Prunes

 

The weekend was "all manner of directions" in terms of goings on:

• My wife and I made homemade pizza for dinner using a pizza dough ball crust we found made locally and sold frozen.  We let it thaw and it rose to about 6X its original size from its yeast. The pizza turned out wonderfully, and the crust was excellent.
• We went to Mass at a parish across town where we heard a sizable number of our former parishioners were going to.  It was nice.
• I ran 11.1 miles (~18 km) outside this morning.  
• After I returned, my wife and I dressed and went to a funeral.  The spouse of a recently retired, long-time friend and colleague had passed away. While, the occasion was, of course very sad and somber, the funeral Mass was meaningful and beautiful.  The parish where the funeral Mass was held is one my wife and I are planning to try, not having been to Mass there in a few years. 
• The "stuff" I no longer talk about remained "even keel" this weekend, so that was a relief.
• My wife and I went to an outdoor concert again on Sunday evening.  It was very nice.  The group even played a piece by Phillip Glass that was arranged for Wind Band last night!  I tend to greatly enjoy his compositions. 
• I had an interesting dream on Saturday evening that I even recalled! In this dream I was a tremendously younger, brown-haired/bearded me who was in graduate school.   There was this developmental biologist there whom I took several classes from.  He had a rather gruff persona, but I learned a helluva lot from his classes.  This is so, even though he actually was not at all involved in my research dissertation work, as I had my primary research professor/mentor and two other professors as my committee.  But, this particular developmental biologist specialized in work with avian species, specifically chickens, which was a bit outside of my mammalian focus in my research.  This fellow (like many of my mentors and teachers in graduate school) was a pipe smoker.  But, this fellow smoked a pipe tobacco that was especially pleasing, however I did not recognize it.  Even though in real life, I was far too timid (and very much wet-behind-the-ears) at that time to chat with him other than to occasionally ask very specific, academic-only questions.... and typically only in class.  But, in this dream I had, somehow this fellow and I were just chatting casually about all manner of things.... some biological, but all sorts of other things as well.  And, in my dream, I asked him what type of pipe tobacco he had, tossed his leather pouch towards me and offered to have me try a bowlful.  In the dream, the pipe tobacco was wonderfully pleasant, and it smelled exactly as it always had around the hallway leading to his office and lab all those decades ago.  I never found out what the pipe tobacco was in the dream.  But, the dream was very pleasant. 
• I very much enjoy prunes, although because my wife is not.... we do not get them often.... mostly because I do not think of them when I happen to be at the grocery store with her.  I like dried prunes, but I especially like the jarred prunes.  
  

PipeTobacco   

Neutral

In the image heading this post, the middle line between the numbers and letter represent what is the NEUTRAL position for placement of the gear shift knob on the transmission of a vehicle.  Some younger folks, if there are any that read this, may never have seen such a thing if they are from the U.S.

I am trying to stay emotionally neutral today, and also through the weekend.  It seems "safer" although it also feels rather "empty" as well.  

When a manual transmission vehicle is IN neutral, if the vehicle has a tachometer, it will display the "idling" rotations per minute (rpms) of the engine like in the above.  My trusty, old steed maintains an idle rpm of ~800-850 when I am in neutral.  Most vehicles of this sort will typically have an idle speed of ~1000 rpm, but I have always asked my mechanic (or have done it myself on earlier vehicles) to dial down the idle speed lower so as to conserve fuel.

The idle speed of a vehicle is its point of lowest energy consumption, other than when the engine is off.  In terms of an analogy, my human "idle" speed is where I have very low, minimalistic, emotional energy.  

The vehicle at idle is still "alive" with some consumption of fuel (gasoline ("petrol", for the British)) even though it is far less than at cruising speeds.  But, even though the vehicle at idle consumes... the vehicle at idle does not accomplish... much, if any work... it just consumes energy.  

The vehicle that is shut off.... is akin to being dead.

I am at idle today.  Therefore, I am "alive".  But, at the same time, emotionally I doubt I will get much, if anything done of any merit today.  The energy, the drive, is not there.  I do not want to shut off, that is for certain.  But, being at idle, although it is certainly emotionally "safer"...  feels lazy, feels sloth-like, feels like a wasting of precious time, like a useless consumption of fuel energy (in my case, the conversion of glucose or other food energy molecules into adenosine triphosphate).

I do not LIKE being emotionally neutral.  I do not like feeling lazy, useless, and sloth-like.  I do not like having a day where I do not strive to and hopefully accomplish at least a little something of merit.

I do not know.... but while I idle here in neutral.... perhaps the only thing of minimal merit I will be able to accomplish today is this brief post.  Getting my thoughts, my emotions down here... at least subjectively..... I will try to view that AS an accomplishment.  It feels about all I can muster at neutral.... at idle.

* * * * * 

• Ran only a lazy 5 miles this morning.  But, it was enough to hit the weekly target of at least 50+ miles (80+ km).  
• Trying to get things accomplished at work, but, being in neutral, makes it very difficult to accomplish anything of any real merit.
  
• Pat commented yesterday that my pipes were "palliative" to me.  I very much agree with that idea, and loved the sound and the idea of the alliterative phrase, "palliative pipes".   And, it is also very true.... smoking a pipe never SOLVED any problem.... but smoking a pipe ALMOST always relieved symptoms of a problem to allow better focus and resolution of a problem.  And, it is additionally true... smoking a pipe ALMOST always amplified positives in life as well.  In a simplistic reiteration..... smoking a pipe helped make bad things LESS bad, and smoking a pipe helped make good things EVEN better.
  
• AC mentioned that there are "computer distance" prescription options for visual clarity as well.  I "knew" of that, but had not really envisioned that I may need a third lens beyond my bifocals.  But, it is very logical to think I may.  My wife reminded me that my optic appointment is next Thursday.  I will be sure to ask the clinician for advice on how best to proceed.
• Margaret mentioned the difficulty of losing my church community.  It is indeed difficult.  The one WONDERFUL aspect for me in being Roman Catholic is that our faith is universal across the faith community.  What I mean by this is that I can, and have attended Mass in many different communities.... different towns, different cities, different states, different countries... and yet the EXPERIENCE is universal and is the same.  Yes, there are differences in language, dialect, etc.... BUT, regardless of those minor aspects.... the faith itself is universal.  I mention this idea.... because right now my wife and I are "parish hopping" trying out various nearby Catholic churches to see where we wish to land permanently.  Each experience is beautiful, and allows me to experience my faith.  But, not having an existing HOME parish now.... still deeply feels as a loss.  I miss the folks I would see each and every week.  I miss being a Lector.  I miss being an Usher, I miss being a Eucharistic Layperson, I miss being an occasional, substitute (albeit ancient) Altar Boy.  When we eventually figure out where we will have our HOME parish, I will diligently work to try to be allowed to serve in those ways again.  But, it sometimes takes a while.

PipeTobacco

Fan

Tuesday evening, excrement hit the fan so-to-speak with what should have been a SIMPLE and PLEASANT task with the one I do not write about here any longer. Since I do not talk about that here, instead I will focus on the aftermath:

• I was so angry and hurt and sad, and my wife likewise, that the rest of the evening was a goner.  Neither of us had dinner before this incident, and so we ate.  But, for me at least, it was a very wrong decision.  I had no enjoyment of the food (which was typically a favorite), and afterwards I had the most intensive stomachache I think I have had in probably 20 years.  I went to bed in extreme discomfort. My wife came to bed far later, for I think her challenges with the situation kept her from being able to sleep.
• The next morning we awoke, and both of us still felt quite awful emotionally.  We discussed and debated whether we should go on our day trip together, or if it was not worth the effort since we both felt so hurt and upset with the situation.   
• I went and pounded out 10 damnable miles to get them done.  The Air Quality Index was especially bad yesterday again from the Canadian Forest Fires,so  that I had to run inside.  I was so angry and hurt that I ranted and cursed under my breath most of the time I was running.  Fortunately, the track was virtually empty, so I could do my quiet cursing without much concern about upsetting others.  By about mile 8, I was exhausted and sweaty enough that my anger had dissipated and all that was left was the hurt.  I turned on my headphones and listened to some Catholic Mass Music for the remaining two miles.  
• When I got back home, my wife and I talked a bit, and debated what to do with the day.  We ultimately decided to continue with the day trip.  
• Overall, the planned for, pleasant day trip with each other was NOT the fun and joy we had been gearing up for.  We were both somber.  But, it was helpful for us to be together, and it was helpful to not talk about the issues with the person I no longer talk about here. We had a light lunch along the route at a Sushi place we stumbled upon and I enjoyed some "salmon & apple" fresh spring rolls (these are the ones that are NOT fried, but are light and fresh with a glutenous wrapping that is translucent) and a ginger salad.  My wife had a cooked shrimp and broccoli dish.  Again, although the trip was not the fun and joy we had been planning.... it was very good for us to just be able to spend the day together.  

Yesterday evening was pretty somber back at home too.  But, with the bit of time and distance, my wife and I both felt more "comfortable" although it was still very sad.  We both slept a bit better last night.

• I ran 10.2 miles (~16.5 km) this morning, and fortunately the air quality was decent so I could run outside.  That was nice.  I pounded out the miles this morning trying to pray the rosary and listening to Catholic Mass Music.  My mental focus was still not up-to-snuff, but it was improving from the day before.  
• My wife and I are both working today.  We have plans to swim late this afternoon.
• My wife has made a zucchini & chickpea crock pot dish that is new for us this evening that we will eat with rice.  She also has made a curried, cubed rutabaga dish using a rutabaga we harvested from our garden.... and this recipe is also new.  I am looking forward to trying them both this evening.  

That about covers it, I guess.

PipeTobacco   

Headache

 

Too much "mousing" and not in the fun, furry-rodent style of mousing I much prefer, unfortunately.  My "mousing" today has been just the computer kind.  It is VERY GOOD that I NEVER, EVER even remotely considered a career in IT.... because I would go insane if every day was just clicking a damn mouse and typing all day.  

I have been trying to get a lot of work accomplished in preparation for my courses for Fall.  And this requires a helluva lot of fussing, and finagling with documents, including the "learning management systems" (aka the electronic classroom) the new-fangled "gizmoey” creation that has now become the normal repository for documents for students.  

Working on a computer all day causes these sorts of discomforts for me:

• Even though I TRY mightily to keep my jaw loose and NOT clench my teeth.... somehow I still do so, and it aggravates my TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder).  I need to wear my bite splint, and yet, I did not think of it for the first few hours, so I am wearing it now to try to mitigate the jaw pain.  
• My "mouse hand" is stiff and my fingers feel aggravated and tight from all the mouse-clicking.
• My eyes feel blurry and tired, and I have a headache behind my eyes and in my forehead region from staring at the damn screen all day.  I am not sure, but I think I need my eyeglass prescription to be changed.  While I do have bifocals, bifocals are not good for use at the computer.  I tend to prefer to wear single vision glasses most of the time anyway,  and so I have a pair for distance, and another pair for reading.  But, I think my reading glasses may need a new prescription as staring at the screen, while clear, seems to be very taxing on my eyes (causing the headache, I am presuming).  In theory, I think I have an eye exam coming up sometime in August, and I will investigate. 

Enough about the mousing.  Other thoughts...

• The Canadian Forest Fires have once again played havoc with the air quality in my region.  There were advisories again today, so I had to hoof my miles this morning, inside.  I ran 11.1 miles (~18 km) at the indoor track.  I had wanted to get my day off to a quick start, and had planned to be outside on the trail by 5:00 am..... but the poor air quality had me have to wait.  I was the first person on the track this morning when the facility opened up at 6:00am.
• My wife and I are planning a day trip tomorrow if all goes well.  I am looking forward to it.... hopefully it will occur.  
• I believe my wife and I may be able to swim this afternoon as well (fingers crossed).
  
• My real work (with my living creatures) is limited at this time...... my research organisms are available, but I have only a limited number of research students at this time of the Summer, as they need some rest and recovery to gear up for the Fall.  So.... the research organisms are at somewhat of a stasis currently as it would do no good to begin a new experiment without enough folks to collect data with me.  My other real work is also non-existent at this time.... my teaching "organisms" (aka the students I teach in classes).... as I am not formally teaching a class, I do not get to expound to them all things biology at the moment.  
• In the delightful, yet no longer tangible..... "good-old, golden days" when I would have a taxing and head-achy day like today.... I know I could resolve it expeditiously by traveling a bit in my trusty stead (my old pickup) to visit my FIL.  The talk, the banter, the laughter.... along with a delightful drink or two.... and a few (or several) strong, tasty, mind pleasing pipes..... would cure what ails me on such a day.  It is difficult to adequately express how I miss those good-old, golden days.    
  

PipeTobacco 

  

Feeling More Typical

 

After experiencing a weekend that did NOT have infused into it a sh*tload of drama... I feel more like my typical self.  That is, of course, quite pleasant.

• Ran 14 miles (~22.5 km) this morning.  Happily, air quality in our region was good.  I had not heard much in the way of updates about the Canadian wildfires lately.  I am not sure if they are getting under control or if we are lucky at the moment and the weather's wind currents are simply not directing the sooty smoke from these fires in our direction currently.
• Because of the closure of our Church, we have been rather nomadic Catholics the last several weeks (I haven't spoken about it too much here, but it happened July 1st.... it has been a bit of a raw spot for both me and my wife.  Eventually, I will write about it when my thoughts coalesce more.). We have been attending Mass at a variety of different parishes, trying to figure out where we best fit in. The Diocese has not been particularly helpful.... and we have been finding that folks from our closed church have scattered all over.... probably doing much the same as my wife and I.  So, we are seeing scatterings of all the folks wherever we go.
• We found that a nearby town had a "Sidewalk Sale" this past Friday.  My wife and I went there in the afternoon and spent the day together walking around.  I also picked up my bass clarinet from the shop where I had a repair technician do some fine-tuning on the beast.  I have not had the courage to try it out yet, but I should. 
• We found that the "semi-professional" orchestra (volunteer orchestra of mostly college-level trained musicians) was playing outdoors at the downtown pavilion Sunday evening.  My wife and I brought a picnic dinner with us and ate and enjoyed the wonderful free concert.  We had tomato sandwiches on toasted rye, cold chickpea and chard salad, and watermelon salad (with feta cheese, mint and lime). 
  
• I had done occasional "subbing" work with this group a few times over the years, but it is not a group I could belong to as they practice most every weekday evening (too much time commitment for me) and frankly I am not of that caliber either, and although I could be "close" if I were to practice every evening like they do, it would be stressful.  The community band I am a fixture at is definetely more my speed in terms of time commitment.  
• I have been carrying around in my pocket this weekend, one of my Zippo lighters.  It seems strangely odd to me.... but just carrying it in my pocket and taking it out perhaps 2-3 times a day and lighting it feels "happy" to me.  It had been such and everyday, common, "without thought" behavior for me to reach into my pocket and light my pipe with a Zippo for so many decades.  

PipeTobacco  

Climb

 

I am not sure, but I am thinking my "bootstrap" efforts may be paying off.  I feel LESS forlorn at the moment.  I am going to continue to work on this during the weekend, amongst all the other things I have to work on.

• 5 miles ran this morning (~ 8 km).  With this mileage, I exceeded my weekly goal.  I ran a total of 50.5 miles this week (~81 km).  It felt odd to have such a short run.
• I have two books I may start to read this weekend.  One is a "Harry Bosch" detective novel, and the other is a biography about Solanus Casey.  

PipeTobacco

Bootstraps

 

Trying to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" so-to-speak so that I can get out of this dark storm-cloud mood.  I have to learn to accept "what is" versus "what I would like it to be".  It is easier said, than done of course.  But, it is the only option I have.  

I guess I have adapted in some fashion.  Just like I have learned over the years to NOT eat out of hurt or frustration.... I find that in this state of mind that the "NOT do" also applies to my pipes.  I have had rather "minimal" interest in thinking about pipes or even a potential pipe adventure during this mood.  That is probably a positive, for if I were to have an opportunity to have a pipe, I WOULD NOT want to waste that special event with the state of mind I am in.  Perhaps that is why I still had some trouble falling asleep last night, as I could not even conjure up happy thoughts of previous pipes when I was trying to sleep.

But, again.... the goal is to lift myself up by my bootstraps.... force myself through this to a better place again.  It is hard to do, but I have done it before.  I just have to do it again.  I wish things were different, but all wishes will do is, if I add a $1.00 to them, is allow me to buy a refill cup of coffee.  Without the wishes, it would still be $1.00 for that refill cup, so.... well.... it is, what it is.

• Ran 8.6 miles (~14 km) this morning.  My heart was not into it, and sloughed through just to get it done.
• Worked some in the garden.  Harvested some chard.  Harvested some herbs (parsley, basil, mint).  Harvested one tomato and three banana peppers.  Harvested several zucchini.
• Working on embryology.

PipeTobacco
 

Hectic

 

I am still feeling quite blue from my failings.  I also feel quite misunderstood by my family currently.  But, I do not talk about that here.  So, "c'est la vie" I guess.  We have never been given a guarantee in life to be understood or encouraged.

• To pound out some of the frustration and hurt... I ran 15.3 miles (~24.5 km) this morning.  It helped some.  
• During the run, I prayed 10 decades of the rosary and listened to 1 and 1/2 Masses.  When I could maintain appropriate focus, they helped me as well.  
• I have been VERY busy with a lot of damnable paperwork today.  But, surprisingly, it in a "net" sort of fashion.... has proven helpful as well as it took my mind away from the hurt.
• I also spent some time doing literature searches related to a) a grant opportunity I am thinking of aiming for in the future, and b) garnering literature that can help support some of  the research I am now focusing on for a potential scientific research meeting in the Fall. 
• Without the "technique" I have of remembering and mentally "reliving" a prior, beautiful, serene pipe experience last night, I suspect I would have been tossing-and-turning most of the night.  Even with the beautiful technique, it took me longer to fall asleep.... but it still worked.
  

PipeTobacco

Trying and Failing

 Not much to say today.  I am trying and failing a helluva lot.  I feel very blue.  

Ran 10.2 miles (~16.5 km).

PipeTobacco

Thoughts

 

At Mass yesterday, part of the Gospel reading included the following:

"Hear then the parable of the sower.

The seed sown on the path is the one
who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it,
and the evil one comes and steals away
what was sown in his heart.

The seed sown on rocky ground
is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy.
But he has no root and lasts only for a time.
When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word,
he immediately falls away. 

The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word,
but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word
and it bears no fruit. 

But the seed sown on rich soil
is the one who hears the word and understands it,
who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold."

 

I am always very chagrined at myself when I am reminded of the above reading.  It always reminds me and puts back into focus my MANY failings as a person.   I firmly believe my role here on Earth is to be of service to others.  But, far, far too often, I am hedonistically selfish and not focused on my role in life as I should be.  

In thinking about the above, I find that far, far too often, I am like a soil on rocky ground.  I can see and recognize the (seeds) service I should do, but that my focus is short-lived and quickly I revert back into selfishness and the seeds perish.  Other times, I realize I am like a soil that is filled with weeds and thorns that distracts me and diverts my attention from the (seeds) service I should do and the weeds and thorns occupy my limited time instead of allowing me to focus and strive towards the service I should foster in myself.  

The rocky soil is akin to my own failure to follow through with the goals of service I have.  My lack of follow-through on so many things every day has me ashamed of myself.

The weeds and thorns, the distractions... should be something I CAN overlook, but I do not.  I waste my time on past hurts, I waste my time listening to the shear nonsense that is politics today. I waste my time selfishly not doing what I SHOULD do.  I am lazy.

I need to be better.  I need to be a stronger person.  I need to keep my focus on service.  I must TRY HARDER to become a better person.  I cannot just keep failing.... I need to force myself to become the better person I can be.

* * * * * 

• The air quality index was poor again today due to the Canadian wildfires.  The haze was very heavy and thick yesterday and this morning.  So, I had to hoof out my miles indoors.  I ran 11.2 miles (~18km) on the indoor track.  
• I am trying to jump in deeply today and this week to organize, repair, and refine my teaching laboratory space for my Fall embryology course.  I can provide a better experience for these students if I were to tweak and modify a few things.
• I am hoping to also begin some serious organization and planning of one of my research labs in preparation of a few new research studies we want to formally begin this Fall. 
• I am also still working on trying to declutter spaces in our home.  I have read several studies that suggest a decluttered home (or work) environment can for many folks, foster a sense of emotional and mental calmness.  I firmly believe that is true for me.  My wife and I have been trying to do this especially during the last few weeks.  I am hoping to corral a vehicle-load of  items to take to the local donation center this afternoon.  It is a strenuous task as we both tend to have a natural inclination to save things that "might be useful in the future".  
• In one of the pockets of the "cargo shorts" I am wearing today (no classes, so I can be more casual), I have one of my Dad's pipes.  This one happens to be a simple, but wonderful 1/4 bend Dr. Grabow.  Dr. Grabow pipes are inexpensive, "workhorse" pipes, and they were very frequently the pipe my Dad would use during more hectic workdays.  Even though it has been over 5 1/2 years since I have smoked this pipe of my Dad's, I can still identify the remnants of the beautifully plain scent of Sir Walter Raleigh pipe tobacco I would smoke in it.  I have several other Dr. Grabow pipes, of course, but I wanted to carry around with me my Dad's pipe today.  I am also still attempting to work through if I can trust my own judgement and willpower about potentially traversing down as a "special occasion" to the pipe shop I spoke of.  

PipeTobacco

Confusion

 

Feeling a sense of confusion about a variety of things this morning.  They are in total giving me a sense of anxiety and discomfort:

• On Wednesday, I played "hooky" and did not go to the U.  I did work at home in my office so that was acceptable, I guess.  Then I went with my wife to an afternoon movie.  We saw "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny".  We both thought it was a wonderful film.  It was very much in keeping with the others of the series, and it was exciting and entertaining.  Harrison Ford as a retiree from teaching touched me as I had always enjoyed the animated style of the Indiana Jones character in and outside the classroom.  I have to admit there were parts of the film where I cried.  
• On Thursday, there was a reduced price afternoon showing of the 2015 animated film, "Home" and my wife and I went to see it as well, as we had so greatly enjoyed it when it came out.  Again, we both loved the film.  I again cried during several parts of this funny, yet poignant film. 
• Thursday evening, we went to a relative's retirement party.  The fellow who retired is five years younger than I am.  I drank two bottles of beer at this party.  I wanted a pipe, but of course that was not in the cards.
  
• Running.... Wednesday, 10.5 miles (~17 km), Thursday, 9.5 miles (~15 km), and today, Friday.... 6.2 miles (10 km) to finish the week at 50+ miles (80+ km).  
• I am feeling out-of-sorts I believe, because of the emotions I felt from the two films.  The emotions were a mixture of sorts.... a delightful sense of feeling "care-free" and "happy" about the sheer frivolousness and enjoyment of simply going to a movie.... and "melancholic" as well in several aspects of the films that both rang true to life in different fashions.  The Indiana Jones movie.... even with all its excitement, its action, its bravado.... it was also a "swan-song" film of sorts for the character of Indian Jones, and in probable truth, for Harrison Ford as well.  In the Home movie, the main character, "Oh" was a "Don Quixote" type character who despite the numerous hardships he faced in day-to-day life and also socially.... persevered trying to do what was right, and when he found his old beliefs to be incorrect, he was able to change.  
• I do not like nor trust the American systems of retirement.  I have known folks who have retired in their late 40s and I have known folks who have not retired and they are in their late 70s.  The way the American system operates is so fractured and dependent upon so, so many variables, many of which are difficult to control or predict.  It makes the whole process seem fraught with peril and worry.   Our rather sh*tty health care system definitely does not help matters either.  
• I used to regularly feel rather "care-free" and "hopeful" about life, about the future, about my part in it all.  I used to have a lot of spontaneous moments of joy.  Now-a-days, I am less externally emotional.  Some things that used to give me considerable joy, have fallen away.  A case in point is that I used to relish and love and embrace the study of historical figures of interest.  I have at various points in my life immersed deeply into the biographical history of various folks...... Hemingway, Faulkner, Steinbeck, Melville, Skinner, Lorenz, Pasteur, Tinbergen, Darwin, William Conrad, and many, many others.  But, that joy, that sense of interest has all but left me.  I am not sure why.  I can occasionally, with a lot of effort, scrounge up a bit of that spark and interest, but the spark dies out rather quickly and I let it drift away.  
• Currently, often other than in the classroom, where I can get "fired-up" and feel rather "dynamic" most of my time is spent in a state of "neutrality" that is existing....but not "thriving" in the ways that life used to feel.  I do not know if this is a result of aging, or a result of the hardships faced in the last few years (the many deaths of folks, the challenges within that which I no longer talk about, or the various other changes at work, at home, at church, etc).  
• And, I am not sure what happened to my friend's comment here either.  Pat had left a substantial comment for me on the previous post..... but before I could contemplate it enough for a reply, it disappeared.  And, it disappeared without a "removed by author" statement as well, which was also very perplexing to me as I thought that always happened.  So, I give Pat my apology in that I have no idea what happened to the comment.
• What more can I say about my pipes?  I see them before me, here in my office.  I would like to befriend them, and they me.  Would the 45 minute barrier to the pipe shop be sufficient for me to moderately indulge on rare occasion, or would my old stomping grounds be too much of a siren's call to me?  
• On NPR this morning, there was a story about "Ice Box Cakes".  I think it has likely been 25 years since I was at a party where someone had made one of these.  Now, I  have a hankering for one.  

PipeTobacco

A Better Day

 

Today has been a better day.  A very BUSY day, but a much better day.  My post is shorter today because I am running out of time before I get to go swimming with my wife.  But, here is a brief synopsis:

• Ran 10 miles (~16 km) on the indoor track due to not wanting to be in the very harsh sun and heat.... and air quality was MODERATE.  
• A book I requested through the U's Inter-Library Loan came it today and I am excited!  It is a new book that is an biographical compilation about the HISTORICAL FIGURES of my research specialty.  It should be wonderful to read.  
• I had a wonderfully productive meeting with the U's Grants Office and she has been very encouraging to me on a pair of grants I am aiming to write this upcoming academic year.  
•  I came to an AWARENESS earlier today that I can and do fully enjoy what I do.... and that the two folks that hurt me in our Department are unimportant to my day-to-day life.  I had been feeling some of the forlorn emotions about the issues surrounding these two folks.... and somehow I was able to figure out how to become aware again of how those two have minimal impact on my life... and that I DO get to do a helluva lot of fun things here as a U Prof.  
• The POTENTIAL idea of going to the beautiful "pipe sanctuary" (my euphemism for the wonderful pipe shop about 45 minutes away).... still gives me tingles of excitement.  I am still not sure if it is advisable for me to go or not.  But.... just IMAGINING going.... is invigorating!  I still do have concerns it will be a damn awful slippery slope I set myself upon if I do go..... but I am still considering it!
• Tomorrow is supposed to be cloudy, and rainy and a bit cooler!  It should be wonderful running weather..... OUTSIDE!!!!!  
  

Frustrations

There are some frustrations going on that I cannot talk about.  But, they have tired my psyche.  So, today will be brief.  

• I ran 14.3 miles (~23 km) this morning.  It was a peaceful and pleasant run, and the run was early enough in the day (started at 5:15 am) that I was comfortable in the morning sunlight.  
• Worked with a student on-line for a bit.  
• I am going to try to do some de-cluttering work this afternoon.
• My wife and I may potentially go swimming late this afternoon.

PipeTobacco
 

Coffee

 

I am finishing up my huge iced coffee (black with as a treat, just a tiny splash of sugar-free hazelnut flavoring).  Feeling nervous yet hopeful on a number of fronts:

• The upcoming meeting with the Dean.  I have to explain the very valuable and important program I am proposing.  He is not a biologist, though, and is not as "cognizant" of things as he could be, so it is sometimes an uphill battle to try to garner his support.
• I ran ONLY 6.2 miles (10 km) this morning... and I am happy about it!  Happy because I only needed to have ran 5.7 miles (~9 km) this morning to reach my weekly goal.... so I have the goal of 50+ miles (~81+ km) done for the week!  It felt rather luxurious only running 10K!  I was finished almost before I felt I had gotten warmed up!  :)
• Getting documents to the lab coordinator in our Department for Fall ordering.  The person is a bit fussy, so I am having to be more meticulous than my Summer brain wants to be.... but I will get it done. 
• I have been thinking a lot and wondering if PERHAPS I am strong enough willed to actually make a go of having some sort of occasional foray to the pipe shop that is ~45 minutes or so away?  Do I have enough willpower, enough stubbornness perhaps, or enough gumption to do so on a rare occasion.... without falling back into a comfortable, old pattern?  It is interesting that last night while I was thinking about this while falling asleep, that I felt a palpable, tingle of excitement at even considering it.  
• Paul Desmond's version of "A Taste of Honey" from his "Glad to Be Unhappy" album is playing on my Pandora channel at the moment.....  as I now wrap up this post for today....  so I can get back to work. 

PipeTobacco

Rain

 

The morning was absolutely the best I could ask for in terms of running today.  It was only 70 degrees (~21 C), and the skies were HEAVILY clouded and there was a gentle rain!  I hoofed out 11.1 miles (~18 km) in the gentle rain in what has been the most enjoyable run I have been able to have in the last few weeks!  It was incredibly nice!  I almost went "Sasquatch Mode" in my run.... probably I should have.... that would have been even more comfortable....  but I wore a thin, bright yellow shirt so as to not frighten the wildlife.  

Heading up to the on-line meeting with the book publisher folks this early afternoon about the new edition of the A&P textbook I need to adopt.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will have done the work they need to help make the transition to the new edition and its electronica easy to incorporate.

Also preparing for the meeting I have with the Dean tomorrow about a new U program I want to propose to our U Senate.  Hopefully he will be in a non-snarly mood tomorrow and it will go smoothly. 

Going swimming with my wife yesterday.... helped me to feel so very refreshed.  It wicked away the heat down into my core and made my skin feel so wonderful after the last two days of extreme sun.  We are hoping/planning for another swim late this afternoon.

But, in mid-afternoon.... HOPEFULLY... FINALLY..... we may have a working dryer again.  The dryer we have is only ~7 years old, but it has stymied the repair fellow so many times now, I am starting to get annoyed.  This will be his 4th attempt to repair the damn thing.  And, this is a repairman that is an official repairman of the company we bought the damn dryer from in the first place..... and at least in "theory" this is a reputable company who has been in business in our town for close to 70 years.  But, we shall see.  It has been close to 5 damn weeks since we had a working dryer.  

My friend Pat commented to my post a few days ago about me possibly finding a way to go visit the wonderful pipe shop that is only ~45 minutes away from my home..... without "falling off the wagon".  I agree whole-heartedly with Pat's idea.  I just wish I knew a way to make it so.  I still reminisce regularly of that virtually perfect trip to Iwan Reis when I visited Chicago.  It was pretty close to pure bliss.  The place was congenial and staffed by knowledgeable, friendly folks.  And, the bowlful of I.R. Three Star Blue was so extraordinary, palate pleasing, mentally comforting, and soul invigorating.... that I cannot create enough accolades to do justice to the experience.  And the deep disappointment I felt at the failed attempt to experience the same in Des Moines... has me have a very earnest worry and concern that IF I did allow myself to re-enact that experience in my relatively close-to-home establishment..... well.... I can imagine myself finding and figuring out all manner of reasons to be heading to that neck of the woods..... QUITE regularly..... hence the deep worry about the "slippery slope" and the strong potential of completely "falling off the wagon".   I wish I had a planned trip to some distant city with a good pipe shop coming up, for then I could easily allow myself the opportunity TO indulge.... but with the distance providing a forced "break" away from the indulgence.

My younger sister (along with her husband of course) is moving to a different house, and she has been purging a lot of her items as she wants to have this new home to not be cluttered.  She has had a beautiful, round coffee table that she found and refinished back in 1976.  I had always admired its form and its beauty.  In talking with her, I was surprised that she was not going to take that table with her to the new home, but instead was planning to have it be part of a "whole house" sale she and my brother-in-law are having in about two weeks.  I asked her if I could get that table, and she was excited that I wanted it for even though she was committed to her uncluttered new home environment.... a lot of the items had significant sentimental value.  I went and picked that table up this morning (after my run) and my sister was also able to convince me to take the steamer trunk she had of my Mom's that my Mom originally found and bought herself when she was in her "antiquing" mode back in the mid-1960s.  It was a trunk made in the late 1800s.  

PipeTobacco  

Somewhat of a Slug Today....

 

Well, today is more understandable for me to be somewhat like a slug.  We did go to the outdoor dinner my wife had found for us for Independence Day, and stayed through the Fireworks late into the evening.  The food was pretty standard picnic/barbecue fair, but it was nicely done and tasty.  I was greatly relieved that we were able to find a shady spot to park our folding chairs as well.  I would not have done well with additional sun.  It turned out to be a pleasant evening.  We were not aware that this location also would have allowed us to bring in a cooler if desired, so my wife and I had purchased extra large diet drinks from the local convenience store  (aka a "Super Big Gulp" from 7-11).  

I had polished off my big beverage quite quickly and had also consumed a sizable amount of my wife's as well (she always likes to GET a big drink, but really never drinks much of it, so I usually finish hers after she begins to ignore it).  We met some friends at this location as well, and they were more knowledgeable about what was able to be brought in, so they had a cooler with them.  

The evening continued on and we spent a lot of time chatting.  Eventually, it started to become dark enough so that the fireworks show would begin (~10:15pm).  One of our friends offered me a beer from their cooler, and I willingly accepted since I had actually grown thirsty again.  It reminded me of how interestingly different folks tastes can be.  The friend had brought a cooler of their preferred beer (this time it was Michelob Ultra, but their preferences are always for beers of similar ilk to this).  It was pleasant and I was thankful.  But, it reminded me about how my palate is dissimilar to theirs, because TO ME these sorts of beers taste pretty much like water with a hint of flavoring.  They are a very pale yellow color.  Do not get me wrong, I was HAPPY to have and enjoy the beer, but it just did not really say "BEER" to me, if that makes sense.  

When we had camped together, I think it was perhaps two years ago, we had brought a cooler of various beverages (pop, beer, water, etc) and so did our friends.  One evening, when the stores near the campground had closed, they ran out of beer, so I offered them some of the beer I had brought.  Unfortunately, when they tasted it, they were clearly displeased..... the beer I had brought was a much heavier flavored beer with a very dark amber color and a quite "hoppy" taste to it.  To me.... those flavors represented "BEER".  To our friends, however, the flavors were so bad, that they only took the initial sip, and handed it back (and I eventually drank them).  My wife doesn't drink and has never liked to do so, so I am not sure if I am actually more of a lone outlier... or if it is just as I presume..... varied preferences.  

We ended up getting home a little after 12:30am, and my wife and I watched a bit of television before going to bed.  I was hungry again, so I ended up eating a substantial bowl of a cold, curried chickpea salad I had made that also had Swiss chard in it.  We actually went to be around 2:30am. 

Try as I might, when my alarm went off at 5:30am.... I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, and then started to put on my running clothes.... but my heart was not in it.  I went back to bed.  I ended up getting up around 8:30am.  I checked the air quality of our region, and dammit... it was again in the "unhealthy" zone.  So, that made my decision even easier.... I went to the local track and hoofed out 10 miles (~16 km) indoors.  It was nice.... no sun, air conditioning, filtered air.  It was a wise decision.  

With the later start to the day, I called the music store and asked if I could instead bring my bass clarinet on Thursday because I was still working through some things on it (and I needed the extra time in the day for some U tasks).  They were fine with that.

 So, I was still somewhat of a slug today.  But I have compensated adequately.  

I am in my U office as I type this, and have been working on a fair amount of paperwork in preparation for the upcoming on-line meeting to get the electronic "gizmo" stuff set for the new edition of textbook used in my A&P class.  Although I was never "fussy" nor "high-falutin'" about pipe tobaccos (I still say there was NEVER a pipe tobacco that I could not find something about it to enjoy.), over the years, even though my mainstays were general workhorse blends, and various pipe-shop created blends.  But, I did also occasionally buy a "pricier" tinned pipe tobacco on occasion.  On of my favorite tinned pipe tobaccos has been "Balkan Sobranie" which used to be produced in London, but it has not been produced for quite a while now.  There is a "replica" of it available, but I never tried it.  But, I still have much of a tin of real Balkan Sobranie.  It was the first pipe tobacco that I had tried with Latakia in it, so created quite an impression on me.  I have that tin open near my desk now, so I can enjoy its earthy, deep aroma.  

PipeTobacco

PipeTobacco 

 

Forced to Kill the Slug

I knew better.  But, sometimes I make the wrong decision.  

Today is Independence Day (Fourth of July).  When my alarm clock went off at 4:45am, I struggled to get out of bed to turn the damn thing off, before heading out of my run.  I checked the weather report, and it was already 73 degrees ( ~23 C), and weather-wise it was set to be bright and sunny with nary a cloud in the sky.  The air quality was "moderate" and was expected to become "unhealthy" by mid-afternoon through the rest of the day.  

I was a damn, lazy lout.  I felt sore and tired.  I did not get to swim yesterday, as the pool.... which had PREVIOUSLY said would be open on July 3rd.... suddenly changed and when I got there to swim yesterday, there was a sign on the door that said.... CLOSED.... July 3rd and July 4th.  I was extremely disheartened and frustrated. 

Because I was a damn, foolish, lazy lout, I went and laid back down and went back to sleep.  I was being a damn slug.... not doing what I needed to do.  I did not get up until 9:30am.

Getting up at 9:30am is not typically that horrible of a thing.  I allow myself that luxury upon occasion, perhaps once a month or so.... but it needs to be on a GOOD day to allow this indulgence.  Today was NOT a good day for me to have done this.

• If I allow myself to sleep in like this, I typically have some sort of backup plan to be able to accomplish things I need to do.  But, today I did not.

• Running was the first problem.  Because it was Independence Day, there were none of my backup options available to me..... I no longer have a working treadmill, so the basement was out.  Being the holiday, both the community track and the U track (and also the U treadmills) were closed and not available. 

• I had plans to do considerable work to get myself off on the right foot for upcoming work-related chores that needed to be started/accomplished.... such as preparing for appointments I made for (on-line) consultations with the book reps for my A&P courses so that I could get all the electronic "gizmos" updated (damnable new edition of the textbook required this for Fall) and start to arrange me electronic classroom, my syllabi, etc so it would be out of my hair and ready for Fall.

• I also had plans to work through in a detailed fashion all the "challenges" I could find with my Frankenhorn Bass Clarinet.... as I have scheduled an (in person) appointment tomorrow with an instrument technician who I am hoping (fingers crossed) is familiar enough with bass clarinet repair to help me by doing some adjustments, leak checks, and pad replacement that goes beyond my own skill set in instrument repair.  I generally CAN and DO the work on my horns (and others have asked me to fix their horns as well), but there are a few items that are beyond my abilities that I really would like a true instrument repair technician to do for me (if he is knowledgeable enough).

So, unfortunately.... I made it damn difficult for myself.  I HAD to get up enough gumption to run outside.... in the middle of the day.  That is not good for me, as it is quite hot mid-day, and the sun is extreme.  So, what I had to do was:

• Slather on a huge amount of sunscreen.  Sunscreen is unpleasant, but VERY necessary as I do not tan readily and burn VERY EASILY.  I worked to cover myself head-to-toe, with especially careful emphasis on my face, around my beard and mustache, double applications on my nose.  Ample application on my neck and shoulders as well.  My knees and around the boundry of my knees was also carefully looked at.  And my hands.  
• If I get excessive sun, not only will I burn, but I will get heat rash as well, which then remains for several days and is quite unpleasant and itchy.  
• Next I donned the lightest weight, full coverage, long-sleeved running shirt I had.  It is dense enough that it helps considerably in the bright sun.  
• Normally I run in calf length socks.... but today I had taller ones that came closer to my knees for more sun protection.
• I had on my sun-protective cap that has panels of fabric that cover my ears and neck (for the most part, even though they blow in the wind)

By the time I was ready to run, it was around 10:30am, and so I set off.  It was already 88 degrees (~31 C) and the sun felt scorching.  I hoofed out 10 damnable miles (~16 km).  It was not a pleasant run.  I tried to distract myself and also did my usual things.  But, praying the rosary was a challenge as I kept getting lost (mental focus) on where I was.  I tried to focus on happy thoughts of pipes, but even that was difficult as my mental focus was not there.  But I slogged through and got at least a respectable amount in for the day.  

It was "Independence Day" and I guess for me, what I had to prove to myself was that I did not have to be a damn slug, a failure in doing what I said I would do.  So, in this way, I have to take heart in recognizing I was able to kill the slug, which was how I was behaving.... and I forced myself to fix the error of my slovenly ways.  

When I finished, all of my clothes (hat included) were sopping wet with perspiration.  Perspiration on top of sunscreen is especially unpleasant.  But, the Sunscreen prevented me from burning (fingers crossed I applied it well enough).  Even my socks were fully moist with perspiration.  

Because I knew I would not want to get outside again for a while, I also forced myself to go to the Community Garden and water all our plants because we had not done so since Sunday.  Fortunately, even with the smoky soot-like atmosphere a lot of days.... our garden is growing well.  The Swiss Chard should be able to be trimmed and used by next week, we harvested some basil, mint, and parsley on Sunday.  We have several tomatoes forming already and a lot of flowers.  The other species of plants all look good as well.  Our rutabaga is growing enormously!  The only plant that I am not sure about at the moment are our cucumbers.  I would have thought the plants would be bigger by now.  

I immediately took a cold shower when I got home.  It helped cool me down.  I was quite red from exhaustion (fortunately, not from sun, as I had on the sunscreen).  I have been drinking enourmous quantites of iced coffee, water, and pop (soda.... diet Dr. Pepper) to help rehydrate.  

I have been working on my class work, and after I am done with this post, I am planning to get out my Bass Clarinet and play it and write out all the problems I can discern to give the repair technician.  

I am relieved that I have gotten back on track and forced myself to do what I damn well needed to do instead of being the slug I was being.  

As I am in my home office today (my den).  I have a really beautiful circular pipe rack sitting next to my monitor.  It has horse head carvings on each of the "columns" of the pipe rack and it has a traditional, green-glass, honeybee-nest shaped tobacco canister (humidor) in the center of the rack.  The glass is ~1/3rd full with a mixture I created that I always especially liked for day-to-day indulgence.... it is about 4/5ths Prince Albert non-aromatic pipe tobacco mixed with ~ 1/5th vanilla-tinctured Cavendish. I have opened the top of the canister a few times this afternoon and deeply smelled of its sheer wonderfulness. I especially liked this mixture I made often because it is both a hearty tobacco flavored burley blend.... with just a very light hint of the vanilla flavoring.  It was always joyous to indulge in, bowl after bowl across a working day at home. 

Tonight, my wife has set for us to go to some sort of dinner where we are eating outside and then waiting to watch fireworks.  I am going to take more sunscreen, just in case.  But I am HOPING to find a shady location for this event.  

PipeTobacco  

 

Almost No

 

After finally getting all the work I had to finish for end-of-the-academic-year paperwork accomplished.... my mind was like mush.  I felt I needed a break away from keyboards and computers, and electronica of all sorts.  

And.... other than reading a few blogs.... I was successful in being away from my computer and electronica.  It was very helpful to me.  I read actual documents on PRINTED PAPER, and read part of a book, and it was refreshing.  

I have a goal to try to reduce somewhat my required uses of electronica at the U.  I think I can manage this with more careful planning of my time.  Perhaps the biggest sink-hole I have is in trying to manage the horrendous number of e-mails I receive (hundreds per day).  I am considering putting some sort of auto-reply message on my e-mail address to the effect of:

"Dr. PipeTobacco understands that e-mails are important forms of communication, but also recognizes  that research studies have shown that excessive time on electronica is not conducive for mental and emotional health.  Therefore, he has enacted a policy where he only examines and replies to e-mails once each weekday morning.  Please be patient."  

I should probably abbreviate the above in some fashion.  But, the above represents my goal to have enacted (fingers crossed) by Fall.  

* * * 

Running has been a royal hassle this past week.  Because of the damnable smoke/soot/haze from the Canadian wildfires, the air pollution index was quite horrible all of last week.  This meant that I had to hoof out all 50 damnable miles on the indoor tracks or treadmills.  It was difficult to have much enthusiasm for running.  But I did hoof out every last mile.  Three days were on the treadmill and two days were on the track.  50.1 miles ( ~81 km) total.... so I kept my weekly goal intact.... but it was not easy. 

• Air quality was considerably improved this morning, so I took advantage and hoofed out 13.2 miles (~21 km), and my feet hit the pavement at 5:15 am just as enough light was about to see the path.  The rain we had this weekend (which I think helped wash out the smoky haze) made it quite humid, and it was 72 degrees (22 C) at 5:15 am.  I almost decided to go "Sasquatch" mode on my run.... but did not really want to put on sunscreen, so I wore the thinnest running shirt I could find with long sleeves.  
• I have been having a significant "itch" to go down to the wonderful pipe shop that is ~45-50 minutes away from me.  I sometimes tell myself that.... yeah, sure.... I could do that.... and I could enjoy a delightful bowlful of some beautiful mixture of my choosing while there.  A "sort of" special trip for old times sake since I do not have any immediate travel plans to a distant city where I could re-enact the beauty and grace that transpired at Iwan Reis in Chicago.  But..... then in the same vein, I tell myself...... "Self.... you know that would be a damn big risk.  Going back to your favorite pipe store in your own neck-of-the woods.... is just a slippery-slope, "fall-off-the wagon" sort of action that could be dangerous.  And, both the "devil" and the "angel" on my shoulders.... are probably right.  
• I do not do this often, but when I stumble across a rummage sale that is in an "interesting" location, I will sometimes stop.  Well, I was traveling down a country road and there was a feeble looking "SALE" sign along the side of the road with an arrow pointing to an old farmhouse with a very old barn.  So, I had a bit of time, and decided.... "what the hell".... it seems like an interesting location.  Even though they are FAR, FAR less common to see these days, I still like looking at rummage sales for pipes, pipe racks, pipe tobacco humidors, etc.   I do not think I have actually seen any pipes or related materials since before Covid hit, but I still look.  I did, however, find one rather "cute" pipe-like item that I did purchase ($ 0.25)...... an empty bottle of Avon aftershave that was in one of the classic pipe shaped containers.  I have had one Avon container where the bowl of the "pipe" looks like a dog head wearing a "deer-stalker" cap.  I have had this since I was young, where one of my uncles gave it to me.  The one I stumbled upon and purchased at this rummage sale is exactly like the one pictured above (first image).   Since the dog one sounds strange as I tried to describe it, I actually will add a photo of what that one looks like as well (second image).  

PipeTobacco