Yadda

Tuesdays are my especially long teaching day, so I am fairly bushed at the moment from yammering through all my classes.  One class had an exam, though, so that gave me a bit of a rest for my voice. 

• Ran 10 miles this morning (~16km).  
• It was -4 degrees this morning (~ -20 C).  Our first cold snap of this rather different winter.  We normally would be having temperatures all January typically in this range and often into February too.  But, early in January we had a VERY UNUSUAL warm couple of days (~40 degrees (~ 4.5 C)) that also had HEAVY RAIN that melted all our snow.  It was only this past weekend that we had a normal snowstorm again (~ 7-8 inches (~ 17-20 cm)) that made our landscape white again.  Then the cold snap settled in.  
• Some impending challenges with the situation I no longer discuss here have kept both me and my wife a bit on edge.
• PCS ..... I did  not post them (or post anything) during the week while I was away.  Yet, I wrote the PCS scores down while I was not feeling well, and it fluctuated:  
• Friday evening at the start of the illness = 2
• Saturday = 0
• Sunday = 1
• Monday = 1
• Tuesday = 3
• Wednesday = 5
• Thursday = 7
• Friday = 7
• Saturday = 6
• Sunday = 8
• From the above, I can see that during the days I felt the worst, my PCS was almost absent.

• PCS for yesterday = 7
• PCS for today = 8.  I was daydreaming about pipes while the students were taking their exam in my one class today.  A student came up to ask me about one of the questions on the exam, and because I was lost in thought, she actually nudged me a bit to get my attention.  I felt a bit foolish, but it was what it was.  
• I feel rather famished today, even though I ate all my food.  I did not mention much about this, but during the Holiday Season, I gained ~5 pounds (~2.25 kg) which seems pretty typical for me during the last several years.  With my lack of eating during a few days when I was feeling especially under the weather, I lost some of that accumulated gain, and when I weighed myself last Sunday, I am now am only ~1 pound ( ~ 1/2 kg) above where I was prior to Thanksgiving.  That little bit of variance can happen easily week-to-week regardless, so I am basically back to my steady state weight of ~163 pounds (~74 kg, ~11.5 stone).  This gives me a BMI of 22.1, right damn in the center of the range of normal BMI.  That is good.

So, today is just a list of "stuff".  Hopefully, since I feel rather up-to-snuff again, I can get more expository types of writing up again in the next few days.  I have a lot of things I have been wanting to get down onto this electronic paper.  Some examples off the top of my head:

• a pop (soda) adventure I had
• a story about a play seen
• my finishing my writing about my Chicago trip
• a funny band story
• a "pipedream" of something I would really like to do musically
• a discussion of an interesting science article I recently read
  
• and many more.

PipeTobacco

 

Illness - Struggles

Unfortunately, two Fridays ago... when I had plans to work like a dog all day to get a lot done, did not fully pan out to be.  By early afternoon, I started to feel rather nauseous.  I went home.  By that evening I had a substantial fever.  

I slept all day Saturday.  Because of the nausea, I did not eat anything after breakfast on Friday.

Sunday, I was utterly wiped out from this illness.  It was what I would guess is some sort of  "flu-like" thing.  But, fortunately, Sunday I no longer had a fever nor nausea, just exhaustion.  Because I no longer had a fever, I ended up going to LATE Sunday Mass (6:30pm) and wore a mask.  I was nervous about the nausea returning, so I did not eat.... but did consume a huge amount of water and other fluids (aka coffee). 

Monday, I still felt utterly exhausted, but needed to get some damn running miles in otherwise I would never keep the goal of 50 miles a week.  I struggled through and ran only 7 miles (~11 km).  It was all I could muster to get done.  I was wiped out.  At work, I was lethargic and doing the minimum I could to get through the day.  I left the U immediately after my last class.   I sent an e-mail to my conductor at the band telling him I could not come to rehearsal that evening.   I gingerly ate a small meal that evening. 

Tuesday, I was still tired, but I could "sense" I was getting my "old-self" back in some fashion.... meaning, I WAS getting through whatever this damn thing was.  I was able to have a bit more energy with my lectures, and although I was still tired as hell, I forced myself to run 11 miles (~18 km) so I could HOPEFULLY still get to  my 50 mile (~81 km) goal by the end of the week.  

Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday.... I finally felt back to normal, but because of my sloth-like ways and my giving the other needed work I should have accomplished during the weekend and early week (grading papers, writing exams, writing research applications, submitting a renewal application for  a research proposal still in progress), I ended up having to work extended hours at the U and at home those days to try to catch up.  

Saturday, I finally DID accomplish my 50th mile for the damn hard week.  I was relieved I also finished my last exam for next week.  I was relieved.... I am basically caught back up to where I should be.

Sunday, I rested, and my wife and I also went swimming in the afternoon.  It was (sadly) the fifth anniversary of my Father-In-Law's passing.  My wife and I talked a lot about him, and our memories of him, and how we missed him. 

Hopefully this week will be more typical.

PipeTobacco 

Robbing Peter to Pay Paul !

 

Only a brief post, but I have to say I am "robbing Peter to pay Paul" at the moment and I am damn glad and literally exuberant in doing so!

The phrase "robbing Peter to pay Paul" technically means to take money from one person and use it to pay someone else.  Yet, in a colloquial sense the phrase has broader application.  

My own "robbing Peter to pay Paul" moment arose just a few moments ago when I read an e-mail telling us that our Department Meeting for tomorrow has been CANCELLED!!!!!!  I was literally overjoyed at the news.  This news allows me:

• to NOT waste 2-3 hours hearing various folks yammer about items not really needing to be discussed.
• to have more time in preparing and fixing materials for my classes (as it is still in the start period of the semester, I have quite a bit of finessing to do to ensure each runs smoothly).  
• to have a more flexible arrival time at the U tomorrow morning. 
• to spend more time finessing and fixing a few things in my lab, so that the research projects stay on track and focused.   
• potentially more time to write.... including here!
  

So, you may ask, "How the hell is the above a 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' moment?"

Well.... by having the meeting cancelled for tomorrow.... it guarantees that we WILL be having a Department Meeting next Friday.  And.... it damn near guarantees that next week's meeting will last the FULL THREE HOURS.  

Yet... for today and tomorrow at least.... I will rejoice!

* * * * *

I ran only 9 miles (~14.5 km) this morning.  I unfortunately slept through my alarm for about 20 minutes and this caused me to end up arriving at the track and start my hoofing around at 6:30am.  I was unable to complete the full 10 miles (~16 km) that I needed before I ran out of time.  I had to get home, clean up and get to the U for my class. So, I have to make up the missing distance tomorrow.  

PCS = 7 today.  It continues to remain a strong pull that I feel towards wanting to smoke my pipes.

My memory captured a small snippet of the dream I must have been experiencing as I was sleeping through the clanging of my alarm this morning.  The small piece of dream I recall has me sitting at one of my lab benches.  

It "feels" like it is probably the early-to-mid 1980s as I was wearing a plain, short-sleeve, light blue, button-down shirt.  I only wear short-sleeve shirts in the heat of the Summer, and only when I am not teaching (I always, no matter the heat, wear at least a long-sleeve button-down shirt and tie (and usually a sport jacket) when teaching.).  Yet, at the same time, I was my blustery, old, grey hairs and big bearded countenance I am today.  So it was a bit odd.  But, on those occasions today when I am just puttering around in my lab...and I wear a short sleeve shirt, they stopped being plain by the late 1980s and have been since that time  what I call a “peacock shirt” which is some sort of collared, button-down shirt that is a brightly colored, printed shirt of the garish "tacky-tourist" variety.

Well, in this dream snippet.... I am peering through my dissecting microscope at some sort of specimen I have stained on a slide.  As was common for me back in the good-old-days, I had wonderfully flavored pipe tobacco smoldering in the bowl of a pipe I had clamped between my teeth with the stem cantilevered to the side of my mouth, so the bowl of my pipe would not get in my way while peering through the ocular lens of the scope.   That is the remembered part of the dream... in total.

PipeTobacco  

  

Reference

 

The last few days have led me to feel a bit of melancholy.  As you may recall, in the last ~2 years there have been a number of deaths of close friends & colleagues in my Department and in a few close friends in other areas of the U (causes of deaths varied.... suicides, heart attacks, strokes,).  

People not regularly in academy may not realize this, but the death of a professor/mentor/advisor will often have some rather long-lasting impact on not only family and friends, but on students.  When my one most recent friend passed, he left behind a few research students, and also had a small cadre of students who had recently graduated and were trying to continue on in their career journey.  For the current research students, it is (of course) traumatic... but it is often possible to help them by having them switch labs and sometimes even emphases of their work while still at the U.  I absorbed many of these students for my friend.  But, for the recent graduate, this death can be PROFOUNDLY traumatic, as my friend was these students mentor/advisor.... these student's next steps are typically paved by a myriad of applications to institutions and need to be accompanied by LETTERS of recommendation and/or DIRECT verbal communication between the mentor/advisor and the place the students are attempting to move to.  

Unfortunately,  my friend's death has left two of his graduated students in this sort of lurch.  I am attempting to be these two student's mentor by proxy.  In the last few days I have had to write a letter outlining my friend's passing in a letter of recommendation for one of these students, and I have had a phone discussion with a destination institution for both of these students.  I am relatively capable of outlining my friend's work and his students are appreciative, although I know I am not adept at trying to portray the nuances of his work.  And, I hope my by proxy status and efforts will HELP these students on their journey. But, it is also disorienting and disheartening to vividly re-live the death of my friend in order to supply enough detail and credence to the letter I wrote and to the conversations I have had with these institutions. 

* * * * *

PCS = 8.5 ... the pull towards the pipe is very strong today, the desire to indulge also very strong today, the wish to quell my mind with the saturation of it with smoke of a heavy, intensive pipe tobacco is immense.   

Ran 10.0 miles (~16km).  My legs (especially the "hamstrings") were extremely tight afterwards today.  I tried to double the length of time of all my stretches afterwards.... and specifically tripled the length of time stretching the "hamstrings".  I hope it helps. 

My wife and I did go swimming yesterday.  It was very helpful.  We are HOPING to go again today... if possible.  

I unfortunately have a Parish Council Meeting tonight.  I truthfully do not want to go.  From the agenda, it sounds like all the REAL work could be accomplished in the form of a simple e-mail.  Yet, sadly folks will likely yammer for a good 2.5 hours.  I likely will not be home until 10:00pm.  (heavy sigh)

PipeTobacco

Dog Dead Tired

Not sure why, but I am dog-dead tired.  I am planning to HOPEFULLY swim with my wife ~5:30pm tonight, and I suspect that may rejuvenate me a bit.  

Brief overview of my day:

• 10.1 miles ran  (~16 km) (hit the track at 6:03am).
• Had the dog do her "constitutional" and then got ready to head to work.
• Arrived at the U at 8:40am.
• Ate a banana.
  
• Reviewed my upper division lecture to make sure I knew what the hell I was going to be talking about.
• Hoofed to and Taught A&P1
• Hoofed to and Taught my upper division class
• Hoofed to and Taught A&P2
• Ate more food.
• Wrote out some "philosophical thoughts" to try to guide my youngest son with some of the decisions he is trying to make.  He is unfortunately a bit stubborn (or maybe the term "alternatives-blind" is a good one) about not easily seeing other options. He tends to imagine there is always only "one way to skin a cat" as the old saying goes.  He often cannot see past that presumed way he initially envisions. 
  
•  Graded some papers.

I can also happily state that my research students successfully submitted four abstracts.  I am glad for them.  Now, I have to work more strenuously on coaching them how to talk about and present their data and how to navigate the professional science meeting environment. 

PCS - 8... I think being more "tired" enhances my cravings a bit.  One of my very fond memories from when I first became a professor, were the early semesters when I had one day each week where I had a continual teaching schedule that ended at the late hour of 10:00pm.  I remember the sheer exhaustion I felt as I traipsed from my building at the U into the far parking lot where my rusty, yet trusty truck of the time was parked.  But, I ALSO remember the sheer, nearly intoxicating joy I felt upon sitting down in the cab of my truck, opened the driver's side window and methodically, yet a bit feverishly filled the bowl of my pipe with the dark leaf, and drew the flame from my Zippo deeply into the bowl.  I would sit there for a few moments, fiddling with the radio dials a bit to tune a decent channel, then backing out of the parking spot and beginning the slow meander home.  My pipe would be so, so beautiful a friend at the end of an exhausting day.  

PipeTobacco

MLK Jr. Day

Today is MLK Jr. Day.  While I am glad that Martin Luther King Jr. is celebrated in this way, I feel it is even more important to keep in mind ALL YEAR ROUND the important ideas of equality and inclusion of all people.  His work needs to always continue and needs to encompass all in a focus that has all people being understood to be important and their lives having value, importance and equality.  

* * * * * 

I had thought/hoped I would get to write a more extensive writing of my Chicago trip on Friday, but the intensity of focus and time needed at the start of the semester got the better of me.  It is coming as soon as I can muster up both the time and mental clarity to put the words to paper.  

* * * * * 

PCS = 7... oddly unwavering for the last many weeks.  I wonder why no undulations like before?  It has stayed at this moderately high/high level for at least 7-8 weeks.  

Ran 10 miles (~16km) this morning.  Fortunately the indoor track was open even though most other things were closed due to MLK Jr. Day.  It is indeed fortunate, as the weather outside was not conducive to running..... and if I had not been able to run this morning, I would have been damn horribly behind for the week.  

PipeTobacco

Dry Toast

 

It is near the end of the day.  I am fairly bushed at the moment:

• Up at 5:15am
• At the track and began my "hoofing behavior" at 6:01am
• Finished my 10 miles (~16 km)
• Took out the dog for a brief "constitutional".  She successfully did her duty.
  
• Reached the U parking lot and got into my office by 8:47am.
• Briefly reviewed what I needed to talk about in my upper division course.
• Went through and responded to ~10 e-mails from students.
  
• Hoofed across campus to a huge lecture hall to teach my first A&P class that started at 10am and focused on discussing the nuances of homeostatic mechanisms of the body designed to allow us to survive environmental changes.
• After that class I hoofed across to the other side of campus and taught my upper division class where I focused on interpretation of some phylogenetic maps of species lineages and used the example of infanticidal behavior (seen in a variety of species.... insects, many mammals..... rodents, lions, and various primates to name just a few).  I attempted to guide students into comparing and contrasting different competing cladograms of these phylogenetic maps and having them predict which appeared most accurate by currently known data.  
• Hoofed BACK across campus again to the big lecture hall to teach my second semester A&P class where I focused on a rapid-fire review of nervous system physiology and endocrine system physiology.
• Hoofed again back across campus to where my office(s) and laboratory are located and was met by a cluster of five of my research students who wanted to talk and discuss some research related ideas.
• After speaking with them, one of my classroom students showed up seeking what amounted to career advice.  I asked him some pertinent questions and explained to him one option that came to me initially from his answers to my questions... but then told him I needed to get to a committee meeting and asked him to think about my initial idea and for him to jot down in his mind what he liked and disliked about my suggestion so we could use that as a starting point for me to help him further the next time he stopped by.
• Went to my committee meeting.  It was unfortunately one of the "dull as dry toast" type meetings, but as I had anticipated it would be a "dry toast" style meeting, I brought my laptop there and under the guise of taking notes of the "dry toast", I instead worked on some of my classroom materials while I listened to the "dry toast"... interjecting every once in a while an occasional, "Yes, I agree!" or sometimes "Hmmm.... I am not really sure if that is a good idea." when the need arose.  
• Within about 5 minutes of the committee meeting ending, I was on here trying to write and post this update.
  

* * * * * * 

PCS = 8.... I used my time walking to-and-fro today, and also used those brief moments when I allowed my mind to drift out of focus during the "dry toast"... to reminisce about a few different, especially beautiful bowlfuls of pipe tobacco I had consumed that I remember and relish from the past.  

I am hoping/thinking Friday may be more relaxing as far as my schedule.  I am hoping to have a more fully actualized post rather than a rapid-fire release of bullets.  

PipeTobacco

Coffee Addled

 

Since Covid started, I have learned to enjoy instant coffee.  We do not own a coffee pot at home as I am the only soul in my household that likes coffee.  I have liked coffee ever since I started my doctoral program where we had free coffee daily and also had donuts provided by our research mentor at each lab meeting.  

• I took my first hankering to coffee by dipping my donut into the coffee at these lab meetings.
• Eventually, after a couple of months, I began to drink the coffee (after letting it cool to room temperature ahead of the meeting) while I ate the donut during the meetings... because dipping my dount proved messy, and the coffee mug would look rather unappealing because of all the donut crumbs floating in it.  
• Then, another few months passed, and I grew to especially enjoy the bitter flavor even by itself, not only when mixed with the sweetness of the donut.... and started to drink room temperature coffee daily in the lab. 
• I did this.... and learned to enjoy coffee.... because it was FREE and available.  It was cheaper than my buying and bringing in soda or iced tea or whatever on my way into the lab.  
• But, for a sizable number of years, if FREE coffee was not available, I did not bother.  
• When I got my job at the U, free coffee WAS available.  So, I again would let it cool and then drank it.... every day.  
• Our U perhaps about 15 (maybe 20?) years ago acquired a Starbucks franchise on campus.... and I tried it and found it wonderful because it was stronger in regards to the wonderful bitter flavors.  
• BUT... Starbucks was TOO DAMN EXPENSIVE for my penny-pinching mindset, so I had it perhaps once or twice a semester.  
• UNTIL... I figured out I could use a REFILLABLE CONTAINER and get Starbucks coffee for only 50 cents!  In my penny pinching way, I found a very large refillable coffee cup (24 ounces (~ 3 cups of coffee)) and started to pay 50 cents each weekday morning for a 24 ounce cup of Starbucks coffee (DARK ROAST for more bitter flavor if available).  But, I went without coffee on the weekend (no coffee maker/coffee pot).  

This was a routine for a number of years.  It felt extravagant.... but at least somewhat frugally extravagant.  After the first few months, growing impatient in the morning for the big 24 ounce coffee to cool to room temperature... I began to drop ice cubes into the coffee..... and that eventually grew to the point where I transitioned over to ICE COFFEE.  I fill my 64 ounce cup with ice cubes (provided FREE by Starbucks), and then pour my 50 cent, 24 ounces of Starbucks DARK ROAST coffee over the ice.... and get 64 ounces of ICE COFFEE!!!!!!!  And, ICE COFFEE is even better than room temperature coffee (In case you forget, I dislike hot beverages).  I had been doing this for probably at least 10 years. 

When Covid happened in March 2020, it shut everything down... and by this time, I began to miss having coffee (no coffee maker/coffee pot at home).  In one of the early forays (very frightened and nervous and masked, etc) to get food at the grocery store during the pandemic, I was rushing about getting things when I saw a jar of instant coffee, and threw it in the cart.  I had no particular thoughts about it, but had always associated instant coffee with bad jokes about it being "terrible".  

Well, for me, it was not bad at all.  With it being the easiest thing to get during the lockdown, I grew quite fond of it.  Even though I can get Starbucks again now that things are all open (and even just 50 cents and again the giant ice).... I have only done so perhaps 3-4 times, in favor of instead making the same giant iced coffee at home by making instant coffee in the microwave and pouring it over a big container of ice. 

* * * * *

PCS = 7.5... seemingly stuck in this zone.  Meaning I am hankering for a pipe.

Ran 10 miles (~16 km) starting at 6:01am when the track opened.

My MIL is seemingly fully back to her old self... in terms  of the healing of the injuries from her fall.  We are all glad.  

* * * * * 

This was not too bad for a quick post.  I believe I should have more time to write more interesting things tomorrow or at least by Friday.  

PipeTobacco

deriT

My Mother-In-Law had a second, very normal, restful night without my wife staying overnight.   We are very glad.  We are taking the physical therapist's suggestions and a) changing her mattress to a slightly firmer one and b) swapping out the "pretty" relaxing chair she especially likes for her "auto-lift" chair that was brought over from her house.  The auto-lift chair (the physical therapist suggests) will allow a less cluttered walkway for my MIL than her "pretty" chair with matching ottoman offered in her apartment. This will help her be less likely to trip and fall.  I am hoping, though, that if she actually engages in the physical therapy, it will help to decrease the "splaying" of her feet which I believe is the primary culprit of her fall and the biggest risk factor of another fall occurring.   

It is strange, I am feeling a little bit "Topsy-Turvy" at the moment at the U.  For the first time in, hell, I think since back in 1998, I had the ORDER of my A&P 1 and A&P2 classes in this semester swap places (meaning swapped times).   It took a lot of discussion about 18-20 months ago to get the "ok" to have these two courses swap times.  I only pursued it because of a pressing need from another Department and their request to see if it would be at all possible.  I worked with several folks for about two months researching/writing/talking with others about how the timing flip-flop for A&P 1 and A&P 2 would impact students because I and others had to assure that the swap would not impinge anyone's progress.  You may be surprised, but that was a big risk factor that had to be avoided.   

My schedule has been extremely consistent for DECADES because the lion's share of my lower division classes (Freshman & Sophomore classes) are prerequisites for a variety of other majors.  And, my upper division courses (Junior & Senior classes) are able to be and regularly are taken by a variety of different majors across the U.   This situation is relatively unique to me in my Department because my background gives me course specialties that are far more integrative and far more integrated that most the other biological specialties in my Department.  And, because of this significant integration, even the tiniest bit of shifting of the timing of my class schedule throws a lot of different majors into chaos.  

Sometimes this inherent stability of my courses causes a bit of ire in some of the folks in my Department, because most have courses with greater ebb and flow of times, positions, locations, etc. I (of course) get a helluva lot of biology majors in my classes, but I also have a lot of students from about a dozen other biology-ancillary majors (think Physical Therapy,  or Exercise Science, or Medical Technology for instances). My colleagues'  lower stability for their courses are because they tend to be more "Biology Major" only sorts of classes.  Their ire is further fueled by the fact that because of a) the stability of my undergraduate courses AND b) my seniority.... my graduate level courses ALSO are extremely stable because the undergraduate courses lock me in position.  

I like the stability I have with my courses.  But, I do get tired at the annoyance some of my biology colleagues exhibit towards my stable schedule. I sometimes want to be "snarky" to a few of them and say to them in a sarcastic voice, "I am so very sorry my courses are valuable and popular, and yours are apparently not."  However, I have always held my tongue, even though I used to imagine saying it especially to the two folks who had hurt my feelings so... they tend to be especially annoyed about my stable schedule.

* * * * * 

Well, after drifting off course with much of the above.... I am feeling a bit "Topsy-Turvy"  because I am SO used to what I do in timing while teaching the two A&P classes, it felt a bit "off" talking about the subjects in the reverse fashion to what I have been so used to doing.  Fortunately, however, this feeling should not last long.

* * * * * 

• 10 miles this morning (~16 km).  Reasonably fun morning run.  I need new shoes, however, as I have ~1,500 miles (~2,415 km) on this pair.  Most folks suggest a new pair after 500 miles, but I think that would be outlandish.  But, now with ~1,500 miles, I am noticing they are becoming a bit wonky and are less comfortable.  
• PCS = 8.  

I want to finish my Chicago story.  I am hoping to do so in the next day or two.  I am a bit too wiped out today though after all the teaching and research I had to get done today to an adequate job.

• My wife and I both still felt a bit hesitant towards each other yesterday in our discussions because of the "snapping" challenges we had on Sunday.  But... I can say that today feels back to normal in the couple of times I was able to speak with her.  
• Even though I still do not remember hardly any dreams when I wake up.... I have a far better sense of faith in that I am confident I am still HAVING a lot of dreams.  For the past couple of weeks, I have woken up without remembering any dreams, but SENSING dreams that were in my mind just moments before... but are just now outside of my recollection.  
• The one exception is a dream where I DID remember a brief snippet when I awoke from the dream back on Sunday evening into Monday.  In this snippet, I was painting all the walls in our home, new colors from their current state. Not sure why, how, or for what, but I clearly remember the painting part.  
  

This is about all my addled mind can accomplish right now.  I have to go and do some nematode transfers in my lab and also do some match paring with my rodents and some fly cultures.  My title is backwards to indicate that "Topsy-Turvy" feeling... and that I am tired.

PipeTobacco      

Ok

Trying to establish normalcy again.  On a scale of 1-10, with "10" being the best, I was *hoping* that the Holiday break period would have ended up as a "7" or perhaps if lucky, an "8". 

Now that this break period concluded, I would say it was *ACTUALLY* about a "3.5".  

Positives:

• No one in my immediate family died.
• We (with reasonably adequate results) hosted Christmas Eve celebrations for my wife's side of the family at our home (we had 32 people in total). 
• I continued to run.

Negatives:

• The difficulty we had with the "subject I cannot speak of" here.  
• The significant amount of work and effort expended to host the Christmas Eve celebrations for my wife's side of the family at our home.
• My Mother-in-Law's fall, injury, hospital and urgent care stays, and hallucinations.

So, after the last several days of of my wife and I shuffling time to be with my Mother-in-Law, and my wife staying overnight for a week with my Mother-In-Law, she has now been hallucination free for a number of days consistently... and Sunday we felt comfortable in having her stay overnight unobserved.  This meant that my wife was home in the evening. 

Unfortunately, my wife was tired.  As we were doing some of our normal tasks around the house, she snapped at me.  And, equally unfortunately, I do not handle being snapped at very well at all.  Being snapped at is something I have not yet figured out how to successfully navigate through in the moment.  It has been primary fuel of virtually all disagreements my wife and I have ever had.  Fortunately, it is not a common thing for my wife to snap at me.  

But yesterday she did..... and because I have not yet figured out how to successfully deal with it in a positive way....  I snapped back at her.  Of course, that never ends well.  For then, basically, even if we talk things out (which we did), there are usually hard feelings for the rest of the evening (which there were).

So, with the break being a 3.5..... I am viewing being back at the U and its routines as a POSITIVE in comparison.  And, that is damn sad. 

* * * * * 

• Running - 10 miles (~16 km) this morning.  
• PCS = 7.5

* * * * * 

Addendum

Answers to a couple of comments recently:

• Anvilcloud wondered about the fall and worried about that issue...... my Mother-in-Law fell, unfortunately because she was choosing to not use her walker nor her cane at that moment.  Because of her lower back stiffness, she walks with her feet splayed considerably, and likely caught her foot on something.  We have convinced her to begin physical therapy again.  We will see if she actually accepts it when they come.... she typically refuses, even after agreeing.  
• Pat mentioned that due to the challenges, I had apparently forgotten about pipes..... no, actually my PCS has been fairly stable in the 7-8 range through most of the break period.  I just did not mention it in the last few posts because I was trying to just get the critical information quickly onto "the page". 

PipeTobacco    

Brief (Not Underwear)

 Just a brief post today, updating some more:

• Keeping our finger's crossed.... it LOOKS like we may be on an upswing regarding my Mother-In-Law.  Her hallucinations have subsided it seems!  We feel more hopeful.  My wife is still planning to stay overnight with her through the weekend, just for added safety, and we both will be juggling schedules to be there much of the time during the daytime as well, but introducing some initially shorter, but then increasingly longer periods of time where we are not there to see if she is fully back to her normal self.  
• If this return to her normal self continues, this will be wonderful!  It means she can stay in the traditional assisted living apartment.  We were worried if she did not improve, she would need to be transitioned into more medically focused (and restrictive) accommodations that are in another building.  If she had the need to move into the medically focused building, there would be far fewer activities, a much smaller "apartment" (actually in the medical building, it is a room, not an apartment), and the facilities are much more like a hospital setting.  
• My wife and I are both tired, but feeling more hopeful and relieved than we have in a week.  We both are trying to play catch-up on things for work and home as well.  

Hopefully it will be a much, much, nicer.... and calmer weekend!

PipeTobacco

Whirlpool

 It has been a very rough time:

• Friday, my Mother-In-Law fell at her assisted living apartment and had to be taken to an Urgent Care facility.   She fell and hit her head and face.  She was bleeding (from a bloody nose) all across the apartment until discovered. She could not get herself back up to a standing position.
• At Urgent Care, she received a CT that showed no broken bones and no indication of brain bleeds. She was bandaged up and sent home
• On Saturday, we had to rush her back to Urgent Care because she was hallucinating.  This eventually led to having her transferred to the hospital which took several (~10 hours) because of a bed shortage due to Covid/RSV/Flu patients filling up the entire hospital.
  
• At the hospital they were doing nothing, and my wife asked for my MIL to receive either another CT or an MRI.  The attending physician kept denying such a scan, and would not address the hallucinations as being other than dementia.  We told this fellow over and over again, that my MIL did not have these symptoms prior to the fall that had just occurred within 48 hours before this.
• He refused an MRI but performed another CT with inconclusive results.  His biased, very jack-*ssed response to my wife about wanting an MRI was "... well, you know she is old, you do not want an MRI because it could show things you don't want to know about...."
  
• He then proceeded to discharge my MIL less than 24 hours after her being admitted.  
• My MIL was still hallucinating wildly, seeing cats, and kids, and fires, and strange people all around her. 
• We get her back to the assisted living apartment.  She is still hallucinating.  My wife has been staying with her all day and overnight since she returned to the assisted living apartment.  This is because my MIL keeps imagining and seeing things and getting scared and wanting to get up and to leave.  My wife's siblings have been minimal to no help.. even though they are retired and do not have jobs. I have volunteered to take overnight shifts for my wife.  But, she is wanting to be there for the occasions where a health care worker may show up.  
• My wife took her to her primary care physician on Tuesday to try to get her help in sorting things out.  The primary care physician is suggesting the hallucinations are likely from the impact of her fall, and that the last CT does not show any bleeds, which gave us tremendous relief.  She says that it is likely the brain is working to repair from the trauma of the fall and that "hopefully" the hallucinations will dissipate over time with rest.  
• My wife reported to me this morning that my MIL slept through the night for the first time, since the fall, and this morning she seemed closer to "normal".  So, hopefully that is a good sign.
• My mother-in-laws nose is the size of an orange, and the entire front of her face is now a massive, brown/purple bruise of discoloration. She also has two dislocated fingers.  
  

That is about all I can spew out in the few moments I have at this time.  It has been a chaotic whirlpool of emotions and time.  Being apart from my wife has been hard but necessary, my and her travels to and from the assisted care apartment have been many, many, many over the last several days.  Interspersed in this I have been also trying to prepare my classes for the start of the semester.  Our house is in disarray, and everything feels like chaos.  But, hopefully, we are (as of this morning) starting to see improvement and a potential pathway back to something more "normal" for us too. I hope so.

Health "Care" here in the US is so horrible.  There is a definite age bias where the elderly are dismissed and considered discardable.  It is disgraceful.  

PipeTobacco