Blast

 

 

A "BLAST" post of 15 minutes so that I can try to get down things:

1. I ran 13.3 miles today (~21.5 km) today. I have to admit I really DID NOT want to run this morning.  I woke up achy, with a sore back, a deflated mood, and an ornery disposition.  But, while everyone else in the house continued to merrily sleep... including the dog and the cat, I went outside and  hit the pavement at 4:15am and hoofed through the damn miles.  
2. The darkness at that time of morning was starting to worry me.  Yesterday, I was getting pretty damn worried that I would not see something and would catch my foot and fall and hurt myself again.  So, when I got out of the U yesterday, I went to the local "big box" sporting goods store and purchased one of those lantern lights to wear on my cap.  

Some of you may remember that my friend AC mentioned wearing such a light before when I was talking about running in the dark.   In reply, I had told him that I had tried one before, and it had given me motion sickness when I was running because of the movement of the light.  I WAS still quite worried about that when I went into the "big box" store, but I was actually MORE WORRIED about the potential to fall by not seeing something that I went in thinking I could try to see if anything had improved since I bought (and eventually returned) the last "gizmo light" I had so disliked.  

Well... either my first light I bought was really "cheap" and "junky" in design, or there have been some pretty significant improvements since that time, but I found THREE different head lights at the store that all seemed far more stable and less likely to cause motion sickness than before.  AND, one of them had a RECHARGEABLE battery (USB connection) which sealed the deal on which I selected. 

1. So, I strapped the damn thing on my head when I went out today.... fearing the impending motion sickness..... but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it was with the first (failed) light from a long time ago.  
2. The light did make my run feel much safer.  And with no motion sickness.... I will be strapping it on for the foreseeable future.

Perhaps the MOST important bit of this story is the conclusion, however..... even though I REALLY did NOT want to run this morning.... after I was done:

1.  I felt much less achy.... my back was no longer sore, my shoulder was no longer sore.
2.  I was tuckered out, of course.... but I also no longer felt ornery or deflated.  I felt... simply normal.  
3. I have had this sort of experience often with running, and in part, the way my physicality and mood (typically) improves from running in the early morning. 

PCS = 8.... an improvement of sorts.... but STILL the cravings and desires are significantly strong.  Margaret suggested in my comments yesterday that perhaps I SHOULD just go ahead and have a pipe.  I DO very much like that thought and idea.  It feels and seems like it would be such a beautiful and magical experience after all this time away.  I fully believe that after this 4.5+ years away have likely reset my neurons in a way that the beautiful power, the incredible essence of pipe would feel just as deeply profound as it did when I was a kid.  To potentially experience that sort of sheer magic again is very, very tempting.  But, even if the pipe did not elicit the deep magic like it did when I was a kid.... I know that it would still provide the beautiful nourishment to my mind that it always has provided me for decades.  

I just do not know if in my current mindset, if ONE pipe would be something I would abide to, or if I would simply cascade like a torrential waterfall back into my regular patterns of indulgence.

PipeTobacco
 

 

Exhaustion

Still exhausted.  Still have so much I want to write, but I am in the eye of the hurricane, so-to-speak in terms of activity:

• 13.4 miles ran this morning (5:12 am)
• Getting two more new classes off the ground today.
• Working with my new researchers.
• Helping my wife with my MIL.
• Feeling HUNGRY all the time.
• Wanting to do more (get more done) but I cannot.  I am exhausted.
• So many detailed things I want to write here, but time and focus are exceedingly scant again today.
  
• PCS - 9.  I am so wanting to smoke my pipes.  

PipeTobacco

2 To Too Much

 So much to write, but no time today…..

Ran at 4:45am… 13.4 miles

Taught like a whirling dervish.

MIL has been moved into her apartment…. lots of chaos and separation from my wife (having to stay there).

PCS = 8.5

Just got home (8:30pm).

Bushed and damn hungry.  

PipeTobacco 

Argh!!!!

 

The whirlwind of chaos has befallen upon me.  Too, too many things all converging at once in a chaotic non-pattern that is unpredictable at best:

• It MAY be that my mother-in-law will be moving into her assisted living apartment on Friday.
• It MAY be that she may move in on Saturday.
• It MAY be that she will not be moving in for several days.
• Thus far, my wife has received extremely MINIMAL help in regards to the logistics of this impending move from her siblings.  
• My wife is going to my MIL's house today to talk with her about what to pack initially (and this will likely have my MIL become very angry/emotional, as she likely may not recall the last several times we have talked about this).
• Adjunct instructors I am working with have become EXTREMELY needy and a BIT pushy about things.  They are not neophytes, they know the plan.  Just because I am NOT wholly focused on getting the particular course they participate in up to 100% perfection at the moment (I have five courses I am working on).  They need to be PATIENT.  I want to "grump" at them (or worse), but I will hold my tongue.
• A lot more meetings are scheduled today for me in the grand "Back to School" tradition.  These meetings are mostly pomp and hyperbole.... and are not helpful when most of us faculty just want to be making sure everything is up to snuff for next week.  
• Speaking of meetings, the "adjuncts" I spoke of in the above have been clamoring for a meeting (we had one last week but they want another one).  I proposed one time that I could work.... 3/4ths said they could not meet then.  From what they said, I proposed a different time for tomorrow that MIGHT work if I do not have to help with moving my MIL.  One already bailed on that meeting even though she had previously said it was ok.  
• My dog has her haircut appointment for tomorrow.  Unfortunately, it is not a task that is able to be rescheduled.  The groomer has appointments set out for three months in advance, so if we cancelled, our dog would not be able to get back in until the end of November and this would be very rough for her.... she NEEDS a haircut.  
• I need to get a specific plan up and published to my research students.  This means assigning them to specific research projects, working through the U bureaucracy to get the new folks appropriate traditional key and electronic key access to research spaces, and to get this all rolling so that they may start generating data.  
• Because of all the stress related to my MIL, my wife is completely off plan as far as her Type 2 Diabetes is concerned, so her glucose levels are sky high even with her medications.  This adds several levels of stress for me as well..... worry (it is not healthy to do this), anxiety (worry that she will develop more problematic symptoms) , and actually some frustration as well.... for by the time we get to spend some quiet time together, usually later in the evening (say ~9:00pm) she has fallen asleep (a common occurrence  in people with poorly regulated Type 2 due to high glucose levels).  It in effect shuts down the little bit of time we have to spend together, because she is not mentally/emotionally present.  
  

I am sure there is a boatload of things I have forgotten that should be on the list above too.  But, those are the ones that come to my mind the most incessantly.

• I only ran 10.2 miles (~16 km) this morning.    
• PCS = still at a damn 9.  It is so hard, and I am so close to saying "to hell with it" and just doing whatever I feel like.

PipeTobacco

"Pipey Feelings"

 

I am not sure..... it could be a) just a random physiological cycle, b) a ratcheting up of stress as I wait for the start of the first day of the semester, or c) a decades long-established, nearly ritualistic pattern in me.... but I am in what could be described as a "Super Pipey Mood"..... I would easily say I am at a PCS of 9 or even a few tenths further up the scale.  

Perhaps it IS just a random physiological cycle.  I have, over these last 4.5 years.... had a rather undulating ride of it.  Sometimes it has been DAMN DIFFICULT to not pick up my pipes, and occasionally it has been more tolerable.  My feelings have undulated many times across this period.  

Perhaps it IS just stress.  I still do not understand why after all these decades of teaching and researching..... hell..... after all these decades of "professoring" why on Earth do I still have stress and jitters the week before it all begins?  It is damn stupid of me to feel this way.  The jitters slow me down and are just a waste of time.  But, I guess I have come to realize that I am a damn stupid fool who is as slow as molasses most of the time anyway, so this is par for the course, I guess.  

And, perhaps it IS part of that "ritualistic pattern" I organically developed so very long ago.  When I was smoking my pipe in an unencumbered, non-measured way..... just by whim or happenstance....  there was always an elevation in the number of pipes I would indulge in each day during that week prior to the start of the semester.  Back when it was a more pure and easy and gentle time, the pipes felt like, hell... they WERE a form of mental nutrition for me to enjoy and indulge in as I attempted to create, and prepare, and plan the supposed "big thoughts" that are technically what I, as a "professor" am supposed to be able to generate or innately have...  and then be able to bring forth and deliver to the masses of young students seeking my care and tutelage. 

I just don't know.... well.... I don't know a whole helluva lot of anything.... but I DO know I miss my pipes today, something fierce.  

* * * * * 

I was quite sleepy still when my damn alarm on my phone started its incessant clanging, forcing me to crawl out of bed across the room to shut the damn thing off at 4:01 am.  I FORCED myself to hit the trail by 4:15 am.  Fortunately, there was enough reflected moonlight that it was pretty easy to navigate as I hoofed through 13.2 miles (~21km).  It was  not a "pleasant" run.... but instead.... a "get the damn thing done" run.  

* * * * *

The BEST part of my morning, however, was when I was able to take our dog out in the backyard for her daily, morning constitutional.  She was so happy to just be looking around, her tail wagging, and her eyes sparkling in the early morning light.  She deposited her usual "present" fairly quickly, and I used a gloved hand to pick up this present to dispose of properly.  When she pants, like she usually does after drinking water, I can see her one slightly crooked incisor tooth that makes me grin.  It just makes her look even cuter.  As she is a mix, but seems to have a lot of Wheaton Terrier in her, she has a dense, curly coat and grows a big, fluffy goatee.  But, she has an appointment this Friday for a trim (she does not shed, but just gets more and more fluffy and she needs a trim every couple of months to keep from having her curls become matted).  

* * * * * 

My wife and I are keeping our fingers crossed that we will get to go swimming this afternoon.  We relish the quieter time together and like the feeling of coolness and refreshment that the pool provides.  It is also great because my wife is also much more awake and we get to talk and focus on each other.  While we technically do swim some, the best part is the half an hour where we spend WALKING back and forth in a lane where we can talk with each other.  For me, I walk backwards (which is really nice for using my leg muscles in the opposite way I do with running, so it helps me stretch out more and relax) and my wife walks forward in the lane so that she can try to expend as much energy as possible to help her in her glucose control.  But.... the TALKING is the best part of the swim (but the immense body cooling is incredibly important too).

PipeTobacco

Yo-Yo

 

Another day of bullets:

• Ran 13.5 miles (~22km) starting at 5:15am.  Was not really feeling like running this morning.  However, I knew if missed, I would feel additional pressures to meet my weekly goal, so I pushed myself (a bit grudgingly) to get it done.
• A few weeks ago, I found out that I had been asked/selected to participate in a sort of "Think Tank" Committee/Task Force this upcoming year.  This "Think Tank" group actually has two seperate groups focusing on two drastically different ideas.  I was actually quite happy about being on this committee, for this committee/task force is actually interesting and enjoyable (as strange as that sounds for ANY committee/Task force).  
• My happiness changed to agitated trepidation however, when I found out about a week later that the person whom I dislike intensely (and have written about here) is ALSO going to be on this committee/task force.  This finding DID NOT please me in any way, shape, or form. 
• For the last few weeks I have been contemplating in my mind various options:  a)  see if I could switch to the other "Think Tank" group, b) simply decline the offer of being a participating member, or c) stay in the group even with the person whom I dislike intensely being a part of the group as well.    
• The difficulty with a) is that the "Think Tank" I was offered was the especially "fun" academic one of the two.  The other one is good as well, but not AS exciting as the one I was selected to be in.
• The difficulty with b) is that bailing out would mean I would not be a part of the "Think Tank" group, which is one of those very RARE committee/task forces that is thought provoking, fun, and enjoyable.  I also would lose the minor stipend members receive.  
• The difficulty with c) is OF COURSE, that this person aggravates and annoys the hell out of me.  This person has been so damn obnoxious over the years, that gnats and skunks view this person with awe and admiration.  

• So, I am not sure what to do at the moment.  I keep switching back-and-forth in my thoughts about which of the three above is the best route.  And, I have also been quietly contemplating during my runs…. if perhaps from the Capuchin perspective of my faith…. if perhaps I should be viewing this as an "opportunity" to work at my tolerance and forgiveness of this person in my heart.  I have to admit it feels like a damn tall order at times….  to try to change my gut reaction towards this person….. to tolerance and forgiveness…. but perhaps this is what this opportunity is meant to be about?  I am still unsure, however.  
• PCS = 8.... my pipe cravings seem to be persisting at this challengingly high level.  When my PCS is at this level, it can be rather exhausting…. with the amount of work to keep refraining.  It feels (at a PCS of “8”) like it would be so much simpler, so much easier… to simply go back to my pipes and pipe tobaccos in whatever feels "organically" correct for me.  Yet, I know that if I were to simply indulge as I pleased, I would in very short order (probably a day or two) be comfortably ensconced in my prior routine of several pipes a day.  But, at the same time, I also realize that I would also then (perhaps not for a while, but likely in a few weeks or a month or two) very likely start experiencing the worries about my indulging, just like I had been experiencing until I started to refrain ~4.5 years ago. And, having those worries does not help me at all. 
  

• I keep believing that THERE IS SOME sort of fashion in which I COULD return to my pipes and pipe tobaccos that a) would be measured (meaning…. occasional) in such a way that I could indulge without the return of those worries, AND also, b) it would NOT feel like a great deal of WORK AND EFFORT to maintain as a pattern.   What I mean by this is..... say if I reasoned out that I could allow myself one pipe a week..... I do not know for sure, but I am suspicious that one pipe a week would only just "whet my appetite" and that the intervening days between having a pipe would become more difficult, more work, and require more energy to accomplish than it currently does being fully away from my pipes.  I still DO think there must be some sort of level of indulgence that I COULD do that would be at the perfect "sweet spot" where my occasional pipe smoking would be monumentally enjoyable, but NOT induce worry, and NOT require a huge amount of willpower to maintain the indulgence pattern. 

PipeTobacco

Exhausted

Up and on the trail at 4:01am because of non-stop meetings all day.  13.3 miles (~22km). 

The yammerings of the non-stop meetings went from 8:00am until 5:30pm.

Then I spent a useless half an hour on the phone with my bank about a debit card they did not send me a new copy of after the previous one expired.  The person on the phone had no clue about the bank or anything it seemed, even though she worked for the bank. 

Days like these make me dead-dogged tired.  

PCS=8…. Days like these make it damn hard to not just throw in the towel, say to hell with it…. and just smoke my pipes at will.  

PipeTobacco 

Blue

 

Just bullets of stuff today:
 

• With all of the running I had already done this week, I only ran 7.1 miles (~11.5 km) this morning so I would not exceed my 55 - 56 mile (88 - 90 km) per week goal.  I looked at my tabulator on my "gizmo" watch, and I have now ran over 1,820 miles (~2,929 km) so far this year.
• I am feeling quite blue today.  A large part of it is due to "transitions".  By this I mean that I KNOW in my own psyche, that change is disruptive to me and puts me on edge and has me feeling blue.  I DO know and realize that change is inevitable, but that does not mean I know how to avoid the FEELINGS that change induces in me.
• A change that is partially responsible for the "blueness" is the impending transition to the start of Fall Semester.  I do not know WHY after all these years (hell, decades), I still feel nervous and a bit edgy the last several days before the start of a new academic year.  This edginess always dissipates in the first week of the semester as I settle into the Fall routine again, but before it happens, I do feel on edge.  And, I have tried to figure out ways to avoid that "edginess" to no avail thus far.
• My MIL was evaluated for her potential to be able to move into an assisted living apartment and we will hear more about the results soon.  It may be something that happens/becomes available as early as next week if she passes the evaluations.  That, of course, is also a stress.  But, it is something that is needed.  Yet, she is also quite angry about it thus far, and if she does get to move into an apartment, I suspect my wife will need to stay there with her for several days until my MIL becomes more used to the new environment.... and HOPEFULLY begins to like the place instead of being angry.  
• My wife's own Type 2 struggles are also weighing heavily on my mind.  She is ignoring most of her dietary, exercise, and hydration goals she had set up.  This pattern of "throwing in the towel" after about two weeks of compliance is a pattern that keeps her basically at the same spot with no progress... time and time again.  It worries me, but I cannot enact the changes.... she must.  If she did, it would be tremendously helpful for her health and wellness.  
• PCS = 8 - there are a large number of thoughts and ideas gnawing at me in my mind about me just "throwing in the towel" in regards to my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  I had thought I could eventually figure out a meaningful, occasional way to return to sporadic indulging in them.  But a plan for this is not something I have figured out yet.  So, a part of me wants to just say "to hell with it" and go back to them however and whenever I wish.  The idea of doing this is both something I want to do, but is also something I am quite angry at myself for wanting to do.  It is simply annoying.

PipeTobacco 

 

Rancor

I am tired of the rancor that seems to be a permanent part of modern society.  Everything, everywhere feels like it involves folks grumpily "taking a stand" on something or other.  It just feels tiring and.... FOR MANY things.... irrelevant.  

• 13.1 miles (~21 km) this morning.  I was not feeling like running when I got up, but I forced myself to get my feet to the pavement.  It was very densely foggy this morning, which made for a more interesting run, however.  Yet, due to the fog, and my initial lack of enthusiasm, I decided to run the small pattern (~2 miles) again and again, so I would a) not have to worry as much about what was ahead of me (the fog was VERY dense) and b) I did not feel much like focusing or thinking about where I was going.  As is my typical, the Capuchin Mass from yesterday and my praying of the Rosary accompanied me on my foggy running journey.
• I am bound and determined to get a whole helluva lot of paper-work issues ready for my Fall courses today.  I have a goal to be DONE with the set-up of ALL my classes so I can start off on the right foot without having to scramble with things.  Four of the five courses ARE all done, but this last one, my embryology lab is stubborn.... I (perhaps stupidly) decided to "revamp" some of the lab materials, and this unfortunately adds many layers of nit-picky minutia I have to be sure to adjust, fix, and develop.  It DOES NOT feel it is worth it at the moment, and I wish I would have just left well enough alone..... BUT..... I do know that IF I get this revamping done, it will be a MUCH NICER experience for this furry-faced professor AND for the students as well.
• I am in the last stages of the "revamp" of my one research lab.  I was a bit way-laid for a week or so, so I still have some things to accomplish.  Again, it is the annoying nitty-gritty minutia that is left.... running cords and re-hooking up machinery and gizmos to power, making sure the lists of where items are held/stored/available in the "Lab Directory" book is updated, that sort of minutia..... which are not my favorite tasks.... are primarily what is left. 

PCS = 7.5.... it feels like my urge to smoke my pipe has increased.  I am hesitant to label it an "8" today, but it does feel like it is inching in that direction.  The "apple pipe" dream I had was such a pleasant memory of a rather whimsical time.... a time of just being "silly" and "carefree".  I am thinking I am missing that FEELING of being "carefree" that had been such a part of many days, especially in the past... and in so many of those memories of "carefreeness" I can also recall the beautiful, soothing, pleasant enjoyment of smoking my pipes as well.  

PipeTobacco

Apple Pipe

 

Yesterday, due to a plethora of off campus meetings, I had very scant time in my office, and regrettably did not get to post at all.  Today is going to be primarily bullet points of thoughts as well, other than my one focus at the end:

• With the various meetings, yesterday, I did not get the opportunity to run like I normally do in the morning.  Due to that situation, I had to run later in the day.  With it being very sunny and warm yesterday, and my not wanting to get sunburned in the late afternoon sun, I ran at the U indoor track.  Fortunately, I was the only soul about.  I hoofed 8 miles (~13km) of track ovals.  
• This morning, I was up and outdoors on the pavement by 6:00am.  I hoofed 14.1 miles (~22.5km).  
• Feeling the typical "end of Summer.... push of business for preparing for Fall" sorts of stresses at the moment.  In my analysis of these stresses.... damn near all of them are related to having to meet with other instructors to "hash out" minutia that does not really matter, and ends up being some folks just yammering on for long periods of time.  Nothing said at any of these meetings will affect or alter my teaching or how I go about my teaching, so the unimportant minutia and lengthy yammering just cause aggravation and are stressful.
• The pool my wife and I enjoy is closed for a few days for its annual "checkup" and "refurbishing".  In some ways, I think it is just a formalized/scheduled en masse vacation for the folks at the facility as the pool is always exactly the same when we return.  The lack of the pool is something my wife and I both feel as it has been such a wonderful help for me, and a great way for both of us to have some quiet, focused time together.  
• PCS = 7.... still rather intense desire to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  
  

I *DID* have a dream two nights ago that was rather interesting, albeit a bit odd.  It was a dream of an actual memory from back in my graduate school days.  Back then, I remember reading in a magazine or newspaper or something similar about an "apple pipe".  What an "apple pipe" was, was a method that marijuana smokers would make a marijuana pipe out of an apple.  In the story I remember reading, it was described as a somewhat "surreptitious" way for these marijuana smokers to be able to do so in a more public area like a park or the beach.  

As you know from other posts of mine, I never tried marijuana even back then.... because back then I was worried I would like it... and this worried me because I already was not confident about my abilities to earn a Ph.D. (I was in graduate school, as I said)..... and I thought it best to not try something that *COULD* potentially make me rather non-motivated.... and further decrease the possibility I could earn a Ph.D.  

However, I DID find the idea of making a pipe out of an apple to be intriguing.  So, I decided to carve my own PIPE TOBACCO pipe out of an apple to see what it would be like.  I figured it would work, and hell, there used to be an abundance of apple scented aromatic pipe tobaccos (never really a favorite of mine).... so I new it wouldn't be *awful*.  So, that is what I did.  My doctoral mentor/advisor's lab in which I was working at the time consisted of a variety of rooms, one of which was a fairly nice tool/workroom. I remember one evening, after I was done for the day, that I had a fairly large Red Delicious apple that I had that I decided to make into a pipe.  I went into the workroom and using a saw-tooth drill-bit of a size pretty similar to the chamber of the bowl of the tobacco pipe I had in my pocket, I proceeded to gently drill an equivalent "bowl chamber" into the apple.  I then used a 1/4 inch regular drill bit to drill a long shaft at a 90 degree angle to the bowl chamber.  This then became in effect the stem and shank of the pipe.  

While I would often smoke my pipe in my advisor's lab (back during graduate school, graduate students were permitted to smoke and given this luxury, whereas he forbid undergraduate student apprentices/assistants from doing so),  I was NOT going to try out my "apple pipe" while I was in the lab.  So, I put the apple back in my lunch bag and took it home with me.  

Back at my apartment (at that time, I lived in the second floor of a small two story traditional home converted into three apartments (2nd floor, 1st floor, basement) , with two other graduate students occupying the first floor and basement apartments), I prepared my dinner (I ate a lot of turkey & tomato sandwiches in graduate school).  And after dinner, I pulled out the apple, filled the bowl with Prince Albert Pipe Tobacco, and used my Zippo to light the bowl.  

In some ways, it was a rather fun experience.  It felt REALLY quite odd to be smoking an apple pipe.  In some ways it felt "daring" and a little bit "bold"  as it felt "hidden" and almost "illegal" like it was when folks would use an apple pipe for marijuana.  

But, in many ways, it was just fairly "normal".  While I was anticipating the pipe tobacco smoke would be "apple flavored" in some way, apple flavor was barely perceptible.... it tasted pretty much like a regular bowl of Prince Albert (not a bad thing by the way, Prince Albert is wonderful stuff!).  The one "negative" which was rather minor was that the moisture of the apple added a bit of moisture to the pipe smoke itself, which made it feel a bit "hotter" or more "biting".  But, that was relatively minor.  

I ended up smoking the apple pipe three or four times that evening, and then tossed it the next day into the trash.  It was a silly, fun experience, very fitting of the times I guess.  And, it was delightful to have actually had a remembered dream about it!!!!!  

PipeTobacco   

Parking Permit

 

As I drove into the greater boundary of the U this morning, I veered off my normal route and drove down to the U's Campus Police Station in order to purchase my parking permit for the upcoming academic year.  It was a good idea and a good choice for me to do so today, as it was about a week after they became available, and was roughly two weeks before the flood of students would return to campus as well.  

Waiting one week AFTER they were announced to be available was helpful to AVOID the long lines of the contingent of the many "Type A" personality type professors, other faculty, and staff who typically clog Parking Services of Police Headquarters immediately after the "release announcement".  And, purchasing said permit two weeks ahead of the masses arriving also was wise.... as the hoards of students attempting to qualify for and to potentially purchase the "closer" student parking permits, and even those students resigning themselves to the parking lots out near the far reaches of our campus' version of "Timbuktu" mean the lines and wait times can be hours during those periods.  

Today, I walked in, was the ONLY person besides the young lady behind the counter, and I was able to fill out the paperwork, show a photograph of my vehicle's license plate,  pay the nominal "faculty fee" and had my permit affixed to my vehicle in less than a total of 5 minutes!   

* * * * *

My wife and I had been waiting to obtain our second Covid-19 Booster.  We have been eligible for the second booster for perhaps a month or so, but we initially were hesitating a bit.... hoping a form of booster vaccine more SPECIFIC to the Omicron sub-variants would become available. However, all indications are that this Omicron sub-variant focused booster will now be available at earliest by perhaps November.  So, this past Friday afternoon, we both took the plunge and received our second booster injection.  Mostly we picked Friday, so that I would have an especially robust (hopefully) immune response profile when classes start again rather soon.  

As seems to be the typical pattern now.... my wife experienced NO symptoms from her second booster.  I on the other hand, was utterly WIPED OUT all day Saturday.  My injection arm ACHED and it was painful to move my arm.  I had general full body muscle aches all day.  I alternated between feeling very hot and flush.... and having significant chills, and all Saturday afternoon and evening I had a massive headache that felt of the type typical of a sinus infection, although my nasal passages were clear.  Luckily, I knew this second booster was our goal on Friday, so I finished my 55.5 miles (~89 km) of running for the week BEFORE we obtained our boosters so I did not need to run on Saturday or Sunday.  

Very atypically for me.... I slept in on Saturday until 11am when my wife came up to wake me to make sure I was still alive, as I never sleep that long.  After she woke me, I took the dog outside, but then crawled back into bed and slept again until we went to Mass Saturday evening (I was scheduled for several things to do during the Mass, so we could not postpone and go Sunday instead.).  When we got back home, I slept some more, got up and watched ~1 hour of television with my wife, and then again went back to bed.  Just to help illustrate how wretched I felt all Saturday, I would estimate my PCS was at a "0"... I did not think about them at all. 

Fortunately, like with previous Covid-19 vaccines... when I woke up on Sunday, I felt back to normal, and was STARVING as I did not eat anything the day before (I did drink a huge amount of fluids Saturday, so there was no risk of dehydration.).

* * * * *

My wife and I made a new recipe for dinner on Sunday of Ethiopian Curried Chickpea Soup.  It was absolutely delicious.  It was a "blended soup" which means we used our plunge blender to blend the chickpeas, broth, vegetables and spices into a thick, creamy, uniform soup.  A highlight of the spices in this soup was an Ethiopian spice blend called "Berbere" which is wonderful.  You can buy Berbere as an already prepared blend or make your own.  The mix of spices in Berbere includes:   cayenne pepper, onion powder, ginger, cumin, coriander, cardamom, fenugreek, garlic, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, nutmeg, paprika, and chili powder.  It is exceptional and very flavorful!  The soup was wonderful.  I ate mine with a piece of dark pumpernickel bread embedded with caraway seeds.

* * * * * 

I awoke this morning at 4:45am, and was running on the pavement at 5:05am.  I ran 13.2 miles (~21 km) today, taking a slightly more leisurely pace than usual in case I was would potentially experience some "vaccine symptoms".  Luckily, everything was fine and it was a very pleasant run.  

* * * * * 

PCS Today = 7..... the thought of having a pipe feels so tempting, and that desire to taste and feel the flavors and impacts of a strong burley leaf are quite strong.  I suspect as I work on some final changes to some of the lab materials in one of my courses today, I will be frequently glancing at my rack of pipes and the pipe tobacco humidor I have here in my back office at the U.  I have already picked up three of the pipes and have gripped the stem of one between my teeth.  It still felt utterly comfortable there.

PipeTobacco

Beaver

 

I am trying to be a busy beaver today and get a whole host of things done at the U before I leave relatively early around 3:30 or so to go to a friend's house for a bit to drop off the clarinet that he had asked me to work on and get "up to snuff" for a person he wants to give the horn to in order to encourage her to join our Community Band this Fall.  I may have mentioned this situation earlier, I cannot recall.  But, unfortunately, due to things with "life" and especially concerning my MIL, I have been slow to get this instrument back to my friend.  I had to re-pad several keys and cleaned and oiled several keys rods so that they would function smoothly.  I also waxed the tenons and gave the Gredalila wood of the body of the clarinet a good coating and rub-down with bore oil.  Since I am late in getting it back to him, I will have to offer plenty of sincere apologies, as I do not like to not be timely and reliable.  And, it will be good to have the task off my plate.  At that point, I am hoping my wife and I will go swimming.  

 In my "busy beaver" state of mind, I am limiting myself to only 15 minutes of "speed writing" here.  So, I again, apologize (as I should every day probably) about any errant typos or grammatical errors.  

* * * * * 

I got up very early and ran only 10 miles today (~16.1 km).  I actually felt like running more.... initially was aiming for 15 miles.  But, I realized if I ran 15 miles today, I would hit my weekly goal of 55 miles TODAY, and then have three days without running.  While at some level, three days off would be enjoyable.... I am not sure if that is really a good thing to do, so I am saving 5 miles for tomorrow and still taking the weekend off. 

* * * * * 

The trip my wife and I took to the Capuchin Monestary was everything we could hope for and more.  We were able to attend a Mass for the Sick service (it is what they traditionally hold on Wednesdays).  

• The Mass was nice for us, and for me, I prayed for special intentions for my MIL, for our kids (especially the one having a variety of challenges) and also for my wife so that she may have the fortitude to do what she needs to help her with her Type 2 Diabetes.
• Exploring the Monastery's Museum and its Gift Shop was also wonderful. I bought three new books relating to the Capuchins I am looking forward to reading.  
• We sat in a variety of locations in the Monastery's Gardens throughout the day as well. It was wonderfully tranquil and peaceful.
• Even though, just a silly aside.... I also have to tell you about a happenstance occurrence that occurred as well.  It tickled me no end.  As you would expect at a Monastery, there were many priests and brothers moving about all through the grounds of the Monastery.  One thing you may not realize is that most Capuchins will wear a beard, as it USED to be a requirement of the Order as a sign/symbol of their poverty, mission, and work for the poor.  This is no longer required by the Order, but many (most) still choose to wear a beard/mustache.  Well, my wife and I were walking along one of the paths and coming the other direction, down the same path was one of the elder Capuchins (I estimate he was in his early-to-mid 80s).  I knew him from previous visits over the years, as did my wife.  So, as we drew near, I stated, "Hello Fr. Xxxxx" and my wife and I both raised our hands in a "wave" of hello.  It is unlikely he knew us by name (they see so many people), but I think he likely recognized us by sight, as we have been there before and attended Masses he had given.  As he passed us, he too greeted us, saying, "A beautiful and blessed morning to both of you!" and then he added "... you have a very nice beard."  As you can guess, I smiled at the complement and even my wife smiled (with a bit of resignation) at the accolade I received.... now from a Capuchin elder!  In the future, if I happen to get a complement from someone, and my wife "rolls her eyes" I will have to remind her that my beard/mustache is now Capuchin approved!  :)
  

* * * * * 

PCS = 7 -  Not sure why, but I am simply experiencing a bit of that deep, deep yearning feeling today to indulge in my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  I am not sure if I am feeling nostalgic and feeling as wanting to be in a simpler, gentler time, or if there is some other reason.  But, I am feeling that longing, and it is pretty darn strong.  

* * * * *

The 15 minute bell went off!  Must head out to do more work.

PipeTobacco

Anniversary

 

I am writing a more brief and early post today.  It is my wife and my Wedding Anniversary.  We are going to go on a smallish road trip to celebrate and will attend daily Mass at monastery that is about 3 hours from our home.  The monastery is a beautiful, tranquil, and peaceful sanctuary in the heart of a big city.  We have gone there several times over the years.  The time together will be wonderful. 

Then we shall spend the day together in the city, simply having fun and enjoying each other's company.  We may be fortunate enough to eat lunch at an Ethiopian restaurant as well.   

* * * * *

Got out of bed and hit the pavement at 4:10am.  I ran 12 miles (~19 km).  I just wanted to get it done and out of the way for the rest of the day.  

* * * * * 

PCS = 5 - probably with all the fussing and planning and "secret" planning I have been working on last night and and have also been organizing and thinking about (what I need to do before we head out) during my run, my score is a bit lower. 

* * * * *

Even though it was all those many, many years ago, I can still recall my nervousness on my wedding day.  Yet, there were no worries about our commitment to each other. Our love remains one of the truest things I have experienced.  The Mass at our wedding was beautiful.  Even though a lot of weddings are rather brief, ours was of the traditional Catholic style, and as it was also a full Mass, was about 1 hour and 45 minutes in length. 

One of my favorite popular songs expresses the ideas I about the love my wife and I share...

From the Spiral Starecase:

I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lip my mind starts to wander
If all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

 

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But, darling, not as much as tomorrow

 

Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away
Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way
I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be true
I know you feel the same way too

 

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow

  

 

Code Switching

 

It came to my attention perhaps a few years ago, that neuroscience term I use in my classes has been usurped into common, general society vernacular.  It is the term, "code switching".   And, unfortunately, the common, everyday usage of this term has its meaning slanted to be rather pejorative and derogatory in definition. 

In the scientific, neuroscience, linguistic formal definition, "code switching" occurs when a speaker alternates between two or more languages or dialects in the context of conversation with others. A classic example is seen between folks who know both German and English.  The syntax and order of word structure is different between the two languages, and to successfully communicate in German, one type of word order is needed, whereas in English a considerably different word order is needed.  In bilingual folks, sometimes their ability to fully code-switch between these two languages is incomplete and you could get a native German speaker potentially saying something such as:

"Mister Professor Doctor Schwartz to us will today speak."

Whereas, if the person were to have had fully successful code switching, the person would have said:

"Dr. Schwartz will speak with us today."

In the first phrase we see typical German "code" used in an English sentence.  The three descriptors of the person (Schwartz) is normally stated when speaking in German, and the verb (speak) appears at the end of the sentence.  In the second phrase, I have arranged and written the same sentence using typical "English" code. Note, only the "highest" of the three descriptors is used in identifying the person, and the verb is in a central position.  

Code switching is valuable in terms of clarity of communication.    

However, this term of "code switching" has now reached its way into non-scientific, day-to-day speech as well.  It has become a popular term used when describing the changes in manner of speaking that some people of African American descent do when they choose to alternate between "Standard American English" (SAE) and "African American Vernacular English (AAVE)" which had also been referred to as "Ebonics" a few decades ago.   

In the changes people make when alternating between SAE and AAVE, the term "code switching" has been applied, but unfortunately it has taken on a negative connotation, which I think is quite unfortunate, and I wish "code switching" was not being weighted down with this negative connotation.  Some folks feel that "code-switching" (as used in everyday vernacular) has earned a bad reputation because it has been (IMO) wrongly identified as the reason for people losing their identities or accommodating prejudices towards their social class, ethnicity, or religion.  However, I tend to see it differently.

In my opinion, the negative connotations applied to "code switching" in discussions about people switching between SAE and AAVE are primarily used in a socio-political fashion... in an effort to draw attention to particular sociopolitical struggles that people of African American origin experience.  While the socioeconomic and other political struggles that people of African American origin ARE tremendously important and need to be discussed and addressed, I think that the suggestion that "code switching" is a negative thing for people of African American origin to do..... is short sighted and not in anybody's best interest.  

AAVE is a form of dialectic English.... spoken/written English in a particular form which is specific to a region or social group. There are MANY different dialects used in the United States:

1. AAVE

2. Southern

3. Minnesotan

4. Cajun/Creole

5. Non-standard "Blue-Collar" Vernacular

There have been a variety of these dialectic English forms that also have ebbed and flowed in terms of use and popularity over time.  Two examples include:

1.  "Hippie" dialect of the 1960s and early 1970s

2.  "Valley Girl" dialect of the 1980s.  

In all of the above examples, people of that region or social group can have and do claim ownership of their particular dialect.  However, in each of the above, when needed for more generalizable understanding outside of their region or social group, folks in each of the above will  be able to "code switch" to a manner of speech that is less dialectic and more SAE.  

And, to me, this is a GOOD thing!  In my manner of thinking, dialects represent rich, varied, nuanced.... localized evolution of language.  But in a similar vein, the ability and desire to "code switch" to a form of communication closer to SAE is also tremendously important for more universal communication, and for greater inclusivity.  

When I grew up, I happened to be raised in a largely blue collar, lower socio-economic neighborhood.  And, there was a definite "blue-collar" ethos in the manner of speech most folks used in my region.  However, my own parents were strong adherents to SAE.  So, I, like a lot of folks, would "code switch" between the "proper English" (SAE) that I would speak at home and at school with teachers, with the "blue-collar" vernacular that I was awash in when I would be around friends, their parents, and also when I was around much of my own extended family.  Code switching, IMO, is natural and normal to do.  

* * * * * 

I ran 15 miles (~24 km) this morning.  It was much cooler, and was quite pleasant. My feet hit the trail at 5:15 am.  

* * * * *

My one kid's vehicle issues seem to be ok now, for at least this week.  

* * * * **

PCS = 7 - It ratcheted up a bit.  I have been feeling a bit of "frustration" I guess I could say about my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  When I was cleaning a bit of one of my offices at the U this morning, I was getting aggravated at the clutter.  Part of me wants to just dump everything in my office into the garbage and have a pristine, empty office.  That, of course, is nonsense, as I need the many textbooks, books, files, and computer-gizmo things.  All I really need to do is to sort through the piles of old papers and exams and other detritus in piles scattered about since I last did this in March. But, what got to me, is that I had a brief thought that I should also just "dump" my pipe, pipe racks, and pipe tobacco humidor into the trash as well to help declutter.  Yet, within a few moments of CONTEMPLATING that wretched idea, I felt sad.  It is a weird "nomadic" existence in some ways.... I am a pipe smoker.... but I am not smoking my pipes.  I am in this ambiguous, gray area.  Even though I am NOT in any serious manner thinking about REALLY tossing my pipes, pipe rack, or pipe tobaccos in this office.... just the thought of it, and the feelings of ambiguity I felt notched me up to the "7" level from frustration.  

PipeTobacco   

Hah!

 

Friday afternoon, my wife was wiped out from looking at assisted living facilities with her siblings.  It was primarily the sibling's behavior that wiped her out (as I had mentioned about the previous day's efforts to look at facilities was as well). Fortunately, although tired and feeling emotional about the whole process, she was also happy about some of the options and has narrowed it down to two.  She and I are planning to take Mom to visit the two today (Monday) later in the afternoon.  That will be potentially very hard as my MIL may be rather angry/upset, or it could go well if she finds either place especially interesting.  I am of course hoping for the latter, but expecting the former.  The two places my wife likes sound VERY nice and have a whole community in each one where there is a large array of activities that encourage folks to socialize and do fun things.  If Mom is open to the idea, it may be very, very enjoyable and fun for her.  

With my wife not really able to do much else about this during the weekend, she was wonderfully willing to have me go to the 5K race, and came with me to cheer me on!  I was rather nervous because running with real running folks embarrasses me and makes me feel quite self conscious.  I think this is a remnant of my former self when I was both quite heavy and quite physically inactive.  I remember in high school when I was heavy for a high schooler (222 pounds pretty much the whole time (~100kg, ~16 stone)).  That was a weight I was at or higher (highest was 290 pounds (~131 kg, ~ 21.7 stone) during much of early and middle aged adult life.

But, I pushed through the self consciousness and embarrassment, and still registered and prepared to run.  I am not really sure what my best running abilities MAY be, but I did give this run my damnedest effort I could.  It was quite warm already (75 degrees (~24 C)) and was sunny and very humid.  By the time I was hit the finish line after the 5 K race was finished, I was drenched from head-to-toe.  My shirt and my shorts also were completely wet.  And the brim of my hat was also wet from my perspiration.  

But, I did it!!!!!

Some stats:

1.  There were a total of 82 participants.  So, out of these 82, eight of them selected to participate in the WALK version of the race and not the RUNNING version.  So, 74 actual runners, and 8 walkers.  

2.  I was the OLDEST runner of all the participants.  There were two WALKERS who were older than me.  

3.  While getting ready to start, one kid complemented me on my big, grey beard before the race started.  I thanked him, but the comment also had me chuckle because I could see my wife roll her eyes at me because she was nearby and heard the comment too (she would rather I trim my beard back to its former traditionally shorter profile (~1 inch length) instead of this bigger version I have had for a few years, but I have to admit that I actually really like the positive attention I sometimes receive with my bigger version). 

4.  The starter pistol sounded, and off I tried to hoof it as fast as I could! 

5.  I came in 14th overall!!!!!!!!  That was damn surprising and felt really great for me!!!!!!!!  So, if you count runners only, I was 14th out of 74, or counting all participants, I was 14th out of 82.  

6.  Within my AGE CATEGORY, I came in FIRST and received a medal!!!!!!!!  

7.  I also received a race shirt (everyone who participates does).  I happily wore it as my pajama top last evening.  

Overall, it was a very fun experience.  Although in the greater scheme of things it is not any big deal... to ME personally, it is a big deal because I can feel good about myself for the work I have put in to try to become a more physically fit person than I had been before.  

After the race and after receiving my medal, my wife and I went "window shopping" around the town bit and then we drove home and went swimming.  I felt very fortunate and very happy.  And, swimming as always is relaxing and peaceful.  

* * * * *

I ran 13.1 miles (~21 km) this morning.  It was a warm morning again (and it was 5:15am too) so I ran “Sasquatch Mode”.  It was quiet and contemplative (and of course, at a slower (non-race) pace).  It was pleasant to listen to the Capuchin Mass and to pray the rosary.

* * * * *

PCS - 6.... perhaps I am getting used to this persistent, rather stable, higher (6) score, I am not sure.  It is a significant and very strong interest and excitement about smoking my pipes and pipe tobaccos to be sure.  But, it is just below the level where I have that gnawing “yearning" style intensity of desire.  I would find it more comfortable to be down to a 3 or a 4 of course, but I am getting more used to this persistent, seemingly unbending higher level, I think.  

* * * * * 

If Mom's visits to facilities works well in regards to timing, I am hoping my wife and I can swim again because it relaxes both of us so well. 

PipeTobacco

Damn Bee

 

 The "feeling-out-of-sorts" mode is apparently continuing for me today:

• With so many things ambiguous and up in the air, I am still unsure if I will go and enter the 5K race on Saturday where I was hoping/thinking I might have a CHANCE to potentially earn a medal in my "old duffer" age group.  On a regular Saturday morning, it would be a fun adventure, but with all the things going on, who knows if I can muster the energy/desire to go.
• My wife and her siblings visited two assisted living locations yesterday.  Fortunately, one was dismissed by all (I was worried one sibling would want this one because it was cheapest) because it was older and not a particularly pleasant environment.  The other one was one I knew was much nicer, and all of them liked it.  Unfortunately, two of my wife's siblings are not particularly discreet, or "well-filtered" and are rather coarse.... so they do not do well in professional environments.  They made alarming, asinine jokes in front of the assisted-living facilities coordinator that set off alarm bells in the coordinator.  Stupid, asinine, very poor taste jokes like "I sure hope Ma don't wanna jump off that there balcony." and other equally very stupid comments.  Having known them my whole married life, I know that is their way to try to work through their own stresses and emotions about this situation, but they do not have a clue as to how the coordinator, who does not know them or understand their idiotic "humor" would interpret the idiocy they spout.  The coordinator, of course, was alarmed, and then started to question them if my MIL has exhibited any suicidal tendencies.  My wife had to spend considerable time explaining to the coordinator that the comments were stupid "jokes" by those two and reassure the coordinator about Mom.  By the time my wife arrived home, she was exhausted. And, of course she was embarrassed and angry and shocked that these two did not have the sense of mind that God gives a gnat on how to behave in this formal, professional situation.  But, my wife was and is usually too naive in thinking they would behave appropriately.  I had anticipated something of this nature would likely transpire and unfortunately I was correct.
• They will be visiting two more places today.  I suspect there is at least a 50% chance something similar will occur again.  These two places are the newest facilities nearby, and I do not have any knowledge of them, but, being quite new, they could be very nice.
• Vehicle issues continue for one of my kids, and that is a time/schedule disruptor for me again today.  I am hoping the vehicle issue resolves today. 
• Unfortunately, yesterday, our dog started to again display symptoms of a nature similar to something she experienced perhaps 2-3 years ago. Her symptoms are 1) an urgency to need to go outside to defecate, 2) a release of a generally less formed (looser) stool, and then 3) within about 30-60 seconds, another strong urge to defecate again where she struggles and either a) nothing is released and she tries for 2-3 minutes, or b) she expresses diarrhea.  Yesterday afternoon I became aware of the change in her pattern, becoming a bit concerned, and last night it continued.  This morning, she jumped off the bed (unlike her) at 4:00am showing that urgency.  I took her out and the above pattern continued.  She then showed the same urgency at around 6:00am, with similar actions and outcomes.  I called and left a message at the veterinarian at 6:30am.  But, then I called back again when they opened at 8:00am.  The Vet Tech said she would talk with the doctors and get back to me.  I am waiting to hear how to proceed.  I hope they will either give her the same/similar medication as before or have me bring her in and then give her the same/similar medication as before and that this works effectively for her.  
• It was very humid and warm outside at 4:00am (~75 degrees F (~24 C)).  As I sat on a stool on the back porch watching my dog and her bowel habits closely, suddenly in the far reaches the yard there was a bit of movement that caught my dog's attention and she bolted like a bat out of hell towards it.  Fortunately, I had her on her "string" (her tie-out, that I always try to use when it is dark outside, so that she cannot chase after something she sees in the yard).  But.... I had installed a new "string" a few months ago as the old cable had broken.  This new "string" was several feet longer than the previous, so she was able to get much closer to...... what turned out to be a SKUNK roaming along the fence at the back of the yard.  When I saw that it was a SKUNK, my heart started racing and I jumped up and grabbed at the cable and tried to yank the dog back in closer to me.  She was not wanting any part of that, and was straining and straining to try to get even closer to the SKUNK who was starting to do its damnable alarm dance and lifted its tail.  Fortunately, even though my hands are a bit scuffed up from frantically pulling on the "string", I managed to wrangle the dog back up the the porch and the skunk stopped its pre-firing behavior and wandered off.  
• Back at the porch, with the "string" looped around a post to shorten its length some, I watched the dog some more (with her focus disrupted by the skunk, she was not thinking about going potty anymore).  But then, I felt something crawling on the back of my leg (I had on shorts), and I reflexively reached down to swat at the bug.  Unfortunately, it was a damn bee, and it was not pleased at my actions and it stung me on the back of my leg (where the gastrocnemius muscle is).  I do not know why a damn bee was out and about in the dark at 4:00am.  That is NOT typical bee behavior.  I suspect the bee may have been of an old caste and was potentially near the end of its life, and as often happens with the older castes they go on extended forage missions.  If I were to hazard a bet, I would suspect this bee was an old bee who went on one of these forage missions late in the day yesterday and likely ran out of energy for its flight muscles and was probably laying on the porch.  I further hypothesize from my understanding of bee behavior that my turning on of the porch light was stimulus enough for the bee to start to walk around (thinking it was daybreak perhaps and trying to orient to the light to warm up, making it more energy efficient, and possibly able to fly again).  It probably crawled up my shoe and sock and I must have noticed it only when it started to touch my skin.  Regardless, it was damn annoying.  It hurt like hell, and now I am wondering if and how much my lower leg may swell from the sting.  I will see as the day continues. I am hoping no swelling occurs.  When I worked with bees for two Summers in graduate school, I was stung hundreds of times (even with protective suits, there are areas on a suit where a few especially angry bees can penetrate through sometimes) especially when I would need to break apart hives to establish new colonies. I am hopeful that this single sting will not swell.  But who knows?  Many decades ago, back in graduate school, I would typically have to get at least 6-7 stings in a day before I would have swelling and inflammation. Who knows how I will react this time?  
• I moved all the equipment on the floor of  my lab to another room yesterday so the custodial folks can wax the floors this weekend.  This means I really cannot do anything in my lab today, so I decided to work from home in my den.  
• So, I sit, wait for folks to contact me, try to do things for my upcoming Fall courses, wait to hear from the veterinarian, and just feel "out-of-sorts".  I would like to go swimming, but the pool closes at 12:30 on Friday, and I am not sure if I could/should go because I could miss a phone call.  
• PCS - 6.  Between the dog's first potty effort and her second, I tried to fall back asleep.  I very purposefully tried thinking about pleasant pipe smoking memories to attempt to induce a dream.  I was (as expected) wanting to smoke my pipe very much while I was watching and worrying about the dog.  I must have nodded off for part of that time when I was back in bed,  but my "dream" if it was one while I was sleeping, was like a record with an imperfection in its surface.... it would replay the same snippet over and over again.  In this "dream" sort of semi-sleeping state, I kept seeing over and over again my STARTING to light my pipe, but it would replay over, and over and was not particularly satisfying as a "dream" or whatever it actually was.  

I guess that is about it.  I could probably rant about more things, but these are the ones that came to mind.

PipeTobacco      

Not Much to Say

 

Not feeling very verbose today.  Feeling edgy and aggravated.  So, just some bullets:

• Ran only 8.2 miles (~13 km) this morning.  I did this distance because then depending upon IF I decide to enter the road-race on Saturday, my 5K race (3.1 miles) will complete my 55-56 miles per week goal.   If I do not enter the road-race, I will just run 3.1 miles (5km) at home.
• I have all but the 3.1 miles done for the week and it is Thursday.  I figure IF I decide to enter the road-race, having taken Friday off from running should make me potentially a bit stronger IF I do enter the road-race on Saturday.  
• I am not sure if I want to go through the rigamarole of the race or not at the moment.  Driving to the race site seems a bit superfluous at the moment.  With the challenges with my MIL at the moment, some vehicle issues one of my kids is having, and other additional pressures, I might just say to hell with it. It saddens me, though, because I *think* I would have a potentially good possibility of being able to receive a medal for my "old duffer" age group if my recent test of my 5K running ability would hold true at the race.  They award medals in the respective age categories for the top three in each age range.  
• My wife and her siblings are going to go visit a few assisted living homes today and a few more tomorrow.  It will be a very emotional time for my wife and therefore for us also as a couple.  With my MIL's dementia, it will be a difficult time for her and for us, no matter what ultimately is decided.  
• All these situations, including frustrations with mechanics (see above about kid's car) have me feeling really out-of-sorts, because I feel pulled in about 50 different directions, with no control over deciding when or what I can do from moment to moment.  Added to this, the U's custodial folks informed me that they have MOVED UP to THIS WEEKEND, the annual intense cleaning and polishing of floors in the laboratories (including mine) so I have to figure out how to get all sorts of equipment (both fragile equipment and bulky, heavy equipment) up off the floor and away into some classroom or other, so that they can come in and do their work.  The U custodial folks will move and reposition FURNITURE (tables, chairs, etc), but they do not move equipment because they may not know how to move it properly/safely.  This annual polishing usually has occurred in early October, and unfortunately, this new timing caught me by surprise.  It will be nice to have it done, but the timing is not really helpful for me at the moment.
• PCS - 7... when I get into harried situations where my time is not really my own, so-to-speak, and I am at the beck-and-call of the whims of countless others.... I had typically sought the calming pleasures of my pipes.  And, the "harried" times are not really quelled in any appreciable sense by just fussing with an empty pipe or a lighter.  During these "pulled-in-every-direction" times, I am more desiring of the actual pipe tobacco itself, for its nicotinic comfort.  
• Responding to Pat's comments from yesterday.... 1.  The suggestion of having my MIL visit the assisted living facilities for a few hours sounds like a good idea.  I have mentioned it to my wife.  She and her siblings are going to investigate if that is allowed and if so, how it works.  2.  In regards to whether my PCS elevates when deep in thought/concentration..... I think it "depends" on the situation.  I think most work-related "deep thought" situations are typically associated with a rise in desire to smoke my pipes.  For a potentially different reason, home related tasks and chores requiring focus typically also are associated with a PCS rise.  Reading at night, at the end of the day, however.... sees no rise in PCS, and perhaps even sometimes a slight decline.  So, it seems there is considerable variability.

The image I used on this blog post is an example of "hard edge" painting, and I picked it to represent the edginess I am feeling.

PipeTobacco

Undulations

 

My elderly mother-in-law is becoming significantly more "forgetful" than even just 2-3 months ago.  And, unfortunately, her back issues make her mobility more and more "sketchy" even with the use of a cane or a walker.  My wife and I are fearful that she may not be able to live in her home any longer as she is on the verge of needing supervision.  This is a VERY, VERY difficult, as she is extremely adamant about staying in her home.

My wife and I have been discussing three potential options:

1.  My wife, for the conceivable future, could end up staying overnight with her Mom, but this would only work if her siblings would also agree to help to stay with Mom during the times my wife would need to leave the house for work.  Unfortunately, that is a BIG if with those siblings.  Also, the daily hour commute to and then hour long commute from work to my MIL's home would be quite taxing for my wife.  And, I would also miss her tremendously as well.

2.  We could have my MIL come to live with one of the siblings.  For similar reasons as in #1, this would likely mean that Mom would come to live with us.  This could be good, but the risks and difficulties include that even our first floor has several different step-up or step-down changes in floor level that would be very challenging and dangerous for my MIL to try to navigate with her limited mobility.  We also do not have a bedroom on the first floor, so we would likely have to change our family room into a "bedroom" of sorts for Mom. Luckily, if we did this, the family room has doors so it would be more "bedroom-like" in feel for her.  There is still the very, very big challenge also of how to have her have supervision during the day when we are at work (again, my wife's siblings are sadly not predictable).  AND, there is the very, very difficult process of convincing Mom to leave her home as well.  

3.  We could potentially find an "assisted living" place for Mom.  This *seems* like the best solution in terms of safety.  It also would be a place where there are community spaces where other residents aggregate and do things so it could be a very good area for Mom to get more socialization options as well.  But, this idea may be the hardest of the three in terms of Mom and the resistance she will have to leaving her home.  

* * * * * 

PCS - back to 6.  It is funny to think of "6" as being a bit of a relief.  I still think about pipes and pipe tobaccos many, many times each day.  I still have the interest and desire to smoke my pipes.  It is just that the INTENSITY of the "yearning" or "desire" is not quite as harsh. When I move even further down the PCS scale to say, a “4” or less, I actually have some periods of time in a day where I actually am not really thinking about pipes and pipe tobaccos at all.  

* * * * * 

My friend who goes by "Unknown" mentioned he was surprised that I was "surprised" at my Pavlovian & Skinnerian absent-mindedness in reaching towards my pocket for a pipe that wasn't there.  I can understand his point.... but I think what I was meaning more was that I surprised that after all these long four plus years away, the pattern could still be elicited.  As he also mentioned, I have on occasion, carried a pipe around with me, but in those cases, it was done with a more purposeful intent.... to interact with the pipe, so as to attempt to quell some of the sense of loss. 

* * * * *

Ran only 13.7 (~22km) miles this morning.  I had planned last night that I would run 15 miles (~24km) again today, but, I overslept a bit, and I could not fit all the miles I wanted to in.... before I needed to head to the U.  I did not hit the pavement running this morning until 6:45am.... far later than I had planned... and just a little bit TOO late to to get in all 15 planned. 

PipeTobacco

A Bit Irritated & Out of Sorts

 

As the title suggests, I am feeling a bit irritated and out of sorts today.  Nothing is wrong, per se, I believe my feelings are more due to the less "planned" aspects of the day.  Instead of having had a set of goals and accomplishments to work towards during the day, like I typically like to try to have, today has been a veritable mish-mash of having lots of plans change at the last minute, having to shuffle things around a lot, and getting pulled out of planned activities by the needs of other.  

Again, nothing is "wrong".... I just feel quite out of sorts because most work and home related tasks are being jumbled and jostled in all different ways..... and the brunt of the jostling is bruising my psyche. 

* * * * *

I ran 15.5 miles (~25 km) this morning, starting at 5:30am, which is a better time for me to begin than the later start I had yesterday.   I still should work for an earlier start.  Soon, I will NEED to have an earlier start in order to get the run accomplished ahead of my Fall class' start times at the U.

* * * * *

I was heading to the U around 9:30 this morning, when my wife calls and after some discussion, I turn around and come home to work on the computer in my den instead.  This was due to vehicle needs of others that had to be accommodated.  Turning around when almost at the U did not send my mind to a peaceful place, but I worked to roll with the punches and was doing "ok" by the time I returned.  

* * * * *

PCS - 8... not unexpectedly, with all the moving around of schedules and my feelings of disjointedness in regards to what to do today and when, it ratcheted up my PCS score.  I attribute this to the fact that I had always found my pipes and pipe tobaccos to be a profoundly helpful pastime for me to quell and quiet feelings of stress.  More than once this morning, as all manner of plans transmogrified to new times and as I mentally adjusted ideas of what to do and when..... I would absent-mindedly reach towards my shirt pocket in a fruitless attempt to grab the pipe I had so long always carried in a shirt pocket or sport coat pocket.  That this nearly innate response, which feels both Pavlovian and Skinnerian in effect, surprised me after more than four full years being away from the avocation.

* * * * *

I am going to prepare a dish I concocted perhaps 20 or so years ago, tonight for dinner.  It is a dish I have called "Mexican Christmas Beans" for all this time, and it has been a family staple/favorite.  It is a casserole that is actually a mixture of Lima beans and kidney beans that are baked in a sauce of tomatoes, cheeses, salsa, and various stereotypical "Mexican" spices.  It is baked until the liquids and cheeses collectively form a thick and creamy sauce around the beans.  I serve it with spiced cornbread, and then for me at least, I also have mandatory vegetables and a salad that (as usual) is quite hefty.... bigger than my head.  

* * * * *

Today is garbage pick-up day.  I felt a slight twinge of the passage of time, as I had to put to the curb our "secondary" television.  We only have two televisions in our home, and one is our primary, garnering ~90% of our admittedly limited viewing (we perhaps average about 1 hour of television a day, sometimes an hour-and-a-half).  The second television is our "secondary" one and up until recently, it was an old, relatively small, cathode-ray-tube (CRT) television (perhaps ~19 inch?) that we had for probably at least ~25+ years.  Well, when my wife experienced Covid-19, she was isolated in the upstairs room where we had this television. Unfortunately, during her quarantine, it "gave up the ghost" and stopped functioning.  To help her in her quarantine, I immediately ran to our local Best Buy and bought a smallish sized "Smart TV" that was able to fit in the furniture cabinet where the CRT television had resided for decades, which I did install, fully masked, in the quarantine room after I returned home.  But, as with most things, I did not immediately discard the CRT television, but instead did my "due diligence" in carting the thing into the basement, and then opening up the beast to inspect its innards and to see if there was any way I could potentially repair the beast so that I could extend its service life.  Unfortunately, nothing I could figure out was able to fix the beast, and last week, I literally "threw in the towel", and decided to put it to the curb this week with the other refuse. So with a slight tinge of guilt at not being able to figure out how to repair it, and a little bit of regret at the end of our family's CRT era, I took it to the curb this morning.

PipeTobacco    

List of Items

 

Just a bulleted list from me today:

• Ran 15 miles this morning (~24.1 km).  I wasn't really in the mood to run when I woke, and I ended up procrastinating on starting until it was almost 7:00am, so that was not great either. When I started out, it was looking like it would be very sunny too, so I put on sunscreen on all my exposed facial, hand, and leg areas.... but, fortunately, about 30 minutes into the run, a nice, heavy cloud cover settled in and I felt better.  
• My wife is starting a new routine today to try to treat and possibly reverse her diabetes.  I am trying to be as encouraging as possible.  But, the challenge is really not the plan or routine.... any of the various plans or routines over the years WOULD WORK, it is unfortunately just that my wife is not good at consistency and maintaining effort of this sort.  She typically starts out strong for a few days, and then something or other in day-to-day life gets her "frustrated" or "too busy", and she throws in the towel.  If she would somehow convince herself to stick with simply a) a low/no fat food plan with portion control to get her BMI lower, b) aerobic exercise every day for a minimum of 30 minutes, and c) ample water intake of ~60 ounces or more.... then she would be doing all the right things to get her cell's sensitivity to insulin to return (that is what is needed for the vast majority of people with Type 2 Diabetes).  I worry about her, yet if I say too much, she gets angry at me.
  
• Our oldest daughter decided to make dinner for us yesterday where she was experimenting for the first time to make Vietnamese Pho. I gave her some fresh basil from our garden, and she used them along with star anise and fresh ginger, made a really delicious, authentic Pho. Because some of us are vegetarian, she made Tofu Pho.   
• My wife and I have plans to go swimming this afternoon.  Swimming is such a valuable and integral part of the day for me lately.  It is almost like a mental and emotional cleansing.  When my wife and I go in the late afternoon, it is at a time that is very limited in terms of having many, if any other folks there.  That in of itself is quite peaceful.  Yet, getting to submerge and cool down the body in the pool, helps to wash away a lot of stresses of the day, and we both leave feeling quite relaxed.  
• OH!  I almost forgot..... I actually had a "dream" I remembered.  But, unfortunately, it was a rather disgusting/gruesome "nightmare" sort of snippet.....This happened overnight Saturday into Sunday morning.  In this "dream" I was walking along a wooded path, and this ENORMOUS dragonfly came flying at me.  By ENORMOUS, I mean.... it was the size of things in a lot of scary, sci-fi films.... its body was ~3 feet in length (~ about a meter).  Well... this damn dragonfly flew at me and then perched on top of my head.  In my dream I did not have a hat on (and I always wear hats) and in the dream I was even wondering why the hell I didn't have a hat on.... and I could feel the HUGE dragonfly's leg appendages poke into my scalp as it landed.  I reflexively reached up with my hand to try to hit or push the damn dragonfly off my head.... and then, immediately when I touched it, the insect's entire body disintegrated into a grey/black mass of both dust and liquidy goo that ran down all over me.  It was terrifying and it ended up jolting me awake.  When I woke, it was around 3:30am and I was so unnerved by the dream that I could not fall back asleep.  To try to calm myself, I took the dog out and sat on the back porch for about 1/2 an hour before I came back in and could fall asleep again. 
• PCS.... staying stuck at a 6.  Sunday morning after the nightmare, I really, REALLY wanted to smoke my pipe (probably a PCS of at least 9 during that half hour after awakening from the nightmare).  Today, I would very much relish a pipe.  And I keep imagining the beautiful flavors and textures of the pipe smoke.  

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