2800

 

Ok.  So, today is the last day of 2021.  I thought I would start by discussing some of my statistics:

• When I ran this morning, I ran 8.5 miles to complete 55.2 miles for the week (88.8 km)
  
• In total during the year 2021, I have ran 2,800.1 miles (4,506.3 km).
• I weighed in this morning at 161 pounds (73 kg, 11.5 Stone).
• BMI calculates out to be 21.8 (right in the middle of "normal" BMI)
  
• Blood pressure was 100/65 upon awakening.
• Heart rate upon awakening was 52 BPM.

So, I have kept my health parameters in check and consistent through this year.  I am glad for this.  I am also happy to have accomplished the greatest number of running miles I have ever done in a single year.  I think that 2,800 miles is not too damn shabby for a grey-haired old codger like me.   I think running has been physically difficult and physically challenging, of course... but the benefits have outweighed the difficulties.  Running for me is a very significant tool that I use to help me to modulate stress to some sort of manageable level, the stresses and anxieties are a large part of my current life.  That has been running's most important value for me.  

What are my exercise goals for 2022?  I am not 100% sure yet, as I will be trying to firm these ideas up during the day today.  I do not know if I can realistically coax more miles out of my body each week than I currently do (I averaged 53.8 miles (86.6km) each week in 2021).  Perhaps I could manage to bump the average up to 55 miles a week.  I may just decide to aim for staying consistent and keep doing what I have been in 2021.  I think I will keep the goal from 2021 of running at least one half marathon run (13.1 miles, 21.1km) each month.  Maybe I should put on my goals for 2022, the idea of running at least ONE marathon length run (26.2 miles, 42.2km) during the year.  I really do not know if I could succeed in accomplishing an actual marathon length run without having any breaks or stoppages.  I really do not know.  If I do set it as a goal, it will gnaw at me if I fail, so I am not in sure if I should set that as a goal or not.

* * * * *

With tonight being New Year's Eve, my wife and I will write our "Hopes & Dreams" document that we have done each New Year's Eve since we started dating.  We have all of these from over all the years, and I have the prior years all in a book, and the 2021 sheet will go into the book tonight as I replace it in the picture frame with the one for 2022.  We have the picture frame hanging in our bedroom.  The frame is an 11x14 frame with a matte cut to have an 8x11 opening so we can hold the "Hopes & Dreams" document.  Even though the original ones during the earliest years were plain, during the last twenty years or so since I had a color printer, I have been making a bit "fancier" "Hopes & Dreams" sheet using computer imagery and card stock.  Most of the sheet IS blank, so we can write out our "Hopes & Dreams", but I have the card stock decorated with usually three small images I print on the sheet.  I am not sure of the images I will use yet this year, as I have to make that today, but in the center, I always have the words "Hopes & Dreams" for 'year' " in some pleasant color, and then usually one or two very tiny (~2 inch) images that I think bespeak of us as a couple.  I have used intersecting hearts, or an image of holding hands, or a variety of other images I could find over the years.  I will hopefully find some nice new images for these today.  

I am thinking of having some wine tonight as we get to writing out our "Hopes & Dreams" together.  My wife will likely take only a sip, as she really does not like drinking.  We will have some sort of snacks my wife prepares as well.  We will then alternate back and forth, writing with colorful pens, the hopes and dreams we would like to see in 2022.  With all the harsh things that have been happening within our family, I suspect we will both have many of our "hopes" be tinged and colored with worry and concern.  Probably not too many "frivolous" or "carefree" hopes nor dreams will be on the paper tonight, unfortunately.  

* * * * * 

When I look back at my life thus far, I can say that there have been three years that have been enormously harsh.  These three years are seared into my mind related to all the sorrow, suffering and pain that occurred within them.  The first year of this sort was 1994.  That was the year of so many harsh deaths in my family, including the death of my father.  The second year of this sort was 2007, which again had so very many hardships, most punctuated by the death of my mother.  2021 is the third year of this sort.  I am not speaking of the global pandemic.  That has been difficult for everyone worldwide.  But instead I am speaking of my own personal hardships.  Within my family, 2021 has been an unremittingly harsh, horrific, demoralizing and destructive year for my family.  I so hope that 2022 may be a better year.  

* * * * *

In regards to my pipes...  not sure what, if anything to say at the moment.  I want to smoke them, I would like to be indulging as I type away here.  I am always wanting to smoke them.  But, I can say it has been perhaps 6 weeks now since I have have felt a deep yearning to smoke my pipes.  I have to believe that this change may be progress of sorts opening up a potential to return to them.  

But, as I have said before, I am not sure if I should grant myself that wish of returning to them.  Nor am I sure if I would return to the practice in a way that I envision being "appropriate" in terms of lack of worry, in terms of consistency, in terms of doing "what I say I will do".... or would I end up simply "throwing in the towel" and just smoking at will, leading me back to the starting board of worry?  In some ways, I feel I am walking on a rail of the tracks of a train, and as long as I stay focused on the task of moving forward, I will reach the appropriate destination and may find a way back successfully to my pipes, but if I get side-tracked and listen only to my selfish desires to do only what I want, without careful thought, I will slip off the thin rail and will come tumbling to the ground in a heap.

* * * * *

I do hope that all of you have a relaxing New Year's Eve and a beautiful start to 2022.

 

PipeTobacco 

Veterinarian Vegetarian Vitality

 

After writing about the annoying politicization of the CDC yesterday, I was taking my pooch to the veterinarian so that her stitches could be removed (actually, I could have easily done this myself, as I have sutured and removed sutures from a helluva lot of rodents over the years, but I wanted the veterinarian to examine her healing as well).  She did very well, and the veterinarian confirmed that she has healed wonderfully from the procedure.  

While I was driving to the veterinarian, however, a story came on NPR where several folks were interviewed about the idiotic CDC change in halving the quarantine period.   As could be expected, logic-minded folks (the doctor and nurse interviewed) were disappointed and suggested this was an unwise and scientifically unsupported change. Whereas (of course) the business folks and another person (a coffee barista, if I recall correctly) were saying this was "great news" and was "sure to help the economy" and all the "stranded" folks (referencing the airline staff that caught Covid and their quarantine caused a bottleneck in some rich folks plans).  The business folks and barista were just spewing the standard balderdash, per usual.  

I sincerely do not think the damn pandemic will ever get under control because of the sheer lack of focus or understanding of science.  Biden's politicized CDC is just as useless as was Trump's.

* * * * *

Last night on the menu, was eating "left overs" of a sort.  When we make crock-pot dishes, it is typically that we do not eat the entire amount in one sitting.  With whatever is left over, I will typically package up generous, single-serving size portions of these leftovers and then freeze them.  I relish being able to simply pull out one of these dishes at will for a quicker dinner (we still need to make salad, vegetables, etc. of course).  My pick was a dish I have affectionately termed "Feta Lentil Yum!".    It is a hearty, stew-like concoction, made from whole lentils (we use 1/2 whole lentils and 1/2 mung beans), various vegetables, a delightful mix of Indian and Ethiopian-typical spices, and as the name suggests, some Feta cheese.  It is beautifully hearty, warm, inviting, and filling. And, it is wonderful with the "yellow rice and wheat-berry" concoction I make.   My wife unfortunately wasn't in the mood (she sometimes goes with her "cravings" and will eat junk-food instead.... causing her glucose to spiral upward).  Even though it is frustrating and I do not know what to do about it, she had her glucose spiral above 400 by 9:30. She then basically falls asleep.

* * * * * 

When my wife does this, which is far, far too often, I am at a loss on what to do.  She KNOWS what to do in terms of eating.  She KNOWS she has been doing this far too long, and the repercussions are unfortunately readily apparent in her older sister.  She also knows that when she goes into the glucose stratosphere it basically ends our evening together as she cannot stay awake.  We have argued about this many times over the years.  She has devised an uncountable number of plans to do what she needs to regain an ability to regulate glucose.  She has Type 2 Diabetes.  If she were to work on the following, she could still reverse damn near everything:

1.  Make a change in her BMI.

2.  Portion control.

3.  Regular, consistent, aerobic exercise.

4.  Consistent, large quantity fluid (water) intake.

5.  Working on emotions.

The above five items if followed consistently for a year, would completely rejuvinate her body cell's insulin sensitivity.... or AT LEAST make very significant headway into this process.  She would feel considerably more vitality if she were to try for this consistency for even just a few months.  

Over the many years my wife has been trying to get control over her health, she has started a "plan" hundreds of times.  But, I do not believe she has ever stayed consistent with the above 5 items that are needed... for more than two weeks before going off the rails and basically saying (by actions) "to hell with it".  Nine times out of ten her throwing in the towel involves some sort of frustration or challenge she had with one of her siblings or perhaps with someone at work.  Usually when she goes off the rails, she will then splurge on something the exact polar opposite of what will be helpful to eat..... usually something very fatty and greasy.

This was not where I had been planning to go with my writing today, but it is where my fingers took me as I tried to spit out my thoughts this early part of the morning.  

* * * * *

Still having no luck with recalling dreams.  I wish I could understand how to turn my memory back on about them.  I have been spending a bit of time perusing some pipe maker's online offerings.  So many beautiful pipes.  Not that I need ANY additional pipes, as I have an abundance of them.  I have been carrying around a different pipe with me every day thus far during break.  It feels so comfortable to do so.  

* * * * *

When I was looking for a letter "V" to top this post, I was surprised to learn that apparently there is some young K-Pop star who goes by "V" because when I looked for images of this letter, the first hundred or so rows of images were of this pop fellow.  

PipeTobacco

Political CDC (sigh)

 

I had grown irate enough when the CDC was giving slip-shod guidance during much of the Trump era.  I had felt then, that a truly important institution of public health policy was being forced to act out a variety of political edicts in some of its so-called "guidance" during that time.  

But, I have to admit, I am EVEN MORE disappointed in the CDC and its current blundering and political shenanigans... now under a DEMOCRAT administration.  I had hoped and believed that when Biden took over the Oval Office, that the CDC would again revert back to an institution whose efforts stemmed from the best knowledge that science had to offer. 

Unfortunately.... this is not the case.  Under the Biden administration, the CDC is now suggesting a quarantine of 5 days is "sufficient" for "most" who become positive for Covid-19.  This is utter b*llsh*t.  Oh, yeah... the CDC then talks about how it is "very important" and "suggested" for the Covid-19 positive person, to after 5 days.... to wear a mask for the next five days.  

There IS NO scientific evidence to support a halving of the quarantine period from 10 days.  This change is, IMO, a purely political move because there are worker shortages and because Biden's approval numbers are dwindling.

With the rampant spread of the Omicron variant.... and still widespread prevalence of the Delta variant.... this is not the time.... nor is there any scientific evidence that suggests halving the quarantine period is a good choice for us.  

And.... the only other message from the CDC is to get vaccinated.  That is pretty damn obvious.  I believe in the US we are at a point where everyone who is of age and has wanted to be vaccinated, has done so.  The CDC then talks about how with Omicron there will be plenty of breakout infections in the vaccinated..... but the CDC gives absolutely NO GUIDANCE for those of us who are vaccinated (and boosted) about how to try to minimize the risk of this new variant.  Oh, wait.... hmm.... well, I am vaccinated and boosted.... but unfortunately still potentially at risk for having a breakout infection due to exposure to Omicron...... so it makes PERFECT SENSE (sarcasm) to decrease quarantine times by 50%.  Such political b*llsh*t.

I am typically very Democratic/Liberal in my political views and in whom I support.  These blatant political maneuverings by folks I had THOUGHT would act in the public's best interest..... let's just say, I am beyond disappointed.  

PipeTobacco

Drifting Snow

My mind feels akin to the drifting snow outside.... no focus, no destination, no real thoughts or purpose.  My mind feels rather sketchy and scattered.

But, still I continue.  I have...

• Ran 11.1 miles this morning.
• Finalized two of four syllabi for next semester.
• Worked through e-mail.

I had my breakfast all set out on my desk in my office.  The usual fare.... high fiber cereal, a hard boiled egg, a bowl of fruit, a banana, yogurt, one toast, and three healthy cookies (the "cookies" I like made just from oatmeal, banana and flavoring).  Well, I had my back turned away from my desk just for a minute, and my dog snuck over and ate my toast and one of my healthy cookies.  She has been feeling very well since her surgery. Tomorrow she goes back to have her stitches removed.  

I have been letting my mind wander freely in regards to pipes and pipe smoking.  No dreams still at night, but I have been living in daydream memories of past experiences and past visits to pipe shops.  I have been opening briefly multiple different pouches of pipe tobacco leaf, and just enjoying their aroma.  I miss them.

PipeTobacco

Thought I Was Done

I spent about two hours yesterday afternoon, meticulously wrapping the gifts I have purchased for my wife.   I thought I was therefore, DONE with wrapping.  But, unfortunately, now I must wrap around 1/2 of the gifts my wife has acquired for family and friends.  I keep hoping to sneak out of this task, but.... it never happens.  

Since the time of us first beginning to date, long, long ago, my wife has known me to be a quite fastidious and meticulous wrapper of gifts.  I am.... I guess.... but the full picture is  a bit different from the presumed ideas my wife holds:

I AM extremely meticulous in wrapping gifts.  I work very diligently to have each creased edge sharp and defined.  The paper has to fit tightly around the gift, and the seams of the edges of the paper need to be parallel and matching.  I work to have the folded ends of the wrapping paper look extremely precise and fully symmetrical top, bottom, and side.  I always use tape that is as "invisible" as possible on the wrapping paper.  I also use abundant ribbon, often multiple strands in each direction on the present.  The cut ends of the ribbon need to have an even splicing where they meet underneath each gift.  

I have to admit, my wrapped presents do look rather professional.  

But.... I hate wrapping gifts.  

Back when this "need" to wrap meticulously developed in me, I was a poor undergraduate student whose only "earnings" were from a 10 hour a week, part time job I was able to be hired for in a lab at my undergraduate university.  This, of course, meant I did not have a helluva lot of money.  Scholarships kept the financial hounds at bay regarding college, but still, that was not a lot of money.  

So, my meager earnings meant my gifts that I could get for my family and friends were not particularly extravagant.  They WERE heartfelt!  But, they were NOT extravagant by any means.  So, I began to try to help my meager offerings.... by "prettying up the pig" so-to-speak.  I would find the most unique, budget friendly paper I could find, and buy ribbon of whatever clearance colors I could find (and even save bows from presents I received for recycling) and then CAREFULLY, oh so carefully wrap each gift as perfectly and as ornately as I could muster so as to have it at least look "good" when they received it prior to opening.   Family and friends began to notice and comment on the looks of the presents wrapped and this helped me feel a sense of relief because I think it was a way to at least SHOW them I care, even though the gift was modest.  

I have kept up the meticulous wrapping ever since, even though now it is mostly just for my wife and the presents I buy her... as I can usually sidestep other wrapping needs, because my wife will handle it.  Except.... at Christmas, where she requires me to wrap my fair share.  

My wife's wrapping style is..... how to put this..... more.... "homespun".  There is almost never a creased edge, there are loose parts of wrapping paper, rather wonky angles.... etc.  And I think her wrapping is beautiful.  Our disparate wrapping styles had us need to devise a plan when our kids were younger.  I ended up wrapping all the gifts that were from Santa for the kids, and even wrote out the gift tags (usually with red or green ink) with a rather ornate script using my left hand (I am right handed) to keep the kids from recognizing my penmanship.  My wife wrapped all the gifts for the kids that were from US, and they had the "homespun" look. We both wrote out those tags in our normal script, using a normal blue or black pen. 

*    *     *     *     *

Santa smoked a pipe.  So, maybe that is reason enough for me to reignite my hobby!  Obviously, the prior statement is meant a bit "tongue-in-cheek".  But, sadly so.

The Norman Rockwell painting of Santa I have topped this post with is indeed my own personal favorite of the many Santa images Rockwell painted.  To me, this always best represented Santa.  It is interesting that since I allowed my beard and mustache to grow unfettered instead of neatly trimmed..... my own beard and mustache has a similar robust quality to it as is seen in this version of Santa. If I had known it would grow that well, I would have stopped shaping and trimming it long ago.  Unfortunately, though, I still have too many aspects of my own facial fur that are gunmetal grey  yet to be a respectable Santa... but if these remaining patches do whiten up like the rest... I think I could be a potential future Santa. 

I am still contemplating a return to my pipes.  I have been on a few different occasions today, opening up different pouches of some of my more aromatic blends and just enjoying their gentle notes within the pouch.  Sniffing the pouches has helped me to better recall some of the feelings and flavors of the various blends.  Still no nigh time dream memories as of yet, even though I do wish they would return.  

PipeTobacco   

Nonplussed

 

A few days ago, I was wanting to use the word "nonplussed" in a sentence I was writing, but then I remembered how this beautiful word actually has TWO different definitions and.... the two different definitions actually mean exact opposite of each other:  

nonplussed - a)  (of a person) surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react. but also b) (of a person) not disconcerted; unperturbed.

So, in order to use the word effectively, you have to be sure to couch its use with adequate context clues so that the reader would be steered in the correct direction for proper meaning.  

But, in the greater scheme of things, this beautiful but strange word started me thinking more about how odd it is that a word can have two opposite meanings, and I started looking around a bit to see first if there was a name for this, and then also to see if there were any other words of this sort (with two, opposing definitions) since I could not really think of any others off the top of my head.  

I found out that "nonplussed" is what is called a contronym: which is a type of synonym for a word that means the opposite of itself. In other words, the opposite of nonplussed is actually nonplussed.

Then I found a listing of other words that also were contronyms in some fashion.  It is very interesting to me that I knew all of these words, and internally I knew the varied definitions, but the worry about the two opposing uses was never a real thought in my head because for these others, it is virtually a certainty that the context clues of the remainder of the sentence would guide the reader to the correct meaning of that usage of the word:

1. Aught: All, or nothing

2. Bolt: To secure, or to flee 

3. Bound: Heading to a destination, or restrained from movement

4. Buckle: To connect, or to break or collapse

5. Clip: To fasten, or detach

6. Fix: To repair, or to castrate   

7. Handicap: An advantage provided to ensure equality, or a disadvantage 

8. Nonplussed:  to make curious or befuddle, OR to not be interested in or aware

 

9. Oversight: Monitoring, or failing to oversee

10. Peer: A person of the nobility, or an equal

11. Refrain: To desist from doing something, or to repeat

 

12. Rock: An immobile mass of stone or figuratively similar phenomenon, or a shaking or unsettling movement or action

 

13. Sanction: To approve, or to boycott

14. Screen: To present, or to conceal

15. Splice: To join, or to separate

16. Strike: To hit, or to miss in an attempt to hit

17. Temper: To soften, or to strengthen

18. Transparent: Invisible, or obvious

19. Trim: To decorate, or to remove excess from

20. Wear: To endure, or to deteriorate

21. Weather: To withstand, or to wear away

So, the above lists quite a few of these contronyms.  Probably there are others as well.  It is actually very interesting to see and to think about.  And, the new to me term, "contronym" is one I want to remember as well.  

PipeTobacco

Fade to Amber

 

Today, I have been working from home, because there is nothing essential that I need to do work-wise that involves being AT the U.  I am revising syllabi, revising due dates for various assignments and tests for the batch of classes I have next semester.  I am tooling around trying to change some dates and images in my electronic LMS (the gizmo-ey electronic classroom environment... technically it stands for "Learning Management System").

I have been also having thoughts in the back of my mind about Omicron.  There are several private universities along the Eastern US who have already decreed that the first three weeks of next semester will need to be virtual.  I suspect many, many more will follow.  I am not sure if my U will also follow suit.... it typically depends on the state-wide yimmer-yammering by the politicos who try to strong arm the schools to do their bidding.  Unfortunately, the current loudest voices are from the various Republican yahoos in our state house and senate.  From a scientific and from a health & wellness perspective, it would be logical to be virtual for at least the first three weeks of the semester.  But, I suspect that may not happen.  

In a related thought about political b*llsh*t that again supersedes science (and logic)..... Joe Manchin... his grandstanding and political maneuvering sicken me.  He is about as trustworthy as the snake in the garden of Eden.  He is so filled with a need to make himself the spotlight, and he doesn't give a royal rat's *ss about national policy nor his own region.  He only cares for himself.  His actions show him to be a true Republican at heart..... but even though I do not ascribe to Republican ideals myself..... I WOULD suggest that Republicans should not embrace him either, for he will turn on them too.... if it makes him more "famous".    There is really NO logical reason to not support Biden's plan of action to rebuild and repair our infrastructure.  It has been neglected since the early 1980s.  The bill *SHOULD* be supported 100% by all Democrats.... and at least any remaining "old school" Republicans that may still exist.... it should have passed easily many months ago.   

I have been contemplating quite a bit about my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  I want to go back to them. I am thinking that since I have not had feelings of "deep yearning" for them for a few weeks, if perhaps I could make a go of enjoying them again, but in a way that is in keeping with how I *think* I may be able to do so with relative safety?  I am wondering if this "old dog" can learn some new tricks, namely:

1.  Smoking my pipes only on an occasional basis, perhaps 2-3 times a week.

2.  Could I learn and adapt to the above sort of indulgence after having had such a beautiful prior experience of simply indulging at will?  

3.  Or, will re-engaging with my beloved pipes and pipe tobaccos simply reawaken the full-bore passions for them in my mind and body so that if I even attempt to learn to be "occasional" I will just be in a perpetual state of unfulfilled desire for them other than those 2 or 3 times a week?  

4.  Or, even more worrisome, if the full-bore passions arise in their strongest form, will I have any real resolve to resist?  Or will I simply dive back into my prior level of indulgence? 

I really do not know how I would respond to that first time back of nurturing the flame into melding with the tobacco leaf, creating the warm, amber glow within the bowl.

PipeTobacco

Worker Bee

 Just work…..

Well…..

Not completely…..

1. Slept in until 6:00am

2. Ran 11.4 miles

3. Cleaned out and washed completely our two refrigerators.

4.  Worked with my rodents

5.  Worked with my flies

6.  Took my vehicle in for a front end alignment and check of the front end components (both should be done tomorrow, fingers crossed)

7.  Went shopping with my wife 

8.  Helped 8 students get there abstracts up to snuff so they could submit tonight.

Now I am home, and am going to shower and eat.  Taco Soup, salad, vegetables, a chickpea side dish.  

PipeTobacco 

Dead Dog Tired

 I have been grading and grading and meeting with students who have a Monday deadline for submitting their research abstracts to an upcoming meeting.  I am exhausted.

I will try to write more this weekend. 

Normally this time of year, I would go and have a few stiff drinks and several pipes with my father-in-law at the end of the day. 

Unfortunately, that was long ago and oh, so far away.  It is a sorely missed ritual of joy.

PipeTobacco 

Pipe Tobacco is Nutrition

Too exhausting of a day that just had me arrive home.  

I cannot explain it all now, but will try tomorrow.

Highlights:

1.  Surprisingly sneaky/underhanded student.

2.  My friend who had the severe stroke is in a mental facility again (just found out when I went to visit and he was not there).

3.  New computer installed.

4.  Lessons on how to organize my “cloud”.

5.  Trials and tribulations relating to what I cannot talk about.

6.  Sister-in-law with severe vascular issues in the legs, and is hospitalized.

All on top of the normal work day which is hectic during final exam week… massive grading, test giving, trying to stay above water in research needs.  

A bowl of pipe tobacco would be pure, simple, beloved nourishment at this time.  I will try to imagine the feelings of said while trying to “meditate” as I shower.

PipeTobacco 

Giraffes & Global Warming

 

The image above (from the BBC)  is the shocking and gruesome image of six giraffes that perished due to severe drought conditions in Kenya.  The giraffes were attempting to acquire water from what was basically a shallow mud pit.  They were already weak from dehydration and poor food availability and became stuck in the mud and died. 

This significant drought in the region of Kenya is only another indication of the increased amplitude of the various harsh weather events befalling our planet due to global warming.  I am fearful the trajectory we are already on is already guaranteeing significantly more horrible weather related tragedies.  But, I also believe that EVEN WITH the most stringent political policies to combat carbon emissions to slow and hopefully stop global warming.... the lag time between change in our actions resulting in a turnaround in climate.... is akin to the time it would take to slow and reverse an aircraft carrier moving at full speed (in other words.... there would be an incredibly damn long lag time).  And, this will likely be further exacerbated because it is unlikely we will, as a planet, successfully enact the most stringent and viable options we have.  

The other rather frustrating aspect related to global warming is how so MUCH emphasis is (at least in the US) about "individual action" and "individual responsibility" in regards to global warming.  While it is helpful for folks to try to be conservative in their usage of energy, it is really only through unified, national and global policy changes incorporating strong science understanding that true change MAY occur.  In some ways, I think the "individual responsibility" arguments are somewhat of a "smokescreen" by governments and likely the fossil fuels industry to obfuscate true awareness of the real changes needed, and to divert attention of folks to demand their governments reform its policies.

Final brief note:  I feel fortunate to have SOME access to BBC news and other programming.  It is such a more global perspective than anything I can access in the US.  It is far more "global" than even NPR, which tends to (in my opinion) be the best US produced newscasts available.  

PipeTobacco 

Actions

 

Very fortunately and happily my dog went through surgery well.  She ended up, however, receiving far more stitches than anticipated.  Initially, the Veterinarian had recognized three spots that she is thinking are sebaceous cysts (harmless, benign).  She had anticipated each one would need a single stitch for closure after removal.  But, then she called during surgical prep and said that she had found two more.  But the thing was the position of the additional two was a bit more complicated, and so in total, for the FIVE spots, my dog ended up with 12 total stitches.  Her teeth cleaning went exceptionally well.  Her teeth are strong, complete, no chips or broken edges, no needed extractions, and now.... no tartar either!  

The Veterinarian has prescribed us to give our dog 1/2 of a pain table, twice a day for five days  So, fortunately there has been no visible/audible signs of discomfort for her either. In fact, she has been trying to be her fully active (sometimes hyperactive) self this morning.  I am trying my best to have her be calmer at least for a day or two more.  

At work, I have no final exam to give today (the only day this week that I do not have a final exam).  This fortunately allows me to work from home today to be near the dog.  So, I am cyborging away, grading, and preparing final versions of abstracts... and MAYBE working on a bit of prep for next semester.  

Pat had asked yesterday if my dog ever reacted in any particular way to my pipes.  No, she never really showed any positive nor negative response.  She has always been a little "frazzle-headed" and her attention typically changes nearly 100 times a minute it seems.  However, long ago, back when I was in graduate school.... I had a cat and he was fascinated when I would blow smoke rings while I was smoking my pipe.  If I produced a smoke ring, he would watch it float around, and would reach up his paw and try to grab at it.... presumably because he thought it was a toy or something to capture.  His grabbing at it would cause the ring to dissipate and he would look quizzically around wondering where it was.  He would do this so reliably, I would show friends his "trick" when they would stop by.   Our current feline never paid any attention to my pipes either, just like our dog.  

PipeTobacco 

Surgery

I am certain my adrenal gland is working overtime and I am having surges of epinephrine and norepinephrine as well as various aldosterones and cortisols at higher than normal amounts.

I awoke this morning at 4:05am and decided to run my December Half Marathon Run.  This is 13.1 miles (and I ran 13.2 miles (21.2 km) just to make sure).  I needed to accomplish this run in order to fulfill my promise/goal of running at least one 1/2 Marathon Run each month in 2021.  In reality, I think this is my 15th 1/2 Marathon Run in 2021.  But, it WAS the needed run for December.

I ran this 1/2 Marathon Run purposefully today, to TRY to reduce my stress hormones.  It apparently did not work awfully damn well as I am on edge, and am nervous and fidgety.  I am administering a final exam to one of my big lecture hall classes, and it is challenging.  Usually I am fine with wearing my mask, and with the microphone I can even lecture easily.  But, today, with the adrenal gland overload, the only thing I want to do is rip the mask off my face, as it feels hard to breath with it on.

I have broken my own rules today, and I have my own cell phone ON.  My normal policy is to ask students to shut off their phones during class and at the beginning of the semester, I demonstrate for them that I do the same thing..... shut the damn phone off.  But, today I have mine on, in case the Veterinarian calls.

My dog is in surgery at the moment.  I KNOW she is a dog, but that does not mean I do not worry.  I feel guilty because I am not sitting there, waiting at the Veterinarian's Office.  Even though that is not what folks normally do with a pet surgery, it also feels wrong to just leave her there and go to work.  And, the current reality is that our Veterinarian does not allow anyone in the waiting room or lobby now due to Covid-19.  Our Veterinarian has been practicing drive-up practice all during the pandemic.  We wait outside the office in our vehicle, a clinician comes to get our pet, and then we wait in our vehicle until the medical service is done.

It is stupid, I know, to feel this worked up.  I know it is pointless and does not do any good.  I try to put on a "good face" and just try to act "normal" and do "normal" work.  But it is quite a significant challenge at the moment.  My concentration and focus is near zero.  

I am, I think, going to end here for today.  I think I am going to try to focus myself into a less agitated state by taking a "mental break" for 20 minutes (no one should have moved because they are taking the comprehensive final exam).  I am going to close my eyes, I am going to try to drink the 64 ounces of iced decaffeinated coffee fairly quickly, and do my damnedest to imagine myself around 30 years ago, without hardly a care in the world, sitting outside on a beautiful Summer day, smoking my pipe with pure abandon and utter relaxation.  I am imagining I am smoking the most belovedly robust and strong pipe tobacco I have had in my pipe and am trying to remember and relive how it can so pleasantly quiet my mind and relax my body. I want to force that feeling back into my mind and body today.  If I  can figure out how to "mediate" those memories back into my mind, I could ameliorate some of the stress of the day.  

Normally I enjoy caffeine, but I knew today I would not want its effects.  I want to try to force my body back into that tranquil mode.  I want to flush out the stress hormones, and feel the harmony and tranquility.  I am hoping I can force myself into that mindset.

PipeTobacco 

Play

 

My wife and I are set to travel about an hour away this evening to watch a play.  We are both looking forward to it greatly.  Even with having to be fully masked the entire time, it will feel wonderful to go.  I do have to admit that I also feel a bit of nervousness though, about being INSIDE the building to watch this play.  I am fully vaccinated, and have had my booster, and I will be wearing a mask.... so I *should* hopefully be ok.  My wife is (of course) similarly vaccinated so she *should* also hopefully be ok.  I worry about my wife's chronic health conditions, however.  They add an additional layer of worry about Covid. 

When we have gone to this venue pre-Covid, they would serve wine and beer from the concessions as well as a variety of treats.  I am not sure if they will have anything this evening, and I am not sure if I would feel comfortable in removing my mask INSIDE to consume anything.  But, a beer or two or a glass of wine or two does sound very pleasant.  Perhaps I could drink a drink or two outside during intermission or some such thing.... if I want to stand out in the frigidness.  

Regardless, it should be a good evening.  

I am curious... if I have a drink or two, I am fairly certain it will help me feel even more inclined to want to smoke a pipe.  Since I do not plan to carry a pipe to the play, there is no "fork-in-the-road" decision making required.  But, if I still have a bit of the "spirits" coursing through my veins, I may still have that increased inclination when we get back home.  Perhaps I should, if I drink at all, limit myself to one drink.  I would likely have metabolized completely through the alcohol of a single drink prior to returning home.   

PipeTobacco

Pajamas & Flannel

 

I have not posted early in this week.  

"Why?" you may ask.

It is not because I did not want to post.  

There was a time each day when I was set to write, but....

• On one day, I ended up getting a phone call from our Veterinarian, and it was about our dog's bloodwork for her upcoming surgery.  Surprisingly, the phone call lasted about 45 minutes.  Fortunately, our dog's bloodwork was good, and she is set for her surgery this coming Monday, December 13th.  

• On another day, we had CHAOS on campus because the Internet (or more precisely the U's network to the Internet) failed.  We occasionally have momentary glitches that may last a few minutes, but this is the first time in at least 2-3 years where the was a breakdown of the whole network that lasted during the entirety of the normal work day.  Campus was in a chaotic turmoil. However, I was fortunate to still be "old school" enough that I have a backup of all my PowerPoint slides on a flash drive, so I was not impacted nearly as much as most other folks...... and I actually ENJOYED being away from e-mail and my LMS for the whole day.  

• On the third day, the time I had set aside for writing here got usurped by a surprise cohort of nearly sobbing Sophomore students who finally saw "the writing on the wall" so-to-speak about the scores they were earning across the semester and what they mean for their upcoming course grade.  It was interesting that it was a rather large group who discovered the errors of their efforts en masse and came to see me in unison.  If it were not for the hesitancy in their voices, and the near sobbing expressions on their faces, it could have felt like a mob of sorts.  I had to spend considerable time attempting to a) console them, b) help them to see how THEY chose to earn the particular grade their current scores are suggesting (by pointing out the various things they did not do), and c) assure them that (most of them) could still POTENTIALLY pass if they studied like hell for their final exam, and that if they do not get the grade they would prefer/need, they should not feel shame or despondency in having to retake the class next semester.  I then gently chide them about not carefully listening to and reading the many ways I guide them on how to succeed throughout the semester.    I usually have one or two students of my hundreds each semester who have this sort of reaction, but this was a rather larger than typical number, and they came to me in a unified group, which was also a surprise.   

So..... those were the proximal causes that kept me from writing when I had planned to.  In a more ultimate perspective, I unfortunately did not have any other times available to write than those originally earmarked in the above but then lost because:

• I have been very robustly active in terms of all manner of teaching as it is near the end of the semester.... I have been making exams, making final exams, grading papers and exams, lecturing in all my courses, building lists of supplies needed for NEXT semester's courses, preparing for makeup exams (mostly due to students having Covid-19) working on my research, talking further with the "newbies", preparing abstracts for conference submissions.

• I have been keeping up with my running as always, even though in many ways this is the most difficult time of the year for me in running.... December and January now (due to Covid) mean I must run on the infernal treadmill, which is more challenging (to not fall) than running on the trail  and is not as refreshing as being outside. But, it IS a whole helluva lot safer for my klutzy self during this time of the year.

• I have also been (since last Saturday) on a 9-day Novena dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe.  The Novena Masses have all been at 6:30pm, so it kind of caps the end of the day, and I am pretty wiped out by the time I put on my pajamas.  Yes, I have a pair exactly like the image in red and black flannel.  I also have a green flannel pair, a blue flannel pair and a gray flannel pair.

• In the last "big voice" lecture I had today, I was describing for students an example of developmental evolution.  Often students erroneously think that embryology and evolution are too divergent of subjects to have much bearing with each other.  I get this misconception especially from the more ecology focused students. So over the course of the semester, I try to have at least one evolutionarily focused example in in each chapter of my embryology class.  Today, in the last chapter, which was focused on ecology and its impact on development, I described how studies examining the diversity of Finches found on the Galapagos Islands showed differences in two especially important genes (and more importantly their protein products) regulating the development of the bird beak.  One gene was critical for regulating the length of the beak in the birds, and the other gene was critical for regulating the "stoutness" of the beak (its upper and lower boundary).  I showed using cladisitic models how the common ancestral finch to all the various species on the Galapagos had a beak of intermediate length and intermediate stoutness.  I then showed how the ancestral species evolved into the different morphologically differernt species based upon the theory of the "evolutionary stable strategy" for the bird lead to the population evolving a beak shape most well suited for the primary food sources of the island they inhabited.  In other words, over time, the finch species evolved a much more stout and short beak on the islands that had as the predominant food being hard, rigid seeds.  On the islands where the predominate food source consisted of softer plant matter or insects, the evolution of beak development was to become more shallow and elongated.  I tied the concepts back to Sewall Wright's "Shifting Balance Theory" to especially "wow" the ecologically minded folks in class too.  It went well.  

* * * * *

Other randomized things rumbling through my brain:

• Two songs I have been ESPECIALLY enamored with....  and even though I listen to a lot of different music.... I have been playing and replaying the following two songs quite frequently of late:

Alabama - John Coltrane

In Every Age - Janet Sullivan Whitaker

• I am in a mood again where I am thinking, does it really matter or have any value for me to refrain from my pipes and pipe tobaccos?   It is rather odd in some ways.  I am NOT feeling that nearly "irresistible craving" for them that has been the hallmark of PCS scores when they inched upwards to the 6, 7, or higher ratings.  But, I *do* miss them.  I miss the flavors, I miss the tastes, I miss the gentle quieting the constituents of the tobacco smoke would coax into my neurons.  I miss fussing with my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  I miss the ritual of it all.  And, I was thinking about this just this morning when I got up to run.... I missed carrying around a pipe in my pajama pocket.  It may sound like I am simply parsing a bit.... but this is really a different feeling than an irresistible craving."   
  

• I am also set in the U Queue to have to get a new office computer during this year's rotation at the U.  But....  I have been stalling the IT folks from bringing the new beast because it is always disorienting and nerve wracking when a) the old computer is hauled away (Did I get all my important and valuable crap off of it? Or will I suddenly remember an essential document I had somewhere but missed on the hard drive, and the moment I call, the IT people will tell me they wiped the hard drive?) and b) on the new computer, everything is in a new, different spot and it takes a day or two or three to position things back in the order I find logical and convenient (Did they install all the programs I really need? Or.... like usual, did they forget or simply not install some of the more esoteric programs that I use DAILY? Did they install the archane grading program I asked them to be sure to install, because I have to turn in grades soon?!?!)  [Note: The U has a stupid policy that faculty, staff, and students cannot install programs on any computer on any campus computer anymore.  Only IT personnel can install programs. The edict was enacted in theory to reduce phishing, malware, and improve cybersecurity.  IT has locked computer settings on all machines so that if you (a non-IT person) try to install a program, it will not allow you to do so.]
  

PipeTobacco

Keystrokes

 

Today seems to be a day focused only on my finger tips tapping against the keys of my keyboard.  I am going through a lot of grading, imputing of grades, and writing out electronically a number of lists for our Department's Lab Tech so materials can be ordered and delivered at appropriate times for the laboratory classes I am teaching next semester.  

Yesterday, I had a big "research meeting" for a handful of new prospective research students.  They each have expressed interest in my research, but it has been a bit of a slow go getting back up to snuff with things for a novice researcher to do because of the restrictions that had occurred due to the pandemic.  With some of those restrictions being lifted due to vaccination, I am now happy to give this cadre of folks a chance to test their mettle.  I began yesterday with a discussion of basic rodent handling procedures.... describing and illustrating proper techniques for picking up and handling rats and the slightly different procedures for picking up and handling mice.  I also demonstrated proper technique for administering  subcutaneous injection and also an inter-muscular injection in both rats and in mice. As is typical for me as well, since I seem to elicit a feeling of calmness in my rodents, I let those so inclined, to climb out of my hand and up my labcoat sleeve up to my shoulder.  Several of the rodents like to perch on  my shoulder as I walk around in the colony room tending to various tasks.  The students find this somewhat amusing and entertaining.  

None of the "prospects" is capable of attempting any sort of injection yet (and likely not for a considerable length of time), but I wanted to show them the basic techniques.  And, I wanted to demonstrate how, with care and calmness, the rodents are wonderfully docile, friendly, and a joy to work with.  After the demonstration, I then very purposefully tightly closed each and all doors in the colony room for the next step.   I gave the "prospects" the opportunity to pet, handle, and pick up the rodents.  

As usual, these prospective research kids run the gambit.  All are smart, of course, but their ability to work with animals is all over the map.  Even though I carefully talk them through the process a few different times before letting them near an open cage.... inevitably, at least one (and often several) students are hesitant and "squeamish" in their initial attempts to pet, pickup, and otherwise handle the rodents.  Also, as is very often the case, there were several "escapees"..... critters who were not interested in interacting with the "newbies" and their fumbling, chaotic actions.    However, with EVERY damn door shut and sealed tightly, it was not too arduous for me to collect and return the escapees to their proper homes.  

* * * * *

Although this is not the usual time of year for me to have these introduction of newbies to the rodents.... it did bring back to my mind, a fairly regular tradition I had for a lot of years.  

I had very frequently scheduled the "Prospects" meeting I would have with newbies, three specific, different times in the year..... once in the early Fall, once in the early Winter, and once in the early Summer.  And, for many, many of those years, my friend and colleague (the one who passed away this Summer) would head to the local watering hole after the meeting was finished, and we would have a beer or two and we would talk and I would regale various stories of how my new "prospects" fared.  Even though my friend was in a very different discipline of biology, and we had no overlap of research interests, we both had a very fond appreciation for working with students and both had a lot of fun talking about the various trials and travails we each encountered in working with them.  

Back when I was actively indulging in my beautiful pipes and pipe tobaccos, I would typically step out of the bar to smoke my pipe after my first or second drink. Usually at that time, my friend would put in an order for some sort of bar food he especially enjoyed.  Often it was something like batter dipped and fried jalapenos or batter dipped and fried mozzarella sticks.  Since most bar food is not something I am fond of, I tended to refrain from eating anything.  

The above had been a consistent pattern for a lot of years.  It deeply saddens me that my friend is gone.  I miss him, and I miss his friendship.  Things feel so different now in many ways.

Back to grading, I suppose.

PipeTobacco   

Bifurcation of Thoughts

 

There is a concept in Mathematics called "Bifurcation Theory".  I am not a mathematician by any stretch of the imagination, but aspects of this mathematical theory have permeated into my own discipline a bit, and I do talk about a specialized aspect of bifurcation theory in reference to my course on ethology.  

Biological Bifurcation Theory relates to attempts to understand the behavior of organisms that are responding in a fluid (dynamic) fashion.  The theory purports to help establish and understand how small changes in sensory input by an organism observing behavior of others can result in qualitative (and potentially quantitative) change in the behavior of the observer.   

* * * * * 

The word "bifurcation" was in my mind today, not only because of my interest in Biological Bifurcation Theory.... but primarily because when I decided to write here today, I was of two different minds about what I wanted to try to discuss. And as I have decided to spend a few minutes here writing, I can now say that in reality I NOW have a trifurcation of thoughts I wish to write about.  So, even though they are more disjointed than even my USUAL sling requiring disjointed thoughts, here are the three things I plan to focus on:

1.  The Oxford High School shootings.

2.  My "bulleted list" sort of stream of consciousness thoughts.  

3.  My big lecture foci from today.

* * * * * 

1.  Oxford..... these horrific shootings hit so close to home for me.  We ALL know and realize how horrific the kid's actions were.  We ALL know the need for stringent gun control measures and safety.  We all know how these tragedies reflect our significant short comings in providing mental health services.  The patterns these shootings seem to follow are along two tracks as well.  Usually the perpetrator is either a) a long time troublemaker who has shown consistent and accelerating levels of aggression over a period of months if not years, or b)  a quiet kid who has been persistently forced to be an "outsider" and very frequently has been bullied.  I am not sure about anything regarding this perpetrator, but I suspect he will fit into either (a) or (b) in the above.  

* * * * *

2.   Abbreviated Bulleted List

• Only ran seven miles this morning, as I awoke rather late (well.... I should really say I hit the snooze alarm so many times, that my feet did not hit the FLOOR until it was rather late.... my alarm DID start ringing at its usual time of 4:30am).   I have to try to hit the pavement again when I get out of the U tonight.  Luckily we had a bit of a heat wave where it was in the low 40s and the snow melted, so I can potentially run outside.  
  

• I tried my damnedest to force myself into a nice dream last night with hopes of remembering it this morning.  After reading the next chapter in my book about Solanus, I closed my eyes and was trying to vividly imagine being retired where my wife and I were in our two bedroom (one for us to sleep in and one for us to have as an office/hobby room) condominium somewhere in Florida.  I even was imagining that I was wearing a pleasantly garish tropical shirt and shorts as I closed down my computer for I had finished the little bit of work I was doing as a side gig teaching one ONLINE course in A&P, and was heading off to bicycle down to my other side gig, where I worked at a tobacco shop for about 10 hours a week.   My bicycle had a cup carrier on the handlebars so I could conveniently hold my tall glass of iced coffee while I pedaled towards the pipe shop.  It was at this point in my daydream that I must have fallen asleep.... and frustratingly, not a damn bit of any dream was remembered... again.
  

• A wonderful older lady at our Parish made a wonderful treat to share at the Parish Council Meeting last night.  She told me it was a classic Mexican candy that she had eaten since she was a little girl.  She simply called it "Pumpkin Candy", but that moniker really does not help to describe it.  It was literally large chunks (around 3 inches across) of pumpkin rind that had been slow simmered and candied in a processes she said took most of the day.  When finished simmering, the chunks of rind were chilled before eating.  They were absolutely delicious! And the texture was quite surprising as well.  The rind was firm, and almost "crisp" on the outside, but soft and moist on the inside.  Some folks at the meeting did not seem to like the pumpkin candy..... so she had about a 1/2 dozen pieces left.  She VERY kindly and generously gave them to me, because she saw how much I had enjoyed the one I had eaten.
  

* * * * * 

 3.  My two lectures for today had a bit of overlap.   They both were focused on the hormonal control mechanisms, but in one class I focused on  these  mechanisms related to a) metamorphic changes in morphology of insects, and in the other class I focused on how these mechanisms b) make the hypothalamic-pitutiary-adrenal axis in the human body the primary chemotaxic regulator of homeostasis.  Happily, I feel both lectures were clear and precise, and I felt I even had a bit of panache in my delivery as well.  

PipeTobacco

    

Quite Exhausted

I think it is due to a mix of things.... the onset of very cold weather, snow and ice, emotional challenges with  my MIL and VERY emotional challenges also with the person I cannot speak about, the approaching end of the semester,  looming deadlines for work, and looming deadlines for tasks I am in charge of with regards to my Parish, trying to help my wife as she feels the emotional traumas as well, worry about my dog's upcoming surgery and anesthesia...... but I feel awfully damn tired most of the time these days.

None-the-less, I try to the best of my ability to continue to persevere.  Here are some items of what I am doing:

1.  Running.  With the ice/snow, I am now on the damnable treadmill every day (instead of outside).  Even though treadmill running is not my favorite, I am very fortunate to actually have that option now.  I do miss my more pleasant form of indoor running (the indoor track at the U or the indoor track at the local fitness center).... but that is becoming a distant memory since I had to stop when the Covid-19 pandemic began in March 2020.  With the surges in cases in my region and also the new variant, Omicron, I do not see being able to safely run at the indoor tracks anytime soon.  I never owned a treadmill UNTIL the late Fall of 2020 (specifically bought used at a rummage sale.... to use during the pandemic)

2.  With limited time to actually sit down and practice playing any of my instruments...  I am instead currently working through a large set of flash cards of music terminology, music theory, chord progressions, etc. I work through the flash cards at various times of the day to trying to at least improve on my music "theory" skills,  and I can fit working through these flash cards anytime I have a few moments (like between classes or while waiting in my vehicle for something or other).

3.  My wife and I have decided to have a quite minimalist approach to Christmas decorating this year.  With the emotional toil we are both experiencing, neither of us is feeling like pulling out all the family mementos of joyous Christmases of the past, because both of us are thinking it will only exacerbate feelings of melancholy for both of us.

4.  I still am NOT remembering any of my dreams while I sleep.  This unfortunate situation has been happening for several weeks now.  This week, I have started to try to drift off to sleep while purposefully imagining a topic I would love to dream about..... perhaps visiting my Mom and Dad when I was younger, remembering family trips, indulging in pipe smoking forays and adventures, etc. However, no matter the topic, I still seem to be in a state where my dreams remain unremembered in the morning.  I wish the dream memories would return.  

4b.  Dreams while sleeping are so much more VIBRANT to me than simple daydreams.  For instance, when I had been fortunate to have sleeping dreams of my adventures with pipes and pipe tobaccos, I would often awaken with the very pleasant FEELINGS of what it was actually like to have been indulging in my pipes and pipe tobaccos. At awakening, I could ALMOST tangibly sense the flavors of the pipe tobaccos on my breath, Feel the whole body physiological sense of relaxation, etc.  In a similar vein, nighttime dreams of visits with my Mom and Dad always FEEL more like true interactions.  I can not really attain those sort of "real" feelings with any type of daydream I have thus far attempted.  I do very much miss my night time dreams.

5.  My wife and I are making a Lentil dish for dinner today (a delightful crock pot recipe again..... with a mixture of whole lentils and whole mung beans),  and I will serve the lentil dish with it a rice & wild rice side dish that I am concocting in my head.  I am imagining making a side that will be rather tumeric and paprika forward in its flavors, and I am also thinking of having some soft, plump raisins in the rice as well. 

PipeTobacco