Uh, Ok.

 

The "debate" last night.... just unbelievable.  I could not stomach watching it for longer than a few minutes, and switched off to find more relaxing pursuits.  

 NPR gave me a relatively brief summary this morning, and I can safely say that I missed nothing of any importance.  As expected, Trump was horrible, mean, and obnoxious.  As expected (sadly), Biden was not as coherent and as focused as he should have been.  

 While Biden has a clear lead in the polls at this time, I am deeply concerned that in the next 5 weeks that the pressures will become so hot, so volatile, that some will either a) start to waffle and drift in terms of support to replace Trump, or b) begin to feel again that their vote is unimportant and NOT vote. 

 Another four years of this would be so disastrous.    

* * * * *

I ran 9 miles in heavy rain this morning.  It was 50 degrees (10 C) and there was a very strong headwind that I had to run into for 1/2 of the run.  I was very happy to get it over with and take a warm shower.  I prayed the rosary during the first part of the run.  But I had finished my prayer before I completed the 9 miles.  

As I continued running, I let my mind drift a bit, and I ended up thinking about my Dad.  It has been over 26 years now that I have seen him when he was alive.  In my mind, I was reliving a few of my favorite spending time moments with him.  I was remembering the many times we went out together to eat a few Coney dogs together and just sit and talk with big mugs of root beer to accompany the dogs.  

But, I was also remembering the many times we would smoke our pipes together, and I was especially remembering one camping trip where he and I both stayed up far later than the others in our group...  deep into the late, late hours of evening, sitting around the campfire, smoking our pipes, quiet much of the time, with occasional bits of conversation, just feeling the sensations of the forest around us, feeling calm, feeling timeless.   This particular time I was remembering occurred during the Summer before I started graduate school, so I was just 21 at the time.  It was probably only about 4-6 weeks before this, that I had chosen which graduate program to attend from the ones who offered me a teaching assistantship and tuition waiver.  So I felt good, and felt a sense of relief.  I felt this relief because a) I *had* been accepted into graduate school, b) my hoped for future plans had actually gelled into something I could rely upon and I did not feel as nebulous about what I would do.  So, I felt very peaceful.  My Dad (and my Mom too, of course) was quite proud and happy for me.  Everything about that evening felt so right.  Life seemed to have purpose and meaning.  I felt I was a part of really working towards "trying to do good" with my life via the path I selected.   It felt like I had a legitimate path and with hard work, I could continue to try to become a person who would be able to make some sort of positive difference.  And, everything felt so good in life at that moment.

 PipeTobacco 

Wheel Tread

 

I am still finding that I spend too damn much time on the computer at the moment.  But, I can say that at this time, I am finding I am able to "tread water" so-to-speak, instead of like during my absence where I was feeling akin to gasping and struggling to stay afloat within a whirlpool.  I would really like to get to a better place than just "treading water", however.  My effort at the  moment is try to try to fix things so that the following can return back to a part of my day-to-day routine:

1.  Writing here every day like I had set initially as my goal in 2020.

2.  A return to reading and commenting on other's blogs again.  I miss them.

3.  A return to reading the daily comics that I so enjoy.

4.  A return to having at least some small part of each day being unstructured.  As it is, I am still simply going from task to task all day long until I drop into bed.  

5.  A return to smoking my pipes.  (Hah!  I was wondering if you were actually reading this far!  And, yes, while it is true that I would LOVE that to be part of my day-to-day routine, it is not really something I should be trying to pursue as you know.)

*  *  *  *  *

When I forced myself out of bed at 4:54am this morning, I was delighted that it was calm outside.  My weather app had been predicting that there would be strong winds in the morning (~10mph (~16kph)).  I do not find running into a strong wind to be enjoyable.  Therefore, with the calm.... I had a much more enjoyable 9 mile (14.4km) run this morning.

*  *  *  *  *

Tonight is the first presidential debate.  I am on the fence about watching it or not.  My vote is already set, so there is no real "voting value" for me to watch.  But....

1.  It MIGHT be entertaining.

2.  It might also be as annoying as hell.

3.  It may frustrate or anger me.

4.  It may feel like a waste of time.

So, I will have to decide later if the risk is worth it to watch.  

PipeTobacco

Still Struggling Some

 Short post today.... I am still feeling quite “under the gun” with regard to keeping up on the electronica of my classes.  I think my focus will be that today, in an effort to try to feel in a better position. 

PipeTobacco 

Kharman Ghia

 

As I came into campus today, to socially distance in my office and try to get a lot of work done, I saw driving around in the parking lot next to the faculty lot a beautiful, nearly mint appearing Volkswagen Kharman Ghia!  It was of a similar color an hue to the photograph above.  

It brought back a lot of memories!   I had always wanted to have a Kharman Ghia when I was younger and really enamored by Volkswagens.  The VW Beetle I drove around for a number of years while in college was the same color as the Kharman Ghia I saw today.  I think I remember correctly that the paint color was called "Seafoam  Blue".  I believe I am right, because one Summer, I decided to spruce my Beetle up a bit, by sanding the rust off of the rims, putting on a coat of primer,  and then painting the rims the same color as the body before putting the small hub cap back on.  I am pretty sure the spray paint I bought was "Seafoam Blue".

My Beetle was a helluva lot of fun, but I would have really enjoyed driving the Kharman Ghia as well.

PipeTobacco 

"Crazy Polenta"

 

While in a mood to make a meal that was different, yet comforting, and using ingredients on hand a while ago, my wife and I embarked on a bit of an adventure.  My wife is not one to feel particularly "creative" in terms of making up meals.... she is far more of a precise cook who follows a given recipe to the letter.    I, on the other-hand, have never seen or used a recipe that I did not modify is some form or fashion.  

So, in the meal I am about to describe, my role was a dual one.  I ended up being the "creative force" (in other words, I made up the recipe) and was an "assistant". My wife was the primary chef.  My "assistant" role  was in creating the spice profile for the dish and in cutting up some of the components to assist my wife as she prepared the food.  

What we made was something I have now named "Crazy Polenta".  In the photo above you see traditional polenta, which is a sort of "corn porridge" and is very tasty.  But, my vision was something a bit different.  When my wife made the polenta, I had her add a bit more corn meal than typically called for, and a bit less moisture.  And, I added into the corn meal a variety of spices.... curry, allspice, ginger, fresh basil, a bit of honey, pepper, and salt.  We then poured the mixture into a baking pan (basically one of our cake pans) and baked it in the oven until the polenta had set to a firm texture and was slightly browned on the surface.  

Next, using the onions and green peppers I had sliced thinly, my wife put those on a parchment lined cookie sheet to roast until there were plenty of brown edges of caramelization on the vegetables.  

Next, I found a jar of prepared Alfredo Sauce in the pantry, and warmed it and added slices of sauteed mushrooms we had in the refrigerator from a few days before

We then cut the polenta into pleasant sized squares, put a heaping level of the caramelized vegetables on top, covered with a bit of the Alfredo/mushroom sauce, and sprinkled a bit of parmesan cheese on top.  

We had steamed broccoli, and some mixed vegetables with it, and of course a humongous salad.  

We both really enjoyed the dish and the meal quite a bit!

* * * * *

 Small addendum regarding yesterday's "Reunion" post about the high school reunion I had attended several years ago.  When the "prizes" were awarded, one of the other humorous aspects was that when a person received a prize, as they came up, someone in the reunion team had obtained photos of the recipients and with each prize, they had on one side a photo of the person from the high school year book, and another photo of them in the current day.  It seems the person who created the presentation had contacted a significant other for the prize winner to get the current day image.  My wife later had told me she was asked to submit the photo of me.  She selected a head shot photo of me in almost the same pose as my high school yearbook photo. The major difference was that I had on one of my tweedy snap-brimmed hats and had a pipe clenched in my teeth. 

PipeTobacco

Reunion

 

What I am writing about today occurred probably close to 7 years ago.  

High School Reunions are a sort of "mythical" experience according to lore or legend in  (U.S.) American culture.  I had avoided attending any high school reunions over the several decades because I simply was not really interested in hearing about the folks I went to high school with whom I did not already keep in touch with through other means.  

 I do keep in touch regularly with five friends who were important friends in my high school experience. They are great.  But, other than those five, I  never really felt any great need to be in contact with the other ~400 people in my graduating class.  

But, I did go once, for a "milestone" number reunion (as you can read above it was several years ago).  And, I admit it was pleasantly enjoyable.  Two of my five friends also attended this one so that was nice.  I was able to talk some with the girl I took to senior prom.  Interestingly, my "steady" girlfriend for 10th and 11th grade did not attend, so I did not get to see how she transformed after all these decades.  

Most folks were surprised by me.... I did not wear a beard/mustache back in high school, even though I have sported both continuously since I was 19 (I was a late bloomer (late into puberty) as well, which was challenging in junior high and high school).  I was also a bit taller than most seemed to remember.  

As my wife was driving, I also was joyfully able to indulge in a few gin & tonics, so I had a pleasantly "sloshy" feeling during the evening.  

Before I had gone to the reunion, I had briefly though about what it would be like to see two people who I actually did not really like much (understatement) in high school.  These two fellows were classic "bullies".  It was not something I actually dwelled upon for long (that actually surprised me), but it was a fleeting thought in the back of my mind.  I came to find out that one of the two had passed away already.  The other fellow was there.  He was just as loud as he used to be, but did not seem as crass and mean towards folks as he used to be.  He even engaged me in some conversation.  I was surprised.  

It was surprising in some regards..... a) a lot of the folks seemed pretty much the same personality wise to how they were in high school, for better or worse, b) I actually had a lot more hair on my pate than a lot of the other fellows, which surprised me some, c) more of the females of my class remembered me and were chatting with me than I ever thought would, and d) it was actually fun to go in a "detached" sort of way.  I am glad I went, but it wasn't any more fun and not as valuable as taking my wife out on a date or hanging out with my family.    

One last thing.... when I was notified of this "milestone" number reunion, the notification came with a fairly hefty amount of paperwork they asked to have you fill out.  It seemed odd to me, but I filled it out and sent it back.  This was a few months before the "big party".  Well, apparently, all these forms were designed to help folks make a variety of "prizes" that were given away.  

I actually "won" two prizes that day of the twenty or so they gave away:

1.  For the "nerdiest" club"  (for the Biology Club I created, where I tried to get everyone to work on real research experiments).  I received a $20 Gift Card.

2.  For the Member of the Class who ended up going to college and earning the highest degree.  I received a $50 dollar gift card.  

PipeTobacco

During

 

The last few weeks truly were completely computer teaching focused.  And of that time, most of the effort (probably 80-85%) was all about DELIVERY of content.... not the actual content itself.  That is the part that so flummoxes and floors me.  Biology CONTENT is what I am a specialist in.  Be it in teaching or research, biology is my "thing".  

DELIVERY of content is a WHOLE DIFFERENT THING.  DELIVERY is its OWN specialty.  But, 80-85% of the last few weeks has had me be pretending to be a DELIVERY specialist.  

That is what made the last few weeks so, so exhausting and made me glued to the computer for around 80 hours a week.  

I *think* I have enough of the DELIVERY aspects of my five courses set up, that I am *hoping* from here on out for the semester, perhaps only 25% of my effort will now focus on DELIVERY, and 75% can focus on biology.  And, I am *aiming* to have a return to approximately a 40 hour work week.  

For a Covid-19 Pandemic world, I feel if I can get to the 25% DELIVERY: 75% BIOLOGY ratio, that will be excellent and sustainable.  It is still vastly different than the pre-Covid life where I estimate my role was 10% DELIVERY: 90% BIOLOGY... mostly because pre-Covid, real world, face-to-face teaching is a whole helluva lot easier and intuitive to deliver.  

* * * * *

During this time, I have been averaging a little under 5 hours of sleep a night.  For health and well-being, I NEED to get that back UP to at least 6 hours.  I *would* like to truly get 8 hours, but that always seems like such a pipe dream.  

The only times I have had that did not involve thinking about delivery of content were a) when I went to sleep (but many dreams ended up being work related nightmares), b) when at Mass, or c) when running.  

When I was thinking while running, I seem to for these last few weeks have been focused on my high school experiences.  While I did have a lot of fun in high school, and belonged to a lot of clubs, played in band (including jazz band), and formed a biology club, was in three high school musicals and all sorts of other things... what kept being my focus during the runs was on how embarrassed, how non-athletic, how clumsy, how shy, and how "husky" I was.  I was always a smart kid, but I hated being the "fat kid", and it was a really hard struggle that I did not really know how to cope with.  The feelings of shame, of embarrassment, of being unworthy, of being a failure are such a part of my junior high school and high school experience primarily because I was a) a "hefty" sized kid in a school of mostly normal weighted kids, b) a smart kid in a school where the majority of the kids didn't give a damn about being "smart" and in fact, tended to value far more those that eschewed learning, and c) a  clumsy kid who did not have any appreciable skills in any sport (or at least anything the high school crowd gave a damn about).  

Even though I "knew" of these experiences and thoughts, and realize that they have influenced my life.  I think I have been feeling more and more how those thoughts, fears, and insecurities in high school are in many ways still inside me.  Even though I now weigh 163lb (74 kg or 11.5 stone at the moment) which is roughly 60lb (27kg or 4.3 stone) less than I did in high school... I still perceive myself to be the "hefty" kid I was in high school.  I view myself and my actions through that same filter of my being the kid who just wasn't as good or as valued as any of the others. 

PipeTobacco

Cause of Absence

First, I apologize for my very abrupt silence.  It was not my intention, nor was it my plan.  It did shoot to hell my goal of writing each and every day as well.  

So, the long-and-short of it, is that I was away, because I was overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with the way to get the Fall semester started. I have been literally on the computer almost non-stop from morning to night other than when I had to be in class for face-to-face.  

I have five classes this semester.  Two are now wholly online due to Covid-19 restrictions, two are hybrid with a mix of face-to-face and online due to Covid-19, and one is face-to-face.  But, all require back-up-plans to be completely online for students who test positive or have to quarantine because they had an exposure.  

So, in reality, every class has to be online, but also half of my work also has to be face-to-face.  

In the Summer, I did this well for the class I had.

Fortunately, I have that same class this Fall, so the framework I used can be MOSTLY reused (of course there is still a helluva lot of fiddling to try to do it better now that I know better what works well and what does not).  

But, four classes had to be built electronically from the ground up.  And, it takes MUCH, MUCH longer than it seems it should.... if you try to do it with quality.  

 Until this past weekend, I was so completely glued to the computer, day and night, whether at work or at home.... anytime I was not in front of the class..... that I felt I was a cyborg.  And, all I was doing for the first few weeks was treading water to keep from drowning.  

Setting things up is so, so laborious.  My mouse hand is overworked beyond belief because everything in our U's LMS requires mouse clicks over and over and over again.  

It was not until last Friday morning that I finally felt I was not just desperately treading water to keep out of the whirlpool, and felt that I finally reached a manageable, albeit extremely hectic routine.  

I tried to get a bit ahead on Saturday, and I took Sunday off.  So, here I am.  I am trying to be back here.  I have missed all of you, but I could not do more than I did.

I am sorry.

PipeTobacco