Forgotten..... But Now Remembered

 

(PCS = 6)

I have mentioned a few of the different ways I listen to music lately.  This has actually been a good thing for me as it helped jar my memories about some of the other avenues I have used to listen to different forms of music in the past.  It reminded me of a really wonderful Internet station that was devoted to ONLY Wind Ensembles.... I looked for it today, and find it has sadly disappeared.  When I stopped listening to it a few years ago, it was having trouble and was (supposedly temporarily a the time) acquiring the online "space" it needed and was silent for a while.  But, sadly it looks like it is gone for good.  

But, the other location I had listened to quite frequently in the past but now rediscovered is the CBC Music Channel ! Actually, I have previously often listened to both the talk station and the music station.... as I tend to appreciate the nuanced Canadian perspectives in both news and in music selections they choose.  I am happily cyborging away with my work listening to some pleasantly different classical music selections on CBC Music at the moment.  

+ + +

It is again cold and rather rainy here today, but I pushed through this morning and ran 10 miles (~16.1 km).   I was soggy and wet when I finished... and not just from sweat. :)

+ + +

I cannot remember if I mentioned this already or not... but my community band has decided to regroup and will be working towards a Summer concert this year.  With Covid, things are difficult, but the plan is we are going to play and practice OUTSIDE in a parking lot and spread out to be very much socially distanced.  We would be (of course) required to be fully masked up until we are seated in our socially distanced spots and are ready to practice/play.  We will be similarly spread out in our eventual concert itself.  The director wrote to us and had each musician write back and respond to see if they would want to participate.  I can say that I have a bit of trepidation about it, but I am also very excited about potentially doing this.  I wrote back with a hesitant affirmative, and will see how the first few rehearsals feel to me safety-wise.  I am going to polish my bass clarinet in anticipation.  

+ + + 

I am trying to stay productive, although it is hard at times.  I am feeling in some ways like I am trying to swim through a vast ocean of molasses as far as productivity goes.  I have plenty of things TO DO, but even though I keep pecking away at things.... I know my heart is not in it as usual, because I am very slow and easily distracted.  But, I have to be doing "ok" because I have even started to do some work for my Summer class as well. 

+ + +

Hah!  There was just a beautiful, rumbly and deep, bass clarinet solo in part of the piece that was playing on CBC radio!

+ + +

It is rather odd recognizing how I will always be in some state of flux in regards to pipes and pipe tobaccos.  When I first gave up my pipes (hmmm... it is now about 38 months ago (3 years and two months)).... I naively expected there to be a slow, gradually declining slope line about the cravings I would have for them.  As I have come to figure out, it is more like a continually oscillating wave of desire.... sometimes it is low, but sometimes it is as strong as on day 1.  But, there really has never been a day that I can say I wouldn't immediately rejoin the beautiful hobby... if I could figure out a way to do so without worry and without a lot of work.  Being in the mid-range of my "pipe craving score" today perhaps is helpful for thinking more about a potential realistic way to return.  I will try to think more about this through the day.

+ + +

While running, I listened to the Capuchin Mass from yesterday and also a special service they have once a week that is the "Blessing of the Sick".  My two favorite Capuchins were presiders this time, which made them especially helpful.  Fr. Dan proclaimed Mass, and Fr. David presided over the afternoon "Blessing of the Sick".  While I try to learn a lot from all the Masses.... I do believe I am able to learn especially valuable insights in how to try to become a better, kinder person that I would like to be from both Fr. Dan and Fr. Dave.  

+ + +

Oh, this is a small comment back to AC.... it is interesting how you commented on the wine that was at the Parish Council Meeting.  It was a rather unique thing for me when I first began to experience this at the Parish when I joined after my wife and I married.  The parish where I grew up did not have that as part of functions.  But, what I came to realize is that the ways of my current parish reflect the social norms of the strong immigrant origins of my parish.  The particular Catholic Church my family belongs to is over 100 years old and was built initially by a very devout, extremely hard working immigrant population that was Eastern European in origin (mostly Polish).  Many of the families (probably just a little bit over 50% currently) still have very deep roots with Polish ancestry (including in my wife's side of the family).  And, I have come to realize and appreciate the very non-North American style view they have in regards to alcohol.  In most North American communities, alcohol consumption is distinctly separate and outside of most day-to-day actions/activities.  But in the Eastern European tradition, alcohol is just considered a typical portion of meals and sharing with families and friends... not really any different than sharing food, or breaking of bread is. I remember how "odd" it felt when I first was married and at this parish, but I have grown to really appreciate the more "food & sharing" approach that alcohol plays in this community.  

PipeTobacco

Vino - Wino

 

(PCS = 8)

For better or worse, a number of years ago I was asked by our parish priest to be President of our Parish Council.  I am not exactly sure why he felt I should be in this role, but I accepted in order to try to be helpful.  Our priest likes to have the Parish Council meet once each month and our council consists of about 12 parishioners and our priest.  

We had our April meeting last evening.  Even in the time of Covid, the folks want to share.  But, our meeting is now held in a large gymnasium of the elementary school and we are widely socially distanced by far, far more than six feet.  But, as part of the sharing, people always want refreshments.  One person brought in an assortment of cheese, vegetables and fruits.  Another one brought in a few dozen cookies.  I was comfortable passing on the foods. When I lost my ~130 pounds (~59kg, ~9.3 stone) several years ago, I became cognizant of and focused on changing what I call "mindless eating" in myself.  For a lot of years at events of this sort, or similar ones at work or even in some larger social situations, if food was available.... I was eating it.... as a method to occupy my time... as a method to not have to talk.... nor to talk too much, but also to listen.... as a way to avoid the discomfort I would feel in a "crowd" of this sort as I am more naturally inclined to be quiet in groups of folks.  It was very hard at first to avoid "mindless eating", but I have become quite adept at it now.  Unless a food at one of these sorts of events LOOKS especially delicious, unique, or tasty.... I can easily now forgo eating it.  And if I do eat it, it is a small piece.  

At the meeting, we were discussing some stained glass window repair work that was needed for the parish and we also discussed some electrical & lighting issues that have been occurring and how to adjust/fix those.  We also talked some about the COVID precautions we have implemented when Mass was once again able to be held and talked about how the restrictions and precautions worked.  

There was also a table of liquid refreshments on another table in the gymnasium, and part way through the meeting, I was getting thirsty so I traipsed over to the far side of the gym to see if there would be some Diet Pepsi, or at least some water.  But, when I got to the table, there were no diet sodas of any sort just sugary sodas which I no longer drink.  I did see some bottles of water..... but.... then I noticed... one of the ladies of the council brought a fairly hefty jug of homemade wine that her brother makes each year.  I have met him on several different occasions at Mass, even though he lives far away in another state.  But, I have had his wine a few times.... and it is awfully damn good!  

So, I poured myself a glass of this rich, deep, dark red wine and proceeded back to my seat.  I had not realized it earlier, but a smattering of folks at the meeting who I THOUGHT were drinking some sort of cola (we were spread out far apart and far away from each other)... were actually drinking some of the wine as well.... and I just had not previously noticed.  This wine this fellow makes.... it is very hard to describe with justice... it is so beautifully and intensely flavored that you feel you can know and sense each grape individually.  And, his wine is no slouch either in regards to potency.  I think this is the first drink I have had in perhaps a year or year and a half.  It was exceptionally pleasant... and exceptionally relaxing to boot!

The rest of the meeting was very pleasant.  But, I have to admit.... when the meeting concluded, in my gently relaxed state... I sure as hell wanted to very badly to have a pipe.  It seemed so unnatural and unfinished an evening to NOT have a pipe.  It took me quite a lot of energy when I returned home to avoid going into my study/office and grabbing one of my pipes and pouches of tobacco.  

Because of this meeting, my wife waited for me to get home so we could eat dinner together even though it was close to 9:00pm.  We nearly always do this for  each other whenever one of us has a later than desirable meeting.  I am especially glad she waited. I ate my monster-sized salad, my multiple mountains of three different vegetables, my large garbanzo bean salad, and my turkey/hummus sandwich with gusto.... not only because it tasted great... but also because it gave a valuable distraction from my pipe desire as well. 

PipeTobacco  

 

Memories of Painting

 

(PCS = 3)

I ran 9.4 miles (~15 km) this morning.  There was absolutely no wind, which was very nice.  It was a bit warmer at 6:00am too, being around 38 degrees F ( ~3 degrees C), so with no wind, I thought I would run WITHOUT sweatpants, and just ran with shorts.  I had a long-sleeve t-shirt and a sweatshirt and woolen cap on my head.  I decided to forgo the sweatpants because they tend to slow my running a bit, and they feel cumbersome on my legs.  I figured it my legs would warm up anyway with there being no wind.  It was not bad at all.  I also listened to the Capuchin Mass from Monday while I was running.  

One interesting physiological thing I have noticed ever since I lost weight... and it seems to be FURTHER enhanced when combined with running.... is that when finally sit to eat breakfast, I will within about 15 minutes of starting to eat, begin to feel VERY COLD.... sometimes I will even have goosebumps and shiver.  I never had that sort of sensation EVER back when I was more hefty fellow.  Being a biologist with a lot of background in physiology, I did eventually recognize why this now occurs consistently for me...

1.  Now that my body fat composition is in a healthier range (the last time I used one of those galvanic devices that estimates body fat, I was around 10 - 11 %) compared to when I was very heavy.... I do not have a tremendous fat energy reserve that is utilizable following eating.

2.  Add to this the "fast" notion related to breakfast (break fast)..... when I first eat in the morning, this is after several hours of not eating (due to sleeping).  My body is wanting/needing food.

3.   When we eat, the body has a shift in blood flow occur.... in order to activate the processes of digestion, there is shunting of more blood to both the digestive system and urinary system organs and tissues, with lower volumes going to the  skeletal musculature of the muscular system and also away from the integumentary system (the skin).  

It is the shunting of blood more towards the digestive/urinary systems and relatively less to the skeletal muscles and skin.... that causes me to feel the coldness now about 15 minutes after I start eating in the morning.  And, I never felt that before when I was much more hefty... because I had more insulation around me that kept me from feeling the change as drastically.   For me, this feeling last about one hour after eating breakfast and then dissipates, fortunately.  

+ + + 

My PCS score is lower than it has been in several days today.  This is rather pleasant, as it is not so much work to deal with when my PCS is low.  It is quite odd how each day can feel so very different in this regard, and there is not really any predictability to what to anticipate.  

I did have a very vivid.... memory type dream last night that included a lot of me smoking my pipes.  It was a rather simple dream too....

My dream was really a retelling in my mind of the few weeks prior to my family moving into the home we currently reside in.  This is our second home, and we moved only about 1/2 mile away from our first home that we purchased when we married.  The only reason we moved is that the layout of our first home was rather "odd" in some ways that very poorly utilized the space of the home.  Most notably, while the home was two stories (like our current home), the top floor was rather poorly designed to be only a single bedroom and a bathroom.  Added to this, our first home had windows that were rather small, and sat rather high upon the walls.  The third dislike we had about our first home was that it was oriented in such a way that the windows did not really let in very much sunlight into the rooms.... so it was a rather "dark" home inside.  Our current home is pretty much the same size, but it has all the bedrooms on the top floor, it has much larger windows in all rooms, and it is oriented in such a way that we get ample sunlight coming into the home.  

But, back to the dream.... the dream was was about the few weeks before we moved into the home.  We decided before we moved in, that we had had MORE than enough of wall-to-wall carpeting in our prior home (and had enough of the "joys" of keeping wall-to-wall carpeting clean with a myriad of pets and small children).  Since moving here many, many years ago, we have been using some area rugs on the floors when desired.... and when they would become unpleasant, we would get rid of them and either just have a wooden floor, or buy a replacement..... so much nicer and easier than wall-to-wall carpeting.  

So, my wife and I decided that before we moved into the new home, we would have all that home's wall-to-wall carpeting removed, and have the floors professionally sanded.   I then came in after the sanding had concluded, and spent the next couple of weeks putting a finish on the floors, and in painting all the rooms the various colors and hues my wife and I had agreed upon.  

During these three or so weeks, I would arrive at the home perhaps around 7am and start to get to taping walls, floor boards, etc and putting down tarps when needed.  Then I would begin finishing a floor in one room, and then start painting another room, slowly and meticulously working through all the various places.  Much to my delight, the prior home owners had smooth, completely white ceilings throughout the home... because while I do not mind painting, ceiling painting is to me, quite a bit more difficult, so I was happy they were fine.  

While I would sometimes smoke my pipe while I painted, much of the time... because of amount of time I was spending on the ladder, the hand-eye coordination required to manipulate brushes, rollers, and paint pans, and the focus I was putting into painting very meticulously.... a lot of the time I did not smoke my pipes while painting.  But, pretty regularly through each day, I would take a couple of breaks, and pour myself a tall, iced glass of iced tea, and meander out onto the back porch, smoke my pipe, and look out into our new back yard and the trail that runs behind it.  

During those few weeks, I was mostly alone in the house while I painted.  Other than a few visits by folks to inspect the furnace and water heater, to install cable television lines, phone lines, etc..... I was left to my own devices and simply worked through the manual efforts of painting and floor finishing.  And, it was rather awfully damn relaxing..... and sitting back on the porch, pipe in hand, taking long, luxurious pulls from the stem, with some quiet music in the background from the radio in the room I was painting felt peaceful in a way that is both hard to attain and difficult to describe.  At that point, I had no real worries or cares in the world at that moment for me.  I was simply working and striving to get the house ready so my family and I could move in and start living in this bright, tranquil home.  Life was pleasant, serene,  and yet also exciting.  Work at the U was filled with only kind, pleasant folks.  It was Summer, and I was not teaching during those few weeks.  And, each and every pipeful I indulged in felt special, magical, indulgent in the best possible of ways,  and pure...  and life felt utterly carefree. 

My dream last night was really reliving many of those memories of that period of time.  

PipeTobacco

Catnip & Pipe Tobacco

 

(Pipe Craving Score (PCS) = 7 today)

I got up early and ran my 9 miles.  Because it was SNOWING (sigh) and quite windy, I ran on the damnable treadmill, but it felt good to get moving and it felt good to get sweaty. 

+ + + 

The Ethiopian food my wife and I prepared on Sunday was wonderfully delicious!!!!  Two of our kids ate with us as well and they were also very pleased.  I was exceptionally happy with how the Injera bread turned out.  Even though ours were more pancake sized, they tasted quite authentic, and the soft, airy texture brought back such fun memories of our adventures in the various cities where we have been fortunate to discover Ethiopian restaurants over the years.   

+ + +

Working at my desk this morning, and it feels like a classical symphony day today for me.  I am currently listening to one of my NPR Classical Music channels and what is on is the long form of:  

El Rio De Las Siete Estrellas

And, for me, this is an excellent example of the type of "long form" wind symphony style "band" music I thoroughly enjoy.  The brass sounds and the woodwinds are just beautiful and luxurious.  In my example link in the above, I am linking to a YouTube version of it, as I cannot capture the NPR version that is playing. 

+ + +

For dinner tonight, my wife and I are planning to have a baked tortellini dish.  I am going to cobble together an Indian inspired sauce for it that I like to make.  It is a sauce I have made when we are in a hurry on several occasions but want something that has a bit of an "Indian-esque" flavor and I refer to it as my "Bengal Sauce".  Basically, I take some jarred marinara sauce, and add a bit of apricot preserves, a curry spice blend, tumeric, pepper, and some allspice.  It takes all of about five minutes for me to prepare the sauce, and then I heat it in a pan to blend the flavors together.  We will then cover the tortellini with the sauce and add various cheeses and bake the contraption in the oven until it is bubbly and the cheese a bit crusty.  It should be good.... it is an interesting "fusion" dish I created on a whim one time and we have really liked it so we have had it many times since my first attempt.  We will likely have it along with a huge salad and mounds of various vegetables as sides.  

+ + +

After I ran this morning, while making my coffee, I dug into the cupboard and pulled out the catnip and gave our cat, Maximilian, a good hefty teaspoon or so.  He had a very pleasant time smelling it and eating.  He quickly grew enjoyably loopy and began to roll around on the counter.  I am sure he is continuing to have a pleasantly surreal morning.  The contentedness you could see on his face reminded me of the beautiful luxuriousness I would enjoy in having a first pipe of the day.  Although of course, my pipes and pipe tobaccos did not imbue "loopiness" in me.... the contented,  relaxed, and joyful feelings a robust pipe would provide in the morning..... I don't know... the cat's reaction just reminded me of that pleasure.  I do know that pipe tobacco *IS* my catnip. :)

+ + +

This is probably enough for this morning.  I should dive back into my mouse clicking and grading, and focus on some more exam preparation as well as working on my grant, and on some "set-up" work for the new pair of rodent studies I have earmarked for this Spring.  I am surprised.... I have had a dozen different undergraduate students inquire about trying to join my lab and collaborating on research with me.  They are all really nice kids, and I am hoping to be able to allow them all in if possible.  My lab is already quite full, but I really don't want to turn anyone away.  I seem to have inspired quite a few of these kids in my classes, because this is a bigger group of new folks than usual.  

PipeTobacco

This & That

 

(PCS Score Today = 7)

I am working to try to be very productive today and to also have a day of "just being" in which I try to be more experiential in my efforts. In other words, I am trying to NOT ruminate today.   That does not mean I am not having *thoughts*.  By not ruminating today, I am working to a) not OVERLY ANALYZE thoughts and ideas, b) not STRAINING to make sense out of things that are confusing or unfathomable, c) listening more  to my body, my mind, and my jawline about when something is getting bothersome and I need to take a break and/or shift focus.  Hence, I am able to write here, right now... because I started to notice I was clenching my teeth and starting to get a headache from some of the online grading I was working through.  I needed a break.  

NOT ruminating isn't actually that EASY for me to accomplish.  It seems a bit strange to say that.  I have had to keep aware of myself today to try to recognize and short circuit my natural inclination to slide into rumination.  I have a tendency to try to plow through tasks... forcing myself to get them DONE once I begin..... and this forcing through often leads me to ruminate (and often grumble under my breath) while I work.    I think that “pushing through” can be helpful at times.  But, I do know that a fair amount of the time, it leads me to get more tired and to make my TMJ flare up as well.  So, I think my non-ruminating efforts today may be helpful in this regard for me.  

+ + +

• My running is still not where I would like it.  It is better than last week where each day was really a chore to commit to doing.  This week, I had three great days so far where I felt back up to snuff in terms of my enthusiasm for running.  But, two days were still rather like pulling teeth to get me to go put in the miles.... I just had no motivation on those two days.  

• With pretty nice temperatures forecast this weekend, I am going to try to convince my wife and my one quarantined kid to try to play through a few games of croquet with me.  Last Summer, after finding the old set up in the attic, I got it down and it was actually quite fun for everyone the several times we played it through the Summer.

• My wife and I are going to TRY to... for the first time.... make our attempt at... making some Ethiopian food... including the delightful injera bread.  We have made some Ethiopian spice inspired dishes before, but not typical Ethiopian recipes.  And, since COVID hit, we have not been in a restaurant,  and there is no local Ethiopian place to order take-out.. so we are BOTH feeling quite deprived of the wonderful cuisine.  The image at the top of this post is of the typical fashion and style of food we are able to get as a shared platter at the Ethiopian restaurants we have visited over the years.  I doubt we will be able to do the cuisine adequate justice.... but.... I hope we will have enough success to have some *glimpses* of those delightful foods and spices during our meal.  

• Today, I found I wanted a break from Pandora.  Do not get me wrong... it is absolutely wonderful, but I was more in the mood for some of the classical music I especially like.  I have a classical music Pandora channel, but I have not fine tuned it enough with "thumbs up" and "thumbs down" votes to shape the channel to the favored types of classical music I especially like.   However, several years ago when I began to explore online radio programming, when I first was able to start listening to NPR online..... I started to explore a huge number of different NPR music focused stations as well as NPR talk stations.  And, of the many NPR classical music stations in my cue, my very favorite happens to be WRCJ out of Detroit.  Of all the various NPR classical music channels I listen to, WRCJ  tends to have a heavier focus on my personal favorite forms of classical..... long-form meandering classical music (that can extend for 20-30 minutes at a time) and wind ensemble pieces.  

• I am also thinking that I want to dig out my golf clubs and swing off the rust, etc in my arms and make this a golfing summer.  The clubs I have are quite old school, and are actually the last set of clubs my father bought for himself and they herald from the mid-1960s.  I think I am going to clean and polish these beasts and take to trying to improve my (poor) golf skills.   In the past, one of my brother's in law who is a very avid golfer kept telling me to buy some new clubs because of all the "technological" improvements... and that I would likely drop my score by at least 20 points across 18 holes.  But... nah.... I *like* using my father's old clubs.  And, I don't really give a damn about my score.

• My pipe craving score has dropped a bit to around a 7.  That has been helpful.  Being at the "9" level for the last several days has been rather draining.  I opened up the lid on my pipe rack's tobacco jar here by my desk this morning.  I wanted to have more of its pleasant smell around me as I worked.  Its aroma is earthy, with a bit of gentle sweetness, and hints of citrus and vanilla.  It is a really pleasant leaf.  It is of course EVEN MORE delightful when I am smoking it. :) But, at least this is something beautiful too.    

PipeTobacco

Ad Libitum

 

(PCS - continuing at a strong 9 today)

I was very pleased when both Tom Cochrun and Ol'Buzzard mentioned their own appreciation of jazz in comments to me!  It is regrettably sad IMO that jazz has declined considerably in popularity, especially during the last thirty years.  While I enjoy many forms of music, there is something so captivating and unique about jazz (especially modal jazz) that I find it surprising that it is becoming so obscure to so many.  

There are so many exceptional jazz artists, that I could not do adequate justice here.  But, off the top of my head, some of my own personal favorites include:

Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Coleman Hawkins, Paul Desmond, Sonny Rollins, Lee Morgan, Dexter Gordon, and Stan Getz are just some of my personal favorites.  It is nearly impossible to pick ONE song as the ultimate favorite, but I would have to say that this Miles Davis song is always going to be in my top five... both for Mile's trumpet... but for the piano accompaniment as well.  Just exceptional in all regards:

It Never Entered My Mind - Miles Davis Quintet 

+ + +

The term ad libitum is one I tend to hear and use frequently in my work at the U.  It is a Latin phrase and it means..... "as much or as often as desired"..... in other words, "at will".   I use it in regards to many of my rodent research projects, and it is common in different aspects of the research I read related to my own work.  

In my post yesterday I mentioned how I would very much like to find/figure out some way to return to my pipes and pipe tobaccos with two caveats:

1.  In returning, I would want to do so, so that I would not feel the worry/anxiety I had been feeling creep into the hobby during the last few years  

2.  In returning, I would want to do so, in a manner that would be low stress.... "easy" and not requiring from me a lot of work or effort.  

And as it stands currently, to me, the two caveats above seem diametrically opposed to each other.... at least in the way my brain currently operates. 

During the more than four decades where I had indulged in pipes and pipe tobacco smoking, it had always been pretty much ad libitum... at will.... as desired.  I mean.... technically that was not always true, for there were times when I would abstain when I may have wanted to indulge, but these were generally minor and short term pauses..... sleeping, in my vehicle when driving with the kids or my wife, at Mass, in the classroom, etc.  But, for the most part, other than that, I was always WITH THE OPTION to indulge if I so desired.  It was a very flexible, innate..... and "organic" activity.  

But, in order to have little or even better, no worry if I were to return.... my indulgence would require regulation, limiting, most likely scheduling.  Those facets feel like WORK, not just living "in the moment".  And, I am not sure at this time, if I were to indulge in a pipeful, would that INTENSIFY the desires to drive me back to my multi-decade indulgence patterns of.... simply "at will"... or at the very least make my following of a plan more difficult?  

So, in many ways.... until I figure things out more to try to find some sort of happy medium in the two caveats..... it is easier to continue to refrain.... rather than risk jumping back into the hobby I so desire to return to ..... ill-prepared and... end up satisfying neither caveat.  

PipeTobacco 

Relpy to Comments (OlBuzzard's Today)

 

Not nearly as much time today as I had hoped for writing here because of additional chaos in my work at the U, so it will unfortunately be a bit briefer than originally intended.   

The one pleasant thing I have during this chaos is my Pandora that I can play softly in the background as I work.  I have attached a link to one particular song that was in my jazz queue today that was especially pleasant and helpful, so I hope you will give it a listen.  You can usually skip the ad(s) if you click in the lower right of the screen, but if not, they are very brief:

"Milestones" featuring Miles Davis

Back on last Thursday, a friend, Ol'Buzzard commented to my post and gave me some food for thought that I should reply to.  I am doing so below:   

"You know, I read your blog all the time and you always sound miserable: People at work don't like your, you job is too stressful, you are critical of yourself, you deny your self pleasures."

I do admit that I sound miserable at times.  And, sometimes that is reality, but not always.  I think it is that there some things that go on in my life during the last few years that do *gnaw* at me, and I work to try to look beyond them, but it is not always easy for me to do.  I think that perhaps here, in this blog, I tend to sometimes use this space as a place where I can feel more freedom to express the things that are bothering me.  It is my thought that if I can get these thoughts down, it helps me to not think about them as much.  I am not sure if that always works, but sometimes it does help.  

In regards to  "People at work don't like you" ... I can say that truthfully I have conflict with only three people.  

• One person is an individual I do not have any appreciable interaction with anymore at work so it no longer really a concern or worry of mine.  
• The two people that *I* personally have significant conflict with are two people in my Department.... 
• One is a person whom I HAD a great friendship with for decades, but now there is virtually no relationship.  This situation gnaws at me, because a) I know this person has always been a bit of a "follower" of whomever talks the most or loudest in all the years I have known this person.  But, it is disheartening to see that this individual has so changed opinion on nearly everything in the last couple of years to follow this new "loud, obnoxious" person's world view.  I have tried to ask to talk to this person about our work relationship at least four times directly, and alluded to it perhaps another four.  Each time, the person became rather huffy about it.  So I now dropped asking any further.  And yet, at other times this person seems to act fairly close to normal for brief periods.
  
• The other person.... well.... I think she is simply oblivious to how obnoxious she actually is, and yet, I cannot dismiss her behavior and attitude because of her oblivious nature.  She is a relatively new (in time, not age) person in our Department, who is one of those people who has utterly no damn ability to compromise or to see other's points of view.  Each and every damn thing she does or thinks has to be exactly "Her Way, or the Highway" and she never lets up... and she never stops talking incessantly about what she wants.  Add to that, she is also VERY much a "splitter" personality (a person who gets so very, very didactic and focused on utter absolutes about the smallest damn things) as opposed to a "clumper" personality (who looks more at the bigger picture, looks more for trends.  We butt heads because she and I have ENORMOUSLY different points of view on damn near everything.  I also am by nature much more of a person who more of a "clumper, and also tends to gravitate towards finding compromise.... and it is so obnxious and taxing to deal with anything concerning her, because she just NEVER stops PUSHING her own idea as the ONLY idea that matters, and has no ability or understanding of how to compromise on anything.  I believe she thinks it is "cool" that she is so much of what she calls "forthright" and "adamant"..... I personally think she is just a DAMN SELFISH individual.  Her actions over the last few years have been ENORMOUSLY hurtful to me, and for a very long time I despised her and her selfishness.  She is the person for whom I am working to try to figure out how to have a forgiving heart about, but it is not easy.  

• Other than those in the above, I work with a whole bunch of other folks regularly.... perhaps another 20 or so faculty/staff regularly in my Department and of course hundreds of students.  I am well liked by those folks and I like them as well.  I think I gnaw in my mind about the two above because I really do not understand their behavior and attitude and do not like having to constantly be trying to stake claim to keeping things "normal" as opposed to whatever damn way she wants things.... because a lot of folks will acquiesce to her because she never shuts up. 

"I know it sounds critical; but you need some changes, to be less introspective."

I agree with you about the above.  Being introspective *had* been very helpful for me through most of my life in terms of trying to accomplish things early on.  But, I can say that at least in regards to the above especially nasty person, I think I need to figure out a way to keep from letting her obnoxiousness gnaw at me. I need to figure out how to stop ruminating about her.   

In other areas of my life, I also think I have grown to be far too introspective as well.  I am trying to be less so.  I have grown less introspective in a few areas of my life and guess I am being more "experiential" in those areas.  I will try to mention them more when I recognize that.  But, I have to admit it is a bit like teaching an old dog some new tricks.  "Not ruminating" does not come easy to me.

 
"Retire or find a job you like."

 Actually, on the whole... I really do enjoy my job at the U.  I very much like the interaction with students, I like that sort of work.  The (hopefully temporary) Covid situation has (again, hopefully temporarily) changed my work to being more of a cyborg who is constantly on the computer and is fussing with computer minutia.... but I believe that SOMEDAY, hopefully soon, I will be able to back in a more normal state of teaching.  

I really enjoy normal teaching at the U.  I also enjoy my service work at the U, and I also enjoy my research work at the U.  The only U problems really stem primarily from that pushy person in the above... which then leads to me to dislike most Department meetings and interactions because she is there, yammering her head off all about her agenda.  But, other than that, I do enjoy my job. 

"Take back up pipe smoking."

Hah.... that IS indeed something I would like to do.  I am trying to think of a way to do so without as many of the risks and worries... and without it having to be a lot of work to maintain.  I hope to figure that out... and I would like to figure out a plan I could commit to sooner rather than later.... but I do not want it to be work and struggle to maintain and I also do not want the worry to resurface either.   

Get a prescription for Viagra.

In that regard, while I do have a bit of lessening of "vim and vigor" like is common for men of my age, I am fortunately not yet in need of Viagra.  I *have* wondered though because of anecdotal suggestions... if said medication would assist me in re-attaining my more youthful "vim and vigor" profile... which I wouldn't mind.  Not really sure if I could get a prescription though for just wanting to try to be better.  And, I am not really sure what my wife might think of this idea either.   

"Buy a motorcycle."

I do understand and appreciate the beauty and attraction of riding a motorcycle.  I also, unfortunately know I am a damn klutz, so do not think I would survive long if I tried to take up the hobby.  So, while I have read a fair number of motorcycle magazines, watched nearly all the old motorcycle movies, etc.... I know it would NOT be a good idea for me.  

"Stock your cupboard with good scotch whiskey."

I have some really nice whiskeys and nice gin as well that I have acquired over time.  Unfortunately, I do not really have any drinking buddies anymore.  And, I do not find it particularly fun to drink alone, so I have been abstaining since my father-in-law passed away.  My wife is a tee-teetotaler so she is not help in this regard either.  It is interesting that unlike when I first started at the U, that there really are not nearly as many folks who drink as there had been.  I miss both the drinking buddies I once had, and also the U opportunities for drinking that used to be far more prolific. 

"Life is too fucking short, mate. You are going to blink, and then like me, find that your future is dwindling to a short few years."

Unfortunately, I do worry about that quite a lot.  It is one of the things I do spend a lot of time ruminating about that I do not often write about. 

"It is all right to tell me to go fuck myself. I'll still read your blog.

Sorry,
the Ol'Buzzard"

I would never do that, because I like your writings and I like your point of view.  And, truthfully, what you say is wise and very true.   I almost was going to say I really need to think about this more and to devise some plan to become better, but that in itself is awfully damn foolish. 

So, what you say, are things I do agree with, especially how much of the above relates to life being too short.  The hard part for me, however, is changing.  I am not particularly good at making changes in my life.  Sure, I *can* do it.... but most of the time it takes a helluva lot of work and a huge amount of stubbornness and damned dogged determination on my part TO change things about myself.  I am not really sure how to try to effect change in myself which is basically to "relax and enjoy" and "have fun" when I tend to have to put such a lot of work in making changes in myself.  It seems kind of like I am approaching things ass-backwards, or at the very least the effort I would think I would have to make in itself would be self defeating.  I DO wish it were easier for me to figure out.  It sounds actually quite stupid to say that.... but.... it does seem to be harder than it really should be for me.

PipeTobacco

Chaos Ensues

All manner of chaos erupted since my last post.  But, I have wanted to post, so I am going to at least make a bulleted list of as many details of various thoughts as I can recall and muster to list:

• Went to the funeral of my musician friend.  The Catholic Church of his funeral was one of only a few in the region I had not visited before.  

• One of my kids came home and is having to be in quarantine due to a direct exposure to a COVID positive individual.

• Students in my classes are dropping like flies.... I have had at least 30 students who have had to quarantine and I am working like a dog to keep up on all the requests for accommodations and electronic alternatives to damn near everything.

• The editors for my book revision have seemed to have gone AWOL.... their deadline is fast approaching yet they do not respond to my queries.  
  

• We had snow yesterday..... the harsh, windy, cold is hard to get used to when you have just felt the pleasure of warmer weather only a few days prior.

• I had a grant deadline to meet that has required more time than I have available. 

• And there are a whole helluva lot of other things, I am not really remembering at the moment as I try to feverishly write out this list.  

Besides the "news" of the above, my mind has been like a pinball shooting around from place to place all throughout the landscape of the machine. My varied thoughts have hitting on these bumpers a lot during the last several days:

• I have to get preparing of final exams to get them ready so that they may be finalized in time for all six classes.

• I have to better plan my running so that during this chaos of not only the COVID chaos, but the chaos of the approach of the end of the semester, that I do not neglect this important activity.

• I have to figure out if there is some way I could return to my pipes in a way that is not going to create worry and also not going to take substantial effort.  My PCS score.... my pipe craving score has stayed consistently at 9 for the last several days and it is exhausting.  But it is also just as exhausting to try to figure out a way to do so successfully.  I have thought about it a lot.  But, I am not seeing a viable path yet.  

Running out of time for today's "brief" post of bullets.... but a few odds and ends:

• I was concerned that I had not yet ran my April half marathon (13.1 miles ( ~ 21km)), so I forced myself up extra early yesterday and ran 13.2 miles to get the damn thing done.  It actually did feel good when I finished.  I felt the least amount of stress I have felt in about a week when I was done.  I am still keeping up with the 52-54 miles (~86km) a week I have been maintaining in running for each week even though sometimes it is quite a challenge. 
  

• I am enamored with molasses lately, and have been using it as a substitute for jams, jellies, and preserves of late.  It is very tasty on an English Muffin, and I was contemplating using it instead of maple syrup in the next go-around I have with pancakes, which I am thinking about making for my wife and me for dinner perhaps next week.  

• I am thinking that if I have enough time to think, I will try to have at least some of tomorrow's post be in reply to comments from Ol'Buzzard. I had been meaning to do this since he left me comments last week.... but with the chaos, I did not get a chance to be on here to reply in a cohesive fashion.  

 PipeTobacco

 

 

No Good

 

I am now trying to live in a mindset of NOT COMPLAINING, but accepting.  Complaining really does no good.  Acceptance is really all that can be done in cases where there is no known path towards change. 

So, what I am working to accept:

1.  I am working to accept that I am in some (hopefully temporary) stage where my motivation to run is low.  That does not mean I cannot run.  It does not mean I am not running.  It just means that it is something I need to work more strenuously at to accomplish each day currently.  I am not sure why my motivation is low.  It may simply be that I am desiring a break from the current routines of life.... a vacation of sorts.... a vacation somewhere that is not really possible at this time due to work and due to Covid.

2.  I am working to accept that my motivation to teach ONLINE is low at the moment.  Plugging away at and fussing at the array of "mouse clicky" work that ONLINE teaching entails is not that hard, it is just tedious and time consuming in ways that have not been a part of my teaching until Covid.  I can do this ONLINE teaching and I will do this ONLINE teaching as long as it is needed, and I have to keep my focus on the idea that I AM being helpful to students.  I AM helping them to grow and develop.  I am helping to motivate them.   Yesterday, I had one of my ONLINE students schedule an ONLINE meeting with me, and he was very animated in his descriptions to me of how he was happy he has had me as his instructor during Covid, because he felt I was really working hard to reach students through this electronic format.  By contrast, yesterday I also was able to meet with a handful of prospective undergraduate research interested students IN PERSON, and the interactions were delightful and invigorating to me and reminded me of the best of what IN PERSON teaching can be.

3.  I am still perusing my Lenten Vow of forgiveness and kindness towards the two who hurt me so very much.   I can say that I have had ups and downs in that progress.  Earlier in this week, I had reached another low point where I was feeling very intensely the sort of dislike and distrust I have had for the worse of these two folks.  I am working to accept that this may still occur, and that what I can do is to keep focused on how I want to be towards the two EVEN when I am in a down state, and if I cannot wrangle myself out of the "down" state, I can work to at least ignore the feelings until I feel enough energy to try to be better again in my goal of forgiveness and friendliness.  Overall, I have made progress, but I still have much further to go.  

 4.  I am working to simply accept that right now, I am in a very strong phase of yearning for and missing my pipes (PCS = 9 again today).  I cannot get down on myself for this.  I really can only accept that even after well over 1000 days, these memories of the deep, yet ethereal pleasures of the pipe and pipe tobaccos remain with me and will likely remain strong at times, and may quiet at times.  I must work to continue to accept that these undulations in memory and desire will likely continue, perhaps forever. I cannot and should not complain.  I have so many utterly cherished memories of indulging in the beauty of the briar pipe and the myriad of pipe tobaccos.  I should live in joy about those memories I was able TO experience, and now can savor at least IN memory. And, even though I seemingly cannot currently find an appropriate way to return to them, I can also keep in mind that there may still perhaps be a way, and perhaps I will discover that way someday so that the joys will not be just beautiful, exquisite, artistic memories, but may also be able to be again a reality in my current experiences.   To figure out a way in which I can again, with joy, experience the sheer magic of the lived experience of smoking my pipes is something I do hope for.  

5.  I am working to accept that Covid, even with a vaccine, will still in all likelihood shape our futures in ways that will continue to be different.  I have to accept, for instance, that my hope for being able to swim again in the community pool at least in the Summer is probably more likely than not only a beautiful pipe dream.  In the same way as with my pipes, I must try to live in and relish the memories of those times year round when I was afforded the luxury of that beautifully immersive experience.  I cannot dwell on the inaccessibility of the beautiful pool now, for that only diminishes the beloved memories.  

6.  I am working to accept that films in theaters, plays in auditoriums and stages, concerts that I listen to and watch, and concerts that I play in will not be available soon.  But the memories of their pleasure, of their shared experience can help sustain me.   

7.  I am working to accept that double masking in face-to-face teaching will remain for a long while.  I am working to accept that the tiredness of speaking robustly and animatedly through a double mask to try to instill a thirst for knowledge in my students is my requirement, no matter how exhausting lecturing in a loud, professorial voice can be over the scope of hours.  

PipeTobacco

Huge Covid Surge

 

Although there is no GOOD time for this to happen, unfortunately the surging COVID rates in my region are not being dealt with appropriately.  That they are surging now in a way with no cohesive guidance makes work at this time of the U semester pretty much a nightmare:

1.  I am expected to keep face-to-face classes that I have been teaching, and NOT converting them to online (because there is no policy from the state).

2.  I am expected to not only teach these face-to-face classes, but to also simultaneously build electronic replacements for the myriad of students who are now unable to attend because they are in quarantine due to exposure to an active COVID patient.  

3.  And, do I or will I get notified about quarantining myself, because of the high probability that some COVID active student has been in one of my multi-hour face-to-face classes? 

+ + +

It is just so difficult to be at peace with anything at the moment.  

My wife is grumpy about her work and COVID too.  It is difficult to talk with our kids about this as well as they are all experiencing various COVID scares again as well.  

+ + +

I so very much want to smoke my pipes right now (PCS = 9).  The yearning, the pangs of missing them feels so harsh today that it feels like it is in the top 10 days of difficulty I have experienced in the last 1,155 days I have gone without my pipes (Yes, I just counted to see how many days it has been.).

+ + + 

Running, though critical for my stress management, is not in a fun phase at the moment.  I am still doing my 9 (or more) miles a day, but I am not experiencing any joy in it the last week or two.  I hope that my mood improves where I can get back to it being enjoyable again.  Currently, I am just trying to view it as a "prescription medication"  that I *have* to do and *have* to get done to dissipate stress.  I cannot simply ignore it, because I want to.  And, if I did not run, I suspect my mood would be even less "stellar" than it currently is.

PipeTobacco

Discussion of Some Comments

 

I thought today I would focus on a few recent comments I received:

My friend, Anvilcloud, asked me:

"Do you treat your beard in any way?"

Anvilcloud has been (like I also did) allowing his beard and mustache grow out more robustly than the usual length he wore.  I started my own "bigger" beard/mustache adventure a few years ago now, and have found it very pleasant.  Anvilcloud has decided to try it a few months ago.  Here are some of my thoughts:

1.  A “big beard/mustache” is even easier!  I no longer occasionally shave a border on my neck, for instance.  Perhaps once a month I will take electronic clippers and gently smooth out the rough edges of my beard to keep it in neater shape, but that is it.  It has become very dense and full, and I have an almost "mountain man" sort of visage, albeit neater.  Actually, in many ways, since I tend to dress for my work at the U in tweeds, khakis, and various hats, and also wear lab coats quite a bit in my lab and lab courses.... I think I tend to look a bit more like the stereotypical 1800s fellows from various Jules Verne novels. 

2.   I have gotten a helluva lot of complements about my beard/mustache since I have grown it out. I have worn a beard and mustache continuously since I was 19, but I had always kept it short (usually in the neighborhood of 1/2 - 1 inch in length).  But, I can say that in the roughly almost three years since I started to let it grow out fully, I have gotten more positive complements, more accolades, and more notice in this length of time that I ever did in total in the decades before growing it out.  I find it very bemusing about the many comments I receive from students.  I have gotten a lot of comments from the workers at the coffee houses I frequent, and I have even been stopped randomly by folks in the grocery store.  It is surprising and interesting.... and I have to say I enjoy the positive comments.  Since Covid hit, and I am wearing a mask, the complements have gone down, but they still occasionally happen.  For instance, I was getting a few items (bagels at Tim Horton's) through a drive-through window the other day, and because I was in the car, I was not wearing a mask to go to the drive-through window.  The young fellow at the window who was taking my money commented on how I had a "...really great beard" and then he also proceeded to call over his girlfriend who was working there too, and she also said it was really "great".  In some ways this attention is a bit embarrassing, but it is also a lot of fun.   

So, back to Anvilcloud's question:  Do I treat my beard in any way?  

Basic answer..... no.  

Caveat answer..... I have over the time period where I have let my beard/mustache grow out.... received on a few occasions from my wife and my kids, special "beard oils", and various "beard treatments" and "beard paraphernalia" ("special" combs, etc).  I have gamely given each of them a try or two.... but have never took to any of them long term.  It is my opinion that "beard oils" are basically oily cologne.  My beard is very wiry and curly.  These beard oils do nothing for me other than perhaps give a slight scent. The special "beard treatments" (usually a special shampoo of some sort) seem to do nothing as well.  But.... then again, remember, I am a penny-pinching sort of fellow, and I will tell you a secret that even my wife finds odd:

I have only used bar soap when I shower ever since I started college back when I was a young lad.  Currently, I use "Irish Spring," and it is not only my bath soap for my body, it is my hair's "shampoo" and the special "treatment" I use to wash my beard and mustache as well.  I think I have used "Irish Spring" for at least 25 years or so, give or take a few bars of "Zest"  interspersed when my wife found a good sale. Before that, the soap I used was some other brand.  I think I was using "Dial".... it was an orange colored bar of soap anyhow.   

So, in the real, day-to-day life, I really do nothing to treat my beard in any way.  I think for me, the very wiry, curly texture is beneficial for me in terms of growing it out.  My beard never gets the droopy look that can sometimes happen if you have perfectly straight beard hair.  Because of my wiry texture, it just grows "bigger" in all directions.  It typically defies gravity and strong wind to boot. :)  

If I would have known/understood how much easier (and apparently "better") my beard/mustache would be if I let it grow out, I would have done so a helluva long time ago. 

* * * * *

Pat (unfortunately, no know blog to link to) also asked me a question:

"Could you delegate to a good graduate student or two some significant part of the chore of grading undergraduate exams?"     

 Well.... yes and no.  It really depends:

*ALL* of my graduate students are CURRENTLY science research students.  And, really, their major emphasis with me is to learn how to practice science.... learn to write papers and grants, learn to conduct quality research, etc.  While some other profs feel it is "ok" to have their research students do a lot of "grunt" work like grading things they should do themselves, I tend to feel that it is in my student's best interest to stay as sharply focused as possible on learning to be a scientist.  

However, sometimes I will have a graduate student or two who are science education students.  When I have these types of graduate students, I do have them work *with me* on grading and grading techniques... even though sometimes it is more work than benefit for me.  Because these students are working on their advanced science education degrees, having them explore different methods of grading is a reasonably good fit.  I do tend to work with them more, however, on developing their pedagogy and depth of knowledge.  

At the moment, at my U, there are not many science education graduate students.  In fact, I actually believe there may not be any at the moment.  The science education graduate students were always a much, much smaller number compared to the science research students.  The last time I had a science education graduate student, was, I think.... back in 2016-2018.  

But, onto a bigger picture answer to your question..... ultimately, I was not really particularly peeved about the grading itself.  I have grown very accustomed to that over the decades.  What was tweaking my mood towards the negative was a) that it was electronic grading which is perhaps a logarithmic level more tedious than normal grading, b) and that I did not have the option to experience the extremely pleasant, extremely desired ritual of at the end of the massive grading session.... of having a few drinks and a few pipes with my father-in-law.  That was truthfully what I was so adamantly kvetching about.  

I had this deeply ingrained, wonderful pattern, wonderful grading ritual for DECADES.  It was something I truly felt grounded by.  It was so wonderful, and now it is just gone.  

PipeTobacco

Mortinta

 

On Friday, when my work was nearing completion for the day, I was thinking and gearing up to write out some of my thoughts here.  On my mind, though, was a need my wife and I had to attend a visitation later in the evening that was being held for the father of a family friend of ours.  He was a very nice fellow that we had met a several times over the years during birthday celebrations and camping trips we had that included our friend and his family.  Our friend's father was also involved in "reenactments" especially of the French-Canadian fur trappers and traders.  I enjoyed hearing his stories about these reenactments, and have sometimes contemplated pursuing  such a hobby myself.  I think I would enjoy it.  

Unfortunately, while my wife and I were dressing and preparing to go to the funeral home for the visitation, we received some very tragic news.  A different close friend of mine (not the fellow in the above paragraph).... a fellow in the Music Department that I have known for nearly 30 years at the U, passed away suddenly.  This was extremely disheartening news, and it was made even more so because of the situation from which it transpired.  

My friend, this fellow who suddenly passed away, had only one week before his passing, gone into the hospital and had surgery and received three stents in his heart.  Because of the way health care is these days, he was summarily discharged 48 hours after this surgery.  

I personally do not think stent surgery is safe.  Just slightly over 14 years ago, my mother went into the hospital, and they founds she had some narrowing of some coronary vessels, so she had "preventative" surgery to have two stents put in.  Two days later, she died due to a blood clot that formed and broke free, resulting in a massive myocardial infarction in the hospital, the morning before she was going to be discharged from the hospital.  Her blood clot most likely formed at the sight of one of the stents because of the turbulence that occurs in blood flow in and near stent placements.... even though she was and had been on anti-coagulant (blood thinning) agents. 

From all accounts, it appears the same damn thing happened to my friend from the Music Department.  About three days following his release, he apparently died, alone, at home from a loose clot that caused a massive heart attack.  

I shall greatly miss my friend.  He was jovial, kind, and very passionate about life and especially about music.  It saddens me greatly, and brings back a lot of harsh memories also about my Mom.  

PipeTobacco

Grumpy Grading

(PCS = 9)

I am tired, feeling grumpy and out of sorts.  The two “highlights” of my day were two online meetings.  The rest of the day was spent grading.  Electronic grading is actually far more than annoying compared with paper grading, so I have a pretty damn good headache.  

I ran 9.4 exhausting miles at 6:30am.  But I was determined to get them over with during the part of the day that was predicted to be dry and lowest wind (~ 8mph, ~13kph) of the day.  

Normal “big grade” days would be filled with shuffling paper, lots of flourishes with a vivid, red pen, lots of beautifully aromatic pipes, and the thought of a few beers with my father-in-law on the  Friday afternoon following “big grade day” .

None of that now.  

PipeTobacco 

Ghost Taste

 

(PCS = 7)

Well, I did run 9.2 miles (~15km) when I finished work yesterday.  I was very sweaty afterwards as we had temperatures amazingly around 75 degrees (~24 C).  It actually felt good to get heavily sweaty.  This morning (6am), I ran another 9.2 miles.  So, I am staying on track and have ~27.6 miles (~44.5km) finished so far this week.  

I am hoping for a more calm, consistent day today.   I am going to try to squeeze in some time to capture some of the just beginning signs of Spring with my old camera.  We are just seeing some signs of little, green buds starting to show on trees and shrubs.  I can hopefully capture some interesting macro images of these if I get to go.  

I found a used book (with CD) that is meant to help me better understand improvisation styles and techniques that I hope will help me with my various instruments.  It is purported to help also in the understanding of the "ways to think about and envision" modal jazz concepts.  I hope so.  I really like to listen to modal jazz, but thinking of trying to play something in that style and with those concepts seems beyond my abilities.  

The small "ghost taste" I experienced yesterday as I was fiddling with my bulldog pipe lingered with me all afternoon.  It was such a friendly, enjoyable flavor that lingered.  It really reminded me of how flavorful and pleasant I found my pipes.  I have been thinking about that a lot since then.  I miss them. The tongue image is a drawing that looks much like my friendly dog's muzzle.  

 PipeTobacco 

 

Temporal Stress (Jangly Nerves)

 

The "unexpected" is occasionally good.... but often-times it is just stressful. Today's "unexpected" was definitely just stressful.

My wife and I were both home in the early morning.  I had my electronic "cyborg" type of teaching to do today and so I had to be ready to teach my class on-line.  My wife was staying home for a bit before she was going to do some of her things at her work later in the morning.  So, since we each had a bit of time before our required, scheduled appointments began for the day, we decided to go on a brief outing to the Starbucks' Drive-Thru Window to each get an icy blended beverage that is almost like a milkshake (they call them  Frappuccinos).  My wife had a fully loaded caramel crunch vanilla one, and I had a super low/no fat Matcha Green Tea one.  

Unfortunately, on the drive back, my wife's vehicle started to sound odd, and I had a sinking feeling..... and I had her pull into the parking lot of the "Harbor Freight" store we were just driving by (it was closed as it was early morning).  I looked around the vehicle, and.... as I expected.... the driver's side, rear tire was flatter than a pancake.  I could even still hear a little bit of "hissing" still.  We must have just ran over something or other that successfully punctured the damn tire.  

Normally not the biggest deal in the world.... just a bit of a nuisance.  But.... because both my wife and I had scheduled, work related appointments coming up quickly..... the sight of the damn flat sent surges of all of the short-term and long-term stress hormones into my bloodstream.  Even though I know I was only imagining it, it FELT like my adrenal glands were being squeezed tightly like you do a lemon you are trying to juice (the adrenals produce the array of stress hormones).  

I began calling wrecker services because time was of the essence.  We were at least two miles from a tire repair center, I had no time to try to actually change to the tire, and my wife's vehicle has one of those damn "donut" tiny temporary tires anyway, and her vehicle was absolutely filled to the brim with things she had in the trunk and it would have taken at least half an hour to get all the stuff out and get the tire and jack and set up, let alone the actual mechanics of changing the tire which would have probably taken another 45 minutes or more, and we could not simply drive there as the tire was FULLY flat.  The first wrecker service I called said it would be at least 2.5 hours we would have to wait as there was a big accident they were responding to across town.  The second wrecker service also had the same response as they were also responding to apparently the same accident.  The third service said they were "short" staffed today and did not have anyone to come out at the moment because almost all their people had called in sick.  Finally the fourth one said it would take 20-30 minutes to get there.

We eventually got the vehicle to the repair place, and it was busy too, so I waited around outside until my turn eventually came, dropped off the keys and mentioned, reminded them that we get tires from them all the time, but that we would REALLY prefer to get the tire repaired instead of buying a new one if at all possible, since we were not planning on keeping the vehicle much longer.  They planned to call us later today when it was ready.

Fortunately, while I was inside dealing with the tire, my wife was actually able to get a hold of her brother and very surprisingly he was able to pick us up and get us back to our home. My wife quickly dressed for work (in about 2 minutes) and I ran to dress for class too.  My brother-in-law was able to drop my wife off at work, and I was able to get in front of my computer about 5 minutes before class was set to start.  

My nerves were so damn jangly by the point.  What I very, very truthfully wanted at that moment more than anything was to fill and fire up my pipe, and take several consecutive, long, deep, deep draws from the stem.  That had frequently been a helpful pattern I had for coping with the "jangly" nerves I get when I am feeling the stress of a time related requirement that becomes difficult and out of my control to fix.  I would feel a bit calmer.  I kept eyeing my bent bulldog pipe (much like the one pictured), on the rack in front of me.  I only had a minute or two before I needed to open up the video lecture, so I grabbed the little bulldog pipe and even though it was empty, I went through the "motions" of holding it in my mouth, and taking slow, deep draws from the stem.  Other than the very pleasant, "ghost taste" of the air that had gone through the stem which had acquired just a little bit of the flavor of the residue of the last pipe tobacco I had smoked in that in that bowl, it really wasn't helpful in reducing stress, and I had already guessed it wouldn't really help much.  But, I put the pipe back in the rack and proceed to turn on the video to begin lecture.  Luckily, my lecture wasn't too bad, even though I still felt "jangly" as hell, and was not in strong focus.  A few more meetings occur soon, one more lecture today, and then grading for the rest of the day.

And, I still have to run later to day to boot.  I had hoped to get that finished before the first lecture today.  I just really dislike and do not do well when the timing of my day gets all shot to hell. And, I have a stress headache as well, unfortunately.

PipeTobacco

 

This & That

 

My attempt at humor for April Fools Day here unfortunately did not go as I had thought.  I suspect I needed to have found a more enticing way for folks to WANT to click on the link I provided.  Oh well.  It was still funny to me.  :)  And, I am glad that some people DID try out the link after reading the pretend story I wrote. :)  

About three weeks ago, I was asked by my parish priest to be the reader at the Stations of the Cross service we had on Good Friday.  I have done this in the past, and I am often selected because either a) I am the only one who is willing, or b) they feel I do a good job of having a prayerful mindset and voice, strong enunciation, a clear, sonorous tone, appropriate inflection,  and good cadence.  I am *hoping* the reason is the latter.  This year, there was an especially long "Stations of the Cross" service because not only did the traditional "Stations of the Cross" readings, reflections, prayers occur, but each station also had a special additional few paragraphs written related to prayer and thought about the Covid-19 situation locally, regionally, and globally as well.  My reading and walking folks through the Stations of the Cross ended up lasting almost a full 60 minutes.  I finished just ahead of the start of Good Friday Mass.  

On Good Friday Mass, we have an especially long reading of the Passion at the Gospel where it often takes around 30 minutes or so to read.  One of the readers is our priest of course, but at this particular Gospel, he also has two other readers, a narrator, and a "regular voice".  The priest's role is to be the voice of Jesus.  The "regular voice" is a small part with perhaps 5-10 lines, and my wife was the "regular voice" this time.  The narrator is the majority of the speaking role.  Father also asked me to be the narrator (I have done this before as well).   So, by the end of Mass at closing in on around 2:45, my voice was a bit tired.   But, overall, Good Friday felt very spiritual, very helpful, and put my mind in a spiritual mode.  It was good to be back (with safety, masking, social distancing).  Last year at Good Friday, we were in lockdown.

PipeTobacco

My Kind of Team!

I really enjoyed this story I found:

(API) Man of Many Letters,  August 13, 2018

Like for many a young man, sports were an important and life affirming aspect of a well-rounded high school experience.  

"I earned myself five different varsity letters back in my day." quipped Ernest Baskin, 88, as he looked at an old photograph of him wearing his varsity jacket from high school.

Like millions of students across the nation to this day, a significant right of passage in high school is to have the opportunity to earn a varsity letter in some sport or avocation.  Most of the varsity letters kids earn these days revolve around sports like football, or basketball.  Still other varsity letters commonly are awarded to youngsters who cheer or play in their high school band.  

But, back in Ernest's day, there was additional diversity in varsity letters that could be earned, many of which could not be seen in this current age.  

"I earned me my letters in football, baseball, band, bailing, and pipe smoking." 

Bailing?!?  Pipe smoking?!?!?!?!

Yes, while not seen today, back in the rural south, it was not uncommon to have team "sports" for some genuinely interesting pursuits that could not exist today.  Ernest, was a vital member of the many teams listed above in his time as a member of the Tompkinsville Trojans High School student body.  His effort on the bailing team, where he earned his letter in his junior year, was as you may expect, a "hay raising" experience.  The Thompkinsville team, along with rivals bailers from high schools in Paducha, Raywick, and  Muldraugh would compete weekly through the Fall in timed races to produce as many full-sized bails of hay as possible.  

"I remember us winning the league my senior year, where's we got ourselves to making 83 bails by the last inning." Ernest recalled wistfully, "We damn near broke every record that year!"

But, it is perhaps the pipe smoking letter that is the most unique letter Ernest earned.  Kentucky, of course, is one of the Southern states where tobacco was king for a lot of years.  And,  in smaller towns like Tomkinsville and Paducha, where agriculture, especially of tobacco, was each town's claim to fame and economic stability, it seems it was only natural to those town's school boards of the day to create competitive pipe smoking teams. Ernest said there were four different high schools in his region who competed with pipe smoking teams.

"I recall how nerved up I'd get before a meet, as I was captain of our team, and it was important for me to lead the other fellows along, " he recalled, "I had to make sure we had enough matches, and pipe cleaners for competition as well."

On competition day, the nervous lads would be on one side of a long table facing their rivals (especially worrisome were the matches against the Paducha Panthers).  At the umpire’s command, they would open their pouches,  pipes in hand, matches on the table before them and begin to fill and light their pipes.  Back in the day, there were no female pipe smokers allowed on the team, but there were a few young ladies who took a shining to these sportsmen and would cheer them on.

"Mary Ellen was my girl back then, and she'd always come to the meets to cheer me on."

(the story continues below)

* * * * 

I believe I would have truly excelled on that team!

You can read more of the story and see some really great pictures HERE.

PipeTobacco