Crumple

 

Today became far more busy than its already typically hyper-busy Tuesday.  More issues regarding students who have received special "accommodations" from our U's Disability Office.  But, it is especially frustrating as it a) again concerns students who have "qualified" for extra time and "prompt cards" (aka "cheat sheets"), b) again also concerns students who have "qualified" to take their exam in an isolated spot without other students, and c) and it includes a laboratory practical exam taught by one of my adjunct instructors IN THE LABORATORY that is scheduled with back-to-back lab sessions all damn day, every day.  

TO ADD the CHERRY onto the top of this situation.... the student notified us TODAY, with her lab's exam being set for Thursday.  They are supposed to notify us of these requests for accommodations at least two weeks ahead of an exam.... but the damn Disability Office will not enforce that rule.... and in fact... has told several of us in the Department that if we refuse to allow these "accommodations" even at less than the two week ahead of time notification, that they will not support us if the student becomes litigious. 

Now... again, PLEASE keep in mind that I support rights for the disabled, support rights for all those with issues.  BUT, dammit, it is a) NOT legitimate to have a cheat sheet, and b) it is NOT appropriate or possible to have hundreds and hundreds of students requesting exams in isolation, especially not for lab practical exams. 

* * * * * 

• Ran 10 miles (~16km).
• PCS = 8.  

PipeTobacco

 

Bit of a Mistake

 

Yesterday, when I was writing about my journey in Chicago, I accidentally hit publish even though I had planned to write a bit more.  You can even see what I published left off mid-sentence.  That was not intentional, so I apologize.  

When I accidentally published prematurely, I thought perhaps it was an indication that I really should get back to work... which is what I did....grading a HUGE array of papers that had accumulated across all of my classes.  I still have a few left before the next onslaught of papers arrive.  So, today will be brief (hah, unintended but recognized pun):

• I was especially tired last night, having been grading so much during the day until ~6:30pm.  I ended up oversleeping a bit after my alarm light and clanging alarm sounded.... so I ended up only being able to get in 10.3 miles (~16.5 km) this morning at the track before I had to leave to get ready for the U day. 
• On this past Saturday, my wife and I splured and were able to go see a bit of an "art" film.  It was one we had seen previews for before the pandemic, and it finally arrived here.  It is entitled "Marcel the Shell with Shoes On".  It was an animated film.  It was a pleasantly gentle, happy, whimsical film.  We were both very happy to have been able to see it.  The link takes you to the movie's trailer on YouTube.  
• PCS = 8.5.... with my tiredness today, I have often when I felt this way in the past, enjoyed the seemingly impossible... to people not familiar with the joys of a pipe....  but believe me that it is true..... the truthfully beautiful dual simultaneously invigorating and simultaneously relaxing aspects of enjoying a bowl of pipe tobacco.  Today would be a perfect fit for experiencing that dual impact.  

PipeTobacco

Bon Vieux Temps - D

Believe me, I know this description of my Chicago trip should have been something I would have fully gotten onto paper far, far long ago.  I do very much prefer to try to live a life that is far more linear and consistent than my life happens to be of late.  But, the way chaos sometimes looms around these parts..... or perhaps I should say.... the way chaos can sometimes throw me off track into far too many tangential routes..... is not something I have figured out how to regulate better.  My apologies.

When I last was writing of this wonderful trip I had to Chicago (if anyone is interested, it was a post I finished on December 29th).  I had been talking and looking around inside the beautiful Iwan Ries & Company shop.... an amazing, traditional, brings back so many memories kind of tobacconist and pipe shop.... and the fellow in the shop I had been talking with had offered me the opportunity to sample a bowlful of the beautiful, aromatic Ries "Three Star Blue" pipe tobacco.  Here is the last of that post, before I continue:

He paused again for a moment (he was talking about the single smoking violation citation the store received).  "But that was the only one we ever got, and I think it happened the first week of that ban.  But it was dismissed.  We're the only store on the second floor, so no one really cares.  Hell, we have several of Chicago's Finest who are loyal customers, and they smoke their pipes or cigars here like everyone else."

Reaching up toward the top of the counter, he tipped the glass sampling canister containing the loose "Three Star Blue"  towards me.  "Try a bowlful before you buy."

* * * * *

The idea of actually trying a bowlful of the beautifully scented leaf was something that I truly did want to do.  I had thought that it was not going to be possible, so I had actually relegated it to the back of my mind, however.  Now, with the option open again, I was unprepared for making the choice.

If I did try it, it would be the first bowl of pipe tobacco I had smoked in nearly five years.  Would it be as wonderful and delightful as I hoped?  Or, would it be mundane, or worse yet..... unpleasant?  And, if I DID try it, would it be akin to failure on my part in terms of what I said I would do?  Or, would it be simply a bowlful of pipe tobacco to enjoy?  Would I feel remorse if I did indulge?   Would it be a slippery slope.... akin to an alcoholic falling off the wagon?  If I did smoke a bowlful, would I no longer have the fortitude or resolve to refrain again after this bowlful? 

I did not know the answer to any of the above questions.  They all came into my mind like a flood of water, obliterating other thoughts.  

I must have been lost in thought for several moments, as the storekeep, still holding the tilted jar towards me, jiggled the jar a little bit indicating by the motion that I should make a decision of some sort.  

I brought my hand, holding onto my pipe towards the jar.  Reaching inside the jar with my paw, my index finger moved in the natural arcs I had done so many thousands of times before, and I was able to expertly and easily fill the bowl of my pipe with a loosely firm supply of the leaf.  It was truly second nature to me, even not having done so in so many years.  

I stuck the stem of the pipe into my mouth, thinking I could possibly just walk to another part of the room and look at some of the other pipes on display, and contemplate my ultimate choice.  As I started to turn, he gave me a box of the store's matches.  

I walked over to the display of the estate pipes for sale.  There were many beautiful pipes there, several were of a similar brand and style to what I had at home.  Still holding the stem of the pipe between my teeth, I pushed the little blue box open, and saw the matches.  They were rather quite delicate.  Each wooden stick was significantly thinner than the typical kitchen match, and instead of a large red or green head, these matches had a rather small, bluish head on them.  

I immediately recognized that these matches were "Swan Vista" matches, which are considered to be especially high quality matches.  They tend to be prefered by pipe smokers because they

All I Can Do

As I was working on my computer late in the afternoon yesterday, I was looking around a bit at YouTube for some videos that would be good supplements for me to post to students regarding some facets of circadian rhythm development and the physiology behind the neural circuitry of the endogenous pacemaker in the brain.  I found a reasonably good rodent wheel-running video that was reasonably successful at being robust enough to be linked to my broader discussion of circadian rhythms.  

But, on YouTube, I have some sort of "interest feed" set up that suggests various videos I MAY like related to my past searches.  I get all sorts of biology videos that pop-up of course, but I also get an array of videos in this feed related to all sorts of pipe related topics, various other topics.... and musical interests of mine as well.... bass clarinet and saxophone videos, jazz videos, classical music videos, pop music videos (from the 1960s and 1970s predominately) folk music videos, etc.  

Well, on my "interest feed" a suggested video that popped up was of a documentary of the musical group "The Carpenters" that I had NOT previously seen.  I have always been a big fan of "The Carpenters" and besides listening to their music, I have watched a large array of documentaries about them and also read several books about their life and times.  But, this particular video documentary was one I had not ever seen before.  I believe it was produced by the BBC, which helped to explain why I had not had prior access to this video (it is often difficult in the US to obtain the MANY BBC programs I know about and would like to view, let alone ones I do not know about).  

So, I decided to play this documentary on YouTube.... and LISTEN to it, as I still had work to do on the computer.  But, I thought it would be enjoyable to hear in the background as I worked on PowerPoints, wrote drafts of some upcoming research talks, graded a bit, and a few other things before I was able to leave for the day.

So, I was casually listening to the documentary while working..... I know a sizable amount of The Carpenters history from the other documentaries and books I have perused..... but it was interesting to hear the details from a British perspective as well.  As I continued to work, the documentary then proceeded to play a Carpenter's song I HAD NEVER HEARD BEFORE!!!!!  And, it was, in my opinion, beyond amazing!!!!!!   

The Carpenters "sound" for which they are famous can be classified as "easy listening" and often as "soft pop" music.  And, I greatly appreciate and respect their famous body of work.  BUT... this heretofore heard song on the documentary..... was WONDERFULLY DIFFERENT from any other Carpenters song I had known of.  It was an early demo recording before they were "The Carpenters" but were instead going by the name of either "Spectrum" or sometimes "The Richard Carpenter Trio".  The song is called "All I Can Do" and is not "easy listening" in style.  Instead it is:

• somewhat of a Jazz song.... it has a lot of Jazz components
• somewhat of a 60s Psychedelia song.... it features some classic 60s "organ fuzz" sounds.
• a rapid, upbeat tempo song (most Carpenter songs are ballads, and often slow ballads).  
• a song of rapid, very interesting lyrics by Karen as well!
  

I emphatically URGE you to click on the link below to hear this song on YouTube.  I apologize that there is some sort of ad that will play first (but you can exit out of that after a few seconds before the ad is finished).  It is the only way I know to post this here.  But IT IS (in my opinion) VERY, VERY WORTH LISTENING TO!!!!!  

All I Can Do  - 1967 Demo by Spectrum/The Richard Carpenter Trio/The Carpenters

I am amazed and in awe of this song!  Certain songs just capture my attention so much.  After the documentary was finished, I went searching just for the song itself.  I must have replayed the YouTube video at least 20 times in my office yesterday listening each time to hear different nuances of the song.  

Although I love the "traditional" Carpenters music.... I would have ALSO relished them making more music in this vein as well!  The song was written by their friend and long-time collaborator, John Bettis and arranged by Richard Carpenter.  

The lyrics are pure 60s songwriting:

All I Can Do

Yesterday, I thought you'd stay, I thought you'd see things my way
But now I see my hope's maybe dead

 
I should have known when you said I was the one that you wanted
Wanting meant nothing more than today

 

All I can do is cry over you and hope you return someday
All I can do is cry over you ever since you've gone away

 

Every road that I follow leaves me with no tomorrow

 I need someone to show me the way (ba-ba-ahh, ba-ba-ahh)

 

All I can do is cry over you and hope you return someday
All I can do is cry over you ever since you've gone away

 

Finding this song made my day yesterday!!!!  So wonderful!

 

* * * * * 

• Not sure about running today yet..... we did get a huge amount of snow, and thus far the U is closed until at least noon.  Keeping fingers crossed it may be all day as I have an exam to give that was scheduled for 1pm.... and if they reopen at noon, I will get a helluva lot of students who still cannot get in to take the exam and it will be chaos.  
• PCS = 7.  Just a little less today.  Still strong cravings.  But, just not quite as intense as the 8 of the last several days.  
• If I am granted the afternoon off from the U as well due to this snowstorm.... I am going to try to finish my writing about the wonderful Chicago trip.  If I am able to do so, I will try to get it up and published on Friday.

PipeTobacco

Big Snow

 

Not long after I wrote yesterday, I went home to take my dog to her Veterinary appointment.   Her appointment was successful. As she is a terrier breed, she displays unbounded energy and excitement in "new to her" venues.  And, since she had not been to the Veterinarian's Office in a while.... it was a definite "new to her" experience.  She acted completely crazy and barked and sniffed around like usual at these visits.  I always apologize to the Veterinarians because of her intensity while there, explaining that she is very much more well-behaved at home.  They usually laugh and say it is just the nature of her breed.  At the Veterinarian's office, she unfortunately had to receive FOUR shots and also had a single blood draw as well.  Today, because my wife did not have to work, our dog is resting with my wife who is monitoring her responses today. 

Now that classwork is done, I am going to spend the latter part of the day immersed in my computer, trying to get all sorts of things ready for upcoming exams, writing some abstracts for talks I propose to give at future research meetings, some grading, and some classroom development of my lectures in my upper division class.  I am hoping for a very productive afternoon.   

It is just starting to snow as I look out the window of my office.  I am in my "back office" where folks cannot usually disturb me, surrounded by an array of comfortable items.  I have my office pipe rack with its dozen or so pipes to glance at, and I have already opened a pouch of one of my aromatic pipe tobaccos, one with an ESPECIALLY pleasant aroma.  Since I already ate all my food and drank my huge iced coffee before heading to lecture this morning, I splurged on the way back to my office and bought a large fountain drink from the cafeteria I passed by as I traveled across campus.  I filled the cup with ice and diet Dr. Pepper.   

* * * * *

• I had a bit of extra time this morning as my earliest class did not meet due to a large percentage of students needing to attend a "special session" of some sort related to their major.... so I cancelled the class for the others to keep everyone on track.  
• With my extra time, I was able to hoof out 15 miles (~24 km) on the track this morning.  I did this purposefully.
• We are still anticipated to have a quite significant ice/snow storm from this afternoon through tomorrow.  Newest estimates suggest a potential of ~12 inches (~30cm) of snow.  If that prediction proves accurate, there is also a potential that the U may close on Thursday.  When I leave for the day today, I will be carting home a big knapsack of work I can potentially do at home if this does occur.  However, truth-be-told, I often DOUBT the predictions by many of the local meteorologists who seem to relish predicting worse case scenarios that usually do not occur. 
• The extra miles I ran help keep me relatively on track with my weekly mileage goal IN CASE I am unable to figure out a way to get to the community track tomorrow morning.... or even more worrisome... if it closes for the day.  
• I am currently soaking two pounds of dry beans at home (this time it is a mix of black beans and pinto beans).  Tonight I will divide these soaked beans into two crock pots, add my "secret" blend of spices (including curry, pepper, ginger, allspice, paprika, and an array of others I cannot think of at the moment) and throw in a can of either diced peaches or diced mango and let it cook overnight and through much of the day tomorrow.  Some of these beans will be used for nachos we will have for dinner on Thursday... the rest I will store and freeze in single serving sizes for when I may want a quick serving of these wonderful beans in the future.  
• PCS = 8 (again).  But, the beautiful aroma of the pouch of pipe tobacco is helping to reduce slightly my cravings.  It used to be so wonderful to not have to think/reason through/contemplate my pipes as I do now.  It used to be so wonderful to just "at a moment's notice" simply pick up a pipe, fill the bowl, ignite the leaf with  my trusty Zippo.... and enjoy.   
• Today, being Ash Wednesday, my wife and I plan to attend the evening service to receive ashes.  During  my run today, I was listening to a Capuchin homily about how to better think about and live a life of humility.  The homily helped me to recognize another set of my own personal failings and short-comings.  It has given me a lot of food for thought today.

PipeTobacco

Travel to the Veterinarian

Brief post today because I had to schedule an appointment with my Veterinary for my beloved dog.  The issue has become rather urgent in the following fashion:

1.  Since the pandemic started, our Veterinarians (it is a team) have seen their number of patients (the animals) and clients (the parents of the pets) sky-rocket.  

2.  It is now such that if you want to schedule an appointment, it is going to end up being 4-6 weeks from the date you arrange to make the appointment.  It used to be that if you were to call for an appointment, it would usually be able to be set up in the same week. 

3.  Unfortunately, the Veterinarian's notification system (e-mail) for letting us know when routine work (vaccines, etc) are due HAS NOT been adjusted to fit this new reality for scheduling appointments.  

4.  About 6 weeks ago, I received notification of impending vaccinations my dog needed (routine like rabies, distemper, heartworm, etc).  

5.  But, as you may recall, my dog does not always do so well with shots/vaccines.  

6.  So, I tend to be very careful to arrange for her to receive the "booster" shots.... which are more mild and can occur if they are done on schedule.  But, after a certain point in time has passed, the more mild "booster" variety of the shots are not considered as viable options by our Veterinarians.... and they instead administer the "full-dose" variety of the shot.  

7.  Unfortunately, the "deadline" for receiving the more mild "booster" variety of shot is very, very, very close..... because when I called "way-back-when" it took this long to get a space.  

8.  With my dog being older, and her having a track record of not responding the best to shots, I want to try to make the result as easy on her as I can.  

So, that is why I am not able to type much today.  

*********

• I forgot to mention yesterday that I ran 11 miles on Monday.
• I ran 10.8 miles today.  I awoke later than I had planned, and had to hoof around as hard and fast as I could to get 10.8 miles (~17 km) in my allotted time.  I feel pretty damn sore right now because of the extra intensive effort..... that still failed to allow me to reach the 12 mile (~19 km) goal I had.  
• We have a strong potential to have another even more significant Winter storm this coming Wednesday & Thursday.  Predictions are for a lot of ice & freezing rain for part of the time and up to 10 inches (~25 cm) of snow total in a 24 hour period.   I should PROBABLY be fine for running on Wednesday, but I am worried about how to get my miles in for THURSDAY.  The idea of trying to get in at least 20 miles (~32km) on Wednesday is not pleasant to try to think about even if I split it into two runs.  
• PCS = no need to even put the number down, I think.  But, it is an "8".  I am stuck in a rut.  A rut of cravings.  

PipeTobacco

Array

 

The technical definition of an array is "a collection of similar data elements stored at contiguous memory locations. It is the simplest data structure where each data element can be accessed directly by only using its index number."

That sounds too "mathy" and too "statsy" to my liking.  I much prefer the broader definition of an array being  an arrangement of objects, pictures, or numbers in rows and columns. 

Remember last week that I spoke of my "disdain" (perhaps too gentle a word) for Excel?  A major "disdain" for me with Excel is related to MY concept of arrays versus ITS damnable concepts of arrays.  I mostly use Excel when organizing research data into forms that can be converted into a variety of types of graphs.  Even though Excel has a definte mind of its own on how it wants and does things.... for my most common types of research data, I have evolved into a bittersweet, grudging relationship with the damn program and I can typically figure out how to wrap my brain around the damn programs sense of array logic (which still to my own internal array logic seems convoluted and "*ss-backwards" to boot.) 

 BUT... when other folks send me Excel files and want me to manipulate things (like for the scientific meeting I am Chair at) that are huge amounts of text in those damn little boxes.... Excel is even more frustrating because I have to a) reason through what Excel has as its mindset, and b) try to figure out the person's mindset who created the damnable file.  

And guess what?!!!!!   The U's Athletic Office has decided to double dip in annoyances.  By some law/legislation that I forget how it arose, student athletes have to be "monitored" in terms of their grades and "success" and "needs" at a couple of points across the semester.  I have had to do this for at least the last 15 years if not longer.  I have to do this for each and every student athlete who is enrolled in one of my courses.   I have ~225 students this semester, and because the things I teach are frequently courses that are also popular with a lot of athletes, I typically have ~10% of my students fall into required monitoring.  This semester is no exception.  I actually have 23 student athletes this semester.   

But, those students are NOT the issue.  The U Athletic Office is the issue.  Previous to the last two-or-three semesters, the process was simple, they sent me forms with the students names, course (or occasionally courses) the student is enrolled in with me, and a checklist of successes, needs, and blank for their current grade in the course.  I could get the information for a student down onto one of those forms in ~1-2 minutes.  But two-or-three semesters ago, the U Athletic Office went "paperless" and had someone there devise an "electronic" submission system that INVOLVES the a) use of Excel, b) the of an array of drop down menu options for choices, each of which needs to be hand selected using a few keystrokes and mouse buttoning each, c) student names, student IDs, and course names and course numbers have to be typed in individually for EACH STUDENT, and d) the form has to be signed with an "electronic signature" process that is like pulling teeth.  

Needless to say, this process electronically takes a helluva lot longer.  I timed a couple the first semester I did this..... it was averaging ~10-12  minutes per student.  And, the old paper form is no longer available.  Best case scenario..... 10 minutes for 23 students would mean it would take me close to FOUR HOURS to complete, when before it would take me ~1/2 an hour using the paper version.  Needless to say, I had to try to do something.

My solution, since they want "paperless" was to take all the questions off the old paper form, and 

1.  Type these questions into my word processor program.  

2.  Type in the course names and numbers for all the courses I teach.

3.  I now use this document I created and simply have to a) type in the student's name/ID, and b) use my word processor's highlighter feature to highlight the specific "answers" I am choosing for a particular student.  I then have a document that is long because one page per student means this semester I will have a 23 page document..... and I save it and also create a .pdf copy.  Then....

4.   I attach a .pdf copy of this document to an e-mail I send to the Athletic Director at the U.  

Overall, this new method I employ takes a bit longer than the old paper way, but is still in the neighborhood of ~3-5 minutes only per student.  So, it is far superior to the damn online/Excell method we are supposed to use.   

I do not know how long I will be able to do these reports this way.  But, until I get told this way is invalid, I will continue to do these reports this way.  

* * * * * 

• On this past Friday, I was very glad I had gotten ahead of miles a bit.  I only needed to run a scant 5 miles (~8km) to hit my weekly goal.  The storm had been intense, alternating layers of ice and snow occurred throughout Thursday night.  I am glad I did not have any Friday classes, and decided to work from home.  But, before I could do any work in my den.... I had to deal with the damn snow/ice.  
• It took me ~2.5 hours to shovel out the driveway and the front and back porch area.  The alternating layers of ice and snow made the task very tiring.  
• After the shoveling was done, I took a break of ~15 minutes, made myself a coffee (over ice, of course), and then changed out of my "snowmobile clothes" (a misnomer.... but we refer to the snow-pants and winter coat and hat combination as "snowmobile clothes" around this region) into running clothes, and backed out of the driveway and gingerly proceeded down the road and eventually reached the community indoor track.  I then ran a total of 5.5 miles (~9km).
• PCS = 8.  I have been remembering more snippets of dreams the last few weeks.  Almost every one has had me featured with my pipe.  I especially liked the small snipped I recall from Friday night where I recall a small, few seconds of the dream where I was with my Dad, we were both just chatting and smoking our pipes outside on a nice, warm Summer evening.  

My lunch break officially needs to end, so I have to get back to work.  Still so much more to write, but I have to budget my time so that I stay afloat.  

PipeTobacco

(P.S.  I hope you "got" my word-play joke.  The image is "a ray".  :)   )

(P.P.S To Margaret.... I am not sure why my ink color changed to dark.  I am hoping this time it returns back to normal.  ) 

Ice Storm & Snow

 

After a few days of very pleasant temperatures and dry conditions, we are now in the midst of an ice storm and are predicted to additionally acquire ~8 inches (~20cm) of snow during the next 24 hours.  People arriving on campus are saying the roads are extremely icy and they were sliding all over the place.  I am a bit nervous now about heading home for the evening in a bit.  I am decent at driving in snow and ice.  But, it is never "relaxing" to do so.  Two or three beers at home might be in order upon successful arrival..... even though I doubt I will actually open even one bottle of beer, let alone three.  

Other than when I would have a drink or two with several pipes when I would visit my father-in-law so very long ago..... I rarely drink.  Here is an example:

In preparation of Holiday Festivities for Christmas 2019, I purchased 12 bottles of beer in case guests wanted to imbibe at Christmas dinner.  After New Years Day 2020.... there were 9 bottles of beer remaining from that purchase.  After New Years Day 2023 I still had 4 of those bottles left in the refrigerator.

 If the snow level we receive is as they suggest, I may try to work from home tomorrow.  With that much snow, I would have to spend time snow shoveling anyway.  Then I could work on my computer from my office.  That seems rather tempting.  

I DO have to worry about my running, however.  I only have a short 5 miles (8 km) left to run this week in order to accomplish my 50+ miles (~80+ km) for the week. I will have to see how to get it accomplished, somehow.  

• I ran only 10.5 miles (~17km) this morning because I overslept a bit and arrived at the track later than I would have liked.  10.5 miles was all I could get under my belt before I HAD to leave to ensure I would get to the U on time for my extremely teaching intensive Thursday.
• PCS = 7.  I have restarted the habit of carrying around one of my pipes in the interior breast pocket of my sport coats as I move about my day at the U.  It seems a bit akin to a "pacifier" of sorts, because it does feel comforting to me.  I will sometimes take it out and fiddle with it a bit.  I will pat my jacket with my palm and l like being able to feel its shape through my sport coat.  

Drinking a bit was FUN when I had a buddy to do so with.  Drinking a bit also was a beautiful enhancement for the already beyond exquisite pipe smoking I so miss.  Drinking without a buddy and without a pipe..... seems useless.  

PipeTobacco   

MSU

It did not feel appropriate to write yesterday.  The tragic killings at Michigan State University affected me quite a bit.  There is not much more to say.  It is just tragic.  

PipeTobacco

Bullet List

 Deadlines weighing down upon me, and lots of things to do.  So, only a bulleted list today:

• 11.6 miles (19 km).  Hit the track at 6:02am
• Must run to the florist, buy flowers for tomorrow morning for my wife for Valentine's Day.  These are in addition to an actual gift I also have ready.  I cannot order flowers to be delivered as she is going to be out and about all day and there is no place I could have them delivered to surprise her.  Instead, I will get them today, hide them in the house and get them up in a vase tomorrow morning before I head to the track (before she gets up).
• Lots of teaching today..... LOTS.
• Band practice this evening.  It is the last rehearsal before we begin playing our Winter series out in public.  The Director will be intensive this evening and probably keep us very late. 
• PCS = 8.  Always strong, always there, always on my mind.
  

PipeTobacco

I Had....

 

 

.... so many things I had wanted to write/talk about here today.  But, work got the better of me.  A large array of emotionally needy students have been knocking on my office door all day.  I have been creating a schedule of events for one of the research meetings I am going to relatively soon, and as I happen to be a section chair... I have to organize the order of the research talks and presentations in my section.     

I do not know if I have ever mentioned this before.... but I damn well HATE and DESPISE Excel.  Somehow, no matter what I *think* and believe is the appropriate and correct methods to use while working with that vile program,  every damn time.... it seems the cells in that program have a damn mind of their own and do as they damn well please.   I make a damnable column of numbers, but every once in a while, one of the damn numbers will align on the opposite side of a cell from others in the same column.  And, when sometimes entering damnable text into a cell, sometimes it will extend beyond the cell in a trail for however long it may need, but other damn times for NO IDENTIFIABLE reason the text will simply start a new line within the cell (like happens when you type in a word processor.  None of what Excel does makes any damn sense and I despise every moment I am forced to use that damn program.

I do not have enough energy to do any more.  I still have to go clean up my lab some, before I head home.  

PipeTobacco

Run

 

Run:

• 11.6 miles (~19km) so, tomorrow can be a short run and I can still meet my weekly goal.  Perhaps I will try to push the pace tomorrow to make the short run faster?  I probably should do this, because I could become potentially a stronger runner if I did work to improve my speed. 

• "Run & Hide" is a motto I would LIKE TO TRY to employ today, as I have posted ~220 or so grades for my various classes' 1st Lecture Exam of the semester.  This typically means I will have a percentage (perhaps ~5-10%, or ~10-20 students) wanting desperately to see me to "discuss"... often with tears... how they could NOT have "gotten" the score they did on the exam.... usually.... with statements such as.... "I am a straight "A" student (usually Freshmen say this, having never had a college class before"... or "I cannot have gotten a "D" or "F", it is impossible, I studied SO HARD!!!!"... or "I cannot get "variable choices of grade here" grade because it will affect my (scholarship or ability to play their sport or get admission to whichever program)."    Of course, I will NOT hide away, but will instead steel my shoulders and gird my loins.... to prepare for this onslaught that always happens after the 1st exam.  I will then try to (as gently as I can muster) show them some of their errors, guide them on how to more strongly prepare for the next exam, and usually examine their notes to show them where they were not taking notes of sufficient depth.  Fortunately, many do take my guidance and DO improve.  A few, however, continue on this downward slope. 

• At the track this morning, one of the regulars, a lady who walks at the track and is perhaps a decade and a half or so my junior, jokingly said to me that she could "hear me" coming up behind her, and I waved "Hello" as I passed and said "Yes, I am sure my running sounded like a Clydesdale hoofing around!"  She laughed as did I.  

I have a huge day of lecturing too, today, so I had better let it go at this, this morning.  PCS = 8 again.... I was daydreaming about beautiful pipes of the past I had while I ran.... but only after I finished the rosary, of course.  There was not a new Capuchin Mass to listen to today, so I let my mind drift.  I am glad to have the track in the Winter, but I also look forward to being back outside come Spring, like the fellow in the photo.

PipeTobacco

Eating Lunch

 

In the few spare moments I have in today's hectic schedule, I am eating lunch and typing here on the blog.  Both feel valuable for me to do.  But, because I have to do both together, it is a day of bullets here:

• While I am staunchly (U.S.) Democratic in my political leanings and usually agree with ~95% of the American Democratic agenda.... I have,  over the last several years developed a strong aversion to listening to ANY politician SPEAK, even if he/she is talking about things I agree with.  None of the talk EVER seems honest nor sincere.... but is just some form of pandering, aggrandizing, and/or a huge amount of fighting and hyperbole.... that I simply no longer feel any desire to waste time on listening to it anymore. 
• Unfortunately, with the severe decline of most newspapers, and the few good ones are OUTRAGEOUSLY PRICED (a weekday copy of the New York Times is $6.00), I have to seek Internet sources for news information.  Whether political, social, societal or catastrophe based, finding national, regional, and local news is more of a pain in the posterior than ever before.  Sure, it is easy to find flashing headlines, but more in-depth information.... damn hard to find with any reliability.     Some is available in news stories from the online BBC, some from online NPR, but it is not particularly broad based and comprehensive like a newspaper had been.  And, their broadcasts.... while good, are not comprehensive in the same way a newspaper was.  I often watch the NBC Nightly News for a bit of breadth..... but although this broadcast has some breadth, it is also very shallow in depth.  
• The above two bullets were my diatribes about why I did not watch the "State of the Union" address.  I think Biden is doing a decent job, but he is just as much a slimy politician when speaking as are all the rest. 
• PCS = 7.... which is less intensive than the eights I have been experiencing of late.   It is kind of strange to feel the 7 level as almost..... "comfortable".  It is still a lot of thinking about my pipes, and a whole helluva lot of desire for my pipes.  But, maybe I am just getting jaded to a degree and am beginning to simply accept this is how it will likely always be?  
• I did another 11.6 miles (~19km) this morning.  It feels damn good to be AHEAD of my 50 mile target this week... it makes each run feel smoother and less stressful.  It also means if I keep it up, I am going to have a pretty damn easy FRIDAY run as well! 
• My wife's compliance with her goals to control and combat her diabetes went down the drain again yesterday, and I have been feeling a bit of frustration with that.  Obviously, it is her decision.  But, it ramps up my stress and worry.  And, I also feel a bit annoyed at the number of changes, adaptations, and what-not we go through so she CAN do her new plan for getting her numbers better.... but then she throws it away a week or two later.  

Lunch is over.

PipeTobacco

95

 

Although she is not here on Earth, but is instead in Heaven...... I wanted to mention that today would be my Mom's 95th birthday.  Even though she was a petite lady, barely 5 ft 1 in (~155cm), she was always tall in my eyes.  She worked very hard to do good in her life.  She was an avid reader, and she cared deeply about so many things.  She was a very ardent supporter of unionization, and was quite active in her job both helping to establish it as a union shop but also in participating in a wide array of issues/concerns regarding workers rights.  She was a staunch Roman Catholic her entire life, and she was the reason my own father converted to Catholicism.  She would not say yes to his marriage proposal until he agreed. 

Her primary job for ~30 years was in being the head worker at a delicatessen where she made and served all sorts of delectable foods... sandwiches, soups,  salads of all sorts (macaroni, potato, jello, etc).   The deli she worked at was in a fairly rough-scrabble location nearby and was surrounded by a wide array of factories with hundreds and hundreds of blue collar folks who were her regulars because they loved her cooking.  The deli she worked at also sold beer and liquor,  so that too was often an accompaniment to a lot of the purchases she rang up during he workday as well.  Back in the day, it was common for a lot of folks to have a beer or two or three during the lunch break, and many would buy a pint or a fifth of something stronger for later in the day.  

I remember always being excited as a kid when my Mom would occasionally bring me a piece of pie or a piece of cake from the deli.  Even though in many ways it was the same as her home cooking, she often tried more "exotic" (to me) flavors at the deli than the flavors she made at home (my Dad tended to like things consistent and liked some flavors more than others).  

I miss my Mom tremendously.  I hope that she looks down upon me and is possibly proud of what I try to do in my life.  

* * * * * 

• Ran 11.8 miles today (~19km).  It felt good to push myself.
• PCS = 8.... seems to be a broken meter stuck on this number.  But, the cravings and desires remain strong, palpable, and the pipes and pipe tobaccos do call to me.  

PipeTobacco

A Damn Fight!!!

 

The weekend had its ups and downs:

• My wife and I spent most all of Saturday together, and it was wonderful, peaceful and relaxing in all regards.  
• My wife and I went to see a showing of the film "The Banshees of Inisherin" which is a film that has gotten a huge array of accolades (and on "Rotten Tomatoes" a 97% score.... an exceptionally positive score on that site).  The acting was exceptional, the scenery was beautiful, tranquil and enjoyable to watch.  BUT... the story was horribly sad/pointless in a way that made both me and my wife actually dislike the film overall.  There have been a couple of films that are considered "GREAT" films, but that I just cannot stand:
• The Great Gatsby - stupid, rich folks doing stupid, uncaring things
• The Godfather (#1 or any of the sequels) - gangsters doing stupid, uncaring things
• Steel Magnolias - a nurse, who knows better, decides to die holding her infant (at a "perfect" moment) rather than get treatment for her diabetes so she can be with her baby for years to come
• and.... now this..... "The Banshees of Inisherin" which I suspect is supposed to be some sort of metaphor about the Irish War of Independence.... was actually a movie about a fiddler player and his "boring" friend.  The fiddler player told the friend to stop talking to him.  The friend did not abide.  The fiddler player said if the friend kept talking to him, he (the fiddler) would cut off his (the fiddler's) own fingers.  The friend kept trying to talk to him.  The fiddler cut off his fingers, and obviously could no longer play the fiddle.  And, I kid you not.... the fiddler threw his fingers into yard of the home of his friend.....and the friend's pet donkey tried to eat one of the fingers, choked and died.  This then riled up the friend, so that he was inspired to burn down the fiddler's (former fiddler, he no longer had fingers) home.  The end.   Pure rubbish! (The main actors were Brenden Gleeson and Colin Farrell.... both great actors.... but this film..... idiotic.).

• Sunday, unfortunately, revolved around another several hour period of that which I cannot mention here anymore.  My wife and I were both utterly exhausted. It seems to be a never-ending situation of great sorrow.
  

But, the reality is I am sick and damn tired of dealing with this sort of crap all the time.  I decided this morning, when I woke up at 3:45am and could not get back to sleep, to begin to FIGHT DAMN HARD against having to constantly be buffeted and battered by that which I cannot mention here.  My life is worth more than just living through this crap, this heartache.  

• So, I am trying to push the things I can that make me feel "better".  One way I did this today, was I ran 11.6 miles (~18.5 km) instead of 10 miles (~16km).  I know it is not a helluva lot of difference... but it FELT like I went BEYOND what I had to do.... so the BEYOND part felt like it was a bit like me taking back some of my own individuality (if that makes sense).  I did that for ME instead of just doing the minimum to get through because of all the sh*t that buffets me and my wife around from that which I cannot mention here.
• I also did that today by hiding away in my back-back lab office and grading (and listening to C,S &N on headphones) so I would not be disturbed by folks knocking like they typically do when I am in my front office where folks could see me inside. I did not have office hours and DID NOT need to be available.  I did this to allow me to gain back some of my own TIME.
• I did this by NOT DOING some other sort of sh*t-work for someone else to be nice... and instead sneaked again into my back-back office to WRITE here! This gave me some of my own time back as well.  

So, at least today.... I am on a damn mission to FIGHT back against the crap that tries to overwhelm me.  I am going to try to continue to be more vigorous in this fight.  "That which I cannot mention" will have to just..... whatever.... I am tired of being a damn punching bag, and so is my wife.

• PCS - 8.  I wanted to grab a pipe while in my back-back office very intensely.  But, I also knew it would be a giveaway to my whereabouts.

PipeTobacco

A Bit Better

 

I am feeling a "bit" better today, which is a relief.  Yesterday was not enjoyable.  

• I am still hurt, annoyed, worried, aggravated, angry about the thing I can no longer talk about here but mentioned in passing yesterday.  But, I have gritted my teeth and today have tried to the best of my ability to "let it go" because I cannot control the damn poor choices of that...  which I can no longer talk about.
• It is frigidly cold now in my region.  The wind chills are...  quite a bit below zero (~ -15 to -20 F) (for my Canadian friends.... ~ - 25 to -30 C).  
• 11 miles ran today (~18 km).
  
• PCS = 8..... it seems (other than during the few days where I felt ill) that I have been at a rather persistent (stable?) PCS score since before Thanksgiving.  

An interesting Wall Street Journal article came across my computer maybe a week or so ago, and it was entitled "A Happy Memory Can Help You Fall Asleep, if You Know How to Use It".   And, it described a technique called "savoring" where you try to relive in your mind, a happy experience in great detail.  

I am thinking the above "savoring" technique is quite valid and true, and I think I may have been employing this technique even without having a name to give the technique.  Ever since I have been purposefully reliving pleasant pipe smoking memories while I lay down to sleep..... I have really had no issues with falling asleep.  The one time I had a bout of insomnia in the recent past was when I had spent hours staying up very late (~4:00am) working on some intensive work-related thinking tasks.  When I then went to bed, I was tossing and turning..... tossing and turning for quite a while.  This persisted even as I I diligently tried to force my mind to be quiet!  Yet, I finally decided, since I was awake to "go with the flow" and use the time to remember happier times.  And, almost instantly I started to produce "Zzzzzzzz's".  

In case you are not familiar with the image I used at the top of this post.... it is a Bridle Bit for horses.  Back when I was early in my undergraduate education, I was all over the map in terms of what my attempted career choice would be.  Most of the time as an undergraduate, I was a biology major, although for a brief period I switched for a semester or so to declaring as an English major.  But ultimately I went back to biology.  Yet.... I was unsure of what sort of career I would like to try to pursue.  Originally my parents had encouraged me to go into human medicine.  And for a while I seriously considered it.  I also did VERY well on the entrance exams for medical school.  Yet, I knew in my heart that being a medical doctor would not be good for my personality.  I knew that I would be emotionally affected by the harsh things my patients would be going through health-wise.  And, even though it would be my role and my honor to treat them.... I seriously did not think that my emotional well being would be able to deal with the large amount of grief inherent in that career.  

Also as an undergraduate, I additionally had a period of time where I seriously considered pursuing Veterinary Medical School.  I even spent an entire Summer volunteering (these days, the kids use the trendier term "job shadowing") at a small-animal veterinary practice and at a more distant large animal veterinary practice, and also at a horse stable.  Each experience was immensely interesting.  I became quite adept at working with horses (as a volunteer, I never rode a horse, but did learn to groom, learn to bit and bridle, learned to saddle horses, and mucked out a helluva lot of stables).  I was even asked to help out at a horse mating event.  To my late teen/early 20 sensibilities, I was rather in awe while helping with and watching the mating rituals of horses, and was rather shocked at how "endowed" a stallion would become when aroused. I observed matings between males and female horses at this even, and also watched and observed a veterinarian who needed to use an electroejaculatory device on a stallion so the veterinarian could retrieve a gamete sample for use in artificially inseminating a mare who refused the advances of the available suitor stallions.  The device was a long electrode that stimulated an area of the rectal region that buttressed up (pun initially unintended, but recognized) near the prostate gland. While the veterinary work was very interesting, I ultimately decided against pursuing that as a career (again even though I performed well on the entrance exams) for the same reason as not choosing medical school.... but in this case, I was more concerned about not having the emotional fortitude to withstand experiencing the hurt and grief of the owners who had pets/animals with poor prognoses.      

PipeTobacco

;aoif&9*hj e

My mind feels quite a bit like the title of this post.... jumbled chaos.  I feel utterly exhausted.  I feel extraordinarily anxious.  I feel dread.  I feel gloom.  Today has not been a pleasant day from the moment my feet hit the pavement.

• Overslept through my damn alarm.  Got to the track 1/2 hour late.  Ran faster than I wanted to, and stayed longer than I wanted to in order to get the damnable, full 10 miles in.
• I am growing royally p*ss*d at the individual I no longer talk about here.  This person is engaging in mind-bogglingly stupid choices that will ultimately remove about 20 different, very positive opportunities this person is eligible for. I want to yell, holler, curse, scream, and try to get this person to see and recognize logic.  But, I stay silent, for it does absolutely no damn good at all.
• I am feeling quite significant pressure about a cadre of my research students and their upcoming talk at a regional research meeting.  They are being a tad lackadaisical and it is ratcheting up my own stress.  
• Today was my especially long lecture day to boot.  I am now exhausted.  I am famished, even though I ate every damn crumb of food I had.

*IF* I had my druthers.... and if I did not have my wife needing me to be a responsible husband... if I did not have to get up to run another damn 10 miles in the morning before heading off to work, and if I didn't already have a full plate of work I have to get done tomorrow, which will take all damn day........

If none of the above were true.... I would like nothing more at the  moment than to go get either a six pack of some heavy & hoppy IPA style beer... or perhaps a pint of some pleasant bourbon or whisky... then go home to my office... grab 2 or three of my favorite pipes... grab a pouch or two of the most robust burley leaf I can locate in my stock.... 

... and smoke my pipe and drink myself into a gentle, hazy, sloppy mindset. This would pleasantly distract me from the stressors, the aggravations, the anxieties. 

PipeTobacco

Zoom

 A very busy day of teaching and quite a bit of lab time.  Time for away from me and I am heading home.  Just a brief list:

+  10 miles ran

+  PCS = 8… so many of my non-teaching activities today would have traditionally involved a pipe.  

PipeTobacco