Calling It “Quits”

 I HAVE to turn off my computer now. 

It is Thanksgiving, and I am going now to help with making some of the remaining items for our dinner.  My wife has been fussing with the turkey and gravy.  I made a pumpkin pie at 4:00am before going to run my 9 miles and then getting on the damn computer by 7:00am.  Now I will make potatoes, green bean casserole, and a couple of odds and ends.  

I am hoping I might NOT get back on to “cyborg” work until tomorrow. 

But, worry about all the incomplete things I need to do may nudge me back into the damn infernal machine later tonight.  

I do not know.  

Happy Thanksgiving.

PipeTobacco 

No Time to Think

 Non-stop being glued to the computer all day.  

Still not done.

The HIGHLIGHT of my day was that I waited until 10 am to run because I needed to record videos starting at 5:30am so the Internet would be sufficient to upload them because our neighborhood is too heavily using Internet during midday and it bogs down badly.  But, because it warmed to a few degrees above freezing, the snow and ice on the path melted enough for me to run outside.  I ran in a very heavy, harsh rain, and there was wind.... but I was damned determined to get it done quickly and returned after 9 miles looking like a drowned rat.  

Back to the computer immediately after a fast, warming shower.  Rewrote a bunch of assignments, started writing an exam that now has to be electronic.  

Giving up to eat for an hour..... and then I will be heading back to the computer.  I have to work into the night to redo Four more assignments and then try to upload things in the quiet of the night.  

PipeTobacco 

Brief

 Not much time at the moment. Quick list:

1.  Thoughts are swirling and moving all around me about the suicide.  I must write about my feelings about it, but have no time yet.  It was utterly horrible and has brought back a lot of emotions about other suicides I have unfortunately experienced in my family & community.

2.  Life has transitioned from a very difficult, but manageable "cyborging" to a period of panic as a) the suicide obliterated so many patterns and plans, b) Covid-19 has so exponentially accelerated and has left us in the midst of an enormous "hot zone" which has upended all day-to-day life and expectations and created sheer havoc with all of my classes, the expectations in the classes, and the delivery I had been building in all the classes.  I am starting again from scratch, trying to remake everything for the remainder of the semester AGAIN.  

3.  E-mail from students is so fast and furious, and so blindingly unable to be dealt with.

4.  We have had 3 inches of snow in the last 2 hours, so  I will not be able to run outside tomorrow and must fuss with the damn treadmill to make sure  can  get the damn thing working  for tomorrow.

****************************************

And, yet, I have to take one moment to acknowledge  my father's birthday.  Today he would be 97 years old today. I could not and cannot do ANYTHING that  I normally would do to acknowledge his life and my love for him, other than these brief damn sentences. 

****************************************

It is a sad state of affairs at the moment.  Damn hard, and damn sad.

PipeTobacco

O

 A friend/colleague of mine committed suicide today.  It is very hard.  I may not write for a few days. 

PipeTobacco 

Just Tired

 Ran my 9 miles at 4:45am, then showered headed straight to work.

Taught 3 hours of in-person class.

3 hours of online video meetings with stressed out students (stresses about grades).

4 hours of cyborging and answering e-mails.

Stopped at the big box hardware store to return some material I ended up not using in my “fancy piece” project.

Still resisted lighting my filled pipe that I have been carrying.  It was quite a difficult decision, several different times during the day.  It is a really deep immersion I am in with regard to the yearning desire.  I hope it passes back to an easier “normal” soon.  It has been a really intense set of cravings this time and had been going on for three days thus far.  

PipeTobacco 

Complaint Department

 A bulleted list because I just got home:

9 miles ran.  near freezing temps again, and 15-20 mph winds.  It was hard going.

Cyborging non-stop for 5 hours.

Meeting with histrionic instructors I oversee that are upset because so many students are requesting a “quarentine” version of the upcoming exam and the instructors do not like it.  

My oldest daughter is on an emotional roller-coaster about Covid and how it is “destroying” her life..... yes, it is bad, but she is also safe and sound, and the things she is emotional about are things that will not matter to her in 5 years, but she does not realize this, and is not really able to realize it without the experiences.  She needs to be heard, but it is very hard to hear her distress, but I persevere.

Another instructor notifies me he himself is in quarantine and cannot come to campus to teach his damn class... so guess who has to do it 30 minutes later... me.  Three hours of masked lecture off the top of my head and it started at 5pm. I just got out at 8pm.

The hospitals all across my region are filled to capacity and talking about “rationed” care.

I am doing my damndest to stay safe and to keep my family safe  It is hard at the moment.

I carried a filled pipe with me most of the day.  I so wanted to smoke my pipe.  I did not.

PipeTobacco 

Cycles

 

I am again in the midst of a mental/emotional cycle where I am deeply yearning to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  The desire, the focus, the intensity of the call of my pipe tobaccos is just the same today as it was during the first weeks after I began to refrain.  

I have not been able to discern any sort of pattern or cycle as to when these deeply intense cravings may appear.  If I did notice a pattern, it would be helpful for me, to be better prepared.  But, currently, all I can say is that there are times where my cravings become exceedingly intense.... but there is no recognizable reason, trigger, cycle, or pattern that helps in predicting WHEN these will occur.  

As I have mentioned before, there are a large number of days where I have a relatively consistent, moderate-level interest, desire to smoke my pipes.  It seems that perhaps about 80% of my days are like this.... a moderate, and recognizable, but manageable interest in pipes, smoking pipes, etc.... but that relatively moderate intensity level is manageable, and has in many ways become my "normal".  

And, interestingly enough, there are perhaps ~10-15% of days where I *almost* have no particular thoughts about pipes, pipe tobaccos, and my pipe smoking.  I may hardly think about my pipes on these days other than for a moment or two when I first awaken and prepare to run, and when I mentally turn on my memory/imagination as I lay down to sleep where I recall the various trips to pipe shops, the various happy and memorable experiences I have had with my pipes and pipe smoking..... to create a calming, peaceful mindset so I readily drift off to sleep for the evening.  

But... 5-10% of days..... those days, where I so crave, so want, so deeply feel "need" for my friendly pipes and pipe tobaccos.... those are ROUGH AS HELL to work through.  It takes me significant energy and resolve on those days.  These types of days are exhausting, because it is akin to the classic devil/angel analogy.... on my one shoulder, I hear my "devilish" side of my "id" suggest.... "Oh, yeah, what the heck are you waiting for.... grab one of your pipes, light it and enjoy the pure hedonism of its beautiful pipe tobacco leaf!  It would be so very wonderful!!!  Pure bliss and joy!!!"    Yet, the "angelic" side of my "id" also speaks into my ear, and tells me, "No, you should refrain.  Perhaps.... maybe....  some day there WILL be a reason, a WAY,  a correct path for you to indulge again.  But you need to FIND that existing path where it can be possible and correct to do so.  It is not appropriate for you to simply blaze your own path, your own trail. It is not right to just do what you want without care.  It is not good to follow only selfish desire... it is not how you are meant to behave or live.  You must wait."  

Today is a helluva tough day in this regard. 

PipeTobacco 

Tired

 9 miles ran, starting at 5am.

6 hours of cyborging.

1 snotty student.

2 hours to get the fancy widow piece up, caulked to the brick like it was before, caulked the screw heads I used putting it up too, sanded the face lightly to smooth out the screw holes, put a final coat of paint on it.  This all was after about 4 hours of work on it yesterday making sure I would have a solid area above the window to attach the beast to, and having patiently cut away all the remnants of the prior caulking on the house  from the old fancy piece.

Cleaned up my mess in the garage.

Took my wife to pick up her vehicle  after it was repaired (the alternator went out). 

Unloaded all her “stuff” back into her vehicle that was rammed into my vehicle and filled my vehicle to the brim when I went to pick her up Friday after her car went belly-up and had to be towed from the grocery store parking lot to the repair shop.  

Took the trash to the curb as tomorrow is “garbage day”.

Scrubbed the front porch after spilling a little bit of gas stabilizer on it.

Ran gas (and stabilizer) through the lawn mower until it was empty so I could put it away for winter.

Ran a bit of gas (and stabilizer) through the snow blower and also through the generator to make sure they WOULD start when needed (snowblower) and if needed (generator) for this upcoming winter.  Fortunately, it appears that I did put both of the damn infernal machines away well this past spring as both started and ran with minimal hassle.  

Now I am going to shower and eat.  Perhaps I will get to relax a bit afterwards before bed.  

Oh, and about 10 different times today, I had situations where I was working on something and was reminded how a friendly pipe would have been traditionally accompanying me on each journey.  I must be entering a fresh “yearning” phase for my pipes and pipe tobaccos again.  

PipeTobacco 

Yesterday

 Yesterday, I sat down and read, truthfully READ 272 papers recently submitted by my students.  Reading and writing and commenting and grading papers electronically is not an easy feat for me.  

I am much more comfortable with the “red pen” approach to grading real PAPER papers.  

But to facilitate my efforts, I wrote out 20 or so common phrases, comments, guidance statements, etc. that I commonly find are needed in my student’s work. Some include:

“You have subject-verb disagreement.”

“You did not CLEARLY state your idea.”

“You are not having success at adequately using commas.”

“Very strong and clear writing style!”

“It is unclear to me what you are trying to say here.”

“Your citation method is not appropriate APA style, nor is it the acceptable “modified APA style” that I have described as an alternative method in class.”

“Good, well thought out points!!!”

“Excellent in all regards!!”

“Sadly, your essay is utter balderdash!”

(The bottom two are only occasionally used.)

With the above (and a few others I did not list), I would cut and paste these comments at various locations as needed through the paper.  Then, I would write a personal sentence or two at the end and give a score.  

By the end of the long day, I was cyborged out.  I did really want to have a beer or two and a pipe or two after this task was done. For so many years, my routine on the first “big paper day” of the semester would be to travel across the county to share a few pipes and a few beers with my father-in-law.  Sadly, this custom, this pleasant routine way to cap off the day is no more.  

PipeTobacco 

Rough Day Bullet List

 Tough day today:

Ran 9 miles.

Rough work.

Grumpy students.

My youngest son revealed to my wife a REALLY significant set of utterly stupid academic mistakes he made this week because he does not think or plan ahead or see the bigger picture.

Another case of Covid in a person in my building.  Other than class, I am staying clear of people period.

Two coats of paint on the giant window trim thing I made.

A lot of fussing and fretting about how to get itup there properly so it stays put.  Planning on doing the installation tomorrow.  

Other common annoyances.... and no pipe to quell the frustrations. 

PipeTobacco 

Some Outside Work

 

 

I ran my 9 miles at 5am to get them done.  It was really nice.... about 45 degrees... much warmer than in a while at 5am.  

Today was a day where everything I did at work was online.... so I was able to stay home from the Covid-cauldron of the U environment.  Besides teaching my online classes that were “live” and cyborging all sorts of other materials for my students, I was able to do an important outdoor project that has been making me nervous:

All of the windows on the outside of my home have “fancy” (read complex), moldings and casing surrounding them.  The “fancy” (read complex) part is above the window and consists of a shelf-like structure with ornate crown molding under it all attached to a heavy board with additional “fancy” (read complex) elements.  It is not exactly like the image, but is similar.  

With the age of the house, all of these “fancy” (read complex) ornamental features were initially custom made by whomever built the house way back when.  Unfortunately, one window was showing wear and the casement was pulling away from the house.  Yesterday afternoon I went up in a ladder planning to push the casement back into position and had thought I could simple screw it back into place.  Unfortunately, the wood architecture was (do to weathering and age) dry rotted and as I tried to position it back in place.... the entire thing started to disintegrate.  And it left a gaping hole about 4 ft by 2 feet where this winter considerable water and moisture would accumulate and would likely wreck havoc with actual important structural elements of the window and wall of the home.  So I had to do something.   

So, against my better judgement, I pieced the old stuff back together as best as I could and took it with me and went to the lumber yard.  Unfortunately, as it was made “custom” none of the standard sizes of lumber were the right thickness, and there was no crown molding quite if the original style.... but I substituted as best as I could and proceeded home.... fussing and muttering and worrying all the way.  

Any moment I could be away from cyborging was spent trying to cut, fuss, finesse and build as best of a replica as I could.  I have now also caulked all the seams of the beast I created and will paint it.  It *should* fit, and it looks pretty similar.  I hope I can get it up and in place and adequately sealed in the next day or two as we are having a warm spell with highs in the low 60s the next two days.  Cutting crown molding is so damn frustrating and difficult but I did get reasonably good outer corners on the beast as well.  I was actually surprised.  The angles are complex and my modest tools do not help matters.  And, my general all around frumpy, uncoordinated self is no Bob Villa.  

But, if I can get it up and positioned, it should look a reasonable facsimile.... and protect the real important stuff of the windows and walls.  

It felt really odd to not have a pipe while I worked.... I always have traditionally had several to help me cope with the fussing and finessing type of work I have attempted like this in the past.  

PipeTobacco 

Meet Meat

 

This morning, I had to get to the U very early to get ready for one of the biggest, most labor intensive on my part, and most elaborate and complex of my face-to-face labs of the semester.  I was rushing around so much that I did not have a chance to eat.  So, now the lab is done, I am taking a brief, 15 minute reprieve to eat and write here before I get back to cyborging for my online classes.... because I have a helluva lot to do for them as well.  So, this post will be a bit rambling and chaotic, as it is just thoughts and now polish.  And, it is not yet in reply to Pat or Gap... as that will take considerably more thought to get the complex ideas down onto the page.  

First... some food, before I type.  

One young female student came up to me and mentioned that she heard that I was vegan.

I looked at her quizzically, my eyebrows arching in surprise.  

"No, I'm not vegan, nor am I vegetarian." I replied.  "Why did you think that?" 

She recounted a scene she observed where I was with a group of other faculty at a local watering hole having a dinner meeting.  She was working at this establishment, and it was before I knew her or had her in class.  But, she remembered me (due to my "big grey beard" she said... and because of "what I ate").  There were about nine of us at the meeting, and this place is renowned for its burgers in our region.  She recalled taking our orders and eight of the folks at the table ordered a burger, fries, and a pop or beer or some such beverage... except for me... she specifically recalled that *I* had ordered..... *gasp*.... a salad, with dressing on the side, and a tall beer from the tap. She found my order amusing and presumed I was a vegan or some such thing.

I smiled when she said this (she could not technically see my smile as it was behind my mask, but she could see my eyes crinkle up in bemusement).   

I then explained what is basically my "food philosophy".... and I use that term only because I have had people ask me similar questions about what I eat:

• I am NOT vegan or vegetarian, even though probably ~95% of my meals are either vegan or vegetarian
• I am not opposed to hunting, and I am not opposed to eating meat.  In fact, I have dressed many a deer at deer camp over the years.  I am good at it.  I long ago stopped actively trying to get a trophy buck at deer camp and instead I began to go to deer camp.... not to bag a deer myself, but for the camaraderie of deer camp (drinking, smoking, playing cards,etc).  But over the years, I have helped a helluva lot of relatives and friends dress and quarter their deer, because I am fairly adept (as a biology should be) at dissection.  
• I do eat meat, but it almost always is turkey, chicken or fish, because I like it.  I am not really fond of pork, beef, venison.... because I really do not find the flavor all that interesting, and I am not particularly fond of the texture either.  
  
• I do not eat meat often because I do not like to cook meat, myself. 
• Most of the meat I eat is in the form of soups, stews, or crock-pot meals.... other than turkey at Thanksgiving.
  
• I do not like fried foods in general (other than french fries, which I still do avoid) and I do not like fatty meats... so that basically leaves burgers off the menu for me.  
• And truth-be-told.... as a biologist, with extensive experience in comparative vertebrate anatomy... it is difficult.... if not impossible for me to enjoy eating any sort of "bone-on" meat products.... not because I am squeamish, which I am most assuredly not.... but because it feels like "work".  For instance... when I see a chicken drumstick .... I do not see it as FOOD as much as I actually see the various bone groups, the specific cartilages, the specific ligaments, I notice and can identify the various blood vessels, the nerves, and the various muscle groups ... and the names and functions for each begins to rattle around in my mind. More than something enjoyable to eat... it becomes a "lesson plan" that rattles around and around in my mind.  

So, after I explained the above to her, she seemed to understand.  But, it is not the first time someone has "accused" me of being a vegan or vegetarian..... even though there is nothing wrong with that.  It just seems funny to be lumped into that group.   

Ok, my 15 minutes are up.  Back to cyborging for my job.

PipeTobacco

13.2 Miles

 

I have so very much work to do today that I know that unfortunately I am not going to get to write about what I want to in regards to Pat & Gap's suggestions today.  I will try to work on it for tomorrow.  

I did run 13.2 miles (~21km) today.  It is 1/2 of a marathon length, and it is my eleventh such run this year.  It is my November 1/2 Marathon.  

It was damn cold running (27 degrees (-3C), and some wind).  I had on three layers, which slowed me down somewhat (as did the darkness at 5:45am when I started).  But, I had to get it done early so I could get to cyborging as quickly as possible.  

Sno-caps happen to be one of my favorite chocolate candies, I believe because they are made from semi-sweet chocolate.  If you have never had them, they are basically a chocolate chip with "nonpareils".... little "pearl-like" sugar balls on the top surface.  Many, many different chocolate manufacturers (local, regional and national) make these.  And when I can find them, I especially like the ones that are made with disks of chocolate about the size of a nickle the very best.  But, in my region,the chocolate-chip sized "Sno-caps" are the brand name version that is easiest to find with consistency.  

PipeTobacco