It MUST be the weather, or the change in light levels. That is all I
can think of that would make logical sense of the feelings and emotions
I am experiencing the last few days….
I am in one of
those moods where I just want to sleep all day. I have very limited
ability at the moment in terms of focus, have little to no motivation to
teach or lecture in my classes, I have little desire to accomplish much
at home.
But, because I try to be stubborn in my
resolve, I did do my early morning run today. It was a warmer 44
degrees today (6 degrees C) and the winds from yesterday had died down
so that was nice, but my entire run was in pouring rain today. I looked
like a drowned rat by the time I was finished. When I returned home, I
took the dog out so she could do her “business” but she was not in much
of a mood to do so. She abhors rain and detests walking in wet grass.
It is actually a bit humorous watching her sometimes. She scrunches up
her face in a way that to me reads as grumpy disgruntlement as she
tenderly puts one paw out the door onto the lawn and then another and
finally all four. For some reason, she does not seem to realize that
since she so dislikes the wet and the rain, that she should HURRY and do
her needed “business”. She will tend to walk around with a rather
“hang-dog” body posture…. and search and search and search for just the
“right spot” to relive herself. It sometimes takes her 10 minutes to
figure out WHERE to go when she finds it wet and unpleasant.
Sometimes
I tend to avoid mentioning some things that are happening elsewhere in
my life, but right now I am going to again talk a bit about my wife. As
I mentioned a while ago, my wife has had a bad, chronic case of
pneumonia that has been occurring for what I believe is now almost 10
weeks. At one level, things are getting a bit better. It seems her
third round of antibiotics has squashed the pneumonia and her symptoms
are lessening. Her voice is close to back to normal and her general
demeanor is more upbeat. She still have a very harsh, very pronounced
cough, but that is lessening a little as well. So, all of that is good.
But, last night, she showed me an area near her abdomen that has grown
deeply red/purple. She called it a “rash”… but I am not so sure. It
worried me considerably. From my background in physiology and in
teaching in the medical side of biology, I believe that in a best case
scenario, my wife may have an active fungal infection of the dermis of
her skin. That is a best case situation, for even though it will
require perhaps 5-6 weeks worth of application of a prescription topical
anti-fungal agent. But, I am more fearful that it is developing
cellulitis or worse yet the start of a deeper tissue infection that
could easily become systemic. And, unfortunately, she has “poo-pooed”
my insistence that she visit the doctor, even though by the end of the
evening she said she would call early today and hopefully get an
appointment today or at the latest on Friday. My fingers are crossed.
The other confounding variable is that my wife also has diabetes and is
not particularly compliant with that condition which unfortunately makes
her susceptible to other issues being more likely to take hold.
And, as I alluded to yesterday, the beauty, artistry, the comfort of pipes has been very strongly pulling at me the last few days, far more so than in quite a while. I am not sure if it is simply because of the Fall weather (it was always a time of the year where I especially relished smoking my pipes outside), or perhaps it is associated with Fall's association with the upcoming hunting season and I have been remembering the many times I was at deer camp, just carousing, playing poker, having fun, and drinking and smoking my pipes with abandon, or perhaps because Fall also brings to mind my own father because his birthday is in November (if he were alive, he would have become 96 this year). I often wonder if I could have a bowl or two for the special occasions and then put them away again, or if by having the bowl or two, I would be on a slippery slope leading back fully into the activity. And, if that slippery slope would be the result.... would I care?
I am very frequently famished when I am tired. I am not always sure how legitimate my famished feelings" are however. Some large part of my feelings of "hunger" may simply be emotional and not truly physical. But, right now, I feel I could willingly eat the entire contents of a whole grocery store. I can say one thing, though.... even though I still often have a challenge in differentiating between hunger that is physiolgically real and hunger that is more due to emotions..... I can say that I have again affirmed to myself that I DO feel significantly better and significantly more energized when I am eating healthier food choices.
These days, most of my food choices are pretty decent. I eat a large amount of whole foods and relatively small amounts of highly processed foods these days. I eat a huge amount of beans, a huge amount of vegetables, a beyond huge amount of salads and salad greens, a fair amount of fruit, and only a modest amount of meat.... probably 2 or 3 servings a week at most...... usually chicken or turkey. I avoid added fats as much as possible. This is how I changed my pattern of eating about a decade or so ago that allowed me to lose about 125 pounds (57kg or 8.9 stone) to obtain a normal BMI of 23 currently.
But, last week, due to a busy period of time and also due to a birthday celebration, I ate some very hearty, restaurant pizza, and also a fairly hefty slice of a rather rich birthday cake and a good scoop of some rather extravagant ice cream..... my findings:
1. Obviously, all three of those foods tasted quite wonderful.
2. Even though I tried to each the above three items very slowly (I know this helps me make the food last longer.)..... I still FELT like I had hardly eaten anything. There really was not much chewing effort needed, nor was there really much in the way of volume to the three delicious items I ate.
3. In my current, normal , day-do-day eating, I really do eat a considerably large volume of food.... and the foods I typically do eat require a great deal of mastication (chewing). Chewing a lot in a meal really helps me to feel more satiated. And volume also helps me to recognize satiation.
4. Truth-be-told.... even though the pizza, birthday cake, and ice cream likely had far, far more total calories in them compared to what I typically eat in my dinner meal and snack..... I still felt hungry and felt like I had hardly eaten a thing.
5. And, an hour or so later.... I found that I had some indigestion.... which I have noted before when I eat a lot of richer foods.
It just reiterated to me how much I enjoy the current foods I eat.
Well, I have rambled all over the map today.
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