my wife tends to splay her feet), and that the incomplete tear can and will be able to heal and re-establish with the help of the therapy.  She has been prescribed three sessions of physical therapy a week for six weeks until she has her next visit with the clinician.  

He further encouraged my wife to continue swim-walking, and to walk (with conscious efforts to hold feet in the paddle-forward stance) as much as could be done comfortably.  

It was extremely good news, and both my wife and I are very happy.  She did walk (gingerly and slowly) with the conscious effort of maintaining a paddle-forward stance.  She could feel it was difficult (but not in the knee) because her muscles had tightened and been aligned for the "splayed" stance she had been using.  

We both are very happy and hopeful.  We are also both wholly exhausted!  As I believe is quite common when experiencing significant stress, worry, and fear.... once those emotions dissipate.... there is a period of recovery where you feel good.... but also "wiped out" physically and emotionally for a while.  That is how we both felt last night and also this morning.  

But, it is such a good feeling to feel.... compared to all of the last month. This is the very best diagnosis/outcome we could have hoped for.  We were able to contact the physical therapy facility and she will start Monday.

PipeTobacco

"Hope", But Zero Trust

Yesterday, we did not hear ANYTHING back from the orthopedic specialist.  My wife and I were both feeling emotionally distraught and agitated all day, waiting and hoping for a call.  

By later in the day we were both so out of sorts.  We talked and decided my wife should call back into the "specialist" group.  The receptionist who answered immediately did the same sort of "run-around" dismissive crap to my wife that had been going on with every receptionist with every medical event of the past weeks..... including not being able to find records, and all sorts of related garbage.

I am of the opinion that in the current state of US health care, most receptionists have as their primary role to be "bodyguards" of sorts for any clinician.... basically obfuscating, lying, distracting, and doing any damn thing they can to not have to assist patients.

In the last several days, I do not know HOW MANY TIMES my wife was told that a) no records were showing (and they WERE SHOWING in each case, but the receptionist could not initially find them), b) that the test provider (for the MRI for instance) has not reported any results to the primary care physician (even though they had been visible to my wife (AND THE DOCTOR) for at least three days, before the clinician then told us the doctor would not be in until next week),  c) that "someone" would get back to us "later in the day" (which never happened and we had to basically call and call and call through the process again the next day).  

So.... at the end of the day yesterday, my wife called the "orthopedic specialist group" back.... went through the rigamarole AGAIN of "no medical records" (not true), "no indication of a prior contact to this group"  (again, not true, and further investigation by the same damn receptionist she talked to yesterday, finally uncovered the prior contact), and "no one is available" (same old shit as has been going on)...... finally my wife broke down in tears on the phone with the person, reiterating (AGAIN) that is has been four weeks and no diagnosis nor treatment plan has occurred.  

My wife was placed on hold while she was sobbing.  

When the receptionist eventually returned, she told my wife that she could schedule her in with "Dr. XXX" at 8:00am Friday (which as I write this, is today, even though the call was last night).  

My wife and I are "cautiously" relieved that TODAY, at least there MIGHT be SOME SORT OF PROGRESS. 

However, the jaded part of me is expecting there to be some sort of additional crap and nonsense that will make the appointment not really happen.  

But, we shall see.  I would so love for my wife to have a diagnosis, and a treatment plan, so that she can progress and heal.  I am so worried that with her other health concerns, that this month of extremely limited mobility may have harmed her and weakened her in ways that scare the hell out of me.  

I want there to be some support today, some movement, some sort of PLAN for her to heal.

I am very fearful that this will not happen.  I feel as if we are in a vat of quicksand, and we are struggling to not sink further, with every struggle, we are falling only inches away from when the quicksand will swallow us whole.

PipeTobacco 

Never Ending

Yesterday was frustrating chaos.

My wife and I prepared to go to the ultrasound and then left to go there.  We signed in, and sat in the waiting room for roughly an hour when a clinician came out and told us.

"We are cancelling your ultrasound as it is unnecessary because you had an MRI."

Which is what I had been saying and asking about every damn day since we received the APPOINTMENT for the MRI many, many, many days ago.

So, we went home.  My wife's primary care physician still had not examined the MRI results even though they had been up for a few days already, so I convinced my wife to call and indicate that she NEEDED to have the diagnosis and to have an appointment to figure out what to do.

She called.

A nurse informed her that her primary care physician would not be in until NEXT WEEK some time.

My wife cried.  I blew a gasket.

My wife now is trying to see if she can circumvent the primary care physician and schedule an appointment with an orthopedic specialist (we are not sure if that will be allowed or not).  

I am so frustrated that words cannot even begin to describe my thoughts and mood.  This was yesterday.  I am still as irate as I was feeling yesterday.

PipeTobacco

After

Well, yesterday, a short while after my post,  my wife received a phone call from the hospital that she had the rescheduled appointment for her ultrasound.  They told her that the appointment had was cancelled due to something associated with the ultrasound clinician.  Instead, they told her that they rescheduled the ultrasound for TODAY at 11:30am.  My wife was not pleased, nor was I.  

I am also not pleased we have still not heard anything back from my wife's doctor concerning the MRI.  

I find it discouragingly interesting that a) we are still having an ultrasound, even though the MRI is a more detailed scan, b) the original ultrasound was still a ways away, but the one we had for yesterday was had by being on a cancellation list (a list for folks hoping to get an earlier appointment because someone has their test cancelled by their doctor)..... but due to whatever is going on with the ultrasound clinician.... we immediately were rescheduled for today, and c) it is damn near FOUR weeks and my wife still has absolutely NO diagnosis NOR treatment plan.

I am tired. I feel like giving up.

I made vegetarian stuffed peppers this morning and have them in the refrigerator for us to bake tonight.  One of our kids, who is vegetarian, is going to probably come over and eat dinner with us tonight.  We will also have baked potatoes and salad.

PipeTobacco