Not Sure How to Describe

 

My apologies for being away.  I just had extremely low energy and a strong aversion to being on the computer more than I have been preparing for classes. 

Nothing shocking or new to report from here, so I guess a small list of thoughts will have to suffice:

1.  My MOUSE hand is awfully damn tired and a bit stiff.  Most of the extra computer time I have had to devote to PREPARING to teach has been in thousands of nit-picky mouse clicks.  Not so much any real typing.  Not so much any real CONTENT development.... just click, click, click, click etc.... to move and shift and push files every which way in the electronic learning environment.  I still have to develop content pieces, but I need the damn framework first.... so it is click, click, click, click.....

 2.  A new HEAT WAVE has come back to my region, so yesterday, today, and probably most of the days this week, I am doing the "Sasquatch" routine again in running..... running only with shorts, shoes and hat.... no shirt.  And, I still try to get out as early as possible to keep it a bit cooler and to not frighten folks into thinking there is a yeti or a bear or some other wild creature running amuck.  

3.  I have been focusing on Mass themed music in my playing and practice lately.  

4.  I am in another new cycle where I feel a lot of strong desire to smoke my pipes again.  The up and down to my desires is still SO surprising to me.  When I woke up this morning, I swear that I could taste the lingering flavors of one of my favorite pipe tobaccos on my tongue.  That recollection has had me yearning for that blend all day long.  

5.  I do not know if I mentioned this television program before, but my wife and I stumbled upon a show (I think it is on the History Channel) called "Alone".  We BOTH find it utterly fascinating.  It is a competitive reality show about 10 outdoor adventurists who are attempting to survive in the Arctic for 100 days.... and they are responsible for making their own shelters, and obtaining food however they can.  It is fascinating to watch.

 PipeTobacco

Friday

 

I am feeling a bit of writers block.  Perhaps more accurately, my mind is just blank.  I feel emotionless at the moment and simply feel like a robot, doing required work in preparing for the U.

PipeTobacco

Odds and Ends Day...

 

I am spending today doing lots of little "futzing around" things... not really in the Yiddish sense of "wasting time" but more in the sense of a bunch of little tasks that are all over the map in terms of focus.... both in terms or work, in terms of "honey-do" items, in terms of hobbies.... and surprise (sarcasm).... my post for today.  So, here it is a scattering of my thoughts:

 1.  Even though I am 100%, fully on-board for voting Biden-Harris this November..... I am not really paying attention to any of the Democratic National Convention.  I have heard minor snippets of highlights of a few speeches the next day, and that is more than sufficient for me.  I have never enjoyed the "rip-roaring" stump speeches or the "rah-rah" rally the troops speeches EVER from any party. Even from the party I favor and feel does the mostly right thing.... the speeches just feel manipulative.

 2.    Because of the damn Covid-19 virus, I think it is close to 100% likely that either a) gyms will be closed this winter, even on campus, or b) I will feel the risk is still much too great to be able to run on the indoor tracks or treadmills.  This has been making me have to reconsider my vow to never have a damn treadmill at home.  New treadmills are a helluva lot of money, so I do not think they are worth it... but, because so many folks get what I call an "aspirational" treadmill... that they think will encourage them to begin to exercise..... and probably at least 80% of those purchases end up being expensive, and heavy clothes holders that are never used and eventually go up for sale because they want to get them out of their basement.... so I am searching around for a used treadmill.  If I can find one and the damn thing is decent enough to run on, I will be able to continue my running once the outdoor paths are icy.... which hopefully will not be until late December (fingers crossed). 

3.  When Covid-19 hit back in March.... I had just gotten a haircut the week or so before.  But, I have not had a haircut or beard/mustache trim since.  I was thinking I was going to wait until just before the Fall semester at the U started and then get one.  But, I am reconsidering even that at the moment.  I have never had my hair as long as it is right now in my entire life (and it is not really that long, but it is damn curly so I am starting to look like a grey haired Bob Ross).  But, when I return to campus, I am going to be wearing masks the entire time (U Policy... and just common sense), and I will be wearing a hat too.... so, really... I guess there is no real need to take the risk at the barber either at the moment.  Perhaps I will wait to get a haircut until after I get the (hoped for very soon) vaccine?  

4.  Small addendum.... if I let my hair just be natural.... it would look like Bob Ross.  But, I cannot stand the feel of the curls in and around my ears especially, so instead, I work to slick back my hair as much as its curliness allows and have a bit of a growing "duck tail" in the back.

5.  I saw a really nice branch that had broken/fallen out of a tree when I was running today.  It is very straight and is perhaps about 8-9 feet long (2.5 - 3 meters long).  I have been thinking about a new "hobby" that does not REQUIRE a lot of skill or time for a bit, and was thinking I want to make myself a "walking stick".  I am thinking I may go back this afternoon and grab that branch that fell, and walk it home.  I have a good pocket knife, and a few rudimentary carving tools.  And, I am sure I have a bunch of tool choices to try to "debark" the branch.  I think it might be fun.  

6.  Speaking of carving a bit more.... even though they were NEVER a pipe choice I gravitated towards through all my years as a pipe smoker.... I did have (probably still have one or two in a drawer somewhere) a few corncob pipes.  BUT, sporadically over the years, I thought it might be fun to try to MAKE a corncob pipe.  I remember, hell, it must have been 4 or 5 years ago that I was talking with my father-in-law about this and I remember saving a few washed corn cobs just for such an attempt.  I must have them somewhere in the some cubby hole in the garage, I bet.  I may go look for them and if they are there and are in decent shape, that might be another "carving" idea I may take a shot at.  

7.  I made a completely full crock pot of red beans last night and have been letting it simmer overnight and all day today.  They should be really good for dinner tonight.  Might use them to make nachos.... or perhaps we will eat them with cornbread and rice.  Not sure yet.  I made my favorite bean recipe.  It has some garlic, curry, paprika, pepper, ginger, and allspice in it.  And, just to add a little hint of sweetness, I put in finely diced apple or peaches that end up dissolving as the beans simmer and become tender.  

PipeTobacco

Exhausted

 Exhausted from work.

PipeTobacco 

Just Working Away the Day

 

 I am just stuck on the computer again all day, trying to muster up the energy to do a lot of the fine detail work of getting online educational materials prepared.  The need for huge amounts of fussing and fidgeting of each and every little thing is by far the most challenging part of non face-to-face teaching.  

This fussing and fidgeting over various electronic minutia is not easy for a more "big picture" guy like myself.  In my normal, "big picture" fashion of being a face-to-face professor, there is so much more flexibility and spontaneity... that is just not as workable via the electronic format.   

Once this Covid-19 Pandemic is over (hopefully it WILL eventually be over), I will be so excited to return to traditional face-to-face teaching.  I feel so much more invigorated and alive when I can interact with students, and when I can be more spontaneous with them, and more (academically) entertaining for them.  

I have learned some quite interesting things about electronic teaching, and have liked some of the new things I now know.   I *may* adopt some of them even in future face-to-face traditional teaching..... but in a far more ancillary fashion than they are at the moment.  

It is a true relief that today has been a "normal" pipe day for me.  I thought about my pipes for a bit when I first awoke, and a bit more during my morning run (after I finished the Rosary).  And, I thought about them a few times while working.  But, there was none of the EXTREMELY INTENSE yearning, and none of the DEEP frustration that I had experienced last Friday. 

I am hoping the more even keel feelings of my beautiful pipe hobby are what my psyche experiences all week.  Yet, I know at any day or moment, I could experience the truly very intense passions for a pipe and pipe tobacco.  I have been thinking about this perplexing situation for the last few days, from a more psycho-social perspective.  I may be able to try to coherently get them down here sometime in the next few days.  

PipeTobacco

78th Percentile!

Ok.

Last week I wrote about registering for a "virtual" half marathon race because I had no other option due to damn Covid-19.  Please remember that on December 31st 2019, I had made my two *running* New Year's Resolutions to be:

1.  Run 12 separate half marathon runs during the year to prove to myself that I could do it.  That meant once a month.

2.  Run an actual half marathon in a race setting, at a race pace (basically, trying my damnedest to run as hard as I could, so as to get a personal record).

Well, because Covid-19 eliminated all the actual races, the virtual race format was my only option.  The "virtual" race is still an actual "race" but you do it wherever you wish to.  So, this morning at 5:55am, I began my 13.1 mile race ( 21.1 kilometer race).  

I pushed myself as hard as I could.  I kept pushing as much as I could every step of the way. I did  not allow myself any easing up. I would not look at my watch (stopwatch).  I did not want to know where I was at, because I was worried that I wasn't in line for the pacing I needed to get the goal I wanted.  If I had glanced at my watch, and my timing was not sufficient to at least get close to my goal, I knew I would feel a helluva lot of disappointment at myself.  So, I thought it best to just keep pushing and trying and pushing as best as I could every damn step.  

When I hit the finish line (a small red paint dot I had put on the trail earlier this Summer that I knew demarcated my 13.1 mile distance), only then did I allow myself to look at and stop the stopwatch. 

My "pipe dream" goal was to try my damnedest to get under two hours.  I had this as a "pie-in-the-sky" sort of dream for myself which I really did not think was possible.  My personal BEST time through the other previous half marathon runs I had done this year had been 2 hours 4 minutes and 28 seconds.  

I ran my half marathon race today in 1 hour, 57 minutes, and 31 seconds!!!!!!!!!   

13. 1 miles (21.1 km) in less than TWO HOURS!!!!!

To say that I am ecstatic about my time would be an understatement.  

After I showered and made myself a very large iced coffee, I went on the computer to see where my time fell for me in regards to my age group (old duffer) for all half marathon distance runners.  

For my age group.... my pace put me at the 78th percentile!!!!!!!  I was flabbergasted.  I was *hoping* that I might hopefully be at just a bit above the 50th percentile.  My speed was at the 78th percentile for my age group.  

For an old fellow who smoked a pipe for 40+ years, and was pretty damn sedentary during most of his life, and used to weigh close to 300 pounds (131 kg; 20.5 stone).... I can say I am really, really surprised, happy, and a bit shocked to complete a half marathon AND have my pace being at the 78th percentile is like frosting on the cake!  Never in my wildest imagination did I think I could do this. 

Trust me.... I know in the greater scheme of things this really doesn't mean a helluva lot when compared to all the horror and crap that is going on in the world.  So, please do not think I am being foolish or neglectful of the so many important things.  But, I have to just allow myself to feel this happy contentment for today.  

PipeTobacco

Mass

I did not concentrate well during Mass.  I will have to try to read what I missed.  (sigh)

PipeTobacco 

Not Feeling There Is Much to Say

Not really much to say.  Trying to avoid electronics much of the day.

PipeTobacco

30 Months Today

 

It has now been a full 30 months since I laid down my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  

It has been a rough day of a lot of time at the computer, fussing and messing around with all sorts of minutia trying to get the frameworks down for so much of the electronica I need to use as a sizable chunk of most of my Fall classes.  I am exhausted.  I am a bit frustrated.  I am tired.  

I would so very much like to pick up one of the pipes sitting in my pipe rack nearby me at the computer.  I would so very much like to reach with the pipe in hand into the glass humidor that is roughly 2/3rds full of one of my very favorite vanilla tinctured burley pipe tobaccos.  I would so very much like to bring upstairs to my office a tall tumbler sized glass of ice and pour over it several fingers of gin and fill the rest with pleasantly bitter tonic water.  And then, I would relish creating a flame with my lighter and gently draw the flame into melding with the tobacco leaf that would be so gently but firmly pressed into the bowl of the pipe.  To do so would, I believe, help me to find my center in this long, frustrating day.  

 I know I should not do the above, but at this moment I am not sure what it is I will do.  The call, the desire.... it is strong.  

 In an earlier post this week, I alluded to the notion that I had been in what was a few weeks of relative ease regarding my pipes.  When I speak of "ease" I mean that it had been a time of relatively simple patterns.  I would at waking imagine smoking my pipes, and I would fall asleep with memories of smoking my pipes in the past.... but during much of the day, I would have enough easy and fun things to do, or I would have enough hard and challenging things to do... that pipes and pipe tobacco would only occasionally and mildly enter my mind.  

This contrasts with the "harder" weeks.  In these weeks, I tend to have a deep yearning, a deep longing to return to my pipes that permeates most of my waking hours.  This was how I experienced the full first six weeks of Lent, 30 months ago when I first started this journey.  As a scientist, I predicted this "harder" time would be the norm at first, but had also predicted that the feelings would go into a smooth recognizable decline.  

Yet, 30 months later, I see my prediction proved false.  My feelings, my thoughts, my desires for a pipe and pipe tobacco do not fit a graph showing a gradual, yet steady decline.  Yes, there are times where it is "easy".  Yet, there are also still times where it is as hard as on that first day of Lent, 30 months ago.  My feelings, my thoughts, my desires undulate down and up, and down and up.  To me, this is very surprising, and the unpredictability of and lack of a smooth progression of greater ease as more time passes was not anticipated in any way.   

On the "easy" days, I feel my goal continues to be doable.

On the "harder" days, the struggle is so very palpable and real.  

I do not know what I will do today. I might give in.  I might hold steady.

But, this repetitive undulation.... it in itself.... feels chaotic... feels tiring.... feels dystopian. 

PipeTobacco

Woke Up from a Vivid Pipe Dream

 

This morning, when I woke up at 5:00am, I had and vividly recalled the dream I was having (sometimes I remember my dreams, sometimes not).  In this particular dream, I was meandering around in one of my favorite pipe shops, looking a the hundreds of pipes for sale while having in my own pipe a few small samples of different new pipe tobaccos the proprietor had recently developed.  

Nothing particularly shocking, out-of-the-ordinary, or poignant happened in my dream.  It was just a "day" and was "new" even though it was just simply a sort of "rerun" of numerous real-life days I have had over the years.  It felt so normal, so just an average sort of day.  No stress, no anxiety, no worries, no fears, no fussing, no deadlines.... just a casual day.

It was a most refreshing dream.  It was alive in my mind as I ran my 8.1 miles (~13km) this morning, even as I was also praying the rosary while I ran.  

Now, as I fuss around with more electronic preparations for work, I have a pretty strong desire for a pipe.  The very strong yearnings I had experienced for several days a few weeks ago had declined to modest levels.  I am wondering if I am entering a new cycle of renewed and deeper yearnings again for a spell?  

PipeTobacco

Reality & the Half Marathon

 

With the pandemic, the original plan of one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2020 basically is kaput. 

 In my New Year's Resolutions, two of the resolutions I made involved running:

 1.  I would run at least ONE half marathon workout each month during 2020.  Remember, the Half Marathon distance is 13.1 miles ( ~21.1 km).  That is a LONG HAUL for an old duffer like me.  But, thus far, I am keeping on track with that goal.  

 2.  I wanted to run one actual half marathon race in 2020.   I wanted to do this...

a) to be part of an actual running group in a race of this length (Running at real road races is always embarrassing for me, and it takes a lot of mental energy to gear up to do so, but it is important for me to keep doing so, to help try to overcome my embarrassment and insecurities about myself.) 

b) to get a t-shirt and medal of completion as my "trophies" to show I did the damn thing.

Well.... Covid-19 has effectively shot-to-hell the scheduled road races in my region.  It is just not really safe or appropriate to hold these mass gatherings of runners during this time.  I understand that and I agree with the decision. 

But, it leaves me in a lurch in terms of failing to accomplish the resolution I made about running an actual road race half marathon in 2020.  And, even though Covid-19 is the cause.... I still felt frustrated at myself because I would not accomplish what I *SAID* I would do.  

I needed to do *something* to try to still salvage this resolution as best as I could.  What I came up with is the following:

I found a running site online that is quite a large community of runners (many thousands of people belong) that offers what are called "virtual races".  Virtual races are actual physical running races... and they are built around themes/locations/etc just like regular road races, but... the difference is that they are all ran wherever the participants wish to run.  When you register, you will get a race bib and a medal of completion when you report your time... and you can also buy t-shirts of the event just like at a real road race.  

So, even though it is NOT what I had envisioned as how I would try to keep my resolution back when I wrote it down with my wife as we worked on our resolutions together the evening of December 31st, 2019.... it seems to be the closest way I can *try* to have accomplished something of a similar ilk.  

So, I registered myself for one of the half marathon races.  I am set to run it on Monday.  If I do it, I will push myself damn hard to try to do my best.  I will then go online and record my time.  After I do that, I will receive my medal of participation in the mail in about 10 days as well as as the t-shirt of the event I also purchased.  

It is not what I resolved to do.  And, it still bothers me that I will have actually NOT completed my resolution.  But, I have to keep telling myself that *if* I complete this virtual race next Monday, I will have done the best I can do, given the circumstances.  

Now, I just have to keep gearing myself up to run the damn race on Monday.  I am hoping to start at 5:00am.

 PipeTobacco 

Thinking About Dad

 

During the weekend, I had a dream in which my father was part.  It was very pleasant, and I have been thinking quite a bit about him since that time.  

This past March marks the 26th year since my father passed away.  He was a wonderfully kind, gentle person.  I miss him very much.  

As I have written on other occasions, I do miss the chance to spend some time with him where we would smoke our pipes together and chat.  I so very much wish I could have that experience with him again. 

I do also miss the two of us going often to eat a few Coney Dogs together on a Saturday afternoon.  

I miss seeing my father at Mass.  He was not raised Catholic, but was instead born into a family that was Lutheran... but really for most purposes they did not really attend services at all.  He chose to convert to being Catholic when he wanted to marry my mother.  They met when my Dad had returned from World War II, and they fell in love instantly.  My father began classes to become Catholic as soon as possible after he knew he wanted to marry my mother.  But, after becoming Catholic, my father was extremely dedicated to being Catholic, and I remember watching him at Mass, and seeing his strong, intent gaze as he tried to absorb each week the readings and homily.  

For much of my life, I had always thought that I mostly looked like my mother's side of the family.  But, perhaps because of my aging, or perhaps because of my significant weight loss, I have come to realize that I have a lot more features of my Dad than I had previously recognized.  My forehead, my mouth, the organization of my teeth, the heavy, very easy to notice veination of my hands and feet.  

My father would be 96 at the moment (97 in November).  I really wish I could chat with him and I wish we could be again smoking our pipes together in gentle, quiet camaraderie.  

PipeTobacco

Covid Exposure

 

With Summer being the time for graduations parties, I happen to have three different nieces and nephews who  are 2020 graduates.  So, even though it felt a bit nerve wracking due to the Covid-19 situation, we made plans on how to try to attend safely.  

The first one was two weeks ago, and I was rather shocked and dismayed with the notion that at least 2/3 of the ~150 guests were not masked and were not practicing social distancing.... and a helluva lot of them were indoors.  For this party, I went solo (my wife was experiencing a migraine and begged off).  It was challenging, as I strictly wore my mask, stayed in the outdoor region of the party, and practiced the 6 ft rule (except when a couple of folks hugged me in greeting.... which caught me off guard).  The whole experience felt odd and surreal.... I missed seeing a lot of folks, but it did feel stressful as well.  I only stayed about 45 minutes, before I drove home and showered.  

Yesterday was the the second one.  At this one, my wife also attended.  It was even more dismaying.... we were two of perhaps seven people who wore masks out of about again ~150 people.  Even though this party was held in a huge pole barn with doors on all sides open, again there was very little social distancing.   And, two different family members hugged me (again, I was caught off guard).  But then, the real kicker.... a nephew came and was talking with me, and he explained that his sister (my niece) who was not at this party....  who is on a college sports team found out on Saturday that she tested positive for Covid-19!  This was one of the people who had hugged me at the first party.  

My stress ratcheted up several notches.  

Now, I keep reassuring myself that I am likely fine.  I took the precautions I could (mask wearing, shower) etc.  My niece does not really know when she became infected, and is not really displaying any problematic symptoms at the moment.  And, the hug I received from her was now TWO weeks ago.  During the past two weeks I have not had any symptoms of anything health wise.... no changes in temperature, etc.  

But as a precaution, I am going to "lay low" this week in a bit of self-imposed isolation (other than my wife).... which, I guess.... isn't a helluva lot different than most of my days lately.  But, I am going to be especially careful.  I will go with the hopefully safe and sound idea that if I am not showing any symptoms for THREE weeks after the brief encounter, that I am ok.  

Hopefully the precautions I took (mask wearing, hand sanitizing, showering upon return) will make my risk still low even with the exposure I experienced.  

PipeTobacco

Sunday Mass Thoughts (delayed post)

Took another Sunday away from electronics.  In Mass, the major thought I came away with from the homily was related to the voice of God being more akin to a persistent whisper.... not a bombastic hollering and gaudy force that overwhelms.  

It helped me to think of being more quiet and focused on what has meaning, what has purpose.... and to try to listen to that softer voice while trying to ignore all the bombast.  

PipeTobacco

Saturday

 So busy with class things at the moment, almost forgot to post.  Nothing to say, though.  

PipeTobacco 

Friday - Just Working....

 

Nothing much interesting or thoughtful from my mind today.  I am just working at the computer, trying to get things done for the PLANNING STAGE for Fall semester.  With the need for regular plans, backup plans, online materials, some in person materials.... it is going to be a helluva lot of work.  So, I have to make sure I have all my ducks in a row as much as I can before everything starts to hit 

I am glad and very fortunate to have my job/career.  But, the significant increase in work to strive for a high quality experience for the students with all the needed backup plans is daunting.  But, I need to just persevere.  

PipeTobacco

Onto the New Blogger Dashboard

Ok, it now looks like I have been "converted" to use the new Blogger formatting and posting system.  My attempt today will be to simply try to navigate and post successfully. 

In this first attempt, I can write about some of my findings, and pose a few questions:

1.  Initially, although the "look" of the dashboard has changed, my first impression is that it *appears* that everything I typically use is present. 

2.  It seems, at least on the dashboard, when I post an image, the image is left justified.... even if I select center justification.  Perhaps when published it will appear as usual. 

3.  I have not noticed a "return to Classic Blogger" button anywhere yet, but others have seen and used it.  If I do run into troubles, I guess I can continue to look for that feature. 

*  *  *   *   *

So, if this does post successfully...... (remember, I said IF.... I will not know until I go look at the post later)... then, at least for the way I use Blogger, it seems that the new dashboard is "ok" and "sufficient".

If this new dashboard *is* only ok and sufficient, I do not really understand why Blogger (Google) made the change.  If anyone knows, please do explain it to me.  I have heard some suggestion that in some fashion this new dashboard will allow Google to earn money from blog posts, but I am not really understanding how, and if that is true or just heresy.

Even though there may be a variety of reasons Google has changed the dashboard.... some perhaps good, some perhaps a bit nefarious (Again, I have no real knowledge of the "why" here, and would appreciate anyone's opinions on the matter.).... the ONE thing that I *do* consider GOOD about this change is that Google is putting at least SOME effort into BLOGGER.  I had been fearful that when they acquired Blogger that they were going to orphan it into oblivion.  This worry was exacerbated when they quit updating the Phone App for Blogger and it DID sink into the abyss.  So, some effort here on the dashboard by Google seems to be a hopeful sign that they plan to continue it as a realm. 

PipeTobacco

Susan Rice

With the idea that Joe Biden has already stated he plans to select a vice presidential running mate, specifically who is a woman of color, I would would very much like to have him select Susan Rice. 

Now, there are of course a variety of political reasons for Joe Biden's declaration of picking a "woman of color" a month ago.  I was not and am not really comfortable with that statement as a when it was made, even though I understand the political reasons for the declaration.  However, I much prefer the idea that he would select his running mate regardless of sex, color, orientation, etc.... and would select someone who is the strongest and best leader he can.  But, in politics, I know my preference is regrettably naive. 

But... Susan Rice.... I find her to be a wonderful, very robust potential choice for VP!  Her extensive foreign policy experience, her work as national security advisor, and her role as a diplomat all show very strong effort, very strong focus, and very strong productivity.  She has worked in both the Obama administration and the Clinton administration.  I think she will do wonderful work as a vice president.  And, if something unfortunate does happen to Joe Biden during his presidency, I have every confidence that Susan Rice would be able to be exceptional in the role of the presidency!

I know that Joe Biden is going to announce his running mate soon.  I am really, really keeping my fingers crossed that it will be Susan Rice!!!!!  I feel Susan Rice is a truly great potential VP irrespective of her age, skin tone, sex, orientation, or other affect.  She is simply.... exceptional.

PipeTobacco

Kind of A Funny Story

The story I am about to tell you transpired over the course of about a week or so:

As many of you know, I am working fairly diligently in trying to better my abilities in playing the various saxophones I am rather average at playing.  A hard part for me with saxophone playing is that I am not good at improvisation, which is a bigger aspect to many forms of saxophone playing.  I am good at reading music and am competent in playing from written music for my clarinets and saxophones, but improvisation is not my forte.  Improvisation is the activity of making or doing something not planned beforehand, using whatever can be found. Improvisation in the performing arts is a very spontaneous performance without specific or scripted preparation.  For solo playing in the saxophone, improvisation is a good skill to have.  

So, for the past few months, I have sought "solo" pieces of music that I am attempting to play with background music that allows me to improvise as well as read scored musical parts.  You may recall my mentioning "Watermelon Man" as one one of the songs I have been practicing.  Well, several days ago, my wife and I were cooking and baking in the kitchen.  I had on Pandora, this time to my "Crosby, Stills, and Nash" channel.... so all the songs were of a similar quality and era as C,S, &N.  A song I very much love happened up into the queue called "I'll Be Around" and it struck me as a perfect song for me to learn on the saxophone where I could (if I could find the sheet music) play the lyrical line AND also practice more improvisation.  So, I wrote the song down on a small scrap of paper, and because I wasn't sure which group had performed it, I checked on Pandora and realized it was (of course) The Spinners, so I wrote that down on the paper as well and stuck the little scrap of paper in one of the pockets of the cargo shorts I was wearing.  

Fast forward ahead to yesterday.... last night.  I happened to be wearing the same cargo shorts (I had hung them back up after that day as they were still in good shape when I had last worn them in the kitchen).  I headed upstairs to get ready to read in bed for a while.  As is my usual practice, I took things out of my pockets so I could hang the cargo shorts up again and placed my wallet, keys, coins, etc. on the bedroom dresser.  I also found that little errant scrap of paper as well, having forgotten about it back a week ago or so.  It jostled my memory and I placed it atop of my wallet so I would remember to look for the sheet music today.  

About half an hour later, my wife, having stayed up to watch some more news than I had appetite for, came upstairs to the bedroom as well and was fussing around, getting herself ready for bed.  She tends to "tidy" up things a bit while she if fussing around and so she straightened up the dresser a bit, and saw the little scrap of paper...

"I'll be around
          by the spinners"

Then she went into our bathroom for a bit to put on her pajamas.  

When she came out and got into bed, I could tell that she was not in her normal mood, and seemed a bit upset/emotional.  My first thought was that she was probably feeling some of the "Covid-19 Overload" in terms of news that I had spoken of for myself.... which is why I was limiting my news consumption to smaller amounts.  So, I put my book down, and asked her what was wrong.   

She didn't respond right away.  

Now, please keep in mind that my wife is not much of a details person.  I am perhaps too much of a details person.  She does not tend to put into her memory a lot of details of mundane, day-to-day activities.... which is basically the polar opposite of me and sometimes causes consternation between us.... I tend to remember too much minutia, she... very little.  My wife loves music nearly as much as I do, but never puts into her mind the names of songs, the lyrics of songs, nor the writers/singers/players of songs. She lives far more "experiential" than I do.  

So.... we are in bed, and she turns her head to look directly at me, and with a bit of tears brimming in her eyes, she says, "Who wants to meet you by the spinners?  And where are these "spinners"?"

I furrow my brows for a moment..... three or four beats pass.... and then the light bulb illuminates in my mind...... my wife is... feeling jealous!

Mind you.... first, I can assure you I am the most damn faithful person I think most anyone could meet!  There has NEVER been any instance anywhere or anytime where I have ever strayed or even thought of straying from my wife in all the decades we have been married.  Hell, before I met my wife, I only DATED a total of three other women, and I am counting as one of these three the girl I dated as a pimple-faced teen when I was in high school!  Second..... I am a frumpy, grey-haired, furry-faced, old duffer who was only noteworthy by most folks in that I was that "antique, arcane" guy who smoked a pipe.  NO ONE would ever notice or pay any attention to me in any way, shape or form. 

With the realization of what my wife was feeling.... jealousy.... I was both a bit taken-aback by her feelings.... and also at the same time I thought it a bit funny and slightly endearing.... after a few moments she could see the skin around my eyes crinkle and my wide, furry grin start to manifest itself as I looked at her.  

"You do not remember us in the kitchen last week, and I wrote down that song I wanted to play....?"

I saw her searching around in her mind.

"I want to play it on the sax....."  and then I started humming the lyrics of "I'll Be Around".

"The group that sang it..... "The Spinners", I said, starting to laugh in spite of myself.

Then I could see the details did finally mesh in her mind.  The sadness on her face started to change, but the tears then did actually start to fall from her eyes, but in a better way... she was relieved and her face grew pink as she blushed... just before starting to laugh as well.  

We then talked a bit more and snuggled, and.... we both enjoyed some very pleasant intimacy as well.  Not exactly the most likely or logical route to get there.... and jealously is not normally something good..... but the evening was, overall very pleasant and a very loving evening.

And.... the story itself..... funny, poignant and one that I think we (or at least me, as the details person) will remember forever.  

PipeTobacco

Thoughts on Weekend Away

In my weekend away from both news programs/feeds (no NPR, no CNN, no newsfeeds, no e-mail, etc) and my refraining from sneaking looks at my wife's Facebook.... I found a number of things:

1.  I did feel lower stress.

2.  I felt a sense of more time.

3.  I felt a decrease in anger/aggitation.

4.  I *wanted* to look at news feeds/Facebook mostly when I had an idle moment, like when I was out letting the dog do her "business" and other similar idle times.  After the first half of Saturday, I started to instead have a paperback novel with me, and I would read in these 10-15 minute periods of time.  It was quite successful and enjoyable. 

* * * * *

So... now that it is Monday, and I have concluded this small "experiment"... what is my plan? 

Well, with the many benefits of my refraining from electronics, I realize that even though access to these things has grown ever more convenient... via tablets and smart phones (previously, I only accessed these things via an actual desktop computer)... the convenience is also accompanied by some costs. 

So, since it is not feasible for me to completely ignore e-mail, and it is important for me to know what is happening in the news, and it is valuable to be on Facebook to know what is happening with friends and relatives we currently do not see much.... I need to figure out a "happy medium" that will accrue as many benefits of both the world of "electronica" and the benefits of being "sans-electronica."  My plan thus far is to:

1.  Check and respond to e-mail only twice a day.  I am thinking one morning examination and one mid-afternoon examination.  And from Friday at 5pm through at least Sunday at 5pm, I will be in e-mail "lockdown" where I will not look, read, or respond. 

2.  I am going to plan one 15-20 minute period each day for Facebook examination, and one 15-30 minute period of time for primary news (probably either NPR or CNN or some mix) each day. 

I am going to try this out and see if this feels a comfortable "medium" level.  After a few days, I may want to tweak things a bit.... but perhaps I will have hit the right sweet spot with this initial foray.  Who knows? 

PipeTobacco

Mass Reflections

(Delayed post, was for Sunday.)

From Mass today:

"You who have no money,
come, receive grain and eat;
Come, without paying and without cost,
drink wine and milk!
Why spend your money for what is not bread;
your wages for what fails to satisfy?"

and 

 
"Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven,
he said the blessing, broke the loaves,
and gave them to the disciples,
who in turn gave them to the crowds.
They all ate and were satisfied,
and they picked up the fragments left over—
twelve wicker baskets full."

Within the homily that our priest spoke of, combing parts of concepts in both of the above, he reminded me of how even though I (we) may have our own hurts, afflictions, and hardships, that we are called to, regardless, keep focusing on what we *can* do to help others, and to help to foster for other to the best of our ability, a better world, one that is in keeping with what we have faith in will be our eventual place.  

It is a very powerful idea and message.  I *should* and I *can* work harder to see beyond my own hurts, my own fears, my own sorrows.  Even though those will be with me, it does not mean I cannot be of help for others.  It does not mean I cannot still live a life where I strive to *be* better, and I strive to *help* others around me.  

PipeTobacco

Break From......

I have decided to take a break this weekend from some things that I think will help me to be able to become more the person I wish to be.  So, in terms of electronics, my only two activities with electronics this weekend will be my two posts here on my blog.  My blog is my “diary” - my “journal” of sorts, so I feel this is a benefit.

But I am going to avoid most other forms of electronics.... no e-mail, no looking at my wife’s social media, no reading news online.

I am also taking the weekend off of watching news on television and listening to news on the radio.

And other than this post and my post tomorrow, I am not going to be on the computer either.

I am thinking and hoping this may feel rejuvenating to me, and I plan to focus on being as physically and emotionally and mentally present in the moment with real, tangible things all weekend.

PipeTobacco