Pipes & Trucks

As you can see from the listing at the bottom, yesterday was another successful day in my refraining from my pipe and pipe tobaccos.  Yet, that is not the full picture.  I have had minimal cravings, and minimal thoughts about my pipes and pipe tobaccos since I began SOPS V2 other than on the Friday in which I indulged and for a bit on the following Saturday morning. 

That changed a bit yesterday afternoon and evening.  Unfortunately, after I left the U, I decided wanted to drive a long distance yesterday and decided to deliver some big, bulky pieces of furniture to a distant relative.  So, after getting off campus yesterday, I stopped at home and switched out vehicles for my old, comfortably ratty, pleasantly unkempt, reliable-as-hell, pickup instead of my primary vehicle. My truck is wonderful in every regard, and it is the only vehicle where I still allow myself the privileged of being able to smoke my pipe in while I am driving.  Driving the truck, shifting through the gears, while holding a warm pipe either in my palm or between my teeth seems as natural to me as walking or breathing. 

But, unfortunately, yesterday (Wednesday) was not deemed a special occasion pipe smoking day, and no matter how I tried to figure out something to "celebrate" as a special occasion so I could indulge, it really would have only been a lie to myself, and I damn well knew it.

So, even though it still felt melancholic to a degree, I tried the best thing I could think of to do... I grabbed one of my pipes that were in the truck, knocked out any stray ashes that were remaining in the bowl, and held the pipe as I drove, sometimes in my palm, other times I held the stem of it with my teeth.

It was nice, in a minor, limited sort of way.  But, I stuck to my plan, and finished the trip and did ok.

By the way, the truck up above in the image is NOT mine, although I wish it were.  If I could find a nice version and vintage of the truck up in this salt infested region, I would buy it in a minute.  I always really liked the Jeep pickup of that era.  My pickup is a wonderful old Chevy... which is great, but not quite as great as a Jeep.   

Today's (Thursday's) Goal = 0 bowls 
Wednesday's [1/30] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 0 bowls

Walking Day 1593 / SOPS Day7

PipeTobacco

Just To Let You Know

Today is a busy day for me at the U.  So, my post here will be brief.  Yet, I must comment on how dissappointing it is when I have 11 comments to find that only 5 of the 11 are ones that are appropriate to leave in place as they are pertaining to my essay or something of ancillary relevance. 

My ego is fragile enough as it is most days.  I look forward to comments that are on task.

PipeTobacco 

Today's (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls 
Tuesday's [1/29] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 0 bowls


Walking Day 1592 / SOPS Day 6

Admonishments / WDay 1591 / SDay 5

This seems a day that is appropriate for admonishments.  So here they go all around for a lot of folks:

1.  I admonish myself for not being particularly patient.  I dislike that about myself and I wish to change.

2.  I admonish myself for getting angry too readily and too often.  I too wish to change that about myself.

3.  I admonish myself for being too damn lazy.  I need to step up my efforts in damn  near everything in my life to be better than I am.

4.  I admonish myself for not being forgiving enough.  I should be able to be forgiving to people who have hurt me in my life, but it is something that does not come naturally to me.  I struggle with this a great deal.  I cannot seem to consistently get past some of these hurts, even though I can tell myself until I am blue in the face that a) the hurt and resentment only CONTINUES to hurt me, and b) I should be a bigger person than I am and be able to forgive.

****************************

Today will be day 5 of my implementation of SOPS V2.  I am still going to be on somewhat "shaky" ground with this effort until the number is large enough that it has enough impact and meaning for me to want to avoid going back to day "zero" again.  Day 5 is going to help me get to that larger number,  so I am keeping that in my mind today, even though I know in my soul that 5 days aren't a whole helluva lot and I could indulge and just start again.  But, I need to keep in my mind that a) I have a potential special occasion coming up this Friday, and b) if I were to indulge in a pipe or two today, all that would happen is that it will take me that much longer to get to a real number that has meaning and impact to help me on this goal.

I could not find my stopwatch at home this morning, so I tried to judge my speed for the mile on the track today.  I *think* I ran the mile in 7minutes and 15 seconds.  I am happy with that, but want to check with a real stopwatch sometime later this week.  Of course, the indoor running and weight training DOES NOT eliminate my walking 5 miles outside every day.  On that walking score, today is day 1591.

 ****************************

Further Admonitions:

First.... I really do not wish to use the rather limited time I have to be dealing with moderating the comments on my blog.  I am 100% fine with anyone commenting to me, even in crude ways, about my writing, my behavior, or my actions.  So, you may have free reign at that.  I will let hurtful things slide if they happen, and I will accept positive and helpful comments if any are given.  So, please realize that is not an issue for me at all.

However, I am asking for your help in not badgering other commenters here on this site.   First off, I want to tell you that BBC is a VERY good and VERY strong Internet friend of mine, and do not want my comments section to become a place where he feels badgered or hurt.  To the best of my ability, I will be eliminating comments that are hurtful to him.    ALT-F, I have grown to appreciate your comments and wit towards me, and I thank you for them.  To the best of my ability, I will be eliminating comments that I perceive as hurtful towards you as well.  Anonymous (who may or may not be Leslie), I too have appreciated your comments towards me, and I have found insight in several things you have mentioned towards me.  To the best of my ability, I will be eliminating comments that I perceive as hurtful towards you as well.  Therefore, the following admonitions can be given and I ask you to take them in the spirit intended:

5.  I ask all of you who comment here.... you may say whatever the hell you want to or about me positive or negative.  But, I ask you kindly to not badger each other. 

6  I ask all of you who comment here.... please help to make my life a little bit more friendly and a little bit easier.... treat each other with gentleness and respect.  You do not have to treat me that way, but I need for you to treat each other that way.  If you cannot treat each other with gentleness and respect, please simply ignore those you cannot do this for.

PipeTobacco 

Today's (Tuesday's) Goal = 0 bowls 
Monday's [1/29] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Monday) = 0 bowls

Angry Birds

I am feeling a bit angry this morning, but hopefully things will get better.  I ran a mile at the indoor track on Sunday in addition to my 5 mile walk outside.  I did not yet time the mile, but in glancing at the clock, I think I *might* be doing an 8 minute mile.  If I get up enough courage to actually time myself, I might do so this Friday. 

Today's (Monday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Sunday's [1/27] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Sunday) = 0 bowls

A Day of Rest - Ha!

I am too damn busy for my own good today. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Sunday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Saturday's [1/26] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Friday) = 0  bowls

Snow and More Snow

We had a fairly decent amount of snow begin to fall yesterday afternoon.  At first, I was concerned because I have roughly an hour's drive to go across the county to get to my in-laws.  But, I was just careful and meandered out there a bit more slowly.  It was a nice afternoon.  I thouroughly enjoyed my three bowls of pipe tobacco, and am now ready to refrain until the next opportunity for a SOPS V.2 day arises.  This may be next Friday.   So, I am still on the path to have the number of days of success in a row increase.  I did what I said I would do on Friday, so even though that day does not add to my total, it does not negate my running streak.  Even though at this time, a one day running streak is not a whole helluva lot.  But, in a month or two, the number will become large enough that it will help me to not fall off the wagon, just like my walking number (being near 1600) is a strong motivator to keep on keeping on with the routine. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Saturday's) Goal = 0 bowls

Friday's [1/25] Goal = 3 bowls
Actual consumption (Friday) = 3  bowls

1

Well, I made it through the first day of SOPS V.2, and it was pretty straight forward.  I really think this "number thing" may be just the ticket I need for consistency.  In SOPS V.2, I am aiming to garner an ever increasing number of sequential days in a row of not smoking my pipe except on special predesignated occasions.   Today shall be one of those days as I will go visit my elderly father-in-law for an enjoyable afternoon.  I get to keep an ever increasing number of successful days in a row, if I only indulge on the special occasion days.  The special occasion day will not ADD to my total number of successful days.  But if I indulge on a non-special occasion day, I will have my total number of successful days in a row go back to zero. 

Today's (Friday's) Goal = 3 bowls
Thursday's [1/24] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 0  bowls

SOPS V.2 - Incentivize

I have been thinking the last few days about my pipe smoking again.  Here is a brief summary of what has been going on in my mind:

1.  I have decided to become a Special Occasion Pipe Smoker (SOPS).  This means that on certain pre-approved occasions I can have a pipe, or two or three.  These would typically be at a visit with my elderly father-in-law (typically once a week or once every other week), or when attending a wedding reception or potentially a graduation party, etc.

2.  In SOPS V.1 (version 1), I found I was fairly successful in not smoking my pipes when I deemed it not appropriate.  In my calculation of that time, I was roughly 94% successful.

3.  When I was successful, I was feeling motivated to do SOPS.

4.  I have now gone back to smoking my pipe, albeit at roughly only 30% of my former rate.

5.  The difference is that I simply do not feel the same motivation to do SOPS.

Why?

I am not sure why, however, what I am sure of is that  I can tell you a variety of things about my experience going back to daily pipe smoking:

1.  I can notice I do not feel as good as when I was practicing SOPS.  Things  I feel that I dislike include a return of the phlegmy feeling in my chest,   my skin (especially my face and hands) feels exceptionally dry like it had before, I feel more tired, I feel more general aches and pains.

2.  When I was practicing SOPS at the 94% rate, I felt I slept better, my skin felt far less dry, I lost the phlegmy feeling in my chest, and I jogged far more easily. 

Now, it *may* be that *some* of the greater positives I felt during SOPS were due to the fact that they occurred between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Perhaps I was "giddy with holiday spirit".  It is possible, but in reality I do not think the holiday spirit contributed to my positive feelings.  I think they were REAL physical feelings that were positive.

So, why am I smoking my pipes (albeit at 30% of the former rate)?    It all boils down to motivation, I believe.  I somehow lost my motivation.  It started with Christmas Eve and Day, and from that point, my motivation was rocky, if not absent ever since. 

So, what to do? 

I think I need to adopt SOPS Version 2.  And, for V2 to work, I am going to try to (prepare for the horridly wretched, nearly pop cultural, almost Orwellian term) "incentivize" my efforts.  I apparently was able to "incentivize" myself with walking, because (I just counted) today is the 1,586th day in a row where I walked OUTSIDE, for roughly 5 miles, regardless of weather, holiday, health, or anything.  The walking effort has been so successful that I have expanded to jogging and regular weight training at the gym.

Why has walking been successful? 

It was not because I felt better (I felt better with SOPS V1), it was not that I lost weight (I have not gained or lost weight during SOPS V1).  I am firmly convinced that the reason why I have kept up with the walking for EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY for 1,586 days is because of the NUMBER!  I was motivated to keep the number going higher (instead of back to zero) even when I was sick, even when I did not want to walk, even when I forgot sometimes until 10 o'clock at night.  The growing number MOTIVATED me.

So, today, I begin SOPS V2.  My goals are the same.... to only smoke 1, 2, or 3 bowls of pipe tobacco ONLY during a predesignated special occasion.  These would typically be at a visit with my elderly father-in-law (typically once a week or once every other week), or when attending a wedding reception or potentially a graduation party, etc.

I will keep a running tally of the number of days of my success in a row with SOPS V2 without screwing up.  I remember when I started walking, I did not feel much in the way of "number motivation" until I hit 30 days in a row without missing a day.  Then I started thinking that I just *MIGHT* be able to get to 50, then 100, etc until I am where I am now at 1586.

I am wondering if the number game would work for me in SOPS V2 as well?  I cannot really state why the increasing number motivates me, but it does.  So, I am going to give it a try.

I am starting today with SOPS V2.  I am thinking about whether or not I should count as a success day, the days when I smoke my pipe on an approved day?  At this time, I am thinking that I *should* count that day  because I still did what I said I would do.  But, on the other than, perhaps I should only count those days when I abstain, and give myself a pass on the days when I smoke my pipe ON AN APPROVED day?    The pass would allow me to keep my number rising as an indication of success.

I am not sure which numbering system I shall adopt.  But, I do know that today is day #1 of SOPS V.2.

PipeTobacco

Today's (Thursday's) Goal = 0 bowls
(the official start of SOPS V.2)

Wednesday's [1/23] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 5  bowls

Cold

It is extremely cold here.  Actual temperatures are below zero most mornings. I have recorded -4 and -5 degrees (F) on my thermometer.  The wind chill is often -30 to  - 35 degrees (F) (for my Celsius oriented friends, this should state..... I have recorded -20 and -21 actual degrees C on my thermometer.  The wind chill is often -35 to - 38 degrees C).

It has been very busy lately as well.  Fortunately (knock on wood), at this time the "horrific hellions" that made my life exceptionally unpleasant last week have been kept at bay.

It is too damn cold for much of anything fun outside.  I do continue to walk my five miles every morning, but I am quite bundled up.  I am somewhere close to 1600 days in a row now.  I will have to figure it out to the day again.

On the pipe front, I have been lazy.  I am not really trying right now, much to my own chagrin.  I am not sure why.  The anger I had last week really wiped me out, and the cold has wiped me out.  My mental focus is limited.

January is usually a challenge like this, but with the nastiness of the "horrific hellions" leaving a bitter residue still in my mouth, it feels more tiresome and I feel more fatalistic than usual.  I will think about that today more and try to fix myself up to be better.  This may be the subject of Thursday's essay.

PipeTobacco


Today's (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls

Tuesday's [1/22] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 4  bowls

Monday's [1/21] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Monday) = 3 bowls

Sunday's [1/20] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Sunday) = 3 bowls

Saturday's [1/19] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Saturday) = 3 bowls

Friday's [1/18] Goal = 2 bowls
Actual consumption (Friday) = 3 bowls

Thursday's [1/17] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 3 bowls

Annoying Idiots and B*llsh*t

Sadly, what started out as a great week went to hell quickly.  A few people at the U who shall remain nameless were being their annoying selves to a level that approaches infinity.  I have been dealing with a huge plethora of problems and issues they have caused, and (fingers crossed) have fixed things back up into something that is acceptable to me and to the people who need these issues to be normal and resolved.  When the sh*t hit the fan late Tuesday, I basically said "to hell" with my pipe refraining plans for a few days.  I still am lower than my unmeasured rate, but it is not where I want to be.  Today is a scheduled pipe day, so I have left that in as usual. 

I am too exhausted from this week's b*llsh*t to write much more at this time.  Hopefully, I can return to a sense of normalcy during this weekend.  The image I selected shows the sort of frustration I have been feeling most of the week.  The money is not meant to represent actual money in my case, but instead depicts the stiff costs of what it is I have lost during this process... time, mental tranquility, contentment, and happiness.  I will be working to restore those things to my life now that the storm may have passed in this innane "crisis" that occurred.

PipeTobacco

Today's (Friday's) Goal = 2 bowls

Thursday's [1/17] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 4  bowls

Wednesday's [1/16] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 4 bowls

Tuesday's [1/15] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 4  bowls

Monday's [1/14] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Monday) = 0 bowls

Sunday's [1/13] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Sunday) = 0 bowls

Saturday's [1/12] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Saturday) = 0 bowls

Friday's [1/11] Goal = 2 bowls

Actual consumption (Friday) = 3 bowls

Thursday's [1/10] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 0 bowls

Grouchy and Angry

I am feeling grouchy and angry today, so it is best that I not talk at the moment.  So this is, unfortunately it.

One brief note, my sister is celebrating her 37th Wedding Anniversary today.  I am happy for her and her and my brother-in-law.

PipeTobacco

Today's (Thursday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/9] (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 2 bowls

Tuesday's [1/8] Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 1 bowl

Learning and Growing

Not a whole helluva lot to say today other than I am learning and growing.  We ended up getting a flu vaccine yesterday, which was a good idea... we had just forgotten about it when we SHOULD have done it around Thanksgiving.  It would have been easier and quicker.  At this time of the year, in our region, the only place that still has it is the Public Health Department.  Because of this, instead of a five minute adventure like it would have been in November, became a 2.5 hour wait.  But, even though it was hot in the PHD, and more crowded than the scenes in Soylent Green, it was worth it to get the vaccine.  Although I must admit I felt rather like Edward G. Robinson's character, Sol Roth in that very noteworthy science fiction film. 

I admit to being a bit aggravated and frustrated after the long wait, and so I smoked my pipe, and again decided to put it away after less than a minute of smoking.  It was just not the stress relief or aggravation relief I had wanted it to be.  I still think, although I smoked briefly, that I did well yesterday, and I again think I learned a great deal.  Again, keep in mind that a normal pipe for me extends well into the 20+ minute range, so this was quite minor.  But it counts as 1 bowl. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Tuesday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/7] (Monday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Monday) = 1 bowl

Ambiguity

I did not accomplish my goal of zero bowls of pipe tobacco consumed yesterday.  I *do* think the lack of structure had something to do with it (like on Saturday), but in reality, I was simply feeling quite ambiguous about the whole thing for some reason yesterday. It was very odd, and not really my normal behavior at all.  Neither of the two bowls were consumed in a typical fashion for me, either.  I only smoked each time for perhaps a little less than a minute.  Normally when I smoke a pipe, it is a long affair, which can last 15-20 minutes on average, but if I try, I can often have a bowl last 45 minutes or so.

So, Here is a brief synopsis of my day and how my behavior was rather atypical for me in many respects:

I felt virtually no cravings for my pipe or pipe tobacco the entire day.  I walk outside to cool off a bit, because the house was rather warm in the later afternoon.  I reach into my winter coat and there is one of my pipes and pouch.  I still felt no desire or craving.   I walk around a bit.  I then begin to fill the bowl of the pipe with crumbles of tobacco from my pouch.  Yet, I am not feeling any desire, cravings, or even anticipation.  I stick the filled pipe back into my pocket and continue to meander around a bit.  I find the lack of anticipation especially odd.

A few more minutes pass, and I purposefully take out the pipe from my pocket and ignight the leaf in the bowl.  I smoke for a minute or so, and no positive, nor any negative effects or emotions.  No cravings fullfilled, no desire that becomes satiated, no gentle massaging of the neurons in my brain, no feelings of contentment, no feeling of my mind being awashed with the beauty of the nicotine.  But also no phlegmy feeling in my lungs, no feelings of failure (from not doing what I said I would do), nor any insight into myself or my behavior.

After a bit less than a minute, I quit actively smoking the pipe, and the flame dies out in the bowl rather quickly.  Still no physical or emotional effects for me, positive or negative.  So odd, and not like me at all.

Then, late in the evening, before I go to bed, I step outside, relight this same pipe again, and see if anything is different.  Nope, still the same, no positive or negative effects or emotions.  I smoke for barely a minute, and then I knock the bowl of the pipe against the heel of my shoe, allowing the ashes to fall out onto the snowy path I am standing on.  I see the scattering of red embers go out in only a few moments as they are being cooled by the wet snow covering the ground.

So, I am not really sure what, if anything to make of my Sunday experience.  Perhaps it simply is?  Who knows.  I sure as hell do not know.

Today (Monday) seems like it should be easy to accomplish my goal.  But who knows.  I still feel rather ambiguous.

I figured it out mathematically last night, and EVEN WITH THE BUMPS, GLITCHES, AND FAILURES  I have had (on Saturdays and the few days around Christmas), since November 26th, the start of my new "special occasion pipe smoking" endeavor, I have decreased my pipe smoking by 94%

Damn, 94% is a lot.  It would typically be a percentage where I would give a student of mine an "A" grade.  It is one percentage point shy the standard "p" value (often written p-value or probability value) for statistical significance in most science research.

Still, I do not know what to think.  I do not feel any positive or negative emotions about the number either.  I think I am going to go home fairly early this afternoon and maybe work on organizing my garage some.  It is disorganized as hell at the moment, and since it is a bit warmer today than in the last several, it would be pretty nice to be outside some more today.

Oh, the painting above is by a great artist named Yuri Tremler.  Some of his work was on display at the U a while back and I remember it fondly.  The particular image I show above is one entitled "Ambiguity".   
  
PipeTobacco

Today's (Monday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/5] (Sunday's) Goal = 0  bowls
Actual consumption (Sunday) = 2 bowls

Derailed by the Saturday Train

At first glance, you can see at the bottom of this post that I FAILED in my day's goal yesterday, and smoked my pipe two times.  Yet, for some reason, I am not particularly angst ridden about it (This is rather especially unfathomable to me, for I usually am a very harsh critic of myself.).  I am seeing a pattern here.  The pattern is that I tend to not succeed at my day's goal in pipe smoking when I have less structured time.  Ever since I began this journey, I have had failures on Saturday, the most unstructured day of my week.  I also had failures around the four days at Christmas.... also highly unstructured days. 

I find this information quite valuable to me in understanding myself better.  And I think understanding more why I do what I do will help me figure out ways to instead of doing simply what I do.... I will be able to develop skills where I do more of what I want to do. 

I accept the failure, but I am trying to learn from it and figure it out to help me fail less in the future.  And, I have to keep in mind also that I only smoked at most, 25% of what I would have typically smoked if I had been just "doing what I do".   This old dog is learning something, I guess I could say.   

PipeTobacco

Today's (Sunday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/5] (Saturday's) Goal = 0  bowls
Actual consumption (Saturday) = 2 bowls

Bringing It Down

Even though I was still not in a great mood yesterday afternoon, I decided to try to make it better.  I took my trusty old truck, and I transported two chairs we were giving to my sister-in-law all the way across the county to her home for her, and then I went and visited my elderly father-in-law.  It was very nice to relax and talk with him.  I am glad I went. 

Today will be a day of taking down Christmas decorations.

PipeTobacco

Today's (Saturday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/4] (Friday's) Goal = 2  bowls
Actual consumption (Friday) = 2 bowls

Disgruntled

I feel out of sorts at the moment.  I do not feel like doing anything.  I had planned on today being a "special pipe smoking occasion" by going to visit my elderly father-in-law.  But, I do not know if I will do that.  If I do not go visit him, my pipe consumption will be 0. 

Why am I out of sorts?  It is too long of a story to try to go into here at the moment.  Let's just say that I had a disagreement with someone and it has left me exhausted and annoyed.  It should eventually dissipate.  We shall see. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Friday's) Goal = 2, or perhaps 0

Yesterday's [1/3] (Thursday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 0 bowls

Lincoln

My wife and I went to see the Steven Spielberg film, Lincoln, today.  It was quite good.  The story line was minimally about the Civil War, and mostly about the politics behind getting the Amendment to the Constitution passed to end slaverly.  It was well done.  I am not sure about how accurate the story, but it seemed plausable and was and very enjoyable.  If you are a film fan, I would recommend seeing it. 

Of added bonus for me concerning the film, was the backdrop being the mid to late 1800's.  This is a time period I enjoy watching, and I have been told on occasion because of my own appearance (beard, moustache, tweed sport coats, etc), that I "sort of" fit in with that time period.  Additionally, there was a great deal of cigar and pipe smoking in the film, which surprisingly was HELPFUL for me in my efforts to continue to refrain other than on special occasions.   It was enjoyable seeing the time portrayed when smoking was just something people did or did not do.  It was not a social, political, health issue for everyone like it often feels today. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Thursday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/2] (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 0 bowls

So, Sow, Sew

I am just trying to keep at what I am suppossed to be doing. 

For New Year's Eve, my wife and I had our usual ritual that originated long ago during the first New Year's Eve after we began dating.  We shared a bottle of wine, some cheese, hummus, and some pita bread.  And then we wrote out our "Hopes & Dreams" for the upcoming year.  Looking back across all these years of writings always brings back a lot of memories and nostalgia.

At midnight, I smoked what I am hoping to be my last unstructured and unplanned for bowls of pipe tobacco.  As of that time, I am officially back "on the clock" so to speak, where I am aiming towards being the "special occasion pipe smoker" that is my goal.  

Thus far, I am doing adequately, and I am accomplishing my goal.  I have had cravings, but have been keeping them fairly at bay by trying to keep busy with other things.  There were one or two times today when I had a deeper craving, and I started to think about how "unfair" it was that I could not smoke my pipe, when I sat their and forced myself to realize how damn stupid I was being in thinking that things were "unfair" because of that unimportant little issue.  I worked to put it in perspective with REAL hardship that so many people face and I felt like a fool.   This kick in the hind-quarters that I gave myself, helped me to refocus. 

PipeTobacco

Today's (Wednesday's) Goal = 0

Yesterday's [1/1] (Tuesday's) Goal = 0  bowls
Actual consumption (Tuesday) = 0 bowls

Monday's [12/31] Goal = 2  bowls
Actual consumption (Monday) = 5 bowls

Sunday's [12/30] Goal = 2  bowls
Actual consumption (Sunday) = 4 bowls