Sometimes Hard To Remember

Sometimes it is so damn hard to remember something so simple.  

With all the chaotic things that have been happening, especially recently, but truthfully.... for the last few years..... it is all too damn easy to view pretty much EVERYTHING negatively at times.  Yes, there ARE hardships.  Yes, there ARE very, very sh*tty things that do happen.  Yes, there ARE failures I commit.  Yes, there ARE some really mean spirited folks.  Yes, there ARE stupid things that some relatives and friends do. 

But, even though it often takes a helluva lot of energy to do so (at least for me to do so).... even in the midst of the chaos, stress, anxiety, hurt feelings and despair..... you have (I have) the ability to work to see things positively.  

This is not being a "polly-anna" sort.  This is not IGNORING the problems nor the issues.  This is a way to be able to feel BETTER about the day-to-day.  For me, I offer some comparatives:

Initially:  I wake up, and I grumble and curse because I do NOT want to run, and I admit I am growing tired of running especially since my latest fall.

Alternative that I work to force into my mind:  I have the ability TO run.  I am privileged to have at my age, the health and wellness..... of my legs, hips, body and muscles and mind to be able to run.  

* * * * * 

Initially:  The idea of going to the U to do more damn work is annoying.  I do not want to go.  I do not want to see people.  I do not want to sit at a damn computer.  I do not want to work in the damn lab.  I am tired.

Alternative that I work to force into my mind: I have the job/career I had always hoped for and dreamed about when young.  I do LOVE teaching!  I enjoy most things at the U.  I have the opportunity to make a difference for others in my work at the U.

* * * * *

Initially:  I am such a failure.  I am so damn inconsistent.  I do not have any drive, energy, willpower.  I am just a doofus.  I am lazy.  

Alternative that I work to force into my mind:  I have done many things adequately.  I can work harder to have the drive, the energy, and the willpower to do what I know is what I should do.  I may not be a high wattage bulb, but I do still put forth light.  This means I CAN still work to be helpful.  I can work against my lazy/sloth-like tendencies to be better.  I have these options.

Trying to keep the alternative ideas at the front of my mind can help a day be better.

PipeTobacco

The Group

So.... there were somewhere between 8-10 "old guys" in the lounge area of the Cigar Shop. 

"Old" is of course a relative term, because it is referential by impression, by countenance, and by one's own reference points.  In this case, the group was more of what I would says is a "comfortable" age range.... the fellows appeared to be from early to mid 60s through somewhere in the mid 80s with a ballpark figure of the median being somewhere in the mid-to-late 70s.  So, that was GOOD, and was what I was hoping for.  I fit in that way.  

Apparently a few of the guys were car enthusiasts as they were in a discussion of their vehicles, and the discussion was about three of the vehicles in particular... one fellow had 1963 Impala SS convertible (Chevrolet) and another was talking about some aspects of his 1970 Plymouth Barracuda, and another was talking about his 1964 Corvette.  Luckily I know a fair amount about cars in the 50s-70s, so I was listening and following along.  Engine displacement talk was not my forte, however, as to me, it is rather outside of my knowledge and interest.  They were not too focused on engine specifics (happily) and instead were mostly talking about the rigmarole of getting "historical" status (and historical license plates) for their  vehicles and were talking more of how they drove their beasts to various local car "shows" and meet ups and even had occasionally used them in a town parade or two.  

Listening and nodding in agreement at some of the comments and smiling was what I was mostly doing as I took the cellophane wrapper off of the Arturo Fuente Hemingway Signature cigar.  Even though I still felt nervous as it was my first time in the group, I worked diligently to try to put forth a casual, calmness.  A sort of "fake-it-till-you-make-it" plan that I have worked to do many times over the decades when I would be feeling like a fish out of water at various times. 

I reached for the cigar clippers I had brought from the counter, and worried a bit, but pushed forward... even though I had only used a clipper of this sort one time before (on that trip with my wife) and still felt quite novice and thinking I may mess up and it will tear, crimp, or otherwise mangle the cigar.  But, with careful measure, a slow and steady pressure, I was able to slice gently, and cleanly the cranial cap from the end of the cigar.  The edges of the cut zone were uniform, smooth, even and damn near picture perfect.  I was glad.  

I took the remnant "cap" from the cigar, and instead of putting it into the ashtray, I slid the small slice into my shirt pocket, with plans to add it to my "chimera" jar of odds and ends of various pipe tobaccos I had over the years.  This chimera jar would get the remnants of any pouch of pipe tobacco I had nearly finished, but the small amount remaining in the  pouch was of insufficient volume to fill the bowl of a pipe.  Over the decades, this chimera jar would grow full and I would often sample bowlfuls in my pipe to see what sort of concoction I had made.  Often it was quite delightful and the volume of the chimera jar would decline as I enjoyed my frugal, unique, multi-hued "blend" I had created.  Even though I have not sampled from the chimera jar since laying down my pipes 6.5 years ago, I still enjoy opening the jar and smelling its multi-faceted aroma.  

The talk was congenial and interesting.  I did not talk much, because I did not feel it was my place to "invade" and I tend to like to listen more anyway to get the "lay of the land".  A fellow asked me my name, and I told the group and they all said hello.  But, what struck me in a rather happy way was how I could characterize the group generally....... "Cliff Claivins".... which was EXACTLY what I had hoped to find.  

For those who may not recognize the name Cliff Clavin, he was a fictional character on the television show, "Cheers" (hence my reference in the previous post).  Cliff Clavin was a fellow who liked to talk, and talk he would do, for hours at the bar.  Some folks in the show and who watched the show would equate his character as being a bit annoying, but that IS NOT the manner in which I mean at all.  What I like and enjoy about the character of Cliff Clavin is that his character, while quite talkative, was not denigrating in what he talked about, was not in any real sense trying to practice "one-upsmanship" by what he was saying, was not acting, nor feeling "superior" in what he was talking about, and was not "demanding" attention while he talked.  The lack of those negatives, and simply talking about life is what I equate with a "Cliff Clavin" sort of fellow.  I think it is a pleasant and wonderful attribute since in academia there are a helluva lot of the other negative types of folks in department meetings and even in U social functions.  This had none of the academic wrangling's from folks I often get so tired of.  

I then peel the band from the cigar.  It is ornate and its foil aspects reflect light.  I also slide this band into my pocket.  I will probably tack it onto the bulletin board in my outer U office sometime.  Some folks in the cigar community leave the band on, while others remove it prior to indulging in the cigar.  In the group, it is an approximate 50-50 mix of choices on whether to indulge with the band on or off.

Another interesting aspect to the group was that all of the fellows except for one was bearded and mustached.  That helped me feel more as if I fitted in because no one had the "businessman" professional sort of look.  The look of the day was for about half, t-shirt and shorts, with some wearing camo pants and a t-shirt, or like myself, an older button-down plaid shirt and jeans.  And, ~75% were also wearing a hat (most common, a baseball hat of some sort, like I was also wearing).   

Using the butane lighter I had borrowed from the front counter (it is a common cigar style lighter) instead of the Zippo I had in my pocket, I wicked the flame gently around the perimeter of the distal foot of the cigar.  This is a helpful technique to do as it fosters a more full and EVEN lighting of the cigar when that next occurs because the tobacco leaf wrapper is often times a bit more "humid" than the internal leaf from the way cigars are stored.    

Jokes are being told, casual, calm conversation continues.  I then bring the cigar to my mouth and light the foot with the butane lighter.  Slowly and carefully I work to ensure the light is even and uniform.  I put down the lighter on the armrest of the leather chair I am sitting in.  

The tastes and flavors of the cigar ARE NOT the cornucopia of flavors from most any of my pipe tobaccos.  However, the flavors that are present are enjoyable.  The primary flavor I find is a mild cocoa flavor, and also a small hint of hazelnut, both nice.  The smoke is pleasantly creamy and has a nice, chalky texture as well.  Really, quite nice overall.

I ended up staying for ~ 2 hours.  While I did not talk a lot, I talked enough. I like the feeling of the quiet there, with just enjoyable, casual conversation.  By the time I left, about 1/2 the group had left as well, so I thought it was a good "midpoint" to leave as a newbie. I said my goodbyes and one of the fellows asked, "You coming back next week?"  I answered, "I sure plan to.  This was a great way to spend the afternoon!"

The experience was, quite surprising to me, almost exactly what I had hoped for and imagined in my mind.  I left feeling relaxed and tranquil.  I do look forward to going again.

PipeTobacco

 

Fecal Furor

Unfortunately, much of the remainder of last week beyond Tuesday was not as I had hoped.  It was a veritable "sh*t storm" hence the title.... some brief highlights (that do not represent the full emotional baggage each wrought).... 

• The computer (Microsoft) snafu that began several days earlier began to affect things for us in that my one kid's oversees travel was coming to an end and she was set to fly back and we were to collect her at an airport a few hours away (cheaper prices at the time) at ~9:00pm on Tuesday. After about 5-6 various revisions to her flight plans in which my wife and I were adapting to in order to retrieve her,  the flight that actually brought her to the airport arrived at 3:30am on Thursday morning.  
• My SIL's kidney dialysis suddenly was bumped up the queue during this time.  All manner of things regarding the dialysis were changed from the original plans by the clinician..... on-location versus home, port versus fistula, earlier dates than later dates, training sessions and then cancelling of training sessions, and reinstatement of training sessions. My wife is set to be the "backup" dialysis facilitator (second to my SIL's husband) so all of these changes were affecting her besides the worry/concern we had that things were occurring too rapidly and without care and planning.... just because slots of time became available within the dialysis agency (it was not due to pressing need for this early start by my SIL).  Everyone, my SIL, her husband, my wife and I all felt unnerved by the consistent inconsistency of plans scheduled, unscheduled, rescheduled, and bumped around to all sorts of different times.  
• My MIL fell and hit her head at her assisted living community.  The facility rushed her by ambulance to one of the hospitals in our community where she was then required to stay for several hours for observation and for a cat scan.  My wife needed to be there to emotionally help Mom through this as she was understandably agitated (due to her dementia) about the new location.  Fortunately, the cat scan showed no problems (no brain bleed, etc) and she was eventually discharged late, late into the night so we could get her back to her apartment.
• Wednesday, I received word from the research board (who you know from previous things I have written are damn slow) that one of the folks on the committee does not know how to access the damnable typographical error corrections they requested and I submitted a MONTH ago!  This is now FOUR DAMN MONTHS since I submitted the proposals and they still have not approved anything.  The "theory" is that this damn committee is tasked/pledged with having a two-WEEK turn around time.  That NEVER happens.  It took them three months to get back to me with requirements to fix a few TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS (missing a period, having an additional space between two words, that sort of b*llsh*t.... absolutely NOTHING about the actual science of the proposed research).  And, I submitted the damn typographical corrections nearly the next day.  And, now a month later, they write back that one of the idiots on the committee is unsure how to access the corrections and they are suggesting I should resubmit them a different (non-standard, not following normal committee protocols) way and go thought and HIGHLIGHT EACH AND EVERY REQUESTED MINOR TYPOGRAPHICAL CORRECTION.  This is for nine different proposals each on average of 18 pages in length.  "Furious" is not an adequate descriptor of my feelings towards these yahoos.  
• On Thursday morning, when I was at mile 9.5 (~15 km) of my 10 miles (~16 km), I lost attention or focus (perhaps from not sleeping due to the travel to the airport) and ended up tripping on a bumpy piece of sidewalk and tumbled to the hard concrete in a heap.  Very fortunately, I did not hit my head nor my elbows.  But, I fell hard on one of my knees and it is quite battered and has four large (each a bit bigger than a quarter (each about the size of a Loonie for my Canadian friends) scrapes where the skin was ripped off and bleeding ensued.  It was painful (not the knee itself, but the large scrapes), but I ran the last 1/2 mile (1 km) home (I had to get home somehow) and then spent the next hour or so cleaning, disinfecting and bandaging myself up.
• Parts delays for the vehicle getting repaired (starting about two weeks ago... the one that died while I was driving it in traffic) for one of our kids also has been disrupting schedules as we have been working to ensure the kid is able to get to work. The damn vehicle is now set to be finished Tuesday (fingers crossed).  

So with the above, and my continuing to try to do the needed U work I have to do and trying to get my damn miles in (I did finish the miles for the week on Saturday), it has been a bit more than challenging the last several days.  

I am cautiously hopeful that things have settled into a manageable plan for this week.  There are a lot of things pulling on us, but I think we can make it work, at least if the timelines for the appointments, work, and all else do not drastically go into new chaos.   

So, it is my hope to finish writing about the "Retiree's Cigar Group" tomorrow. It is the best I can do at the moment.

PipeTobacco

Cheers

 

Last Thursday, I was able to get the opportunity to spend time at the "Retiree's Cigar Group" at the Cigar Shoppe a ways away that I have been talking about for many weeks.  I have to admit that I was nervous.  I had a lot of "hopes" and "expectations" for the experience.  And, I had even more "worries" and "concerns" about my not being able to fit in.  And, I had worries that it would not be as I had hoped.  

So, what was I hoping and expecting?

• I was hoping to find a group of fellows who would feel like friends.  
• I was hoping that there wouldn't be folks with attitudes.
• I was hoping it would not be filled with folks who were "schmoozy" business/salespeople types.
• I was hoping to fit in and be accepted with the group.
• I was hoping to find a place where I could, in a measured, controllable way, occasionally indulge in pipe tobacco (of course, first and for a while it will be a cigar, hopefully eventually a pipe) without being inclined to actually "falling off the wagon". 

What was I worrying about?

• I was worried I would not fit in.  
• I was worried that I would stick out "like a sore thumb".
• I was worried that the group would be "click-y" and not want any new folks in it.
• I was worried that I would be "grilled" about my life, my (lack of) knowledge on cigars.
• I was worried I might not know/follow some sort of unwritten etiquette of the place or the group. 
• I was worried I would be ignored/invisible.
• I was worried I would make "mistakes" and be perceived as an idiot. 
• I was worried that I might talk too much or too stupidly, but I also worried that I would be "too quiet" as I tend to not talk much in social groups. 

So, you can see a whole helluva lot of things were swirling in my mind..... simultaneously.  I do not know why my brain is wired like this, but it is my reality.  It is both annoying and exhausting a lot of the time.  It may be some of the reason why I really like routines and consistency.  When I attempt new things, I inevitably end up experiencing the above sorts of thoughts.  

   
* * * * *

So.... I drive there, and park on the far side of the building so that my vehicle cannot be seen, and I get out and walk around the building down the sidewalk to the side entrance.  The building itself is an older building in the older part of downtown of this city, and the building was a typical type of three story dark brick and mortar building with large windows that were pretty common and standard in towns across the country and were built in the 1890s - late 1920s (ahead of the start of the Depression). The first floors of these buildings were usually shop fronts of one kind or another.  The cigar shop's building was at the end of a row of these buildings so not only did it have a large storefront window facing the main street, but a similar sized storefront window facing the side street as well.  

I walk inside.... feeling edgy and jumpy, but I try to act "cool" and nonchalant.  A young girl (probably mid-late 20s) is working behind the counter.  I believe the shop was far enough away (in the next town) that I doubted she was a student at the U, fortunately.  I went into the humidor and looked around until I spied the Arturo Fuente cigars.  I glanced through the several boxes, and saw an Arturo Fuente Hemingway Signature cigar.  It was not the same as I had on the trip with my wife, but it was quite similar, so it seemed a safe bet.  

I brought out the cigar and went up to the counter.  The young girl was cheery and was playing with a small dachshund who I believe was the shop owner's dog and appears to be a sort of "mascot" in the store.  The girl asked me:

"You taking it with you, or are you going to smoke it in the lounge?"

I said "The lounge." and paid.  Happily, I noticed a few cigar cutters on the counter and a few butane cigar lighters, and asked, "I presume it is ok if I grab a cutter and a lighter for in the lounge?" Each cutter and lighter had a small chain and tag on it, identifying it as a "store" cigar cutter or "store" lighter.  

"Sure, that's what they're there for." she said with a chipper voice.  

After paying and putting a tip in the tip jar, I picked up my cigar, a cutter and a lighter and went slowly walking towards the bigger lounge area where I could see about 8-10 "old guys" sitting and talking and smoking their cigars.  I tried to quickly gauge the room and the scene.

This portion of the lounge had perhaps a dozen or so overstuffed, leather chairs  plus a few wooden chairs..... with small side tables and ashtrays scattered about.  The chairs and side tables were arranged in a circle.  A large coffee table was in the center of the space.  It too had a few ashtrays, but also had an array of cigar related books and magazines scattered about on its surface  I even noticed one book about pipes..... and I considered that a good sign.  

Luckily, there was one empty leather chair in the circle that had an empty chair on either side as well.  I walked towards the one in the middle so as to not too close and potentially bothersome to anyone.  I sat down (sank down) into the leather chair.  I looked around the group as they were talking.  I noticed my friend from Mass,  two fellows down the row. He noticed me and gave me a quick nod of recognition, but didn't say anything.

That is about all I can write today. I need to get working. More tomorrow.  

Oh, I did run another 10.2 miles this morning (~16.5 km). 

 PipeTobacco 

Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind is a variety of ways since last Thursday:

1.  The "Retiree's Cigar Group" was Thursday.  I plan to write about it tomorrow.

2.  Friday I had several pressing deadlines in research at the U.  

3. Friday evening was spent in a lot of preparation for my MIL's Birthday Celebration we were having on Saturday.  My SIL and her husband were not able to help much due to a lot of work they were doing for getting ready for my SIL's impending dialysis. My BIL and his wife were of the usual scant help they always are. 

4.  Saturday was spent wholly in the setting up and preparing the party and having the party.  We were able to use a special event room at my MIL's Assisted Living complex, so that was nice in not stressing on Mom too much.  We invited all my MIL's siblings and their spouses and a lot of my MIL's close friends.  A lot of folks came from several hours away.  We had a group of around 25 folks or so.  It was very nice, even though some of the more distant folks were a bit taken aback by Mom's memory loss.  I was a good mule (carting things around) and a good photographer.  My wife and I went to Mass after the party.  By the time we returned home and cleaned up all the mess that we had to cart back, we were wiped out.  I ended up feeling so hot, that I filled the tub with very cool water and submerged in it for a good thirty minutes to cool my core.  It helped. 

5.  Sunday was  one of my wife's Family Reunions (there are two or three a year).  We drove a few hours to reach the spot, very, very DEEP into the country/farm region.  We brought a pea/peanut/cheese salad (I made that) and a Tortellini and Chicken Pasta Salad (my wife made that).  For a reunion, it was nice, and the weather was pleasantly cloudy also! 

While we were in the midst of the perpetual bingo games, news flashed across my phone's News Feed that President Biden decided to withdraw from the nomination.  I cringed, hoping no one else at the reunion had a news feed on their phone because it would NOT be a good thing for the crowd to get talking about politics.  A hefty percentage of the folks at the reunion are "Forever Trumpers" who are of the Trump base, and there were a lot of more traditional Democrats as well.  Political discussions at the reunion in previous years have never gone well.  Fortunately, no one mentioned the news until about 15 minutes before the end, and even more fortunate and surprising, no one said anything and no discussion ensued (either because most folks KNEW political talk would not be good at the reunion, or folks were just ready to pack up and go..... not sure which was the bigger factor).  

* * * * *

About Biden's withdrawal from the nomination and race:

1.  I completely understand Biden's choice to do so.  However, I think it was not warranted nor necessary... and I believe the news media created a "witch hunt" atmosphere around the first debate that was wholly unfair and only served the news media's interests (money and attention).

2.  I still believe Biden had the best chance of winning the election over Trump.  

3.  Kamala Harris is a GOOD replacement candidate.  I like her work and I am relieved most Democrats are supporting her.... and there is not a lot of chaos and in-fighting..... SO FAR.  

4.  I will vote for Harris (presuming she is the eventual nominee).  I think she could be a very strong president.  Unfortunately, though, I believe she will not win the election.  I think Trump will win by extremely small margins in the battleground states and that will tip the election to him.  

5.  I do hope Harris selects a governor from a swing state to be her vice presidential candidate..... Arizona's Katie Hobbs, or Michigan's Gretchen Whitmer, or Pennsylvania's Josh Shapiro.  I think that could help.  

* * * * *

Late last week, my mileage running went to hell.  With all the things piling on, I ended up having difficulty motivating myself to run.  The harsh sun and heat for some of the days did not help either.  In order to complete my goal of at least 50 miles (~80 km) for the week, I ended up having to run all seven days last week.  To struggle to get to 50, I did the following late in the week:

Thursday - 5.5 miles

Friday - 5.0 miles

Saturday - 4 miles

Sunday - 2.5 miles.... to finally get to 50 (and a bit more).

* * * * *

Today, I forced myself back into a better pattern.  I pushed through 10.1 miles (~16 km). And, I got to the U gym by 7:15am and "pumped iron" to start my second week of doing some upper body weight training.  I have not done any lifting weights since before Covid.  But, I am determined to try to get back some of that tone I was able to develop.  But, mostly, I was looking forward to the machine to stretch my calf and achillies tendon.  

PipeTobacco

Sometimes You Need to Reknow

Standing Calf Raise Machine Image

I have found that there are things I need to "reknow"..... perhaps better stated as REMEMBER something I KNEW previously but had somehow forgotten.  Three items have come to my mind recently in that regard:

1.  Within the last several days, I remembered (and mentioned previously) how a Calf Raise Machine (like in the link above, since "Image Insertion" at Blogger is damn wonky again, but what I call a "shoulder press machine" because it presses weights down on my shoulders) will help me so tremendously in STRETCHING my gastrocnemius muscle and achillies tendon beyond what I can do manually on my own.  I knew this before COVID, but then was without the machine because of the shutdown and forgot about it.  It has been helping me stretch far better after my runs.  

2.  After feeling in a rather foul mood most of yesterday, but then feeling better after running in the afternoon....... and this morning, waking up "dreading the day" but feeling better after I forced myself to run early...... it helped me to "reknow" how important it is for my MOOD to get my run in as early as I can at the start of a day.  With no formal classes at the moment, I have been sloth-like and often times not getting up until 7:00am.  And, even more sloth-like, I have had days where I just did not feel like running, even when it was that late 7:00am, and I would then delay running till sometime later.  I NEED to run as early as I can, even if that means I have to get up at ~5:00am or earlier to get it done even on days when I do not have to be at the U early.  The run shapes the whole day to be better.

3.  My pipes and pipe tobaccos.... in the last couple of days I have been beginning to "reknow" the fact that not only do I love and enjoy smoking my pipes and pipe tobaccos.... but in thinking back, I now realize that my pipes and pipe tobaccos helped me to a) modulate stress more successfully, and b) they helped to make happy times more happy, and they helped to make difficult times less difficult.  With this memory in mind, I am very eager to go the "Retirees Cigar Group" tomorrow, and feel it out.  I am very hopeful that the experience will allow me to feel a kinship and friendship with folks, and that within a couple of weeks perhaps I can naturally transition to having a pipe there instead of a cigar.  Do not get me wrong, I will like having a cigar tomorrow (hopefully, if things go as I hope), but a cigar is just a cigar.... it is NOT a pipe, and cannot (in my opinion) ever be as delightful as a pipe.  However, it could/can be a valuable bridge to find a potential way to have a regulated, occasional pipe that I may be able to adopt for the future.

I did not mention my run yesterday, as I wrote before running.  In total this week, I have thus far accomplished 33.6 miles (~54 km) with 13.5 miles on Monday, 10 miles on Tuesday, and 10.1 miles this morning.

Last thing..... perhaps someone of my blog reading friends may have a book recommendation for me about.... I want to better learn about chord theory and music composition.  There are a fair number of books I have seen on Amazon about the subjects, but.... it is hard to discern which one would be best for me.  What I WANT, is a book that discusses chord theory and music composition in terms of USING chords and chord progressions in developing music.  

PipeTobacco

Comments on Comments

Here are replies to some of your recent comments:

 

AC stated...

"I think you underestimate how tragic another Trump presidency will be."

AC, I apologize that you think I am underestimating how damaging a second Trump Presidency would be.  Please know that I think that in the (unfortunate, likely) event that he is re-elected, the amount of chaos and hardship the US and the WORLD will experience... will be exponentially greater than what we experienced during his first term.  I think a second term WILL be extremely tragic..... but with the way many, many folks are responding to the events of last weekend and this week..... I think we will have to brace ourselves for his win.  I regrettably believe he WILL now win, no matter who we put forth on the Democratic side.

"I can see no reason for feeling shame. You're a guy loaded with troubles, and it appears that you feel things deeply, which is a rather good thing. I also have a feeling that you may be demanding too much of yourself."

I KNOW we cannot plan and organize the timing of our troubles. But, the way in which so many things sometimes pile upon us all at once is quite difficult.  I do tend to feel a lot of shame about things I should do, but am either too lazy or too unfocused to do.  I feel shame at not being able to do as much work as I could do for my students, or for my research.  I feel shame at not as fully as I could, showing the deep, enormous love I have to my family.  I feel like a failure because I think I do not try hard enough to do the things I should do.  I feel like a failure because I get tired, I get distracted, I get annoyed. 

 

Jennifer stated...

"Please, for the sake of all that is good and decent, let us not give up on defeating Trump in November!"

I truly am not giving up.  I am voting for Biden.  And, probably ~90% of my closest relatives will vote for Biden, and probably around 60% of the folks I know will vote for Biden.  Unfortunately, though, with the "rally around the flag" result of the recent assassination attempt and also the Republican Convention..... I think enough of the few, remaining "undecided" voters.... will be swayed into the Trump camp to make his unfortunate win in November occur.  

What would be the best strategy IMO for right now is to absolutely LOCK IN BIDEN as the nominee and a) have folks rally around him, and b) put up as big a push as possible to get apathetic Democrats and "unregistered to vote" on board to do their part. 

 

Liz Hinds stated...

 "So if they're protected will you have to leave them there until they want to move on?"

The folks who arrived to do the work for us this past Saturday...  seemed to my mind, rather "sketchy". They said they wanted full payment up front on that day, and then said they would work for the next several days.  This set off alarm bells in my mind and I told them I would need to "think about things" a bit before proceeding, and I told them I would call the "project leader" on Monday since neither were unable to reach him for me on their phone.  

Between Saturday and Monday, my wife and I both thought about it, and we decided to cancel the whole damn thing.  There are several reasons:  

1.  The original plan was done with a sort of "hard sell" approach that we fell into because we were alarmed/nervous when we thought the critters were bats.  

2.  The plan was for these fellows to put "one-way" gates on the chimney tops (actually only one chimney but it has three outlets).... allowing the birds to get out but not get back in. But, on Saturday, the "sketchy" fellows who arrive to do the work said that these gates would need to be "delayed".... but they still wanted payment.  

3.  The price quoted was actually a helluva lot of money!

4.  I have read that the chimney swifts will eventually leave later this Summer into Fall.  Now that we know what they are, the noise is not so bothersome.   And, even though I am NOT sure if they are in protected status here.... they are rare enough that I would very much NOT want to harm the species. 

 

Margaret stated...

"I'm glad you found a compromise and now feel more comfortable attending the group. Yay! The bat situation would have freaked me out so I'm happy that they were birds, although they're a nuisance too."

I am cautiously feeling some optimism about this upcoming Thursday!  I do think there is a good chance that it will be enjoyable and fun! And, it could a) potentially be a way for me to eventually have an "occasional, metered, prescribed way" to have a pipe once in a while, an b) it could provide a bit of that kind of non-work folks, friendship opportunity that I have not had much of the last several years.  

"There is no shame in having troubles and worries; we all do. Sometimes they are few and other times they hit us like bunch of bricks."

Some of the hardships and troubles are ones I feel relatively acceptable in dealing with, but some of the items just seem beyond what my mental and emotional fortitude can withstand.  Events that occur that are irreparable (deaths of course, but also breaking of items that are not replaceable) are ESPECIALLY difficult for me to handle emotionally.  Also things that have a facet of embarrassment also are extremely difficult for me to wrangle in my emotions about.  I think the feelings of embarrassment were what caused my sobbing in the damn car, for instance.  There was really nothing I could do SAFELY in the very center of that multi-lane traffic.... except sit there waiting for the tow vehicle.  The hundreds (more likely thousands) of people having to work around the blockage of my vehicle while I sat there waiting.... and their looking at me as I sat there was beyond what I could take.  And, of course, the sobbing that I did..... only made my sense of embarrassment even more acute as folks drove by.

 

Pat stated...

"And what's the harm of bringing a pipe or two with you? Your friend already assured you that it would be OK, and as they don't yet know you they might as well get to know the real you, with pipe in hand."

Pat, it sounds like a great IDEA, but until I feel more comfortable in the space, I think it would have me feel to conspicuous and perhaps too pushy for a "newbie" to the group.  I do admit that I HOPE that if I do fit in and am accepted to the group, I may bridge the idea of my bringing my pipe instead, as it is a far more enjoyable option if possible.  

"I hope you can do something to de-stress." 

Believe me, I know and understand that I seem to get stressed fairly regularly.  I DO, I sincerely do try to find ways to decrease stress day-to-day.  My pipes and pipe tobaccos used to be a primary way I modulated stress. A most interesting thought also occurred to me.... before I began my pipe fast (almost 6.5 years now) I did not think as often about stress.  Of cousre I did experience stress.... but it felt less sharp.  I am not sure if my pipe would "smooth the edges" of the stress for me, or if my stresses are more of a sharper variety these days.    

But, even though my pipes and pipe tobaccos are not a daily option any longer (sadly), there are other ways I do try to manage stress.  I run until I am tired enough that some stress dissipates.  Swimming helps to lower stress when it occurs at the end of a workday.  Those items are helpful.  

 

PeppyLady stated...

"I have an bullet journal.That keeps me on track."

Yes, I remember reading about your bullet journal on your blog!!!  And, I KNOW that if I did so more reliably it would help me too.  But, I have not had particularly good luck in persisting with the bullet journal sort of "to-do" lists in the past.  I am not sure what the problem is, and what I could do to be better at consistently using this idea. 

 

I guess that is it for today.

PipeTobacco

Boosting Energy

 

Not sure what is up with the image insert in blogger, but it is malfunctioning.  Oh well.  I will try after I am done here. (Addendum..... the image inserter is still "wonky" so there will be no image today.)

I am trying to boost my energy, as I tend to be rather sloth-like a lot of the time.  I have done this by making a list of tasks I want to do, and working on the most arduous ones earliest, so that I get a "boost" of energy by feeling that the damn things are off my list.  

For today, as has become useful for the time being, I am going to talk in random bullet points:

The assassination attempt on Trump was horrible, and is incredibly sad.  Such violence should NEVER happen.

I do think, however, that with this turn of events, that Trump WILL win the election, and this makes me also sad, because I do not think he is good as a leader for the nation nor the world.  I think he will win, no matter WHO the Democrats now put forward.  I still think Biden has the BEST chance of winning over Trump, but I no longer think any Democrat will win.  I am still voting for Biden, however.  Trump made some pretty amazing photo imagery following the attempt that I think will rally all sorts of folks to him.  

Even though the attempted assassin was horribly wrong in what he did, I also feel significant sadness for his family.  He was so very young (20).  I cannot imagine what is happening now within his family.  From my understanding both parents were counselors of some sort.  

It was raining pretty heavily this morning and was beautifully cloudy, so I hoofed out 13.5 miles (~22km) this morning.  It feels good to be ahead for the week's goal.  

One of the days last week when I ran on the U indoor court, I stopped downstairs and saw a weight machine I had forgotten about.... it is a shoulder press, where you actually rest considerable weight upon your shoulders and then push up with the heels of your feet.  Even though I had used this machine in the past, I had forgotten about it since Covid happened.  When I saw it, however, it reminded me of how helpful it was in helping me to FORCE a deeper stretch of my achillies tendon and gastrocnemius muscles than I could do on my own.  I tried it that day, and it was REVOLUTIONARY in helping me feel more limber.

So, I made a plan to go back to the U gym three times a week to do some resistance training (weight lifting) AND stretching on the shoulder press.  I had done this BEFORE Covid, but never picked it back up when things shut down.  I am easing back into the mild lifting I had done before, with my old goal in tact of regaining the ability to do unassisted chin ups. I am far from it, after four-some years of not lifting, but it DID feel good, although I suspect I will be damn sore tomorrow.  But, that is how it goes.

I am very glad I did the quick visit to the Cigar Shoppe last week, and I am hopeful I will go for the "Retiree's Cigar Group" this Thursday.  I feel more (not totally,  but MORE) at ease about being able to fit in. 

I have done a great deal of rodent work this morning, and that has felt good as well.  

It actually feels good that this was the first time I was on the computer today as well.  I feel often that work computer time is a necessary evil..... it never feels as satisfying as teaching or doing actual hands-on research.  It is important, but it tends to leave me feeling "unaccomplished" inside.  

To have my blog entry be the first time I was on the computer today felt REALLY good.  I like the computer to communicate with so that worked out wonderfully!

PipeTobacco  

Half

Take the image any way you wish.  It has many meanings to me.

Bullets again today:

Yesterday continued the onslaught of stressors in very many ways.

• The vehicle failure is going to cost $2,000 to repair. Yes, we are footing the bill.

• Yesterday, we transported one of the kids to the airport (the one 3 hours away because it was cheaper that the closer ones) for her overseas trip.  She needed to be there at 3:00am for boarding regulation timelines. We left at 11:45pm. Thursday evening.  We arrived home today at ~7:00am.  I am at the U.  My wife is at a work meeting, herself.

• One item that played into yesterday also is a situation that has been going on for much of the week, but I haven't mentioned it previously.  Last Sunday, we started to hear sounds in our fireplace.  In the past, it has happened that there were two times a bird had fallen in and could not get out, or a squirrel had fallen in and could not get out.  I could see them through the gate & grate, and being the robust, "Indian Jones"-style, biologist/adventurer I am (Ha, that was said with blistering sarcasm.), I was able to capture the beasts with my (leather gloved) hands and transport them back into the natural environment. This time was different.  We could not see the beast, and the sounds were akin to a rattlesnake shaking its tail with a few squeaks.  I had no idea what it may be, but was presuming a bat due to the sound.  I waited a few days hoping it would dehydrate some and fall to the base of the fireplace so I could better determine if I could rig a way to get it out (I was much more worried about a bat, with the potential for it to carry rabies, and as bats are basically rodents with wings, I know also that they are aggressive biters.).  But, each day, the rattlesnake sounds and squeaks remained, and actually by Tuesday and Wednesday had grown louder and more robust.  This had me become worried this was well beyond my feeble abilities.  It further suggested to me they were bats, because I was now thinking they were getting out and coming back with more of their damnable friends. So I looked up (on the damn phone, which is no where near as confidence building as the old "Yellow Pages" were as most every search resulted in a helluva lot of what seemed scammy, hukster-ish options to sort through) and called one of the companies who of course only had damnable voice mail and no real person to answer the phone.  I left my details.

• I started out Thursday morning still hoping/planning and trying to build the "courage" to go to the Retiree's Cigar Group.  Yes, because of my worry about feeling "out-of-place" or "not accepted" it was taking me a lot of thought to wrangle my mind around the idea that the only worst-case scenario would be that I would not "fit in" and that if I didn't try, I would never know. After praying my usual rosary and listening to daily Mass during my run, the majority of the remainder of my 10 mile (~16km) run was spent me working to give me a "pep talk" and to cajole myself into giving it a try at the group.

• So, after washing and heading to the U, I open an e-mail from the "bat" removal company (I do not know why in the hell they did not simply call me) offering to be at our house at 2:00pm.  Because of my wife's worry (and hell, my own too because it was getting louder), I replied back that 2:00pm was workable. It made me frustrated because that actually meant with the drive time, etc, that effectively there was no way I could participate in the Retiree's Cigar Group.  I would have to have at LEAST a clear two hours of time if I were to go, purchase a cigar, talk with folks and indulge in the cigar.  There was no way I could do this with a group that started "around" noon according to my the fellow from Mass.

• I felt a mixture of frustration and disappointment (in not getting to participate) and yet also a bit of "relief" as well (not having to face my fears/worries about not fitting in), and because of the "relief" also a whole damn bunch of annoyance at myself for feeling this "relief" and the phrase often used by young kids in my elementary school, when I used to BE a young kid rang through my mind, "You are just being "chicken sh*t"!" (back in the day, the kid parlance in the use of this phrase towards another meant that you were much more "chicken" (afraid) than the chicken itself, but you were so much more afraid, you were worse (and more cowardly) that the bird's excrement).

• So, I kept thinking about how "chicken sh*t" I felt I was being, even though I also literally did not have the needed time to experience the group due to the "bat" removal fellow.  So, I conjured up a "1/2" strategy in my mind.  I thought that at least I could partially do what I had said I would do.  I decided to take a trip out to the Cigar Shoppe with the mindset of being a "shopper" meaning I could go in to peruse the cigars, pipe tobaccos and other delights for a bit (probably 10-15 minutes at most, time-wise)... but of more value to me, I might  a) not feel so "chicken sh*t" about myself, and b) I could get a "lay-of-the-land" perspective on how I would "fit in".  

• So, I DID this "shopping visit".  I ended up being in the place for ~10 minutes.  It was actually very pleasant.  In my perusal of their wares, however, I did not see ANY pipes or pipe tobaccos (when I had briefly visited the place many years ago, well before any knowledge of the "Group", there were a few meager pipes and a few meager pipe tobaccos).... but perhaps they were somewhere I had not fully investigated.  I spent most of my time at the cigar cabinets/humidor area which was relatively close to the lounge, so I could sense and hear a bit of the "Group".  There were about 8-9 fellows there (I did not see the person from Mass there), and the snippet of their discussion I could hear seemed wonderfully casual, not intense, and pretty much exactly what I was hoping for in my "best case scenario" I had imagined in my mind.  None of the various "worst case scenario" type things (I had also imagined) were occurring.   

• I had to leave quickly to get home to meet up with the "bat" fellow, and I did not purchase anything.  But,  I have a good idea of their stock and I can research a bit to try to see which cigar I may best enjoy.  However, the best part is with the "listening" I did, I feel more excited (and more comfortable) about planning to go next Thursday (July 18th).  I think it WILL be fun. I know that at least this first time next week, I will smoke a cigar and not my pipe, but I should be able to better discern if a pipe would "fit in" or not.

• When I arrived home, it was only about 5 minutes before the "bat" fellow arrived.  He could hear the noise emanating from our fireplace.  He said it did "sound like bats".  I sealed him off in the room and peered in through a narrow crack in the door, in case the bat(s) suddenly flew out into the room, as I was not wanting to get bit. He tried first to see the beast with his flashlight though the glass door (like I had), to no avail.  He then cautiously opened the door, the sound intensified.  He started to peer into the chimney stack and he kept looking and looking. Finally, he closed the door to the fireplace and came out to me.  "Uh, they might be bats, but I am not really sure, as they are not behaving like normal bats.  I am not sure what they are, but there's at least 15 of them in there."  He went outside to call his boss at the company for advice, and to investigate more outside, and saw one or two fly out.  

• He came back in excited.  My boss told me that they were "Chimney Swifts" and that they were rare around here, and in fact are in many regions considered a threatened species.  He then told me that while he was outside, he looked up the birds on his phone and the sound was exactly the same.  He had never seen these birds before (and he worked for this company for over 5 years, he said).   He gave us a quote (~$1,000) to put one-way exit caps on the chimneys and other measures to ensure once the birds left, they could not get back in.  

• I am glad it was not bats.  I watched and listened to a video about Chimney Swifts after the fellow left and they are interesting birds. They cling individually to the side wall (or a chimney or wherever they are are roosting) and hunker down so they do look like a typical "ball-like" sleeping bat.  And, when disturbed they will (en masse) emit this crazy alarm signal (the rattlesnake-like sound) to attempt to frighten off potential predators.  

• So..... half..... I did "sort of" 1/2 of what I had wanted to do associated with the Cigar Shoppe and the Group.  Half of me is glad that I did this "1/2" at least, but half of me still is calling myself "half-*ssed, chicken sh*t" for that "sense of relief" I briefly felt though I could NOT go to the Group because of the bat guy. Also, "half-*assed" apply applies to my feelings about the news media and several big-wig "Democrats" of late who cannot seem to do anything but bash Biden.  Mark my words.... IF they dump Joe, I guarantee there will be a tRump win in November.... which is what I think the MEDIA wants because it is entertaining and sells their papers and television channels.... and someday down the road, perhaps soon, but perhaps years from now, the regular Democratic voters will recognize how they were DUPED into this absolutely bad decision to dump Joe.  About 1/2 of my SIL's appointments are scheduled for next week in her getting ready for dialysis next step.  My MIL appears to have about 1/2 fewer hallucinations at the moment which is helpful.  

I am quite sleepy.  Too damn much money is flying out of our savings with all the above.

PipeTobacco

Nitty Gritty & More

 

Ok, with scant energy reserves, I thought today would be best accommodated by talking in bullet points:

• SIL - yesterday, she received news from her clinician that she needs to begin dialysis.  This is of course devastating to her, her family, my wife, and me.  Of course, the procedure will take a bit of time to get started and there will be surgeries, trainings, and all manner of things before it becomes an actual task that occurs.  The normal procedure is to get things started first by having a port implanted in the neck to begin dialysis and trainings, but within the first 90 days or so a second, more invasive surgery is needed to insert a fistula for longer term use.  We are all devastated by this prognosis. 

• MIL - was having new hallucinations yesterday, and we worry she may have an infection (UTIs tend to seem to correlate strongly with her beginning to hallucinate).  

• Offspring Item #1 -  the person I no longer write about had need of a vehicular repair which we (I & my wife) paid for, and we retrieved the vehicle.  On the way home, said vehicle had a transmission failure and it so happened as I was driving it on the busiest, most chaotic, multi-lane roadway in our city.  I could not move the vehicle at all.  I was stuck in the middle of traffic with flashers on for ~ an hour until a tow truck was able to arrive and transport the vehicle back for repair.

• Offspring Item #2 - illogical, very poorly thought out decisions and ideas by an offspring, who has suddenly, out of nowhere decided to completely upend the plans she has been working diligently and successfully towards for years to do something entirely different because she suddenly began to feel tired of "things" as they were.  

• Offspring Item #3 - another one of our offspring is set to begin an overseas trip in the next few days and was in a "panic mode" of worry, and trying to pack, etc.  This item was the more minor stress yesterday compared to the others.  

So, a whole helluva lot of chaos, grief, and worry yesterday.  

* * * * * 

So, other items:

• Yesterday, before all the chaos, I felt like I really did not want to run outdoors for two reasons 1) the air quality index was reporting a high number (high = poor air quality) in our region,  and b) the thought of running in the intense sun yesterday (I overslept to about 7:15am and it was already extremely sunny and hot) seemed overwhelming.  I had already gotten some sun the day before yesterday and my face and neck had a bit of reddishness, and that was a cloudy day. So, I decided to go to the indoor track... filtered air, air conditioning, and no sunlight.  I was hoofing out miles, and then all of a sudden I stumbled (the front tip of my shoe contacted the track, I must have not been lifting my foot sufficiently) and fell hard onto the track.  I hit both on my rib-cage (knocked the wind out of me), and my elbows.  The track is on the second floor surrounding the perimeter of a large basketball gymnasium.  When I fell, it knocked my lap clicker out of my hand and it clattered around and through the fence of the track and then clattered down to the first floor gymnasium below.  I slowly got up, making sure nothing was too badly damaged on my body, shuffled off downstairs to retrieve my clicker, and said "To hell with it." and left.  I had ran only 5.1 miles (~ 8km).  

I went home, washed and drove to the U.  Then all the sh*tty stuff above began to happen the rest of the day.  

• By the time I finished with the transmission failure, my nerves and emotional state were beyond shot.  My wife wanted to go see/talk with her sister, so I went back to the U (I had left most everything on in my office and lab, thinking I was going back to do work after the "easy" planned pickup of the vehicle... which then failed on the way back.  I know it may sound utterly stupid and foolish, but the hour I waited with the damn vehicle before the tow truck arrived shot my nerves to hell well beyond what had already transpired during the day.  Again, I can recognize it was utterly stupid and foolish TODAY, but while waiting with that damn vehicle, all I could feel was a complete sense of FAILURE.  Stupid though it is, I was weeping while I sat in the damn vehicle, cursing at myself all the while for all my many shortcomings.  And while the shortcomings are true, weeping and cursing about them accomplishes nothing.  

• When I got back to the U, I was too damn emotionally drained to be able to concentrate on anything, so I shut down my computers and the things running in the lab, and then went to the U Fitness Center and pounded out 5 miles (~8km) on the U's indoor track. I was able to stomp out some of the grief, some of the anxiety, and some of the shame I felt.  

• Last night, my wife and I were rather quiet from all the emotional turmoil, but we had a pleasant dinner and watched a bit of television. 

• This morning, it was densely cloudy and gently rainy.  Even though I was sore from the fall yesterday, I was able to hoof out 11.3 miles (~18 km) in the gentle rain.  

• I do not know what to think/do about the Retiree's Cigar Group tomorrow.  Part of me desperately wants to go, hoping it would be a way to potentially bridge safely what I am missing.  But, there are also a lot of worries, a) What if I do not fit in?  That would feel sad. b) I am not sure if the friend from Mass will be there or not because he wasn't at Mass this past week.  He may be visiting a daughter in California.  He would be a valuable segue for me into the group, but if he is not there? c) all the worries about my SIL, MIL, and the damn vehicle also give me pause.  I want to go, but I am not sure if I SHOULD go nor if it is responsible of me to go amidst all this.  I do have to admit  I feel nervous about "fitting in" and would hate to fail at another thing this week.

PipeTobacco

Lots of Stressful News

Unfortunately, a lot of stressful news has been happening today.  I will try to write more about it tomorrow.  

SIL health issues, MIL health issues, kid issues, vehicle issues, and more.

I will try to write it out tomorrow. I am too exhausted and frazzled.

PipeTobacco

Just Obnoxious

 

 

So.... President Biden gives an interview to George Stephanopoulos that was broadcast last Friday.  Biden's interview was quite strong and was in my opinion quite good. 

Following the interview, ABC (home for Sephanopoulos), CNN, and NYT went in depth.... not about the interview which they glossed over.... but went in depth..... again..... ramming home their far too overstated hyperbole that the debate was a "failure and disaster" and that Biden "must step down".  

I just find this character assassination of Biden appalling and rather sinister.  I believe it is a form of unfortunately widely accepted age discrimination.  

But, more to the point.... I am now of the belief that ABC, CNN, and NYT are playing an even more sinister "money game" at this point.  I am of the belief that ABC, CNN, and NYT are wanting and hoping for Trump to win in November.... BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE EACH NEWS OUTLET A TON OF MONEY, pure and simple.  

I believe that with the fragmented way we receive news and information these days, even the big players like ABC, CNN, and NYT are struggling to capture an audience, and that they each know and remember how strong their numbers were during the Trump presidency because they could have new, outlandish things to report on damn near every day.  People would flock to hear the craziness.  

With Biden's calm, careful, and meaningful political work.... a lot of folks had less worry, less urgency to see what was up politically... and this is the only reason why I figure out why ABC, CNN, and NYT are so horribly distorted and denigrating about Biden.  THEY WANT THE MONEY AND VIEWERSHIP a second Trump presidency would bring.  

Other thoughts:

• Biden WON all the primaries!  The voters chose him.  To dump Biden, no matter who the replacement is would take away the vote of the people who participated in the primaries.

• A lot of talk keeps suggesting that Biden should step aside and give the reigns to Kamala Harris.  This really makes NO sense whatsoever.  If Biden should face some sort of health crisis anytime in the future, Kamala would by DEFAULT become President.  So, shouldn't we stay the course and keep who the primary voters decided?  Kamala's numbers are no different (or slightly lower) than Biden's.  

• Others talk about some "OTHER" candidate.  This is even MORE insane.  Can you imagine the turmoil that would happen if Biden is FORCED OUT, and Kamala is not the nominee, but instead... SOMEONE ELSE?!?? Imagine the chaos!  Imagine the infighting!  It would be 1968 all over again.  There is no way in hell we would have a Democrat elected in November if this were to occur.  

• "But, but... what about Michelle Obama?!?!?!  Her numbers are GREAT!!!!!"  (sigh)  The pure insanity of this idea goes beyond measure.  Do not get me wrong, I really like Michelle Obama.  But, 1) she has never ran for political office of any sort, and 2) she has expressed numerous times she did not want to hold political office.  

I think what is going on in the media to try to get folks to turn against Biden is actually rather horrible and sinister. 

* * * * *

• It was quite warm (mid 70s (~23C)) at 5am this morning.  However, it was also beautifully cloudy!  So, I decided to try to get my week off to a good start by hoofing out a respectable 13.2 miles (~21 km).... my first 1/2 Marathon in July.   It felt good, but I was tired at the end.  I had my heart rate in the 150+ BPM range during ~1/2 of the run too, to hopefully bolster my aerobics.  My resting heart rate this morning when I got out of bed was 51 BPM.

• Did some cleaning at home before going to the U..... started some deeper cleaning of the basement, deeper cleaning of the garage, and got out a lot of trash and recyclables in preparation for the garbage folks tomorrow morning.  

• Working today at the U on more of the lab manual changes to help out the lab instructors for Fall.

• I am still hoping that Thursday will be a great time at the "Retiree's Cigar Group".  However, I am a bit nervous in that the fellow from Mass who invited me was NOT at Mass this past weekend.  I am wondering if perhaps he has gone out towards California to visit one of his kids.  I was hoping he would be able to help me segue into the group more easily and successfully.  I am a bit nervous on whether I would fit in or not with the group.    

PipeTobacco
 

Rut

It is more than a bit frustrating to me that now that I am officially NOT teaching for a few weeks, that I am feeling as if I am in a rut.  It sounds stupid, but I have had this feeling take over my thoughts other Summers too.  I have to work and force myself to get out of that type of thinking, however, which is difficult to do.  

I mean, seriously.... what is life about?  For most of us, the day-to-day IS fairly routine and predictable.  For me, the things I tend to have as foci (good or bad) in the day-to-day are (NOTE, not in any particularly order):

1. my wife

2.  work

3.  running

4.  pipes and pipe tobaccos

5.  research

6.  worry about the kids

7.  thoughts of and participation in my RCC faith

8.  thoughts about food

9.  our dog and cat

10.  my various responsibilities

And, trust me, I am NOT trying to be maudlin, but at times it just seems like..... what the hell?  Shouldn't I be doing something more?  Shouldn't I try to strive to do something?  Shouldn't I try to make a difference? 

It is, I think, an unsettled feeling that I get because one of my "routines" stops for a bit (the teaching).  I do not know, though.  But, it is making me feel out of sorts.  What the hell will retirement feel like?  Will I feel "better" or will I feel more "out-of-sorts"?!?!  

* * * * * 

• Ran an EXTREMELY sweaty and difficult 10.5 miles (~17 km) today.  I did not have any Masses to listen to during my run, and did not feel like listening to my Mass Music channel, nor my Bossa Nova channel, nor my Crosby, Stills, & Nash channel on Pandora while I ran, so instead I listed to the news on NPR while I ran and prayed the roasary.  I do not think I could be more wet after this run, if I had been in a downpour.  It was also sunny, so I had my face, neck, hands and knees slathered with sunscreen as well, which made me feel sticky.  The folks on NPR must have been in "outer space" because they kept saying it was 63 degrees (~17 C)... but there was no way in hell it was that pleasant.  At the end of my run, I checked the Weather Channel app on my phone and it said it was 79 degrees(~26 C) .... and that made a lot more sense.  I think the local NPR newsreader was looking at some old data from perhaps 3:00am and kept repeating it.  
• I do not know what to really write about my pipes and pipe tobaccos anymore.  Yesterday, my wife and I went to her Sister's house and we (me, my wife, my SIL and my BIL (my SIL's husband)) had a cookout and just talked.  It was very pleasant.  But, I have to admit that all day long, yesterday, I was feeling a strong desire to have a pipe.  As I was working in my den earlier, I kept loosing focus on what I should have been doing (very mundane, tedious examination of a damnable new edition of a lab manual that we must adopt for Fall classes as the previous edition was discontinued) and kept instead fussing around and looking at my pipes on the pipe rack by my monitor.  And, the desire for a pipe amplified further at my SIL's as we sat around a campfire in their backyard.  Now that I am accepting that the desires for a pipe and pipe tobacco will apparently never lessen, what do I now do with that knowledge?  
• I also have been thinking a lot about the Retiree's Cigar Gathering.  I should be able to go this Thursday.  I am hoping it will be as enjoyable as I envision.  I have to admit I feel rather (stupidly) nervous about the whole thing.  Sometimes I can be such an idiot I cannot even understand it myself.  But, I am "a bit" nervous about it.  What if I do not fit in?  That would be a rather big disappointment. 

Enough of my blathering, I guess.  Back to the damn lab manual today as well.  

PipeTobacco
  

July 4th

Just a brief post today as I am going to now go run even though it is blistering outside.  I was too tired this morning.  

I hope it is a nice day for everyone.  

PipeTobacco

Comments Commentary "Monday" (on Wednesday)

 

First.... just a brief note about Joe Biden... I have been wanting to talk about this since last Thursday.... but got side tracked by the electronica issue and U work and just generally "catching up".  So here goes:

1.  Joe Biden DID NOT have a great debate last Thursday.  BUT... IMO, in no way, shape or form was it the "disaster" that a lot of folks in some surprising media outlets are proclaiming.  The way both the New York Times and CNN are bashing Biden and calling for him to quit the election is in my opinion APPALLING!  Joe Biden stumbled some at first (the man had a bad cold and did not feel great), but was was strong and clear for the last 2/3 of the debate.  

2.  The calling (especially by the NYT and CNN) for Biden to step down are FOOLISH, ill-advised, and bigoted in my opinion.  It speaks of ageism in my manner of thinking.  

3.  I think if Biden were to step down, it would ASSURE that Trump would win.  There would be too much chaos in the Democratic party and it would be akin to the 1968 Convention all over again.  

4.  To try to oust Biden at this late stage would also be a slap in the face to all the primary voters who supported and voted for Biden.  

5.  I think Biden is far stronger than folks are giving him credit for.  One weaker debate and folks are ready to throw him out with the bathwater. It is infuriating.

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Again, because of the difficulty with electronica while in Canada, it meant that I was unable to post on Monday this week, as I could do nothing other than work to catch up on U things during my unexpected electronic hiatus.  I had thought of writing about comments today but in looking back, all the comments from last week (the one day I was posting) were about the then upcoming debate.... and I gave my opinions about that above.  :)   So, I will now return to commenting again next Monday like is my new "usual".  :)  

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• Ran a hard 12 miles (~19 km) today.  My body has felt rather tired this week.  I am not sure why.  

• Tomorrow is Independence Day.  I am not sure what my wife has planned for us to do.  I will just go with the flow.  

• Sometimes it feels rather too melancholy to think about my pipes and pipe tobaccos, for while I miss them and would very much like to be following my old ways with them, it does seem a rather "Impossible Dream" (yes, I am hearing the song from "Man of La Mancha" in my mind) in 2024.  I miss how it was back then.  (and yes, I am also hearing the theme song from "The Way We Were" in my mind too).  I CANNOT not think about them, but sometimes when I do think about them, instead of being able to remember the beauty of how it used to be, it just feels sad that it is not that way today.  

• I am still excited (and still a bit nervous) about the potential retirees "Cigar Social" that I want to try on the 11th. I hope it will be a good thing for me, and hope I may be able to parlay it eventually into being a spot for me to have an occasional pipe.

PipeTobacco

International Challenge

 

 

My ability to communicate here abruptly came to a halt after last Tuesday.  It was rather frustrating on many levels.  

I had another conference to go to last week to present some research findings.  This time the conference was being held at Western University in London, Ontario.  It was actually a good conference and my results were found very interesting and thought provoking by the many who were there.  

However, communication and electronica overall was a DISASTER.  As soon as my wife and I crossed into Canada, our phones failed to function.  However, our cellular plan has within its service, the ability too use the services across all of North America (Canada, Mexico, and of course, the United States).  We were dismayed and frustrated as we had hopes and needs to use our phones for navigating in London, Ontario as we searched for fun at times I was not at the conference.  

By late Friday, we had figured out what was the problem.  Our cellular carrier as well as apparently 3 other common cellular carries in the U.S. work with some specific international company to "bridge" the service when U.S. citizens are out of the United States.  What we heard (from hotel folks who were inundated by lots of people trying to figure this out) was that this company had some sort of software issue that effectively shut down any cross-border ability to use cellular data for the carriers they work with.  And our cellular carrier was one of those.  

The worst part of this (beyond not being able to use the phone) was that it also rendered my COMPUTER worthless as well because the U has this damnable multifactor authentication system that REQUIRES when logging into the computer, verification of identity by typing in an array of numbers sent to your cell phone.  Without putting in those numbers, the computer would not allow you to log on.  

So, we were electronica free from Wednesday (the day we left) until our return.  In many ways it was pleasant, but not being able to access e-mail (after I told my students I would faithfully look at e-mail to help them while I was gone) and the loss of the phone's ability to provide navigation directions in the city were missed.  

Still, while there we did have some nice experiences:

1.  We were able to see a temporary exhibit about Banksy, the artist especially known for his grafitti work.  It was both an overview of his art but also a historical review of his artistic life.  I have always liked his work since I became aware of it in the early 2000s.  The exhibit was exceptionally interesting and was an exciting and unexpected find while we were there.  My wife and I made t-shirts (for mine, I used a replica of one his stencils to make a rat similar to one of Banksy's rats... I will wear it running).

2.  We had some very nice Ethiopian food at a restaurant named Enat.  Ethiopian food is always amazing.  The spicy lentils are always especially good.  Injera bread is a personal favorite too.  

3.  We also had some delicious Thai food (Bangkok Pad Thai Resturaunt).  My choice was to have a vegetable red curry.  

4.  We also dined at a delicious vegetarian Chinese restaurant named Zen Garden.  The most exciting thing was in how delicious their dim sum was.  The dough had a beautiful texture along with a slight sweetness that complimented the contents well.  

5.  My wife and I attended Mass on Saturday at St. Peter's Cathedral Basilica.  It was exceptionally beautiful inside.  Unexpectedly, the cathedral's music was all the same of that which we are used to in our diocese.  That is often NOT the case.  In other trips (both in Canada and the U.S.) different dioceses often have quite diverse music preferences. We also sang "O Canada" at the end of Mass in celebration of the upcoming (yesterday, on Monday) of Canada Day. 

Overall the trip was a very nice experience.  However, London, Ontario was also surprisingly more "run down" and rather far more "grungy" than we were expecting.  Generally, in all of our years of traveling to different places in Canada, we were always rather impressed with the overall very neat and tidy atmosphere that we would find wherever we would go in Canada (big city [ie Toronto, Montreal], or small village) compared to most places in the U.S.  I am thinking that London, Ontario must have had some significant difficulty as a city following Covid-19, as it felt like it was struggling in a variety of ways.  

* * * * * 

• Ran 8.3 miles (~13km) yesterday and ran 10.5 miles (~17km) this morning. 

• Yes, I DID look for a potential pipe store to visit in London, Ontario.  But, prior to leaving on the trip, I could not locate a single one in the city.  I also looked for a cigar lounge in the city to no avail.  I was surprised for how large a city London, Ontario is for Canada, that it did not have at least ONE real pipe shop. 
  

• Apparently cannabis is far more popular than tobacco in London, Ontario for I saw AT LEAST six different cannabis shops, including TWO of them that were specifically highlighted as being owned and operated by the indigenous people of Ontario. 

I will try to do a comments post for tomorrow since I was unable to post yesterday and wanted to talk about why I was away in today's post.  

PipeTobacco